Worried =(

Twinkz · March 2011

DH's grandmother died really suddenly yesterday afternoon. The wake is scheduled for Sunday and the funeral is Monday. DH has been told the details but one of my SILs just contacted me with the info to make sure DH had gotten everything right. When she told me what time I told her that we'll be there God willing - it's a little over an hour drive each way. Her response was, if you're a few minutes late we'll understand... What if I'm at the hospital? Are we going to be looked down on? Will DH be expected to leave me and go to the funeral or the wake? He said this evening that if the baby is born on Saturday or Sunday he's going. I've been increasingly crampy since about 6 this morning, nothing timeable but still increasingly crampy. I know my inlaws would be really upset if we didn't make it and they already don't like me... what if I end up unable to go? Or am too afraid to go? It's close to 2 hours from the funeral home to the hospital... My doctor and his practice only deliver at one hospital so it's not like I could go to one closer to their tiny town either, I'd be a high risk patient at a random hospital with a random doctor who doesn't know my case and likely doesn't have a NICU.

I know I'm pregnant and irrational but I just feel like I could very well cause a bunch of extra drama and stress ... please stay inside baby! You have to wait until this is all over so I'm not more of an outcast Sad

ncbelle · March 2011

Sorry for your loss.

Honestly, I wouldn't go to a funeral 2 hours away a week before my due date - especially since you say you are high risk! I also think it's unreasonable for your DH to go if you are in labor or in the hospital.

Sorry your in-laws are making you feel guilty. Sounds like DH needs to have a chat with them about how unrealistic it is to expect you to travel at this point.

Twinkz · March 2011

Thanks. DH said he wouldn't go if I was in labor, only if the baby was already born, and honestly I think he'd change his mind if that actually played out that way. My MIL was told her due date was the week of Christmas and she had DH on Feb 7th via c-section so there are a whole heap of unrealistic expectations - we were even told by MIL and SILs that we're to call them one hour before the baby is born (as if we're psychic and can correctly pinpoint how long I'll push)

I just feel so overwhelmed - not going won't go over well but going freaks me out.

nici84 · March 2011

i am very sorry for the loss. and i hope your lo doesnt come and make it so you cant go to at least the funeral. but think of it this way, if you go to the funeral and your water breaks, or labor starts you can make some sort of a big deal! and if your hospitalis a few hrs away, go straight there. give dh permission to speed (safely) call the hospital on the way there. it will be the scariest few hrs ever. but if you breath, dont push you should make it. if dh gets pulled over most police are understanding. they do not want to deliver a baby.

other option, stay home and hope lo doesnt come. basically id come up w/ an emergency plan w/ dh.

tistampsup · March 2011

I'm so sorry for your family's loss. Try not to stress about it. I know. Easier said than done. Honestly, I think you should just stay home. Let DH go. I'm sure he'll come home if something were to happen.

BunintheOven311 · March 2011

Sorry for your loss and DH's. We talked about this recently since my DH's grandmother wasn't doing so well recently and lives a little bit farther but still...I wasnt going to go and if it happened a week before or after my due date niether of us were going to go. As much as that stinks I really think you should think about you and your babies health. If your IL's cannot understand that then they have a problem. If DH can go and he thinks he can get back in enough time if you go into labor then I think thats best.

MicahAnn2009 · March 2011

I too am sorry for you guys loss and the timing of the whole thing. Just Sunday DH and I took an almost 2 hr road trip and we agreed that at the very first sign of labor we were leaving and heading to the hospital. If we are home when labor starts, we aren't jumping in the car and going right that second but knowing that if anything started while not being so close to home we had a plan, that made me more relaxed and comfortable. I was 2 cm and 80% effaced and 38 + weeks. I think y'all can make some sort of compromise. My DH's best friend is getting married today several hours away and I had told him baby was born before, I would be okay with him going to the wedding but now that we are 39+ weeks, 3cm, and 100% I just can't see him being more than hr away at a time....I hope this works out for you guys and your in laws realize this isn't anything personal towards them.

amethyst1220 · March 2011

ncbelle:

Sorry for your loss.

Honestly, I wouldn't go to a funeral 2 hours away a week before my due date - especially since you say you are high risk! I also think it's unreasonable for your DH to go if you are in labor or in the hospital.

Sorry your in-laws are making you feel guilty. Sounds like DH needs to have a chat with them about how unrealistic it is to expect you to travel at this point.

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