@mindyb2019 that’s amazing! I might just have to move north.
Anyone else considering staying at home after this home? I’m a teacher and, after daycare for two LOs, I’d be making $300 a month. Doesn’t seem worth it.
*TW labor complications Paternity leave is so weird here! My husbands company gives zero days, only PTO. When I had DD my induction was 45 hours, ended in the ICU of L&D for a day, and then was kept for another three days. By the time we got home he’d already used almost a week and only had one more day he could use comfortably to help me even though I was soooo sick. Then I wound up hospitalized 6 weeks later for retained placenta and so many crazy complications. He had 1.5 days of PTO left for the year to be there for me even though I ended up having 3 surgeries and stayed in the hospital for 1.5 weeks. Family was huge that week. It’s a horror story that ends so well with amazing doctors and now another babe on the way but I’ve never quite forgiven his company for giving is no help when it was so hard. Thank goodness I’m a teacher and had DD at the end of May and this one is due in June.
Edited to add a TW
Married: 12/19/15
BFP: 9/4/17 EDD: 5/16/18 DD born 5/10/18 Postpartum Complications
My ob said I'm a candidate for vbac. We ended up in emergency because of heart decelerations with my contractions. Ds wouldn't turn his dang head and was sunny side up.
Terrible mom here but I was more than ready to go back to work after 12 weeks. Sahm life is not for me! Everyone asked if I was sad to be back in the office and seemed surprised when I said I wasn't. Being home with a newborn is so much harder than working and my job is stressful. Also glad this time around isn't a winter baby!!! So I'll be less worried about that when starting daycare.
I am hoping for a VBAC too. My OB is open to it. Reason for my section was DS’s big fat head that wouldn’t fit. So I guess it depends? I’m not sure if they will monitor it more closely...even though they assured me DS would be 7 pounds and he was 8’2 with a whopping 13 inch head.
One huge trick of the trade is to get up off your back. Being in a more upright position opens up your inner pelvis by 30%!
Also, sometimes baby doesn't descend either because labor was induced and body wasn't ready yet, or body wanted a long wait between getting fully dilated and actually getting baby out.
I don't know your story, and obviously these don't apply to everyone in every situation, but, they tend to be causes of a section that can be overcome with subsequent births.
Sorry all, I'm an ICAN chapter co-leader, helping people try for VBAC is my jam. And I know a lot of stories of first baby wouldn't come out, was 8 lbs, but second baby was a VBAC at 10 lbs. (Not joking or exaggerating, she's a friend of mine IRL).
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Me: 33 DH: 32 Married 7/18/15 1st born at 35+4 on 6/6/16 Team green turned BLUE! 2nd born at 38+6 on 8/30/18 Team green turned PINK! Due with #3 on 6/6/20 Team Green
@pourmeanothermocktail I tried every position in the book over the course of pushing for 5 hours baby’s head didn’t descend at all - literally, not one bit.
I will say, my original OB whom I love, broke her leg 2 weeks before I gave birth so I had to switch to a new one. New one scheduled an induction at 40+1 for really no reason, other than it was convenient for her. I didn’t know any better because FTM. She didn’t check on me once during the 5 hours of pushing. 5. Freaking. Hours. I was begging the nurses for something so they finally got her. She sat with me through one contraction and said I needed a section.
All that to say I am now back to my original OB, so things will hopefully be much different this time around.
If it helps to hear, I have another close friend who was induced with first, pushed for 8 hours, ended in section. Second had a VBAC, third at home! Another induced for first, ended in section, then babies 2, 3, and 4 were born in less than 4 hours of labor!
Most likely, you can do this!
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Me: 33 DH: 32 Married 7/18/15 1st born at 35+4 on 6/6/16 Team green turned BLUE! 2nd born at 38+6 on 8/30/18 Team green turned PINK! Due with #3 on 6/6/20 Team Green
I'll be returning to work. I make more money than my husband, and we need both of our incomes. My income will be more than halved by having 2 in daycare though, so that sucks donkey balls.
@saladflambe daycare is so expensive! Then I went on maternity leave and realized they don't make enough money in my book 🤣 I'm not looking forward to a couple grand a month for child care though.
