@dinomeetsjedi I’m so sorry you’ve gone through that. I can’t speak to sexual trauma or to an emergency situation happening during labor, but I can give you some options of the kinds of things you can ask for.
- you can ask that things be explained to your face/ at your bedside instead of the foot of the bed if time permits - you can ask that no unnecessary personnel or trainees be present - you might be able to ask for only women to be present if possible - you can ask for the tone of voice that people use to speak to you (my OB used a very “angry football coach” voice: “NOW PUSH!” which I didn’t appreciate. I wanted to be spoken to calmly, especially when things got urgent/intense) - you can ask for lighting/sound/music - you can ask that a sign be posted at your door/in your room explaining your preferences so any specialists entering have a chance to do things right - after the baby is born, there will still be possible triggering procedures: delivering the placenta, repairing any tears with stitches — you may need to remind your care team that you would like everyone to follow your preferences after delivery as well (I personally did not want to talk to my care team anymore after my baby was laying on my chest and happily nursing. 😍 I didn’t even notice when I delivered the placenta.) - you can ask for a towel/wrap to be draped over you and baby for privacy and warmth if you choose to breastfeed in the delivery room - I gave birth in a hospital, and I loved my nurses, laborist, and environment. It might help to visit or tour the backup hospital covid-permitting so you’re more familiar with it and talk to a few nurses and laborists when things are calm. - if you give enough notice, you can ask for photos of likely members of your care team or even a chance to video chat with them since everyone will probably be masked and impersonal-looking once you are sharing airspace (thanks, covid)
The birth you witnessed in the hospital:
When I was in labor at 8-9 cm dilated (just before I got an epidural) I was also begging for a break, but not from the hospital staff… I just wanted a break from my body and labor. I can’t speak to what it’s like pushing without an epidural, but I’m guessing it’s not uncommon to want a break (without being able to get one since the urge to push is nearly impossible to resist). It’s possible the woman you witnessed was really asking the universe for a break from the intense effort and stress of labor not from the medical interventions, and her attendants were desperately trying to give her the only and best relief possible… delivering the baby. I wasn’t there obviously, but if that experience was triggering to you, it might help to reframe it.
Thank you, @rbflei, @Avrilmai, @loveanddatadriven. I do see a mental health professional as needed and she is great although doesn't know specifically about labor and birth stuff. I think I know most of the ways that birth plans change (and will try to be nice to myself about it) but it's hard because I just won't know what I will need until I get there. Thank you @loveanddatadriven for your list. Even if I won't use half of them, lists help me remember options I have in the moments when I need them and can't think of anything. And you might be right about her asking for a break from the universe. I didn't think about that.
@dinomeetsjedi Huge hugs for what you’ve been through and props for thinking about this prior to delivery. Does your mental health professional have training in anxiety treatment, especially using exposure? I expect it would be helpful to create a hierarchy of situations that may or may not happen during labor and birth, moving from least uncomfortable to you to most uncomfortable, and to practice relaxation techniques and coping strategies while slowly working your way up that hierarchy.
@dinomeetsjedi In addition to therapy, I think finding a doula who has experience helping moms through this could be really beneficial for you in labor
@dinomeetsjedi I’m so sorry that this is something you have to worry about with your birth experience. I second the recommendations for finding a mental health professional who specializes in this area. I also agree that a doula with special experience would be extremely helpful, as they can act as an advocate and your voice if the need arises.
On hospital deliveries:
I’m not sure if it helps, but I work in a hospital and as a NICU nurse I attend a lot of deliveries, and 99.9% of the time it still is an empowering and peaceful atmosphere despite the medical surroundings. Very rarely have I seen an OB or CNM behave callously or without respect to their patient. If the laboring person requests hands off and silence, they get hands off and silence. Except in the cases of medical emergencies most decisions are left up to the patient— laboring/pushing positions, medical interventions, monitoring, cervical checks, people present in the room, guidance during pushing… If you find an OB or CNM you love, they will work with you, and should at the bare minimum remember you are a person with medical autonomy that should be involved in the decision-making process. I can think of a few occasions that warrant an emergency during a vaginal delivery where the baby needs to be delivered immediately, and can look frightening, but these are pretty rare. I’m very sorry you witnessed something so troubling.
I would possibly look for one of the 3D ultrasound places the one in my area is called Little Star it’s like $75 so he can be at that one and see the baby.
Is there a flavored water that isn't awful or overly sweet or taste like crystal lite? It's been recommended several times to help me drink more water and not feel as grossed out or nauseous when I drink water. I haven't had flavored water in so long
@robbenson I used to just put a couple drops of lemon juice in a glass of water. I think they claim lemon helps nausea too. I suppose you could try infusing water too.
