It appears that one of my comments is something that at least one person is upset by. I'll own the comment that references Mean Girls, about not using the "If you get a BFP, no need to post here, just move on to your BMB" phrase. I really do see that as a bullying move that is not inclusive and lacks a generosity of spirit and a growth mindset. It just screams, "You can't sit with us!" to me. If someone told me that on a board after I made a mistake I would think I wasn't welcome back even if I then took the time to read the Newbie thread and follow the rules. Others may disagree and that's fine, but that's my non-anonymous opinion.
DD #1: April 2017 DD #2: May 2020 Baby #3: EDD May 2023; MC October 2022
OK I've calmed down a little bit and would like to address some of the written in comments and maybe open the door for discussion on some things. I obviously have no idea who said these things but I'm making the assumption that they post/lurk enough to feel it was worth their time to take the poll and write in an answer so I'll assume it's worth a conversation to address their concerns, especially considering for every 1 person to speaks up there are usually a couple who thought it but didn't say it.
9. I don't like the language "If you get a BFP, no need to post here, just move on to your BMB." That screams "mean girl" to me. We're basically saying, "We don't want you as part of this community because you screwed up once" I love the r/r q/cs change in WTO Please can we unpin things! It's so annoying on mobile.
I completely disagree with this in every possible way. If the random drive-by person asking us if they're pregnant in infact pregnant then they aren't trying to get pregnant anymore and don't belong on a TTGP board. So there is absolutely no reason why a random drive-by who has never posted a single post here before should come back to update us with how they're totally in fact pregnant. I understand getting a BFP is super exciting and some ladies are going to want to share that with the internet even if they're not apart of the community. But for the ladies who feel that way they need to go share with their BMB, 1st trimester board or literally any other pregnancy board on the whole wide internet. We're not telling them that if the test is negative they can't stay and participate. We're not telling them that if its positive and they have a CP/MC they can't come back here and participate when they're TTC again. We're only asking that they kindly go announce a BFP literally anywhere else on the internet that isn't here. And I think that is fair to everyone involved. I honestly just see it as incredibly selfish and rude to insist on posting a drive-by BFP to a board of ladies who are TTC when many of them are struggling TTCAL and/or IF when that BFP could be announced anywhere and everywhere else. Maybe that's just me though.
2. The sarcasm doesn't always convey in comments--it comes across as rude, catty and bitchy. Everyone here is stressed out, so maybe people can read before they post and keep their bitch to themselves!
That being said I do think there are times when the sarcasm on certain threads gets a little much. Generally the original poster on those threads made a massive TOU violation and/or generally disrespected the community so they kinda deserved it. Just saying. Though sure there are times when some people could be nicer about things but that will always be true in life outside of the board also. People just aren't perfect.
6. So is there a blood sacrifice, monthly tithe, or some other ridiculous commitment to even post on this board? Jesus Christ
What does this even mean? Was this just being rude and complaining simply for the sake of being rude and complaining? Like "gee I really want to say something rude and I really want to complain about something but I can't really think of anything valid. hmm OK I'll just ask if there is a blood sacrifice to post on the forum. No idea what that means but it'll get across my desire to be rude and complain. Good enough!"
But whoever put that let me just answer your question: Nope, no blood sacrifice, monthly tithe or "other ridiculous commitment to even post on this board." If you want to post here literally all you need to do is make a post in WTO/TWW, one of the other daily threads, etc. It's really that easy.
7. If people can't post questions, or if there are only very few questions not met with "search the board" then what's the point of a discussion board at all? Then it's just a search engine. It really bothers me that people aren't allowed to start a new thread with questions.
I could be totally wrong here but I think the "search before you ask" is mostly to keep from having the same couple of questions asked over and over and over again. I also participate in a TTC community over on Reddit and I've noticed there are a couple of questions that get posted every single day. And sometimes they even get asked more than once within the same day when the question is literally still on the front page. It doesn't really make sense to say its easier for the regular posters to have to type out answers to the same question on different posts every single day than it is for a newer poster to just read the several existing threads on the issue. Plus a lot of questions that get asks here are already answered in pinned threads like the newbie guide.
I don't think anyone is really suggesting that if you're asking a question that hasn't been answered in a year that you can't ask it.
14. Better organization of monthly siggy contests. I noticed that in the past few months, there have been individuals nominated in the thread that were not included on the poll for voting. I'm not saying this was intentional, but we don't want people to feel like the siggy challenge is just a popularity contest either.
I really doubt it was intentional. I know some months we've had someone start the siggy challenge, get their BFP and leave for their BMB and then someone else volunteers to take up the duties of updating the thread for nominations/creating a poll etc. I think if someone feels they would do a better job and wants to volunteer that no one would have a problem with that. I appreciate the ladies who volunteer to do these things and recognize that often if whoever volunteered hadn't volunteered it wouldn't have gotten done at all. So there is that.
20. I have never been on a board so regulated and so PC and so all about TW- its vaguely exhausting. Get rid of all this shit and let people police themselves. Its boring to watch every single thread end up in 'Dont post this here, post there'. There is no talk here. Its boring.
Maybe this isn't the board for anyone who feels that way. While we are making an effort to make some changes to reflect the current thoughts, opinions and feelings of the current members I doubt this board will become a wild west free for all devoid of rules, regulations and a certain amount of "PCness" if you will.
Edit: formatting.
Me: 28 Husband: 31 TTC#1: January 2015- September 2016 Infertility, Recurrent Pregnancy Loss Rainbow baby born June 6, 2017 ❤️
If the random drive-by person asking us if they're pregnant are in fact pregnant then they aren't trying to get pregnant anymore and don't belong on a TTGP board.
@NamelessAria I claimed the "Mean Girl" comment above. I see your point here. I understand that it says if you get a BFP...but I think the language is just really off-putting. But I'm not in favor of a rule about this; I just won't use that language myself. Instead I'd say something like, "It's against the TOU to ask if you are pregnant or post pictures of tests. We only post about BFPs in the Weekly Grad Thread so that those who choose to can avoid them."
*TW loss, maybe? I'm still unclear about how much you have to talk about loss to warrant a TW. I am early in this TTC game and have not experienced loss, and know that those who have done so or who have been TTC for a while may feel differently, but I really like seeing BFPs. Often this board makes it seem like no one ever gets pregnant (maybe because many people simply disappear when they do). When I'm feeling that way I go to the community on Glow (there are pretty much no rules over there) and look at BFPs to my heart's content. I agree that BFPs should be posted in the weekly grad thread (I like the suggested name change to BFP thread, but then I am worried people might post pics of their tests which is against the TOU) but I would be in favor of having more of them (BFPs, not threads). But if others disagree I'll just keep going to Glow for that, which is fine.
DD #1: April 2017 DD #2: May 2020 Baby #3: EDD May 2023; MC October 2022
If the random drive-by person asking us if they're pregnant are in fact pregnant then they aren't trying to get pregnant anymore and don't belong on a TTGP board.
@NamelessAria I claimed the "Mean Girl" comment above. I see your point here. I understand that it says if you get a BFP...but I think the language is just really off-putting. But I'm not in favor of a rule about this; I just won't use that language myself. Instead I'd say something like, "It's against the TOU to ask if you are pregnant or post pictures of tests. We only post about BFPs in the Weekly Grad Thread so that those who choose to can avoid them."
*TW loss, maybe? I'm still unclear about how much you have to talk about loss to warrant a TW. I am early in this TTC game and have not experienced loss, and know that those who have done so or who have been TTC for a while may feel differently, but I really like seeing BFPs. Often this board makes it seem like no one ever gets pregnant (maybe because many people simply disappear when they do). When I'm feeling that way I go to the community on Glow (there are pretty much no rules over there) and look at BFPs to my heart's content. I agree that BFPs should be posted in the weekly grad thread (I like the suggested name change to BFP thread, but then I am worried people might post pics of their tests which is against the TOU) but I would be in favor of having more of them (BFPs, not threads). But if others disagree I'll just keep going to Glow for that, which is fine.
