February 2016 Moms
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Unpopular Opinions (9/3)

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Re: Unpopular Opinions (9/3)

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    I really want this topic to just die already... but I do feel the need to say something here since I didn't ask for a WK to come in and also didn't ask for someone to attack me- yet again, after I thought this was put to rest. 
    Plenty of women come on here and ask opinions on certain products- be it a crib, a stroller, etc. I didn't start a thread saying "Hey guys, look at this thousand dollar crib, I'm buying!" I started a thread asking if anyone had any experience with cribs from a particular place and if their babies happened to use the crib. Plenty of women come on here an ask questions about their shower menu. I was concerned about the drink options. Plenty of women come on here and mention how much things cost - in general. I don't feel like I'm not entirely to blame when I say things like the milk comment. That wasn't well thought out, I admit. I hate that I offended anyone with that. But, there are many instances where I've been chastised for doing the SAME thing other people do because the things I talk about happen to cost more money. 

    I remember the first time it happened too... someone said they were disgusted (or a word similar, it was a while back so can't remember perfectly) about a friend of theirs spending $700 on gender reveal party. Everyone jumped on the bandwagon of hating on this girl for spending money so frivolously and how over the top and tacky it was. I am doing a gender reveal and this made me feel bad. I came in and said how I can totally see how something like that can cost that much. Why so much hate towards how people choose to spend their money? I just don't understand it a lot of the time. 

    There, have been other times where I've seen where I was wrong and I always apologize and cop to it. But, I do stand by the fact that I do think there is some hating that goes on here if you don't happen to spend money how the majority of the board does. 
    I haven't been a part of any of the other things so I cannot comment on those. Personally to me attacking people either way isn't ok - the comments I read on here weren't attacking you for spending money it was for saying things that came across as condescending and judgy of others - you have already addressed that to an extent. Adventuremama was bringing up that you are playing the victim, if you honestly just apologized for how things came across and said you didn't mean it to I'm sure no one would have a problem - but you don't, you blame it on you having money and us judging you which says that you are assuming all of us have less than you. Basically at that point any "understanding" goes out the window.

    To touch briefly on what I have read else where  - some of the things you continue to say still come across as you kind of get it but then fall back into the same thing of talking about how pricey things are and why anyone would not do that is beyond you - be aware of wording because after a while people will feel your understanding in insincere. 

    The safe bet would be to not mention how expensive stuff is and to not say things about how you can't imagine why people wouldn't only do ____. Stop and think, is this about  money, is this assuming everyone has a certain amount to spend, before posting completely and problem solved!

    Also that's just my take on your stuff from someone who has observed but been very detached from it all. I hold  much more of an issue with tooba22 - the reason I posted in the first place, not to go after you.
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    xkatiekx said:
    @inomniaparatus I think you're still missing the point. It's not what you choose to talk about, it's HOW you do it. Everything with you seems to be about money or status. I think the majority of the people here find it odd that you continue to fit in money or your "lifestyle" with comments and it comes across as snooty. You have every right to spend your money how you see fit. Other people here have every right to spend their money how they see fit. It's been mentioned several times that the way you portray yourself comes across as an attempt to brag. It's hard to relate and have a conversation about something as simple as a crib or a menu when it looks like an attention grab because of the way you do things. It's eye roll worthy when you pass judgement on others because of how they may choose to spend their grocery money, and I see that you've apologized. If you can recognize that post may have come across wrong you should take a moment to think how future posts could come across and maybe this can be avoided.
    I agree that I will definitely take a moment before posting and take into consideration how they come across - a lot of people on here can prob benefit from doing that. But, I really don't see how me asking a question about a brand of crib can come across as an attempt to brag. It turned into a conversation about how much the crib costs because others brought it up- not me. I don't think that was fair. I was asking about safety ratings! 

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    I haven't been a part of any of the other things so I cannot comment on those. Personally to me attacking people either way isn't ok - the comments I read on here weren't attacking you for spending money it was for saying things that came across as condescending and judgy of others - you have already addressed that to an extent. Adventuremama was bringing up that you are playing the victim, if you honestly just apologized for how things came across and said you didn't mean it to I'm sure no one would have a problem - but you don't, you blame it on you having money and us judging you which says that you are assuming all of us have less than you. Basically at that point any "understanding" goes out the window.

    To touch briefly on what I have read else where  - some of the things you continue to say still come across as you kind of get it but then fall back into the same thing of talking about how pricey things are and why anyone would not do that is beyond you - be aware of wording because after a while people will feel your understanding in insincere. 

    The safe bet would be to not mention how expensive stuff is and to not say things about how you can't imagine why people wouldn't only do ____. Stop and think, is this about  money, is this assuming everyone has a certain amount to spend, before posting completely and problem solved!

