Unpopular Opinions (9/3)

wisco29 · September 2015

opinions that are unpopular to others.

Twindling · September 2015

I'm probably going to get a lot of backlash for this but perhaps someone can change my views

I think the term "single mom" is used much too loosely. If you get your kids 50-60% of the time and receive a lump sum of child support....I don't really consider you a single mom (other than the obvious that you aren't currently seeing someone).

This mainly stems from my male BFF who gets his daughter 50-50 and pays mom $580 a month (more than our mortgage) in child support and she's always going on and on about how hard it is being a single mom.

Some days I would really love being a single mom. *gasp*

Achae · September 2015

@Twindling wow if only motherhood just meant collecting a paycheck. You seem to be completely missing the point.

Achae · September 2015

My uo is I don't understand the appeal of Five Guys. The burgers taste nothing fancy, the fries are meh, and imo they are pricey for a burger. I would take a Wendy's burger over Five Guys lol.

Monkeybutt80 · September 2015

@wisco29 love love love that gif.

@Twindling I don't think I ever thought about that term, other than thinking that it must be terribly difficult to do it alone without a spouse whether they have the child full time or only 50%. I'm honestly curious, what do you think should be the correct term for someone who isn't with the father of the child but shares the custody and financial burden with the father? Is there a term that already exist?

wisco29 · September 2015

Achae said:
My uo is I don't understand the appeal of Five Guys. The burgers taste nothing fancy, the fries are meh, and imo they are pricey for a burger. I would take a Wendy's burger over Five Guys lol.

Agree! When we moved here everyone said try 5 guys. Well I went there with dd and it was just a burger and some fries. There are a lot of places I would rather go for a delicious burger, actually I think culverts might be better than them.

wisco29 · September 2015

Uo: I don't think we should EVER have a gender/sex disappointment thread pinned here. If you are disappointed in masses either go check out December 15 or go make a group somewhere else!!
You can be stressed, sad or whatever you want but your birth month board where there are sooooo many women with fertility issues, losses, and more is NoT the place to be sad that you're having a healthy beautiful little boy or girl over the opposite.

Monkeybutt80 · September 2015

Nooooo. Five guys is sooo good. I agree that it's not fancy but it's greasy deliciousness. And the fries! They are the closest you can get to boardwalk fries in my opinion.

Twindling · September 2015

I'm not discrediting anyone here. I think it would be incredibly difficult. Being a married parent is incredibly difficult to.

I think too many people confuse single parenting with co parenting. In my eyes, they are two very different things.

Idk. I just have always wondered what the women who are truly single (no 50-50, no child support, no involvement from anyone else) think of the women who have all that and still consider themselves single.

Kiek · September 2015

wisco29 said:
Uo: I don't think we should EVER have a gender/sex disappointment thread pinned here. If you are disappointed in masses either go check out December 15 or go make a group somewhere else!!
You can be stressed, sad or whatever you want but your birth month board where there are sooooo many women with fertility issues, losses, and more is NoT the place to be sad that you're having a healthy beautiful little boy or girl over the opposite.

This^^^°110% this!!! So many families struggle with fertility and loss. It is upsetting to see someone upset because their child isn't the sex they were hoping for. How about we celebrate the new life growing and coming into our families and not worry about whether it had boy or girl parts. *steps off Soap box*

Monkeybutt80 · September 2015

But @wisco29 I'm sooo disappointed that it's not a monkey in my belly! Where should I file my grievances on species disappointment!?!?

But seriously, I agree. Originally coming from a culture that really values sons over daughters, I was also somewhat disgusted by my extended family's over excitement of my first being a boy last time. They were saying thinks like how lucky I am to be giving my parents a grandson, so and so in the family never had boys, disappointing their grandparents and such. I understand that they were happy for me, but I hated how much emphasis they put on the sex of the baby I was having.

kbedfox · September 2015

@Achae Five Guys is gross! You can't eat it without getting grease all over your hands and the toppings sliding around/falling out. Pass. And the fries are mediocre at best. Chickfila waffle fries on the other hand... :x

This is more a FFFC but I love watching this thread and side-eyeing the crap out of some posts. Good reads on a slow day at work!

Twindling · September 2015

Google agrees.

Achae · September 2015

Twindling said:
Google agrees.