My friends always have some sparkling water on hand that is flavored but not sweet but I’ve never paid attention the brand. Knowing them though, it’s probably from either Costco or Trader Joe’s.
Does anyone remember/know when we are supposed to stop sleeping on our backs? I thought it was later when the baby was bigger and heavier, but wanted to confirm!
So according to my RE and my previous OB, you can sleep on your back the whole time. The idea that you can’t sleep on your back was based on some super flawed and very small study from decades ago, but more current research shows that as long as you are comfortable sleeping in your back/side/stomach/whatever - do it. You won’t hurt the baby, you won’t cut off blood flow etc. I slept on my back all the way to the end with DD2 because it was the only way I could be comfortable with my hips
Yeah, I would listen to your body. Once the belly gets heavy, it may be uncomfortable to lay on your back for too long, but I know many people wake up on their back or are only able to sleep on their back etc. I had really bad heartburn with my last one and I had to position myself somewhat reclined but on my back to help with it.
******TW******Siggy warning BFP1 04/24/2015 EDD Dec 2015 MMC 10W5d; BFP 2 09/25/2015 EDD June 2016 MMC 9wks; BFP 3 03/22/2016 EDD Dec 6th 2016
I was able to lay flat on my back comfortably until about 38 weeks with DD3 (likely because I had a completely posterior placenta) - you'll know when it's not safe/comfortable anymore. Laying on your back if it's not safe will make you feel light headed and EXTREMELY nauseous instantly.
Question for you guys: for those who have had headaches, how long have they lasted? I've had two in the past week, both have lasted 24-36 hours and have me in bed 24/7. Wondering if this is extreme or others have experienced anything similar? I am not one to normally have headaches. They started at 12 weeks (I'm now 13w 2d).
@covegirl100 my migraines last anywhere from 12-48 hrs depending on when they hit and severity. If they’re just starting and I can get myself to sleep then they’ll go away on their own, otherwise I have to take something. But I’ve always gotten them even before pregnancy
@fameonmain2 Maybe I'm having migranes, I've just never had one before. It feels like pressure and gets worse when I move my head. I also feel slightly nauseated if i dont keep my head down. I've been having to take Tylenol via the direction of my midwife. Would rather not but I can't handle the pain without it. Thanks for the response! I hope you don't experience anymore headaches!
@covegirl100 I don’t have an answer for you but same— was so bad the other night I had to sleep with a bucket next to my bed- the headache was so intense it make me so Sick
edited to add: lol didn’t see you commented in the symptoms thread
Me: 36 DH: 36 Married: October 2011 DS: January 2016 DS: May 2019 #3: April 2022
covegirl100 I’m sorry you’re having such bad headaches. That does seem potentially like migraine. I would talk to your MW or even regular dr about it. You might also try to figure out the cause. Here are some things that have triggered migraines for my in this pregnancy (and generally) to maybe get you started thinking about: allergies (mine are worse while pregnant), not eating enough, not drinking enough water (if I drink 3 glasses of water between about 2-3 pm my evening headaches often don’t happen), muscle soreness in my neck/shoulders. If you drink caffeine but have cut back or stopped that might contribute too.
@winterviolethope I'm so sorry you're struggling too! I haven't thrown up but they have been debilitating. Fingers crossed we both feel better soon!
@zamoraspin2 Thanks for the feedback! I do have tension in my neck and shoulders, which I am working on daily. The last one I got may have been triggered from a bad night sleep/being woken up by an alarm which stressed me out. I will try to drink water more regularly to see if that helps.
@fameonmain2 my migraines can tend to linger for a couple days if I don’t get rid of them completely. They will be better in the mornings and worse throughout the day. I try to up my water intake and also take some caffeine with my meds. I hope you find a solution that works for you!! If not I think there are some pregnancy safe options that might help from your dr.
It’s my first pregnancy and I just failed my one hour glucose screening test (took early due to higher BMI). I am feeling a bit down on myself and nervous about the 3 hour test and am looking for a little advise.
@basil6, I am sorry to hear, but it’s always good to have the information so that you can have the healthiest pregnancy possible.
The 3 hr test is tough because you have to fast and then be in the lab for 3 hours. I would bring plenty of reading material, videos, or something to keep you occupied. I binged on my favorite show and it went by fast the last time. Be ready to eat as soon as it is done or you will feel sick. Bring something with you to eat in the car right away after done with the last draw, banana, I had a PB&J sandwich. It’ll be fine!
******TW******Siggy warning BFP1 04/24/2015 EDD Dec 2015 MMC 10W5d; BFP 2 09/25/2015 EDD June 2016 MMC 9wks; BFP 3 03/22/2016 EDD Dec 6th 2016
Don’t sweat it too much. I’ve failed all 3 1-hr tests with my kids. I’m on the bigger side. I’ve always passed the 3 hr tests though. They are long and boring, but seem to be more accurate. Many woman fail the 1-hr tests! I wish that I could just skip to the 3-hr and be done with it!
