Feeling a bit awkward about it, but can I ask for some sex advice? More details in the spoiler.
For some brief context, my husband and I were both virgins when we got married two and a half years ago, and he had some anxiety around sex that we worked through over the first year or so. Things continued to improve over the following year, and then we got pregnant!
However, we still have some difficulty with any position other than
missionary (the angle never feels right and I end up in some discomfort,
so we never get very far). And obviously missionary is becoming more
and more uncomfortable as my belly gets bigger.
We've started
trying some different positions but haven't had much success so far.
We can't seem to figure out the angle/logistics. Just wondering if anyone else is having difficulties (or has in the
past) and what's working for you.
Me: 30 // Hubs: 31 Married May 2019 Baby #1 due April 19, 2022
Yeah, missionary gets uncomfortable with the belly. I think the two positions that my worked best through pregnancy were doggy style and laying on my side (whatever that ones called).
Try spooning. The angle can take a little work to get right, but you can adjust by leaning forward (farther away from him) to start and then if you want to, get yourself closer as it gets more comfortable. And as with any position, make sure you "warm up" first! Good luck!
@missa_lyssa I'd recommend seeing a pelvic floor physical therapist for sure. ANY pain during sex is not normal - common, but not normal.
I also really recommend following Kristin B Hodgson and Vanessa Marin on IG. They're both sex therapists with great free info. Vanessa Marin actually has a sex position book? kit? download? I don't know what to call it. But I've seen some samples of it and the info it contains and it's probably what you're looking for. It has directions on how to move, how to adjust, which ones are good for different body types (including pregnant bellies but also things like disabilities or drastic height differences), etc.
DH and I were both virgins when we got married, too! I feel like our sex life has been a journey because like you said, it definitely felt awkward in the beginning. Missionary doesn’t work for everyone, especially with a growing belly. For me with my first, I liked to be on top so I had more control. You can also try bending forward over a bed with pillows to support your upper half and have your partner stand behind. And don’t be afraid to have fun and laugh about things when it doesn’t go right! Enjoy the time you guys are having together, even if it isn’t going exactly as planned. I think that was one big lesson I had to learn, to not take things so seriously or expect to be perfect and a sex goddess every single time.
I second doggy style and woman on top. Also a variation of doggy style I guess, but standing/leaning against your bed or dresser or whatever with him behind you gives you plenty of belly space.
Like @doxiemoxie212 said, if what you’re feeling is painful, see a pelvic floor PT ASAP. Better to work it out sooner rather than later, especially with baby on the way.
I think a lot of it comes down to be open with each other and having a willingness to try new things, even if they’re awkward or don’t end up going the way you planned. I appreciate the Bare Marriage podcast because it really breaks down a lot about men’s and women’s expectations vs reality when it comes to sex, and is very practical!
Is anyone else starting to plan out a babymoon? Last time we stayed at a resort and got a massage and lounged at a pool. This time, I kind of assumed no babymoon and my husband was like, that is a must. So no I'm planning when my parents come up for Christmas to just stay in town at a nice hotel downtown for 2 nights and get massages and generally eat at some restaurants we have missed out on for the last 5 years. Anyone else making plans?
@rbflei we went to Gatlinburg for a few nights over our anniversary. That server as a baby moon for us as well! Originally I wanted to pop down to Florida early next year, but with twins I have to be more cautious about how late and far I travel, so that wouldn’t have been smart.
@rbflei We are going to Whistler for two nights in a couple of weeks! Just to get away and have two nights to celebrate With Covid we aren't comfortable with going on going very far (despite being vaccinated), but still think it is important that we do something. This will also be our first baby. I say DO IT!! Haha
@Covergirl137 Hi - did I miss that you’re in BC? I miss going to whistler, but since my favourite things up there are Scandinave and the food/wine scene, I’m waiting until baby is out to go haha!
@doula-mama I am in BC!! Fair enough. I know, I'm bummed about the spa but we are still going to enjoy good food, walks with our dogs, and hopefully some festive atmosphere. 😊 Haven't been anywhere in two years so it will be a nice change of scenery.
We are planning a trip to San Francisco between Christmas and New Year’s! Neither of us have really traveled to the western US, and we both really want to see some redwood trees. I’m a little nervous about traveling, but frankly, I always get some travel anxiety regardless of pandemics 😆 so I’m just going to try to relax and enjoy myself!
Me: 30 // Hubs: 31 Married May 2019 Baby #1 due April 19, 2022
I think if we do anything it'll be a staycation type thing here in Nashville. There's about a billion new hotels that keep popping up so there's plenty to choose from.
