June 2019 Moms

Innappropriate Comments/Questions Thread


Re: Innappropriate Comments/Questions Thread

  • I’ve had 3 people tell me I shouldn’t be going to the chiropractor. Sorry but you do not know more than my OB who recommended this and the implication that I would do anything to endanger or harm my baby is idiotic. I have a feeling the unsolicited advice and warnings are only just getting started....
  • Told someone at work I was pregnant. She then asked "when did you get married?"July. "When do you find out? " October. "I knew you wanted to have kids fast but that's quick. XXX is pregnant too due late June but she got married years ago, she waited. But I guess she's younger than you". I found myself making excuses and walked away thinking wait wtf it's none of your business.
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  • @tkbmama Wow that coworker was out of line. Everyone’s timeline is different. We all take different paths. It doesn’t matter how long you were married either! I’m not even married and I’ve got a little one on the way! You just do you! I’ve learned to just ignore all those negative comments. 
  • @ami500 thanks! We were together for 8 years before getting married so it's not like it was all a quick process. She meant well but she's known to be very nosey. Oh well you can't win them all.
  • wisehwiseh member
    I had a similar experience to you yesterday, @tkbmama!

    Bit of backstory, I met my partner about a year ago and our relationship moved rather quickly. I have polycystic ovaries and in June last year I was hospitalised with a haemorrhaging ovarian cyst. I’d also recently had a new Mirena put in and it was causing me all sorts of grief so my partner and I made the decision to remove it and stop all forms of hormonal birth control to give my body a break - I’ve been on some kind of birth control since I was 13 due to extremely heavy and irregular periods. I had been told previously that I had PCOS and we all know that this means it could be years before becoming pregnant, so we also made the decision to not prevent pregnancy and just to see what happened, thinking we’d have at least a year before falling pregnant but little did we know that it would only take one cycle!

    Although our baby was somewhat planned I was super nervous about how people would respond to the fact we hadn’t been together very long. I was pleasantly surprised when telling people that not a single person brought up how quickly we’d moved. Not even my parents, who had previously told me how disappointed they’d be if I was pregnant before I got married. Every single person was absolutely exstatic and over the moon for the both of us. I hadn’t even thought about any of this until yesterday when I bumped into someone I used to work closely with who, due to changing roles at work, I hadn’t seen since May last year. It happened to be my last day on site so I told him I was going on maternity leave and his response was literally “geez you moved fast didn’t you!” followed by “was it planned?” and when I told him it was his face was gobsmacked and he said something along the lines of “well you definitely don’t mess around, do you! Made your mind up super quick!!” It literally took everything I had not to burst into tears at that moment and I just kind of mumbled and then said I had to go and walked away. I’m all for being honest but there was no need to even mention it.
  • @wiseh I was kinda in the same boat as you except my fiancé was still in the middle of a divorce when we met. We didn’t officially start dating til about a year ago. I was being called a homewrecker and all those nasty names. So that’s why I kept the whole pregnancy on the down low until their divorce was finalized with the courts. A lot of people have commented on how fast the relationship was moving, etc. I just ignored them all because our happiness doesn’t have to include their approval. I was just happy my family was more accepting. Mostly because I’m in my late 20s now and they’ve been “placing bets” on who will provide the first grandchild of the family. 
  • I was at a professional event at the 5 month mark and one of the reps started insisting it "had to be twins for my belly to be so big." Um no, it doesn't "have to be twins," it's a third baby and I'm a small person... no where to go but out.  

    TBH part of it is me being grumpy but basically anything in the office or any professional environment just feels inappropriate to me... the pregnancy hasn't impacted my work in any way and I'm here to work not to tell you about if I can still reach to shave my legs.  

    And for everyone's sake I wish co-workers would stop trying to touch my belly.  I'm pregnant, not an animal in a petting zoo. 
  • I'm waiting for the comments once I start showing. I was huge with my daughter and people kept saying "wow you must be due really soon, you are so big!" and I was maybe 28 weeks at that point..... 

    100% this.  Some people show really big.  Not much you can do.  Not much you can do about rude people either.... Shouldn't bother me. Oh but it does when I'm pregnant. 
  • Saw my MIL on Saturday for the first time in a month. First words out of her mouth, "oh look how big you've gotten" "you've really popped now" and then touched my belly and said "hi my baby girl". I wanted to say my look how much your belly has grown in a month! And She's mine not yours. But I just smiled and said actually I've lost 5-6 lbs in the past month but thanks. 
  • lmcwlmcw member
    @tkbmama 😒 I don’t know how you didn’t say something to her! That would make me ragey. 