Post pointing people toward their BMB have always been phrased similar to this, at least from what I've seen: "If you get your BFP, there's no need to update us. Please move on to your BMB. Otherwise, check out the WTO/TWW and newbie guides and feel free to jump in." Or "Posting pee sticks is against the TOU; please move on to your BMB."
I agree with both of these ladies. And although no members opinion should hold more importance than another, I find it interesting that all of the 'veterans' including myself were quite upset at a number of the comments made. I personally feel like this board was a completely different culture back in November when I first started. Yes it was strict and controlled but for good reason. We supported each other and any newcomers that joined in without violating TOU. Straight forward comments are expected and appropriate for those who fail to read the rules and lurk the boards. I was new once too and have never been flamed for posting. I took my 2 days of no posting when I signed up to lurk and read the rules and jumped right in on the WTO threads. We have not held grudges against those who have broken TOU so long as they recognize their mistake. There is only an issue when we are lashed out at such as many past comments calling us "bitter" or claiming we would make bad mothers. We are structured for a reason but not unreasonably so. Maybe some of us have more negative experiences than others, but we do our best to respect and support each other. If we can have structures that avoid triggers for certain women, then we should have them as we already do and voting has seemed to dictate. I know this turned into a rant and may turn some people off, but the structure of this community has been crucial to many of us still TTC and those who have graduated. I don't feel at all bad for giving blanket responses to posts. And I don't find it necessary to baby every individual who looks at this board. If a question or post is better placed somewhere else, they can be an adult, take the advice and participate like everyone else on this board.
@yaeger07 Sorry yeah I see that you owned that comment. It took me forever to write my comment above both because it's virtually a not-so-short novel and because I got a dinner break in the middle of writing it. So I missed your comment till after I'd posted.
I do see how the language can be off-putting. But I don't think there is really a much nicer/welcoming way to say "we think you should test and when you do if it's positive we kinda just really don't want to know. "
have not experienced loss, and know that those who have done so or who have been TTC for a while may feel differently, but I really like seeing BFPs.
I understand where you're coming from. When I first started TTC I liked seeing them also. Now every time I see a loss it's just a one-way ticket to depression. I know it probably shouldn't be and I feel bad about it; but it's true. I can't help but think about all my losses and how long I've been TTC without a successful pregnancy. I can't help but think of the absolutely countless (literally I probably couldn't count all of them) BFPs I've seen announced on TTC forums, Facebook, other social media, within my family and DH's family etc. since my husband and I have started TTC. And it's just really, really hard emotionally.
I feel a little guilty and ashamed admitting this but if this board turned into a place where I started being surprised by BFPs (ya know like they weren't in the weekly thread) frequently I'd probably stop coming here and just go find an IF board.
Me: 28 Husband: 31 TTC#1: January 2015- September 2016 Infertility, Recurrent Pregnancy Loss Rainbow baby born June 6, 2017 ❤️
@NamelessAria Thanks for your response. I understand that not everyone has the same experiences or will feel the same way about things. I completely agree with keeping BFPs in one thread, so people can avoid them.
It seems like many people have opinions counter to mine about the language in response to TOU violations, so I'll cede my position in favor of the group's. The only things I still feel really strongly about is the "regular contributor" language (and it seems like the majority shares this opinion) and the umpteen pinned posts (mostly because on mobile they are annoying.)
DD #1: April 2017 DD #2: May 2020 Baby #3: EDD May 2023; MC October 2022
RE: If you get a BFP, no need to post here, just move on to your BMB
What up, ladiezzzzzzzzz. As the original writer of the Weekly Grad thread, I'll go ahead and 2cents this. When the weekly grad thread was started, there was the overwhelming attitude of "NO DRIVE-BYS THAT WILL BE THE WORST" as it had just gotten its kick off. Community vote at that time was to have the "regulars only", even to the point where one particular post got flamed to heck and back for getting her BFP first cycle, despite posting daily here during that time. Hence why we've added the "quantity and quality" language, hence why that line was there, etc etc.
I've gone with what the community attitude was, but I can just say that I am super duper happy to remove that requirement and exclusionary language. I've always been of the opinion that if you think a particular bfp post within the grad thread is a drive-by, then just... scroll past and move on your day. So! That line and anything similar is getting removed.
When I post tomorrow, I will update the language accordingly (although I will keep the "this is not the thread to ask if you are pregnant" part because TOU). Eh, I may post it late tonight so I don't forget.
Also, izza2, I'd be happy to write the basic paragraphs to the other thread - you were talking about noob intro thread, yeah? I'll do it in the morning while I'm running reports at work.
Thank you @izza2 for all the effort. I'm relatively new here but really enjoying the community. I just wanted to add that I think we can find a happy medium where new question threads are welcome to keep the board interesting and so there is more to see than WTO and TWW threads. In the pinned TTGP guide we can encourage new posters to search before posting a question and we can also remind people of this if they post a FAQ.
I am also really looking forward to unpinning some of the threads. There are a lot up there.
History and blog link in spoiler
2016 - dx with super low ovarian reserve; failed cycle with clomid, failed IUI, 2017 - egg retrieval #1 - 3 eggs, 0 embryos appropriate for transfer; ER #2 2 eggs, 0 embryos on day 3; ER #3 1 egg 0 embryos moved to donor egg in summer 2017; 35 eggs retrieved; 19 fertilized; 9 total embryos Fresh transfer Dec 2017= BFP! baby boy born 8/22/18
May 2019 - surprise natural pregnancy ended in MC Nov 2019 FET; MC at 9 weeks May 2020 FET; BFN July 2020 FET; CP treated with methotrexate Oct 2020 BFP!
Just an update -- I got 4/5 of the threads unpinned (thanks @BumpTara), and am working on the Intro thread so that we can start the weekly intro thread.
Is there a specific day that we feel would be best for that to be started each week?
As of right now, I'm battling with trying to get the intro thread unpinned. If staff decides not to unpin it for their own whatever reasons -- do we still want to go ahead and do a weekly intro thread (as they suggested to me), or just keep intros the way they are? Obviously we wanted to change it because right now the intros are just amassed and it's awkward for some to even think of replying to individual intros, and various other reasons.
Hopefully our wishes are honored, but if they're not - thoughts on that matter?
RE: If you get a BFP, no need to post here, just move on to your BMB
What up, ladiezzzzzzzzz. As the original writer of the Weekly Grad thread, I'll go ahead and 2cents this. When the weekly grad thread was started, there was the overwhelming attitude of "NO DRIVE-BYS THAT WILL BE THE WORST" as it had just gotten its kick off. Community vote at that time was to have the "regulars only", even to the point where one particular post got flamed to heck and back for getting her BFP first cycle, despite posting daily here during that time. Hence why we've added the "quantity and quality" language, hence why that line was there, etc etc.
I've gone with what the community attitude was, but I can just say that I am super duper happy to remove that requirement and exclusionary language. I've always been of the opinion that if you think a particular bfp post within the grad thread is a drive-by, then just... scroll past and move on your day. So! That line and anything similar is getting removed.
When I post tomorrow, I will update the language accordingly (although I will keep the "this is not the thread to ask if you are pregnant" part because TOU). Eh, I may post it late tonight so I don't forget.
Also, izza2, I'd be happy to write the basic paragraphs to the other thread - you were talking about noob intro thread, yeah? I'll do it in the morning while I'm running reports at work.
*Lurker here and TW in Siggy* To be fair though, I remember that flaming (if you're talking about the one back in late April), and there was a fairly good reason she got that attitude. She literally had 14 total posts excluding her grad thread posts (that was the only thing that stuck out in my mind about that flaming lol). It was just that no one knew her; no one could place her. There'd been almost no interaction between her and the community.
