June 2019 Moms

Innappropriate Comments/Questions Thread


Re: Innappropriate Comments/Questions Thread

  • @canuckbaby no idea girl I’ve never been here before! Lol. I just thought it was crappy of her husband to be like “shes Gonna get crazy” in front of me. Like dude. At least wait until I’m in the bathroom (again!)
  • So the other day DH asked me "You're going to get really big this time aren't you?". My jaw about dropped. 1st I'm on pelvic rest so I can't workout the way I normally would. 2nd he never comments on my pregnant body except to say how nice I look or something. So, he got an earful about how inappropriate that was to ask me. And then, FFMC, i used it to make him feel guilty a time or two afterwards. 
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  • I have another one to add:
    A male family member commented to me "make sure you stay active because you can't be walking around with square butt. Especially for your husband's sake"
    I asked what the heck that was...and he said "you know, when it looks like you have a mini fridge instead of an ass".
  • This is baby #3 for us and we have 3 sets of parents all of which said something to the effect of don’t you know what birth control is? 

    I was was shocked each time because all of them have asked for more grand children multiple times!
  • vv826vv826 member
    edited November 2018
    omg all of these have made me so ragy for all of you I know some people just don't think before they speak. 

    I haven't had anything close to any of the comments have just the unwanted advice. today I did have someone make a face when I told them this was my 3rd, he tried to recover and say oh good so you're a pro at this.🤷🏻‍♀️ I guess except every pregnancy has been so different 

    eta: he did ask so is this your last, I'm not sure but not something I plan on discussing with you!.
  • edited November 2018
    @vv826, the family planning assumptions always get me. Like, why is it any of your business? If I’m not asking you to contribute to their upbringing, why do you have any stake in their existence? Especially at baby number 3. Like, I feel like growing up, everyone had 2-3 kids. Why is 3 such a hard thing for people to wrap their head around?? Even for more than that (this is number 4 for us), it drives me nuts, the assumption that I’m done or, worse, that I’m somehow unhappy that I already have “more than I wanted” because I had twins.

    I will say, I feel like intent matters (and you can usually tell that from context, usually). There are some people who ask out of genuine curiosity if we’re done, but it’s usually framed more as “Is this your last, or do you want more?” And that one doesn’t bother me. But usually, it’s accompanied with “the face” you’re describing and a fair amount of thinly masked disdain and judgement. And that FOES bother me. As @ncm1919 put it, those people can get fucked.
    Married 25 May, 2013
    William Alexander born 18 September, 2015
    Harper Grace born 9 June, 2017
    Colton Miles born 9 June, 2017
    Bowen James due 19 June, 2019
    BabyFruit Ticker
  • I don’t think I’ve actually met that many people who were pregnant where I would have said anything other than “congratulations.”  Mostly I would keep any opinions to myself haha but when I meet people or hear about some of you ladies who are having their 3+ child, I just mostly think about how I’m not sure I could handle that. No judgement on you all; you should have how ever many children you want. I personally only want 2 kids max. I prefer man-to-man over zone defense 😉
  • @chrssyms I was solidly in the two and done camp until DD turned 18 months. Never say never....😉
  • @chrssyms I’m the opposite. I want 5 kids! Well wanted. And then I got pregnant, lol. I’ve always wanted to be a foster parent so that’s probably how we will have a large family :smile:
  • @antera23 I am struggling so much with this exact thing. I always wanted a big family. And then I got pregnant. And it was misery. And now I’m pregnant again and it’s not as bad, but it’s still miserable. And I had horrific PPD. So..... I just don’t know right now. 
    Hubby and Me
    Friends since 2008
    Started dating: July 1st, 2013
    Engaged: July 1st, 2014
    Married: July 1st, 2016
    R born: July 8th, 2017
    N born: June 30th, 2019
    Baby #3 Due: July 7th, 2022
    (maybe I only ovulate in October XD)
  • My SIL has ADD and she's terrified of what will happen to her relationship if she goes off meds to have a baby. It's a legitimate concern because they already struggle with some things related to it now.

    Us having a baby is making her husband start thinking about wanting kids. I've tried to encourage her to discuss adoption or foster to adopt with her husband and let him know now what her fears are before he's set on anything. I think large families can be a great thing no matter the path you take to get there. 
  • Its that sweet spot between "normal" and "thick". We're the girls that work out but also love cake. 
    I needed to repeat this. Excellent.
  • I don’t know how many times people have asked if it was planned or not. Like, it’s none of your business. 

    My partner’s brother also said a flippant “congrats but I’m not going to give you a handshake until after 12 weeks”
  • @antera23 we had always said 3 kids. Then with my medical problems and Ms this time we have discussed 2 biological kids (already have a DS) and fostering/adopting a third. I worked foster care right out of grad school so I know the system in IL pretty well which I don't know if is it a good thing or makes it scarier lol .
  • I honestly can't fathom commenting on the number child this would be for a pregnant mother! Seriously, who's business is that, and as previous posters have said, it's not like you are saying "I'm pregnant...help support our family financially" Good Gracious!

