October Randoms

saladflambe

I am in a debate with myself.
I am hungry.
I kind of want poptarts.
But I'm also bloated up 3 pounds already, and poptarts are not exactly a healthy choice...
But...but....
Poptarts...

chaos-and-coffee

@saladflambe girl have the pop tarts! 

akoros

@saladflambe do it. I bought a bagel even though I'm not even hungry (or, so I thought). Somehow it disappeared within a few minutes of getting to my desk

saladflambe

It's too late...
I had chicken & rice.
Yes, for breakfast

chaos-and-coffee

@saladflambe oh that sounds amazing 

pourmeanothermocktail

I gained 50 lbs with my last, which really exacerbated my pelvis issues. So I am trying to do better being the voice of reason this time. 32 lbs with my first was enough. Also, I didn't gain weight in the last 3 weeks with either.

Point being, that I'm working very hard to indulge my cravings, but to also not dive off into the deep end of vat of pudding.

saladflambe

yeah I gained 40 with my first, and then I lost 5 when she was born. She weighed 7 pounds....

I was underweight when I got pregnant w/ her though & basically physically recovered from my eating disorder during pregnancy. 

I'm starting out this one at a healthy weight, but 20 pounds heavier than I was when I got pregnant with DD. But, I also exercise now & didn't before. 5-6 days a week. 

I did a 45-min spin class this morning, and I'm totally having ice cream at our work ice cream social this afternoon!

pourmeanothermocktail

@saladflambe Had I started out underweight and struggling with eating disorder, then I would have been happy about 40-50. Alas, I was just a bit above a very healthy weight, and the extra weight with my pelvis problems damn near left me crippled from 6 months pregnant until 6 months postpartum. So I'm really wanting to keep myself safe this time!

With my first, I actually gained weight the day of delivery due to hospital severely messing up during surgical delivery. almost 7 lbs baby, plus bag of waters, plus hadn't eaten in 24 hours....and I gained 5 lbs.....

It is possible for hospital to give too many IV fluids. 

alli392

I had to go on steroids towards the end of pregnancy to help my platelet count but I did pretty well until that. Once I went on those though, it just went downhill. I gained like 15 pounds (mostly in water weight) in the last few weeks on those. My face is SO swollen in photos of me with DD early on.

The good news about it though is that it does come off with a little bit work and concentration. I wish I hadn't been as nervous about weight gain as I was-breastfeeding burns those calories so fast! 

runwmusic

@pourmeanothermocktail I was huge after my section from all the fluids they pushed. Kankles are nothing. I legit didn't have knees. Just puffed up tubes that used to be legs. It took forever for the swelling to go down! I couldn't even put on fuzzy socks. 

pourmeanothermocktail

runwmusic said:

@pourmeanothermocktail I was huge after my section from all the fluids they pushed. Kankles are nothing. I legit didn't have knees. Just puffed up tubes that used to be legs. It took forever for the swelling to go down! I couldn't even put on fuzzy socks. 

My feet were the size of my thighs, and my thighs run and ride horses...they're not small. My face even was puffy with fluid. It was awful. And again, scary to gain weight that day. I didn't lose any for almost two weeks....and I had zero swelling during pregnancy.

akoros

Question: How early is too early to look at daycares?

I feel like it's way too early (haven't even had an ultrasound!), but while scanning through information for some centers by work saw that many have a 12-16 month waiting list for infants. I feel like I should wait until after the first trimester, but if the waitlist is going to take a year or more I'm already late!

sheshe3386

I’ve already gained like 7 lbs; I think it’s mostly in my boobs lol. I was already a size DD before pregnancy so it’s not going to be a pretty sight.

saladflambe

@akoros depending on where you live, it's never too early honestly... it's the same here... year-long wait lists some places

kiki75

@akoros My friend thought I was nuts when I told her at about 12 weeks that she needed to look into daycares. Then she couldn’t get her into a daycare. It’s insane that you need to look so early but there are so few infant spots in some area so especially if there’s no non refundable fee to get on the waitlist, do. I think in my immediate area there’s probably room for about 25-30 infants. Total. Across all of the daycares. It’s insane. 

chaos-and-coffee

@akoros with DS I started looking after my 8 week ultrasound and was still on wait lists for nearly a year later. Places book up fast! Never too early. 