@runwmusic yeah the truth is I"m not really built to be a stay-at-home mom... I am a better mom because I work (and, thus, get a break from momming).
My work is great, though - very flexible about working from home/working flexible hours when needed. So, I'm pretty happy. I was ready to go back at 3 months last time; hopefully, I'll be even more prepared this time.
Besides, we all know the baby will get sick week 2 of daycare, because that's how it works. They get sick every couple of weeks for at least a year -.-
Who knows how I'll feel after actually having a child, but I never considered being a SAHM. It may well make financial sense given what I'm hearing about daycare in the San Francisco Bay Area—impossible to find and as costly as college tuition—but I love what I do and would never be able to give up my professional goals. I also don't think being a SAHM would be good for my mental health. Absolutely to each her own, though!
Truth be told, I'm a SAHM for mainly 2 reasons. 1-I don't have an actual career, so I'm not missing out. 2-the jobs I have immediate access to don't cover childcare costs for 1 (much less the soon-to-be 3) kid.
I have just figured out what I want to be when I grow up though. So when baby is here, we can get me started on track to becoming a Certified Professional Midwife for home birth.
Until then, I can either only work very part time, when my husband is home in evenings/weekends, or I could work full time overnights, but literally not sleep more than 2 hours per day. But definitely not willing to work just to end up with less coming in monthly.
I totally love that there are so many women who love their career and find a way to make it all happen. Once my kids are old enough to be left alone some, I'm hoping I'll be bringing babies into the world. But, I'll start the schooling once baby is ready to start taking solids too.
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Me: 33 DH: 32 Married 7/18/15 1st born at 35+4 on 6/6/16 Team green turned BLUE! 2nd born at 38+6 on 8/30/18 Team green turned PINK! Due with #3 on 6/6/20 Team Green
@saladflambe Omg girl 😳 you poor thing. 5 days to get to sleep? Damn. I would be a walking zombie. That sooo horrible that you had to go through all the OCD and PTSD, anxiety etc. I’m truly sorry you had to experience that. Also I could never imagine not sleeping in the same room as my hubby for 2 years. ❤️ My heart goes out to you. Your so strong. FX that this pregnancy will go a lot better and smoother for you. I’m praying for sleep for you this time around.
@runwmusic I am VERY lucky in that I can take up to a year off (note- not as good as it sounds as 16 weeks is paid and the rest is basically unpaid) but after 7 months off I was DYING to go back. I dropped my daughter off at daycare and did not feel an ounce of sadness 😬. SAHM life isn’t for me either! I give all the credit in the world to women who are and love it.
Add me to the not cut out to be a SAHM list. I am very much looking forward to a summer baby, so we can at least get outside for walks. Being cooped up inside all winter for 12 weeks drove me nearly insane. I even said I don’t know if I would take all 12 again. I was so ready to go back to work, and DS thrives at daycare. They teach him things I wouldn’t ever think of. He does crafts. I do not do crafts. We just went on vacation for almost a full week and were with DS 24/7 and by the end I’m like when does daycare open on Monday because everyone needs a break!
@chaos-and-coffee we took DD to Disney world in February and when the plan touched down back home our daughter literally said- can I go to school? 😅😅😅. After two weeks together we ALL a needed a break.
She learns SO much more in daycare than I could possibly teach her. Also hers includes all food so she’s eating healthy meals 5 days a week. They’re my village ha
As a teacher I get to experience being a SAHM and being a working mom. There is so much work required outside of the classroom for me to keep up that honestly, if we could swing it, I would totally be a SAHM. If I could just do my work during the day and not have to do things at home that would be one thing, but I definitely feel guilty having to take family time away so I can grade papers or plan. This is my first year in this position though (and it's way better than my previous position) so I'm hoping as I get accustomed to this position, there will be less time needed for the planning piece of things so future years should get better in that sense. I LOVE my job, but I wish it didn't take me from my kids as much as it does. Summer life is so much easier and chill and laid back. We go to our local theme park at least once a week, plan play dates with friends, hang out with my parents, weekends away to visit family...much better, IMO.
