Crazy Judgement from others

SweetSweetTooth

Saw this on Nov18 and snagged it. I thought it would be fun. Maybe this will have to become a every month or every other month thread as I am sure it will get worse as we get further along! 
I bet we have all been judged or questioned for what we do while growing our tiny humans, and it's impossible to be "perfect" for everyone so...I thought this would be a fun place for everyone to share and vent about the most ridiculous things they have been judged for while pregnant (or as parents).

knottieamusements

I’m a single Mom by choice- which means, by default, a single income household.  I’ve already had two people lecture or give me side eye for not planning to be a stay at home mom.  Different generation, I get it.  But who is going to pay the mortgage and feed the kid?

nasalot188

We went to a family birthday party over the wknd and DH's Uncle told him he 'needs a better goalie'...I was shocked i was like wait what!? I was sitting right there.

This baby was planned and even if it wasn't that's none of your business.

Seriously wtf.

SweetSweetTooth

We had a family party this past week and I was expecting comments about my belly. nothing. expecting comments about me drinking diet soda. nothing. expecting comments on eating hot dogs. nothing. expecting comments at DH for sitting on the couch when I was sitting on the floor... ok FIL commented on that one! DH had offered me the couch and I took the floor so I didn't slouch as much! 

DunkinDecaf

@knottieamusements huh. So how did they expect you to swing that?

@nasalot188 gross. Seriously, deeply gross. I hope someone said something.

melopoly

I’m actually surprised by how many people ask me if the pregnancy was planned when I tell them the news. Like, really? I feel like unless I initiate that conversation it is none of your business. 

mommy2ane

Oh! I kept A rear facing in his car seat until 2 before it was law in California. People kept making comments on how big he was to still be rear facing. I got comments from family members and even my babysitter. I didn’t want to have to explain myself so I’d smile and say, “Oh well! He’s staying this way until 2.” Which he did. And he’s staying in a 5 point harness for a while even though he meets the minimum requirements to switch to a booster. Leave me alone people! 

KFrob

The only real judgement we've gotten was from DH's ex who questioned how we're going to afford another baby.  Which is making me ragey just thinking about.

DunkinDecaf

I haven’t had any comments this go around. From my previous pregnancies I’ve had quite a few of people flat out ask me to my face if the pregnancy was planned or “a mistake”, and DH’s grandmother always makes comments about our sex life when I’m pregnant. Usually just gross little things like seeing someone going jogging and then elbowing me and winking and saying something like “well of course some of us don’t have to do such boring things to get our exercise.” Vomit.

SawyerRichardson

@DunkinDecaf WTF?!?!?!

KFrob

@DunkinDecaf That made me lol.  I guess it's only funny when its not your relative...

DunkinDecaf

@SawyerRichardson yeah she’s a crazy one. Makes up crazy stories, is habitually rude to anyone who has married into the family, particularly my MIL which makes me ragey because she is an angel. Also apparently used to make gross comments to H when he was a teenager and pinched his butt a couple times, which he was understandably pretty freaked out about. She’s a strange one.

britvahok

@DunkinDecaf That's just gross! 

chyvie

I have not encountered judgement being pregnant yet, but I used to get it before and it really bugged me. DH and I have been together for 10 years and a lot of friends, coworkers or even strangers would always ask why we didn't have kids yet. Before we started trying I would always just brush it off and say we had things we wanted to accomplish prior and were enjoying our freedom to travel. Then when it came to us actually trying unsuccessfully for 2 years and those questions would come up, it would sting and hurt a lot.  I don't know why people have the need to ask. Some people happily choose not to have kids and a lot of people struggle with infertility, so people need to learn to stay out of everyone's business!  
I'm very lucky that my MIL has never once put pressure on us to get married (we waited 6 years) or to have kids. We always knew she wanted a grandchild (especially with DH being an only child) but were so thankful for her support and understanding without even having to have the conversation! 

sammierose464

KFrob said:

The only real judgement we've gotten was from DH's ex who questioned how we're going to afford another baby.  Which is making me ragey just thinking about.

Aren't ex's fun... The night SS told his mom I was having a baby she texted me "Congratulations! I've been praying for you!". I laughed SO HARD, because I know it was fake and forced.

When DH told his ex he was having a vascetomy reversal her response was "Oh. You want more kids? Good luck with that." 

linssears4

@KFrob  Why is ex in the picture or making any comments at all???? You are a better woman than me!  I'd have a whole lot to say about her being involved in my marriage and punch her in the nose for unwanted comments!

knottieamusements

@DunkinDecaf -

Agreed with @britvahok - that is pretty disturbing. 

As for mine- I just practice my unwanted advice response- that’s good to know, will take it under advisement, did you get a piece of cake?

@melopoly - I got a script down really quick to make sure it was perfectly clear that this was my choice.  A lot of people were taken off guard because I also am not in any recognizable relationships.  

britvahok

@mommy2ane my MIL was judging me because I still had DS1 rear facing at 8 months or "looking backwards" (as she called it.) I had to inform her about so many things that have changed since the 70's/80's about raising kids. 

