Inappropriate Comments/Questions Thread - Page 7 — The Bump
July 2019 Moms

Inappropriate Comments/Questions Thread

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Re: Inappropriate Comments/Questions Thread

  • quinniebearquinniebear
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    edited April 18
    @hakele Also I can't sleep for shit now! Lol.

    Got another, was it planned? What is up with people asking that?? This time it was a coworker. It's just such an odd thing to say.

    Sorry for all the MIL issues. DH is not speaking to his mom atm, but I've agreed to do something with her in a couple weeks and already second guessing it. Ughhh.
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  • @hakele if it makes you feel any better, I get better sleep after the baby is here because I’m 1000 times more comfortable so I can actually fall asleep when the baby is sleeping. 🤣
    hakele
  • bartonoliviabartonolivia
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    edited April 18
     My mom has always been tiny. 5 kids and a set of twins later she’s 5’5” and never gets past 125. Wel she called me yesterday and said “I’m up to 136 and I’ve never been so fat in my life” like oh hi mom, you’re talking to the girl who worked her ass off to lose 70 pounds to get to 145 pounds at 5’6”. Then she continues to say “I’m bigger than you and I’m not even pregnant” like okay.... thanks? Then continues to ask if my baby is growing okay bc I’m small. Which I thought I popped and look pretty normal now for 27 weeks. Maybe her way of trying to make me feel better about what she had just said? Idk. But it came out rude to me. 
  • I had mentioned this in another thread but it happened again today and I'm so annoyed.  Word around my department was that I'm due in October not July, and no biggie, people get dates wrong I guess, whatever. But another colleague asked about baby/me/when I'm due. When I said the date she said "oh that is weird I heard October, so it isn't later in the year?" NOOO it isn't unless you're my DR and are telling me I've carrying this baby for eleven months  :| some people with the highest level of education, just no common sense.

    @keto that is such crap for Passover! There's more to hosting a meal/event than cooking. She should be thankful your're doing all of this for her guests!

    @bartonolivia that would come off rude to me. My mom is the same way very tiny. She lost a significant amount of weight at one point, which now makes her goal to ask how much I've gained every time I see her. I had previously lost 40 pounds, so now her concern is that I'll get up to my highest I guess. We need to shirts that say "every pregnancy/body is different, leave me alone!"
    gbud630fromcatstokids
  • hakelehakele
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    @samanthak46 I wonder if someone misheard something about your maternity leave because you would be coming back in October from a July maternity leave. And then the game of telephone broke it into someone thinking you are due in October? Just a guess of how that got messed up! This has got to be one of the best things about working from home. Nobody knows I’m pregnant except the people I’ve chosen to tell. Which is about 20 at work. But they are all remote to each other. Hahha. So just the bosses know and then a few people that are my work friends. And I told my old department. That’s it. 
  • @hakele that is what I was thinking too, which is no biggie! I think what bothered me is it's this same person who also told people I hate my job, not true love my job. When we got back from Europe, looked at me and said oh you're still pregnant - uhh yeah. And when I announced, said that she wished there was a year where everyone just stayed put for a while, another co-worker is pregnant and due in June. But you're right!

    So jealous of working from home, I read posts about some mama's working from home and I just think about how great it would be to work from home with my dog in my office all day. I would've done the same thing - wasn't too keen on telling a bunch of people because that's how I am but when you see them everyday you have to.
  • Another work-from-homer here!  Since I only see co-workers in videocalls, my bump is totally not on display and I generally don’t have to talk about my pregnancy, which is great. 
    I used to work in an enormous elementary school that meant having 1000 social interactions a day and I totally couldn’t handle that pregnant!  I hate unsolicited advice...and I’d rather not answer questions about my choices. Me, baby and dad over here! And that’s enough to think about in addition to work!
    hakelesamanthak46
  • hakelehakele
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    @cindler I love you. You totally captured that feeling. 
    We haven’t told my hubs cousin who has 5 boys because we just know it’ll be all the nagging comments in the whole world. They always used to mock us for all the traveling we do. Saying we could only do it because we didn’t have kids. 
    Umm no. That is your choice to not travel because you spend all your money on giant TVs and gaming crap. We spend our money on travel. and you can bet your butt we will continue to travel because it is important to us, regardless of the inherent additional challenges. Will it change how we prepare and book our travel? absolutely. But it will still happen. 
    pizzaplzcindleracgxfromcatstokids
  • @cindler and @hakele you are totally right that if things like restaurants and travel are priorities you will find a way to make your daughters comfortable in those situations! They were also both priorities for me and DD now loves both.