@boymom312 you usually can if you ask. They'll also often let you do daily finger sticks for a week like an actual diabetic would if you prefer that. Worth asking your provider about (in, you know, a kind but stern voice lol)
Curious to know what other mommas plan to do with their cord blood? I'm a FTM and I'm leaning towards donating vs banking but would love to hear other opinions/experiences!
@knitkiwi I'm pretty sure either way you don't actually get to use your own cord blood or something, unless things have changed in 4 years. We didn't end up having the option. I think doing it also often means you can't do delayed cord clamping, and the evidence for doing that is pretty substantial.
@doxiemoxie212@knitkiwi You can do both delayed cord clamping and bank cord blood for your family to use. It may reduce the volume collected. I’m not sure you can donate it though with delayed cord clamping but something to ask about if you’re interested. Kiwi- we didn’t end up doing either I don’t think but mostly I just couldn’t decide. I think I may more seriously consider it this time for the twins because they share the same genetics and are more likely to have medical issues. (Delayed cord clamping I believe is not recommended for monochorianic twins anyway, there is a risk of sudden acute TTTS).
Re: The Great Big Question Thread
- you can ask that no unnecessary personnel or trainees be present
- you might be able to ask for only women to be present if possible
- you can ask for the tone of voice that people use to speak to you (my OB used a very “angry football coach” voice: “NOW PUSH!” which I didn’t appreciate. I wanted to be spoken to calmly, especially when things got urgent/intense)
- you can ask for lighting/sound/music
- you can ask that a sign be posted at your door/in your room explaining your preferences so any specialists entering have a chance to do things right
- after the baby is born, there will still be possible triggering procedures: delivering the placenta, repairing any tears with stitches — you may need to remind your care team that you would like everyone to follow your preferences after delivery as well (I personally did not want to talk to my care team anymore after my baby was laying on my chest and happily nursing. 😍 I didn’t even notice when I delivered the placenta.)
- you can ask for a towel/wrap to be draped over you and baby for privacy and warmth if you choose to breastfeed in the delivery room
- I gave birth in a hospital, and I loved my nurses, laborist, and environment. It might help to visit or tour the backup hospital covid-permitting so you’re more familiar with it and talk to a few nurses and laborists when things are calm.
- if you give enough notice, you can ask for photos of likely members of your care team or even a chance to video chat with them since everyone will probably be masked and impersonal-looking once you are sharing airspace (thanks, covid)
It's been recommended several times to help me drink more water and not feel as grossed out or nauseous when I drink water. I haven't had flavored water in so long
ETA: My doctor told me once that seltzer does not count as your water intake though, so the Spindrift prolly isn't helpful.
TTC#1 10/2016
TTC/IF:included medicated cycles, IUIs and 2 rounds of IVF with 1 embryo each.
BFP finally in 12/2018
TTC#2 06/2021
planning FET
"Some days are diamonds, some days are rocks,
some doors are open, some roads are blocked"
https://emilyoster.substack.com/p/expecting-better-updates-pregnancy
BFP1 04/24/2015 EDD Dec 2015 MMC 10W5d;
BFP 2 09/25/2015 EDD June 2016 MMC 9wks;
BFP 3 03/22/2016 EDD Dec 6th 2016
I slept on my back through my first one but I agree, pay attention to your body and play it by ear.
Sick
edited to add: lol didn’t see you commented in the symptoms thread
Married: October 2011
DS: January 2016
DS: May 2019
#3: April 2022
@zamoraspin2 Thanks for the feedback! I do have tension in my neck and shoulders, which I am working on daily. The last one I got may have been triggered from a bad night sleep/being woken up by an alarm which stressed me out. I will try to drink water more regularly to see if that helps.
The 3 hr test is tough because you have to fast and then be in the lab for 3 hours. I would bring plenty of reading material, videos, or something to keep you occupied. I binged on my favorite show and it went by fast the last time. Be ready to eat as soon as it is done or you will feel sick. Bring something with you to eat in the car right away after done with the last draw, banana, I had a PB&J sandwich. It’ll be fine!
BFP1 04/24/2015 EDD Dec 2015 MMC 10W5d;
BFP 2 09/25/2015 EDD June 2016 MMC 9wks;
BFP 3 03/22/2016 EDD Dec 6th 2016
BFP1 04/24/2015 EDD Dec 2015 MMC 10W5d;
BFP 2 09/25/2015 EDD June 2016 MMC 9wks;
BFP 3 03/22/2016 EDD Dec 6th 2016
https://www.cordblood.com/how-banking-works/delayed-cord-clamping