The Great Big Question Thread

Ivorytower2

@zamoraspin2 Yes, I have read a lot of those stories about the NT scan. That makes sense how you explained it that NIPT is more accurate but NT could point to other issues that NIPT doesn’t cover. 

I guess if NIPT comes back normal it’s worth considering whether it’s worth the extra stress of the NT.

SmashJam

I have done both with all my babies, and this is the first I'm AMA. I do the NT scan for the early ultrasound-otherwise I see nothing until the anatomy scan. I do the NIPT for the genetic testing, although weirdly enough I got push back from my last doc and none from for the first two babies who were born at a different hospital that was low intervention. 

loveanddatadriven

I'm going to get both NIPT and NT if NT is offered. NT scans can detect cardiac defects in babies with a normal karyotype (genetics). https://obgyn.onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1002/uog.12488

I'm definitely keen to have all the info available before going into the 20 week anatomy scan. I imagine they would do a more detailed cardiac evaluation during the 20 week anatomy scan if the NT scan indicated high risk.

Edited to include less conjecture and more how I feel about it.

SmashJam

@loveanddatadriven

TW Child Loss/Birth defects

My second was born with a unsurviveable heart defect. Because of this we get ALL the scans, but more specifically a fetal echo, which comes around 23 weeks if I remember and is basically an ultrasound that takes pictures of the heart. So there is another step even after the 20 week if they need it. 

loveanddatadriven

@SmashJam
TW response

I’m so sorry you and your family went through that. 😞 Thank you for sharing the info about the additional tests. 

scorpriomomofleo

Is anyone else going through a hard to with their SO? Anyone going through a divorce while pregnant? Almost 12 weeks here. Trying everything but divorce but feeling helpless and would rather the whole family be happy then suffer through something thats not right. My whole pregnancy so far has been miserable.

aloha_mama

@scorpriomomofleo I meant to add this to the reply I left on your post earlier, but I’m so sorry you’re going through this at a time when you should be celebrating. I don’t have any advice but please take care of yourself and your newest little one. 

queenklau

@scorpriomomofleo, first I am sorry you are going through that situation during your pregnancy. Marital problems are tough enough without kids or pregnancies into the mix. Second, I think only you and your family can assess this particular situation and determine what is the best path forward.
I send you virtual hugs and support.

Ivorytower2

@scorpiomomofleo Is this your first baby? Or do you know what is causing the issues?

My DH is an awesome super loving Dad, but he does not like change at all and he has a tough time adjusting to the idea of having a new baby each time (even though he is complicit in the creation lol). Not sure what your exact situation is, but what’s helps over here is giving hubby time and space to process the change. If that means going out more often for drinks with friends, fine. If it means letting him vent, ok. 

loveanddatadriven

@scorpriomomofleo I’m sorry you’re going through trouble with your SO. I’m finding that stress levels with my SO are higher than normal, but not confrontational. I think I would recommend finding someone who can be objective that you can discuss this with, like a therapist. Probably not us, since it’s too difficult to share all of the important details in an anonymous Internet forum and we aren’t relationship experts. But we’ll definitely provide you support and as many virtual good vibes as we can ❤️

One thing I’ve learned from my loved ones who have gone through divorce is that it takes quite a lot of emotional energy and time to untangle just the red tape of marriage (health insurance, asset division, housing, scheduling, taxes) let alone the big emotional toll of changing your family relationships, so there might not be an option that provides you immediate relief. A therapist can help you cope with the outcome of your decisions, whether that’s separate, delay, or repair, and guide you to the resources you need.

I hope you are able to lean into your healthy connections and relationships with family and friends and find comfort from them. You’ve got this, mama. 💪💕

winterviolethope

Has anyone been prescribed baby aspirin for their pregnancy? I guess I'm sort of surprised... This is baby #3 for me and it's never been prescribed before. I have no history of preeclampsia or high blood pressure (ever). My blood pressure was 100/60 at my appointment (so perfectly normal). I'm over 35 in this pregnancy which is different. I'm 36 (and my last pregnancy I was 34). I don't know how much I weigh but I'm a little overweight now after having kids -- I'm 5'7 and a size 10 - but not morbidly so I'd imagine. 
I'm just a little taken aback I guess at the idea of taking something prophylactically. This wasn't even my doctor- it was the doctor at the ultrasound place. So, I plan to talk about it with my OB on Wednesday before I take anything. Just curious if anyone else went through something similar- Thanks! 

doxiemoxie212

@winterviolethope no, but it's pretty common. I'd talk about it with your actual OB, but some think basically everyone should take it.

queenklau

@winterviolethope, I took baby aspirin with my first 2 pregnancies through week 11. And now I am taking it all the way through my pregnancy with this one. I am also AMA this time around. 

zamoraspin

@winterviolethope Yes, I am on baby aspirin and was on it for my pregnancy with my son. For one thing I have an MTHFR mutation which is thought to impact clotting (although I have never had an indication of a clotting problem).
TW another reason in spoiler.