    HOWEVER there were definitely phases when each sucked and I just had to keep my eye on the prize...restaurants between 1-2.5 were significantly less enjoyable because she would not have the attention span. We did baby led weaning which really helped with restaurant (TIP: you learn which foods they eat the slowest and order that so they make it as long as possible ;))

    For travel we definitely had some bad trips where I questioned why I had spent the money....like me sitting in an Airbnb with a screaming jet lag infant on a beautiful day to explore...or full on meltdowns on connecting flights (get ready for lots of wonderful comments, especially when you travel alone). Making the starting conditions as good as possible (central Airbnb vs hotel, flights not during naps or requiring early wake ups, baby friendly cities...) definitely improves the likelihood of things going well but it won’t work 100% of the time and that’s ok!! If I look back, my only really disaster trips were when she was 2 months and 3 months - I think I just didn’t know her well enough yet and thought things could go as usual (and was overly frustrated when they didn’t).

    I’m definitely wondering how our travel habits will change with 2 kids ...one last trip (babymoon in Capri in a week and a half!) with DH and DD and I think LO will not do as many trips as his sister did the first year...probably a long-ish trip to the US and that’s all!
    mamahmh2indulgentgypsycindlerhakele
  • Having very similar comments/experiences to the rest of you. Nice to know we are not alone. The one that really gets me is the BF question, from people with and without kids. I am a FTM and the women with no kids seem to be the biggest offenders of this. I have gotten to where I respond to "Are you going to BF?" with "IDK, are you?" That usually makes them realize how dumb their question is. I do plan to TRY to BF, knowing that it's never a certainty, but I don't know why this is anyone else's concern. Another question that is driving me crazy keeps coming from this one friend with no kids, who asks me each time we talk "Do you have stretch marks yet?" I have no idea why she is obsessed with knowing this, and/or why it matters. The answer so far is no each time, but I am curious if she will be happy or feel sorry for me if/when the answer becomes yes. She also sends me articles and tips to help prevent them... 
    fromcatstokidsexpatmom39
  • Went to my moms for Easter yesterday, my grandma who is 86 is there. Its been about a month since I've seen her, obviously my bump is bigger. I walk in, and she goes " oh you've gotten chubby" I said that was mean and walked away. I know she didnt mean I was chubby but she didnt know how to say my bump is bigger, but I was already feeling fat before I got there and that was the last thing I wanted to hear. I love her and I know she wasn't being mean, still annoyed me. 
    fromcatstokids
  • @jennm0724 oh my gosh! An older lady at my church said the same exact thing to me yesterday! The word "chubby" is never a good choice, pregnant or not. Since we were at church and shes not family I honestly didnt know what to say...I just kind of giggled and changed the subject. 
  • I call my animals fat and chubby when they are pregnant, but I stop even that before they get close to the end! Have you ever had a pregnant dog or goat give you an evil look because you called her chubby? I have. :)
    acgx
  • @firsttimemommy0719 must be an old person thing LOL! I know she meant no harm, but I still got my hormone feelings hurt. 

    @indulgentgypsy LMAO! that is too funny! 

  • @jennm0724 must be! I think my grandma said something like "you're getting bigger". I guess that's a little better than chubby but not much.

