@sliztee I probably sound crazy for dealing with her but fortunately I haven’t really had to deal with toxic people besides her, especially a long term friendship, I’ve kept my distance from her for a couple of years though.
First- I’m going to say this - cutting ties with long-time friends who are also toxic people can be fucking hard. I’ve successfully done it a couple of times, but I still have one friend (that I’ve known since 6th grade) that I can’t quite do it with. I do lunch with her a couple times a year, and am glad that I live in a completely different city.
That said- it really stands out to me that she wants you to be part of her wedding when you two are no longer close - as though she is making claims on a friendship she isn’t actively nourishing (and seems to proactively be ripping apart).
It is hard. I was totally happy being distant with her without actually cutting ties with her. But with her asking me to be in the wedding I’ve had to try and communicate more when I really don’t want to at all. I think the reason she asked me is that she thought it would be weird if she didn’t since we’ve been friends for so long. I would have been happier not being in this wedding. It’s gotten that far. @knottieamusements
@ohmotherofboys she sounds like a peach. I think I would pull out if I were you. “Life is too crazy with the new baby” or budgets are both great excuses. I mean, if you don’t really want to be around her, do you want to be on a party bus full of her drunk friends?
@DunkinDecaf Those are good excuses. And she isn’t a party person, no Jack and Jill because they don’t have enough friends (surprise!) and not even sure if there’s a bachelorette party. It would be something non-party like. I still dread doing anything that has to do with this wedding. So yeah I probably shouldn’t be a part of it.
If you don't see her being in your life any further or wish for that to be true then you shouldn't be in her wedding 100%. I wish my ex friend wasn't in my wedding and photos because now it reminds me every time I see the photos of our friendship and how it ended 4 short months after the wedding.
Me 33 DH 41 TTC since 2016 Due: October 12, 2018 Location: Ontario, Canada
@ohmotherofboys I agree with everybody saying to pull out of the wedding. You don’t even have to make excuses. Just tell her that when she first mentioned it, it hadn’t even crossed your mind to pull out, but after she mentioned it, you started thinking about it and it is probably a good idea. Then thank her for it. All completely honest, it gets you out of the wedding that you don’t want to be in and you can go back to being “friends” that never talk. Thanking her and making it all her idea also (hopefully) prevents her from talking about what a jerk you are to any mutual friends/acquaintances, because, after all, it was her idea.
Just had my first judgment. I am wearing a super cute polka dot blouse with a little tie around the waist that I got at Buy Buy Baby. Very flattering (in my opinion lol) and office appropriate. Someone at work said, "Cute shirt. Boy, I'm so glad you're not wearing tight shirts."
gee, thanks. I'm soooo glad I won't ruin your eyesight by you having to see my bump. :: roll my eyes :: haha
Me: 33 DH: 31 Location: Castle Rock, CO DD: 10.13.18 baby #2 due: 7.14.20
@sarahzett do it!! Your coworkers don't get to choose what they see you in and if they make a comment two days in a row by whatever you're wearing (if you wear the tight shirt or whatever honestly) you should definitely go to hr about being made to feel uncomfortable so they are reprimanded and hopefully don't say anything else to make future mom's in office uncomfortable as well. It's completely unfair for you to go through that. I'm sure it was an adorable shirt!!
Just had my first judgment. I am wearing a super cute polka dot blouse with a little tie around the waist that I got at Buy Buy Baby. Very flattering (in my opinion lol) and office appropriate. Someone at work said, "Cute shirt. Boy, I'm so glad you're not wearing tight shirts."
gee, thanks. I'm soooo glad I won't ruin your eyesight by you having to see my bump. :: roll my eyes :: haha
I may bust out my old Vegas/Atlantic City clubbing dresses. Tight and short with plunging necklines and lots of rhinestones. Make everyone realllll uncomfortable real quick lmfao
Me: 33 DH: 31 Location: Castle Rock, CO DD: 10.13.18 baby #2 due: 7.14.20
I was admittedly hurrying down the stairs a bit because the baby had been sitting on my bladder for the last part of the act, and I heard her say to a friend that she bet I was wearing a fake belly so no one would call me on it. When I looked at her she realized I had heard her she said she was just joking, but it still annoyed me! I was tempted to show her my belly was real but I was afraid I'd either get arrested or fall down the stairs.
@sarahzett @drurose that is one of the most ridiculous things I've ever heard.