Some people are judging me because of the spacing of DS2 and this LO and if this pregnancy was planned. DS1 and DS2 are 5 years apart and I got questions then about whether my pregnancy was planned.

sammierose464

linssears4 said:

@KFrob  Why is ex in the picture or making any comments at all???? You are a better woman than me!  I'd have a whole lot to say about her being involved in my marriage and punch her in the nose for unwanted comments!

Unfortunately, that's the joys of being a step parent... 

kiwi2628

I have encountered judgement for doing IVF; everything from religious/moral arguments against fertility treatment in general about it to 'why didn't we just adopt'. First point- your morality is not mine, and do you get how many religious people who would 'never' do fertility treatments actually do them when they find themselves in the position of being infertile? Second point, do people not get how difficult it is to adopt? How to adopt it can cost anywhere from 50-100k, on top of taking 2-4 years for it to happen? Unless you adopted, you have no right to judge me for not adopting, and even if you did, suck it.

jennybean80

I used to get judgey comments when I would have both twins dressed in “boy” colours. A waitress told me off, because apparently it’s my job to make sure the world can tell they are boy/girl by never putting my daughter in blue. I‘m not into pinks, so I never put her in them. 

Now she dresses herself, and will ONLY wear pink, purple, or some combination. 

linssears4

@KFrob I figured there were kiddos involved.  Well kuddos to you and all other step parents!  Hopefully they have a healthy co-parenting relationship but sounds like she needs to learn some boundaries about when to open her mouth!!! 

knottieamusements

jennybean80 said:

Now she dresses herself, and will ONLY wear pink, purple, or some combination. 

I’m not sure I would call them judgey comments, but I have definitely had people questioning the fact that part of why I don’t want to find out baby’s sex is that I don’t want an explosion of pink if it is a girl. 

I’ve definitely had people tell me that I’ll end up with a girl who likes pink and glitter and lace.  I’m like “so what? At least I’ll know she likes it from her own choice.”  

sliztee

Crazy judgment at myself:

I'm not even trying for “professional” anymore...just give me the long and warm  socks, some leggings, and an oversized sweater for work appropriate. 

You can also find this incredible post in the Sleeping Options thread, because this day was ruined before I even got out of bed.

sunnyknightsarah

I've been pretty lucky that no one has been too judgey... but it's still early haha. I have gotten a lot of comments of people who ask a question just to argue my stance or tell me about how they did it when they were pregnant.

Someone asked what food I missed the most and I said I don't really miss anything but it's a little difficult that I'm not eating cold deli meats when our boss caters a monthly meeting with sandwiches, and she said, "Well I ate deli meat when I was pregnant and my kids turned out fine." 

And at a baby shower I hosted, the guest of honor was talking about the childcare class she took at her hospital and what she learned, and someone had to comment about how everything she learned is ridiculous or silly and she didn't follow any of that when she was pregnant.

Things like that. Roll my eyes.

mommy2ane

@britvahok it’s so ridiculous!!! Luckily, it’s now law in California to rear face until 2 so I’m not getting the same looks/comments with E. But she is sooo tiny that I think I’ll keep her rear facing past 2 so I’m sure I’ll get comments then. 

mamabearcj

So far the only judgement I've gotten is from MIL, the weekend we went to visit and told her she immediately started trying to make me "eat for two" but giving me cake and ice cream and stuff like that. I tried to explain that I'm really only supposed to eat 300 extra calories a day and she got all offended "I was a nurse, I know what you can have, blah blah blah" 
She hasn't been a nurse of years and gets offended when anyone disagrees with her about anything

jellybelly114

@sliztee I gave up and wore leggings to work Fri because idgaf. If I didn't live in FL I'd be right there with you on the oversized sweaters and socks look.

@sarahzett ugh so sick of relatives telling me how everyone turned out fine. My mom pulled this one on me the other day how my grandma and everyone in the 60s smoked and drank while pregnant and they're all normal. I had to hide my laughter on that one.

The only real judgement I've gotten so far is for:

 1. DH and I deciding not to share the baby's name until after she is born.. for some reason everyone is upset about this. LIke she will have the dang name for the rest of her life, you can wait 6 months. Plus I don't want your opinion.

and

2. I work in the aerospace industry as an engineer and sometimes we do hazardous stuff. MIL was not happy when I told her I had no plans of changing my work responsibilities (except working with certain chemicals). I know my job better than she does and would never do anything that carried a real risk of harming my child. That's what safety and hazard controls are for. Also, it bothers me that apparently my life is now worth more that I'm pregnant. She didn't care about the hazards of my job before and probably will go back to not caring once the baby is out of me. I guess the other people I work with who have families of their own are chopped liver too. The logic is baffling to me. Everyone wants to go home at the end of the day. 

Edit spelling and punctuation

linssears4

DH's family is big into knitting, quilting, crafting etc..... that being said, we will be finding out the gender of our baby (next appt is May 14th) but will not do a reveal until the weekend of June 15th because thats when DH will be graduating from the Fire academy; so a lot of family and friends will be in town for that.  I am not thrilled about waiting longer to find out sex but really, what another month?  DH's aunt was not excited about waiting and was a bit snarky about it because..... she needs to start crafting something and needs to know what color.  I told her I'm also not a big fan of the pink or blue and that our nursery will be baby bee themed no matter what and colors will be gray and yellow.... (hinting that she use yellow).... but she insisted pink or blue.  Grrr. 

