SAY WHAT!?!?!?

pirateduck

I started this thread in another BMB and it was entertaining and fun.  This is the place to share, rant, talk about all the random annoying and/or inappropriate comments you get throughout pregnancy and how best to respond (politely) and what you wish you really had the guts to say to the person's face.  It could be something coming from a well-intentioned family member, a doctor with poor bedside manner, or a total stranger who thinks it's appropriate to advise you on your condition...  anything someone has said to you that makes your head spin, share it here!  

Austenista

This wasn't about pregnancy, but I was baby-wearing DS2 and DS1 was in the cart at Walmart today. For some reason the cashier decided he needed to inform me about why children need a father, ignored when I corrected him that DS2 was a boy - kept referring to him as my daughter throughout this random long spiel about what children gain from their fathers. I almost felt like I needed to be like "Well, they have a father, he's just at work" but I think he just liked the sound of his voice and ideas spewed into the air. Father of year thought it was a great idea to stick my 18 ct eggs in the seat next to my 3 year old. Fortunately DS1 didn't grab them before I noticed they were there. 

thepretzelchick

I haven't gotten anything this time around yet, but when I was 39 weeks with #1, a lady at Kroger looked at me, looked at my ringless left hand, and made a snide remark to the lady next to her about "all these unwed teen mothers these days!" My give a damn was busted, so I remarked back, "It's August, my fingers are swollen, and I'm 25, thanks." 

ieles2531

It is SO annoying when people say things like “I bet you hope this one is a boy!” or “every dad needs a son!” or “if you have a boy this time you can be done” in front of my 4.5 year old daughter who completely understands what these people are saying. Today in Target the check out lady said something dumb and my daughter pipes up “why would daddy want a boy? He likes playing princesses!” and I died laughing. 

pirateduck

I have had several people ask if I’m just having one?  Not twins?  Not multiples?  I don’t feel Ive perfected my response to this, but since I’ve hardly told anyone and already gotten the multiples question multiple times I’d love to have a witty remark ready.  

If people ask what it is (Inferring boy or girl) my husband is quick to reply there’s always a chance it’s an alien but we’re pretty sure it’s human.

mamaj1220

@pirateduck on D13 we had one of the girls that started saying “I hope it’s human but it could be a velociraptor, we will see”

shamrocandroll

I know I got unwanted comments my last pregnancy, but no specific ones come to mind now (I think it's part of the brain's way of tricking me into wanting to do this again, haha).  However, there is a particular woman I work with who says every time she sees me in the hall "How's that baby?  Ready for another one?" and I usually just shrug and continue on with my day because after 2 losses, her constant comments were really pissing me off.  Then, one day, she decided to add in "better hurry up before you're too old!"  Eff you, lady.  I would have definitely flipped her off and told her to mind her own goddamn uterus if I wasn't at work.

jhysmath

@pirateduck with dd when they would ask what it is, I'd say we're hoping for a dragon, I'd love to be a mother of dragons. 

rox7777

I hate comments about weight. MH’s family is especially bad about this. They comment on weight even when you’re not pregnant. For example they love to tell MH he’s getting fat. With me I’m tiny up top and curvy on the bottom, so for the first few months it’s always something about how tiny I am and then towards the end it’s always wow you got big. 

They really have no filter/class about certain topics so I’ve accepted some of this the last eight years, but they drive me batty while I’m pregnant. 

bananapanda

@shamrocandroll that's horrible.  I hate when we have to behave just because we're at work because some people really just need to be put in their place.

Last pregnancy for me it was mostly comments about how large I was.  I already had a belly to begin with so of course by the time I was wearing maternity clothes around 20 weeks it really accented my belly and people started with "oh, due any day now? are you having twins?" etc and it only got worse over the next 20 weeks.  Also it really annoyed me how everyone in the office just stared at my belly all the time even though I know I do the same to other pregnant people lol or when someone says "oh how are you?" with that little voice like they assume you aren't doing ok and aren't as capable because you're pregnant.  Which again once I went through it I think I still did the same to other friends when they were pregnant so I know it's good intentions, but sometimes it still annoyed me.  

m6agua

I think part of the issue is people think full term pregnant bellies are like what they show in the movies or on TV. When reality is those are typically not full term size. So when they see someone in real life who is close to the end it may look pretty large compared to what they think is "normal" in their heads.

