The only reason I'm hoping for a girl is out of spite because everyone thinks we should have a boy after having a girl. I've said it before, but MIL told us we have to have another one shortly after DD was born because MH needed a boy, because you know just because we have a girl the second has to be a boy and it does make me feel that even in USA girls are not valued as much and it makes me so angry. I also choose to be team green so we don't have to deal with all this for the most part until the baby is here and then at that point you're really going to tell me that you wished it was a boy/girl when you're holding my perfect baby? I will slap you!
@m6agua I think it's valid for parents to have some disappointment if the experience of parenting both sexes was important to them. But I think strangers offering unsolicited opinions about the sex of someone's baby is inappropriate. And I think extended family complaining about the sex of a baby can be really hurtful or annoying. I didn't tell anyone the sex of DD because how girl crazy MIL was - I just could not handle that before baby was born and I was (and still am) hypersensitive to MIL not treating DS as well as DD. So basically, unless you're mom or dad, I think people should keep their opinions to themselves.
Agreed it's natural for the parents to have feelings/opinions about it to some degree. I won't lie... part of me is sad I'll never get a little girl. That's all the more reason I don't want to hear people say this one has to be a girl. I don't want MIL to show me all of the things she has saved for years/decades in case we have a girl. I don't want people to imply I'm any less thrilled about having another boy. *TW: loss
I'm just happy to be getting my healthy rainbow baby, and I'm still battling emotions about the two babies I didn't get to take home, which very well could have been girls.
ETA TW
**TW**
Me: 35 | H: 40 Married Sept. 2013 DS1: Nov 11, 2016 MMC: 11/16/18 (9w6d) CP: 2/3/19 (5w3d) BFP! 8/24/19 DS2: May 10, 2020
@m6agua Totally valid. My problem is with others who feel it’s okay for them to make comments about a baby’s sex. Especially people who are virtually strangers. I second what @ruby696 and @shamrocandroll said. Personally, I was slightly disappointed for like 5 minutes that baby was a boy, because I have 3 nephews and I thought it would be nice to have the first granddaughter in my family. But my love for my baby boy will be no different than if he were a baby girl.
@shamrocandroll I agree, only for me hoping this last baby is a boy. But with the new scares with this pregnancy, I am now hoping for a healthy baby to arrive, regardless. I also wonder if my 2 losses had been boys.
@randic22 exactly, I'm in a similar position. FTM after infertility struggles. Also, yeah, we know the sex and haven't shared, and I still can't decide whether or not to share, part of me wants to experience the exciting gender reveal type thing with all the hype that is so popular, and part of me doesn't want to tell anyone ever because I don't want it to matter. I don't know if/when we will ever be able to have another child, sadly, so also must readjust my family vision and it does change the way I look at things.
@m6agua I totally get what you are saying, and my husband and I had to do some of that ourselves. I can't imagine raising a "princess" , but it's gonna be a blast no matter what. But then why should one of the housekeepers at work care if I have a boy or girl... it's like people who may never even meet the baby have an opinion, and that's the part that's hard, the social expectations. Also I love that I'm going to have a little girl and the closest in age (and closest geographically) cousin is a little girl that is currently only 4 months old and I cannot wait for them to meet! and we get all the hand me downs!
I know many of you heard how my husband was initially disappointed that it wasn't a boy, but now all he talks about is how we are going to have a beautiful daughter and then he watches music videos (he plays a lot of music) with strong female vocalists etc. and says how he hopes she grows up to be like so and so. He's totally adjusted his parenting vision and totally excited now and it's so adorable.
@m6agua I like the way you phrased it about changing your family vision. I always imagined a girl first and had to adjust my expectations when we found out we were having a boy. For MH it was easy to do because he was never even sure he would have kids but I had this immediate panic that I wouldn't know what to do with a son. Walking through the boys section at Target definitely helped
@shamrocandroll I agree with that sentiment. I get plenty of comments asking if I will "try for a girl after this" and from NIPT testing I know my loss was a girl. I'm thrilled with my boys but I would love a girl, people just don't get how comments are hurtful and it's frustrating.