    @indulgentgypsy oh my gosh that's hilarious! Animals have feelings too!
    anarose253
  • hestia14hestia14
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    A guy at work asked me if I was "pregnant again." He last saw me when I was about 20W and thought I had given birth and gotten visibly pregnant again two months later. Just how fast does he think humans gestate? :unamused: 
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    cindleracgxexpatmom39
  • pizzaplzpizzaplz
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    @hestia14 Lol! I hope your next step was mansplaining pregnancy and human gestational periods to him!
  • hestia14hestia14
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    @pizzaplz lol no, my first thought was "I'm a human, not a cat," but I didn't want to get into explaining feline gestational periods (#catlady). And shortly before a woman had asked me if it was "almost time" and was astonished when I said I had about two more months. Why does everyone say that? :expressionless:
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    pizzaplz
  • mamanbebemamanbebe
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    @hestia14 When I was 2 weeks postpartum, I was in my OB's office building for an appt with my lactation consultant. A woman waiting at the elevator asked how old my son was.. I told her he was 2 weeks old. So then she looks at my big postpartum stomach and asks if I'm pregnant :neutral: 
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  • @mamanbebe I'm sorry WHAT?  There are SO many things wrong with that question.  
  • mamanbebemamanbebe
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    @blackhottamales I know! Her unpardonable ignorance I think was more offensive than asking if my bloated swollen self was pregnant. 
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    gbud630
  • ketomommyketomommy
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    I have a new one.  There is an attorney in my office that I cannot stand.  She and I don't speak about anything other than purely work related items.  She came into my office yesterday and said "oh I see you got an assigned parking spot, is there something wrong with the baby?"  

    I got the spot because I can't walk without irritating my sciatica and the non-assigned spots are 1/2 a mile up a hill.  Like it's her business....
    gbud630expatmom39
  • hinoteshinotes
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    Recently told someone I was due in mid-July, and they decided I could start trying for my second baby by the end of August, and then have that one next summer... so helpful.
    mamanbebeindulgentgypsy
  • msimimsimi
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    I've started getting tons of comments on both sides of the spectrum (i.e. "how can you be due in July, you're barely showing!" vs. "woah I thought you'd be due sooner with that basketball you've got going on!") now that I'm clearly showing. Makes me think that most people (even women who have kids) have no idea what pregnancy can look like at any given stage. I mean, to be fair my bump size fluctuates a good amount day-to-day based on when I last ate/what time of day it is. Since I get rude comments both directions I've been taking it way less personally, I just think it's weird that people feel the need to share that info. "You look great" is a way better bet.
    gbud630BigBadWolf12quinniebearcanuckmomma
  • acgxacgx
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    So a few days ago, a colleague, whom I do not know well at all (she called me the wrong name half the day, which demonstrates how not close we are...), got super excited when she realized I was pregnant. Very nice, very sweet, whatever. THEN she proceeded to place both hands on my belly and pray loudly for the baby. 1) I'm not a fan of being touched by people I'm not close with. 2) We work in a hospital. We were in the operating room with a case going on. Not really the right time. 3) I'm not religious, so...... Inappropriate on so many levels. 
    gbud630expatmom39fromcatstokids
  • mamahmh2mamahmh2
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    @acgx woaaah, you poor thing. How freaking awkward. I’m not super religious and I know people mean well when they pray out loud for me, but I find it to be the most awkward thing ever. 
    How did you handle that?

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  • acgxacgx
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    @mamahmh2 - Pretty much the same way - I know she had good intentions, but it was just so awkward. I stood there for a few seconds and then stepped back and pretended to be busy doing something. Then I complained a lot to my friends at lunch  :#
  • expatmom39expatmom39
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    @ketomommy That bitch!! Wtf asking about a parking space and then insensitively prodding to find a justification...about something that would be so personal! Who asks if “something is wrong with the baby”? If that was an attempt at compassion or interest, it was a sad flop!

