Pro-tips on How to Deal When Everyone Else is Pregnant

BumpCaitlin

Babies and bumps are the last thing you want to see right now, yet they seem to be popping up everywhere.

We know how it feels, so we asked a pro to share tips on how to cope. Our favorite? Making the most out of your baby-free life...for now.

How do you deal when everyone else is pregnant, and you’re trying to get pregnant?

P.S. Let's take our friendship to the next level. Like us on Facebook

lisabarroso

Seems like everyone around me is posting pregnancy and birth announcements. I feel a little discouraged, thinking about why I'm not pregnant yet. I just tell myself it's a part of my plan just not meant to happen now and enjoy my "freedom" like the post recommends.

Atlas12

Thank you for posting this! After our first pregnancy ending in a m/c and being unsuccessful at conceiving since... this is exactly why I felt it was time to reach out to a community. My best friend is pregnant, and so are 3 other girls (my age) in my family. I have also been trying to "enjoy the freedom" while we have it, but still get moments where I can't help but feel sad.

ck1986

Love this!! It's incredibly timing as I've been struggling with this the past few days. This article gave some great advice!

maryfari

I keep telling myself that these baby free days are memorable days in a waynand yes that helps. The last two weeks have been filled with baby news and pregnancy news, but I try to keep positive. Great list!! Totally going to follow it!

jewelzy11

First pregnancy ended in a miscarriage, and still have been able to get pregnant a year later. Seemed like the whole world had babies or was pregnant. It was like every tv show, every FB post! Still get that ache when I see it a year later.

Nice to know I am not alone and I shouldn't apologize for feeling that way.

PrimRoseMama

I drink & have sex. ;;)

PugsandKisses

Realize that no, not every one is pregnant. It is just 1) you are more aware of it because you want a child yourself. 2) their pregnancy has no bearing on yours. There is no quota for babies.

It is ok to have a pity party for a afternoon or what, but then you just have to move one. Then do as @PrimRoseMama said, drink and sex.

JRod524

I have had two miscarriages in 9 months and all my friends have gotten pregnant first try and I am happy for them. It took me a long time to come to terms with being happy for them since I would question why not myself. One day I will be pregnant and someone may look at me and think negative thoughts and I wouldn't want that. It will be my turn soon enough.

RiverSong15

I would also add that it helps to educate yourself about your body, the TTC process, and what is normal. I think a lot of the stress in TTC comes from unrealistic expectations. Despite what we are taught in high school Sex ED (have unprotected sex one time and you will get pregnant, get chlamydia, and die!!!!), it can take up to a year to get pregnant for a NORMAL healthy couple. If it's month four and you're upset because you're not pregnant, that's fine. Just don't heap extra stress on yourself thinking there's a problem with your body, when the real problems are your expectations and pre-conceived (pun intended) notions.

Gretchen1771

I had a MMC after almost a year of trying. I was due this coming July 29th. One of my good friends who I worked with just left because she is due July 31st and I am getting ready to cover the leave of another girl who is due July 26th. We work in a small office and all the clients that come in make constant comments and even tell me "don't drink the water here like those girls did." I get mad/hurt and feel that I was supposed to be having a baby with them, my belly should be that big, too! Several of my other friends have announced their pregnancies for summer babies and I've had to avoid social media for my sanity. It's been really tough and I definitely have some moments where I struggle, but at the same time I have learned a lot from all baby talk going around the office. I have picked up some ideas for when it will finally be my time. Sometimes that thought helps a lot. Donuts help also. When I need to remove myself from too much of the baby talk I go to the back and the sugar rush makes things much better  I just started with a fertility specialist so fingers crossed my next chance will be soon. Best wishes to everyone else TTC!

bntfroggie

Gretchen1771 said:

I had a MMC after almost a year of trying. I was due this coming July 29th. One of my good friends who I worked with just left because she is due July 31st and I am getting ready to cover the leave of another girl who is due July 26th. We work in a small office and all the clients that come in make constant comments and even tell me "don't drink the water here like those girls did." I get mad/hurt and feel that I was supposed to be having a baby with them, my belly should be that big, too! Several of my other friends have announced their pregnancies for summer babies and I've had to avoid social media for my sanity. It's been really tough and I definitely have some moments where I struggle, but at the same time I have learned a lot from all baby talk going around the office. I have picked up some ideas for when it will finally be my time. Sometimes that thought helps a lot. Donuts help also. When I need to remove myself from too much of the baby talk I go to the back and the sugar rush makes things much better  I just started with a fertility specialist so fingers crossed my next chance will be soon. Best wishes to everyone else TTC!