@rachelg777 it goes back to that people don't know what they don't know. My husband and I are SMA carriers, and while it is not sex linked, statistically twice as many boys are born with SMA than girls. Knowing a child is at risk definitely made me care more about a healthy child than anything else, but also knowing that stat, did sway me and I was secretly hoping for a girl then in hopes that it meant a healthy baby.
Ugh. People other than parents don't get to express any disappointment.
@jhysmath that's pretty much why we have always been team green. That and I know if we ever announced a girl ahead of time, we'd get so many uncomfortable impractical lacy frilly probably ugly dresses. I have always been a tom boy, but both my kids love drills and dresses and skirts and hair accessories. So now that they're old enough to show preferences, OK, I'll put them in it, lol. But I don't want my itty bitty baby in size newborn or 3 month clothes that are scratchy and hard to clean.
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Me: 33 DH: 32 Married 7/18/15 1st born at 35+4 on 6/6/16 Team green turned BLUE! 2nd born at 38+6 on 8/30/18 Team green turned PINK! Due with #3 on 6/6/20 Team Green
@pourmeanothermocktail Exactly, I was so happy that we didn't get a ton of those terrible things or pink everything. My cousin who clearly stated before her daughter was born did not want anything pink and would not put her daughter in anything pink still got every little thing in pink, carseat, stroller, diaper bag, etc When I saw that I said I would not find out because I could not handle that much pink. Though I must say once she was born I got bored of all the gray clothes and went and bought a couple pink newborn dresses.
@jhysmath it's one thing to get some pink clothing, but another to get a pink stroller or something bigger that you would like to use for any/all future children as well.
I love this topic of conversation and I agree whole heartedly. Question: How do you NOT let what family and friends say about their sex preferences they wish on us, get to your head? We are team green. I'm 100% happy with whatever genitals my baby has when its born. I just want a healthy delivery with a healthy baby in the end. I do not want the pressure of our family making me feel any less thrilled on the day of our babies birth because they have been so strongly pushing for one sex over the other. As if I'll feel I failed them on not giving them what they wanted? I know that sounds crazy. I just want everyone to be as excited about our new child regardless of the sex.
@mamaclownface My experience tells me that being team green is the most important part. Once there is a baby, most family members are just happy to see baby.
If not, I would shut them down with a quick "well this is EXACTLY the baby(girl/boy) we wanted."
_______________________________________________
Me: 33 DH: 32 Married 7/18/15 1st born at 35+4 on 6/6/16 Team green turned BLUE! 2nd born at 38+6 on 8/30/18 Team green turned PINK! Due with #3 on 6/6/20 Team Green
@pirateduck I'm glad YH has come around and is getting excited about having a daughter! One of my fondest memories of my pregnancy with DD1 was H crying during our anatomy scan when we found out she was a girl, and the first thing out of his mouth was, "I always knew I would have a daughter!" She isn't overly "girly," and I know H already thinks of her as his future video game partner, hiking buddy, etc. She is the perfect daughter for him.
Now we're having DD2, and when I asked him if he was at all disappointed that it's not a boy, he said he was relieved not to have to fight the urge to do more gender stereotypical things with a son. I thought that was kind of a nice perspective.
For me with DS1 everyone and I mean everyone was so convinced he was a girl and that was what they all wanted (I wanted a boy and was secretly so happy I got my way 😂). Now with this baby they were quieter about it but I think a lot of people though he would be a girl too. For me I will say for a second I was sad that I won’t ever have a girl but then I remembered I already know what to do with a boy and was relieved in a lot of ways (weird I know).
Also can I say I am already sick of all the “ohhhh you’re such a good #boymom and now you will always be” me being a good parent doesn’t have to do with my kids sex at all it’s about how I parent which would have been basically the same until puberty
@mamaj1220 it's funny you say that -- my older two bio children are girls and I love parenting them -- when I got the results that "at least one" of the twins is a boy I had a momentary freakout because I was like "wait, I don't know how to do boys!" MH was quick to reassure me that it's basically the same thing.
