Innappropriate Comments/Questions Thread

chachacharrrmin

Saw this on another BMB and thought we could share those things our friends, family and coworkers have said/asked but *probably* shouldn't have.

chachacharrrmin

I told a close friend and their first question was "how long did it take?" 🤔 

canuckbaby

I get was it planned? Because we were baby free zone kids and didnt tell anyone we were trying 

bakerstreetboys

We get asked if it was an accident, as though no one would voluntarily have a fifth child. Yep, thanks, it took three losses, two rounds of IVF, and a shit ton of money to get here. Pretty sure it was planned. 

vv826

@wearyfuzzball how long did what take?  lol

emeraldcity603

People tell me how crazy I am all the time. 

With this one being our 5th, people always say, "this one is your last right?" Or when people see I have 2 boys and 2 girls, they say, "oh, 2 of each, no need for more." 

I don't get congratulated anymore when I'm pregnant. It is like people think I have grown 2 extra heads and just look at me like I'm crazy. 

desoky01

My mil commented "I guess you have to watch your diet now." She was saying it because I didn't get a coke with dinner (I can drink coke lady. I just didn't want to deal with the heartburn fallout.) She also told my mom when I was pregnant with DS that "I guess they HAVE to find a church now that they're pregnant." Like, what? 

ncm1919

My nephew asked me to have a baby as his Christmas present. He’s 9, it was cute. He doesn’t know I’m pregnant. He’s in love with my daughter and wants more cousins. My FIL watches all the local grandkids (4 including mine) on Tuesdays so they all spend a lot of time together in addition to weekends when we usually try and do stuff together. 

011sammie017

@wearyfuzzball
"oh about 7 minutes and 24 seconds"

chachacharrrmin

@vv826 I *think* they wanted to know how long we were TTC before we got pregnant, but I anwered basically what @011sammie017 said. "Well, it was around my birthday, so I think we had a little extra fun that night - maybe 20 minutes?" 

marijaa333

We haven't told anyone yet but I have visibly gained some weight and in-laws are giving me healthy eating advice (we're mostly a slim/athletic family). Like, get lost. I wonder if they are like this with everyone who doesn't look exactly like them?

Dcwtada

“You must hate your rzrs and camping” - BIL at thanksgiving dinner

That’s cute, get annoyed I got pregnant again during the summer and won’t be able to go off-roading. The worst part is I didn’t even know he knew, so when he said it I don’t even have a good comeback. We told my MIL with strict instructions not to tell anyone else as we were not announcing yet. Not sure who I am more pissed at; MIL for explicitly going behind my back or BIL for implying I am having a baby to avoid having fun or that it’s an inconvenience to my (aka his) summer 🙄 

But I already get comments about the size and timing of my family, without taking #4 into consideration so I am thankful I truly DGAF what others think. 

luckystar28

I haven’t had many comments with this pregnancy since not many know but with my son what irked me most was a friend asking “Was it planned?” I had been married for two years, we had been through one loss at that point and it really rubbed me the wrong way. 

antera23

@bakerstreetboys and @emeraldcity603 I’m sorry people are so insensitive. It makes me mad for you. Family planning is personal and babies are always a blessing! 

When I told my sister I was pregnant she said “we’ll see. I’ll believe it when you’re past the 1st trimester”. 

My coworker (I’m still irritated at her) has said two seperate things. She has told me not to eat out so much because it’s bad for me. Also, when I was having a hard time last week and used some sick time she told me I should really be saving my sick time for maternity leave. Both of those things irritated me because it’s really none of her business what I choose to do and I don’t like being lectured like a teenager. 

emeraldcity603

@antera23 what a heartless comment from your sister. I'm so sorry. 

chachacharrrmin

@antera23 I can't believe you sister would say that! 😣 Ugh, people can be so insensitive!

katertots17

People lose all manners around pregnant people. My mom said she wasn’t posting the Thanksgiving pictures because I haven’t announced my pregnancy and it was obvious in the pictures. It’s not. I’m sure I will get some comments because I have a girl and boy already, so people already have asked why I would possibly want more someday. 

