My mom is on the worst-case-scenario train. I had pre-e pretty severely last time with DD, and my mom is all "I don't think I can't not be there; I almost lost you last time" which isn't entirely true, but she's got her self all worked about it.
I told her I needed her to take care of DD. DH, DD, and I live with my mom, so it's going to be the easiest on everyone if my mom is DD's caretaker. I told her she can find other people for DD to stay with (we have a great neighbor who is basically another grandmother to DD, so someplace like that), but I need my mom to be in charge of it so I can focus and me and getting to the hospital. I did say as many people as they wanted could come chill in the waiting room, and between DH and my doula we'll keep them posted.
Luckily hospital policy is only 2 people at a time once I'm in active labor, and DH and my doula will have those slots covered, so there isn't much space to argue. And with DD, she was rushed to the NICU and my blood pressure was still pretty elevated, so I didn't get to hold or see her for 8 hours. My entire family got to see her and hold her before I did. I won't have that again, if I can help it. This little guy is going to be either up against my chest or his dad's for as long as we can. I just hope my family can understand when I say I don't want all the company I had last time (then, it was a nice distraction from the fact that my baby was across the hospital without me), but that this time, I need time with just DH, and eventually DD when it's a safe time to have her up. I'm pretty sure I won't want anyone but us four for a while. We'll see how it goes. Everyone is local though, so if I change my mind and want company, it's not like they'll have to rearrange their lives to come see us.
Countdown to Baby H! Mommy to Elizabeth (6/18/09), preemie at 34 weeks
My parents came right to the hospital when I went in with DS- I was having surgery (c section) and they wanted to be there. Also, I was the only one in recovery so they allowed my parents to come into recovery with our okay- it didn't take away from our bonding experience, I still did skin to skin and latched baby. my mom offered to leave after they saw him but I didn't find breast feeding in front of them to be weird so I told them they could stay. I would have maybe been a little timid with my boob hanging out for Hs dad had been there.
This time around my parents will most ill most likely be at the hospital again while I go into surgery as I have more risks this time. And also if this baby comes early I know my husband won't leave me if the baby goes to the NICU and I'm hoping that if that happens my mom can go with baby or come in the OR with me while H goes. I have to ask my OB. But as we get closer to 35 weeks so does the possibility of the NICU thankfully.
DH and I decided to tell everyone once we are admitted to the hospital. Our moms want to be in the waiting room (which I am fine with because I made sure they understood that they would not be allowed in the room until we had time with our little girl for a couple of hours). Part of me would like to wait to tell them once she is here but I hesitate just because *TW* my mind always goes to worst case scenario. And what if something happens to the baby or me while in labor and DH was completely alone afterwards and/or our family was resentful that they weren't there when something tragic happens.
As long as everyone understands that they will not be allowed in the room until we say so, then I am fine with them wasting time sitting in the waiting room.
Then we'll tell everyone she is here (friends that want to come see us in the hospital) once we've settled in our recovery room and are prepared for visitors.
I would much rather have a ton eof visitors at the hospital versus everyone trying to come to my house once we're home so I figure we might as well get it over wiht.
@emmaaa All of this is exactly my plan, with the exception of my sister. We're really close and she's my biggest supporter, so I'll probably tell her once labor starts. I'm not sure what my MIL's expectations are since we rarely speak now (which has been great btw), but st some point I guess I need to have my H relay to her that she can hang out at the hospital if she wants, but she won't see the baby for at least 2 hours after she's born. And I also agree about visitors. Would rather them come to the hospital because once we get home I don't want to have to worry about anything other than bonding and taking care of my baby!
I'm so glad my family has zero interest in being present during labor or delivery. I'm not even allowing anyone but my son, parents, and MIL come visit while we're in the hospital. My BIL and nieces want to come but I said no, they can come see him at home.
ETA: Oh, and my husband's best friend asked if she could visit us in the hospital and I said yes to her because 1) she's godmother and 2) she lives pretty far away. The hospital is much closer for her to come visit us and she's family anyway. Lol
I want everyone to visit in the hospital so that they aren't in my house looking to be entertained when I'm trying to recover. I just don't want them there for delivery, lol.
Me: 32 & DH: 37
Married: November 2014
TTC #1 Since: October 2015
BFP #1: 11/18/15 - CP BFP #2: 2/8/16 - EDD 10/20/16 IT'S A BOY!!!! DS Born 10/16/16
Everyone's comments have made me rethink my approach. I had been thinking it would be easier to have people come to the house once I've had some bonding time and a few days to recover in the hospital, but maybe people will not be inclined to stay as long if they come at the hospital. BTDT moms, what did you do?
Everyone's comments have made me rethink my approach. I had been thinking it would be easier to have people come to the house once I've had some bonding time and a few days to recover in the hospital, but maybe people will not be inclined to stay as long if they come at the hospital. BTDT moms, what did you do?
I just didn't want people at the hospital while I was laboring. After they were ok to come, but I was also ok with it in part b/c DS was in the nursery with no visitors allowed - meaning that in the midst of cold/flu season, no one got to touch my baby with their germy hands
But here's the thing in the end you guys - the people who want to come visit at the hospital are the same people who are going to want to come visit you at your house. So really it's up to you, as far as how much social stuff you feel you can deal with. Because they will come over again....and again.
Really the best approach (I found, after having a meltdown after friends came by, stayed from like 7pm til MIDNIGHT and we freaking FED them) is to set clear/polite expectations to visitors before they come to yuor house - ie:
Them: "HI! How's the baby, we want to come by tomorrow is that ok??" You: "We would love to see you, we are finding we have stamina for an hour or two for visiting now! So great. bring chicken."
