Randoms and Questions 4.3-4.7

KMD1106

I hope no one minds that I started this. What's everyone up to this week? How are you all doing?

KMD1106

How everyone doing emotionally? Just this morning, I had the, "Crap, what am I doing having another one?" Third time moms and more, please tell me I can handle two kids! I'm getting nervous about the attempt at breastfeeding (didn't go well with DD, done after 2 months), trying to get out of the house with DD this summer with an infant, managing road trips with an infant, finding enough time for both kids to feel like they're getting enough attention...the list goes on.

BabyMC517

@KMD1106 FTM here so no experience to provide, but I can give some encouragement! You'll do great! I'm sure there will be a bit of an adjustment period, but you'll get the hang of it!  

My work week seems pretty light so far. I hate sitting in my office chair, or sitting in general! I feel like I'm squishing the little guy because he sits so low, which also makes it worse on my cervix. It just hurts to sit, very uncomfortable. Pretty sure lightening crotch is involved, although its not really where I would have expected. The SI belt I ordered should be delivered today! I'm hoping that will help a little! 

OB appointment this afternoon, I think its just a regular check in. Thursday we have our first Lamaze class! Let the games begin! 

WombThereItIs

For the first time in almost 2.5 years we have a sitter for a toddler sick day. I'm trying to focus on work but instead I'm basking in how amazing this feels. Since we have no family or anything within 2,000+ miles this is a huge deal. It's always been daycare or me calling out of work. 

Little man looks like he's doing better so tomorrow should be fine for daycare but I didn't want to gamble and have him get kicked out today when I have to leave town tomorrow and leave my husband in a jam (damn you 24 hour rule!) 

In baby related news I also am getting some of the daunting second baby feelings @KMD1106 I was unpackaging some swaddle sleep sacks for this baby and my toddler asked me why I looked sad! Ha. Intuitive kid! We told him mommy has a lot of mixed up feelings right now but I love him very much. 

Kipperoo

@KMD1106 , I think you are living in my brain. I spent the whole weekend feeling really sad about adding baby #2 to this mix...and every time I tried to pull myself out of the sadness by focusing on this little one to come, I found myself getting sad for her because I don't have the same excitement that I did with DS. And it's all compounded by the fact that I feel like absolute crap. This past weekend was our last one without visitors before next week's induction and so it felt like the end of an era. I just can't wrap my head around how this is all going to work out with a new baby, but I know I will figure it out when I have to. Also, I'm just not really an emotional person in my normal life, so these emotions are REALLY throwing me for a loop.

@WombThereItIs , that 24 hour rule is a killer! Given that most sicknesses are contagious at the onset, it really doesn't make much sense. Enjoy your sitter day! I understand what a luxury that is given that our family is all on the other side of the country...

KMD1106

@Kipperoo, I'm right there with you. I'm not usually very emotional, but feeling all the feels lately!

RainyDays86

+1 to all the feelings about adding another baby to the mix. Lying on bed with DS last night trying to get him to sleep I was wondering how I'm going to survive this, while also wondering how I'm ever going to love another person as much as I love DS. So many feelings!!

BeachMommy2B

@kmd1106 I've been feeling the same way. I got so sad this weekend that it's not just going to be the three of us. Sorry I don't have any advice. I know they say you can love both kids the same, but how is this possible when DD has been around for 3 years It's not that i don't think i love this baby, I guess I just don't know how I won't favor DD at first...

livin541

It's reassuring to hear that other soon to be STMs are having the same thoughts and feelings! I feel sad for this baby when I start to second guess things, but there are definitely moments where I am so unsure about this. At least we can't go back now! There are times my toddler pushes me so far that it really makes me question my parenting skills and whether or not I can balance/handle two kids. 

slowmo

Count me in on all the feels waiting for baby No. 2. I've had some challenging days lately with my son (2.5), and that makes me so anxious about how it's going to be when I throw a newborn in the mix. I've been especially worried about the return of sleepless nights. My kid may be nuts during the day sometimes, but he has been a champion sleeper lately. My biggest consolation is remembering how worried I was last time, and how I survived. We all did. We've got this. Right?

jayandaplus

FTM here, but y'all decided to add another member to the family for a reason. Plus, you're all obviously awesome moms, so this LO will benefit from you as a parent just as much as your first one.

