Anyone else reading these rumors about Meghan Markle having twins based one photo and shaking their heads? I mean- I think we figured out that she’s due like in mid-April, making her 20 weeks or more. Of course she’s going to have her bump pop around this time. People are so dumb. Like this was a legitimate story NBC News and other outlets picked up. These people should hang around the HDBD threads on these forums and see what 20 week bumps look like.
Update on my ex husband/child support drama. So basically, our child support agreement was initially based on me living in a town 30 miles away, where the daycare was cheaper and I also gave him a $100 travel allowance, even though there's no way he'd possibly spend that much to drive there. So the CS amount was like $780. Since he let it fall behind, the arrears payment was an additional $100 a month. When I moved back to the town where he lives, I did not move to modify the CS, even though school here was like $200 more a month and he no longer needed the travel allowance. So since July, he should have been paying $962 plus arrears, but I let it slide cause I didn't want to deal with it.
So I had messaged him to say look, if we go back to court, your payment is gonna go up not down. He had messaged back saying would I agree to take $50 less in arrears per month (so I would have been getting like $830 at that point). I said sure, if it'll help you out, let's do it. He messages me again last night and asks if I'll take $650?!?! WHAT? So you are just seeing how far you can push me and want me to take like $300 less than what I'm legally entitled to? I messaged back and said this is ridiculous. My final offer is I'll take $800 a month with $50 going towards arrears. I said in August, your support amount is gonna go down to like $605 and you'll be done with arrears by then, too. So he messages back and just says ok nevermind, I'll just drop my whole motion.
So after all of that, he just agreed to keep paying what he's been paying all along. I swear to dog, if he mentions his payment amount to me one more time before August, I'm filing a motion for the full $962. I. Am. So. Sick. Of. His. Shit!
I don't understand how men are able to justify not being responsible for their kid. I could never imagine doing that. What is the separation? Because they don't carry them, they shouldn't be obligated to raise and support them unless it's convenient and fun? My husband is a good father but there's still a disconnect there sometimes and I'm just like "how isn't this an innate instinct for you?" Like, I get money sucks, but he should WANT to do whatever he can to support his kid. My friend is dealing with something similar with her husband/ex I don't know what he is today, but this is a huge issue and it really blows my mind.
I'm sorry you're dealing with this @sleepy33 it's bs. Man up and be a father.
@eatinwatermelonseeds I think for them, they see the check or w/e (my parents was direct to each other, nothing that was garnished) going to their ex, not their kid. There is some sort of disconnect with the money piece of it. If they were providing sole care of the kid, I think they would have much less of a problem spending the money on school supplies, writing the daycare check, buying the food (although it might not be exactly what we'd want our kids eating). A check is just "intangible." Depending on the financial situation of both parties, it might not be really changing what the mom is spending on the kid. It doesn't mean they shouldn't be paying it, but since they aren't getting an itemized bill for "half" of the cost of the school clothes and sneakers, they are just thinking it's money my ex is taking from me, I think.
@sleepy33 this makes me fuming mad! Im so sorry he's being such an ass. Ugh, reminds me of all the shit my sister still goes thru with her ex. He didn't give a damn about the kids when they were little. But now that they are teens and twenties, they're suddenly "his boys." I remember when I was younger, watching that one movie with Ed Harris and Julia Roberts, I think it's called "Stepmom." At that age I didn't believe that two exes could be so civil to each other! That was a sweet movie.
I think @kvh22 is right, in most cases. My ex seems to have this idea that there is a mythical preschool out there that costs less than $1200 a month with full time before and after care, and that I just chose to send him to the most expensive one I could find. Meanwhile, he's never done any research into what other affordable alternatives there might be, probably because it's more convenient for him to believe whatever lies he tells himself. I know I've seen posts before of men complaining that they see their exes spending money on their hair, nails, etc as soon as they get their CS checks. It's like yeah...probably because she's been waiting to spend any money on herself while paying for all the shit for your kid.