oecmomma

In every social scenario where I haven’t been drinking I have been harassed by “are you pregnant” which i believe is so beyond rude. Got a text “are you pregnant yet?” From someone I’m not close with at all. When there is news to share people will share it with you. Don’t put potentially pregnant women in uncomfortable places when they are trying hard to be discreet. I’ve had to start carying around a glass of wine and even still someone commented I wasn’t drinking from it. Mind your business 

BlondePeanut

Coworker said "oh you must want a boy, i bet you will be so disappointed with another girl, don't you want the perfect family?"
Like hold the f on. First off, no, I am grateful for a healthy baby PERIOD POINT BLANK.
#2 PERFECT FAMILY??? What the heck does that even mean? I think my family is perfect the way it is...gender of children has nothing to do with what makes a family perfect for you.
I was stunned and then instantly pissed as could be.

My response was "actually my family is perfect and we will be blessed with having a healthy baby period, we don't care what the genitals are. but thanks for your off-putting and insensitive comment"
I had much more I wanted to say but I don't need to get in trouble at work for cussing out a moron. 

BlondePeanut

I'm waiting for the comments once I start showing. I was huge with my daughter and people kept saying "wow you must be due really soon, you are so big!" and I was maybe 28 weeks at that point..... 

wendyann19

I’m horrified by all of this. @antera23 both are outrageous, I’m sorry. 

@BlondePeanut good answer, good for you. 

@knottieeeegjjbgg I had someone, not even a family member, who comes to holidays yell across the house “Why aren’t you drinking?! Are you pregnant?!” When she literally sees me twice a year and can’t pretend to know how often I drink. It enraged me because even my family isn’t that on top of my drinking. Joke was on her though bc I was on call for work and shouldn’t be drinking regardless.  

antera23

Thanks for the support guys. I love my sister but she still thinks the world revolves around her. She sees and reacts to every situation through the lens of her own feelings. So me being pregnant again made her think about her feelings and she reacted accordingly without thinking about my feelings. Lately I’ve been noticing her messing up every close relationship in her life because of that. I hope she grows out of it. 

canuckbaby

@antera23 gobsmacked by the comment by your sis. Thats just so insensitive
@BlondePeanut great comeback. Everyone assumes by husband wants a boy. Literally the only thing hes apprehensive about having a girl about is the dolls as a child and then womanly concerns later down road lol. Which is traumatic for everyone lol 

chrssyms

Jeez you guys have experienced some pretty bizarre and/or rude comments. To be honest, maybe I’ve been too self-absorbed to really remember what anyone said when I told them. The most important people were our parents and they were both just over the moon. My mom just started crying and said she was so happy for us. 

We haven’t really told a wide variety of people yet though. Only close friends. Maybe someone has asked me if it was planned, but the honest answer is not really. I mean, my husband and I both understand what the consequences of unprotected sex are at this point but that was actually the first month we decided to just let the chips fall where they may do it has been a bit shocking and hard to believe to be honest. But I can appreciate that it’s really not anyone’s business whether you planned or not - regardless of how many children you currently have or the gender of children you have. 

I expect that that we will all receive a healthy dose of advice or comments that we don’t need. Probably the best thing to do is let it go or confront it when you feel it’s appropriate to stand up for yourself but definitely don’t let it get you down. Those people either aren’t thinking and being stupid or they are being mean. No need to let them waste your time further! 

canuckbaby

Guess its better than this :

battleangel

Friends we told to have help with first time pregnancy (they have a two year old and he’s an angel), the wife said my boobs wouldn’t grow at all because hers didn’t (two cup sizes and COUNTING, girl) and her husband pulled mine aside and said “I’ll be here for you when she starts acting crazy. Because she will”

canuckbaby

@battleangel
 lol how's that any different than any other time? lol or is it just me??

tuxielove93

We haven't gotten anything super rude this time. MIL asked if we could afford that *rolls eyes* but otherwise the responses have been a bit bland. Everyone was pretty over the moon when we told them about DS and now they just don't seem very excited. Which sucks, both for me and for the little peanut. Is this a normal reaction to a second child? 

antera23

Ooooo I’ve got another good (terrible) story. When my SO told his dad that I was pregnant his dad said to him, “are you going to get a different job? Your job is the most underpaid job in (insert area we live in...Oh and his dad is wrong). You need to work on your weight. You’re making yourself unemployable by gaining all that weight. Are you just going to keep gaining weight until you pop one day?” 