Baby aspirin is thought to possibly reduce risk of early pregnancy loss, many women who have experienced pregnancy loss are prescribed baby aspirin which is the other part of why I take it.

Avrilmai

@winterviolethope ACOG recommends low dose aspirin for women with one high risk factor (history of pre-E, multifetal gestation, diabetes, autoimmune disease) or for those with multiple “moderate” factors. (First pregnancy, obesity/BMI over 30, family history of pre-E, age 35+, some sociodemograpic things including race and socioeconomic status.) some docs do it even if you have one moderate factor. So AMA would do it. 

I’m also AMA and took aspirin for the first 8 weeks per my RE and then stopped and I’ll restart it at 12wks per my OB. 

kiwi2628

@winterviolethope I did last time due to a history of pre-e

winterviolethope

@Avrilmai thanks! I guess I just had a bad taste in my mouth about this doctor in general. She just left me feeling crappy about myself after she made a comment about my husband and I not being "tiny people". My husband is a large guy. He was a linebacker back in the day and has that build and is also overweight and tall. So, yes, he knows he's not tiny. But, to hear her comment on my size was super off-putting. No woman wants to be made to feel like she is "big" by any means-- so after she said that and talked about the baby aspirin, it just made me feel like a manly beast to be honest. I also have a history of an eating disorder and it's there in my file so you would think she would be a little more cautious about flippant remarks that could send someone spiraling. I'll be ok. But the thought of having to take baby aspirin because I'm old and "not tiny" made me burst into tears on my walk out. 

aloha_mama

@winterviolethope Aw, that makes me so sad!! Don’t let her feel bad about yourself! They’re not your regular OB, right? 

zamoraspin

@winterviolethope Ugh! I’m sorry you went through that. That’s just not appropriate at all and I don’t trust healthcare providers who talk that way. I would honestly consider if there’s any way to report that person to a supervisor.

queenklau

@winterviolethope, that’s terrible bedside manner! Sorry your doctor made you feel that way!

Avrilmai

@winterviolethope that is awful. I’m sorry you had that experience. What an awful thing to say. 

doxiemoxie212

I seriously keep thinking this is the introductions page because it's at the top of the board. I seem unable to get my brain to adjust lol 

Blondesweety444

Sorry you left feeling like that @winterviolethope. I hope you are feeling better and find a provider who fits your style a bit better!

I am on baby aspirin due to clotting issues in my last pregnancy. The nurse jokingly told me that anyone with a heart or brain should be taking baby aspirin. My dr also said that the benefits of baby aspirin have been studied a lot and proven to be quite beneficial. So overall I’d take it as an easy precautionary to help see you through to a less stressful pregnancy!

winterviolethope

Thank you everyone. Your messages made me feel better. Luckily, this is not my normal OB… After posting I decided to call and change my anatomy scan appointment to another facility with another doctor overseeing. 

rbflei

Anyone else avoiding the fit mom Friday thread like it will bite you if you accidentally open it?

loveanddatadriven

@rbflei Hahahaha. YES. I refuse to open those threads.

Blondesweety444

Yes, I feel guilty every time I see them. Sometimes I immediately click in and back out just so it marks the thread as read. 

dinomeetsjedi

@rbflei yup!

doula-mama

@rbflei Yup! I also don’t open the ‘what I’m eating’ thread because it gives me too many cravings haha

boymom312

@Ivorytower2 I’ve had both for each of my last 3 pregnancies. I’ll have them both with this one as well. For me, more info is worth it. It likely wouldn’t change my pregnancy plans, but it would help me prepare for the birth should something be found. It’s all about piece of mind and preparedness for me.

bluecampanula

I think there are a couple of you who were pregnant in 2020 - or at least one? Were any of your appointments done by telehealth? And if so, how did that go, how did you feel about it?