Previously PaukMeKiande
Surprise BFP/MC February 2011 BFP May 16th 2016
EDD January 25 2017 DD born January 30 2017 Surprise BFP/MC April 2017
RE: If you get a BFP, no need to post here, just move on to your BMB
What up, ladiezzzzzzzzz. As the original writer of the Weekly Grad thread, I'll go ahead and 2cents this. When the weekly grad thread was started, there was the overwhelming attitude of "NO DRIVE-BYS THAT WILL BE THE WORST" as it had just gotten its kick off. Community vote at that time was to have the "regulars only", even to the point where one particular post got flamed to heck and back for getting her BFP first cycle, despite posting daily here during that time. Hence why we've added the "quantity and quality" language, hence why that line was there, etc etc.
I've gone with what the community attitude was, but I can just say that I am super duper happy to remove that requirement and exclusionary language. I've always been of the opinion that if you think a particular bfp post within the grad thread is a drive-by, then just... scroll past and move on your day. So! That line and anything similar is getting removed.
When I post tomorrow, I will update the language accordingly (although I will keep the "this is not the thread to ask if you are pregnant" part because TOU). Eh, I may post it late tonight so I don't forget.
Also, izza2, I'd be happy to write the basic paragraphs to the other thread - you were talking about noob intro thread, yeah? I'll do it in the morning while I'm running reports at work.
*Lurker here and TW in Siggy* To be fair though, I remember that flaming (if you're talking about the one back in late April), and there was a fairly good reason she got that attitude. She literally had 14 total posts excluding her grad thread posts (that was the only thing that stuck out in my mind about that flaming lol). It was just that no one knew her; no one could place her. There'd been almost no interaction between her and the community.
But if her 14 posts were daily or almost daily or whatever from the beginning of her time here - then she was an active member who was trying to be a part of the community and got lucky on her first month here. It's one thing if someone literally comes to the board just to post their BFP, I see why that would be flamed and would get backlash. But, if someone tried, then they tried. You can't fault someone for getting their BFP on their first cycle and not being in the community for months upon months before that happened for them. That's like saying "you didn't spend more than one month TTGP so you're not welcome here because you weren't really trying".
@LadyMillil@ahrains - Thanks, ladies. I guess we'll just start the weekly intro thread this coming Monday and hope that the BGs decide to go with what the community decided upon.
RE: If you get a BFP, no need to post here, just move on to your BMB **SNIP**
*Lurker here and TW in Siggy* To be fair though, I remember that flaming (if you're talking about the one back in late April), and there was a fairly good reason she got that attitude. She literally had 14 total posts excluding her grad thread posts (that was the only thing that stuck out in my mind about that flaming lol). It was just that no one knew her; no one could place her. There'd been almost no interaction between her and the community.
But if her 14 posts were daily or almost daily or whatever from the beginning of her time here - then she was an active member who was trying to be a part of the community and got lucky on her first month here. It's one thing if someone literally comes to the board just to post their BFP, I see why that would be flamed and would get backlash. But, if someone tried, then they tried. You can't fault someone for getting their BFP on their first cycle and not being in the community for months upon months before that happened for them. That's like saying "you didn't spend more than one month TTGP so you're not welcome here because you weren't really trying".
I'm having a shit day and I don't even care: I'll be the bitter, jealous bitch here. I don't really care if someone posted actively for like 3 weeks. I don't want to see their BFP. I mean yeah they tried to join the community and I don't have anything against them. I just don't particularly want to see their BFP. I'm sure their BMB would be more than happy to hear their success story and they'll (hopefully!) be with their BMB long enough to be a real part of the community. They'll form connections with the other ladies and people will know them and care about what is going on with them. But I mean 3 weeks or whatever isn't really long enough for me to know someone well enough to want to see their BFP. It's hard for me to see the BFPs of the ladies I know and care about. I mean I'm really, really super happy for them because I know them and care about them. But I'm also really fucking sad for me. I don't want to go through all those emotions for someone I don't know. But that's just me.
Me: 28 Husband: 31 TTC#1: January 2015- September 2016 Infertility, Recurrent Pregnancy Loss Rainbow baby born June 6, 2017 ❤️
And also the April girl... There were other issues with her aside from her 14 posts. It was the quality of her posts and the interactions regular members had with her.
I've said my peace and I'm personally done with it. The poll results are over and the consensus was to let everyone post their BFPs in the grad thread, regardless of whether they're "regulars" or not, and skip over ones from randos. I'm not personally beating a dead horse of a topic any more than has already been done, so have at it.
As far as the Weekly Intro Thread. I've been thinking about it a lot lately and actually wrote up a mock draft of what it could say. I don't mind starting it every Monday, but would like to know if you all want changes....I went back and looked at a few intros on the pinned thread and took the questions from what I saw people talk about most often in their intro. But as I say below, they can intro themselves however they feel most comfortable, whether answering the set questions or just writing out a paragraph.
"Hi Newbies! Welcome to the community!
Some great tips for benefiting from this wonderful community:
- Read the Newbie Thread pinned at the top of this board. It is full of really helpful TTC advice and knowledge.
- Participate! Join the WTO (Waiting to Ovulate) and TWW (Two Week Wait) threads. This is a great place to let everyone know where you are at in your cycle, rant and/or rave about anything (TTC-related or not), and have any questions answered.
Please introduce yourselves. We can't wait to get to know you. You can use this basic template, pick and choose what you'd like to share, or just write out an introduction paragraph. Whatever you are most comfortable with!
@KirstinH88 definitely please take out the "any losses?" question. I KNOW it's not meant like this but I just need to say, how it is written it reads to me as a cheery "check yes or no" with a lot of newbies being able to answer, "nope!" The whole prompt, I just..I cringe. I feel like those who have had losses will offer that information if they are ready.
Otherwise I love your idea of helping out newbies with a few prompts and I would keep it really simple.
Ages (you and SO):
How many months/cycles have you been TTC?
What are you doing to get knocked up (WAYDTGKU)?
Tell us about yourself!
me . late 30's | h . early 40's | < 3 . 2013
*siggy warning*
ttc#1 . jul 2015
mmc . mar 2016
dx PCOS (non-IR) / subclinical hypothyroidism . summer 2016
tx metformin, levothyroxine, LP progesterone, femara + trigger + ti . fall/winter 2016 BFP . jan 2017 DD . oct 2017
ntnp #2 . summer 2018 mmc x2 . sep 2018 & may 2019 RE workup, dx MTHFR mutation, ultimately unexplained . summer 2019 surprise BFP . aug 2019 DS . may 2020
dx Hashimoto's 2023 ttc #3 . feb 2023 mmc . apr 2023 mmc x3 . mar/jul/aug 2024 dx elevated nk cells tx ovasitol, levothyroxine, baby aspirin, LP progesterone, lovenox, prednisone, femara + ti . jan 2025 BFP . mar 2025
@virginiaham I also didn't feel comfortable with that wording and question in general. One big reason why I wanted to pass it through everyone. I know I did see a lot of people include previous losses in their intro which is why I included it, but you are right, they can offer up that information elsewhere if/when they are ready. Thank you!
@KirstinH88 - Thank you! I agree with keeping it simple. Have a few prompts, and then just open it up for anyone to share anything else they want to, without having it so formal.
BGs decided to unpin the intro thread, so we don't need to worry about that.
I'm off this weekend, and aside from housework and basking in any sun we have, I have no plans, so I may start working on re-writing the Newbie post so we can get that updated and replace the current one.
So, question - a lot of the newbie guide is specific information, and I've re-written most of it, kept parts, and omitted others.
Do we want to have it as one big wall of text, like it currently is - one OP for all of the information - or do we want the OP to be the general opening/basics, and then separate other information by their topic, in to replies after the OP?
Like... OP: general welcome, guideline links, How-To Guides, abbreviations Reply 1: TW info, BFP info Reply 2: Tools for TTC, TWW/WTO threads
I think if we separate it into comments, then the newbies may not actually read down into the comments for all that other good information. I would keep it in the original post, but clearly label every section with a Bold header.
