October 2018 Moms

Crazy Judgement from others

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Re: Crazy Judgement from others

  • Oh just read it was about pregnancy haha sorry. No one judged yet so that's good! 
  • @chopchop25 @sarahzett I think I will give at least 6 weeks notice, but I swear...my boss is unpredictable.

    However, it is worth noting that it took them several months to fill my position (with me, obviously)...so, I would expect the turnaround for hiring someone to replace me won't be very quick. I know that they won't give my programs to another coordinator here, because it's a full-time job. Meh.
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  • I have zero interest in being a SAHM. This is my second kid so people got their dumb comments out of the way with the last one, I think. I definitely got a lot of “we didn’t know if you wanted kids”. Which is accurate, I’ve always been career focused and not that maternal, but way to make me feel like I’m a robotic monster, right?

    I’m lucky to work in the nonprofit space where my colleagues are like 65% female and lots of parents, which reduces the dumb comments for the most part.

    The only annoying part is when my more well off colleagues (the ones who work for nonprofit but are married to rich dudes) talk about coming back part-time. It’s not an option for me so people should stop talking about it like that’s equally accessible for everyone.
  • @quiltandknit I say its a puppy all the time, or that I hope its a puppy. 'What is it' is such a dumb way to phrase the question of 'do you know the sex'
  • I would not want to be a SAHM unless I won the lottery and could still put my kids in good Preschool’s and afford to actually do things all the time and not be confined to my house/local parks 99% of the time. 

    Even then I would probably want to volunteer or do something to keep my independence. I love my child and will love this one, but I also like my time talking to adults during the day. 

    Besides I make more than double what DH does. If anyone’s staying home it’s him. I told MIL that and she told me that it’s not a man’s place to be home with babies all day. That they need to be with adults. Ummmm...no. 
    Lilypie First Birthday tickers
  • People have stayed mostly quiet this pregnancy because it happened right after a miscarriage. When we announced our second pregnancy we got a lot of people assuming we were trying for a boy. Umm no, just trying for a healthy baby...which we didn't get that time. So thanks for that. My mom wasn't thrilled with me taking Diclegis with this pregnancy, but she didn't really say much about it. I could just tell she wasn't happy about it and I already know she doesn't think you should take any medication during pregnancy (including epidurals). I mean, I don't love taking medicine either, but it became medically necessary. 
  • Wait!  I need to read that again...

    So— you are the family breadwinner, but you should give up your job to protect a fragile male ego?  (Not a comment on your husband, at all, just what MIL’s comment brings to mind.)

    So— your family’s standard of living will go dowm, your economic situation will be negatively impacted, just because it isn’t the “man’s place” to raise his own kids?
    If she had it her way I would be barefoot and pregnant at home. She won’t say it directly though. DH told her that he was going to be a SAHD when we moved and she said this. When I was pregnant with DS she told me about how kids would cry and cling to her when their parents would pick them up from the daycare she worked at. She knew he would be going to daycare and I wasn’t going to be a SAHM. Just trying to guilt me. 
    Lilypie First Birthday tickers
  • DH and I have talked extensively about him staying home. He has a HS diploma and doesn't have much growth opportunity at his job. I have 2 degrees and have a TON of growth opportunity. It just doesn't make sense for me to stay home. If we could afford it financially, we would have him stay home. Unfortunately, even if he wasn't working we'd still owe child support and so it's just not feasible. 
  • @ninji15 I kept DD rear facing until she was almost 3 because she’s so petite. My parents and DH kept giving me shit about it, saying she looks uncomfortable but I said I would rather her be slightly uncomfortable and safe than at risk. Her doctor told me to keep her rear facing until she started complaining. She never started complaining but she started getting car sick a lot and after she vomited in the car for the third time I finally switched her forward. People need to understand what’s good for one kid isn’t necessarily good for another. DD is almost 4 and still only 28 pounds so she’ll probably be in a convertible car seat way longer than most kids. 
    TTC History
    Me: 35 DH: 34
    Married 07/2012
    DD born 07/2014
    DD2 born 10/2018
    DS born 10/2022

    IF history:
    TTC #2 since January 2016
    June-Aug 2017: 3 IUIs w/Clomid = BFN
    Sept 2017: Dx w/Endometriosis
    Oct 2017: IUI w/Letrozole = BFN
    Nov 2017: IUI w/Letrozole = BFN
    Dec 2017: pre-IVF testing
    Jan-Feb 2018: IVF--17 eggs retrieved, 13 fertilized, 9 frozen and 1 transferred on 2/10 = BFP on 2/19!!! EDD 10/29/2018
    FET Oct 2021: BFP on 10/31! MC at 5 weeks
    FET Feb 2022: BFP on 2/15! EDD 10/29/22


  • No real judgment since being pregnant but tons before. DD is 3 and the whole fam has been doing a count down to when we should have had #2. I swear they asked almost once a month for the past 2 years. Yeah I get DH is 40 but damn, we aren't having a kid to please you. We had to be ready (which we probably still weren't because 3 year olds are effin terrible lmao in the best way). DH will be getting a vasectomy after delivery and we've received a few frowny comments about that but nothing too bad. 