Ladybug - April 2013 Dandelion - October 2018 Angel "Aurora" - July 2020 Angel "Sawyer" - May 2021 Angel "Maxine" - January 2022 Angel "Violet" - March 2022 Baby Dove due March 2023
The worst I have encountered so far was family telling me I may be having twins. Stopped them (or at least slowed them down) when I said, oh so you are calling me fat? Confirmed yesterday that it is just one
@sweetsweettooth lmao love it. sometimes it takes a good response like that to remind people to watch what they say and that they don’t have free reign just because you’re pregnant
Me: 33 DH: 31 Location: Castle Rock, CO DD: 10.13.18 baby #2 due: 7.14.20
@SweetSweetTooth my Grandma kept hoping for twins... After I've continually told her there is only one in there..because we've checked multiple times...because I've had FIVE ultrasounds. A girl can dream I suppose lol.
Oh! I remembered one from last pregnancy/hospital stay. (I was on my bfing mom page and something made me remember. I hope I didn't already tell this). After an entire pregnancy of hearing how I shouldn't get my hopes up to breastfeed, DH's grandpa proceeds to say (as my son is being passed around the hospital room and had been nursed all night and day, breast only, with only a latch issue because lip & tongue tie) that I won't be able to breastfeed once we get home. Because, get this, my SIL COULDN'T. Hand meet face. Smh I lived with my SIL. She COULD breastfeed, it impeded on her leaving her son with others to run around, and pumping was to much work I'm still breastfeeding 22 months later (although about done because my milk is basically about gone). He'd also make dumb comments about how long I was going to keep him "on the tit". He's passed now, so we won't have that crap this time. They all (his family) think I'm crazy for nursing to a year, let alone past.
@SweetSweetTooth I am petite and get pretty big. I tend to be all belly, so that's a lot of belly. with my first pregnancy people continually asked me "are you sure it's not twins?"
I would always say "am I sure???? yes. it's not 1895, I'm not just waiting to see how many come out. I have had responsible prenatal care. but, if you're just trying to get away with saying I look enormous....thanks"
@jomama1618 my family was the same. Even those who supported me wanting to nurse (I was not successful nursing my first, but nursed my second for 15 months) started telling me it was time to wean bc she was a fussy baby....didn't let anyone else hold her. of course that was all because she was breastfed.... ugh!
@MissBridg I’m petite too, with a short torso, and actually did have twins last time. I was huge. One day a lady that I knew saw me when I was about 36-37 weeks and said “Geez, how many do you have in there?” I responded with “Only 2.” and her response was “oh, you’re having twins? I didn’t know! So exciting!” I was all like wtf? were you trying to make me feel bad about how big I was?
My FIL made a comment about me having babies until I’m 42. Umm.. first of all, if I do it’s none of your business, secondly, I’m only 35. This is probably our last (especially since it’s a girl - MH told me if it was a boy that I may have been able to convince him to have another if I caught him at the right moment, but even that wasn’t likely. Now that it’s a girl I can’t even use the lets try for a girl thing to convince him.), but even if we were going to have more, we would have tried when this one was a year (or as soon as we could - I didn’t get my period back last time for 16 glorious months), so I might have been 37... plus I had 4 freaking miscarriages and he knows that... it isn’t like I tried to be old when I had this baby! Ugh! TBH, it sounded like a comment his gf would have said. It wouldn’t surprise me if she did say something like that to him and he just let it slip out when I was talking to him. It isn’t something I would have expected from him.
Everytime MIL gets in my car she says, “when can you turn his car seat around, he looks like he’s getting to big to RF. First of all DS is 2.5, 36lbs and 37.5” tall. Second, his car seat RF to 50lbs. And third, this is actually safer and he’s fine. Now, with that being said, we will FF soon because we can’t safely install two RFing car seats because DH is tall and I want to be able to put my seat farther back as my belly gets bigger because it’s close to the airbag.
@cdepperschmidt What is the obsession with turning car seats?! People are seriously uneducated. Z is 19months and people ask me all the time. He’s 26lbs and 34in, why would I turn him now? Unfortunately I’ll have to turn him once #3’s seat goes in and I’m really upset about it.
@cdepperschmidt@krzyriver I had my twins rear facing until after they were 4. People used to comment on it - mostly older people and one of my friends with kids, but I told them that the recommendations are to tear face until they outgrow the seat limits for rear facing. That was really helpful for getting people to stop bothering me about it, and nobody questioned me when I did finally turn them (although a different friend did say she was surprised I turned them when I did because they were still under the limit, but it wasn’t a judgement, we had talked about car seats a lot and her triplets are about the same size as my twins.). My boys turned 5 this past February and are about 1 lb under the rear facing limit still... and they ask to be turned rear facing sometimes, but they’re too close to do it now.