    Also that's just my take on your stuff from someone who has observed but been very detached from it all. I hold  much more of an issue with tooba22 - the reason I posted in the first place, not to go after you.
    FYI I totally get it on the milk thing- I wasn't thinking and it was dumb. But, I then got called out for my comments on other threads, and I was more referring to those instances than the milk thing. 

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    @inomniaparatus  - The issue is that you keep apologizing or saying you get it about the other things you say but then do it again on a different topic. After the fourth time people say bs the moment they see it and that is why the perception continues to be that you are flaunting your supposed status. 
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    xkatiekxxkatiekx member
    edited September 2015


    xkatiekx said:

    @inomniaparatus I think you're still missing the point. It's not what you choose to talk about, it's HOW you do it. Everything with you seems to be about money or status. I think the majority of the people here find it odd that you continue to fit in money or your "lifestyle" with comments and it comes across as snooty.

    You have every right to spend your money how you see fit. Other people here have every right to spend their money how they see fit. It's been mentioned several times that the way you portray yourself comes across as an attempt to brag. It's hard to relate and have a conversation about something as simple as a crib or a menu when it looks like an attention grab because of the way you do things.

    It's eye roll worthy when you pass judgement on others because of how they may choose to spend their grocery money, and I see that you've apologized. If you can recognize that post may have come across wrong you should take a moment to think how future posts could come across and maybe this can be avoided.

    I agree that I will definitely take a moment before posting and take into consideration how they come across - a lot of people on here can prob benefit from doing that. But, I really don't see how me asking a question about a brand of crib can come across as an attempt to brag. It turned into a conversation about how much the crib costs because others brought it up- not me. I don't think that was fair. I was asking about safety ratings! 

    ---------- edit for quote fail

    You very well may have been trying to get safety ratings and ask a genuine question. I can't make that determination and don't care to. I think in general a lot of the comments you make appear to be very money centered and over the top about your lifestyle. I think there are women on here that could relate to you better if things didn't always come across as you judging how others use their money including information that makes money the main focus of your post...like the crib and menu stuff.

    I'll admit it's really easy to pass a judgement over the Internet but that's another reason to be aware of what you're portraying with your online presence.
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    Generally speaking people come from all different walks of life on this forum. Diversity should be expected & embraced not explained. IMO I would prefer to see RH cribs and posts about fancy baby shower menus and the best strollers on the market rather then mundane postings. Not everybody cares to have a gif party on this forum and talk about what our spirit animal is.
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    I really hesitated to say anything, but here goes.

    I kind of feel bad for you, @inomniaparatus. Why? Because I think you live in a world (social groups, etc) where what you have is more important than who you are as a person.. And it is so ingrained in you that your stuff/status is what matters that you subconsciously bring that to the table here on TB, too.

    I think it really sucks that that's how you have to live your life IRL and in your head. No one should have to feel that their stuff is more an indication of their worth than who they are on the inside. I have run in those types of social circles before, and it really sucks.

    With that said, as much as it matters in your world, it doesn't matter here in TB. No one cares what anyone does or doesn't have, and certainly no one on here wants to be made to feel bad (intentional or not) for being a have- not. I have to censor what I say sometimes, we all do, because that's just what you do in social groups.. You try not to exclude people.

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    hlmdeckhlmdeck member
    edited September 2015
    I'm so late to this conversation but I hope the folks who think drinking cow's milk is gross and unnatural aren't drinking lattes or eating cheese, cookies, or most other baked goods. And if you think another animal's lactation is gross remember that eggs are another animal's ovum so you probably shouldn't eat eggs either.

    Edit: words
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    Ovum, yum!
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    AND most conventional milk is free of antibiotics npw
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    I'm guessing this is probably a popular opinion, not an unpopular one, but man it makes me sad how much money factors into having a baby, from health care costs to all of the stuff to buy.  I think it's a major source of stress that probably has everyone a bit on edge.  I know personally we've been very lucky with my mom going a bit crazy and buying a ton of stuff, but I found out this week my freelance job I was supposed to be on until my delivery date may not be as secure as I thought, which puts a pit of anxiety in my stomach on a daily basis.

    We are also very fortunate that my husband has excellent health care for his job, but I had to buy health insurance in the private market for years and it makes me so upset for women who have to have sub par care while they're pregnant and/or pay a crazy amount of money for it.

    Anyway, after reading all of the comments re: money in this thread, it just got me a depressed, I guess.  (Blame pregnancy hormones for how MUCH it depressed me, I suppose.)

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    KayHarbinKayHarbin member
    edited September 2015
    I love spirit animals
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    I suddenly seem to be having a spiritual crisis and need my spirit animal to come console me <3<3;)
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