I'm sick. I'm usually a trooper when I'm sick and have to be told to call out/rest, but I actually was hoping to have a fever today so I could justify calling out. No fever, but I hurt so bad all over. Headache, terrible cough and sore throat. Today I feel like I have a man cold.

KMD1106

@slowmo, we don't have a choice anymore, so we've surely got this! It's reassuring to be in the same boat with ladies I know are great moms and will be great STMs. I'm thankful to be going through this uncertain, but hopefully crazy good time with you ladies!

jayandaplus

Okay, I know FTMs love to ask about Braxton Hicks, so don't hate me for asking. But I don't feel like I've had them. I'll get what feels like a menstrual cramp, sometimes one-sided. I don't think that's it. I read a ton about what BH feel like yesterday, and this morning had a "tightening"-- BUT to me it felt less "contraction"-like and more like baby just pushing against my skin and stretching to make my belly skin tight. It's not painful, but I thought BH were a sign of dehydration, so it makes me nervous I'm not drinking enough?

ChristinaWild

+1 on the nerves about adding a second kiddo to the mix. DS is such a handful at times, that I get smacked in the face with anxiety at the idea of dealing with toddler meltdowns (OH THE FEELINGS!!!!!!!!!) on top of the early days of having a newborn. Also, at the same time, I feel terrible because every time someone asks me about this pregnancy, my go to answer is to say how ready I am for it to be over. It's just been more difficult than my first, and I am sick of hurting all over and not being able to keep up with DS. 

Also, a little random, but I thought maybe someone else might benefit from this. At my weekly chiropractor appointment last week, I mentioned that I thought I might have SPD and explained why. She paid special attention to my pelvic area, which helped so much, and agrees that I likely do (getting it confirmed this week). Anyway, she recommended me using this wedge pillow thing when sitting at my desk or driving for more that 10-15 minutes. I started using it on Friday, and it has made a noticeable difference in how I feel when I stand up after sitting for a while. https://www.amazon.com/Seat-Solution-Orthopedic-Cushion/dp/B000136P8C

clebl24

+1 on STM anxiety. My biggest concern is DS's adjustment. I'm making a point to do lots of "big boy" fun activities in the next few weeks.   I'm also a little worried about whether DH will pick up his slack in the parent department.  He's a great dad, but sometimes I feel like I'm pulling teeth to get him to so something as simple as bath time (and 9 times out of 10, I still diaper and dress after bath if he gives the bath).  

hp_momma

You guys, this is baby #3 and I STILL wonder "what am I doing adding another one?!" I remember all those feelings your having right before I had DD2 and now I'm feeling them again. I worry about if DD1 is going to feel pushed compeltely to the side since she's pretty self sufficient and I worry about my little baby in DD2 and how her whole world is going to change. I'm soaking in all the cuddles and hugs and probably carrying her far more often than my doctor would like. 

But then I look back at when DD1 met DD2 and how excited she was and how much she loved being my big helper with her baby sister. I can't imagine what it would have been like not adding a second child. They really do have such a sweet bond and it really has added to our family so much. 

starphish18

jayandaplus said:

Okay, I know FTMs love to ask about Braxton Hicks, so don't hate me for asking. But I don't feel like I've had them. I'll get what feels like a menstrual cramp, sometimes one-sided. I don't think that's it. I read a ton about what BH feel like yesterday, and this morning had a "tightening"-- BUT to me it felt less "contraction"-like and more like baby just pushing against my skin and stretching to make my belly skin tight. It's not painful, but I thought BH were a sign of dehydration, so it makes me nervous I'm not drinking enough?

I'm a FTM, too, so not the expert on this. However, I've only noticeably felt what I assume are BH twice. Both times, it was like a wrap-around compressing my belly tightly. The whole area got hard for maybe 20ish seconds, and then relaxed. I've had other cramping sensations that I don't think are BH. Also, many women don't feel their BH, so you might be having them but not know. Or, you might just not be having them yet!

hp_momma

clebl24 said:

+1 on STM anxiety. My biggest concern is DS's adjustment. I'm making a point to do lots of "big boy" fun activities in the next few weeks.   I'm also a little worried about whether DH will pick up his slack in the parent department.  He's a great dad, but sometimes I feel like I'm pulling teeth to get him to so something as simple as bath time (and 9 times out of 10, I still diaper and dress after bath if he gives the bath).  