I think if you've never had to go out and buy your kid a new fall/spring wardrobe, don't go grocery shopping, etc, you are just completely clueless and ignorant to what that stuff costs. I think personally, in my ex's situation, he's probably fairly heavily mooching off of his new girlfriend and she's giving him shit over it, if I had to guess. But I'm like hey sis, you sat there while he bought a new car, you decided to move into a brand new expensive apartment together, y'all took a 7 day trip to Vegas. You knew what his CS obligation was when you got together and you clearly can see he's not good at managing money, and none of that is my problem anymore. If you know you owe X in CS, then maybe you don't rent to most expensive apartment you can find, and maybe you hang on to the car that was paid off (which I bought and paid for and GAVE him in the divorce). He's just a taker, always has been and always will be.
@expandcontract yea, my dad was not into us as kids - I would literally think about how I would be different if my mom had married someone else. Because of course, I was her daughter and would exist, just with a few different traits (I was very young but clearly remember this) Anyways, now my dad is all about hanging out with us and doing things since we're adults. My brother plays into it and it's stupid. We'll go out somewhere and he'll tell my dad but not let me know he's coming since I'd be pissed. I'm not super interested in hanging out with him very much but don't rock the boat a ton since it's twice a year and we stay with my mom when we visit so he still has to plan time with us if he wants to see us. You don't get to ignore us as kids and then all of a sudden get a drinking buddy!
I was referring to the money aspect, yes, but it's all of it. But even on the money front, my friend's husband thing makes twice as much as she does. They will go do things together with the kids in an effort to make things work, and she has to pay... For 3 kids and 2 adults. Thanksgiving, she bought the whole dinner. If they need new clothes, it's on her. School supplies were on her. Christmas is on her. He doesn't pay child support because they're not divorced. He takes the kids over night once a week if not less. And it always seems to be a fight. He won't even tell her his work schedule, that way if she asks him to take the kids and he doesn't want to, he can say he's working. I just really really don't get it.
In my husband's case it's stupid shit that he doesn't do and I'm like... You do that for yourself, why wouldn't you do it for him? Like brushing his teeth before bed, or putting lotion on him. If I were gone for a week and say there was a weird rash on DS, he wouldn't think "I need to take him to the doctor" he'd think "I need to ask my wife what to do." And it's just... I'm making this shit up as I go, and I have no idea if I'm doing any of it right, figure it out! I don't know.
@eatinwatermelonseeds girl, your friend needs to get divorced like for real, cause that's some bullshit. Also, he sounds so much like my ex. Working at the casino, he re-bids for shifts once a quarter. So every 3 months, our whole lives/routine gets disrupted because of his schedule. He's been known to re-bid to have Monday nights off during football seasons, etc. Like he'd honestly rather make sure he's free for Monday Night Football than worry about how it will affect his parenting time.
@sleepy33 I'm not going to get into it, as it's not my business, but it's a whole big ordeal and I think she feels like she owes it to him and the kids to try to make it work. It's just a mess.
@eatinwatermelonseeds sorry...I did know you were talking about more than just the money thing but I totally get the rest. Just, from experience, my dad is very generous with us (because then we know who it came from). I didn't talk to him for YEARS and he literally offered to buy me a car, take me on vacation, all of this crazy expensive stuff that is way more $$ than what he fought to have to pay my mom - which I did NOT take him up on. Luckily, my mom had a great job and could have given us everything we had without his money (a bit more strain on her retirement accounts, etc.) if he didn't pay child support and even though he should have likely paid more at various times.
