June Venting/FFC/WTF

kvruns · June 2017

Ladybug2821 said:

@SandNStarsNJ Can H help out? He can do the dishes, lunches, or bottles to give you a break.

That's what mine does, when LO started daycare I put him on bottle duty. I still do it 1-2x a week but it is his job since I do the rest. He also does most of the cooking and dishes, I help with both but he "owns" it

m6agua · June 2017

@SandNStarsNJ Your schedule sounds a lot like mine. I'm up at 5 and leaving the house by 6:05. I work from 7-3:30 and am home by 4:20. I do all the things I need to do and am usually getting to bed between 9-11 depending on the day and how much needs to be done. I only have 1 LO and she is down between 7 and 8. Luckily most nights H gets up if there is a MOTN feeding, however most nights she sleeps until 4 and then I do the MOTN feeding and just stay up.

H does the dishes most nights which ends up being a big help. However when he isn't helpful like this past week I am stuck with it all. I know I am going to go home today to a dishwasher that needs unloading, dishes that need to be washed by hand, about 3 loads of laundry, and a dog that needs some exercise. I am choosing to leave a bunch of that to go to the gym for 30 minutes. I have a class from 5-6 on Tuesday's & Thursday's, I try to make it most weeks. Lately I find myself only going to 30 minutes of the class and ducking out early so I can get shit done. But at least it is something. I try to make the most of my weekends with her and getting housework done.

camcbeth · June 2017

I remember the days with 1 baby, working full time and getting my masters. It was a special kind of hell. Asking the hubsters to do things worked, but dang I had a lot of breakdowns. Now I wish for the days with one kid and work because staying at home with two is another kind of special hell. I never leave work. The kids never leave me from wake up to bedtime. I still don't make it to bed until 10pm even when I try to aim for earlier. Going back to work and putting two kids in day care would be financially ridiculous. It's better to just not work and not make the money. The grass is always greener on the other side.

SandNStarsNJ · June 2017

It's nice to commiserate. Of course in reading @m6agua post, I just remembered that I too have to empty the dishwasher. Bah.

DH does dinner and up until about 3 weeks ago was doing ODD lunch but he has since gone on hiatus. So now I'll attempt a cat nap while I nurse LO to sleep.

rspalding001 · June 2017

I'm so jealous of all of you who have husbands that help with stuff! Ha ha ha, sigh... it's not that he won't, he just can't with his work schedule. He leaves at 6ish and doesn't come home until almost 8 most nights. That means I'm on my own basically the whole day. Sometimes it really stresses me out but then I remind myself he's working too and I try not to feel resentful. Still it would be nice if someone else did dinner once and a while

of corse I'm such a control freak at this point I'd probably micromanage him anyway

SandNStarsNJ · June 2017

That is rough @rspalding001. DH works from home so I still need to remind myself that he works sometimes...

And sure enough at 9pm on the dot, I sat down for the first time today. And where is DH? Playing indoor soccer with my friends.

m6agua · June 2017

Thats the thing I feel like, even though DH works too (second shift), he gets home and stays up pretty late but gets nothing done in that time! He sits in the living room and watches TV/plays video games, or goes out to play Pokemon Go, or goes to a friends. It's like you could skip the TV/video games and wash the dishes or sweep the kitchen, enter your receipts into our budget, or prep a meal/lunch for the next day. Or if he goes out to play Pokemon at least take the dog with you!

Ladybug2821 · June 2017

I do have to give H credit. He's with S all day when I'm at work and then goes straight to work. I definitely don't expect him to accomplish much during the day because I know I wouldn't be able to if I were home with her. But he gets on my nerves when he says he's tired the next day after a night off. Well that's because you stayed up until 1am. She's still going to wake up at 6:30/7 so I suggest you get to bed much earlier. He never learns because he does this EVERY single time he's off.

SandNStarsNJ · June 2017

m6agua said:

Thats the thing I feel like, even though DH works too (second shift), he gets home and stays up pretty late but gets nothing done in that time! He sits in the living room and watches TV/plays video games, or goes out to play Pokemon Go, or goes to a friends. It's like you could skip the TV/video games and wash the dishes or sweep the kitchen, enter your receipts into our budget, or prep a meal/lunch for the next day. Or if he goes out to play Pokemon at least take the dog with you!