I am short (5'1") and have a shorter torso/longer legs. With DD there was literally no where for her to grow but out, so I got a lot of comments about twins and being ready to go any day for the last 3+ weeks. Everyone thought I was going to have a huge baby too, even my doctor. While I was large (because of reasons above) and I did have GD, it was diet controlled and I gained a normal amount of weight (25-30 ish lbs). My baby was a completely normal size at 7lbs 2oz.

pirateduck

@shamrocandroll comments about age and more kids are both unwarranted.  I’m sure I will get that eventually since when baby is born I will be 39...  if things went according to plan I’d have multiple children by now, but infertility and loss among other things like a house deal that fell through and not wanting to be pregnant while living out of my car.  Anyways, life happens, we don’t always get what we want when we want it but we are soooo blessed to be pregnant right now.  We have to hang onto that and focus our good energy on the babies we are currently growing.  We can’t stress about the past or the future.  Try not to let her get to you.  Maybe she needs a firm comment to put her in her place and shut her up...  an I appreciate your concern but I’m confident my husband, my doctor, and I have come up with a plan that is just perfect for our family.  

cmhme

@pirateduck AMEN! AND you are only as old as you want to be ;-) (or at least thats what i am going to tell my exhausted self when i question everything)

pirateduck

@m6agua oh yes, pregnancy is NOT like TV in any way.  This is my first successful pregnancy, I have not really been with close friends going through their pregnancies, so my main reference for pregnancy is/was TV/movies.  Let’s just say the way I actually look and feel does not match up with my expectations of pregnancy based on the entertainment industry!

shamrocandroll

@pirateduck She said it to me after my two losses when I was not pregnant.  So yeah.  At that time, she definitely got to me.  

splashmountain

+1 for being short and baby having nowhere to go but out! With my pregnancy with DS I was constantly asked if it was twins and then they'd ask if I was sure when I said no just one and around 6 months people thought I was due any second now. I literally gained 9 pounds and he weighed almost 8 when he was born.

rox7777

@shamrocandroll I think people these days just say what they’re thinking regardless of what may happen. There seems to be a lack of filter with most people. It’s rude in general to comment on number of children, lack of children, someone’s age or someone’s weight. Family members can sometimes get away with it because they’re generally more comfortable, but strangers/acquaintances should definitely know better! I would just rebuke her firmly because I have no patience for that nonsense. 

pirateduck

@rox7777 I think you are right, no filters.  I think this factors into why I am scared to tell a lot of people I am pregnant.  I'm afraid of what will pop out of their mouths.  This is emotionally difficult for me and between the hormones and lack of sleep I'm mentally fragile right now and likely to just burst into tears even if what they say isn't that bad, heck, when I told people that were happy for me I started crying too!

rox7777

@pirateduck I cried a ton when I was pregnant with both of my boys. Super sensitive the whole time. This time I’m ultra rage-y. Most of my extended family has been tiptoeing around me this time because I’ve gone off a few times already over “harmless” comments. I’ve been wondering if it’s the difference in hormones between boys and girls. 

rachelg777

I thought of one that was awkward. When I was early pregnant with DS I was on a plane at the very very back like the last person waiting to get off with only the flight attendant behind me. Well I suddenly got a nose bleed and turned around to try to grab some towels from the bathroom. The flight attendant completely freaked out and was like is this something that normally happens!? I was like well I’m pregnant so right now yeah. She looked at me confused and was like “Oh I see it..” you guys I was 6 weeks pregnant and there was nothing there. I was like okay... 

lisush

@m6agua I like to think about Pam on the office during her second pregnancy, when she was actually pregnant in real life. Way more realistic.

catem07

@m6agua @lisush Another good example is Brenda in Six Feet Under. I was watching and thought, she looks actually pregnant. Turns out the actress was. I could tell by the fullness of her chest...

mamaqdubu

@pirateduck when asked if we are having a boy or a girl DH is always super quick to say "yes". we get some looks which are pretty priceless. 

Speaking of unrealistic visions of pregnancy, I've been through it twice now so I know what to expect, but my first time around my mom gave me SO MANY unrealistic visions of pregnancy, newborn life, and toddlers. She "never got sick" during first trimester, apparently my brother and i slept through the night at 6 weeks old, and we never had full out tantrums between ages of 2.5 - 3.5.... well thanks a lot mom. I'm pretty sure she just blocked all of this out. There is no way we were these perfect babies that never caused her grief. i don't believe it for a second anymore. 

sbishop426

“You know what causes that, right?” 

Yes, 3 kids in 4 years is going to have its challenges but we are super excited to add to our family. And also asking if this pregnancy was planned (it wasn’t but we wanted 3 anyway). People should mind their own business

chewie5990

This seems to be an UO but I don't care or get offended if someone asks if I'm having a boy or a girl. I do hate when people make negative comments about "every changing" especially with my first pregnancy it was always "now your life is over" "goodbye to sleep and happiness" "see you in 18 years" etc. The negativity around something so wonderful is just annoying and gets old. I think since we are both older now and most of friends have kids of their own hopefully these comments won't come around as often. 

pirateduck

Oh, for sure @chewie5990 , having a kid SHOULD change your life.  I had this conversation with someone recently.  If having a kid doesn't change your life you probably aren't being a good parent.  BUT it should change it in a good way and I agree that it's upsetting that people say it in a negative way.

