Inappropriate Comments/Questions Thread - Page 5 — The Bump
July 2019 Moms

Inappropriate Comments/Questions Thread


Re: Inappropriate Comments/Questions Thread

  • I feel you so much on the "all boy?" "going for the girl?" comments. I can't tell you how many people have already planned out our next kid (which would just so happen be twin girls) when we told them we were having another boy.

  • It’s been awhile since I posted, figured this was a good one to jump back in!

    Today I was told I could eat whatever I want because I’m “eating for 3”, then they’re like “oops thought you were having twins”

    I am also having my third boy, and the whole “will you go for a girl after” comment is getting very old!
  • @onaed people are horrible. Ugh.

  • My coworker, after I said I'm finally really showing: "You don't look pregnant. You just look like you put on some weight."   Uh thanks? lol, she really did mean well!
    Pregnancy Ticker
  • @meandlittleb That sounds annoying but freezing your eggs * is * really rough! I went through IVF four times, and the drugs make you just as hormonal and bloated as pregnancy, unfortunately. Maybe even crazier at times, lol. That being said, it is NOT the same as being pregnant. Not at all. And that may be what's really bothering her. It's an extraordinary step, freezing your eggs, so she very obviously wants to be pregnant. I'm sure there's quite a bit of jealousy there - try your best to ignore it! Easier said than done, I know. One-upping and me-tooing is really annoying.
    Pregnancy Ticker
  • Me: *buys one thing for baby*
    Everyone else: "Don't go buying a ton of stuff yet!!! Wait for your shower!!!"
    IT'S A PACK OF DIAPERS. Or a clearance holiday outfit. Or a box of wipes. Not an entire wardrobe or piece of furniture. :rage: 
    Lilypie Maternity tickers
  • MIL told me I look so much bigger after being gone for literally only 6 days. -_- Thanks.
    BFP ♡ Jan 2016 - M born Oct 2016
    PPD for 1yr+ post-pregnancy
    BFP ♡ Sept 2018 - CP @ 5 weeks
    BFP ♡ Nov 2018 - Baby R due Jul 2019

  • @hestia14 yeah... everyone told me to wait for my shower, and then no one came to my "shower" that was only sort of planned and I scrambled to get the stuff I needed. 
  • We bought some stuff from the Gymboree liquidation sale (too good of a deal to pass up), and got similar comments about not buying it for ourselves.  I know everyone wants to buy baby clothing as gifts, but we want to pick out and buy some baby clothes ourselves, too!
  • I'm a FTM and it seems like pregnancy in general has been sparking a wave of negativity through some people. I was out to work with some colleagues on Friday night, and a few of them started going back and forth telling me absolute horror stories regarding pregnancy/birth. It was awful. I finally said "I need you to please shut the f up :)" but they continued anyway. It's so weird. I've had a few family members do this too. Has anyone else noticed this or am I just surrounded by some bizarre people?
  • @mamanessen ; It's not just you. Right after we told her about the baby, my SIL launched into this discussion of MC likelihood and all the people she'd known who had one. W.T.F. !!!!  (I may have already said that on this thread lol but I'm still mad). Also my MIL is apparently freaking out about what "we" (including her??) will do about the baby, and who will take care of the baby during the day, etc. She and DH had a big fight so we aren't in touch right now, but she's still telling other people this stuff and I have no idea what her deal is. She has also repeatedly said she never thought he'd have kids, or she didn't think he should have kids, etc. Because, you know, I don't exist or anything....???? Trying to just ignore it all but I'm kinda pissed.
  • acgxacgx
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    @mamanessen My friend and I (she's also pregnant, due in May!) were just talking about this as well. It's so strange - it seems like when people find out you're pregnant, they say congratulations and then launch into the most negative experiences they had or have heard of someone else having. Definitely a strange phenomenon!

  • @quinniebear Oh yeah, I've had a few relatives launch the "I thought you were never going to have kids" speech at my husband and I. Which is weird, because if anyone ever asked we have both always been very open about how we wanted to start a family...

