June 2019 Moms

Innappropriate Comments/Questions Thread

Saw this on another BMB and thought we could share those things our friends, family and coworkers have said/asked but *probably* shouldn't have.

Re: Innappropriate Comments/Questions Thread

  • I told a close friend and their first question was "how long did it take?" 🤔 
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  • @wearyfuzzball how long did what take?  lol
  • My mil commented "I guess you have to watch your diet now." She was saying it because I didn't get a coke with dinner (I can drink coke lady. I just didn't want to deal with the heartburn fallout.) She also told my mom when I was pregnant with DS that "I guess they HAVE to find a church now that they're pregnant." Like, what? 
  • ncm1919ncm1919 member
    edited November 2018
    My nephew asked me to have a baby as his Christmas present. He’s 9, it was cute. He doesn’t know I’m pregnant. He’s in love with my daughter and wants more cousins. My FIL watches all the local grandkids (4 including mine) on Tuesdays so they all spend a lot of time together in addition to weekends when we usually try and do stuff together. 
  • We haven't told anyone yet but I have visibly gained some weight and in-laws are giving me healthy eating advice (we're mostly a slim/athletic family). Like, get lost. I wonder if they are like this with everyone who doesn't look exactly like them?
  • “You must hate your rzrs and camping” - BIL at thanksgiving dinner

    That’s cute, get annoyed I got pregnant again during the summer and won’t be able to go off-roading. The worst part is I didn’t even know he knew, so when he said it I don’t even have a good comeback. We told my MIL with strict instructions not to tell anyone else as we were not announcing yet. Not sure who I am more pissed at; MIL for explicitly going behind my back or BIL for implying I am having a baby to avoid having fun or that it’s an inconvenience to my (aka his) summer 🙄 

    But I already get comments about the size and timing of my family, without taking #4 into consideration so I am thankful I truly DGAF what others think. 
  • I haven’t had many comments with this pregnancy since not many know but with my son what irked me most was a friend asking “Was it planned?” I had been married for two years, we had been through one loss at that point and it really rubbed me the wrong way. 
  • @antera23 what a heartless comment from your sister. I'm so sorry. 
  • @antera23 I can't believe you sister would say that! 😣 Ugh, people can be so insensitive!
  • People lose all manners around pregnant people. My mom said she wasn’t posting the Thanksgiving pictures because I haven’t announced my pregnancy and it was obvious in the pictures. It’s not. I’m sure I will get some comments because I have a girl and boy already, so people already have asked why I would possibly want more someday. 
  • In every social scenario where I haven’t been drinking I have been harassed by “are you pregnant” which i believe is so beyond rude. Got a text “are you pregnant yet?” From someone I’m not close with at all. When there is news to share people will share it with you. Don’t put potentially pregnant women in uncomfortable places when they are trying hard to be discreet. I’ve had to start carying around a glass of wine and even still someone commented I wasn’t drinking from it. Mind your business 
  • I'm waiting for the comments once I start showing. I was huge with my daughter and people kept saying "wow you must be due really soon, you are so big!" and I was maybe 28 weeks at that point..... 

  • I’m horrified by all of this. @antera23 both are outrageous, I’m sorry. 

    @BlondePeanut good answer, good for you. 

    @knottieeeegjjbgg I had someone, not even a family member, who comes to holidays yell across the house “Why aren’t you drinking?! Are you pregnant?!” When she literally sees me twice a year and can’t pretend to know how often I drink. It enraged me because even my family isn’t that on top of my drinking. Joke was on her though bc I was on call for work and shouldn’t be drinking regardless.  