Seriously, that’s what his dad had to say. Needless to say their relationship has been strained and since we moved they haven’t spoken once. 

ruby696

Not a current story, but when DH and I told his parents we were expecting baby no. 2, his mom leaned over to him and asked if he was okay. Okay, 1) baby was planned, and 2) if he wasn't okay, did she really think he was going to discuss that with her? In front of me?

kjr9519

@antera23 I am so sorry for what your sister said. She sounds a lot like my sister, honestly. I have to say, I was afraid I would get a similar comment or have people not get excited this early on for me, too.

I was thinking that I hadn’t heard any insensitive comments until I remembered what one of DH’s friends said when she was told. She said “it’s best for mom and baby if you guys stay positive and don’t stress.” She just had a successful pregnancy and has a healthy little boy and she’s never been through any loss. I, on the other hand, am PGAL, so while I know it’s better if I don’t stress, it’s going to happen some. And she’s never been in my shoes to know what it’s like in the slightest to tell me how to handle this pregnancy. It also further frustrated me that days later, she made a very pointed Facebook post about how terrible it was that someone said she almost had her pre-baby body back, and I wanted to chime in “Speaking of unwanted comments...” but I’m just not that confrontational.

luckystar28

@tuxielove93 Oh yes, the fanfare has been quite limited for this little guy compared to the standing ovation my first son received. It’s like, “oh congrats! cool. moving on. so did you watch the end of the game last night?” Haha it’s quite sad  

Erin1510

I guess I’m fortunate I haven’t heard anything negative. Or at least nothing I took as negative. 

I did get a few people asking if it was planned, which I expected because our son is almost 5 so it’s a larger gap than expected. 

ki1244

@antera23 that's seriously jawdropping what your sister said. How is that even a human response?!

@canuckbaby 100% had someone ask me if I was sure I wasn't pregnant three years ago, while looking straight at my waist. While on my period. Absolutely was not, and was only about 10 pounds outside of "normal" weight range at the time. (He was an old guy with no filter but still.)

Only thing anyone had said that's bugged me (and there have been a few who have said this) is I TOLD YOU SO! in regard to us deciding to try for kids. I was not remotely interested in kids up until about a year ago, while most of my friends were having their first (and second) and I was enjoying not having them, but a few insisted I would change my mind. The fact that my heart changed on it has literally nothing to do with them, and TBH I'm not a huge fan of their kids anyway (the ones dropping the ITYS comments, I mean). If anything their kids kind of discouraged me. But by comparison, that's pretty tame.

This thread is totally entertaining from a spectator perspective. 

KissMeImScottish

This one actually happened after my twins were born, not before, but I was genuinely shocked out of a response, especially since I wasn’t pregnant anymore. I was finishing up my shopping at the commissary and saw an older gentleman in the store, who commented that I must have my hands full with my 3 under 2 (my oldest is 20 months older than the twins). I just smiled and said I heard that a lot. I left and got everything packed into the car and drove next door to top up my gas, which I do on base because it’s cheaper than in town. I ended up at the pump behind the same gentleman from the commissary, who looked at me and said “you survived!” I laughed and said yeah, no worries, I’m used to it. He the. Said something along the lines of “You’ll keep busy, chasing after them all day. It’ll help you lose the rest of that baby weight!” I remember just kind of awkwardly laughing but I was genuinely shocked that he felt it was appropriate to comment on my weight at all. Especially because, not that it matters, but I only gained 36 lbs with the twins and because of the pre-e, a good portion of it was swelling. I walked out of the hospital 40 lbs lighter than I walked in, which means I actually had a net gain of -3 lbs to “lose the baby weight”. I had been feeling pretty good before he decided to voice his opinion.

