@jhems776 Haha oh that’s my MIL. She already sent DH a list of name suggestions 😑 We didn’t tell anyone DS1’s name until birth (well, maybe I told you guys on our first BMB lol) so I don’t know what’s makes her think we’ll tell her this time around.
@Bababatty That’s our family. I had to completely forgo even doing a really cute announcement because my family would.not.stop.asking. If they could tell yet. I gave in and just told the important people via text and call and moved on. I’m so infuriated about it, but I was so tired of saying no two or three times a day per person. It was super early too, but I think that nuance just went straight over their heads (like 6/7 weeks)
Hubby and Me Friends since 2008 Started dating: July 1st, 2013 Engaged: July 1st, 2014 Married: July 1st, 2016 R born: July 8th, 2017 N born: June 30th, 2019 Baby #3 Due: July 7th, 2022 (maybe I only ovulate in October XD)
I told a male team member at work yesterday. We have a big conference at work in June where we basically go out and drink a lot and have fun. He was talking about it and I was just like yea unfortunately I won't be there this year. He just stared and me. I was like I'll be on maternity leave. He looks and me and goes "What!?! Girl didn't I tell you to just go to bed at night." Umm I actually do remember you saying that but... "Tell yours husband no, tell him to just go to bed" umm too late for that?
Also no I don't really want to talk about my sex life at work ...
My brother and sister in law wanted to find out what they were having but my wackadoo mom didnt want to know. They literally told everyone else after they found out they were having a boy. Somehow my parents never found out the sex (and name for that matter) until my sister in law went into labor and some see you next tuesday commented on her wall cant wait to meet (baby name). So not only did my dad see this he pointed it out to my mom. Like my SIL kept all her pregnancy stuff off fb so every though she was open about it it still wasnt public. Not even about her going into labor... who does that??? We are keeping it pretty minimal on fb but i do know someone who openly shared her kids name the first go and will prob the second. To each their own in that regard just dont spoil it for the person whos news it is to share.
@tuxielove93 Oh that is so frustrating and nerve-wracking! I’m so sorry! I told DH that they’re all well on their way to not being told until 12 weeks next time, if we’re lucky enough to go for a second.
@canuckbaby WTF? How and why do people feel entitled to post about other people’s personal matters or news on FB? We don’t use much social media but I know we’ll have to set some limits for our more prolific family members. Ugh to your SIL’s busy body friend.
A coworker almost slapped a latte out of my hand today. It was my first in almost 13 weeks (awww yeah) and she was like “YOU CANT HAVE THAT!”
First of all it coulda been decaf. Secondly what I put into my body is not your obligation to police! I’ve read and asked MY DOCTOR about what is and isn’t okay for me to consume and in what quantities. Just because your sisters have kids doesn’t make you an expert on my pregnancy, NOR does it make you my doctor. Thirdly, YES I EFFING CAN HAVE MY LATTE YOU WART.
I haven’t had any inappropriate comments so far, but that could change knowing my family...
When we were TTC, I was bridesmaid dress shopping with my SIL and her bridesmaids. I requested ordering 1-2 sizes larger, since the wedding was 8+ months away. The employee stated, “Well, do you think that’s even going to happen?” (In reference to me getting pregnant.)
We were all in complete shock. It really hurt my feelings, especially since I have fertility struggles. I am picking up my dress tomorrow, and hoping I don’t run into her.
@Mmhodges07 OMG what an insensitive thing to say! Especially to someone with fertility issues. That’s really hurtful. And also why do they even care? It’s much easier to take it in anyway. I hope you do see her tomorrow so you can be like, “F you, it did happen.”
We've told my husband's side of the family because we were with them for two weeks.
So far: 1) MIL: You're going to breastfeed, right? 2) Cousin: OMG the second is hell, why did you do it? (Her husband is pretty jerky and doesn't help at all so I understand where she's coming from but....sheesh.) 3) Aunt: You will never sleep again. Your body will never recover. But it's soooo worth it. (Meanwhile she has two teenagers and looks amazing!)
There have also been wonderful comments, including cousins our age who want us to move closer to them so all the kids can grow up together. :-)
@battleangel man, I would have been so stunned by the ignorance, I'm not sure what I would have done. Perhaps I would have winked at her and said it was also a real Irish latte, spiked with whiskey.
I'm telling work next week. That should be interesting. Last time, a coworker told me a diet coke would cause brain damage in my unborn child (while we were sharing lunch and talking about kids). I was tempted to ask whether her own cerebral imperfections were influenced more by lack or nutrients in utero or environmental stress later on, but I don't think she would have caught on...