@missa_lyssa Muir Woods is one of my favorite places on earth. I am so obsessed with Stinson Beach, Sausalito, SF. We usually rent an AirBNb in the woods north of the city in Marin and just totally reset. That will be an awesome trip!!
We are going to Hawaii for Thanksgiving. We have family there and are bringing the kids and just renting a condo, but DH and I will skip away for a night at the Four Seasons and some nice spa time.
If you aren't renting a car, and you're interested in visiting Marin, you can take the ferry to Larkspur Landing, and the Marin Country Mart is like an upscale outdoor mall type thing with nice restaurants and expensive shops, but it's a great place for kids to run around. A short drive away (not walkable) is downtown Larkspur, and there's a restaurant called Perry's that's pretty kid friendly and has absolutely adorable outdoor seating with string lights and even big screen TVs lol and heat lamps in a giant redwood grove. Across the street is a playground in the redwoods that I call dark park, but I don't think that's its actual name.
Also this probably goes without saying, but you never know - some people think California = warm. Expect it to be cold. And expect it to be colder than you expect it to be - ie, for whatever reason everything out here feels at least 10 degrees colder than the same temps on the east coast do. (I lived in NYC for 10+ years so I'm not just a California bb about cold lol)
@baby422 ideally something with protein, fat and carbs. Are you not able to have peanuts and tree nuts or just one? DH is allergic to tree nuts, so I'll do peanut butter with apples or peanut butter and crackers.
The deal with heartburn, though, is that ideally you should walk around for 20-30 min after eating, otherwise really anything you eat puts you at risk of heartburn especially in pregnancy.
I've been super into chopped veggies and hummus or Tzatziki. Especially as a late night snack when I'm snack hungry and looking for crunchy salty goodness. Also we got an air popper and do some popcorn then I can control butter and salt. Have you seen that ad for night food? It's ice cream that is higher in protein no high fructose corn syrup and like added tryptophan and B6. I've been curious and they only sell at Walmart and that's not on my weekly route.
Has anyone or is anyone experiencing a lot of pressure down there? I am 17 weeks 5 days and feel a ton of pressure. This could be completely normal however I am not sure. Yesterday I had some (not a ton) fluid come out again not sure what it was it could have been urination but I don’t really feel like I needed to urinate at the time. Once again could be normal.
I went on Monday to MFM for cervical check and I measured at 3.2. I’m in the normal range but on the low normal range. I saw my regular OB yesterday but did not do another cervical check because of the one that was done on Monday. However we discussed doing prophylactic cervical cerclage because I am on the lower end of cervical length and my previous history. I was suppose to MFM on November 22 for another cervical check but the OB wants me to get in this following Monday November 15. MFM was closed on Friday so I can’t speak with them until Monday. Baby was good and heartbeat was great yesterday.
Back story is I have been pregnant before with baby boy twins. I lost them at stillborn at 22 weeks due to incompetent cervix. So now I am wondering am I being overly anxious or should I be concerned?
@arfricks1130 that’s such a tough call. I am also being monitored for length because I’ve previously had leep and cone, and I and was 3.3 last week. The MFM said they normally don’t do cerclage unless there is a previous history (which you have, obv). For me we are checking every two weeks until 24. He said from there if anything happens we just do bed rest and prepare for a preemie since 24 weeks is viability.
I would listen to your doctors for sure, but given what you’ve been through I would probably go for the stitch if they offer it. From what I’ve read it doesn’t seem like that big of a deal, through I know everything is much scarier and more overwhelming when pregnant.
If you think you are leaking water I would go to the hospital and get checked out.
I believe someone posted on here something along the lines but I can’t seem to find it…
I am basically on bed rest until cleared by MFM to return to activity and work. Any ideas on things to do? Also did someone post about surveys or something they were doing to make some extra money?
@arfricks1130 what did you get put on bed rest for? Some doctors do it to cover their ass because they think patients are familiar with it, but ACOG actually doesn't recommend it in most cases. So potentially could be worth asking for clarification from your doctor sooner than later.
Thanks @doxiemoxie212. We can’t do any nuts, my daughter is allergic, but I could totally use her sunbutter instead of peanut butter!
@rbflei night food!?! I’ll have to look into this ice cream. I’ve never heard of it! Would’ve made the brownie sundae I just had not seem quite as bad!
@doxiemoxie212 Bed rest is still a common tool/treatment used for patients who have IC because it helps avoids placing additional pressure on the cervix.