Figured this would be the right place for this. I’m out dancing this afternoon at the club annual picnic. I ran into one of my dance friends who is called “Crazy Bob” for a reason. (It is worth noting here that Bob is probably 25+ years older than me.). The conversation when something like this:
Me - Have you heard my news yet? Him - You’re getting married? Me - Nope. Him - You’re pregnant? Me - Yep! 22wks. Him - No Shit? But you’re getting married right? Me - Nope. I don’t know who the father is. Him - Oh well. Huh. I bet baby is going to take after you and be a t-rex. Me - Well, I am hoping for a dinosaur...
@cdepperschmidt the comments about RF really bother me too! Just last week when I was visiting family in NY, my mom asked when we’re going to turn DS around because he looks “uncomfortable” RF since his legs are tucked in a bit. He’s 2 now, but still only 25 pounds and 33.5 inches, so he’s tiny for his age! I’m planning to keep him RF for as long as possible, but wish people would stop making comments!
For the first time this pregnancy I was told I wasn't that big!! I could've cried it was nice to hear.. my dad's aunt and uncle came to visit and they must have been talking about me having twins because as soon as my uncle got to the porch he goes "oh your not that big at all" in the very next breath my aunt goes "wow you're a pretty good size" I know I'm a good size. I'm having friggen twins I'm only going to get bigger! Maybe I'm just being self conscious but it's starting to really bother me how "big" I'm getting and going to be...
Re: Crazy Judgement from others
That said- it really stands out to me that she wants you to be part of her wedding when you two are no longer close - as though she is making claims on a friendship she isn’t actively nourishing (and seems to proactively be ripping apart).
Also: Bridezilla alert!
Also I’ve kinda grown to hate weddings.
TTC since 2016
Due: October 12, 2018
Location: Ontario, Canada
TTC since 2016
Due: October 12, 2018
Location: Ontario, Canada
Just had my first judgment. I am wearing a super cute polka dot blouse with a little tie around the waist that I got at Buy Buy Baby. Very flattering (in my opinion lol) and office appropriate. Someone at work said, "Cute shirt. Boy, I'm so glad you're not wearing tight shirts."
gee, thanks. I'm soooo glad I won't ruin your eyesight by you having to see my bump. :: roll my eyes :: haha
Me: 33 DH: 31
Location: Castle Rock, CO
DD: 10.13.18
baby #2 due: 7.14.20
Me: 33 DH: 31
Location: Castle Rock, CO
DD: 10.13.18
baby #2 due: 7.14.20
@drurose that is one of the most ridiculous things I've ever heard.
Dandelion - October 2018
Angel "Aurora" - July 2020
Angel "Sawyer" - May 2021
Angel "Maxine" - January 2022
Angel "Violet" - March 2022
Baby Dove due March 2023
Me: 33 DH: 31
Location: Castle Rock, CO
DD: 10.13.18
baby #2 due: 7.14.20
I would always say "am I sure???? yes. it's not 1895, I'm not just waiting to see how many come out. I have had responsible prenatal care. but, if you're just trying to get away with saying I look enormous....thanks"
major eye roll on that shit.
My FIL made a comment about me having babies until I’m 42. Umm.. first of all, if I do it’s none of your business, secondly, I’m only 35. This is probably our last (especially since it’s a girl - MH told me if it was a boy that I may have been able to convince him to have another if I caught him at the right moment, but even that wasn’t likely. Now that it’s a girl I can’t even use the lets try for a girl thing to convince him.), but even if we were going to have more, we would have tried when this one was a year (or as soon as we could - I didn’t get my period back last time for 16 glorious months), so I might have been 37... plus I had 4 freaking miscarriages and he knows that... it isn’t like I tried to be old when I had this baby! Ugh! TBH, it sounded like a comment his gf would have said. It wouldn’t surprise me if she did say something like that to him and he just let it slip out when I was talking to him. It isn’t something I would have expected from him.
Me - Have you heard my news yet?
Him - You’re getting married?
Me - Nope.
Him - You’re pregnant?
Me - Yep! 22wks.
Him - No Shit? But you’re getting married right?
Me - Nope. I don’t know who the father is.
Him - Oh well. Huh. I bet baby is going to take after you and be a t-rex.
Me - Well, I am hoping for a dinosaur...
I know I'm a good size. I'm having friggen twins I'm only going to get bigger!
Maybe I'm just being self conscious but it's starting to really bother me how "big" I'm getting and going to be...