I was insanely puffy from my section too. I gained 45 lbs - a ton in first tri, moderate in second, and hardly anything in third. Took my swelling about 1-2 weeks to finally go away! 

runwmusic

@akoros I had a deposit in by 8 weeks with ds. Places fill up fast and I didn't want to have my second choice. It's crazy, I know. 

akoros

Thanks @saladflambe, putting in an application now!

akoros

Thanks @runwmusic, too! Your response came in as I was typing. Luckily I sort of get priority for this one and a few others (and former colleagues raved about the place), so fingers crossed! May need to look into a few backups...

kyrwyn

@akoros I asked my son's daycare about how they handle sibling sign ups when I dropped him off this morning.  We were so lucky to be able find a toddler room to add him into at 18 months when full time school & full time mom got to be too much for me.  I don't want to go through any daycare related drama again!  They said they're already full on new starts through April, so we'll probably put down baby 2's deposit before December.

akoros

It's insane, I'm still in the stage where I think this whole pregnancy is my body's idea of a practical joke (will probably continue thinking that until I go to the doctor). Thankfully I thought of it already, planning to drop off applications to 4 places tomorrow once I have a chance to grab my checkbook from home. They all have application fees, unfortunately, but luckily one of them applies to 2 additional locations within their network so hopefully it's not terrible. Thank you to everyone who replied! Saw that I missed some of you.

This is after I got PO'ed this morning when I saw that I technically can't take more than 8 weeks of sick leave unless the baby has a health issue (despite the fact that I have about 17 weeks saved up). I have annual leave and can probably swing it, just really irritates me that I can't use the sick leave I've saved up for this express purpose. You'd think they'd at least have a 12 week minimum since a lot of daycares don't even start until 3 months old! 
/rant  

hayhay2501

@akoros uch im so sorry!!! American maternity leave is a joke and I hope it’s one day changed. It’s such a disservice to society. You should not have to use sick leave to have a baby! 

hayhay2501

I’m going to Wales where my in-laws live tomorrow alone with my daughter. 2 hour train ride alone with a difficult toddler. SOS. So scared. Please let her by nice to me 😅😅

mindyb2019

It’s weird for me cause since I’ve been pregnant I’ve actually lost weight not gained any 🤷‍♀️ I weigh less now then when I wasn’t pregnant. Has anyone had that happen before? 

@saladflambe mmm... I love poptarts lol  🤤

kyrwyn

@akoros Holy crap! What state are you in? That's ridiculous! 

With my first I had 8 weeks on state disability and then 6 weeks paid family leave (still paid through state disability) and 12 weeks of that had job protection under California's version of FMLA. (I didn't get to enjoy all of that, because startup drama, but that's another story.)  DH had 12 weeks too, but only 6 were partially paid through paid family leave (used PTO or had no paycheck for the second half). 

ETA: 8 weeks because he was c-section. It's 6 weeks SDI otherwise.

chaos-and-coffee

@mindyb2019 the first few weeks both times I have lost a bit because no food sounds good. Then the nausea comes and I have to eat all morning so I blow up like a bloated balloon. 

alli392

@mindyb2019 I was my lowest weight in years at my last check up. No idea. Except nausea. 

kiki75

@akoros Is there a reason you don’t qualify for FMLA? 

My state has a parental leave law that is new since the last baby we had. 🤞 It’ll work out well for us. I don’t remember how leave worked exactly last time. Something like two weeks company parental leave, then six? at 80% short term disability and PTO kicking in the other 20% and then draining my PTO for the rest. Husband was able to hold off on a surgery he needed & scheduled it for when baby was new. Which was good... and bad. 😅 The guy is nuts on pain meds. But he ended up home for nearly as long as I was.

But really, the daycare and leave situation is crazy. Then a bunch of idiots whine about how the birth rate in the US is dropping and it’s clearly just because of selfish millennials and our avocado toast. 🙄 (Fun fact: you can be both a millennial and AMA.)

chaos-and-coffee

I get 12 weeks - 8 weeks at 60% pay (c-section) and another 4 under FMLA. Drain all PTO to cover what I can. I was a zombie the first two months back at work after DS. He was and is the worlds worst sleeper. I had to sleep with him on my chest the first six months of his life. Then he got sick and was on a nebulizer, which made his heart race and he would scream all night long unless I stood up and walked around the house with him. Serious zombie mom. 

mindyb2019

@chaos-and-coffee the weird thing is that all food sounds good to me haha, I eat just fine and have no nausea or anything and yet I still loose weight. I’m sure the weight will come and wish it hadn’t haha

@alli392 hmm.. interesting. Ok thanks. 

akoros

@kyrwyn I'm in DC, but since I'm a federal employee the DC parental leave policy doesn't apply to me. Years ago a colleague advised that I do what I can to bank my sick leave, so I currently have plenty of time saved up, but in reading the OPM handbook this morning it seemed to say that I couldn't just use it all up unless there are complications. 

@kiki75 FMLA does apply, but I thought that it had to be unpaid? Unless I'm misunderstanding. A friend at another agency was told the same thing: she could only take 8 weeks of sick leave to bond, the rest had to be annual or unpaid. However, this area is pricey as all get-out, so taking unpaid leave isn't a particularly good option. I need to figure out how to find someone in HR to talk to, honestly. Luckily I have several coworkers who have given birth in recent years, so I may also ask them how they handled it (maybe I can just take 2-3 days of "sick" leave and then use annual leave for 2 days every week?)