I think if we separate it into comments, then the newbies may not actually read down into the comments for all that other good information. I would keep it in the original post, but clearly label every section with a Bold header.
Okay - this is the rough draft for the updated Newbie's post. Thoughts? Questions? Concerns? Suggestions? --------------------
Hello!
Welcome to the Trying To Get Pregnant (TTGP) board!
This
is a general how-to/information post to help you better understand
the community and how the board generally works. All blue text are
links to other posts for more information. Once you've read
through this post and feel more comfortable, please introduce
yourself to the community. There are weekly introduction threads
started every Monday for intro posts, where the community can get to
know the newest members and welcome them.
First
thing: it
is against
the forum rules to
ask if you are pregnant (straight
forward or in a round about way) and
to post pictures of HPTs asking
about lines. A line is a line=pregnant. The only place you can post
your HPT is What Does A Positive Test Look Like in First Tri. If you
are looking for a success story, the 1st, 2nd, or 3rd Trimester; Pregnant After Infertility or Pregnant After Loss boards are best suited for
your question. We can not tell you if you are pregnant, so please
don't ask. Take a test, if it's negative, lurk some more and get to
know the community. If it's positive, congratulations, please move on to your BMB
or First Tri and participate there.
The
number
one rule of
this board is to lurk.
Lurk and lurk some more. Please refrain from creating a new thread to
ask any questions that have been asked recently. If you have a
question regarding your cycle or chart, please ask in the Waiting To
Ovulate (WTO) or Two Week Wait (TWW) threads. Otherwise, if you have
a general question for the whole community, it may be better suited
to start a new thread.
Trigger Warnings (TW) Please
be respectful and precede posts with a Trigger
Warning(TW)
for
certain circumstances.
This includes triggers such as all losses, BFPs, abuse, rape,
violence, abortion, etc. It gives posters a heads up to either
prepare themselves for what they're about to read or the courtesy to
skip the post without reading something that could be traumatic for
them. You do
not need a TW for
topics such as children, general pregnancy, etc.
Big
Fat Positives (BFPs) Once
you get your Big Fat Positive test (BFP), the appropriate place to
post is in the weekly Graduation Thread. Please do not post your BFP
in the TWW thread. Please do not include your HPTs – those can be
shared in the previously mentioned positive test thread.
Things to Avoid 1)
Do not dirty delete. If you get flamed, please do not delete your
post (you most likely have already been quoted anyways). Future
lurkers/posters can and may learn from the experience. 2) The term
baby dust is not accepted here.
The term is particularly offensive and hurtful to those who have
unfortunately had to cremate their baby. Please be considerate to
those TTC After Loss.
“Late”
& “Light” Periods If
you are concerned you are late but are getting negative tests, it is
very likely you have ovulated later than you thought or you may not
have ovulated yet. Your body is not a machine and it will vary cycle to cycle.
You are regular until you're not. You will not always ovulate on the
same day every cycle. If you think you may be pregnant, test once a
week until you get your period or a positive test. If you hit cycle
day 60, talk to your doctor about jump starting your next cycle.
If
you are just coming off of birth control, it may take time for your
body to regulate and get back to normal. This is normal. Your body
has to get back in the habit of producing the hormones that birth
control was suppressing. It is not uncommon for it to take a few
months before your cycles return to your normal. One woman's
experience will not necessarily be the same for you. Every body is
different.
You
have had your period if there is enough bleeding to fill a pad or
tampon, no
matter how
light or heavy is it, or how short or long it lasts. This is not the
same as spotting. Period heaviness and length can change time to
time. You're normal until you're not.
Tools
While TTGP Your Chances
Always
assume you are the rule, not the exception. You have about a 20%
chance of conception each cycle you ovulate. It can take a normal,
healthy couple up to 1 year to get pregnant. If you still aren't
pregnant after a year of consistent and/or well-timed sex, schedule
an appointment with a Reproductive Endocrinologist (RE). If you're 35
years old or older, this is cut down to 6 months of trying with
consistent/well-timed sex. If you are having recurrent miscarriages,
unfortunately, the norm is to wait until at least a 3rd miscarriage
before seeing a specialist.
Charting Fertility
Friend (FF) is the charting resource most posters use to monitor
their cycles. It is a wealth of information on charting. It is free
to sign up and use (VIP is available for purchase). There are
tutorials to read and learn about how to chart and what the different
fertility signs mean. There is also a fun game you can play to test
out your skills on detecting ovulation. FF also has a great FAQ section on
their website about charting topics such as temping when working
night shifts, alcohol and temping, traveling, luteal phase length,
and detecting ovulation. This board recommends charting because it
can help relieve the stress of not knowing where you are at in your
cycle as well as many other reasons.
Infertility If
you think you might have trouble getting pregnant, there is a RESOLVE Fertility Assessment that
may help you. It specifically screens for symptoms related to female
infertility as well as male factor infertility. PCOS, Endometriosis,
Thyroid Disease, etc. are all conditions that can (but not always!)
lead to infertility. However, this does not replace testing done by
an RE or your OBGYN, and it should not be used to self-diagnose. Do
not borrow trouble by assuming you suffer from infertility (IF)
because you have not gotten pregnant yet. Only a physician can
diagnose you with IF.
Clomid/Femara If
you are on Clomid/Femara, please be aware of the risks. You should
only be taking Clomid/Femara under strict supervision of a RE. We
have many women who have been on or are currently on one of the two
drugs and would be happy to share their experiences and potential
negative-effects with you. For more information, please read this post.
Books Most
posters advise reading the book Taking Charge of Your Fertility
(TCOYF) by Toni Weschler. She came out with a new 20th anniversary
edition July 2015. You will learn more than you thought possible from
this book. It has information on how to maximize your chance of
conception, the different phases of and key events in your menstrual
cycle, fertility issues, and so much more!
Basal
Body Temperature (BBT) Temping
(tracking your BBT) is how most posters on this board confirm
ovulation. The Mabis Basal Body Thermometer is the thermometer this
board generally recommends for temping. It does not favor temps like
other BBTs (i.e., Target, CVS, etc.) Getting a BBT over a regular
thermometer is important because some women have subtle temp shifts
and BBTs are precise to the hundredths. BBT is the only accurate way
to track your ovulation at-home.
Ovulation/Implantation
Bleeding Implantation
and ovulation bleeding are not common, and it can only be confirmed
in hindsight. Always assume you are the rule, not the exception.
Basal Body Temperature (BBT) implantation dips and ovulation spikes
can only be confirmed in hindsight as well. Temperatures can
fluctuate for any number of reason, not just for implantation and
ovulation.
Ovulation
Predictor Kits (OPKs) OPKs
are a great secondary resource to BBTs. They will tell you when your
body is having a Leutenizing Hormone (LH) surge. LH is the hormone
that stimulates the release of an egg. The LH surge can last as
little as 12 hours, and it is possible to have multiple surges in one
cycle. That is why many posters advise to have sex until Fertility
Friend gives you crosshairs. It is also possible to get a positive
OPK for more than one day. A positive OPK does
not guarantee you
will ovulate. Respectively, a negative OPK cycle does not mean you
didn't ovulate; it's not uncommon to not turn an OPK positive. Many
posters recommend the Wondfo OPKs (please be aware of Wondfo fakes)
and the ClearBlue OPKs. Please refer to the instructions of the OPK
you are using to see if you can test multiple times a day, should use
first morning urine or not, or what the results of your OPK can
indicate.
Lubrication Pre-Seed
is a lubricant that won't kill sperm. It is made for those who do not
produce enough fertile cervical fluid (egg white cervical mucus) to
help facilitate sperm. In general, less is more when using Pre-Seed.
Note: Pre-seed does not increases your chances of conceiving, it is
simply a lubricant that will not kill sperm.