Those are not mutually exclusive definitions. Just because someone doesn't have a partner doesn't mean they don't have to share custody. I consider partner in an emotional/physical sense like dating. I also think it would be very rare for a woman to have a child and have no monetary support / no support raising the children from anyone.
In your scenario daycare could be seen as sharing custody.

ohbaby714 · September 2015

Okay here is my UO and maybe someone can help me change it/understand why it's like this. Kind of going off @Twindling I think if you have 50/50 custody of your kids, neither one of the parents should have to pay child support. I understand splitting the costs of healthcare/daycare misc. expenses but as far as a regular child support check? Nope.

One of my best friends has his daughter 50% of the time and pays his ex wife almost $600/mo in child support. Plus he carries their daughter on his health insurance. I guess I'm just looking for insight on this. Doesn't make sense to me at all. Please don't flame me lol.

Achae · September 2015

@ohbaby714 I think the reasoning there is they grow accustomed to a certain type of lifestyle. It would be difficult if one parent got to take child to all these amazing things and buy them new toys etc and then go to other parent's house and it's ramen every night, you don't get to do toy or clothes shopping or have friends over for parties etc.

Don't get me started on alimony though!

ohbaby714 · September 2015

Monkeybutt80 said:
@wisco29 love love love that gif.

@Twindling I don't think I ever thought about that term, other than thinking that it must be terribly difficult to do it alone without a spouse whether they have the child full time or only 50%. I'm honestly curious, what do you think should be the correct term for someone who isn't with the father of the child but shares the custody and financial burden with the father? Is there a term that already exist?

This. I think even though you have 50/50 custody the time you do have your child you are still doing it alone, hence the single mother thing and that has the be extremely difficult. H's busy season at work usually lasts about a month and a half and he works anywhere from 12-16 hours a day 7 days a week and it is so difficult having DD basically by myself for that time. I can't imagine doing it like that all the time.

Another UO probably, I think the term single father is underused. Dads don't get enough credit a lot of the time and it makes me sad.

ohbaby714 · September 2015

Achae said:
@ohbaby714 I think the reasoning there is they grow accustomed to a certain type of lifestyle. It would be difficult if one parent got to take child to all these amazing things and buy them new toys etc and then go to other parent's house and it's ramen every night, you don't get to do toy or clothes shopping or have friends over for parties etc.

Don't get me started on alimony though!

I can kind of see this, but what determines how much extra money you need per month to keep up with the other parent? I'm genuinely asking, not being snarky. I didn't know if there is a formula they use for these situations or how that even works.

It just seems like in my experience of people I know (which I know is extremely limited in the grand scheme of things) one parent or the other is getting completely ripped off.

ETA, the alimony thing. Uff. I think that is extremely selfish and would never do that. BUT my mom had a friend whose husband was very controlling and wouldn't let her work or hardly ever leave the house unless it was with him. When she finally got enough nerve to divorce him she did get go for alimony for I think a year so she could get back on her feet and try and find a job since he obviously got the house since she had no way of paying the mortgage.

Twindling · September 2015

I just want to put it out there too so people don't get the completely wrong impression of me that I respect and support all single moms and moms who are co parenting. Your job is very difficult and I know that. I can't imagine doing it.

Single parents and co parents are similar but not the same, TO ME.
Much like the large majority of people who use the term "gender" in place of "sex". To many they mean the same...but TO ME, they are very different and shouldn't me used interchangeably.

Ps. I'm having a hard time seeing your point on the daycare being shared custody. I'm not raising anyone else's kids here.

DaisyTortilla · September 2015

Single Parents- It's a bit of a stickler for me. DH grew up with his "single mom", she was divorced but constantly jumping from guy to guy. She would receive over $700 for DH and sister, plus she had 2 jobs. Well she was never home, she never had food at home, I mean 0 food. They mainly lived off of microwave baked potatoes and burnt ramen noodles. If she wasn't home, which was most of the time, they would go "play" at their neighbors so they could have dinner there. They went from neighbor to neighbor or to grandmas. If none of them happened to be home, they had to dig through the couch to get $1 and go buy a plate of fries and share them. Lord knows where the mom was spending the money from work and child support. They never had clothes, food, electric or heat (and they lived in a snowy state) or water. It is sad, how Some Parents abuse child support. With that said, I am with @ohbaby714, sometimes DH works 12-14 hrs a day everyday for 3-4 months. Life is tough for me alone in those days. I think child support is needed but it should used for the children. Single parenting, yeah I guess I always thought of it like, you don't get support or share custody, it's just you by your lonesome.
@monkeybutt80 - my family also glorifies boys, is disgusting and I hate. During BBQ men sit and eat first before women. It's ridiculous. Then we eat leftovers. Not anymore I don't, I went and sat with them and said, I'm not a second class citizen just because I'm a women! I'm hungry damn it! Needless to say I'm the blacksheep of the family and I love it!