I’ll be changing roles at work when I come back from maternity leave. In selecting my next role I’ve had 2 mentors ask me if I’m “sure I want an intense role coming back with a new baby”. I appreciate their concern (and I know it’s well intentioned) but it still frustrates me. Like would you ask a new dad that?! I worked hard to get two masters degrees while working full-time and am very sure I want the most challenging next role I can get so I can keep moving towards rapid promotion. I know that being a working mom isn’t for everyone, and it may be unpopular to say that me and my career are still my priority, but that’s my business. I just feel like if I ask for a challenging next role, don’t ask me if Im sure just because I’ll have a baby.
so not really inappropriate but kind of irksome, my sister has been making remarks about our baby being a girl at every chance she gets. we are a family of girls like out of us 3 none of us have biological boys, so chances are this lo will be a girl which I would be ecstatic about but theres also a chance that it'll be a boy which I would be just as happy for. I just feel like she's just going on about it and not "if it's a girl" it's more "it's going to be a girl". DH does this too with LO being a boy but he's not as insistent about it. This is exactly why I wanted to be Team Green I didn't want it to be all about the sex of the baby but instead that it's a baby and the baby is healthy. Since I couldn't convince DH on this then I guess I'll have to wait on the "oh no another girl when are you trying for the boy" or "finally a boy" comments.
@vv826 neither outcome has an upside. Comments about either. My cousin is from a family of 3 boys and his older brother had 2 sons and he had 2 sons then his wife and him had a rainbow baby girl. I am sure he went through similar
@canuckbaby ugh why can't it just be yay you have a baby. I don't even mind guessing because that's part of the fun but the insisting that it's one or the other like theres no other choice is what drives me nuts.
@vv826 i havent had a lot of comments about babys sex just that my husband prob wants a boy. Which he is not determined one way or another. A) wants it healthy and b) sees perks in both sexes (boys for sports girls for dressing up/dressing down lol) after everyone got over the shock of us having a baby period it was are you finding out? Grrr what diff does it make if we know?
My MIL was in town this past weekend and man, did I get some weird/f-up comments. Let me preface this by saying that she was once a Labor and Delivery Nurse and now helps with lactation:
1. Oh, don't even bother breastfeeding. It just doesn't ever work out. Who has time for that? 2. Can you eat beef when you're pregnant? 3. Are you allowed to have herbal tea when you're pregnant? 4. You're not allowed to eat pancakes! 5. Natural birth? ::laughs condescendingly:: Dream on. Don't be stupid - just get the epidural. 6. Where are you going to put all your sewing machines when you make your sewing room the nursery? (tells her that the baby is going in the guest room, not the sewing room) Well, where will I stay? (a hotel, bitch) 7. You're not supposed to be going for walks when you're pregnant! 8. You WORK OUT?? 9. ::pulls out her calendar:: So, the baby's due June 17th....I'll probably fly in a week or two before.... 10. What about salmon, can you eat that?
I feel so badly for her patients. Also worth noting - yes, I don't like her.
When I was pregnant with DD1, my MIL showed up 3 weeks early! Then she proceeded to ask me at least 4 times if I wanted her to check my cervix! 😳 (she is a midwife) every single time she asked my answer was always. NO, absolutely not! She also had issues with the shampoo I used for her.
She complained that her pjs didn't fit right and actually told me she was mad about it. I looked at them and laughed because my husband grabbed them and yes, he grabbed the ones that are too small. 🙄
Then she invited herself to stay with us every other month for the first year. She did not ever get a "yeah that would be great."
She brought us a parenting book because she didn't like our parenting style. 😡 she also brought Dr Sears vaccination book and proceeded to give us a 3 hour lecture on what vaccines to allow her to get. My response, "she gets them all! Every. single. one."
She was just so overbearing and pushy. I don't like people in my space like that so I was setting boundary after boundary. Then at her first Bday, she finally lost it and cussed me out. My husband told her, nope that's it, you can't come back for awhile. We didn't see her again for almost a year. She just started visiting without her husband this past year (DD1 is now 4.5). He usually comes to keep her in check. 😂
@eleven_ - For real, that was the easiest part of the weekend. Without going into it too much, she started an F-bomb laden tirade against MH over a CHRISTMAS CARD THAT WAS ON OUR FRIDGE, and I told her that the next time she pulls that she's cut off from the kid until she spends a year in therapy.