    @acgx It is so bizarre. I'm going to chalk it up to nerves on their end/not knowing what to say and just try my best to ignore it!
  • @mamanessen ; I think you're right it's just nerves or weird reactions coming out.  Why people can't just say congrats and move on is something I will never understand!!  DH and I are in our 30s and we weren't sure we were going to have kids until maybe the last year or so, but I don't see why that is anyone's business but ours! And so many (his family, again - thankful my family is supportive/not awkward) have asked if we got pregnant on purpose. Like, what does that matter? 
  • hakelehakele
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    @quinniebear We got that question a lot from his side. I think it was because so many of the kids on his side are actual accidents. My BIL has two oops babies (aka both of them), his cousin has 4 oops babies out of 5 kids, the other cousin has 1 oops out of 3 kids. Another cousin has 1 oops out of 1. Another has 1 oops out of 1. So pretty much 3 kids on that side of the family were planned out of 12! 
    My family was just like, about time, you've only been married for 8 years. Thanks, mom and dad. Keeping in mind, they are the ones who told us to take our time. 
  • acgxacgx
    100 Comments 100 Love Its Name Dropper Photogenic
    I went to the optometrist the other day just for a yearly checkup. It's a new person I picked off my insurance's list bc the practice is right by my house. Had to get a new one since we just moved to the area a few months back. 

    Ugh poor choice apparently. This man preceded to condescendingly "teach" me about being pregnant and talk about how now my sole purpose in life is to keep baby safe and how it would be irresponsible to ever take any medicine while pregnant. (This came from him noticing my medication list, that include two medications prescribed by my OB, and another I'd been on prior to being pregnant, that my OB specifically approved.) 

    His condescention was remarkable for someone who physically can't get or ever be pregnant. The very definition of mansplaining 🙄🙄🙄 Plus, you're an EYE doctor. I really only need advice on my EYES from you!

    Needless to say I'll pick a new eye doctor. 
  • @acgx ; how obnoxious!!
  • CbeanzCbeanz
    Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments 250 Answers 500 Love Its
    @mamanessen ; I'm sorry you're dealing with people being negative and sharing horror stories.  I believe this is actually pretty common with FTMs and I have an opinion as to why.  Childbirth is a really big deal and it has the ability to shape a woman's outlook on herself and her feelings of self-worth.  I think there are many women who have negative experiences in the delivery room and it cuts a woman to the core. It's really hard to empower others when you were not empowered yourself. I find that the women who are the most supportive to me are the ones who felt supported in their own labor. And the ones with bad experiences wish the worst on others. I think we often underestimate just how important and impactful childbirth is to a woman.

    Personally I've been on both sides of the coin. I've had one amazingly empowering triumphant euphoric experience, and another where I was literally paralyzed. And one kind of in between. I believe those experiences will affect the rest of my life. I want more women to be given choices like I had that first time bc it was amazing. My heart breaks for people who were dis-empowered (is that a word?) bc it will take a lifetime to fully process it.
  • hestia14hestia14
    Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 500 Comments Name Dropper
    Not inappropriate, but we had a chaotic gender reveal last night to DH's aunt and grandparents:
    Me: "Here's the ultrasound pics! One of them will say if it's a boy or a girl!"
    Aunt: "(MIL's name), get over here so you can see!"
    MIL: "I already knew." (we did a separate reveal with her the day after we found out.)
    Aunt: "You lied to me?!?!"
    MIL: (points to me) "They swore me to secrecy!" (We didn't. We just wanted to tell her in person.)
    Aunt: *fumes*
    Grandma: *flips through photos* "I can't find it! Which one says its a boy or a girl?"
    Aunt: "I can't tell either! I don't have my reading glasses on!"
    Grandma: *goes back through every single photo*
    Me: "It's the last one!"
    Grandma: *finds last photo, where "it's a girl" is printed next to the genitals* "It's a boy!!!"
    Me, MIL, and DH: "NO!" :expressionless:
    Grandma: "It's a girl!!!"
    Me, MIL, and DH: "YES!"
    MIL's friends: *walking in the door* "What'd we miss?"
    Lilypie Maternity tickers
  • @Cbeanz I’m curious about what you said about disempowering childbirth experiences- and what makes for a good experience.  