Then when they come by, reinforce the "1-2 hours" thing, unless you change your mind. Don't be like me and spend the next 21 months bitter and annoyed by clueless people.
Everyone's comments have made me rethink my approach. I had been thinking it would be easier to have people come to the house once I've had some bonding time and a few days to recover in the hospital, but maybe people will not be inclined to stay as long if they come at the hospital. BTDT moms, what did you do?
Our birthing center here is fairly strict on the visiting house which are only 4:00-7:00. Immediate family like other children, grandparents they're okay with as long as your quiet and mom and baby don't need rest. It's actually surprising how boring it really is and our hospital is so small there is no where to get good food so people brought us food and drinks. They feed mom but hospital food is crap. I liked having some visitors at the hospital cause then at home I didn't feel bad saying no if they had already seen us. I just used a simple text along the lines of: I'm not feeling up for any company right now. Baby had a tough night and I'm pretty sore and tired still. I'll let you know when I'm feeling up for a visit, hopefully in a few days I'll be feeling a bit better. If they can't respect that type of reply then too bad and that few days I mentioned will likely be a few weeks. I was lucky enough with my first two that nobody just dropped by without asking, and now that we are in this house and can park inside nobody will know if we are home or not due to the layout of our house too, and I just won't answer the door.
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I didn't mind visitors at the hospital but everyone gave me notice and didn't stay for long. I deliver in the city and it's not a great ride, like 40 minutes with no traffic. So a few of my girlfriends came in a group which was nice.
It can be a little overwhelming if your LO wants to nurse 24/7 like mine did but if you don't mind people in the room for it, then that's great! But don't be afraid to say okay, you gotta go!
Re: Weekly Randoms 9/19
I told her I needed her to take care of DD. DH, DD, and I live with my mom, so it's going to be the easiest on everyone if my mom is DD's caretaker. I told her she can find other people for DD to stay with (we have a great neighbor who is basically another grandmother to DD, so someplace like that), but I need my mom to be in charge of it so I can focus and me and getting to the hospital. I did say as many people as they wanted could come chill in the waiting room, and between DH and my doula we'll keep them posted.
Luckily hospital policy is only 2 people at a time once I'm in active labor, and DH and my doula will have those slots covered, so there isn't much space to argue. And with DD, she was rushed to the NICU and my blood pressure was still pretty elevated, so I didn't get to hold or see her for 8 hours. My entire family got to see her and hold her before I did. I won't have that again, if I can help it. This little guy is going to be either up against my chest or his dad's for as long as we can. I just hope my family can understand when I say I don't want all the company I had last time (then, it was a nice distraction from the fact that my baby was across the hospital without me), but that this time, I need time with just DH, and eventually DD when it's a safe time to have her up. I'm pretty sure I won't want anyone but us four for a while. We'll see how it goes. Everyone is local though, so if I change my mind and want company, it's not like they'll have to rearrange their lives to come see us.
Mommy to Elizabeth (6/18/09), preemie at 34 weeks
Team Blue!
Im also with you on visitors to the hospital. Come on everyone so y'all don't come to my house later!
DH: 34
Married: May 2011
TTC #1: May 2015
DS: 10/20/2016
TTC #2: June 2019
#2 EDD: 2/20/2020
This time around my parents will most ill most likely be at the hospital again while I go into surgery as I have more risks this time. And also if this baby comes early I know my husband won't leave me if the baby goes to the NICU and I'm hoping that if that happens my mom can go with baby or come in the OR with me while H goes. I have to ask my OB. But as we get closer to 35 weeks so does the possibility of the NICU thankfully.
ETA: Oh, and my husband's best friend asked if she could visit us in the hospital and I said yes to her because 1) she's godmother and 2) she lives pretty far away. The hospital is much closer for her to come visit us and she's family anyway. Lol
Me: 32 & DH: 37
BFP #2: 2/8/16 - EDD 10/20/16
IT'S A BOY!!!!
DS Born 10/16/16
But here's the thing in the end you guys - the people who want to come visit at the hospital are the same people who are going to want to come visit you at your house. So really it's up to you, as far as how much social stuff you feel you can deal with. Because they will come over again....and again.
Really the best approach (I found, after having a meltdown after friends came by, stayed from like 7pm til MIDNIGHT and we freaking FED them) is to set clear/polite expectations to visitors before they come to yuor house - ie:
Them: "HI! How's the baby, we want to come by tomorrow is that ok??"
You: "We would love to see you, we are finding we have stamina for an hour or two for visiting now! So great. bring chicken."
Then when they come by, reinforce the "1-2 hours" thing, unless you change your mind. Don't be like me and spend the next 21 months bitter and annoyed by clueless people.
I just used a simple text along the lines of: I'm not feeling up for any company right now. Baby had a tough night and I'm pretty sore and tired still. I'll let you know when I'm feeling up for a visit, hopefully in a few days I'll be feeling a bit better. If they can't respect that type of reply then too bad and that few days I mentioned will likely be a few weeks. I was lucky enough with my first two that nobody just dropped by without asking, and now that we are in this house and can park inside nobody will know if we are home or not due to the layout of our house too, and I just won't answer the door.
It can be a little overwhelming if your LO wants to nurse 24/7 like mine did but if you don't mind people in the room for it, then that's great! But don't be afraid to say okay, you gotta go!