May Randoms

lulu1180

@brookert615 Mine is also physical touch!  

For anyone who didn't look up the quiz, they apparently have an app now specifically for couples with different love languages: https://www.5lovelanguages.com/lovenudge/

b_1029

I can’t wait until the magical day when I get KU so my friend stops sending me shit like this. *TW* for mention of other’s pregnancy and MC

I think it all just makes me bitter because everything in her life always seems to go perfectly - marriage, job, financial situation - and she keeps going on about when she’s going to go off BC and start trying. Since everything else goes so well and going off BC can make you more fertile, I’m sure she’ll get KU on cycle 1 and never have to make a damn effort otherwise. 

b_1029

Ooo @lulu1180 thanks for the tip. I’ll definitely check that out and hope to eliminate conversations that happen all the time-

me- I feel like I don’t even KNOW you sometimes, I just want to hang out and have a deeper conversation than work...we never spend any time together 

him- we just watched a movie  / sat on our phones in the same room! What do you mean we don’t spend time together? We could go spend some time together upstairs...

me- 🤦🏼‍♀️

inthewoods23

@b_1029 don't go reading the reviews on the FertilAid (I bought a bottle once for DH). A good number of them claim they got PG the next month or within 3. *Sigh*

Also, I feel so insulted on your behalf. Like hey, maybe you should try these pills, it's easy! You'll get KU in no time! Ugh

inthewoods23

@lulu1180 I should definitely look into that app!

whitealbum29

@brookert615 - YES this quiz was honestly so helpful to us! I'm quality time, he is acts of service. I feel like it's like a cheat sheet for your relationship. I bought him an electric toothbrush the other day because I noticed he needed a new one and he seriously brings it up at least twice a week, as though I bought him a car or something. Meanwhile him buying me something practical like that would be nice but wouldn't feel the same as him setting aside time to spend together....and he understands that because I forced him to take the quiz haha. (Athough he kind of enjoys personality quizzes like that so that helped.)

shamrocandroll

Holy crap, you guys... I went back and looked up the rando who posted on the grad thread (it wasn't hard, since she only has 77 replies total on TB), and **TW: BFP

She had her IUD taken out on 8/24 and got her BFP (within 10 seconds, she adds) on 9/20.

Why the flaming f*ck would she think we were remotely interested in hearing her update???

brookert615

@b_1029 Ugh! People are so dumb. I totally agree about how some people have everything in their lives go right so fast 😒. 

@whitealbum29 That's so neat that it's helped so much! So cute about the toothbrush!

@shamrocandroll What... 🤦‍♀️

dpchickens

b_1029   Ugh sorry for your insensitive friend.  My life pretty much consists of stories like that just strung together... apparently it's very uncomfortable talking to an outspoken RPL sufferer who's had 5 MCs. So practically EVERYONE wants to FIX it because it makes THEM uncomfortable.  So almost every conversation ends up being some version of:
Them: "Do you have kids?"
Me: "I've had 5 MCs. We're no longer TTC as I am trying to heal mentally and determine our next steps"
Them: "(terrified look on face)  OH.  I'm so sorry!  Well, my uncle's cousin's nephew's brother's roommate had a similar issue and they just relaxed/took supplement/did a headstand/prayed/ate only mushrooms/etc. and then they had a baby!  Don't give up hope and just keep praying!!!"  
Me: Staring in horror... you know that the problem isn't GETTING PG, it's staying PG for me and that I've already consulted my OB, a MFM, and 2 RE's about this while taking different supplements and various times and stuff, right? But hey, thanks for telling me about drinking rhino piss...  I'll get RIGHT on that...
Them: "Definitely try out X thing!  I'll be excited to hear how it goes!"
Me: :: tries NOT to punch them in the face... :: They didn't listen to a damn thing I said, did they?

I wish people would stick with "I'm sorry. Want to go get some ice cream with me?"

brookert615

@dpchickens Rhino piss  !

@shamrocandroll Did you read her comments about them going into a private group? They were trash talking the group because they screened them out haha.