    I’m a FTM and generally have avoided researching childbirth because I don’t want to go into it afraid of things that happened to other people. My DH is an MD and delivered a few babies back in the day, and my OB, who I trust, will be at the birth.  Maybe I am relying on them too much...I don’t know.

    Any suggested reading that is more positive than negative? I want to keep an open mind and not be over or under informed. Positive advice welcomed from any STM+!
  • CbeanzCbeanz
    Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments 250 Answers 500 Love Its
    @expatmom39 I recommend every FTM to read as much as possible about labor and birth. Actual educational books, not internet/app blurbs/comedy books. I always recommend anything by Ina May Gaskin as a starter. Also Thinking Woman's Guide to a Better Birth. There is no such thing as being "over informed" on this topic. The books I mentioned are informative and not fear mongering at all.

    Empowerment is all about being respected and having choices. You can only make informed choices if you've educated yourself beforehand.

    When I was pregnant with my first I had no idea that birth wasn't just a routine medical procedure.  I didn't know I had so many choices or how those choices could affect the outcome of my body and mind. We all want a healthy baby and mother at the end but there's much more to it than that. It's a women's rights issue.
  • Is it just me or are you guys getting weird and rude questions from people.  Maybe because I work in a retirement community and the older generation has no filters, but I do not think it is appropriate for anyone to A. Ask me how much weight I've gained, and B. Ask me about my breast feeding plans.   Is anyone else getting these two questions b/c I seem to be getting them a lot.  And for a FTM I am a little put off and annoyed by this.
  • @mom2b77373 I have been asked the weight question by an extremely socially awkward/rude neighbor. Totally inappropriate. I don't get the BFing questions or unsolicited advice much anymore because everyone is so focused on my huge all boy crew instead which is equally obnoxious.

     I wish I could say the inappropriate questions go away after having the baby but it probably gets worse for a while.

  • CbeanzCbeanz
    Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments 250 Answers 500 Love Its
    @mom2b77373 Unfortunately I think @nopegoat is right that the BF questions will continue after baby is born, especially for a FTM. I had strangers - even men! - asking me in grocery stores etc whether I was breastfeeding. Suddenly people think your body is their business. Also the comments about YOUR weight might morph into comments about the BABY's weight and size.  :#  I had petite babies and nothing pissed me off more than negative comments about their size.

    No one asks me that stuff anymore bc I'm usually out with 3 girls in tow so they keep their distance. Haha
  • Thank you for this! knowing that I am not the only one makes me feel so much better.  I have for sure put on more weight than normal and I am totally ok with that... until someone makes a comment about how I need to slow my food intake. It is what it is and its just something I will need to have to get used to for the next 3 1/2 months lol. 
  • @mom2b77373 I was asked the weight question by an elderly family member while we were out to lunch. Super awkward and kinda took me by surprise. As it happens I had only lost weight at that point so I told her that 😂 If I get any BF questions I hope I just shut that down. Nobody's business but yours.
  • I try very hard to be polite and avoid the situation... BUT... I want to loudly to tell them to mind their business and ask them where they learned their manners from. With the frequency I hear the weight question it really starts to upset me and make me wonder but I know I am at a good weight. Thank you ladies for your support.
  • CbeanzCbeanz
    Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments 250 Answers 500 Love Its
    @mom2b77373 You look fantastic! Every time you post in the HDBD thread!!!
  • gbud630gbud630
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    Maybe I'm overreacting on this one but, I posted my 25 week bump photo on instagram - I definitely got a lot of sweet comments and messages - however, several people only said "oh my god". Now I've been posting every 5 weeks so they are all aware I'm pregnant so I can't help but feel they are targeting their "oh my god" at my size. Really disheartening and made me feel so self conscious.
    Lilypie Pregnancy tickers
  • I've had people send me messages on FB asking me to post pictures of my bump.. um no thanks.. I'll post what I want and when I want.. 
    Husband and I were going to the movies this weekend, walk outside to the car, the neighbor (who we hardly talk to) looked over at me, I could tell she wanted to ask me if I was pregnant but I just got in the car.. well yesterday I was out doing yard work.. just sitting down on the ground pulling weeds and she walks by with her dog and asks me if I am expecting, so I say yes, and then she goes, when are you due, do you know what you're having? that is probably the most we've talked in the 2 years we've lived here.. everyone seems so damn nosy once you start showing.. 