@mindyb2019 you could imagine it if you were incapable of sleeping for long enough, I promise. Priorities change when a basic survival need isn't being met.
Also, I'm about ready to kick him out again bc he keeps fucking clearing his throat SO FUCKING LOUDLY at like 1AM, 1:30AM, 2AM every night, and it wakes me up every time (of course)
@mindyb2019 you could imagine it if you were incapable of sleeping for long enough, I promise. Priorities change when a basic survival need isn't being met.
Also, I'm about ready to kick him out again bc he keeps fucking clearing his throat SO FUCKING LOUDLY at like 1AM, 1:30AM, 2AM every night, and it wakes me up every time (of course)
Whenever on husband has even a slight cold, or it's his allergy season I have to kick him out of bed for snoring, coughing, and just in general waking me up 5 times, plus baby still getting me up 2-3 times. It's just not acceptable.
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Me: 33 DH: 32 Married 7/18/15 1st born at 35+4 on 6/6/16 Team green turned BLUE! 2nd born at 38+6 on 8/30/18 Team green turned PINK! Due with #3 on 6/6/20 Team Green
I may feel differently later on, but never had any interest in being a SAHM. I love my job, and think I do need that space outside the home for my sanity. Not to mention that our household income would be cut by more than half (I make a bit more than my husband), meaning we'd no longer be able to afford where we live and probably need to find an entirely different city/town to move to. Also, it's not something I was ever really exposed to, so the concept is almost foreign to me. Thinking back, most of my female role models growing up worked. My mother worked full-time and went to grad school part-time when I was a toddler, as did most of my aunts, and even my grandmother worked (despite my grandfather's objections).
That said, I do have a friend here who became a SAHM after her first and is immensely happy. She liked her job, but wasn't that passionate about it and had been pondering a career change for several years. Her husband luckily makes more than enough to support the three of them so they could swing it without a lot of lifestyle changes. Diff'rent strokes...
@akoros i remember wondering if I’d feel different about working after i had my daughter. But it’s totally fine to be passionate about your career and being a mother! Before I had my first so many people told me I’d feel differently about work after I had my daughter- nope didn’t happen.
Also my mom worked while I was growing up. She actually became a SAHM for five months after my sister was born and hated it so much she went back to work. She said she’d look out the window at women going to work and feel jealous. Lol. And she was the BEST mom. I guess it’s just in my blood 🤷🏻♀️
I am definitely not SAHM material. My startup closed in the middle of maternity leave with DS and I did some SAHM + WFH for a bit, then went back to grad school. I was his full time primary caregiver for 18 months until we started daycare in the second half of my program so I could take on a research and service scholarship. I was worried that I'd feel like I was abandoning him, but I really felt massive relief. Part time daycare has definitely made me a better mom, helped him learn new things and socialize, and offered enrichment I wouldn't have thought of. And it's been huge for my sanity. I'll be looking for a job after grad school with the full intention of going back after maternity.
I fully support families in making the choice that's best for them. I don't think anyone else can really know what makes your family work.
@hayhay2501 I hear you! For my mom she felt it was important to set an example (apparently we'd "do homework together" while she was in grad school, with me pounding away on a toddler typewriter), and when she went to class I got a lot of solo bonding time with my dad.
That said, I definitely want to emphasize this, it's all about what works best for you and your family. This is just my experience, I know several amazing SAHMs.
I am a SAHM and a lot of days it’s not for me either. It’s really tough and isolating a lot of the time. Things that helped me were when my son was old enough, taking him to baby drop in groups and play dates. Anything that got me socializing with other adults. After doing it a few years I felt like I was losing a part of myself and letting the mom role fill my identity. Once my son hit pre school age I felt a lot of freedom. I joined a pottery club and started volunteering. And now it feels a lot better because I am mom with some other things that don’t involve my family. I feel a lot more prepared to go into baby number 2 knowing the things that made me feel stuck are temporary.
@hayhay2501 wasn't directed at you! Just didn't want to inadvertently make it seem like I was denigrating SAHMs by sharing some opinions from my mother (who was the recipient of some snide comments about her working).