I feel like DD1 and DHs bond grew so much when DD2 came. Every morning she gets up a little earlier and they have time eating breakfast. He takes her to do errands when he can. Don't get me wrong, I still feel like it's pulling teeth sometimes to get him to do everyday parent things! 

WombThereItIs

jayandaplus said:

Okay, I know FTMs love to ask about Braxton Hicks, so don't hate me for asking. But I don't feel like I've had them. I'll get what feels like a menstrual cramp, sometimes one-sided. I don't think that's it. I read a ton about what BH feel like yesterday, and this morning had a "tightening"-- BUT to me it felt less "contraction"-like and more like baby just pushing against my skin and stretching to make my belly skin tight. It's not painful, but I thought BH were a sign of dehydration, so it makes me nervous I'm not drinking enough?

I wouldn't be super nervous about dehydration. It is pretty easy to get caught up and its not like your fluid is going to try up and baby will turn into a raisin! If I start to get crampy or uncomfortable I make a note I need to sit down and drink when I have a minute and it's generally fine. Sometimes I'm in toddler mom mode and tell my belly she has to wait her turn and we will get her water when I have a minute. STM chill I guess? 

You could also be having some round ligament pain, mine is often one sided. Painful movements are totally a thing too as they get cramped in there, feel free to nudge baby back and sometimes they'll move. Plus BH can be a normal part of your body slowly getting ready so it may mean nothing. 

Im all for using them as an excuse to take a break with a tea lemonade from Starbucks though  

BabyMC517

Random question: for those of you who registered at BRU and have had your shower, when does the 10% discount certificate come in? Did you get it via snail mail or through email? Just curious...I know my shower was just yesterday, but I'm a a planner so I was looking at what we will still need because we got some gift cards that I can use. We, also, received gift cards for Amazon and I'm so excited because of the completion discount on there too! Thinking of getting the necessary things that aren't as expensive to really make the gift cards last  

mamatowildones

@KMD1106 oh I totally get it. When I was closing in on the end of my second pregnancy I started to panic that I wouldn't be able to handle it. I will say there was one night, one of our first nights home, where I cried and told DH I don't think I can do this. But, that was it and it just became easier as time passed. I made sure to wear my newbie a lot so I had hands free for DS1. Also I took him out just us two within the first few days on a target run for some chocolate milk from Starbucks and some dollar section fun while DH watched the baby. 
Breastfeeding with my first was terrible too. I was dried up by 3 months and he hasn't gained enough at 2 months and I had to start formula immediately. I felt like a failure. Don't let yourself go there. You do what you have to do and watching them thrive is the most  important no matter how that happens. With my second breastfeeding was much better and we made it to 9 months and then the other 3 I mixed breastmilk from my stash and formula to get us to 12 months and it was great. This time I have a much more open mind. My goal is 12 months but who knows. And I'm not afraid to have formula on hand anymore. If he needs it then he needs it. 
The second baby for us was more just along for the ride and ended up being more laid back because of it. Plus when they get older it's so awesome to watch their sibling relationship start to grow closer. You can do it! There will be hard emotional days, but the good days and days where you feel like stuff just flowed great, will far outnumber the days you lock yourself in the bathroom for a quick cry. 

inomniaparatus2

@BabyMC517 I got both BRU and Amazon 60 days before due date. Amazon was under your registry click on that, add items to your cart and check out. For BRU it came snail mail on the same day. You can use it in store or online. It was hard for me to wait too but then you get everything and then wait again. 

mamatowildones

I am excited for the last 4 weeks but also terrified he'll come too soon and my mom and sister and starting to upset me. Although, the don't realize it. They're being awesome and telling me they'll be here to watch the boys and help out for our first days home if we need. But my sister is a preschool teacher and she is telling me that she's on spring break next week and so "now the pressure is on you to have him then" ummmmm no! I just responded I'm happy to have the help and excited for baby but want him to be healthy and strong and stay in as long as possible. She has four kids, she should know better. I'm very hormonal about this though so I shouldn't just jump to anger and annoyance. Sometimes it can't be helped. I'm ready for regulated hormones again!

KMD1106

mamatowildones, thank you for the encouragement!