As much as I KNOW DH loves DD, I feel like the maternity leave (if you go back to work) or just the nature of having someone home with your kid who isn't you (if your the husband of a SAHM) sets up this horrible dynamic of a primary parent. I know very few couples where the dad is that person. I work full time and DH and I make almost the exact same right now (have each leapfrogged each other with promotions over time but it generally balances out). I try to talk DH through a lot of what I'm doing for DD - why I'm making certain decisions, what I'm packing for her lunch and little things that make it easier (i.e. cut her fruit and veggies for snack before cutting her quesadilla, especially if there's meat in it, but use the same knife so there are fewer dishes to wash). I buy all of her clothes, order all of the diapers, wipes, lotions, soaps, etc. I even buy his deodorant and other household goods. He leaves for an 8 day business trip and it's like "okay, see you in 8 days." We video call and such but it's nbd. I leave for a 4 day business trip and it's days of communicating what he needs to do beforehand and strategizing and I still get texts or phone calls with questions and hilarious anecdotes of what went wrong while I was gone. I think if he had been home with her as long as I had, this all could have been a bit less uneven. There is inevitably the "you're doing it wrong" when it's just not the way I would do it - I try to be good about that but it's hard. I feel like that's why a lot of divorced dads (and maybe some of the married dads) end up being the "fun one" - they aren't as likely to be the one worried about homework getting done, teeth being brushed, food being healthy or served at the right time, doctors appointments being made and kept, etc. Just my two cents although I was talking to my boss's boss about when she took her first c-suite job a few years ago and they decided to have her husband stay home (with their then 7 and 10 year olds going to school). She said for a couple years, she was still the "primary parent" even though he was home for a lot of things. It's finally after 4 years more balanced to where he is the primary parent (but just barely).
Ugh. He's not even home yet and H is already bugging the hell out of me. I don't even really know why, just everything he says it's aggravating me. And I'm supposed to have sex with him tonight, so hopefully he can redeem himself somehow.
OMFG. So I called Comcast to transfer our service and they asked if I wanted home security. I said I did, but I was afraid it would cost too much. He quoted me at $20 less with faster internet. I thought that was a steal, so I went for it. I told H after and he was PISSED. Said I should've talked to him and he would've said no. WHY?! I told him, I added on a bigger cable package but with that we're still paying EXACTLY THE SAME AMOUNT WE DO NOW. We just have a security system, faster internet and more channels. But sure, I totally should've talked to you so you could say no for NO REASON AT ALL. And now he's still pissed I didn't talk to him. Am I wrong here? I didn't talk to him about something that doesn't affect our bank account AT ALL and we get more for it. Nxfjdhrxjcjcjgcgjcjcj god he makes me so mad 😡
I'd say that's a win @eatinwatermelonseeds. Hopefully he will get over it soon and see you made a good choice.
I really should be making dinner, but I don't have a plan and nothing sounds good. I'm secretly hoping if I put it off long enough, I can either go pick up a pizza, or DH will decide to cook.
He came home and was playful and lovey, so we're better but I was so mad. Now we're trying to move this house together and we're at each other's throats. (We don't move well together 😂). We should be better later when this is done.
@eatinwatermelonseeds I'm having the same reaction to him being mad about that as you are. Glad you are better now, and hope this move goes quickly and smoothly! I hate moving!
Today was good but busy. I met up with a friend from my first BMB at a play gym (we conveniently live an hour apart!) which was so fun and then I came home and cleaned my whole apartment. When H got home I left to go get my eyebrows done because self-care and missing dinner/bath time. We got takeout because it's Friday and we're just hanging.
DS is teething hardcore, last night he slept terribly. So far, it's already better tonight because he isn't waking up screaming every half hour. Last night he was put to bed at 7, woke up at 7:45, 8:30, 10:30, and 2. I'm glad we at least got good stretches in there. Tonight we gave him a bath with that Johnson's vapor bath wash, rubbed him with Vicks, NoseFrida'd him, and gave him Motrin. Hoping he has a better night, I think it was half teething pain and half not being able to breathe from being so snotty. H was so appreciative he said he meant to buy me flowers for letting him sleep and being a good wife/mom but then had a bad afternoon and forgot I appreciate the thought at least and now that it's the weekend we'll switch off who gets up with him.
@kvh22 I hear what you are saying a lot from my mom friends who work. I think that they call it “the mental load”. My situation was so different y from the start since DH worked from home, except when he needed to show houses-which is mostly nights and weekends- and would be around all day. So we developed patterns for DD together. We both have our “things” when it comes to parenting. He washed bottles, I do laundry and organize the clothes. He organizes the toy room, I set up Drs appts, read about potty training, research day cares etc. When I went back to work, he would have DD home until she went to day care usually 9:30-2:30 so he could get work done. But he managed drop off/ pickup and our relationship with day care. I really, truly think we have a true partnership when it comes to divvying up the parenting tasks, but I think that’s rare.