@mamaj1220 Your post could have been written by me. I also haaaaaate the #boymom thing and will never use it. I'm just doing my best to raise good tiny humans, regardless of their sex or gender. My MIL once told me the reason she's so mean is because she raised 2 boys and had to learn to be tough, and that's such BS. I know plenty of kind people who raised boys. I honestly have no idea how MH turned out to be such a decent human being when I look at the rest of my ILs, haha.
**TW**
Me: 35 | H: 40 Married Sept. 2013 DS1: Nov 11, 2016 MMC: 11/16/18 (9w6d) CP: 2/3/19 (5w3d) BFP! 8/24/19 DS2: May 10, 2020
@pourmeanothermocktail Thanks for this! I'm usually pretty vocal with how I feel, and we didn't have this experience with our first, but it sure is annoying right now.
@shamrocandroll same girl same, I tried to order DS1 the "Boys will be goo humans" shirt but it kept selling out in his size. But I don't think the fact that he has penis changes how I teach him right from wrong and empathy and how to be a decent person. I had to do the #boymom because so many people actually have said it to me, out loud and it is so annoying to me for some reason haha. Also I too know people who have raised multiple boys and are not assholes sooooooo your MIL can suck it haha.
Also my mom pissed me off today with “don’t gain too much it is so hard to take off the older you are” first of all I’ve gained 8 pounds total and yes 6 in the last month but my doctor is not worried and it just bothered me like yes my biggest concern is how fast I can lose the weight after, forget having a healthy baby.
@mamaj1220 I hate the thought of weight loss after pregnancy on many levels, like can we focus on healing our bodies and feeding our babies first please.
A new one from today, I get really annoyed when DF says “we’re pregnant” there is no we in this right now I’m the one whose body is all messed with growing a human and hormones so no I’m sorry I’m pregnant you are not good day sir
@mamaj1220 DH also tried to claim the "we" in this pregnancy. Don't get me wrong, he's heavily involved and supportive but it's not a we. I told him "you helped in the kitchen, but this baking is all me"
Agreed! We are expecting a baby, but I am pregnant. We are parents, I'm pregnant.
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Me: 33 DH: 32 Married 7/18/15 1st born at 35+4 on 6/6/16 Team green turned BLUE! 2nd born at 38+6 on 8/30/18 Team green turned PINK! Due with #3 on 6/6/20 Team Green
Thank you ladies for getting it! Don't get me wrong he is super supportive and as involved as he can be at this point but there is no we for the one in my ute right now it is all me, you did your part to get us here but now it is on me until he is outside of me.
@shamrocandroll I was really upset I couldn't find the GIF for that one
I had my first person ask me today if I was sure I'm not having twins because of how much I've popped. Pretty sure I would know at 27 weeks if I was having twins or not, but thanks for asking!
Why do people think we wouldn’t know we if we were having twins or see how rude it is to imply this? I feel like you have to go back quite a few years in medical history to find a time when people would genuinely be surprised at birth to discover twins.
So you are saying it’s because of the show Friends next time anyone gets asked if it’s twins the response should be to ask if the person is a Friends fan!
The bathroom on our floor of the courthouse has been being remodeled for.... months.. like since October? As I've gotten more pregnant, it's been increasingly annoying to have to go up two flights of stairs to go to the only other available bathroom in the building. The other day, the person in charge of the bathroom reno looked at me while I'm waiting for the elevator and had the audacity to tell me "the stairs would do you some good" I don't know how I didn't lose it.
@TattoosandLace whether you are overweight or pregnant, totally inappropriate! Not to mention that holding it until you can get to a bathroom while pregnant is hard enough without trying to climb stairs.
@pirateduck what's worse is that I have been waiting until I get to a good stopping point in my work to go.... which my husband then had to remind me how that can aggravate a uterus... Her next comment after my "that's what I've been told" response was to say "it will help your labor go smoother". Lady. I have fast labors. The hospital is an hour and 15 from my house. I don't necessarily want it to "go smoother". This is my fourth delivery... I don't think it will be an issue.. and how much does walking and stairs actually help anyway??