@harrierwife I definitely would have lost my patience and started laughing at her. And probably thrown her out of my house
Hubby and Me Friends since 2008 Started dating: July 1st, 2013 Engaged: July 1st, 2014 Married: July 1st, 2016 R born: July 8th, 2017 N born: June 30th, 2019 Baby #3 Due: July 7th, 2022 (maybe I only ovulate in October XD)
A friend of DH tried to tell me over the weekend that BFing is more difficult for women who C section BC bla bla unbacked man brain science. Sorry dude are you a doctor? Doesn’t have a kid or PHD. Please keep your opinion to yourself!
Some of the these MIL comments have me like Mine would never dream of saying a word to me. TBH I think I slightly intimidate her because I'm very outspoken and she's more passive aggressive... to all you ladies dealing with that kind of MIL, your strength amazes me!
Some of the these MIL comments have me like Mine would never dream of saying a word to me. TBH I think I slightly intimidate her because I'm very outspoken and she's more passive aggressive... to all you ladies dealing with that kind of MIL, your strength amazes me!
I'm with you! I am FLOORED.
Don't get my wrong, my MIL can be bat shit crazy, but I just don't let her get away with it. She's from Denmark and every other summer goes back there for about 6 weeks. This summer is one of them. When she was visiting in October for a few days she made mention that she wanted to know when she could come before her trip to see the baby since she leaves in early June (I'm due May 30th now). I just told her to wait until a few weeks after sher returns since the baby will still be here then. She wasn't exactly happy but I can't take her visiting for at least a month after the baby. Since she's traveling internationally I don't want her coming right after she gets back either so I figure she can come some time in August.
I love how my dad handled it. He just told me he'd come in September so we've had a few months to get adjusted and the baby will be older and more interactive. I love that he's considerate. My dad also said he'd watch my niece and nephew so my sister can come to visit and help. She's welcome as soon as the kid is out, or even before, since she'll actually help. Same with my brother and sister in law...they help and can come right away if they want.
@harrierwife I am actually super close with my MIL but when I was pregnant with DD she told me how I better stop dying my hair and doing my nails immediately like she did with all her pregnancies because oh I would feel awful if the toxins affected the baby and it was my fault for choosing vanity over my baby. So I literally didn't dye my hair or paint my nails or anything b/c she scared DH and I so badly. Even tho my OB told me that was basically BS and to do whatever makes me feel pretty and if I can tolerate the smell of dye and polish go for it. I still didn't. This time around....I have kept up with my roots and my toes are freshly painted. I am cautious with the products I choose, but I realize now that my OB has more knowledge than my MIL being that she has been an OB for 30 years. So yeah...not going to look like a scary beast this pregnancy lol. I deserve to make myself feel pretty especially with all the raging hormones.
This isn't as awful as some comments but my female friend's male friend overheard me talking to her about my pregnancy and said "you are pregnant AGAIN?" like it was some crazy announcement. DD is almost 2 years old so it isn't like I just gave birth yesterday or something and just the tone of it took me back like "yes asshole I am, and I am proud of it." Not to mention this may not be our last child, we aren't closing the doors so I guess I should be prepared to shock this dude again one day. Geez
@runyogamom I think you’re on to something. My FIL gives my poor SIL the hardest time. (We are married to brothers). Me? He gives me shit and I dish it right back. Shes way too nice. I don’t have that problem.
He showed up at my house with a bottle of champagne when Trump/Pence won to rub it in. I told him to stop putting money in my daughters’ 529 because she won’t be able to attend college when Pence shuts down Planned Parenthood. He laughed and gave her more money. I think you have to bully a bully.
@BlondePeanut, I feel like that harkens back to my fears in general about announcing this pregnancy. We haven’t been shy about telling people we have always wanted 4, and with my first three being 20 months apart (Singleton and twins), we knew we wanted the last to be close in age, too, since I would feel bad if there was a huge gap for only one, but this one is a surprise and I’m have irrational anxiety about how people will respond when we finally let people know. But to be giving you those comments on your second?? That’s seems completely ridiculous.
Married 25 May, 2013 William Alexander born 18 September, 2015 Harper Grace born 9 June, 2017 Colton Miles born 9 June, 2017 Bowen James due 19 June, 2019
@ncm1919 I think you're exactly right. If you stand up for yourself early on (most of the time) they get that you can't be pushed around esp. when it comes to your kid.
@KissMeImScottish and the comment came from a single 40 year old heterosexual dude with no children or past marriages. so I almost went off and told him to comment only when he finally gets his shit together and gets married and has kids of his own because he has no ground to stand on even judging. It seems like alot of the inappropriate and foolish comments on this thread are coming from inlaws or men lol, I think we found the trend.