    Me 32 and DH 40

    Fur-baby named Bella

    1 MC Nov. 2013

    DD born Nov. 2, 2014

    Little 2 EDD Oct. 1 





  • When I announced to my family my brother asked me if the baby was DF's
    Ladybug - April 2013
    Dandelion - October 2018
    Angel "Aurora" - July 2020
    Angel "Sawyer" - May 2021
    Angel "Maxine" - January 2022
    Angel "Violet" - March 2022
    Baby Dove due March 2023
  • No real judgment since being pregnant but tons before. DD is 3 and the whole fam has been doing a count down to when we should have had #2. I swear they asked almost once a month for the past 2 years. Yeah I get DH is 40 but damn, we aren't having a kid to please you. We had to be ready (which we probably still weren't because 3 year olds are effin terrible lmao in the best way). DH will be getting a vasectomy after delivery and we've received a few frowny comments about that but nothing too bad. 
    +1 to terrible 3 year olds. Lol!

    Why do people think it’s any of their business how many kids we have and when? I’m 33 and DH is 37 so I got a lot of people telling me I had better have a second soon because I’m old. This was when we weren’t even planning on having a second....
    Lilypie First Birthday tickers
  • @shortstack930 Exactly, safety is priority. I personally am dreading potential car sickness with LO though. Fx she complains first haha.
  • @knottieamusements Thanks. The first thing I did before I told my boss and team I was pregnant was meet with HR. They were able to confirm I have to come in for half a day to do an exit interview but there is no time length I have to meet in order to qualify for maternity benefits. I thought that was pretty cool. I expected to have to come back for a month or 6 months or something and they said that is not the case!

    Me: 33 DH: 31
    Location: Castle Rock, CO
    DD: 10.13.18
    baby #2 due: 7.14.20

  • edited April 2018
    eireyes said:
    @sarahzett I ended up doing something similar after DD was born. I was a contractor with the company I worked for (salaried with a consulting firm) and decided that I was going to not work as their contractor once DD was born, but just go back to the home office and work form there (easier commute, closer to home, etc.). Fast forward a year and my former boss with my consulting company called me and asked if I'd apply for an opening they had that I'd be perfect for. I ended up taking him up on the offer, applied and got the job. and I've been here for almost a year now.

    Bottom line, if you're a good and valuable employee, they'll remember you and want you back :smile:


    That's wonderful! I love that story. I have given my all to this company for a decade (including 8 years of a very demanding job with 60-80 hour weeks before my switch in jobs that gave me a much more flexible schedule the last two years) and I do want to return to work so I hope they do want me back :)

    Me: 33 DH: 31
    Location: Castle Rock, CO
    DD: 10.13.18
    baby #2 due: 7.14.20

  • @sparklingwhit WHAT, 33 is old??? That's news to me. Most of my friends waited until their early thirties to have their first. I'm 27 and sometimes feel like I'm too young to be having a kid (doesn't help that all my high school and college friends back home are still single and partying every weekend). It's nobody's business when and if someone decides to have a family. The decision is between you and your SO. Everyone else can step off. 
  • @tinattt23 at no point is it appropriate for people to comment on anyone else's body size, but this all goes out the window when people are pregnant for some reason. I'm sure that was very frustrating for you. 
  • This is baby number three for us and I’ve totally felt judged. We have a boy and a girl, and I think people just assumed we were done because we had one of each. (We talked about having three kids before baby number one was born so genders weren’t even a thing for us!)

    I’m super close to my grandma and she seems to be the worst! She makes a comment almost every time we talk or see other like “I don’t know how you guys are going to do it” and “Wow, you guys are going to have your hands full” and “Your little family just seemed so perfect already.”
  • I really want this baby to have the day care socialization. DH and I were talking about how we like that there are several teachers at the daycare we've chosen. SS spent 4 days a week with his nana and 1 day a week at daycare. Needless to say, Nana is practically mom to him (although, there's more to that especially since DH's divorce). And nana had boundary issues. There's a time to be grandma/nana and a time you have to be a parental figure. 

    From an HR perspective, I feel that if you worked hard for a company for several years, left on good terms for a valid reason, and gave plenty of notice, there's no reason you shouldn't be able to be re-hired down the road if a job is posted. Actually, it takes a lot usually to be on a "do not re-hire" list. I would make it clear with your HR or a mentor at work that you want to return when your child is older and if there's anything you'd need to do to keep that door open.
  • No real judgment since being pregnant but tons before. DD is 3 and the whole fam has been doing a count down to when we should have had #2. I swear they asked almost once a month for the past 2 years. Yeah I get DH is 40 but damn, we aren't having a kid to please you. We had to be ready (which we probably still weren't because 3 year olds are effin terrible lmao in the best way). DH will be getting a vasectomy after delivery and we've received a few frowny comments about that but nothing too bad. 
    +1 to terrible 3 year olds. Lol!

