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Inappropriate Comments/Questions Thread

hestia-is-weariehestia-is-wearie member
in July 2019 Moms

A place to commiserate over the ridiculous things people have said or asked about your pregnancy. 
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Re: Inappropriate Comments/Questions Thread

  • hestia-is-weariehestia-is-wearie member
    DH’s Aunt: So do you think it’s a girl or a boy?
    MIL (before I can respond): I think it’s a girl!
    Aunt: I think boy. 
    Me: I think it’s a girl because I’ve had two dreams about a girl so far. 
    Aunt: Well, usually women who dream about one end up having the opposite. Unless your family is really good at dream interpretation. 

    🙄 right. 
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  • bartonoliviabartonolivia member
    My mom keeps saying it’s a girl too. In fact EVERYONE is saying it’s a girl. Lol like you don’t know so shut up. 

    My mom mom also said “I hope you have a boy because I hate your girl name” okay thanks? It’s a good thing I don’t care lol 

    another one from my mom “you’re on your third kid at age 22, I don’t know how you ever think you’re going to stay in shape” says the women with 5 girls AND had twins and is a twig. Like you did it, why can’t I? 
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  • nopegoatnopegoat member
    Lots of, "Oh maybe this will finally be your girl" comments here. No surprise there. Just annoying. 


    Wife. Boy mom x6. Expecting #7. Wannabe homesteader.
    , 💙💙💙💙💙💙
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  • nopegoatnopegoat member
    I will never understand the obsession of the sex of someone else's kid. Never. So weird.

    @bartonolivia your mom sounds like a peach. She reminds me a lot of my MIL... Sorry girl. 

    @Bear14+ I remember you saying something about this before. So shitty.
    Wife. Boy mom x6. Expecting #7. Wannabe homesteader.
    , 💙💙💙💙💙💙
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  • Bear14+Bear14+ member
    @nopegoat with DS...I accidentally got pregnant before our wedding. I was 17 weeks on our wedding day and she continued to lie to people, the country club manager congratulated her on a grandchild and she said "oh no, she's not pregnant, she just doesn't like to drink a lot". She was mortified that we weren't married before the BFP. Oh well, she's 72, so pretty old school I guess  :#
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  • mamanbebemamanbebe member
    @nopegoat MILs sure are a special kind of human. I cannot wait for this kind of conservatism to die out with the baby boomers generation. 

    I was pregnant before we got married, we told my parents a few days before our wedding and my dad fist-bumped my husband. 

    We waited like 2 more months to tell my in-laws because they basically live on the set of Footloose. 
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  • msimimsimi member
    I’ve had not one, but TWO family members on my husbands side ask if I’m showing yet, and then when I said no respond that they thought I was. Why ask if you’re going to volunteer your rude opinion anyway? 
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  • nopegoatnopegoat member
    We've had a neighbors over ALL. DAMN. DAY. She has announced her weight at least 5 times and has asked me how much I gain with my pregnancies and has done everything she can to get me to tell her my current weight without flat out asking me. 

    I'm over it. 
    Wife. Boy mom x6. Expecting #7. Wannabe homesteader.
    , 💙💙💙💙💙💙
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  • nopegoatnopegoat member
    They finally left but not before she told me that her sister was so skinny and then got pregnant and got so fat. Then her and her husband made fun of her...

    Fuck this is going to be a long pregnancy. 
    Wife. Boy mom x6. Expecting #7. Wannabe homesteader.
    , 💙💙💙💙💙💙
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  • firecracker_mamafirecracker_mama member
    Before we told my ILs that we were expecting, I was the one that MIL talked trash to about my SIL (DH's brother's wife). She hated how SIL swaddled the kid, why does she send her to daycare, she should do this and that...that's what they did BACK IN THE DAY. I used to think my MIL was so sweet but now that I know she'll be saying or at least thinking the same shit about me? Annoyed by everything that comes out of her mouth lately. Fwiw, I stood up for SIL. 
    FTM
    July 4th
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  • firecracker_mamafirecracker_mama member
    @hakele we got the 'we gave up hope!' thing too. Like, sure we've been married for 6.5 years but we were young and dh was still in school when we got married. He chose an incredibly long career path and made very little money along the way. Of course, when given the option, we waited.
    FTM
    July 4th
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  • hakelehakele member
    @firecracker_mama yeah... we’ve been married 8 years. Hubs did grad school in that time, too. 
    But also, it took me 2 years of trying. As my BFF said, “God was waiting for the right time, and that time is now.” Such a much more positive and friendly way to say it. 
    In my family, it isn’t a big deal to wait until your 30s. My great grandma had all her kids in her 40s and this was back in the 1930s! And my parents were 37 when they had my little sister. 
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  • sarahbuehlowsarahbuehlow member
    We are on baby #2 (first one was conceived before marriage). We have been married for almost a year and announced baby number 2 at Christmas and we also had people ask us if it was planned. I just feel that this is never an appropriate question to ask. Our boys are also going to be 4 years apart so that has brought people to ask if it was an “oops” as well. No people it wasn’t an oops. You never know what someone is dealing with behind the scenes (ie TTC issues etc) so it’s probably best to keep the comments to yourself. Rant over! 