Edit: needed to add a ? mark

shamrocandroll

@dpchickens The subject itself isn't funny, but you just have a way with words that makes me laugh.  Headstands, mushrooms, and rhino piss

shamrocandroll

@brookert615 Yes!  I almost added to my comment that she couldn't even get into the FB group of her own BMB so must've really been desperate for attention and decided to come here.  But then I thought that might be mean, so I didn't say it.  But since you now brought it up... (joyfully hops on bandwagon with torch). 

b_1029

@dpchickens ugh that sounds horrible. I hate that for you. I don’t get why people just can’t say “that’s awful, I’m so sorry”. I get people are just trying to be helpful but it’s truly not. 

She followed up with some info about it and I was just like I’ll check it out thanks (lies). She was like “I figured anything was worth a shot!”...do you think I haven’t tried just about everything minus an IUI/IVF to get KU? Thanks for the advice though...she always tells me she’s praying for me too. 

dpchickens

b_1029  Yup, hopefully you'll get KU soon cause if you go through IF or have MC, and are even remotely open with your journey, people will definitely be telling you ALL KINDS of suggestions because they all want to 'help' and not feel so bad about it themselves.  It's the pits.  It's nice to know they care and want you to have a happy ending, but the eternal optimism of trying 'one more thing' some random person heard of through god-knows what means when your medical specialists aren't really able to help you really grates...

bows22

I’m fascinated by the love languages! mine and DH’s are both quality time. But each of our #2s are each other’s last....and it is so interesting to see how that comes up in our relationship. 

I also think it’s interesting that my brother’s is also quality time, but his wife and her sister both are acts of service - which I think makes sense that siblings would have similar views on love if they were raised by the same parents/shown love the same way. 

@b_1029 just.....no. Especially if she is not even TTC yet. tell her to go away. 

kagesstarshroom

@b_1029 @dpchickens There's gonna be a word like "mansplaining" for that kind of insufferable "help" ppl try to offer-- I want to call it Pegsplaining but that would only make sense (& is kind of tangential, really,) to us lol. 

dpchickens

kagesstarshroom  Best I got is uterusplaining

kels0091

@b_1029 I’m with ya in the stupid messages like that. I’m sure I’ve bitched about her before but my own mother is being a royal pain in my ass about TTC and bragging about how it was so easy for her and she doesn’t get why it’s so difficult for me. I just say ‘just goes to show, I was probably switched in the hospital. Your real daughter probably has 7 grandkids for ya’ 
that shut her down lol 

celticknotfire

I hate when people feel the need to give advice about TTC/IF/MC when I don't even ask for it.  My sister told me I just need to relax because her SIL went through an IUI but once she relaxed and stopped trying she got KU.  I told her that is the worst thing you can tell someone going through this.  Just because her (and my other sister) got KU after one month of trying doesn't mean everyone is like that!

Maybe I just need to try the rhino piss @dpchickens mentioned.  Is it cheaper that IVF?

mercury94

Kind of glad to see everyone complaining about annoying people today, because I want to play. Went to my cardiologist today (to verify my heart can handle it if I do get KU due to congenital heart defect) and he gave me the whole just relax it’ll happen. Dude, just told you I’m taking medication for PCOS. Yeah, but even with that, you just need to relax. Good thing you’re not an OB, dude. 

inthewoods23

Sounds like the perfect time for a Friday B*tch Fest thread!

inthewoods23

Okay... I know this is well meaning, but on FB it looks like there's a thing going around where you list facts/answer questions about your first born in honor of Mother's Day since they are the ones that made you a mom.

I'm kinda bummed about this.

mercury94

@inthewoods23 I’ve seen that. I mostly just thought it was info I didn’t necessarily want to know about my HS friends that I only see on FB. But, it does seem pregnancy announcement level triggering for friends with IF. 

kels0091

@inthewoods23 I saw that. A bunch of my friends are posting theirs and it’s a stab to the gut each time I see one. 

I saw in a store window a sign that said ‘discount offer for the real moms out there. The natural, real moms’ 

now its a health nut store but what a terrible way to word it because all I can think of is that SOME people (not myself of course) deem fertility treatments as not natural. And that to be a real mom you need to have your child with you which all of us fellow loss moms know isn’t the damn truth. 