Five guys: I've always wanted to try, now I don't. Lol

My UO: I do not really care if people breastfeed in public, I don't really do it, but I understand, sometimes baby is just hungry!

Zipping up flame suit!

VitaLuna · September 2015

@Twindling At first I was side eyeing, but you do bring up a good point with the 50/50. If mom is calling herself a single mom, shouldn't dad also be able to call himself a single dad? In theory, yes, but I'm guessing society would roll their eyes or laugh at him, which really isn't right if we're being fair here. Something to think about.

My mom was a single mom for 13yrs. She got child support and we went with my dad every other weekend and one evening a week. I know she struggled. You have no backup for help with dinner, getting kids to bed, housework, anything. I have a lot of respect for her and other agile parents.

ohbaby714 · September 2015

@VitaLuna totally about the single dad thing. I feel like the single dads are so under appreciated and get side eyed when they refer to themselves as such. I just think it's so awesome when dads step up and go above and beyond for their kids. I know moms do it all the time too but it's just so unexpected when dads do it so I think that's why I love it so much.

Monkeybutt80 · September 2015

@DaisyTortilla I totally get what you are saying. It's really sad that even in this day and age, stuff like that exists in many cultures. I was pregnant with my first, my mom told me that my aunt (my dad's sister) was vocally jealous of the fact that my mom got a grandson and that she only had a granddaughter. The saddest part is that my cousin (that aunt's daughter) struggled with infertility for 7 years. 7 freaking years, she saw her daughter go through all sorts of treatments to get pregnant, but all she could think about was how it was a girl and not a boy. It disgusted me.

Luckily, my husband (who isn't from my culture) grew up with especially non stereotypical gender role family - his mom was going through residency when he was young, so he was used to having his dad cook and do half of the house choirs. So my husband and I also split our housework in a non gender stereotypical way (I cook, he does the dishes, we split laundry, and whoever can will take out the trash and such) and I hope to install that type of mentality for my son and for this daughter that is arriving in feb.

mcklough · September 2015

I'm so sick of people thinking they are political experts because they read 1 article and shared a meme on facebook.

Twindling · September 2015

mcklough said:
I'm so sick of people thinking they are political experts because they read 1 article and shared a meme on facebook.

Totally not unpopular here!!

DaisyTortilla · September 2015

@monkeybutt80 - Wow! That is so sad! My family has always said, don't expect anything in our will, all our houses go to your brother. You need to get someone to provide for you. I was like 5 and I was like, "yeah okay, whatevers." I am Mexican and it is well known that Mexican cultures glorify men, I even see it on TV and videos. I always face palm when I see that.
When I had DD (she's the first born) DH was upset, he wanted a boy "to protect our future younger daughters". I told him "are you serious? My bro is older and I have a better chance at kicking someone's ass and protecting him!" He laughed and understood. Luckily he is also like your DH and we share chores, except cooking because we tried that, it was a major fail. Lol.

Monkeybutt80 · September 2015

Here's my UO.

I lived up north (NY& CT) for 8 years and now have been in VA for 12 years. In my opinion the south does not have good bread products. Bagels and pizza down here are horrible; subs/hoagies aren't much better, but no one here (other than northern transplants) seem to notice the difference. Pizzas down here are doughy awful mess. and bagels are pretty much just dense bread shaped like bagels.

Of course, on the other hand it's hard to find good grits, greens, spoon bread or biscuits up north, but I really miss good pizza.

bad pizza:

Good pizza:

pbtoast · September 2015

@monkeybutt80 I now want a piece of pizza from this place I used to love in Brooklyn SO bad. We have nothing like that in Michigan, either. Doughy mess, like you said.

tigeraj8170 · September 2015

I'm with @Twindling single mom/dad and co-parenting are similar but not the same. I support single parents/co-parenting parents, but to me, there is a difference.
For the first year and a half of my son's life, I considered myself a single parent. I was home with him all the time, doing everything with him, while my husband was gone from 3 to 4 weeks 24/7 and then home for maybe 4 to 5 days, because he was an over the road truck driver.

@mcklough - or believing everything single thing they read. "It was on Facebook so it MUST be true." I'm sick of seeing the political posts on my news feed.