    To all all the moms with in laws making rude comments or being unsupportive- maybe they should be reminded that it’s a privilege to be a part of their grandchildrens’ lives and negativity isn’t necessary. Babies are gifts and should be treated as a happy time! Keep going strong mamas 💪🏻
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  • rgn12rgn12 member
    Ironically the nurse practitioner at my office was the first to make inappropriate/rude comments. She started off by saying “is the father involved?” Because my husband was outside on the phone since they called me back like ten minutes early. Then she proceeded to ask if my boobs were fake, which they’re not. It was the weirdest ob visit. 

    MIL didn’t react to our announcement. She said she knew it was coming already, so wasn’t surprised. I was shocked as hell that it happened so fast, so not sure how she wasn’t surprised... it’s not like we advertised that we were trying. And then to make things worse she mentioned that I guess you all didn’t get the reaction you want, maybe you should tell so and so, so that you do. By the way... this is the first grandchild on both sides so I was just shocked. 

    Luckily I haven’t had too many people insert themselves into my businesses lately. I’m sure it’ll start before we know it. 
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  • hestia-is-weariehestia-is-wearie member
    nopegoat said:
    Lots of, "Oh maybe this will finally be your girl" comments here. No surprise there. Just annoying. 
    "Or maybe this will be my boy." (Doesn't matter how many you already have, the baby still "your girl" or "your boy.")
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  • hestia-is-weariehestia-is-wearie member
    Fortunately no one has asked, "Was it planned?", but pretty much everyone except my parents asked, "Were you guys trying?" I feel like that's a way more tactful way of putting it even though it's basically the same question. We weren't trying for long, so not too many knew we were. 
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  • canuckmommacanuckmomma member
    Well I’ve mentioned in another thread that my boss flat out asked me (ifo another coworker/peer) if I was pregnant- at SIX WEEKS. Like, I had known myself for 2.5 weeks. We are on very good terms, she’s an amazing boss and I get treated very well. With that said, I reacted shocked, turned red  and admitted I was. But then after thinking about it I realized how inappropriate (and illegal) that was. I did have major bloat and kept crackers/ginger ale close but I wasn’t ready to tell. She took that away from me, plus I’m sure made my coworker feel awkward. I let her know it was NOT public knowledge nor what she to bring it up again or tell anyone til I was ready. She’s respected that- and now I’m over 12 weeks and told the rest of the office.  
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  • cookie510cookie510 member

    @mamanessen literally every person I've told has asked me if it was planned. Or if we were trying. Ick

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  • ketomommyketomommy member
    I told my MIL I was having really bad morning sickness.  She replied "well now you might finally get to your goal weight."