    I haven't had any comments this time around (we haven't told anyone but family and they are all just over the moon) but on my last pregnancy I was super pregnant for a big meeting at work (meeting was Wed or Thursday and I was due on the coming Sunday). My supervisor (male) was gathering supplies for the catered lunch and turned to me with salad tongs in his hands and said, "Don't worry, i'm prepared if you go into labor" (and then proceeded to 'clap' the tongs at me like a crab. Yeah...not cool. 
  • Thank you for providing the term “all american” @harrierwife 😂 I am also all american. 

    Luckily this time it hasn’t been bad, mostly “was it planned?” and I teach autistic high schoolers, who have NO concept of social cues, so they’ve asked me probably 5 times if I’m pregnant even though I haven’t announced it to them yet. 

    With DD it was the worst. My dad died halfway through my pregnancy and people would say, “Well, at least you have your baby coming, that will cheer you up.” 

    Uh no, sorry, my daughter’s job is not to bring me joy after losing my dad. They’re two different people and two irreplaceable spots in my heart. 
  • My husband told me my arms looked fat this morning. See my post in weekly randoms for full story. Realized should have posted it here not there but TB hasnt worked for me for the last couple hours to post it and igot so excited it finally worked i got post happy lol
  • @tuxielove93 Babies are such a blessing but there are other factors that go into the decision to have more. I know I never thought pregnancy would be this rough. I’m sorry you had such a bad battle with PPD. That must have been so hard. 

    @dntstpbelieveing I’m pretty familiar with our system here and i’d say it makes it scarier for sure, lol. I think it’s great you want to foster/adopt! There are so many kids who need a good home. 
  • @ellem29, excuse me while I go pick my jaw up off the floor. Those are so, SO inappropriate to be asking you. And beyond insensitive, especially from family. I am angry FOR you.

    My brother (who I am very close to) is gay and wants kids someday and it kills me, how potentially complicated his journey to parenthood is going to be compared to my husband and me (even with our fertility issues with our oldest). The protective big sister in me is already bristling at some of the comments I’m sure he’ll hear, and it kills me. I’m really, really sorry you have to navigate that minefield from people who don’t know how to be kind or mind their own business.
    Married 25 May, 2013
    William Alexander born 18 September, 2015
    Harper Grace born 9 June, 2017
    Colton Miles born 9 June, 2017
    Bowen James due 19 June, 2019
    BabyFruit Ticker
  • Nothing yet this pregnancy, even tho I was expecting some on the trip last weekend with DH’s family.

    His mom made a few comments with my first. She told me to make sure my wedding dress was gonna fit still cause she wasn’t sure it would.. I was 11wks.

    And then at around 32wks she made a comment about one of my maternity photos that it looked like I was having a 15lb baby! I was beside myself over that comment. It wasn’t the best angle but I hadn’t gained an excessive amount of weight. 
  • @KissMeImScottish - Thank you! It's hard, because I'm sure a lot of it is just ignorance/curiosity on their parts... but sometimes I just want to tell people that maybe they should try Googling the subject before asking such sensitive questions. 
  • Yesterday my nurse asked me (at my OB IN TAKE appointment) "Have you felt the baby move?" I'm 10 weeks... so, no I haven't. Just a lot of gas bubbles and too few bowel movements.
  • You guys. There are too many unreal responses here. My jaw may be permanently dislocated! Why do people think these things are appropriate?!
  • @meatballs37 I can't help it, I love all things newborn!!!
  • 011sammie017011sammie017 member
    edited November 2018
    A friend of mine at work was too afraid to tell our line manager that his wife was pregnant with their 4th. She (line manager) and another colleague had ranted about how having more than one child was economically and environmentally irresponsible and commented not long after my friend's third. 
  • This is my 5th pregnancy and I want one more. I love being pregnant though. Usually my MS is very mild but this time around it was really rough. I would still do it again though. I love everything from peeing on the stick to pushing the baby out med free. I don't even mind the endless hours of cluster feeding a newborn. 
    Bless you. 
  • @KissMeImScottish the weight comments always shock me! I’m sorry you to had to experience that. Similar to you, I was 3 months pp and at a luncheon with my children. I finally had a second to sit down and eat the delicious dessert they placed in front of me and an older lady (who I’m only acquainted) turned to me and said “you might as well enjoy that now before you need to start losing the baby weight.” Like what?!

    Also to add, we are just beginning to tell people about our 3rd pregnancy and I never realized that the follow-up question from everyone is “are you going to have more?” Um, I’m currently focused on this one. That I’m still pregnant with lol.
  • @hiveofpente i am a FTM and have been asked the more question already as well. Like first of many. Gtfo leave me alone . hence reason i didnt tell anyone we were seeing what happens with going off bc to begin with
  • My friend wants a 3rd baby. I said I was done at two. She keeps dropping hints I should have a 3rd so she can have a third. My DH says “oh if we were younger I would have pushed for more.” Umm, ‘scuse me but not your body growing the babies! Or the ones staying at home with them all day!
  • @catmommac...I’m confused why she needs you to have a third for her to have a third? That’s just weird on her part. (No offense intended to your friend, but your family planning shouldn’t really have much to do with hers)
    Married 25 May, 2013
    William Alexander born 18 September, 2015
    Harper Grace born 9 June, 2017
    Colton Miles born 9 June, 2017
    Bowen James due 19 June, 2019
    BabyFruit Ticker
  • @KissMeImScottish she is a little weird, I agree. I recall her justification being that if I had a third then it would justify her having a third because then we’re evening up the the numbers? 
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