    Why do people think it’s any of their business how many kids we have and when? I’m 33 and DH is 37 so I got a lot of people telling me I had better have a second soon because I’m old. This was when we weren’t even planning on having a second....
    Hot damn you were in my N14 group!!! lol I knew I recognized your name! 


    Me 32 and DH 40

    Fur-baby named Bella

    1 MC Nov. 2013

    DD born Nov. 2, 2014

    Little 2 EDD Oct. 1 





  • sparklingwhit said:

    Snip 

    Besides I make more than double what DH does. If anyone’s staying home it’s him. I told MIL that and she told me that it’s not a man’s place to be home with babies all day. That they need to be with adults. Ummmm...no. 

    BabyFruit Ticker
  • This thread is bringing back memories from
    my first pregnancy! Luckily I haven’t really had much judgement this time around, but last time my grandma found it necessary to make a backhanded comment to me every time I saw her or spoke on the phone about how kids need their moms at home with them, and how my son would be better off if I were a SAHM. Obviously it wasn’t important that we need both of our salaries to live comfortably, and that wasn’t what I wanted to do... (insert eye roll). 

    Also, we were attempting to cloth diaper DS, and that got tonsss of judgement from my family. Even though cloth is gettting more mainstream, no one in my family had done it or looked into it really, so they were super judgey about it. 

    People should really mind their own business and keep their opinions to themselves! 
  • @knottieamusements I told everyone last time we were hoping for a dragon. We haven't announced this time yet, but will be in the next 2ish weeks, and will so be telling everyone we are hoping for a dragon again! 

    +1 on people commenting on Ds rear facing. He is just shy of 2, is 26lbs and 32in. He won't be turned until he reaches the limits of his seat (40lbs, 40in). We already decided to get the 4ever, just so it can rear face longer for the new LO. People can kiss my ass. I'm huge on carseat safety, he's not "uncomfortable" (they've obviously never seen the he kid sleep!)

    I haven't gotten any comments yet, but only because we haven't announced! I'm sure we will hear something about getting pregnant directly after a loss and about the fact that our Ds will turn 2 shortly before LO is born.
  • @pumpkinpancake Oh god, yes on the cloth diapering! My mom flipped when I first told her I was going to do it. How disgusting it was, why would you ever want to do that, etc. She even said she would buy all the diapers for DD so I didn't have to use cloth. Needless to say that just made me want to do it more. She still to this day makes comments about CDing whenever she comes over.
  • jomama1618jomama1618 member
    edited April 2018
    @jellybelly114, @pumpkinpancake, @SawyerRichardson , we got the same crap with Ds, when we asked people not buy a ton of diapers for our shower because we had a bunch of cloth diapers already. We cded until he was like 10 or so months (I didn't want to stop but my washer broke). Hoping to cd this LO as well. I despise people acting like they know what will be best for you and babe!

    Oh! And I thought of more crazy from both sides, from Ds! A bunch of people were convinced I wouldn't be able to breastfed  (I was adamant). My (adopted step) Aunt was crappy because she kept saying I needed to let people buy me bottles because I would need to pump and might not be able to breastfeed at all. Dh's grandpa said I wouldn't be able to breastfed since SIL couldn't  (she could, she quit after a few days because it was to hard and took up to much of her time. She couldn't just just make a bottle and hand him off.) Even thought that makes NO sense. 21 months later, he still has "milkies" when he asks. Screw people. Lol
  • My mom also seems to think I won't want to CD long. If I don't, no biggie! I want to try though!
  • @tinattt23 good lord the nursing comments. I didn’t wean DS until after he turned two and my moms was ridiculously obnoxious about it.
  • jellybelly114 said:

    I'm pretty sick of the "oh honey you don't know what you're talking about because you're not a parent yet but you'll see that I'm right" attitude from both my MIL and my mom. Let me figure it out on my own GD! 
    Yeah, my Mom and I are going to end up having a discussion about this one soon.  I don’t mind advice, but I do mind being patronized because I’m trying to figure out what I’m doing.  (And usually she isn’t patronizing, so this is new and weird.)
    Thankfully my mom's a saint but I've been hearing this from MIL since before DH and I were married.. she'd get so emotional over the smallest things to do with her full grown children and when SIL wouldn't be as upset or emotional she'd snap "just wait till you have kids!!" And now that I'm having one I can't wait to not cry and something she would bawl over and be like "so I have a kid and my mentality hasn't changed, you're just nuts" lol
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