YES. I think we're just wired differently. In our case, I pick up the kids on my way home and we typically arrive home a few minutes before DH finishes work. I start putting things in the dishwasher, hanging up everything that just came in and play with the kids, even though deep in the recesses of my mind all I really want to do is pee, take my bra off and close my eyes for 20 minutes. Meanwhile, he comes down stairs, walks to the couch, lays down and takes his phone out. He ignores everything for 10-20 minutes, even when his 3 year old is asking him questions because he "just needs a couple minutes". Where the f--- are my couple minutes? Because they sure as sh*t weren't during the 5 frantic pumping sessions I had during the day, in the traffic jam on the way to daycare or while you take your minutes and when I finally do get a few minutes at 9:30 at night THAT'S when he wants to talk finances, weekend plans, to-dos, etc... no, DH, I need sleep because LO gets up in another 1.5 hours and while you'll still be awake, you have an uncanny ability to ignore his crying.

And I swear I'm not taking him for granted. He's an amazing man and father and is always well intended; it's just sometimes he oblivious to what my day has really been like and I'm too tired to communicate that. Plus, I've seen what some days of him working from home look like and let's just say Netflix and Pandora play an awful lot and he seems to visit quite a few estate sales in lieu of lunch.

kvruns · June 2017

SandNStarsNJ said:

And I swear I'm not taking him for granted. He's an amazing man and father and is always well intended; it's just sometimes he oblivious to what my day has really been like and I'm too tired to communicate that. Plus, I've seen what some days of him working from home look like and let's just say Netflix and Pandora play an awful lot and he seems to visit quite a few estate sales in lieu of lunch.

Mine works from home Monday and Friday and that's pretty similar to his days. Though add in yard work or car stuff instead of visiting estate sales. But then he will act like he worked so hard or if I say why don't you do XYZ that would be helpful to me it's like "but i'm working". Uh huh.

m6agua · June 2017

SandNStarsNJ said:

m6agua said:

Thats the thing I feel like, even though DH works too (second shift), he gets home and stays up pretty late but gets nothing done in that time! He sits in the living room and watches TV/plays video games, or goes out to play Pokemon Go, or goes to a friends. It's like you could skip the TV/video games and wash the dishes or sweep the kitchen, enter your receipts into our budget, or prep a meal/lunch for the next day. Or if he goes out to play Pokemon at least take the dog with you!

YES. I think we're just wired differently. In our case, I pick up the kids on my way home and we typically arrive home a few minutes before DH finishes work. I start putting things in the dishwasher, hanging up everything that just came in and play with the kids, even though deep in the recesses of my mind all I really want to do is pee, take my bra off and close my eyes for 20 minutes. Meanwhile, he comes down stairs, walks to the couch, lays down and takes his phone out. He ignores everything for 10-20 minutes, even when his 3 year old is asking him questions because he "just needs a couple minutes". Where the f--- are my couple minutes? Because they sure as sh*t weren't during the 5 frantic pumping sessions I had during the day, in the traffic jam on the way to daycare or while you take your minutes and when I finally do get a few minutes at 9:30 at night THAT'S when he wants to talk finances, weekend plans, to-dos, etc... no, DH, I need sleep because LO gets up in another 1.5 hours and while you'll still be awake, you have an uncanny ability to ignore his crying.

And I swear I'm not taking him for granted. He's an amazing man and father and is always well intended; it's just sometimes he oblivious to what my day has really been like and I'm too tired to communicate that. Plus, I've seen what some days of him working from home look like and let's just say Netflix and Pandora play an awful lot and he seems to visit quite a few estate sales in lieu of lunch.

This. He gets home at 10, I stay up to give him a quick run down, but thats when he wants to talk more and make all these big decisions!

tigerfish227 · June 2017

I love my baby but I'm really struggling today. He's been super clingy the last couple days and I'm almost to a breaking point. I cannot put him down without him losing his freaking mind. He doesn't want to pay with his toys. He doesn't want to be in his exersaucer. He only wants to be held... All the time! He screams bloody murder if I try to put him down even long enough to go pee. I don't even been make it out of the room before he's wailing. I'm taking the second his little butt touches the floor/exersaucer/crib/whatever he's immediately throwing a fit. He's sleeping right now so I'm laying in bed with him crying while he sleeps. I'm emotionally exhausted.

jsmai · June 2017

@tigerfish227 I'm so sorry. That can be so tiring. And for days?