But at the same time, sometimes I feel a bit annoyed that DD goes to day care at all since many days DH is running errands or doing yard work while she is at day care. I feel like if the situation was reversed, I’d be expected to make do without any day care and just fit my own work in when DH gets home. What’s annoying is that his best friend has the same kind of job as him and also gets 3 days to himself while his son is is at day care- even if he’s not doing actual work. The double standard is still there.
@chloe97 that's an interesting point. I SAH and I begged to every single day of my maternity leave. I overall love it though I still don't feel totally used to it (I never thought I would be a SAHM). After the new year I'm starting nursing school and we're putting DS in daycare one day a week and I feel soooo guilty about it because technically with my class and clinical schedule, we don't need childcare. I started spouting off how I would use the day to do homework or errands that are hard to do with DS and H was like...or you could just relax and take some time for yourself?? We also just started getting groceries delivered so I don't have to be screamed at by a 1 yo in the store and lug it all but even though it's only $3 to have it delivered (basically gas money and an avoided snack purchase while shopping!) I still feel so guilty and like I'm being lazy. H doesn't see it that way.
My point is, it seems a lot easier for men to give themselves grace.
Wow @DuchessOfCambridge that is a great way to put it. Mom guilt is REAL. I can't imagine coming home, saying hi to my husband and kid and going to poop for an hour and take a shower. Or anything of that nature. It's so much easier for them to just take the time they need. But unfortunately, if I did that 1. Who would do anything? And 2. I would feel horrible. I just can't seem to "give myself grace" as you do accurately put it. There's also so so much more judgement for mothers in society. A mom who takes an entire day to herself is selfish and neglectful and should be caring for her kids. A man who does it works hard and deserves it. A mother is just expected to do everything. When a man does anything a woman is "supposed to do" he's "SUCH a good dad."
@eatinwatermelonseeds exactly. I'm also hoping my non-parent friends don't ever learn we get groceries delivered because while they would never say it, I can just FEEL the "but why do you need to get them delivered if you stay home, what do you even do all day?" Whereas with H I feel it'd be more like "oh yeah, going to the store with a baby is so hard".
@eatinwatermelonseeds OMG the hour poop and shower thing. This DH every weekend after he gets home from work. Why on God’s earth dies it take them so long to poop? I just don’t get it. But you are right- if I get home from work, I immediately go to DD and start her dinner or pick up her toys. I won’t ever plan anything right after work and lose that time. DH on the other hand comes home and goes into his office or the bathroom to decompress for 45 minutes after working 3 hours. Sometimes after being home with DD for the day, I have to beg just to go to the bathroom alone or finish my lunch without having a toddler interrupt me, but it’s expected I take over DDs care as soon as I get home from work!
I've found that giving up control and letting H figure out things on his own has really helped with him be more comfortable and take control with the kids. Most of the time his way is totally different than mine but it works with him and the boys. He travels for work so when he gets home I need a break and he immediately takes over.
@eatinwatermelonseeds H takes the boys all by himself to do errands and store runs and the comments he gets are incredibly insulting. He also took them for 5 days out of state for his Grandmother's birthday last year while I stayed home to tend to our animals and you'd think he walked on water. Even he sees the ridiculous hypocrisy in it.
Wife. Boy mom x6. Expecting #7. Wannabe homesteader. , 💙💙💙💙💙💙
DH just informed me that I need to be working more hours. That my 7-3 isn't enough. That the fact that I'm dead on my feet at the end of the work day as it is isn't enough already. I hate working hourly. I *hate* it. He wants me to work more hours than I worked at a salaried job and I'll still only be making 1/3 of what I made. I worked a salaried job for 8 years. And now, when I'm most tired with two kids and pregnant, I'm being told I have to work more. I wish he hadn't chosen right now to tell me this after another crap might of sleep from itching.