@doxiemoxie212 for IC. I think every doctor has differing views on the position of bed rest whether helpful or not. However, I think it is probably more based on patient to patient regarding the specific situation but with my previous history this is what they think is best.
@Ivorytower2 I actually couldn’t get into MFM until Wednesday. OB wanted me to come in this AM after speaking with them for a check up. Cervix shortened a little more over the week. Bed rest remainder of pregnancy and consult with MFM for cerclage on Wednesday. Did you have cerclage?
Anyone ever get diagnosed with a single umbilical artery (two vessel cord?) Had my 20 week anatomy scan today and they found it. The doctor didn’t seem concerned as he said that the other artery just compensates for the missing one. They will just monitor the baby a little more closely for growth. Currently she’s measuring ahead and perfect. But, obviously this will weigh on me…
Me: 36 DH: 36 Married: October 2011 DS: January 2016 DS: May 2019 #3: April 2022
@arfricks1130 that’s good that you have appointments scheduled. My initial check was normal so no cerclage yet. We’ll see tomorrow if any changes! 🤞 not!
Re: The Great Big Question Thread
However, we still have some difficulty with any position other than missionary (the angle never feels right and I end up in some discomfort, so we never get very far). And obviously missionary is becoming more and more uncomfortable as my belly gets bigger.
We've started trying some different positions but haven't had much success so far. We can't seem to figure out the angle/logistics.
Married May 2019
Baby #1 due April 19, 2022
I also really recommend following Kristin B Hodgson and Vanessa Marin on IG. They're both sex therapists with great free info. Vanessa Marin actually has a sex position book? kit? download? I don't know what to call it. But I've seen some samples of it and the info it contains and it's probably what you're looking for. It has directions on how to move, how to adjust, which ones are good for different body types (including pregnant bellies but also things like disabilities or drastic height differences), etc.
Like @doxiemoxie212 said, if what you’re feeling is painful, see a pelvic floor PT ASAP. Better to work it out sooner rather than later, especially with baby on the way.
I think a lot of it comes down to be open with each other and having a willingness to try new things, even if they’re awkward or don’t end up going the way you planned. I appreciate the Bare Marriage podcast because it really breaks down a lot about men’s and women’s expectations vs reality when it comes to sex, and is very practical!
Married May 2019
Baby #1 due April 19, 2022
We are going to Hawaii for Thanksgiving. We have family there and are bringing the kids and just renting a condo, but DH and I will skip away for a night at the Four Seasons and some nice spa time.
If you aren't renting a car, and you're interested in visiting Marin, you can take the ferry to Larkspur Landing, and the Marin Country Mart is like an upscale outdoor mall type thing with nice restaurants and expensive shops, but it's a great place for kids to run around. A short drive away (not walkable) is downtown Larkspur, and there's a restaurant called Perry's that's pretty kid friendly and has absolutely adorable outdoor seating with string lights and even big screen TVs lol and heat lamps in a giant redwood grove. Across the street is a playground in the redwoods that I call dark park, but I don't think that's its actual name.
Also this probably goes without saying, but you never know - some people think California = warm. Expect it to be cold. And expect it to be colder than you expect it to be - ie, for whatever reason everything out here feels at least 10 degrees colder than the same temps on the east coast do. (I lived in NYC for 10+ years so I'm not just a California bb about cold lol)
The deal with heartburn, though, is that ideally you should walk around for 20-30 min after eating, otherwise really anything you eat puts you at risk of heartburn especially in pregnancy.
If you think you are leaking water I would go to the hospital and get checked out.
https://forums.thebump.com/discussion/12762578/product-spotlight-strollers#latest
Im totally partial to my BOB, for what it’s worth. Had it for 6 years and it’s been amazing!
I am basically on bed rest until cleared by MFM to return to activity and work. Any ideas on things to do? Also did someone post about surveys or something they were doing to make some extra money?
https://www.acog.org/womens-health/experts-and-stories/ask-acog/will-i-need-bed-rest-near-the-end-of-pregnancy
https://www.acog.org/womens-health/faqs/preterm-labor-and-birth
Had my 20 week anatomy scan today and they found it. The doctor didn’t seem concerned as he said that the other artery just compensates for the missing one. They will just monitor the baby a little more closely for growth. Currently she’s measuring ahead and perfect. But, obviously this will weigh on me…
Married: October 2011
DS: January 2016
DS: May 2019
#3: April 2022
Married: October 2011
DS: January 2016
DS: May 2019
#3: April 2022