    My aunt said "I think your marriage is on the rocks.  Getting divorced with one kid is hard, two kids is going to be miserable."  Not that it is hers, or anyone's business, our marriage is very solid.  The same aunt also told my mom to be prepared for how much I am going to dump on her.  We aren't speaking right now.
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  • rgn12rgn12 member
    @ketomommy omg how rude! 
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  • runsoncoffeerunsoncoffee member
    Like @mamanessen I have constantly been getting the "was it planned?" question. From family included! This is our third in three years so I get they are close in age but that doesnt mean it wasnt planned and even if it wasnt what is the point in asking that?!?!? Do you really care to know the answer? Even the nurse at my appt asked me and she was completely done with her questions so she was just being nosey. I'm soo tempted one of these times to say no, it wasnt planned and we dont really want the baby just to see the reaction. 
    We also have been getting the girl comments since we have two boys.
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  • nopegoatnopegoat member
    We don't get the "was it planned" questions any more. We get "Again?!" and since all my other boys were 1.5-2yrs apart and this one will be 3yrs apart we had a few "I was wondering when you'd be announcing again" sprinkled in there too lol. 
    Wife. Boy mom x6. Expecting #7. Wannabe homesteader.
    , 💙💙💙💙💙💙
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  • quinniebearquinniebear member
    I've gotten the was it planned question a few times now too 😒 Like yes would you like to hear our whole TTC story??? Ugh people. This isnt a comment but my MIL has already patted my belly once (!!!!) WTF. Please do not touch my body. Ever. We all know where babies grow. 
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  • hestia-is-weariehestia-is-wearie member
    @nopegoat DH's aunt (not the one from the "dream" comment) has 8 kids. I guess it was common knowledge she wanted a big family, because if she said she wasn't pregnant, her family would ask her, "Is everything okay?!" :D 
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  • sarahtram2018sarahtram2018 member
    @quinniebear my mil has touched my stomach NUMEROUS times already! I’m only just starting to get a somewhat noticeable bump but she was doing it when we told them at 8 weeks! I almost lost my mind. After we left, I told my husband he better tell his mom to stop or I’m going to lose it! I love my mil but no thanks 🙅🏻‍♀️ 
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  • mnkennedmnkenned member
    mamanessen said:
    I've had several people ask me directly if this was a planned pregnancy. As in, I've shared the news with them that I am pregnant, and they ask almost immediately "was this planned?". It seems like one of those nervous word vomit type situations on their part but it has rubbed me the wrong way every time. 
    I have a similar reaction to people who say "I knew it!" Like, how? Did you notice I'm getting chubby? Do I look nauseated? Am I that much of a wine-o that you noticed I didn't drink with lunch? Drives me nuts. We have a text chain with dh's fam and they all said it so i made a PSA that a pregnant woman interprets that as looking fat. They were unamused. 
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  • mamanessenmamanessen member
    edited January 2019
    @cookie510 It drives me crazy!!

    @ccmama3 Yeah, I don't understand it. I suppose that my husband and I never boasted that we had any interest in starting a family, but who does!? & Honestly, who cares!? I've started saying "that's a weird question" which makes people uncomfortable enough, haha ugh. 

    @mnkenned Oh man - I shared the news with my cousin when I was 10w and she told me that she thought she could "see a baby bump" but didn't want to say anything. I corrected her and told her that it was legit just fat that she was seeing, it wouldn't be possible for me to have a bump at that stage! I just don't understand the audacity some people have when others are pregnant!!
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  • ameliabedelia-2ameliabedelia-2 member
    @hakele, it's basically the worst company you could ever imagine working for. I joined after 2 back to back layoffs following my first pregnancy, so I felt like I really needed to tough it out for the sake of my resume. I will be there for 3 years after my maternity leave, I figure that's long enough for me to tell them to eat a dick:)
    Momma to Amelia Marie (7/14) and Austin Samuel (11/17). Adding baby (girl) #3 on 7/21  <3
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  • hestia-is-weariehestia-is-wearie member
    @ameliabedelia-2 I used to work for a company that was founded/CEOed by a single mom, had a 100% female staff...and they forbade working from home, any absence within the first 90 days could be grounds for termination, you couldn't take any paid time off until the following complete calendar year after your date of hire (so someone hired in February would have to wait 23 months), and every day someone made a comment about my body. Tell me again about how female leadership makes a company better :unamused:
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  • mamanbebemamanbebe member
    Sometimes I think that is the result of a culture where only woman who act like hard-asses can get ahead and other times I just think.. that has less to do with them being a woman and more to do with them just being a terrible person. 
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  • ameliabedelia-2ameliabedelia-2 member
    @hestia14, that sounds just like my company. I was the first person to get pregnant at the company. I was working as both the Recruiting and HR Manager. I wrote the maternity policy and got all the leave benefits established, then they added a "1 year employment" clause to make it so I wasn't eligible. I will add, nobody had been there a year, I was employee #20! 
    Momma to Amelia Marie (7/14) and Austin Samuel (11/17). Adding baby (girl) #3 on 7/21  <3
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  • babyginjulybabyginjuly member
    I haven't so much had inappropriate comments made at me but the unsolicited advice from everyone is driving me crazy. I'm almost 32, alas pregnant with my first but I know how to read and make decisions for my own growing child.
    Lilypie Pregnancy tickers
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