@knarlytaurus I guess I'm just getting a dose of what it's like for people who work hourly on the regular. When we moved I was originally going to stay home but then this job came up. It made sense because I could keep my kids in preschool and still bring in a little money. DH says I'm not bringing in much at all after paying for their school so I need to work an extra hour a day. My old salaried teaching job I was out of the house from 7:10-4:45. If I see an hour, I'll be out of the house from 6:45-4:30. Plus at my old job I went to the gym before with, which isn't feasible now, so trying to fit they in *after* with, I'm just insanely overwhelmed at the idea of trying to work full time+, workout, run a house, AND still have time with my kids. Plus I just realized my job won't let me work over 40 hours anyway. I just want to cry.
@imrachellea when I first got pregnant, my husband was insistent that I was going to work a residency (3 twelve hour shifts a week, fast paced and on my feet) for my entire pregnancy. I somehow got him from that unrealistic idea to not working at all for the next year 😂 I found for us, him saying these things meant something. He was stressed out, felt overworked and felt like our finances were sucking and he needed help. We talked it through realistically so he could see that our finances don't really suck, I have a lot on my plate just staying home and if I went to work he'd have way more to do at home on top of his work day. I would talk to him and explain that it's unrealistic and ask why he is feeling that way.
I CANNOT WAIT TO BE OUT OF THIS STUPID TOWNHOME. I just went to take a shower and had to jump out still with fucking shampoo in my hair because even turned all the way the f up, the water is freezing cold. 😡😡😡😡 My friend is coming over today and she, H and I are going to try to move the house today. Hopefully I'll be taking tomorrow's morning shower in our new home with hot water. 😩
Oh, and I have a neighbor whose parking spot is right next to ours. He parks in his garage. In 2 YEARS dude has never ONCE parked in that spot. Last night we had the moving truck partly in his spot because there was no other way. He knocked on our door and was like "your truck is blocking my spot" uh.... The spot you never fucking use? Oh so sorry. 🙄 I'm writing a note today and putting it on my door. "Yes we know we're blocking your spot, we'll be done moving tomorrow. Don't be a dick, you don't even park there."
I didn't make the sign I was talking about but dude came out screaming, it was a HUGE ordeal that took up almost a fucking hour from moving. It was ridiculous. I'll share more details later.
Taking a quick break, don't have time to explain the drama, but it is really bothering me. Not to mention moving with my husband is miserable and we have like 3 hours to do everything in. Been on my feet all day and I'm miserable. I'm just so done.
Okay. Waiting on H to bring the truck to the new house. So, this morning H started backing the truck in and dude came out irate and SCREAMING that we need to get out of his spot and that he's moved 588643379 times and we need to figure it out. That was after we explained that if we parked a different way, we would block not only his spot, but our other neighbor's garage which he ACTUALLY parks in. Mind you. 3 years and this dude has never once used that spot. We weren't inconveniencing him, and it wasn't even taking up that much. But he started spouting off that he pays rent that includes that spot and we need to move our truck. So then he storms off, drives to the front office (manager is already aware of the issue because he and I had both called). He goes in screaming at the lady about it and then comes back and PARKS IN HIS SPOT. He's squished in there, but definitely still fit. We were seriously barely over the line. So then he's threatening to call the police and we're just like "please do, we need the laugh." The managers both come and are like "dude, you're being ridiculous, THEY'RE MOVING OUT" so he keeps going on about the spot and that he pays rent and then says it's whatever, he doesn't want to get kicked out. But then says "fuck this, I'll be out by the end of the month." And then he's like.... And this is what really bothers me. He's a POC. Which otherwise would have zero relevance in this story, but then he said "if the shoe were on the other foot, I'd be in handcuffs at the county jail." And I was just in awe. This wasn't a case of white privilege, it was human decency. I'm just. That really really bothered me. If the shoe were on the other foot, we would've let him do what he needed to do and not been phased by it. I just. Wow. He eventually left and told us to just do whatever we want because he's moving out today 🙄
I just don't get it. I usually am really good at talking with people, it's kind of my thing. But he was SO upset and so unreasonable. I just couldn't possibly get through to him. AND he went on about how he's dealt with us doing this for 3 years (lies) and it's just pure disrespect. 😒 *Sigh* and we still have A LOT at the old place.
@eatinwatermelonseeds that's such a crazy story. At least the people in the front office seem to be on the same page with you, I. E. That the situation was way overblown!