@hayhay2501 That was me for over a week! I finally had meat on Saturday for the first time in weeks, and have had a few vegetables too. Super weird for me!!
@pourmeanothermocktail I love that you are a part of ICAN & advocate for VBAC’s. That’s near and dear to my heart too. I also love that you aspire to be a CPM! I’ve considered that path for myself as well but would definitely want my kids to be older. I was in public education for 10 years and thought birth education may be a good fit for me to jump into/try it out. For now, I’m soaking up the SAHM life.
@diagonalley I totally feel you on the teacher work load & momming. When I was pregnant with #2 I was pretty desperate to get out of the classroom. My DH was also a coach so it all just felt like too much and I couldn’t be a good wife, mom, and teacher. Thankfully I got an instructional coaching position at my campus for the following school year and it brought a lot more balance to my life. I admire teacher-moms so much. I didn’t feel cut out for the workload. Could have been because of DH’s demanding job too but I admire you all the same! I know it’s a lot.
Jumping in late to the working mom/SAHM convo, I can now say I will have done both. After baby #1 came along, I can honestly say I was relieved to go back to work. He was a high needs baby and I felt like I wasn’t good at being a mom. I felt good at teaching and needed an outlet to feel like my old self. After baby #2 working and momming became harder for me to balance and I felt the desire to be with my kids more. I left education at the end of last school year and started homeschooling my oldest for kinder and also care for my toddler & my BFF’s toddler. It can be lonely sometimes but I’ve been so happy with the lifestyle change! Now that I’m pregnant again, I am thankful for little things like not having to puke in my classroom lol. And thinking about how I won’t have to deal with all the pressure/added stress of pumping at work (praise hands!) All that to say, minds & desires change! Both have good & hard parts.
I would love to be a stay at home mom. Going back to work after DD was born absolutely crushed me. I had a really long commute and I feel like I missed out on so much of that early time. I was able to stay home with her for one year when she was 3 and it was the best. This time around, (fx everything progresses) I work a shorter day and have a much shorter commute, so when I have to go back to work, it wont be as awful.
Ok, is it just me.. but why does everything I eat since being pregnant taste so damn good? Haha. I eat food and am like “omg this taste amazing. This is the best thing EVER” 😆 then I inhale it lol.
Ok, is it just me.. but why does everything I eat since being pregnant taste so damn good? Haha. I eat food and am like “omg this taste amazing. This is the best thing EVER” 😆 then I inhale it lol.
Lol. Definitely not everything I eat. But yes for the cookie dough I had after my kids went to bed.
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Me: 33 DH: 32 Married 7/18/15 1st born at 35+4 on 6/6/16 Team green turned BLUE! 2nd born at 38+6 on 8/30/18 Team green turned PINK! Due with #3 on 6/6/20 Team Green
@runwmusic same here! I don't remember my boobs getting bigger until I freaking gave birth last time lol. Now they are like...huuuge... (well, huge for me).
@mindyb2019 Some foods taste amazing and I inhale them like I havent had food in a week. Then other foods taste like complete poop, which is confusing to me,
@mindyb2019 I'm with ya. Feeling pretty grateful to be Canadian. I will be partially sharing 12 months with my husband and lending him a couple week so he can take off the whole Summer. Having a June baby was my dream for this exact reason. He is going to take off June - Sept and I will take off 11 months. I feel guilty all you ladies have to struggle with maternaty leave. My heart goes out to you! Shouldn't be that way!
@lo_c hello fellow Canadian 😁🇨🇦 What part of Canada do you live in? I agree maternity leave shouldn’t be a struggle. I always wanted to have a summer baby too. My dream. That’s nice your able to share it with your hubby. I won’t be sharing mine with my hubby as he said he doesn’t want me to and I don’t really have to because his boss will just give him as much time off anyways paid as he needs to be with me and the baby so that’s good 😁
@diagonalley Hoping to make you smile! Favorite diaper cover.