    I had had a coworker ask me if I’d started getting on waiting lists for daycare...in the middle of the lunch room...while my manager was there. She basically put me on the spot to say that I would be coming back to work, and I honestly don’t know if I am. I fibbed and said oh yeah, I’ve been looking into what’s available and I know the waits can be long and just sort of left it at that, but it was SO awkward because everyone was waiting for me to confirm what my plans are...which is none of their business right now!!
  • wisehwiseh member
    Oh that's so horrible @lmcw

    My maternity leave is for a year and I'm taking full advantage of that by moving back to be closer to my family & we might even move overseas for a few months to spend some time with my fiance's family. Nearly every single person I say this to, even the people I work with who know our maternity leave policy are like "oh so you've quit work?" No - my work just has an amazing maternity leave policy so why should I confine myself to a town I have no support system in if I have no reason to? The common response after that is "you won't be back though" which I've just had to start ignoring.
  • What are you guys doing about hemorrhoids?
  • What are you guys doing about hemorrhoids?
  • You can try witch hazel for hemorrhoids, either wipes or you can make your own if you buy liquid witch hazel without alcohol
  • Patients I am seeing sometimes comment on my pregnant body. It is just so awkward. I hate it.  Even if you mean well it's just inappropriate and even when I kind of laugh and give a non-reply, or silence, sometimes they KEEP ON COMMENTING.  Not to be rude but, no. Just no.  It's one thing to acknowledge that you notice, because it's obvious, but we don't need to get into detail here. Please for the love of God let me just do my job. 

    Unfortunately my lab coat isn't buttoning all the way down anymore, which used to discourage most comments and people trying to touch it.  So that's happening now too. I can't wait for leave. 
  • I dislike the presumptive statements about work too. At the end of the day it's our choice and we should be able to make it without anyone pressuring us either way. 
    The 'was it planned?' question comes all too often. I don't mind this one too much I guess- but still none of anyone's business. 
    The one I hate at the moment is anyone commenting on the size of my stomach. It can even be a 'compliment' and I feel judged. "Oh you've gotten so big!' 'You've really popped now!' or from the older generation 'You're looking well!' (with the glance down the nose at your stomach) 'Baby must be huge!' 'When are you due again, a few weeks?' 
    Pretty sure they mean well, but at the same time it always makes me cringe and I have to change the subject.
  • @011sammie017 omg the stomach comments...every day, multiple times a day. 

    “You’re carrying it well”, “you’re so small”, “you’re so large”, “from behind I can’t even tell you’re pregnant” << I mean seriously what the hell does that one mean, like no shit the baby bump is in the front... 😤

    I think the most frustrating was the insinuation by my manager that I would not do as good of a job as I get further along... he said something like “just do me a favor and keep this performance up till you leave” like dude, seriously, I’ve worked my tail off all year to get the best performance review possible so I’d get a great new job coming back (we rotate roles every couple years). Just because I’m pregnant doesn’t mean I would let that stop. 😑
  • Iv had quite a few but some of the worst was losing my primary job (Abbitor) because of a comment that basically amounted to 'if you can't perform all your tasks we don't need you'

    Another was my boss on my second job (bar maid) asking if I was still pregnant because if I miss carry he won't need to replace me and train a new staffy. I went home after that shift and cried for a few hours.

    This is my first and after trying for 6 years I honestly thought people would be happy for me but all Iv had is insensitive rude and hurtful comments when Iv told people out of excitement. Now I just keep it to myself and family. Trying to stay positive
  • This comment doesn't really bother me, but I had about 5 people say "oh wow, any day now huh?" over the weekend....and I'm like no actually I have 2 more months to go lol. I'm short so my belly looks even bigger, but I am def carrying very big out front and I think I look comparable to when I was about 36 weeks with DD1 so I get it. It's almost amusing to see people bewildered at the fact I'm not due until June....occasionally I get the "oh so you're having twins" comment after and I tell them no, just one little girl in there
  • Probably the most annoying question was if I used my own eggs or had a donor since I'm 42.. neither.. can't afford that stuff..God just finally blessed us...naturally. but it does get annoying being asked that due to my age. I know 4 other woman in the same boat...God plans what he plans.. it's not always science. 
  • My best friends fairly newish boy friend asked to feel my bump. I didn’t think it was a big deal as a lot of my friends were rubbing and feeling it at the time and I’m a fairly open person (honestly I was impressed he knew to ask first). Later that night after everyone had a few drinks (not me of course) he’s asked again while we were talking just the two of us and I said sure no problem but he specified he wanted to touch my bare belly.... I just stared at him for a moment and then laughed it off like it wasn’t a super inappropriate thing to ask (saying no also). That was weird right? Only my husband and one close friend has touched my bare belly. Too intimate!! 
  • jbm925jbm925 member

    OMG. I would freak out. I don't even like people touching my belly over my clothes....

  • right? A little too close for comfort! 
  • Now that my due date is near, people have started to ask if I'm dilated. That seems a bit too personal to ask me!
  • Not necessarily inappropriate, but frustrating. I will actually be starting my leave next week so this is my last week at work. But last week and today I keep having coworkers comment that I should stay home since I am ready to pop. First off, I technically have another 3 weeks until my c section week, and not only that but if I am clear to work then mind your business. Granted I am in alot of pain now and waddle around but that doesn't effect what I do for a job. I don't want to go out too early and miss time with my newborn.  
  • many coworkers would compare me and another girl who's also pregnant, she’s one month apart from me. they would constantly tell me i look too huge and if the baby was in the normal weight percentile. at first i didn’t put much thought, but then my family began to make comments on how big my belly was and would also compare me to other cousins when they were pregnant! i became very self conscious of my belly and instead of embracing it i found myself hiding my bump at times /:
  • _heidi13_heidi13 member
    edited June 2019
    Yep, so many people are clueless and thoughtless. I don't think the "old person" excuse is valid either. There are thankfully also plenty of perfectly nice old people who would never think to dish out these comments. 

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