BabyMC517

SWE2 said:

@BabyMC517 I got both BRU and Amazon 60 days before due date. Amazon was under your registry click on that, add items to your cart and check out. For BRU it came snail mail on the same day. You can use it in store or online. It was hard for me to wait too but then you get everything and then wait again. 

hmm I don't remember receiving the BRU one in the mail...I'll have to go through my stuff to see if I can find it. If not, I'll give them a call! The amazon one is super easy! BRU should do it that way, too! It showed up as available March 22, but obviously we were waiting until after the shower. Thanks for the info!!

psherman42wwsa

add me to the list of criers' this weekend about adding another baby to the family. I wrote my DS a card about becoming a big brother and how much I love him (I'm tearing up thinking about it)... I'm trying to put the finishing touches on his baby book before new baby comes along. Also I was thinking what kind of letter I'm going to write to new baby in his book... I feel like the letter to my DS before he was born was way better....  I also bought way more of a simple book for this baby that way I don't have much to fill out... gosh 2nd kid problems...

nda_roxybabe

I can not seem to wake up this morning. I totally need a nap.

We had an amazing/ productive weekend. My work surprised me with a baby shower on Friday and I received a very generous Amazon gift card. We were able to order everything we wanted off of our registry. Then we got my stroller (OMG Yay! You know how excited I am about that!) and ordered the rocker, which will be in next week. It was so nice to get things checked off and spend some fun time with H (we love shopping, haha).

llenadevida900

@hp_momma @mamatowildones  thank you for those words! Even though we all "know" we can do it, it really helps to hear from those btdt.

mcvgal

For all the soon to be STMs, you're heart just grows bigger with each additional child. And while there may be less one on one time, what you are giving each child has no price. I love watching the bond my boys have formed. Yes they my fight over toys and want to push each other out of the way, but when they hug each other and say "brother hug". I know we made the right choice. There's just something so special about watching DS1 trying to teach or explain something to DS2. It is a struggle but it us so very worth it.

You all will make great STMs.

hp_momma

WombThereItIs said:

Im all for using them as an excuse to take a break with a tea lemonade from Starbucks though  

Now I need a Mango Black Tea Lemonade. 

emilyalso

I don't worry about having enough love to go around, but I HAVE recently begun to worry about having enough energy to go around! There are days when I am counting down the minutes until my husband gets home, because I don't know how I will entertain DS any longer. Now there will be TWO! 

This may be the pessimist/hypothetical planner in me... but has anyone thought about having any sort of emergency birth kit around? What if they come SUPER fast?! (If this line of thinking strikes fear in your heart, do NOT google 'accidental home birth!')

MoshiMoshi7

I've been having anxiety all weekend about adding another to our family and it was so nice to open this thread this morning and realize I'm not alone. Things have been going so well with DS lately (knock on wood) that I keep feeling like I've completely ruined it by adding a second. @ChristinaWild that has been my go to reaction when people ask about this pregnancy as well, which makes me feel guilty. But I've also felt guilty about not being able to keep up with DS or have much fun because of SPD. Too many feelings!

I wasn't planning on having a baby shower this pregnancy mostly because I didn't feel like I needed one. On Saturday, one of my friends surprised me with a sprinkle/early birthday dinner and it was so nice! It definitely made turning 30 not so bad.

hp_momma

For everyone worried about bringing another baby into the family, I just walked by the nursery to see DD1 and DD2 pretending with their baby dolls that they were "reading to baby brother".

NotAPlaya-JustCrushAlot

I had STM anxiety the last 2 weekends for different reasons.  The first was because DD was devil child last weekend and I was worried I couldn't handle 2 kids after that fiasco.  The second was because DD was frickin' awesome this weekend.  We had a packed weekend full of a ton of activities that should have worn her down and turned her into a monster, but she was just so damn agreeable and sweet.  So I felt bad for ruining our little 3-some (I know, I know).  I was the first born child of my family and vaguely remember having mom and dad to myself.  I'm not scarred by my sister's arrival, but I look back on the three of us very fondly.  I love to tell my sister about how she violently kicked me out of the nest.  I'm hoping to use that shared experience to bond with DD after baby.

nda_roxybabe

Here's a dumb random: Can I drive whilst in labor? For instance, if I go into labor while at work can I head home and have H drive us to the hospital? I'm guessing it may depend how progressed I am/ what kind of pain.