mamaj1220

“Wow you look miserable” that was my favorite last time, I freaking was miserable with HG and not sleeping so thanks for pointing it out. Also myself and two office mates were all pregnant at the same time and the joke from everyone else was “stay out of that partnership office, pregnancy is contagious in there” which got old real quick 

smashley09

These are so great to read, LoL. People are nuts. I don’t have many stories yet, luckily. But I am sure they are coming! One nurse was on my unit for a transfer and I was sitting, it was late and I was bloated, and I am a small human. We got to talking and I mentioned I was expecting. Not sure if you guys know what hospital supplied scrubs are like, but they come up reeeeally high, and tie up so they are not flattering  and they kind of make you look bloated. Anyway, I told her how far along I was and she said, oh man, you must have two in there. 🙄 

brettanomyces

I actually can’t remember anyone saying anything stupid during my pregnancies 🤔

But there was this one time, when I was working in a restaurant and my manager was pregnant. I was going through fertility treatments at the time so working with a pregnant person who constantly talked about her pregnancy was just awesome to begin with. Anyway, there was this customer who came in and joined one of my tables but put his chair so it was blocking the way to the washrooms. My manager went over and asked him to move. Shortly after I went over to take his drink order but before I could say anything he blurts out, “WHAT ARE YOU PREGNANT TOO?” 🙄 He thought he was pretty hilarious. 

pirateduck

@smashley09 Ugh to the multiples comments, one I don’t need you making me feel fatter than I already do, and two I’m pretty sure my doctor would have told me by now if there was more than one baby.  Yes, I’m fairly confident that I’m just having ONE baby, and that is quite alright with me.

bananapanda

Regarding the baby's sex I don't find it annoying when people ask, but i do find it annoying when people assume you want one sex over the other.  I feel like everyone thinks we are disappointed having a second girl and keep asking "Oh, you are excited? Is your husband excited?" yes, we are both excited.  We would have been equally excited for a boy also.  We don't care either way, but it's crazy that think people all men want sons and every family needs one boy and one girl to be complete.

shamrocandroll

@bananapanda So much this.  This is why we're telling everyone IRL it's a surprise.  I am not interested in anyone's opinions of what my family will/should look like.  

lisush

The only comment I've dealt with so far is from a socially inept co-worker who has repeatedly mentioned how small she was with her son, how she wore regular clothes until like 5 or 6 months and didn't even look pregnant at 9 months. This was when I was specifically talking about how nothing fits me at like 9 weeks. Thanks.

I'm looking forward to having a total stranger attempt to touch me or give me advice once I'm noticeably pregnant. I don't plan on being very polite. 🤷



Edited for spelling

jhysmath

So I guess I spoke too soon thinking no one has made a comment yet. MH told me this morning one of the teachers on his team asked if I was pregnant. He of course told her no and asked why she would think that. She just said well it was something someone said. He corrected her and said well these 2 other people have wives that are pregnant and they were both pregnant the year we had DD so maybe you're thinking one of them. She said no it's her I've heard things....well we have no idea what's she's heard because we haven't said anything to anyone because we still don't know if it is viable. I'm still wearing my regular pants, and my boobs have deflated as DD is slowly weaning. The only thing we can think of is that we have been taking time off together to go to appointments (2 appointments) and we never take time off. 

ruby696

@jhysmath That's so annoying, especially given your situation. Why do people think they're entitled to that information? You would never ask a co-worker if they'd had a colonoscopy. 

shamrocandroll

@ruby696 Bah-hahaha, no, but I might have to now just to see the look on their face. 

pirateduck

Everyone knew at the office when one of the men had his colonoscopy   

louessbee

@lisush Ugh, the most annoying. I know someone who's kid is 5 now and she STILL brings up the same things - so small, couldn't even tell, blah blah. Nobody cares, everybody is different.

pirateduck

@bananapanda perhaps we should revive this thread with your waitress comment.

bananapanda

@pirateduck right?  People are crazy!

It's funny to me because with DD1 the first time a stranger commented on me being pregnant it was around 20 weeks and a girl randomly said "oh how far along are you?" pretty harmless I guess. 

Friday's (17+2) was the first time a stranger commented on this pregnancy because she started with "Oh I didn't know you were expecting" because this is a local restaurant where I worked when I was 16 and she's been there ever since.  She asked when I was due, and AFTER I TOLD HER MAY she responded with "oh I would've thought this month" like uh that would've been a nice place to just say "well congratulations!" and left it at that, but nope, she needed to get that off her chest.  

ruby696

It kills me when you tell people you're pregnant and they say they didn't know you were trying. Uh.... no, you didn't. Because I don't inform people ahead of time about what goes on in my bedroom. 😒