So im going to write a letter to the company. Just educate them a bit. Because it’s time to grow up and not be ignorant. I have to pass the sign every damn day. 

celticknotfire

@kels0091 that's horrible!  So if you adopt are you not a "real mom"?  I would be more than happy to write the company as well because that is ignorant.

flowntheloop

I love you gals so much right now. I'm in a grumbly mood this Friday morning (AF is incoming within a day or two I'm pretty sure), so it is refreshing to hear that I'm not the only one feeling stressed! People get on my damned nerves as it is--so I haven't even dared bring up my TTC goals to many people (including my family). Why do people feel the need to throw in their two cents when it isn't requested? Guhhhh!

@dpchickens You are officially my hero! "Rhino piss"!

emeraldduchess

@inthewoods23 a few of my friends are posting that too. I am considering posting something on Mother's Day about remembering those who struggle with this holiday. It's very painful for a lot of people for many reasons. 

@kels0091 that sign is making me rage-y.  Definitely write that letter! It's incredibly ignorant and insensitive.  Not to mention a load of BS. 😡

lulu1180

@emeraldduchess If you google "mother's day infertility" there are several good images there.  One of my friends posted this on FB yesterday

And I found this in a quick Google search this morning

b_1029

@kels0091 wow that rubs me the wrong way too even though I get what they mean, being a health store and all. But still. To @celticknotfire ‘s point, I am adopted and my mom is 100% my “real mom” even if she didn’t carry me for 9 months. Way more of a mom than the 14 year old who did. 

Several people on my feed have posted this before and I always like it 

dpchickens

I post about Mother's Day every year, although I usually post from a loss perspective. I actually posted something earlier this week because the barrage of emails about 'we know what moms want' was getting to be too much for me. I have friends who have lost their mother's tragically, a few people who lost their kids that were my age in the past few years, and a friend who hasn't spoken to her mother in a few years now due to a HUGE falling out. It was nice to be able to talk to those people about the over-commercialization of these types of holidays and how anyone who isn't fitting the 'hallmark-specific' feeling of the holiday can feel very ousted.  

celticknotfire The price of rhino piss vs. IVF really varies on how many IVF meds you need... and also if you know a rhino handler to more easily access the piss or not! 

inthewoods23

@kels0091 that's right up there with the dummies that say having a C-section means you didn't really give birth.

shamrocandroll

@b_1029 I love that.  It's inclusive without making mothers who are openly celebrating (because mothers of all kinds deserve to celebrate and be celebrated) feel guilty about it.

chichiphin

Very proud of myself today **TW** regarding my loss/TFMR in general

With the state of affairs right now in the US, I realize that I would not have been able to TFMR in several US states, and would have had to wait out the inevitable. So I reached out to my doc/group who supported me and treated me, and she gave me a whole list of groups I could participate in. I just shared my story today with PRH - physicians for reproductive health. It's a small step towards taking my story and trying to make a difference in access & affordability. 

kagesstarshroom

@chichiphin  

mercury94

@chichiphin Thank you. *TW* Texas is in the process of removing its exception to allow late-term abortion for non-viability.  They’ve pulled out some BS study that said that women would be happier if they didn’t TFMR. I can’t even imagine the trauma that legislation would cause. 

mercury94

Also, WTF is a natural, real mom? That is next level insanity. 

celticknotfire

@chichiphin good for you for speaking up on such an emotional topic.  I know that could not have been easy and I admire your courage.

kbrown2385

Idk if anyone remembers my debacle with our library over a book they said we lost. Well, I went today and decided to take a look to see if it was there. Well what do you know, it was sitting on the shelf like nothing ever happened. Then when I went to check out our books I asked about it and no one had any idea what i was talking about. I saved $6 but, really? Glad I don’t have to deal with it anymore! 

varimama

@kbrown2385 glad you found the book there and didn’t have to pay! That happened to me once so now I always check the receipt they give me before I leave to make sure it shows the ones I returned as being returned.

NYTino24

@shamrocandroll But she like, totally lurked for a few days.... *eyeroll*

@b_1029 It drives me nuts, too! DH even has a dresser at his parents’ house with drawers of socks, white shirts, and underwear. Meanwhile he alternated between underwear filled with holes and two $60 pairs. He used to buy new clothes instead of washing them when he was in the military. Seriously, dude?!