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Me: 33 DH: 32 Married 7/18/15 1st born at 35+4 on 6/6/16 Team green turned BLUE! 2nd born at 38+6 on 8/30/18 Team green turned PINK! Due with #3 on 6/6/20 Team Green
Re: October Randoms
Anyone else considering staying at home after this home? I’m a teacher and, after daycare for two LOs, I’d be making $300 a month. Doesn’t seem worth it.
*TW labor complications
Paternity leave is so weird here! My husbands company gives zero days, only PTO. When I had DD my induction was 45 hours, ended in the ICU of L&D for a day, and then was kept for another three days. By the time we got home he’d already used almost a week and only had one more day he could use comfortably to help me even though I was soooo sick. Then I wound up hospitalized 6 weeks later for retained placenta and so many crazy complications. He had 1.5 days of PTO left for the year to be there for me even though I ended up having 3 surgeries and stayed in the hospital for 1.5 weeks. Family was huge that week. It’s a horror story that ends so well with amazing doctors and now another babe on the way but I’ve never quite forgiven his company for giving is no help when it was so hard. Thank goodness I’m a teacher and had DD at the end of May and this one is due in June.
Edited to add a TW
Married: 12/19/15
BFP: 9/4/17
EDD: 5/16/18
DD born 5/10/18
Postpartum Complications
BFP: 10/1/19
EDD: 6/12/20
Terrible mom here but I was more than ready to go back to work after 12 weeks. Sahm life is not for me! Everyone asked if I was sad to be back in the office and seemed surprised when I said I wasn't. Being home with a newborn is so much harder than working and my job is stressful. Also glad this time around isn't a winter baby!!! So I'll be less worried about that when starting daycare.
Also, sometimes baby doesn't descend either because labor was induced and body wasn't ready yet, or body wanted a long wait between getting fully dilated and actually getting baby out.
I don't know your story, and obviously these don't apply to everyone in every situation, but, they tend to be causes of a section that can be overcome with subsequent births.
Sorry all, I'm an ICAN chapter co-leader, helping people try for VBAC is my jam. And I know a lot of stories of first baby wouldn't come out, was 8 lbs, but second baby was a VBAC at 10 lbs. (Not joking or exaggerating, she's a friend of mine IRL).
DH: 32
Married 7/18/15
1st born at 35+4 on 6/6/16
Team green turned BLUE!
2nd born at 38+6 on 8/30/18
Team green turned PINK!
Due with #3 on 6/6/20 Team Green
If it helps to hear, I have another close friend who was induced with first, pushed for 8 hours, ended in section. Second had a VBAC, third at home! Another induced for first, ended in section, then babies 2, 3, and 4 were born in less than 4 hours of labor!
Most likely, you can do this!
DH: 32
Married 7/18/15
1st born at 35+4 on 6/6/16
Team green turned BLUE!
2nd born at 38+6 on 8/30/18
Team green turned PINK!
Due with #3 on 6/6/20 Team Green
I make more money than my husband, and we need both of our incomes.
My income will be more than halved by having 2 in daycare though, so that sucks donkey balls.
Married: Oct 20, 2013
BFP 1: Aug 31, 2015
EDD 1: May 12, 2016
DD1 Emma born May 12, 2016
An Honest Account of New Motherhood (with Postpartum Anxiety, Depression, and OCD)
BFP 2: October 07, 2019
EDD 2: June 20, 2020
My work is great, though - very flexible about working from home/working flexible hours when needed. So, I'm pretty happy. I was ready to go back at 3 months last time; hopefully, I'll be even more prepared this time.
Besides, we all know the baby will get sick week 2 of daycare, because that's how it works.
They get sick every couple of weeks for at least a year -.-
Married: Oct 20, 2013
BFP 1: Aug 31, 2015
EDD 1: May 12, 2016
DD1 Emma born May 12, 2016
An Honest Account of New Motherhood (with Postpartum Anxiety, Depression, and OCD)
BFP 2: October 07, 2019
EDD 2: June 20, 2020
I have just figured out what I want to be when I grow up though. So when baby is here, we can get me started on track to becoming a Certified Professional Midwife for home birth.
Until then, I can either only work very part time, when my husband is home in evenings/weekends, or I could work full time overnights, but literally not sleep more than 2 hours per day. But definitely not willing to work just to end up with less coming in monthly.