@imrachellea I'm so sorry he had that conversation with you right now. Is he understanding the additional strain it will put on you without much payoff?
@eatinwatermelonseeds first of all, that man is RIDICULOUS. It didn't affect his life, he should have just left well enough alone when you said you'd be out really soon. Maybe he was having a really awful day and was angry you didn't mention it beforehand? Which I don't blame you for because his spot was still perfectly accessible and he doesn't use it anyway... As far as the POC thing goes, I think it's a difficult view to understand unless you're in it. While in this situation it didn't apply because were the roles reversed you would have let him do it, I think he just meant in general if he did this and you were upset about it, he'd likely not be reacted to the same way as you were. White privilege can happen in the smallest and subtlest of ways. I'm not trying to start anything, I just wouldn't discount what he's said since he's likely been on the wrong side of white privilege multiple times throughout his life. I know I have and I'm a college-educated middle class woman who looks pretty non-threatening.
Re: Randoms week of 12/3
So I had messaged him to say look, if we go back to court, your payment is gonna go up not down. He had messaged back saying would I agree to take $50 less in arrears per month (so I would have been getting like $830 at that point). I said sure, if it'll help you out, let's do it. He messages me again last night and asks if I'll take $650?!?! WHAT? So you are just seeing how far you can push me and want me to take like $300 less than what I'm legally entitled to? I messaged back and said this is ridiculous. My final offer is I'll take $800 a month with $50 going towards arrears. I said in August, your support amount is gonna go down to like $605 and you'll be done with arrears by then, too. So he messages back and just says ok nevermind, I'll just drop my whole motion.
So after all of that, he just agreed to keep paying what he's been paying all along. I swear to dog, if he mentions his payment amount to me one more time before August, I'm filing a motion for the full $962. I. Am. So. Sick. Of. His. Shit!
I'm sorry you're dealing with this @sleepy33 it's bs. Man up and be a father.
I remember when I was younger, watching that one movie with Ed Harris and Julia Roberts, I think it's called "Stepmom." At that age I didn't believe that two exes could be so civil to each other! That was a sweet movie.
I think if you've never had to go out and buy your kid a new fall/spring wardrobe, don't go grocery shopping, etc, you are just completely clueless and ignorant to what that stuff costs. I think personally, in my ex's situation, he's probably fairly heavily mooching off of his new girlfriend and she's giving him shit over it, if I had to guess. But I'm like hey sis, you sat there while he bought a new car, you decided to move into a brand new expensive apartment together, y'all took a 7 day trip to Vegas. You knew what his CS obligation was when you got together and you clearly can see he's not good at managing money, and none of that is my problem anymore. If you know you owe X in CS, then maybe you don't rent to most expensive apartment you can find, and maybe you hang on to the car that was paid off (which I bought and paid for and GAVE him in the divorce). He's just a taker, always has been and always will be.
In my husband's case it's stupid shit that he doesn't do and I'm like... You do that for yourself, why wouldn't you do it for him? Like brushing his teeth before bed, or putting lotion on him. If I were gone for a week and say there was a weird rash on DS, he wouldn't think "I need to take him to the doctor" he'd think "I need to ask my wife what to do." And it's just... I'm making this shit up as I go, and I have no idea if I'm doing any of it right, figure it out! I don't know.