@Achae I have no clue what Five Guys is, but from the sounds of it, I wouldn't be able to eat there. My tummy will protest if I eat anything with too much grease in it.

I had an UO...then I completely forgot what it was writing everything else. So, if I remeber, I'll update this. Lol! :-)

wisco29 · September 2015

@Monkeybutt80 I love both of those kinds! I love some huge thick topping filled pizzas and I love some thin one topping pizzas! Mmmm left over pizza in the fridge for lunch!!

Looks sort of like this mmmmm

AdventureMama · September 2015

If a woman is single, AKA not in a serious relationship, and has a child that she takes care of, she is a single mom. Same goes for men. Financial support and sharing custody does not magically make someone not a single parent... Single parenting and co-parenting are not mutually exclusive. When mom (or dad) has the child, he/she is single parenting... doing it alone. I don't understand trying to dissect the term, it seems pretty simple to me.

Monkeybutt80 · September 2015

@wisco29 what is that?!? I have never seen pizza that is filled in the middle with toppings like that. To me, a stuffed pizza is a calzone, but this is something I have never seen. I am intrigued and kinda grossed out at the same time

AdventureMama · September 2015

Monkeybutt80 said:

@wisco29 what is that?!? I have never seen pizza that is filled in the middle with toppings like that. To me, a stuffed pizza is a calzone, but this is something I have never seen. I am intrigued and kinda grossed out at the same time

That looks to me like a Papa Murphy's stuffed pizza. They are VERY good. But I don't discriminate, I love all types of pizza..

AdventureMama · September 2015

My UO is that I will actively discourage (I don't want to say "won't allow", but...) my children to play football. I'm cool with almost any activity or sport they want to do, but football is incredibly dangerous and while I enjoy watching it on TV, I would not want to let my child participate. We'll see if they're even interested. I hope not! Baseball, anyone? Dance? Track?

*Of course other sports offer a possibility of getting injured, but nothing like football, where you're intentionally letting your child get tackled on a regular basis. The amount of head injuries alone is enough to give me pause.

inomniaparatus · September 2015

Pizza!

mamacastro · September 2015

My UO is based on observation. Last night I was watching a ball game on tv with H. We couldn't help but notice in the stands no one was actually watching the game but were looking down being engulfed in their phones. How sad when you can't even go to the ball game and enjoy it because you're too attached to your phone. IMO its a sad state of affairs when society spends more time on their phones than IRL. Maybe its just living here in so. California where walking on the street people bump into you because they're texting/walking and don't look up, anyways its a great big amazing world out there, put your phone down and go experience it

Monkeybutt80 · September 2015

AdventureMama said:

My UO is that I will actively discourage (I don't want to say "won't allow", but...) my children to play football. I'm cool with almost any activity or sport they want to do, but football is incredibly dangerous and while I enjoy watching it on TV, I would not want to let my child participate. We'll see if they're even interested. I hope not! Baseball, anyone? Dance? Track?

*Of course other sports offer a possibility of getting injured, but nothing like football, where you're intentionally letting your child get tackled on a regular basis. The amount of head injuries alone is enough to give me pause.

I never even thought about it before I had my first, but when my husband and I were talking about signing our 2 year old up for some sort of fall league (we will probably do soccer), he flat out said no football. EVER. I never knew pee wee football also does tackle. In my naive head, I thought they did touch football or flag football. Apparently, it's full on contact, even at that age. Once I heard about that, I 100% agreed with my husband.

VitaLuna · September 2015

My UO.. I often do a mental eye roll when I see people talking about being "gluten intolerant" or "gluten free". Yes, there are people with legitimate allergies (i.e.. celiac disease), but I feel like the majority of people are following some trend/fad that they think is healthier (news flash, cookies are still cookies, whether they're gluten free or not!) I feel bad for people that are legitimately allergic (diagnosed by a doctor) that their illness is minimized by a bunch of people thinking it's "cool" to be GF.

kbedfox · September 2015

Now I want all the pizza

( There's only one good place in our town (also in VA) but nothing like the pizza from the mom and pop shops we're used to up north. @AdventureMama I had Papa Murphy's for the first time in Minnesota and was distraught to find out we don't have one close. The cheeseburger pizza was life changing!

strlitemiss · September 2015

@monkeybutt18 Neapolitan crust 4 lyfe!!! ( that's the thin yummy crusted pizza if you don't).

Monkeybutt80 · September 2015

@strlitemiss oh yeah, I know exactly what you are talking about. The puffed up, slightly charred bubbly crust? yummmm

ETA:

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