Lisa3379

I’m struggling to come up with any example of someone being judgey towards me... probably because I have hard core RBF and I rarely talk to people. 

krzyriver

sammierose464 said:

KFrob said:

The only real judgement we've gotten was from DH's ex who questioned how we're going to afford another baby.  Which is making me ragey just thinking about.

Aren't ex's fun... The night SS told his mom I was having a baby she texted me "Congratulations! I've been praying for you!". I laughed SO HARD, because I know it was fake and forced.

When DH told his ex he was having a vascetomy reversal her response was "Oh. You want more kids? Good luck with that." 

I really want to know what my SS's mom said. He mentioned that she made a comment about me being pregnant after I tagged him in the announcement on FB, but he claims he doesn't remember what she said after the fact. She's got my SS, a SS of her own, and an 18 month old, so she doesn't have room to judge me for having a third kid.

Only judgment I get is from my boss when I've needed days off because of cramping. And I'm fairly certain everyone watching me is judging me right now because I fell and hit my belly on the steps last night and I'm cramping so bad, but I refuse to leave work.... for the above mentioned reason regarding my boss. Can't win.

norahkate

so i have already whined about this on the ticker change thread at least once, but the comments people make when they find out this is baby #5 for us mostly suck. most common is some variation of "was this an accident" but that's not the only one (people regularly comment on how we must be catholic, mormon, you pick, (and for the record, none of the above and this has nothing to do with religion or lack there of), or make some comment about overpopulation, or the basketball team thing which was old the first time).
oh, and also that we must be trying for another girl (we have three boys and one girl right now). this one really throws me because the genitals my baby is born with tell me basically zero about who they are going to be as a human, so why would that be a deciding factor in my decision to have another child??
i just hate feeling like i am supposed to defend our decision to people. i got it before we had kids, and now i get it because we are choosing a large family. ugh.

ETA @Lisa3379 i think i need to work on mine. DH always teases me because i swear complete strangers feel drawn to tell me their life stories on a fairly regular basis.

pajamstagrams

I've been fortunate that I haven't received any judgement or comments about my pregnancy. 

However... @knottieamusements I was told about 5 years ago by an older gentleman that women who have kids shouldn't work because it's better for the kids if the mom stays at home. Like WTF?? I didn't know what to say then, just did the "smile and nod" thing. There is no right or wrong answer regarding being a SAHM or a working mom. Either choice is great, and in both ways you are providing for your child. I've had a couple of engineer friends who have said they want to be a SAHM after they have kids, and I know plenty of working moms as well. Why do people need to make things so black and white?? 

chopchop25

No judgment on pregnancy, except for pre-judgement on social life and what I'll be up for. Stop just assuming I won't want to come to happy hour or hang out because I'm tired some nights. Yes I can't drink, no that doesn't mean I don't want to still catch up. I didn't suddenly become 80 and senile.

pajamstagrams

@chopchop25 ummmmm well I do feel like I became 80 and senile...  1st tri was not kind to me!!

mommy2ane

@jellybelly114 We didn’t officially announce either kid’s name until after birth. People feel free to make rude comments before but won’t say anything once the baby is actually here. And I don’t need comments on names, or to hear how it’s their dog’s name or the name of their sister’s ex’s new girlfriend. 

Fun fact too! I went back to my Jan ‘17 board to look at the names thread. So many people said they would be naming baby xyz for sure, but the baby is named something completely different! I don’t need to say it’s one name but then have to turn around and explain why it was changed or why it’s so and so. 

sunnyknightsarah

@jellybelly114Good for you standing up for your job. You are right - you know it better than your MIL. My husband and I both work in the aerospace industry as well and he's an engineer. There are plenty of practices in place to ensure you are safe and it sounds like you will be speaking up to ensure they are followed.

Thanks for mentioning the name thing. We also aren't sharing the name until after baby is born. We haven't told anyone that's what we're doing yet but I'm going to prep myself for the complaints lol. I love that our family and friends are excited and I've been happy to share a lot, but this is the one thing we want to keep to ourselves.

mommy2ane

@sarahzett about the name thing, we always tell people that we’re still in negotiations!

koala1107

Not much judgement here yet on this pregnancy (at least to my face), but one thing I’ll never forget from my last pregnancy was someone telling me “it must be a girl because she’s stolen all of your beauty”. Oh ok thank you coworker 

ummibtihaj

My mom has been judging us about how many kids we have since I was pregnant with #3. It's the reason why she still doesn't know about me expecting #5 yet. I'm not sure why it's any of her business. We are financially secure and our kids are happy and well cared for. I really can't stand her judgment in general so she will not ruin my joy and will find out when my belly is clearly protruding. 

knottieamusements

I’m bouncing names off of a couple of close friends who I know won’t say something inappropriate.  But I also am not giving anyone the short list of possibilities.  Middle name is pretty much decided, but first name probably won’t be finalized until Blast is here.