As much as I KNOW DH loves DD, I feel like the maternity leave (if you go back to work) or just the nature of having someone home with your kid who isn't you (if your the husband of a SAHM) sets up this horrible dynamic of a primary parent. I know very few couples where the dad is that person. I work full time and DH and I make almost the exact same right now (have each leapfrogged each other with promotions over time but it generally balances out). I try to talk DH through a lot of what I'm doing for DD - why I'm making certain decisions, what I'm packing for her lunch and little things that make it easier (i.e. cut her fruit and veggies for snack before cutting her quesadilla, especially if there's meat in it, but use the same knife so there are fewer dishes to wash). I buy all of her clothes, order all of the diapers, wipes, lotions, soaps, etc. I even buy his deodorant and other household goods. He leaves for an 8 day business trip and it's like "okay, see you in 8 days." We video call and such but it's nbd. I leave for a 4 day business trip and it's days of communicating what he needs to do beforehand and strategizing and I still get texts or phone calls with questions and hilarious anecdotes of what went wrong while I was gone. I think if he had been home with her as long as I had, this all could have been a bit less uneven. There is inevitably the "you're doing it wrong" when it's just not the way I would do it - I try to be good about that but it's hard. I feel like that's why a lot of divorced dads (and maybe some of the married dads) end up being the "fun one" - they aren't as likely to be the one worried about homework getting done, teeth being brushed, food being healthy or served at the right time, doctors appointments being made and kept, etc. Just my two cents although I was talking to my boss's boss about when she took her first c-suite job a few years ago and they decided to have her husband stay home (with their then 7 and 10 year olds going to school). She said for a couple years, she was still the "primary parent" even though he was home for a lot of things. It's finally after 4 years more balanced to where he is the primary parent (but just barely).
I really should be making dinner, but I don't have a plan and nothing sounds good. I'm secretly hoping if I put it off long enough, I can either go pick up a pizza, or DH will decide to cook.
Today was good but busy. I met up with a friend from my first BMB at a play gym (we conveniently live an hour apart!) which was so fun and then I came home and cleaned my whole apartment. When H got home I left to go get my eyebrows done because self-care and missing dinner/bath time. We got takeout because it's Friday and we're just hanging.
DS is teething hardcore, last night he slept terribly. So far, it's already better tonight because he isn't waking up screaming every half hour. Last night he was put to bed at 7, woke up at 7:45, 8:30, 10:30, and 2. I'm glad we at least got good stretches in there. Tonight we gave him a bath with that Johnson's vapor bath wash, rubbed him with Vicks, NoseFrida'd him, and gave him Motrin. Hoping he has a better night, I think it was half teething pain and half not being able to breathe from being so snotty. H was so appreciative he said he meant to buy me flowers for letting him sleep and being a good wife/mom but then had a bad afternoon and forgot
But at the same time, sometimes I feel a bit annoyed that DD goes to day care at all since many days DH is running errands or doing yard work while she is at day care. I feel like if the situation was reversed, I’d be expected to make do without any day care and just fit my own work in when DH gets home. What’s annoying is that his best friend has the same kind of job as him and also gets 3 days to himself while his son is is at day care- even if he’s not doing actual work. The double standard is still there.
My point is, it seems a lot easier for men to give themselves grace.
I've found that giving up control and letting H figure out things on his own has really helped with him be more comfortable and take control with the kids. Most of the time his way is totally different than mine but it works with him and the boys. He travels for work so when he gets home I need a break and he immediately takes over.
@eatinwatermelonseeds H takes the boys all by himself to do errands and store runs and the comments he gets are incredibly insulting. He also took them for 5 days out of state for his Grandmother's birthday last year while I stayed home to tend to our animals and you'd think he walked on water. Even he sees the ridiculous hypocrisy in it.
, 💙💙💙💙💙💙
your move is uneventful!
Edited for spelling
I just don't get it. I usually am really good at talking with people, it's kind of my thing. But he was SO upset and so unreasonable. I just couldn't possibly get through to him. AND he went on about how he's dealt with us doing this for 3 years (lies) and it's just pure disrespect. 😒 *Sigh* and we still have A LOT at the old place.
@eatinwatermelonseeds first of all, that man is RIDICULOUS. It didn't affect his life, he should have just left well enough alone when you said you'd be out really soon. Maybe he was having a really awful day and was angry you didn't mention it beforehand? Which I don't blame you for because his spot was still perfectly accessible and he doesn't use it anyway...
As far as the POC thing goes, I think it's a difficult view to understand unless you're in it. While in this situation it didn't apply because were the roles reversed you would have let him do it, I think he just meant in general if he did this and you were upset about it, he'd likely not be reacted to the same way as you were. White privilege can happen in the smallest and subtlest of ways. I'm not trying to start anything, I just wouldn't discount what he's said since he's likely been on the wrong side of white privilege multiple times throughout his life. I know I have and I'm a college-educated middle class woman who looks pretty non-threatening.