I hope you get a reprieve soon.

Ladybug2821 · June 2017

@tigerfish227 I'm sorry to hear your going through that. Maybe he is going through a leap which means there is an end in sight. Even if you have to sit him in his crib and walk outside for a few moments to take a breather, he'll be ok.

RhodaMorgenstern · June 2017

@tigerfish227 I am so sorry you're going through this. Is your LO crying when your spouse takes him? I'm going to give you a word of advice my pediatrician gave me when my daughter went through the same spell at 10 weeks. Give them a bottle, change them and lay them down in their cribs. Even if he cries, you need time for yourself. If he cries, let your spouse or someone else you trust go in and comfort him but take the time you need for you. Internet hugs for you and remember that you can always vent here, we're always here to listen.

MrsMaryK2016 · June 2017

@tigerfish227 Ugh, we've all been there and it definitely SUCKS. It's probably just a phase, maybe he's getting sick or teething? Either way, it will probably pass soon although I know that doesn't help right now.

SandNStarsNJ · June 2017

MrsMaryK2016 said:

@tigerfish227 Ugh, we've all been there and it definitely SUCKS. It's probably just a phase, maybe he's getting sick or teething? Either way, it will probably pass soon although I know that doesn't help right now.

I was thinking teeth too. Can you wear him @tigerfish227? That has helped me through those stages. Hope you get a little nap too!

kvruns · June 2017

@tigerfish227 hope this passes soon that is tough

kvruns · June 2017

Mine is super petty but yesterday when I picked B up at daycare he was in a different outfit but his original outfit wasn't in his cubby. They still can't find it. I really need those khaki shorts bc they actually fit him and are super cute. I'm annoyed

SandNStarsNJ · June 2017

kvruns said:

Mine is super petty but yesterday when I picked B up at daycare he was in a different outfit but his original outfit wasn't in his cubby. They still can't find it. I really need those khaki shorts bc they actually fit him and are super cute. I'm annoyed

This happened to me with a sweatshirt hoodie of ODD's before she was 2. It was a gift from her grandma, had her name on it and was bright pink. Her teacher didn't know where it was when I asked; she was fired like a week later (unrelated) and so I gave up. Sure enough I see another girl come in wearing it one day!

I thought they'd give it back. But no. The girl continued to wear it. I was waiting for it to be in the cubby but she always had it on. As a parent wouldn't you be like "huh. Where did we get this? And who is Emilia?"?

Not them. I eventually mentioned it to another teacher I was close to and she got it back. By the time we did, it no longer fit her.

Ladybug2821 · June 2017

@SandNStarsNJ What the heck?? That is pretty weird.
@kvruns I would be upset and would make it very clear I want them back so someone needs to figure out where they are.

kvruns · June 2017

@SandNStarsNJ what the heck it was t even that girls name?!? The teacher I talked to today said she would leave a note to ask other parents but the drop off teacher in morning is different from this girl so we will see

SandNStarsNJ · June 2017

kvruns said:

@SandNStarsNJ what the heck it was t even that girls name?!? The teacher I talked to today said she would leave a note to ask other parents but the drop off teacher in morning is different from this girl so we will see

That is not this girl's name. But the teachers couldn't recover what they didn't have. The parents needed to return it and didn't.

RhodaMorgenstern · June 2017

I really try not to vent about my husband, he works really hard, does a lot around the house and is a great, great dad but wtf is it about being sick that turns men into such whiney babies? He caught whatever I had earlier this week and was super sick yesterday. I did everything with the baby, my mom, the dog and the cat. Today, he's just tired but he's just being such an ass. I keep telling him to go upstairs and lay down (mainly so I don't have to hear him) but he keeps staying up. And being a brat.

And wtf to my dog and cat? 95% of the time they're both chill, easy animals. Tonight they both decide to be nonstop assholes.

tigerfish227 · June 2017

Thanks ladies. I'm temporarily a SAHM so it's just me during most of the day. DH got home and we were sitting down for dinner. V wouldn't eat for me so I shoved the container in front of DH and told him he could deal with him. I ate the rest of my dinner and DH took V for a little before going to pick up SSs. He's doing better now but I really just want to go take a hot bath and eat my smoothie. I wish my phone was waterproof. Lol!