  • Thanks for the support guys. I love my sister but she still thinks the world revolves around her. She sees and reacts to every situation through the lens of her own feelings. So me being pregnant again made her think about her feelings and she reacted accordingly without thinking about my feelings. Lately I’ve been noticing her messing up every close relationship in her life because of that. I hope she grows out of it. 
  • @antera23 gobsmacked by the comment by your sis. Thats just so insensitive
    @BlondePeanut great comeback. Everyone assumes by husband wants a boy. Literally the only thing hes apprehensive about having a girl about is the dolls as a child and then womanly concerns later down road lol. Which is traumatic for everyone lol 
  • Friends we told to have help with first time pregnancy (they have a two year old and he’s an angel), the wife said my boobs wouldn’t grow at all because hers didn’t (two cup sizes and COUNTING, girl) and her husband pulled mine aside and said “I’ll be here for you when she starts acting crazy. Because she will”
  • @battleangel
     lol how's that any different than any other time? lol or is it just me??
  • We haven't gotten anything super rude this time. MIL asked if we could afford that *rolls eyes* but otherwise the responses have been a bit bland. Everyone was pretty over the moon when we told them about DS and now they just don't seem very excited. Which sucks, both for me and for the little peanut. Is this a normal reaction to a second child? 
    Hubby and Me
    Friends since 2008
    Started dating: July 1st, 2013
    Engaged: July 1st, 2014
    Married: July 1st, 2016
    R born: July 8th, 2017
    N born: June 30th, 2019
    Baby #3 Due: July 7th, 2022
    (maybe I only ovulate in October XD)
  • antera23antera23 member
    edited November 2018
    Ooooo I’ve got another good (terrible) story. When my SO told his dad that I was pregnant his dad said to him, “are you going to get a different job? Your job is the most underpaid job in (insert area we live in...Oh and his dad is wrong). You need to work on your weight. You’re making yourself unemployable by gaining all that weight. Are you just going to keep gaining weight until you pop one day?” 

    Seriously, that’s what his dad had to say. Needless to say their relationship has been strained and since we moved they haven’t spoken once. 
  • Not a current story, but when DH and I told his parents we were expecting baby no. 2, his mom leaned over to him and asked if he was okay. Okay, 1) baby was planned, and 2) if he wasn't okay, did she really think he was going to discuss that with her? In front of me?
  • @antera23 I am so sorry for what your sister said. She sounds a lot like my sister, honestly. I have to say, I was afraid I would get a similar comment or have people not get excited this early on for me, too.

    I was thinking that I hadn’t heard any insensitive comments until I remembered what one of DH’s friends said when she was told. She said “it’s best for mom and baby if you guys stay positive and don’t stress.” She just had a successful pregnancy and has a healthy little boy and she’s never been through any loss. I, on the other hand, am PGAL, so while I know it’s better if I don’t stress, it’s going to happen some. And she’s never been in my shoes to know what it’s like in the slightest to tell me how to handle this pregnancy. It also further frustrated me that days later, she made a very pointed Facebook post about how terrible it was that someone said she almost had her pre-baby body back, and I wanted to chime in “Speaking of unwanted comments...” but I’m just not that confrontational.
  • @tuxielove93 Oh yes, the fanfare has been quite limited for this little guy compared to the standing ovation my first son received. It’s like, “oh congrats! cool. moving on. so did you watch the end of the game last night?” Haha it’s quite sad  
  • I guess I’m fortunate I haven’t heard anything negative. Or at least nothing I took as negative. 

    I did get a few people asking if it was planned, which I expected because our son is almost 5 so it’s a larger gap than expected. 
    BabyFruit Ticker

  • @antera23 that's seriously jawdropping what your sister said. How is that even a human response?!

    @canuckbaby 100% had someone ask me if I was sure I wasn't pregnant three years ago, while looking straight at my waist. While on my period. Absolutely was not, and was only about 10 pounds outside of "normal" weight range at the time. (He was an old guy with no filter but still.)