Prenatals
and Alcohol It
is recommended that when you start TTC you take a prenatal, that way
key nutrient stores are already beginning to build up in your system
before you get pregnant. It is very important to get enough Folic
Acid in order to help reduce the risk of certain birth defects. DHA
is also recommended as it aids in brain and eye development. If you
are considering gummy prenatals, they do not contain iron or calcium
(if that is important to you).
Many
posters here adhere to the phrase "drink until it's pink."
As of now, it is believed that mother and baby do not share blood in
the very early stages of pregnancy. Therefore, alcohol will not be
shared with the developing baby and poses little to no risk to the
baby. It is mostly a matter of personal preference whether you decide
to forgo alcohol once you enter the TWW or wait until you turn a test
positive.
Some
helpful tips for the WTO/TWW threads These
threads are a good way to get your foot in the door on this board and
start getting to know the community. Use these threads to complain
about symptoms (the only place on this board that won't be flamed for
symptom spotting) and ask questions related to your FF chart,
ovulation, and the TWW. There is a spot on these threads specifically
meant for any questions and chart stalks you may need
(Q/CS).
-Month/Cycle
= How many months you have been TTC/how many cycles you have been
TTC. These will not always be the same. -WAYDTGKU
= What Are You Doing To Get Knocked Up? Are you are temping,
charting, or observing cm and cp; sex frequency; OPK; prenatal;
medication; diet; etc.? -Timing
= When you had sex during your fertile window: -5, -4, -3, -2, -1, 0,
or +1. Day 0 is ovulation (O) day. -1 is the day before O, -2 is two
days before O, etc. +1 is the day after O and is included for
standard error. Anything outside of these times is not considered
your fertile window and should not be considered.
If
you have already started TTC but are now benched or Trying To Avoid
(TTA), you may not feel comfortable on the WTO or TTW threads. There
is a weekly Benched/TTA thread where you can check-in and talk with
others in similar situations.
How-To
Guides -How to GIF -How to add a signature -How
to quote: Hit the "quote" at the bottom of the post you
want to quote. You will be taken to the reply box with the quote set
up already. -How
to tag: Add a "@" in front of the username of the person
you are talking to. -How
to search: Please use the search function located in the top right
corner on mobile, or in the bottom right at the bottom of the page on
desktop. You can narrow your results by just searching on the TTGP
board. You can also use Google and search the entire TheBump website
that way. -How
to change your username: log in to TheKnot, hover over My Knot, and
click Account Settings. If you are having issues doing it that way,
you can email community@thebump.com
and ask them to change your username. Give them a few suggestions
just in case your top choice is taken. It may take up to 24 hours for
the name to update.
Most
Common Abbreviations A
comprehensive list can be found here.
This link is found at the bottom of every page of TB (Community
Glossary). Some
TTGP acronyms often used or not listed there are… BBT
= basal body temperature/thermometer BETA
= blood test for HCG BG
= Bump gods CD
= cycle day CS/Q = chart stalk and/or question DOR
= diminished ovarian reserve DPO
= days post ovulation DE
= donor eggs/embryos ED
= every day EOD
= every other day FF
= Fertility Friend GL
= good luck GTKY
= getting to know you HIO
= hump it out NTNP
= not trying not preventing QFP
= quoted for posterity/preservation/permanence R/R = rants and/or raves SS
= speshul snoflayke (also used for symptom spotting) T&P
= thoughts and prayers TLDR
= too long didn't read TTA
= trying to avoid TWW
= two week wait WAYDTGKU
= what are you doing to get knocked up WK
= white knight WTO
= waiting to ovulate
For
more, in-depth comments and suggestions from posters on what they
would say if they could tell a newbie anything, read this thread.
Please
take the time to let all of this information sink in and make sure
your questions have not already been answered here or on another
thread. We hope you stick around (hopefully not too long!) and
benefit from the wonderful support and knowledge this community has
to offer. Good luck!
Re: TTGP Board Discussion Voting Post **Results Posted**
DD #2: May 2020
Baby #3: EDD May 2023; MC October 2022
I completely disagree with this in every possible way. If the random drive-by person asking us if they're pregnant in infact pregnant then they aren't trying to get pregnant anymore and don't belong on a TTGP board. So there is absolutely no reason why a random drive-by who has never posted a single post here before should come back to update us with how they're totally in fact pregnant. I understand getting a BFP is super exciting and some ladies are going to want to share that with the internet even if they're not apart of the community. But for the ladies who feel that way they need to go share with their BMB, 1st trimester board or literally any other pregnancy board on the whole wide internet. We're not telling them that if the test is negative they can't stay and participate. We're not telling them that if its positive and they have a CP/MC they can't come back here and participate when they're TTC again. We're only asking that they kindly go announce a BFP literally anywhere else on the internet that isn't here. And I think that is fair to everyone involved. I honestly just see it as incredibly selfish and rude to insist on posting a drive-by BFP to a board of ladies who are TTC when many of them are struggling TTCAL and/or IF when that BFP could be announced anywhere and everywhere else. Maybe that's just me though.
That being said I do think there are times when the sarcasm on certain threads gets a little much. Generally the original poster on those threads made a massive TOU violation and/or generally disrespected the community so they kinda deserved it. Just saying. Though sure there are times when some people could be nicer about things but that will always be true in life outside of the board also. People just aren't perfect.
What does this even mean? Was this just being rude and complaining simply for the sake of being rude and complaining? Like "gee I really want to say something rude and I really want to complain about something but I can't really think of anything valid. hmm OK I'll just ask if there is a blood sacrifice to post on the forum. No idea what that means but it'll get across my desire to be rude and complain. Good enough!"
But whoever put that let me just answer your question: Nope, no blood sacrifice, monthly tithe or "other ridiculous commitment to even post on this board." If you want to post here literally all you need to do is make a post in WTO/TWW, one of the other daily threads, etc. It's really that easy.
I could be totally wrong here but I think the "search before you ask" is mostly to keep from having the same couple of questions asked over and over and over again. I also participate in a TTC community over on Reddit and I've noticed there are a couple of questions that get posted every single day. And sometimes they even get asked more than once within the same day when the question is literally still on the front page. It doesn't really make sense to say its easier for the regular posters to have to type out answers to the same question on different posts every single day than it is for a newer poster to just read the several existing threads on the issue. Plus a lot of questions that get asks here are already answered in pinned threads like the newbie guide.
I don't think anyone is really suggesting that if you're asking a question that hasn't been answered in a year that you can't ask it.
I really doubt it was intentional. I know some months we've had someone start the siggy challenge, get their BFP and leave for their BMB and then someone else volunteers to take up the duties of updating the thread for nominations/creating a poll etc. I think if someone feels they would do a better job and wants to volunteer that no one would have a problem with that. I appreciate the ladies who volunteer to do these things and recognize that often if whoever volunteered hadn't volunteered it wouldn't have gotten done at all. So there is that.
Maybe this isn't the board for anyone who feels that way. While we are making an effort to make some changes to reflect the current thoughts, opinions and feelings of the current members I doubt this board will become a wild west free for all devoid of rules, regulations and a certain amount of "PCness" if you will.
Edit: formatting.
TTC#1: January 2015- September 2016
Infertility, Recurrent Pregnancy Loss
Rainbow baby born June 6, 2017 ❤️
Baby #2 due June 12, 2018
*TW loss, maybe? I'm still unclear about how much you have to talk about loss to warrant a TW.
I am early in this TTC game and have not experienced loss, and know that those who have done so or who have been TTC for a while may feel differently, but I really like seeing BFPs. Often this board makes it seem like no one ever gets pregnant (maybe because many people simply disappear when they do). When I'm feeling that way I go to the community on Glow (there are pretty much no rules over there) and look at BFPs to my heart's content. I agree that BFPs should be posted in the weekly grad thread (I like the suggested name change to BFP thread, but then I am worried people might post pics of their tests which is against the TOU) but I would be in favor of having more of them (BFPs, not threads). But if others disagree I'll just keep going to Glow for that, which is fine.