doula-mama

@bluecampanula I was at the end of my pregnancy. For the last month, instead of weekly in person, we did every other week in person (but just the measurements, then I'd leave and they would call me for the chatting part), and the other week was entirely by phone. Personally, I was okay with it, because the pandemic was still so new (I gave birth in April) and I had a lot of anxiety around my husband or I getting sick before the baby came - I was terrified of giving birth alone.

queenklau

@bluecampanula, mine were all in person. I was 30 weeks along when the quarantine began. I had to go to all my last appts alone, no partner. I gave birth in May and DH was able to be there, they tested us both, but he couldn’t leave. It was a very different world, with no vaccines, and no broad testing. 

minnie_yoga_mama

I’ve been soooo crampy and getting on and off sharp abdominal pains. Is this what round ligament pain feels like? Are others still feeling uncomfortable cramping at this stage?

doxiemoxie212

@minnie_yoga_mama @mamastefit on IG has some good stretches to reduce round ligament pain so you could see if that helps

minnie_yoga_mama

Thanks @doxiemoxie212 you always know what’s up! Already followed her on Instagram and I’m totally trying the exercises tonight! Hope it helps! 🤞

emky0704

@minnie_yoga_mama I get occasional cramps too, but I feel it mostly if I turn or stretch in a certain way. I also just sneezed and had an extra sharp pain from it. I think it's all this round ligament pain... It's my first pregnancy, so I am learning a lot from you ladies!

dinomeetsjedi

I have a pretty personal question for the group if anyone feels comfortable answering. I have pretty significant sexual trauma from childhood and I have spent a long time processing it and I feel very comfortable with where I have been at in my healing for the last couple of years. That being said, I have been warned that childbirth and medical care and even taking care of children can bring up a lot of stuff that you had thought you had dealt with. I have chosen to hopefully give birth at a birthing center because they are willing to work with my needs a lot more and give me a lot more choice and control. The midwife asked me at my last appointment how they can help support me and I wasn't really prepared for that question. I think warning me and giving me time to process before they do anything invasive or uncomfortable will help but other than that I don't really have any ideas. I realize everyone reacts to triggers and processes trauma very differently but if anyone has some suggestions or things that helped them to take into consideration, I would appreciate it. I'm also pretty concerned about ending up needing to give birth in the hospital and I have some anxiety about it. The last birth I witnessed in the hospital, everyone was shoving hands up the poor girl's vagina while she was begging for a break and it was so awful.

rbflei

@dinomeetsjedi That is a lot of things to process in one post. I absolutely do not have all the answers for you. I don't have the same sexual trauma history so I feel that in any answer I can not speak to that but if it concerns you, you might be best helped with a mental health professional to ask just those questions to especially someone who has history helping people deal with those birthing situations so you have a plan if they become triggers for you along the way even though it is not currently a problem. Ask your midwife/OB for a referral.  Looking back I had some post partum issues I should have asked for help with but I had no plan ahead of time so once I felt bad it was hard to actualize something to get myself out of that situation and it lingered longer as a problem. You might want to ask ahead of time what interventions to expect and if your birth does not go according to plan. And what that to expect in this sinarios from your perspective. I will say that birth plans change. They change on a dime, week to week closer to the end and even in the minute to minute because what you need and what is safest for everyone changes during pregnancy and labor and delivery.  What I found I needed most was absolute trust in the team I hired to recommend the right thing for me and my baby. Second, flexibility to change the plan and change my mind so I could let go of my expectations and accept what was happening in the moment, and 3 a lot of grace for myself. Just because labor didn't progress, it wasn't my fault. Using an epidural, clamps,suction or having a C-section is not a personal failing there are just a lot of ways to bring our beautiful children into the world. Thank goodness we have options because birth is not a one size fits all. I hope I have said one thing useful and not just babbled on. I wish you the absolute best.

Avrilmai

@dinomeetsjedi I don't have personal experience to speak from, but from the mental health perspective: if you don't already have one I would start working with a therapist who practices from a trauma informed perspective. If you can also find someone who is certified/trained in perinatal mental health I would go with that person. 
It sounds like your care team is very thoughtful and wants to have the conversation early and often about how to support you. Birth/labor/delivery can be very triggering and having a plan in place to cope and to talk about may be helpful. I think it may also be helpful/important to know and process that your birth may not go exactly as planned and to have contingencies for that.  Also, continue to use your voice and voice your concerns.