I also remember, when I was pregnant with my first, I was discussing with my brother the decision my husband and I had made together for me to be a stay at home mom and my brother (who didn’t mean to insult me, but it hurt at the time) blurted out “But don’t you want to, like...contribute to society?”

canuckbaby

@ki1244 i am with you on the not having that ticking time bomb internal clock that has my ovaries screaming. I hadnt full on ruled out kids but it annoys me being asked it constantly so went into survival mode by saying never ever. We have a neice and nephew we spoil and have done a good deal of traveling. Not that its anyones business what "changed my mind" but my husbands doctor told him at a check up one day last year that if we werent planning on having kids he should get snipped. The thought of permanently being no definitely made me cringe and i told my husband to hold off on that but hes the one who brought up baby making last Christmas. We would prob have already had a kid had we not been going to Jamaica in the spring.

ncm1919

I’ve tried to be a little graceful with weird comments. Mostly I think they stem from people feeling awkward and not knowing what to say. Unless they’re blatantly awful or mean I typically let the old lady/old men comment slide if I can. It’s funny that people feel the need to comment on your person, the act that got you that way or your decisions to add more children to your family. I liken it to at a funeral when people say weird things or just don’t know how to comfort you. 

This is zen me speaking who got a nice nights sleep and was able to pretend I didn’t have a job for 4 days. Once I’m knee deep in emails at 11a today, I’m sure the woman who told someone in the grocery store to get fucked when they commented on my body last pregnancy will be back with a vengeance 

oecmomma

@ncm1919 🤣 get fucked. I like your style! I was super zen when my best gf was pregnant telling her the same thing that people just don’t know what to say. Now that im pregnant every little thing is annoying me.

 My step mom said to me “you’re not going to name the baby something weird are you”

like what constitutes weird? Different strokes for different folks

this same stepmom doesn’t want to get TDAP shot when the time comes 🙄

ohheyitsb

I've been dying to reply to this all weekend but the bump app has been weird.

My office mate made the comment on Friday "I'm so glad you are eating again!" when I had a sandwich for lunch. I've not talked to her much about the pregnancy and only disclosed because I felt bad constantly puking into my trash bin lol....we aren't that close otherwise... So I immediately got prickly over the idea I was being watched. I also have a history of disordered eating so it was incredibly triggering. Like, fuck off, you aren't my mom. Or my therapist.

If anyone likes to read and is looking for a laugh and maybe some solutions to people with opinions... I would recommend checking out "Good Manners for Nice People Who Sometimes Say F*ck" by Amy Alkon. It's science humor about etiquette and how to deal with assholes (accidental and not). I really enjoyed it and it's coming in handy now!

harrierwife

Okay, this thread genuinely made me angry. I'm so sorry you guys had to hear some of this BS. 

I haven't had any comments like these at all, but we've been very, very selective about who we've told so far. Our parents and families don't know yet. The only ones that know are a few and select group of friends who responded just the way we thought they would. 

However, my best friend got the WORST comments from her mother. They've always had a very strained relationship with some teenage verbal and emotional abuse scarring thrown in the mix. Her mother would complain in front of friends and family (I witnessed this myself on several occasions) that her daughter was a "fat mother", that she didn't want to share pics of her daughter during her pregnancy because she just "looked fat, and not pregnant at all - people will surely point that out!" and was really upset that my friend was gaining weight. She thought she shouldn't gain any at all, or even lose a few because she had so much to begin with. 

Now, let me tell you, my friend is not fat. She's what I call "All-American" - I, myself, am "All American", too. Its that sweet spot between "normal" and "thick". We're the girls that work out but also love cake. 

People suck, man. 

marijaa333

Yep, so many people are clueless and thoughtless. I don't think the "old person" excuse is valid either. There are thankfully also plenty of perfectly nice old people who would never think to dish out these comments.