@harrierwife@emeraldcity603 Holy crazy MIL shenanigans! I’m super impressed with your restraint. Also, those stories make me even more grateful for my super nice, boundary-respecting, non-crazy MIL. I should buy her something nice
My MIL wasn't crazy until I got pregnant with her first blood grandchild. My oldest is technically her first because DH adopted him before she was born. She was great. Respected boundaries, never upset me or said anything out of line. Then once I got pregnant, the crazy came out. Our relationship is still strained for the most part but she doesn't overstep like she used to.
As a mother of two sons, it scares the Hell out of me to be a mother in law someday. I sincerely hope I can have a positive relationship with whoever their future partners are. Especially as someone who was deeply disappointed when I got to know my mother in law. I was so hopeful, before I met my husband’s family, of essentials having the opportunity to expand my family. I am a super social person who wanted a sister in law someday (my husband only has a little brother who he isn’t not at all close to - they call each other when I remind him to, maybe once a year) and it kills me that my mother in law are complete opposites with drastically different values and personalities. After almost a decade, I’ve basically given up at this point. I really, really hope that I don’t continue that trend with my own future daughters/sons in law.
Married 25 May, 2013 William Alexander born 18 September, 2015 Harper Grace born 9 June, 2017 Colton Miles born 9 June, 2017 Bowen James due 19 June, 2019
I really hope I can be one of the good/not too crazy mils someday for my son's wife/husband (whatever he chooses). I've thought about it a lot since getting married and since having DS.
DH’s mother passed away before I even met him, and his step mom is only semi-involved in our lives. Sometimes I’m really sad that I missed out on having a MIL, other times I’m relieved that I don’t have to deal with an over-involved MIL.
For those of you who do have overbearing MILs, I really feel for you, though. That must be really difficult to deal with.
@kjr9519 my MIL passed away 2 years after we got married. It was a horrific situation. She was wheeled out in front of us on a stretcher while they were doing CPR. She didnt want extraordinary measures but never completed a DNR my husband was begging them to stop (she had cancer and she wasnt supposed to live as long as she did after diagnosis). I never had a big issue with her ever. We were cordial and she and her ex came to my parents house for one Christmas before we got married. She was always willing to help us out. I carry a bit of guilt we waited so long to have a child as this would be her first and possibly only grandchild.
Re: Innappropriate Comments/Questions Thread
I gave in and just told the important people via text and call and moved on. I’m so infuriated about it, but I was so tired of saying no two or three times a day per person. It was super early too, but I think that nuance just went straight over their heads (like 6/7 weeks)
Friends since 2008
Started dating: July 1st, 2013
Engaged: July 1st, 2014
Married: July 1st, 2016
R born: July 8th, 2017
N born: June 30th, 2019
Baby #3 Due: July 7th, 2022
(maybe I only ovulate in October XD)
Also no I don't really want to talk about my sex life at work ...
@canuckbaby WTF? How and why do people feel entitled to post about other people’s personal matters or news on FB? We don’t use much social media but I know we’ll have to set some limits for our more prolific family members. Ugh to your SIL’s busy body friend.
First of all it coulda been decaf. Secondly what I put into my body is not your obligation to police! I’ve read and asked MY DOCTOR about what is and isn’t okay for me to consume and in what quantities. Just because your sisters have kids doesn’t make you an expert on my pregnancy, NOR does it make you my doctor. Thirdly, YES I EFFING CAN HAVE MY LATTE YOU WART.
When we were TTC, I was bridesmaid dress shopping with my SIL and her bridesmaids. I requested ordering 1-2 sizes larger, since the wedding was 8+ months away. The employee stated, “Well, do you think that’s even going to happen?” (In reference to me getting pregnant.)
We were all in complete shock. It really hurt my feelings, especially since I have fertility struggles. I am picking up my dress tomorrow, and hoping I don’t run into her.
So far:
1) MIL: You're going to breastfeed, right?
2) Cousin: OMG the second is hell, why did you do it? (Her husband is pretty jerky and doesn't help at all so I understand where she's coming from but....sheesh.)
3) Aunt: You will never sleep again. Your body will never recover. But it's soooo worth it. (Meanwhile she has two teenagers and looks amazing!)
There have also been wonderful comments, including cousins our age who want us to move closer to them so all the kids can grow up together. :-)
@battleangel man, I would have been so stunned by the ignorance, I'm not sure what I would have done. Perhaps I would have winked at her and said it was also a real Irish latte, spiked with whiskey.