Sorry for your loss I had a MMC in April, and have people coming out of the wood works to tell me they are pregnant, I am lucky and work is my sanctuary because I am one of the only girls here of child bearing age and the other girl doesn't want kids so I'm sorry you don't have that as your safe place :-( .  I wish you the best on your journey.

Also,

jnttc2

I've been lurking and seeing everyone post about their bfp's and things. My own sister just announced that she is pregnant with her 4th!! I am so unbelievably jealous! How do you ladies deal with it? I want to just pout and throw a fit like my 4 year old lol I had a MC almost 2 years ago, I am finally excited to be TTC...

ninnerpoos

That's how I feel! My sister in law mentioned she might be pregnant and I'm thinking 'no! It's not your turn yet!!' Everything about it feels unfair and I feel I have to have more trust and faith.. and maybe chocolate.

mrsespigreen

DH and I have a pre-baby bucket list of all the things we can/want to do before having our LO. It ranges from sleeping in on the weekend, to trying a new restaurant and stay out till late. I find that it is kind of nice to have these things written out. so when one of us (mostly me) see a post or someone with their baby we pick something on the list to do.

ninnerpoos

Isn't there some kind of 'meet people in your area' group where everyone can suffer or celebrate together? Like 'hey, we're all TTC near Daytona. Let's make a trip to the beach'

mrsespigreen

ninnerpoos said:

Isn't there some kind of 'meet people in your area' group where everyone can suffer or celebrate together? Like 'hey, we're all TTC near Daytona. Let's make a trip to the beach'

That would be nice
I feel like none of our friends can relate. I'm 24 yet been trying for over a year now(11 cycle). Feel like alone, hence making the list of stuff to do while we still can

latson123

What a great idea!

FutureBFP

It's so difficult especially when you have been doing everything by the book. You want to feel happy for everyone but deep down there's a jealousy and anger feeling that you just can't help. Well,that's me anyway...

crdo

I hear ya, ladies.

DH and I have been married almost 6 years, while I have 2 SILs that were each married within the last 2 years. Both (!!) of them are expecting, and their little ones will be the first grandchildren in the family. So...it's been really fun to hear family members tell me "Man, I thought for sure you would be the first to have a baby!", or "Aren't you next?". Ugh. Eyeroll.

To deal, I just let myself have a mini-pity party once in a while, acknowledging I'm frustrated and sad that my friends and family concieved so quickly and (seemingly) easily. Yes, I'm even jealous, as much as I hate to admit it. Then, I pull myself out of that particular rabbit hole and move on. I focus on the fact that one way or another I will someday be a mother, too. Yes, this situaton is painful and difficult now, but I tell myself it won't be this way forever.

In situations where I'm stuck in the midst of invasive questions, I just politely and firmly change the subject without answering. Works pretty well for shutting things down. When stuck in a baby talk conversation with other moms/moms-to-be, I just find a reason to be elsewhere, or change the subject when possible.

The last thing (to wrap up my novel), is that friend once told me, "You know, it doesn't matter how you welcome a baby, you're still a mom." That's really stuck with me.

jessnjuan07

I just keep telling myself, "trust in God's plan." I know not all of you ladies are believers but that literally has gotten me through year after year after year after year of not having a baby. I have a 14 year old son who I am so thankful for and many don't have that so I definitely count my blessings and I trust that the one who created the universe and created me has a plan for my life and I just have to trust it. I do believe that I have more children in my future I will just be all the more surprised, excited, and grateful when it happens.

Megz1902

I have had Babies on the Brain for the last few years. DH and I finally got on the same page and are ready this year. It's been rough watching friends younger than me or married less years announce pregnancies. I have to remind myself often that we are all not on the same timeline nor should we be.

The hardest has been seeing "oopsie" announcements. "Oops, my bf of 6 months and I are expecting!" I know birth control is not perfect, but I've successfully avoided pregnancy for 10 years with just condoms... Maybe we were just "lucky".

I am happy for my friends and acquaintances when I see their announcements, but a part of me wonders "when Is my turn?"

ETA: realized I didn't really mention "How I deal". I try to enjoy the time my DH and I have as just us too, b/c I know it will be less when we add to our family.

ninnerpoos

Well today a friend announced they are expecting. My ovaries have been hurting and now I'm questioning if I really was ovulating when I thought I was (early in the month). I need to get a bbt and be better about charting on FF. I chart some things, but not as consistently as I should. It's my first month TTC and it's been a stressful one due to outside situations. Maybe, just maybe, a sucker fish latched on and A certain someone will be a no show this month. And the next. And the next..

ninnerpoos

@megz1902 That's how I feel about birth control, well.. sort of. We've used the trusty "pull out" method which apparently works wonders for us, while elsewhere hundreds of "oopsies" are happening from this very method. Sometimes that didnt even happen and still.. nothing. Must I dance naked under tonights new moon?