SandNStarsNJ · June 2017

I am laughing in solidarity @rhodamorgenstern because I was just about typed the same thing: why the hell can they not handle a cold? DH is currently refusing to talk because his throat hurts and keeps using the "I'm tired and don't feel good" line but refuses to go to bed. Like just go to sleep already and stop whining.

kvruns · June 2017

It's like men want to be on display when sick so you can see just how bad they feel

SandNStarsNJ · June 2017

kvruns said:

It's like men want to be on display when sick so you can see just how bad they feel

Yup. I've started calling him out a little here and there because I suck up a lot of sh*t. So when he says he just doesn't know why he feels worse today than yesterday, I softballed the "perhaps paying soccer last night put you over the edge" and when ODD asked why I was drinking an Emergen-C I told her because daddy is sick and refuses to take vitamins so the rest of us have to instead. Passive aggressive? Maybe. But if I can push out his two kids all natural, then he could swallow a damn vitamin c and go bed early. We're not looking for him to move mountains or anything.

tigerfish227 · June 2017

I did it! I took a bath! I put V downstairs with DH and told him I was taking a bath. I didn't give him a chance to say anything. Just walked back upstairs.

Now it's bedtime for the little man so I'm secluding myself in the bedroom with him in hopes that he will fall asleep quickly and I can put him in the crib. I tried 4 times last night but he wasn't having any of that crib nonsense.

SandNStarsNJ · June 2017

Good luck @tigerfish227!

camcbeth · June 2017

Mom win for sure taking that bath @tigerfish227. It feels good sometimes to hand off the kids and have a moment to ourselves.

RhodaMorgenstern · June 2017

Good for you, @tigerfish227! You earned that bath, your husband can take care of V for a half hour.
@kvruns, you're totally right about men wanting to be on display when they're sick. You're sick, not dying, just go to bed and stop prolonging the melodrama.
@SandNStarsNJ if your husband calls you out on the passive aggressive comment to your daughter about vitamins, just say that you're trying to teach her good habits. Like taking vitamins and not playing soccer when you're recovering from being sick.

leighry · June 2017

RhodaMorgenstern said:

Good for you, @tigerfish227! You earned that bath, your husband can take care of V for a half hour.
@kvruns, you're totally right about men wanting to be on display when they're sick. You're sick, not dying, just go to bed and stop prolonging the melodrama.
@SandNStarsNJ if your husband calls you out on the passive aggressive comment to your daughter about vitamins, just say that you're trying to teach her good habits. Like taking vitamins and not playing soccer when you're recovering from being sick.

kvruns · June 2017

B caught more daycare germs and is back to coughing all night long. Ugh. I just want to sleep! And of course he's not rested waking up every 2 hours too

jsmai · June 2017

@kvruns I was just thinking about you and wondering how your sleep training was going. I hope you get some rest soon.

kvruns · June 2017

Thanks @jsmai it has gone really well and there have been a couple great nights. I usually have to get up 1x to soothe at some point. Last night I had to soothe him at like 1045 and he did fuss off and on for a while but the rest of the night I didn't have to go in even tho he was fussing and coughing. I do hope the fussing/wakeups subside so I can acrually sleep.

kvruns · June 2017

And H is in bed because his throat hurts. Really? He mentioned it earlier and I was like mine does too I think it's bc the AC ran all night. And He took a nap in the chair right under a vent so that makes it worse (blowing directly on that seat) and he decided he just has to go lay down now. Really? Though at least for once he's not laying in the living room moaning so maybe this is better

leighry · June 2017

Wtf to life. First someone rear ends me. Then our dog has massive disgusting diarrhea. Then I rear end someone else. Then our central A.C. goes and we have to replace it along with our furnace and now our pilot light in our water heater went out and won't go back on. I'm throwing up the white flag here. Give me a break.

SandNStarsNJ · June 2017

leighry said:

Wtf to life. First someone rear ends me. Then our dog has massive disgusting diarrhea. Then I rear end someone else. Then our central A.C. goes and we have to replace it along with our furnace and now our pilot light in our water heater went out and won't go back on. I'm throwing up the white flag here. Give me a break.

That is awful! I say pack up the kids and go find a hotel with a pool and really sweet room service. You definitely need a break.

kvruns · June 2017

Oh no @leighry that's awful. Any chance you can drop the kids with grandparents and take a chill night

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