    @acgx I can’t believe you handled that so nicely. That level of religious ignorance is unbearable to me. Like whatever she believes is automatically great for everyone, and she didn’t even have the sense to ask permission. And she got both hands on you! I shiver to think of what my pregnant reaction would have been. People like that seem to need strong, bad feedback from life to realize where boundaries are. It’s shocking to me!

    I guess I just get to be mad for you all since no one has gotten on my nerves with comments in a while! 😂 The comments about belly size and weight gain are really insane, too! Like being pregnant makes you a cartoon with no feelings about the comments! 😠

    acgx
  • We were at a family party yesterday, and I was talking with my SIL. She was saying how cool it must be to feel the baby, and she can’t imagine what that’s like, and going through labor, and how she will probably be a mess whenever her and my brother decide to have kids. My mom overheard our conversation and walks over and tells her it’ll be fine when her time comes, and then out of no where, she tells SIL that I was going to ask if she wants to be in the delivery room when I have the baby. I have never once made any mention of asking her to be in the delivery room!! I was caught so off guard, I didn’t even respond lol. After the fact I told my mom that I have never mentioned SIL being in the room, and even if I had, it was my place to talk to her about it!! Thankfully SIL could tell that my mom might have been talking out of place and just shrugged it off. Love my mom, but talk about overstepping boundaries!!
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  • Went to a wedding yesterday. Not all comments were about my pregnancy but I got so fed up with every comment made 

    1. “You’re pregnant pregnant!” 
    2. “You’re about to pop!” 
    3. “Lola sounds like a strippers name” 
    4. Someone asked my husband if he was sure both of my boys were his. 😑 
    5. Someone also told my husband they weren’t sure how he got me bc I was so pretty. Like excuse me??? That’s so rude to say. Like you just called my husband ugly to his face? Wtf 
    gbud630
  • leylea89leylea89
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    @bartonolivia did your husband get offended at #5? Because I know people don’t mean it that way. A lot of men openly say they don’t know how they got such a beautiful wife so I think maybe people just think it’s ok to say (it’s dumb though and shouldn’tt be). I’d be offended at the son’s one for sure and probably punch someone and ask if they’re sure that’s their black eye 😂. 

    Lately any any time I say I’m 7 months pregnant people say “oh you can’t tell!” Or “you’re so small though!”

    and really I’m actually pretty proud of my bump. The problem is they see me with my work apron on and can’t see the bump as well because of my large melons. I don’t know why people think commentary on your size is necessary regardless. I might also feel sensitive because I’m tall and heavy set so I know I’m not gonna show like a more petite woman would. I don’t really need people pointing it out.
    gbud630
  • ketomommyketomommy
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    @expatmom39 I think she is nosy, but, it's really not something you ask.  On Friday, I was talking to another co-worker about my 2.5 y.o.'s OT.  She came over and asked why my daughter was in OT.  First of all, again, if I wanted to share, I would have. Second of all, she was probably the only person who didn't remember that last month I ran out of a mandatory all staff meeting crying because my daughter fell off the playground at day care.  It's like she wants to know, but doesn't actually care.
  • @leylea89 he wasn’t offended but it bothered me because people came up to us randomly saying that he was going around telling other people the same thing (still about me & him, just to other people) lol 
  • cindlercindler
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    People seem to be more willing to make comment to DH than to me.  On more than one occasion he has told me so-and-so says I don't even look pregnant.  My response to him is always "I guess I just look fat then, because I'm certainly bigger than I was 7 months ago."  He just brushes it off, but those comments always seem to irk me.  I will never shoot the messenger (especially when he's my husband!) but come on people, if we tell you I'm pregnant, the odds are I'M PROBABLY PREGNANT!
    indulgentgypsy
  • CbeanzCbeanz
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    leylea89 said:
    The problem is they see me with my work apron on and can’t see the bump as well because of my large melons. 
    Lolololol 🍈 🍈 🍉 🍉!!!!!!!!!
  • @nolemomma14 Oh my gosh! I would kill my mom! You can't invite people into someone else's delivery room! Thank goodness SIL seemed to understand. 
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