I realize I'm extremely lucky to even have an option that will give me full pay. It's appalling how bad parental leave is in this country, there's zero consideration for all the long-term positive benefits and spillover effects.

saladflambe

I'm banking as much money as I can & expecting 12 unpaid weeks, so anything I actually get will be a bonus. It was doable w/ DD, but, this time, she's in daycare, and that's expensive AF. So, we'll see. But I'm not compromising on this. I was going to try to go back at 8 weeks with DD, but they wouldn't clear me due to my mental health & then I wound up in the psych ward, soooo... 

if, by some miracle, I'm ready to work at 8 weeks, I'll hopefully be allowed to WFH full or part-time for a month to get to that 12-week mark, but I am NOT rushing this, because I do NOT want to end up back in that psych ward.

runwmusic

I had 8 weeks pId 100% due to c section (would have been 6), 4 weeks paid at 80% but my work gives 2 weeks of parental leave paid. So I ended up 10 paid in full and 2 at 80%. I would gladly give up 2 weeks worth of 20% to not have a repeat section though. 

hanshotfirst77

With DS I had 6 weeks at 60% pay 2 weeks vacation that I had to use, and 4 weeks FMLA unpaid. I ended up going back at 10 weeks cause we couldn't afford it. Thankfully this time I have a much better job/financial situation, I will get 12 weeks at full pay and I also WFH now so even when I go back I plan to keep the baby at home with me for the first few months. Once I am ready to tell my boss about this PG I plan to ask if I can use any of my vacation time as well cause our leave policy is a little confusing and not clear if that's allowed or not. Cause if it is I think I would want to use some of it to have a longer Mat leave.

maryanne2019

@sheshe3386 my bloat is killing me too and bras are too small. With my first I ended up at 36i!  I’m currently starting out at dd also...

mindyb2019

Wow I feel sooo lucky here in Canada. I’ll get 18 months paid maternity leave when I’m due, which I’m so fortunate for. So sorry you all don’t get that much time with your little ones. ❤️

@saladflambe so sorry girl that you ended up in the psych ward. That must have been soo difficult for you. 

akoros

@saladflambe wow, definitely take care of yourself! That must have been so hard

saladflambe

@mindyb2019 @akoros thanks, yes, it was quite an experience. I had completely stopped sleeping - my body just would not sleep - it took them 5 days to get me to sleep. Post-partum OCD & anxiety coupled with pre-existing PTSD & OCD is no joke.

It'll be different this time. I'll be medicated immediately after giving birth, and we will, thus, be bottle feeding 100%. (I'll be on, at a minimum, Seroquel, but also possibly Trintellix - neither of which are breastfeeding-friendly.) But also, this way, anyone can feed the baby, which means I should be able to get sleep. I can handle pretty much anything as long as I can sleep.

But, know this -- I was on 5 different medications when I came out of the psych ward. I slept in a different room from my husband for 2 years after that. Today, we're in the same room again (different beds, though), and I've been medication-free for almost a year now! So, meds don't have to be forever -- even when you end up on the flipping psych ward.

pourmeanothermocktail

runwmusic said:

I had 8 weeks pId 100% due to c section (would have been 6), 4 weeks paid at 80% but my work gives 2 weeks of parental leave paid. So I ended up 10 paid in full and 2 at 80%. I would gladly give up 2 weeks worth of 20% to not have a repeat section though. 

Having had a section and a VBAC...31 labor hours with no meds...I would skip the repeat section (assuming no medical need) 100% of the time. VBAC is not an easy choice in my state-lots of doctors and hospitals actively and passively work against it. If you ever want to discuss tips, tricks, best Facebook Groups to get more info, and good ways to find truly supportive VBAC providers (instead of those merely tolerant or pretending to be tolerant of it), let me know!!!

@saladflambe I do not like impatient care either, and almost ended there with both my kids. Hugs. More leave=better. Come on US! 

I don't have to worry about leave myself, as I don't work. Granted, I might pick up some work here or there before baby, but it would be ending  upon birth. 

But, my husband has technically a decent job, but worst leave ever. 3 days PTO, period. Can elect to buy 5 more, but for the cost of 4 days....so really just 4 days paid total. And company closes from Dec 24 - Jan 2 (or whichever day next falls on a Monday, whichever comes first). And that time is unpaid unless you save your PTO for it....so....wtf people?

He is also only allowed to WFH like 5 days per year. 

So last time he had 2 days off to help me with toddler and newborn....sigh.

chaos-and-coffee

I am hoping for a VBAC too. My OB is open to it. Reason for my section was DS’s big fat head that wouldn’t fit. So I guess it depends? I’m not sure if they will monitor it more closely...even though they assured me DS would be 7 pounds and he was 8’2 with a whopping 13 inch head.