DD #2: May 2020
Baby #3: EDD May 2023; MC October 2022
"If you get your BFP, there's no need to update us. Please move on to your BMB. Otherwise, check out the WTO/TWW and newbie guides and feel free to jump in."
Or
"Posting pee sticks is against the TOU; please move on to your BMB."
Me: 30 | DH: 34 | DSS: 14 | DS: 4
PG #2, EDD 10/12/2023
You killed it girl. I'm in complete agreement with you.
Married: November 2015
TTC#1: January 2016
BFP: 5/02/16 - MC: 5/27/16
I agree with both of these ladies. And although no members opinion should hold more importance than another, I find it interesting that all of the 'veterans' including myself were quite upset at a number of the comments made. I personally feel like this board was a completely different culture back in November when I first started. Yes it was strict and controlled but for good reason. We supported each other and any newcomers that joined in without violating TOU. Straight forward comments are expected and appropriate for those who fail to read the rules and lurk the boards. I was new once too and have never been flamed for posting. I took my 2 days of no posting when I signed up to lurk and read the rules and jumped right in on the WTO threads. We have not held grudges against those who have broken TOU so long as they recognize their mistake. There is only an issue when we are lashed out at such as many past comments calling us "bitter" or claiming we would make bad mothers. We are structured for a reason but not unreasonably so. Maybe some of us have more negative experiences than others, but we do our best to respect and support each other. If we can have structures that avoid triggers for certain women, then we should have them as we already do and voting has seemed to dictate. I know this turned into a rant and may turn some people off, but the structure of this community has been crucial to many of us still TTC and those who have graduated. I don't feel at all bad for giving blanket responses to posts. And I don't find it necessary to baby every individual who looks at this board. If a question or post is better placed somewhere else, they can be an adult, take the advice and participate like everyone else on this board.
Previously nweg...7878
I do see how the language can be off-putting. But I don't think there is really a much nicer/welcoming way to say "we think you should test and when you do if it's positive we kinda just really don't want to know.
I understand where you're coming from. When I first started TTC I liked seeing them also. Now every time I see a loss it's just a one-way ticket to depression. I know it probably shouldn't be and I feel bad about it; but it's true. I can't help but think about all my losses and how long I've been TTC without a successful pregnancy. I can't help but think of the absolutely countless (literally I probably couldn't count all of them) BFPs I've seen announced on TTC forums, Facebook, other social media, within my family and DH's family etc. since my husband and I have started TTC. And it's just really, really hard emotionally.
I feel a little guilty and ashamed admitting this but if this board turned into a place where I started being surprised by BFPs (ya know like they weren't in the weekly thread) frequently I'd probably stop coming here and just go find an IF board.
TTC#1: January 2015- September 2016
Infertility, Recurrent Pregnancy Loss
Rainbow baby born June 6, 2017 ❤️
Baby #2 due June 12, 2018
It seems like many people have opinions counter to mine about the language in response to TOU violations, so I'll cede my position in favor of the group's. The only things I still feel really strongly about is the "regular contributor" language (and it seems like the majority shares this opinion) and the umpteen pinned posts (mostly because on mobile they are annoying.)
DD #2: May 2020
Baby #3: EDD May 2023; MC October 2022
*siggy warning*
mmc . mar 2016
dx PCOS (non-IR) / subclinical hypothyroidism . summer 2016
tx metformin, levothyroxine, LP progesterone, femara + trigger + ti . fall/winter 2016
BFP . jan 2017
DD . oct 2017
ntnp #2 . summer 2018
mmc x2 . sep 2018 & may 2019
RE workup, dx MTHFR mutation, ultimately unexplained . summer 2019
surprise BFP . aug 2019
DS . may 2020
dx Hashimoto's 2023
ttc #3 . feb 2023
mmc . apr 2023
mmc x3 . mar/jul/aug 2024
dx elevated nk cells
tx ovasitol, levothyroxine, baby aspirin, LP progesterone, lovenox, prednisone, femara + ti . jan 2025
BFP . mar 2025
DH: 33
Married: October 2015
TTC #1: October 2015
EDD #1: June/July 2017
RE: If you get a BFP, no need to post here, just move on to your BMB
What up, ladiezzzzzzzzz. As the original writer of the Weekly Grad thread, I'll go ahead and 2cents this. When the weekly grad thread was started, there was the overwhelming attitude of "NO DRIVE-BYS THAT WILL BE THE WORST" as it had just gotten its kick off. Community vote at that time was to have the "regulars only", even to the point where one particular post got flamed to heck and back for getting her BFP first cycle, despite posting daily here during that time. Hence why we've added the "quantity and quality" language, hence why that line was there, etc etc.
I've gone with what the community attitude was, but I can just say that I am super duper happy to remove that requirement and exclusionary language. I've always been of the opinion that if you think a particular bfp post within the grad thread is a drive-by, then just... scroll past and move on your day. So! That line and anything similar is getting removed.
When I post tomorrow, I will update the language accordingly (although I will keep the "this is not the thread to ask if you are pregnant" part because TOU). Eh, I may post it late tonight so I don't forget.
Also, izza2, I'd be happy to write the basic paragraphs to the other thread - you were talking about noob intro thread, yeah? I'll do it in the morning while I'm running reports at work.
Me: 28 & Partner: 32 | Married 2014
BFP 7/29 EDD 4/11
I am also really looking forward to unpinning some of the threads. There are a lot up there.
2017 - egg retrieval #1 - 3 eggs, 0 embryos appropriate for transfer; ER #2 2 eggs, 0 embryos on day 3; ER #3 1 egg 0 embryos
moved to donor egg in summer 2017; 35 eggs retrieved; 19 fertilized; 9 total embryos
Fresh transfer Dec 2017= BFP! baby boy born 8/22/18
May 2019 - surprise natural pregnancy ended in MC
Nov 2019 FET; MC at 9 weeks
May 2020 FET; BFN
July 2020 FET; CP treated with methotrexate
Oct 2020 BFP!
Take a look at my blog
@BumpAdmin @BumpTara @BumpCaitlin
Can we please get the following pinned threads un-pinned?
"Secrets to Surviving The Waiting Game"
"Pro-tips on How to Deal when Everyone Else is Pregnant"
"You Know you're TTC When..."
"Exciting New Product from The Bump"
"Introduce Yourself Here"
Me: 30 | DH: 34 | DSS: 14 | DS: 4
PG #2, EDD 10/12/2023
Is there a specific day that we feel would be best for that to be started each week?
Me: 30 | DH: 34 | DSS: 14 | DS: 4
PG #2, EDD 10/12/2023
Married 2010
TTC since Nov. 2015
BFP#1: 2/8/16
MC: 3/19/16
BFP#2: 9/3/16 EDD: 5/17/17
mommy to the cutest rescue mutt ever.
my chart
Married 2010
TTC since Nov. 2015
BFP#1: 2/8/16
MC: 3/19/16
BFP#2: 9/3/16 EDD: 5/17/17
mommy to the cutest rescue mutt ever.
my chart
As of right now, I'm battling with trying to get the intro thread unpinned. If staff decides not to unpin it for their own whatever reasons -- do we still want to go ahead and do a weekly intro thread (as they suggested to me), or just keep intros the way they are?
Obviously we wanted to change it because right now the intros are just amassed and it's awkward for some to even think of replying to individual intros, and various other reasons.
Hopefully our wishes are honored, but if they're not - thoughts on that matter?
Me: 30 | DH: 34 | DSS: 14 | DS: 4
PG #2, EDD 10/12/2023
Me: 42 | DH: 45
TTC since Dec. 2014
BFP #1 Oct. 2015 | MC Nov. 2015
Sept. 2016: FSH, AMH, E2, TSH, etc. all normal. | Oct. 2016: HSG all clear! | Nov. 2016: Hysteroscopy & H's SA both great results
Dec. 2016 - Follistim + TI
BFP #2 12/25/16 | Natural MC 2/13/17 | False BFP leads to D&C 4/20/17 | Emergency D&C + hysteroscopy 5/16/17
To be fair though, I remember that flaming (if you're talking about the one back in late April), and there was a fairly good reason she got that attitude. She literally had 14 total posts excluding her grad thread posts (that was the only thing that stuck out in my mind about that flaming lol). It was just that no one knew her; no one could place her. There'd been almost no interaction between her and the community.