    Only thing anyone had said that's bugged me (and there have been a few who have said this) is I TOLD YOU SO! in regard to us deciding to try for kids. I was not remotely interested in kids up until about a year ago, while most of my friends were having their first (and second) and I was enjoying not having them, but a few insisted I would change my mind. The fact that my heart changed on it has literally nothing to do with them, and TBH I'm not a huge fan of their kids anyway (the ones dropping the ITYS comments, I mean). If anything their kids kind of discouraged me. But by comparison, that's pretty tame.

    This thread is totally entertaining from a spectator perspective. 
  • This one actually happened after my twins were born, not before, but I was genuinely shocked out of a response, especially since I wasn’t pregnant anymore. I was finishing up my shopping at the commissary and saw an older gentleman in the store, who commented that I must have my hands full with my 3 under 2 (my oldest is 20 months older than the twins). I just smiled and said I heard that a lot. I left and got everything packed into the car and drove next door to top up my gas, which I do on base because it’s cheaper than in town. I ended up at the pump behind the same gentleman from the commissary, who looked at me and said “you survived!” I laughed and said yeah, no worries, I’m used to it. He the. Said something along the lines of “You’ll keep busy, chasing after them all day. It’ll help you lose the rest of that baby weight!” I remember just kind of awkwardly laughing but I was genuinely shocked that he felt it was appropriate to comment on my weight at all. Especially because, not that it matters, but I only gained 36 lbs with the twins and because of the pre-e, a good portion of it was swelling. I walked out of the hospital 40 lbs lighter than I walked in, which means I actually had a net gain of -3 lbs to “lose the baby weight”. I had been feeling pretty good before he decided to voice his opinion.

    I also remember, when I was pregnant with my first, I was discussing with my brother the decision my husband and I had made together for me to be a stay at home mom and my brother (who didn’t mean to insult me, but it hurt at the time) blurted out “But don’t you want to, like...contribute to society?”
    Married 25 May, 2013
    William Alexander born 18 September, 2015
    Harper Grace born 9 June, 2017
    Colton Miles born 9 June, 2017
    Bowen James due 19 June, 2019
    BabyFruit Ticker
  • @ki1244 i am with you on the not having that ticking time bomb internal clock that has my ovaries screaming. I hadnt full on ruled out kids but it annoys me being asked it constantly so went into survival mode by saying never ever. We have a neice and nephew we spoil and have done a good deal of traveling. Not that its anyones business what "changed my mind" but my husbands doctor told him at a check up one day last year that if we werent planning on having kids he should get snipped. The thought of permanently being no definitely made me cringe and i told my husband to hold off on that but hes the one who brought up baby making last Christmas. We would prob have already had a kid had we not been going to Jamaica in the spring.
  • @ncm1919 🤣 get fucked. I like your style! I was super zen when my best gf was pregnant telling her the same thing that people just don’t know what to say. Now that im pregnant every little thing is annoying me.

     My step mom said to me “you’re not going to name the baby something weird are you”

    like what constitutes weird? Different strokes for different folks

    this same stepmom doesn’t want to get TDAP shot when the time comes 🙄
  • ohheyitsbohheyitsb member
    edited November 2018

    I've been dying to reply to this all weekend but the bump app has been weird.

    My office mate made the comment on Friday "I'm so glad you are eating again!" when I had a sandwich for lunch. I've not talked to her much about the pregnancy and only disclosed because I felt bad constantly puking into my trash bin lol....we aren't that close otherwise... So I immediately got prickly over the idea I was being watched. I also have a history of disordered eating so it was incredibly triggering. Like, fuck off, you aren't my mom. Or my therapist.

    If anyone likes to read and is looking for a laugh and maybe some solutions to people with opinions... I would recommend checking out "Good Manners for Nice People Who Sometimes Say F*ck" by Amy Alkon. It's science humor about etiquette and how to deal with assholes (accidental and not). I really enjoyed it and it's coming in handy now!

  • Yep, so many people are clueless and thoughtless. I don't think the "old person" excuse is valid either. There are thankfully also plenty of perfectly nice old people who would never think to dish out these comments. 
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