BabyMC517

I've thought the same thing @nda_roxybabe! I work, and live, an hour away from our hospital! H works in the opposite direction to where we would meet in the middle. I suppose it would depend how bad contractions are and how close together, but I have no idea! I asked my boss, who I'm really close with, if she would drive me if I went into labor at work! She said of course and I think is secretly hoping I do haha

rkstro2

@nda_roxybabe I don't know the answer to that for sure but if I am at work I plan on either having DH pick me up at work (i.e. Labor at work til her gets there), asking a co worker to drive me, or calling 911.  I feel like it might not be very safe to drive as you don't know what will happen as far as progression and all.  

Eta: hooray that you got your stroller!!! 

livin541

I drove early on while having mild contractions, but during full blown labor even being a passenger was rough. I would not have been able to safely drive. 

psherman42wwsa

nda_roxybabe said:

Here's a dumb random: Can I drive whilst in labor? For instance, if I go into labor while at work can I head home and have H drive us to the hospital? I'm guessing it may depend how progressed I am/ what kind of pain.

This was my plan last time and sort of still is this time. Last time my water broke and then contractions started shortly after and were manageable for a couple hours, so I could have driven home from work if needed. I read somewhere that first time moms typically go labor at home during the night (something about your body being more relaxed) and I was just hoping that is what would happen to me - and it did luckily. Actually... all the first time moms I know that went into labor on their own were at home at the time.

saric83

Another one for alllllll the STM feels, anxiety and tears!  DH was out of town this weekend at his brother's bachelor party, and I alternated between counting down the seconds until he got home to help with my adorably clingy 22-month old and wanting him to stay away a bit longer, so I got all of the cuddles to myself while feeling SO guilty about bringing another little human into the mix soon.  Bleh.  Adulting is hard.

Random question that is a quasi-gear one, but has anyone had a previous kiddo with flat-head issues?  If so, are you planning to do anything differently this time with different gear or anything like that?

DS had pretty severe brachycephaly by about two-months old (partially from being a sleeping rock star who slept through the night at four weeks and partially due to lovely family genetics of giant heads, so he had a lack of space in me and had a 102% sized head that was nearly done growing by six months that limited our time of intervention) and ended up in a helmet, which was fine and worked pretty well for him, but obviously we want to avoid it this time around if we can.  

We already wore or held him nearly all of his waking hours (except when I was pumping, so no EP this time for me), so if DD is as good of a sleeper as DS, our doc and therapist pretty much said the only thing we can do is to have multiple sleeping areas to shake it up a bit.  We're planning on alternating between mini-crib and RnP like last time, but we'll probably have the PnP and some kind of bouncy seat set up too.  Any other things folks are doing to help prevent?

pshaortao

+1 on adding another kid as well. I have my moments where I'm like oh crap, what have I done? But we can totally do this! And we have this amazing group to lean on for support. My last BMB helped soooo much and they still do. I also get these moments where I just look at DD and get sad that she won't be my only anymore to give my full attention to. But I'm also excited to see her become a big sister. She will kiss my belly if she bumps or elbow it too hard (from trying to snuggle) which makes me heart melt every freakin time.

Also.. DH even expressed concern the other day about how I will handle two kids alone. Me with very bad sleep = more likely to lash out or meltdown. I cried more than DD did in the early weeks, and again before we did sleep training. I resented DH a lot because I used to go to bed when DD did and he would stay up for another 4-5 hours enjoying all that downtime to himself and I just felt like I had a baby on my boobs 24/7 and had no sense of self anymore. I was not very good about expressing myself at the time, but I'm happy to report is not the case anymore. I hope that any moms who feel like they're struggling will speak up here and I will happily support you to go and ask for help, and give all the creepy internet hugs etc.

@jayandaplus Feel better! I hate how bad this season has been with illnesses in our area! DD is finally on the mend, DH has been miserable all weekend and I'm just bracing myself and hoping I don't get anything. I hope you can get sent home so you can get the rest you need. Also regarding BH.. I never really had them with DD as a FTM except for a couple of hikes where we didn't bring enough water. I did have a lot of uncomfortable sensations whenever she moved a certain way.