BFP May 16th 2016
DD born January 30 2017
Surprise BFP/MC April 2017
That's like saying "you didn't spend more than one month TTGP so you're not welcome here because you weren't really trying".
Me: 30 | DH: 34 | DSS: 14 | DS: 4
PG #2, EDD 10/12/2023
Me: 30 | DH: 34 | DSS: 14 | DS: 4
PG #2, EDD 10/12/2023
TTC#1: January 2015- September 2016
Infertility, Recurrent Pregnancy Loss
Rainbow baby born June 6, 2017 ❤️
Baby #2 due June 12, 2018
And also the April girl... There were other issues with her aside from her 14 posts. It was the quality of her posts and the interactions regular members had with her.
Married: November 2015
TTC#1: January 2016
BFP: 5/02/16 - MC: 5/27/16
I'm not personally beating a dead horse of a topic any more than has already been done, so have at it.
Me: 30 | DH: 34 | DSS: 14 | DS: 4
PG #2, EDD 10/12/2023
Married: 5/30/2013
DSS #1: 5/25/2007
DSS #2: 1/22/2011
DS #3: 7/8/2012
BFP: 3/14/2016 ~ MC: 3/19/2016
DS #4: 4/21/17
Ages (you and SO):
*siggy warning*
mmc . mar 2016
dx PCOS (non-IR) / subclinical hypothyroidism . summer 2016
tx metformin, levothyroxine, LP progesterone, femara + trigger + ti . fall/winter 2016
BFP . jan 2017
DD . oct 2017
ntnp #2 . summer 2018
mmc x2 . sep 2018 & may 2019
RE workup, dx MTHFR mutation, ultimately unexplained . summer 2019
surprise BFP . aug 2019
DS . may 2020
dx Hashimoto's 2023
ttc #3 . feb 2023
mmc . apr 2023
mmc x3 . mar/jul/aug 2024
dx elevated nk cells
tx ovasitol, levothyroxine, baby aspirin, LP progesterone, lovenox, prednisone, femara + ti . jan 2025
BFP . mar 2025
Married: 5/30/2013
DSS #1: 5/25/2007
DSS #2: 1/22/2011
DS #3: 7/8/2012
BFP: 3/14/2016 ~ MC: 3/19/2016
DS #4: 4/21/17
Me: 30 | DH: 34 | DSS: 14 | DS: 4
PG #2, EDD 10/12/2023
I'm off this weekend, and aside from housework and basking in any sun we have, I have no plans, so I may start working on re-writing the Newbie post so we can get that updated and replace the current one.
Me: 30 | DH: 34 | DSS: 14 | DS: 4
PG #2, EDD 10/12/2023
Me: 42 | DH: 45
TTC since Dec. 2014
BFP #1 Oct. 2015 | MC Nov. 2015
Sept. 2016: FSH, AMH, E2, TSH, etc. all normal. | Oct. 2016: HSG all clear! | Nov. 2016: Hysteroscopy & H's SA both great results
Dec. 2016 - Follistim + TI
BFP #2 12/25/16 | Natural MC 2/13/17 | False BFP leads to D&C 4/20/17 | Emergency D&C + hysteroscopy 5/16/17
Me: 32 years old
DS1 Due 6.7.2021
Me: 30 | DH: 34 | DSS: 14 | DS: 4
PG #2, EDD 10/12/2023
Do we want to have it as one big wall of text, like it currently is - one OP for all of the information - or do we want the OP to be the general opening/basics, and then separate other information by their topic, in to replies after the OP?
Like...
OP: general welcome, guideline links, How-To Guides, abbreviations
Reply 1: TW info, BFP info
Reply 2: Tools for TTC, TWW/WTO threads
Me: 30 | DH: 34 | DSS: 14 | DS: 4
PG #2, EDD 10/12/2023
Married: 5/30/2013
DSS #1: 5/25/2007
DSS #2: 1/22/2011
DS #3: 7/8/2012
BFP: 3/14/2016 ~ MC: 3/19/2016
DS #4: 4/21/17
Me: 30 | DH: 34 | DSS: 14 | DS: 4
PG #2, EDD 10/12/2023
--------------------
Hello! Welcome to the Trying To Get Pregnant (TTGP) board!
This is a general how-to/information post to help you better understand the community and how the board generally works. All blue text are links to other posts for more information.
Once you've read through this post and feel more comfortable, please introduce yourself to the community. There are weekly introduction threads started every Monday for intro posts, where the community can get to know the newest members and welcome them.
Guidelines
First, please read these threads and learn the rules of this board:
The Bump Guidelines
Welcome New Members
Am I Pregnant?
First thing: it is against the forum rules to ask if you are pregnant (straight forward or in a round about way) and to post pictures of HPTs asking about lines. A line is a line=pregnant. The only place you can post your HPT is What Does A Positive Test Look Like in First Tri. If you are looking for a success story, the 1st, 2nd, or 3rd Trimester; Pregnant After Infertility or Pregnant After Loss boards are best suited for your question. We can not tell you if you are pregnant, so please don't ask. Take a test, if it's negative, lurk some more and get to know the community. If it's positive, congratulations, please move on to your BMB or First Tri and participate there.
The number one rule of this board is to lurk. Lurk and lurk some more. Please refrain from creating a new thread to ask any questions that have been asked recently. If you have a question regarding your cycle or chart, please ask in the Waiting To Ovulate (WTO) or Two Week Wait (TWW) threads. Otherwise, if you have a general question for the whole community, it may be better suited to start a new thread.
Trigger Warnings (TW)
Please be respectful and precede posts with a Trigger Warning (TW) for certain circumstances. This includes triggers such as all losses, BFPs, abuse, rape, violence, abortion, etc. It gives posters a heads up to either prepare themselves for what they're about to read or the courtesy to skip the post without reading something that could be traumatic for them. You do not need a TW for topics such as children, general pregnancy, etc.
Big Fat Positives (BFPs)
Once you get your Big Fat Positive test (BFP), the appropriate place to post is in the weekly Graduation Thread. Please do not post your BFP in the TWW thread. Please do not include your HPTs – those can be shared in the previously mentioned positive test thread.
Things to Avoid
1) Do not dirty delete. If you get flamed, please do not delete your post (you most likely have already been quoted anyways). Future lurkers/posters can and may learn from the experience.
2) The term baby dust is not accepted here. The term is particularly offensive and hurtful to those who have unfortunately had to cremate their baby. Please be considerate to those TTC After Loss.
“Late” & “Light” Periods
If you are concerned you are late but are getting negative tests, it is very likely you have ovulated later than you thought or you may not have ovulated yet. Your body is not a machine and it will vary cycle to cycle. You are regular until you're not. You will not always ovulate on the same day every cycle. If you think you may be pregnant, test once a week until you get your period or a positive test. If you hit cycle day 60, talk to your doctor about jump starting your next cycle.
If you are just coming off of birth control, it may take time for your body to regulate and get back to normal. This is normal. Your body has to get back in the habit of producing the hormones that birth control was suppressing. It is not uncommon for it to take a few months before your cycles return to your normal. One woman's experience will not necessarily be the same for you. Every body is different.
You have had your period if there is enough bleeding to fill a pad or tampon, no matter how light or heavy is it, or how short or long it lasts. This is not the same as spotting. Period heaviness and length can change time to time. You're normal until you're not.
Tools While TTGP
Your Chances
Always assume you are the rule, not the exception. You have about a 20% chance of conception each cycle you ovulate. It can take a normal, healthy couple up to 1 year to get pregnant. If you still aren't pregnant after a year of consistent and/or well-timed sex, schedule an appointment with a Reproductive Endocrinologist (RE). If you're 35 years old or older, this is cut down to 6 months of trying with consistent/well-timed sex. If you are having recurrent miscarriages, unfortunately, the norm is to wait until at least a 3rd miscarriage before seeing a specialist.