I'm telling work next week. That should be interesting. Last time, a coworker told me a diet coke would cause brain damage in my unborn child (while we were sharing lunch and talking about kids). I was tempted to ask whether her own cerebral imperfections were influenced more by lack or nutrients in utero or environmental stress later on, but I don't think she would have caught on...
1. Oh, don't even bother breastfeeding. It just doesn't ever work out. Who has time for that?
2. Can you eat beef when you're pregnant?
3. Are you allowed to have herbal tea when you're pregnant?
4. You're not allowed to eat pancakes!
5. Natural birth? ::laughs condescendingly:: Dream on. Don't be stupid - just get the epidural.
6. Where are you going to put all your sewing machines when you make your sewing room the nursery? (tells her that the baby is going in the guest room, not the sewing room) Well, where will I stay? (a hotel, bitch)
7. You're not supposed to be going for walks when you're pregnant!
8. You WORK OUT??
9. ::pulls out her calendar:: So, the baby's due June 17th....I'll probably fly in a week or two before....
10. What about salmon, can you eat that?
I feel so badly for her patients. Also worth noting - yes, I don't like her.
When I was pregnant with DD1, my MIL showed up 3 weeks early! Then she proceeded to ask me at least 4 times if I wanted her to check my cervix! 😳 (she is a midwife) every single time she asked my answer was always. NO, absolutely not!
She also had issues with the shampoo I used for her.
She complained that her pjs didn't fit right and actually told me she was mad about it. I looked at them and laughed because my husband grabbed them and yes, he grabbed the ones that are too small. 🙄
Then she invited herself to stay with us every other month for the first year. She did not ever get a "yeah that would be great."
She brought us a parenting book because she didn't like our parenting style. 😡 she also brought Dr Sears vaccination book and proceeded to give us a 3 hour lecture on what vaccines to allow her to get. My response, "she gets them all! Every. single. one."
She was just so overbearing and pushy. I don't like people in my space like that so I was setting boundary after boundary. Then at her first Bday, she finally lost it and cussed me out. My husband told her, nope that's it, you can't come back for awhile. We didn't see her again for almost a year. She just started visiting without her husband this past year (DD1 is now 4.5). He usually comes to keep her in check. 😂
You are a strong woman to have to put up with her comments all weekend!
DS: March 2014
DD: May 2015
BFP: 12/24/17 CP: 1/2/18 @ 4w 3d
BFP: 1/26/18 CP: 2/2/18 @ 4w 4d
BFP: 5/16/18 MMC: 6/15/18 @ 7w 5d
BFP: 9/25/18! EDD: 6/9/19 TEAM GREEN
She's a special one, that woman.
Friends since 2008
Started dating: July 1st, 2013
Engaged: July 1st, 2014
Married: July 1st, 2016
R born: July 8th, 2017
N born: June 30th, 2019
Baby #3 Due: July 7th, 2022
(maybe I only ovulate in October XD)
Don't get my wrong, my MIL can be bat shit crazy, but I just don't let her get away with it. She's from Denmark and every other summer goes back there for about 6 weeks. This summer is one of them. When she was visiting in October for a few days she made mention that she wanted to know when she could come before her trip to see the baby since she leaves in early June (I'm due May 30th now). I just told her to wait until a few weeks after sher returns since the baby will still be here then. She wasn't exactly happy but I can't take her visiting for at least a month after the baby. Since she's traveling internationally I don't want her coming right after she gets back either so I figure she can come some time in August.
I love how my dad handled it. He just told me he'd come in September so we've had a few months to get adjusted and the baby will be older and more interactive. I love that he's considerate. My dad also said he'd watch my niece and nephew so my sister can come to visit and help. She's welcome as soon as the kid is out, or even before, since she'll actually help. Same with my brother and sister in law...they help and can come right away if they want.
He showed up at my house with a bottle of champagne when Trump/Pence won to rub it in. I told him to stop putting money in my daughters’ 529 because she won’t be able to attend college when Pence shuts down Planned Parenthood. He laughed and gave her more money. I think you have to bully a bully.
William Alexander born 18 September, 2015
Harper Grace born 9 June, 2017
Colton Miles born 9 June, 2017
Bowen James due 19 June, 2019
William Alexander born 18 September, 2015
Harper Grace born 9 June, 2017
Colton Miles born 9 June, 2017
Bowen James due 19 June, 2019
For those of you who do have overbearing MILs, I really feel for you, though. That must be really difficult to deal with.