I totally love that there are so many women who love their career and find a way to make it all happen. Once my kids are old enough to be left alone some, I'm hoping I'll be bringing babies into the world. But, I'll start the schooling once baby is ready to start taking solids too.
DH: 32
Married 7/18/15
1st born at 35+4 on 6/6/16
Team green turned BLUE!
2nd born at 38+6 on 8/30/18
Team green turned PINK!
Due with #3 on 6/6/20 Team Green
She learns SO much more in daycare than I could possibly teach her. Also hers includes all food so she’s eating healthy meals 5 days a week. They’re my village ha
Also, I'm about ready to kick him out again bc he keeps fucking clearing his throat SO FUCKING LOUDLY at like 1AM, 1:30AM, 2AM every night, and it wakes me up every time (of course)
Married: Oct 20, 2013
BFP 1: Aug 31, 2015
EDD 1: May 12, 2016
DD1 Emma born May 12, 2016
An Honest Account of New Motherhood (with Postpartum Anxiety, Depression, and OCD)
BFP 2: October 07, 2019
EDD 2: June 20, 2020
DH: 32
Married 7/18/15
1st born at 35+4 on 6/6/16
Team green turned BLUE!
2nd born at 38+6 on 8/30/18
Team green turned PINK!
Due with #3 on 6/6/20 Team Green
That said, I do have a friend here who became a SAHM after her first and is immensely happy. She liked her job, but wasn't that passionate about it and had been pondering a career change for several years. Her husband luckily makes more than enough to support the three of them so they could swing it without a lot of lifestyle changes. Diff'rent strokes...
Also my mom worked while I was growing up. She actually became a SAHM for five months after my sister was born and hated it so much she went back to work. She said she’d look out the window at women going to work and feel jealous. Lol. And she was the BEST mom. I guess it’s just in my blood 🤷🏻♀️
I fully support families in making the choice that's best for them. I don't think anyone else can really know what makes your family work.
That said, I definitely want to emphasize this, it's all about what works best for you and your family. This is just my experience, I know several amazing SAHMs.
@diagonalley I totally feel you on the teacher work load & momming. When I was pregnant with #2 I was pretty desperate to get out of the classroom. My DH was also a coach so it all just felt like too much and I couldn’t be a good wife, mom, and teacher. Thankfully I got an instructional coaching position at my campus for the following school year and it brought a lot more balance to my life. I admire teacher-moms so much. I didn’t feel cut out for the workload. Could have been because of DH’s demanding job too but I admire you all the same! I know it’s a lot.
Jumping in late to the working mom/SAHM convo, I can now say I will have done both. After baby #1 came along, I can honestly say I was relieved to go back to work. He was a high needs baby and I felt like I wasn’t good at being a mom. I felt good at teaching and needed an outlet to feel like my old self. After baby #2 working and momming became harder for me to balance and I felt the desire to be with my kids more. I left education at the end of last school year and started homeschooling my oldest for kinder and also care for my toddler & my BFF’s toddler. It can be lonely sometimes but I’ve been so happy with the lifestyle change! Now that I’m pregnant again, I am thankful for little things like not having to puke in my classroom lol. And thinking about how I won’t have to deal with all the pressure/added stress of pumping at work (praise hands!) All that to say, minds & desires change! Both have good & hard parts.
DH: 32
Married 7/18/15
1st born at 35+4 on 6/6/16
Team green turned BLUE!
2nd born at 38+6 on 8/30/18
Team green turned PINK!
Due with #3 on 6/6/20 Team Green
Married: Oct 20, 2013
BFP 1: Aug 31, 2015
EDD 1: May 12, 2016
DD1 Emma born May 12, 2016
An Honest Account of New Motherhood (with Postpartum Anxiety, Depression, and OCD)
BFP 2: October 07, 2019
EDD 2: June 20, 2020
DH: 32
Married 7/18/15
1st born at 35+4 on 6/6/16
Team green turned BLUE!
2nd born at 38+6 on 8/30/18
Team green turned PINK!
Due with #3 on 6/6/20 Team Green