@heyybritt this was maybe hours after a comment I got at the soda machine from a older male deputy that "you don't need to be drinking that".... My response: I do what I want. His: The BABY really doesn't need that...
I have three small children and the youngest is cutting molars and hasn't slept in weeks. Do you really want to try to dictate what caffeine I put in my body??
Just let me have my one Dr. Pepper a week and the elevator to the only bathroom. Geez.
Re: SAY WHAT!?!?!?
*TW: loss
ETA TW
Married Sept. 2013
DS1: Nov 11, 2016
MMC: 11/16/18 (9w6d)
CP: 2/3/19 (5w3d)
BFP! 8/24/19
DS2: May 10, 2020
@m6agua I totally get what you are saying, and my husband and I had to do some of that ourselves. I can't imagine raising a "princess"
I know many of you heard how my husband was initially disappointed that it wasn't a boy, but now all he talks about is how we are going to have a beautiful daughter and then he watches music videos (he plays a lot of music) with strong female vocalists etc. and says how he hopes she grows up to be like so and so. He's totally adjusted his parenting vision and totally excited now and it's so adorable.
FTM
BFP: 9/5/19 ~ EDD 5/15/20
@jhysmath that's pretty much why we have always been team green. That and I know if we ever announced a girl ahead of time, we'd get so many uncomfortable impractical lacy frilly probably ugly dresses. I have always been a tom boy, but both my kids love drills and dresses and skirts and hair accessories. So now that they're old enough to show preferences, OK, I'll put them in it, lol. But I don't want my itty bitty baby in size newborn or 3 month clothes that are scratchy and hard to clean.
DH: 32
Married 7/18/15
1st born at 35+4 on 6/6/16
Team green turned BLUE!
2nd born at 38+6 on 8/30/18
Team green turned PINK!
Due with #3 on 6/6/20 Team Green
Exactly, I was so happy that we didn't get a ton of those terrible things or pink everything. My cousin who clearly stated before her daughter was born did not want anything pink and would not put her daughter in anything pink still got every little thing in pink, carseat, stroller, diaper bag, etc When I saw that I said I would not find out because I could not handle that much pink. Though I must say once she was born I got bored of all the gray clothes and went and bought a couple pink newborn dresses.
If not, I would shut them down with a quick "well this is EXACTLY the baby(girl/boy) we wanted."
DH: 32
Married 7/18/15
1st born at 35+4 on 6/6/16
Team green turned BLUE!
2nd born at 38+6 on 8/30/18
Team green turned PINK!
Due with #3 on 6/6/20 Team Green
Now we're having DD2, and when I asked him if he was at all disappointed that it's not a boy, he said he was relieved not to have to fight the urge to do more gender stereotypical things with a son. I thought that was kind of a nice perspective.
Married Sept. 2013
DS1: Nov 11, 2016
MMC: 11/16/18 (9w6d)
CP: 2/3/19 (5w3d)
BFP! 8/24/19
DS2: May 10, 2020
Married Sept. 2013
DS1: Nov 11, 2016
MMC: 11/16/18 (9w6d)
CP: 2/3/19 (5w3d)
BFP! 8/24/19
DS2: May 10, 2020
FTM
BFP 08/25/19, EDD 05/04/20
DH: 32
Married 7/18/15
1st born at 35+4 on 6/6/16
Team green turned BLUE!
2nd born at 38+6 on 8/30/18
Team green turned PINK!
Due with #3 on 6/6/20 Team Green
@shamrocandroll I was really upset I couldn't find the GIF for that one
FTM
BFP: 9/5/19 ~ EDD 5/15/20
The other day, the person in charge of the bathroom reno looked at me while I'm waiting for the elevator and had the audacity to tell me "the stairs would do you some good"
I don't know how I didn't lose it.
FTM
BFP: 9/5/19 ~ EDD 5/15/20
I have three small children and the youngest is cutting molars and hasn't slept in weeks. Do you really want to try to dictate what caffeine I put in my body??
Just let me have my one Dr. Pepper a week and the elevator to the only bathroom. Geez.