Charting
Fertility Friend (FF) is the charting resource most posters use to monitor their cycles. It is a wealth of information on charting. It is free to sign up and use (VIP is available for purchase). There are tutorials to read and learn about how to chart and what the different fertility signs mean. There is also a fun game you can play to test out your skills on detecting ovulation. FF also has a great FAQ section on their website about charting topics such as temping when working night shifts, alcohol and temping, traveling, luteal phase length, and detecting ovulation. This board recommends charting because it can help relieve the stress of not knowing where you are at in your cycle as well as many other reasons.
Infertility
If you think you might have trouble getting pregnant, there is a RESOLVE Fertility Assessment that may help you. It specifically screens for symptoms related to female infertility as well as male factor infertility. PCOS, Endometriosis, Thyroid Disease, etc. are all conditions that can (but not always!) lead to infertility. However, this does not replace testing done by an RE or your OBGYN, and it should not be used to self-diagnose. Do not borrow trouble by assuming you suffer from infertility (IF) because you have not gotten pregnant yet. Only a physician can diagnose you with IF.
Clomid/Femara
If you are on Clomid/Femara, please be aware of the risks. You should only be taking Clomid/Femara under strict supervision of a RE. We have many women who have been on or are currently on one of the two drugs and would be happy to share their experiences and potential negative-effects with you. For more information, please read this post.
Books
Most posters advise reading the book Taking Charge of Your Fertility (TCOYF) by Toni Weschler. She came out with a new 20th anniversary edition July 2015. You will learn more than you thought possible from this book. It has information on how to maximize your chance of conception, the different phases of and key events in your menstrual cycle, fertility issues, and so much more!
Basal Body Temperature (BBT)
Temping (tracking your BBT) is how most posters on this board confirm ovulation. The Mabis Basal Body Thermometer is the thermometer this board generally recommends for temping. It does not favor temps like other BBTs (i.e., Target, CVS, etc.) Getting a BBT over a regular thermometer is important because some women have subtle temp shifts and BBTs are precise to the hundredths. BBT is the only accurate way to track your ovulation at-home.
Ovulation/Implantation Bleeding
Implantation and ovulation bleeding are not common, and it can only be confirmed in hindsight. Always assume you are the rule, not the exception. Basal Body Temperature (BBT) implantation dips and ovulation spikes can only be confirmed in hindsight as well. Temperatures can fluctuate for any number of reason, not just for implantation and ovulation.
Ovulation Predictor Kits (OPKs)
OPKs are a great secondary resource to BBTs. They will tell you when your body is having a Leutenizing Hormone (LH) surge. LH is the hormone that stimulates the release of an egg. The LH surge can last as little as 12 hours, and it is possible to have multiple surges in one cycle. That is why many posters advise to have sex until Fertility Friend gives you crosshairs. It is also possible to get a positive OPK for more than one day. A positive OPK does not guarantee you will ovulate. Respectively, a negative OPK cycle does not mean you didn't ovulate; it's not uncommon to not turn an OPK positive. Many posters recommend the Wondfo OPKs (please be aware of Wondfo fakes) and the ClearBlue OPKs. Please refer to the instructions of the OPK you are using to see if you can test multiple times a day, should use first morning urine or not, or what the results of your OPK can indicate.
Cervical Fluid (CF) and Cervical Position (CP)
If you are having a hard time discerning the differences in your cervical mucus and cervical position, you are not alone. Here are a few threads that should help you figure it out:
The Cervix Feels Like A Penis
Beautiful Cervix (NSFW)
How To Detect CP and CM For Your Charts
Lubrication
Pre-Seed is a lubricant that won't kill sperm. It is made for those who do not produce enough fertile cervical fluid (egg white cervical mucus) to help facilitate sperm. In general, less is more when using Pre-Seed. Note: Pre-seed does not increases your chances of conceiving, it is simply a lubricant that will not kill sperm.
Prenatals and Alcohol
It is recommended that when you start TTC you take a prenatal, that way key nutrient stores are already beginning to build up in your system before you get pregnant. It is very important to get enough Folic Acid in order to help reduce the risk of certain birth defects. DHA is also recommended as it aids in brain and eye development. If you are considering gummy prenatals, they do not contain iron or calcium (if that is important to you).
Many posters here adhere to the phrase "drink until it's pink." As of now, it is believed that mother and baby do not share blood in the very early stages of pregnancy. Therefore, alcohol will not be shared with the developing baby and poses little to no risk to the baby. It is mostly a matter of personal preference whether you decide to forgo alcohol once you enter the TWW or wait until you turn a test positive.
Some helpful tips for the WTO/TWW threads
These threads are a good way to get your foot in the door on this board and start getting to know the community. Use these threads to complain about symptoms (the only place on this board that won't be flamed for symptom spotting) and ask questions related to your FF chart, ovulation, and the TWW. There is a spot on these threads specifically meant for any questions and chart stalks you may need (Q/CS).
-Month/Cycle = How many months you have been TTC/how many cycles you have been TTC. These will not always be the same.
-WAYDTGKU = What Are You Doing To Get Knocked Up? Are you are temping, charting, or observing cm and cp; sex frequency; OPK; prenatal; medication; diet; etc.?
-Timing = When you had sex during your fertile window: -5, -4, -3, -2, -1, 0, or +1. Day 0 is ovulation (O) day. -1 is the day before O, -2 is two days before O, etc. +1 is the day after O and is included for standard error. Anything outside of these times is not considered your fertile window and should not be considered.
If you have already started TTC but are now benched or Trying To Avoid (TTA), you may not feel comfortable on the WTO or TTW threads. There is a weekly Benched/TTA thread where you can check-in and talk with others in similar situations.
How-To Guides
-How to GIF
-How to add a signature
-How to quote: Hit the "quote" at the bottom of the post you want to quote. You will be taken to the reply box with the quote set up already.
-How to tag: Add a "@" in front of the username of the person you are talking to.
-How to search: Please use the search function located in the top right corner on mobile, or in the bottom right at the bottom of the page on desktop. You can narrow your results by just searching on the TTGP board. You can also use Google and search the entire TheBump website that way.
-How to change your username: log in to TheKnot, hover over My Knot, and click Account Settings. If you are having issues doing it that way, you can email community@thebump.com and ask them to change your username. Give them a few suggestions just in case your top choice is taken. It may take up to 24 hours for the name to update.
Most Common Abbreviations
A comprehensive list can be found here. This link is found at the bottom of every page of TB (Community Glossary).
Some TTGP acronyms often used or not listed there are…
BBT = basal body temperature/thermometer
BETA = blood test for HCG
BG = Bump gods
CD = cycle day
CS/Q = chart stalk and/or question
DOR = diminished ovarian reserve
DPO = days post ovulation
DE = donor eggs/embryos
ED = every day
EOD = every other day
FF = Fertility Friend
GL = good luck
GTKY = getting to know you
HIO = hump it out
NTNP = not trying not preventing
QFP = quoted for posterity/preservation/permanence
R/R = rants and/or raves
SS = speshul snoflayke (also used for symptom spotting)
T&P = thoughts and prayers
TLDR = too long didn't read
TTA = trying to avoid
TWW = two week wait
WAYDTGKU = what are you doing to get knocked up
WK = white knight
WTO = waiting to ovulate
For more, in-depth comments and suggestions from posters on what they would say if they could tell a newbie anything, read this thread.
Please take the time to let all of this information sink in and make sure your questions have not already been answered here or on another thread. We hope you stick around (hopefully not too long!) and benefit from the wonderful support and knowledge this community has to offer. Good luck!
Me: 30 | DH: 34 | DSS: 14 | DS: 4
PG #2, EDD 10/12/2023