cattlebride

@BumpAdmin is there any chance we can get rid of a few of these threads that are pinned at the top? It's hard to navigate through on mobile and it doesn't seem to prevent new individualized threads on the exact same topics. For example the how to survive the waiting game and what to do when everyone else is pregnant.

jsscmrnl

Lately it's been so hard to stay positive because I'm not trying to exaggerate but almost everyone around me is pregnant, or they already have a kid. I just want one! Just one! Today I saw on my bosses desk her memo to schedule her sonogram and I just wanted to cry. Don't get me wrong I'm happy for them all, and I'm planning my sisters baby shower, but it's just getting too hard lately to hide my feelings. I'm glad to know I'm not alone

adrimidas

My partner and I have been TTC and today we found out another one of our friends are expecting. As much as I am happy for them I couldn't help but be so upset that we have not yet conceived. I think it's mainly because all of their announcements have been "oops" announcements. Maybe we're just trying to hard and aren't letting it happen when it's just meant to happen. This waiting period really does take it's toll.

jtsabo

DH and I are lucky in that generally our friends and family have all had their babies since we are the youngest of our families and are starting later than most (I'm 30 and DH is 41).

But I have a younger workmate who knows we're trying and feels like she has to tell me every time someone she knows is pregnant. Like, every. Single. Time.

That wouldn't be too bad I guess but then she gets in there with what she thinks are veiled jabs at my age and that she thinks I've waited too long! She even told another workmate that she should get a move on and have babies and this workmate had just been dumped by her partner of 4 years!

sbrittany

It's been discouraging lately because it seems so many people we know are getting pregnant or having their baby. I just trust in God's perfect timing for me

Many blessings to everyone!

LC917

Most of my friends are either pregnant or just had a baby, including a few who weren’t planning on having kids. I’m happy for them but lately I’ve been having a harder time dealing with this. I miscarried a few weeks ago and that same week another friend announced she was pregnant, and she didn’t even want kids… It just felt so unfair. But it’s nice to know other people are dealing with the same emotions.

honeyxlove

This has been very helpful, I'm trying TTC but at the moment but my friend is pregnant and I'm just hoping that my pregnancy doesn't take too long. L-)

Minnie1155

This is helpful as it seems everyone around us keeps getting pregnant except us. Makes me not feel guilty for passing on a baby shower recently, I had a legit reason I couldn't go but knew I wouldn't want to even if I didn't have a reason

lovearoo

I also appreciate this. A friend invited me to her passion party and I was going to go but then found out a mutual friend would be there and she's pregnant.... Decided to skip it.

Javagirl74

I work in an OB office... so I don't have a choice unless I switch jobs. Not going to happen. It's sometimes very difficult. BUT.... I also realize that just because a woman is pregnant now doesn't mean she didn't also struggle to get there.
I learn a lot every day about pregnancy and parenting styles and will hopefully carry bits and pieces of them through my journey.
And then I go home and drink at the end of the day... because although I'm trying to stay super positive, it's still tough to swallow that I'm just not there yet.

MORPHEE

Yep. My sister-in-law is pregnant and I'm honestly happy but a smudge bit jealous.

lavitabella21

@MORPHEE I am in the same boat...

lberry413

Our first pregnancy ended in m/c due to Trisomy 13 when I was 13.5 weeks. My sister has 3 kids, 2 women at work just recently had babies, and another one just announced her son is due in October. It seems like I see tons of pregnant women everyday on my commute home and it still makes me angry and sad because we lost ours. It seems so unfair. I'm glad to know that I'm not the only one feeling this way. There are a lot of us out there struggling as we continue to TTC and it's nice to know there is support.

Best wishes to all of us! 

ravensmom918

I know how all of you feel . I've been trying for a while now .. my co worker just told me the other day she's pregnant. I'm happy for her but at the same time I'm wishing it was me saying I'm pregnant. Well I'm staying positive and when it's time it will happen.

AL_TwinCities

@lberry413 please don't use baby dust on this board. Some bumpies have had to cremate their babies and the term is a painful reminder.

Auruna

I have to admit I get a bit whiny sometimes when I see people either pregnant or with babies.. but then I just try to remind myself that we've not been trying for that long and it'll probably happen at some point. We're not temping or anything like that either, just lots and lots of 'practice' and trying to enjoy that.

Most of all I just really hope that @DutchLucyLu and I can go through the whole thing together, tbh. That would be marvellous

lberry413

@AL_TwinCities I'm sorry, I'm new and I didn't know that. I've seen the comment so many times and was just trying to be optimistic. I feel really terrible about that and removed it.