  • @jennm0724 I swear somebody at work asks me if I'm pregnant more than once a week now. Most of them are people I never work with. I mean, it's pretty obvious at this point, but these people just come out nowhere. 

    There's a guy in my group of friends who I never been a big fan of and the last few times I've seen him, he's made a comment about my pregnancy symptoms being affected by my height. (I'm 5'0".) A few weeks ago was the first time he saw me with a bump and he said, "Pretty soon you're gonna be like this...*waddles*". I was at his house over the weekend and I asked my other pregnant friend if her hands and feet had gotten swollen yet, and the guy piped in that my feet probably swell easier because I'm so short. (And how does that explain my fingers?) He also made fun of me being afraid of large dogs (again, turning it into a height joke), and then one of his jumped on me and left a huge red scratch on my belly. Fortunately baby started kicking me like crazy...probably was throwing a tantrum in there. I went into the bathroom and apologized to her as the guy tried to calm his dog down with treats :cry:
    This is the same guy who will hold things over his head so I can't reach them. I'm pretty sure he never graduated first grade :unamused: 
    Lilypie Maternity tickers
  • @hestia14 that guy can't be for reals! He sounds like a real ass hat who hasn't matured at all...seriously what does being 5' have to do with anything!?? People are so stupid it blows my mind. 

  • @hestia14 What a jerk!! I'd tell him to go f himself. Makes me mad just reading about it. Sorry you have to deal with such a loser. 

    Mine was more of a look. Went to lunch before my AS, and got a cold lemonade to drink instead of my normal water. I was worried baby wouldn't be showing off her parts, and wanted the sugar/cold drink to encourage movement. After, I was scheduling the next several appointments, every single one around 1pm because it works well for both of our schedules. Receptionist mentions to me that I shouldn't have much sugar before the glucose screening appt. I told her that isn't a problem for me. She asks if I'm sure about the time and Hard Eyeballs my lemonade. Maybe she ment well, but she made me feel judged, like I was dumb or couldn't control my sugar intake. I told you once that I could handle it, and I can.
  • @hestia14 ; Wow, that straight up sounds like an elementary age kid trying to flirt.  Lame.

  • @nopegoat Good idea! I'll have to try that if he pulls that again. :p 
    Thanks everyone. Unfortunately, I expected people to make comments about my height once I got pregnant. It already happens enough when I'm not. ("Lyk omg, that crockpot you're holding is as big as you are!" "Do you still wear kids' clothes?") It's like people choose to pick on short people because there's no socially unacceptable label for it--there's no such thing as "short-shaming" or being "heightist." 
    That guy does and says a lot of offensive stuff. He says he prefers hanging out with our group instead of his old friends because we act like "adults," but that doesn't explain why he acts like a child around us. I'm starting to wonder if his old friends actually told him to take a hike. :D 
    Lilypie Maternity tickers
  • @hestia14 I bet it would only take once to get your point across lol!!! I am 1 of 7 kids from my mom and am also the smallest/shortest. Even my two younger siblings are MUCH bigger than I am. I quickly developed a take no shit because of my size attitude. H learned that the hard way too. He's quickly learned to never say I can't do something because of my size, strength, or sex because I absolutely will prove him wrong. Ha! 

  • tsa208tsa208
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    I recently got the "Was it planned?" question. REALLY?
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  • hakelehakele
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    @hestia14 I agree with everyone that this guy is definitely being a jerk. But also, the level that he takes it to would be considered bullying at my work. He'd be written up for it. 

    Also... I'm 5'9" so I'm the opposite end of the scale and very tall. What I do know is this, DO NOT F with short chicks. They are scrappy and tough and scary as hell. 
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