@noideawhatshesdoing I hear you on the financial goals taking a back seat. We were also hitting hard on the early retirement thing with the two kids, and now we are expecting #3 so our timeline has extended. I don't think you will really have to wait 18 years to make your inn dream a reality though! Kids' costs are what you make them and they can still have a happy and quality childhood without all the expensive unnecessary stuff. We watch Youtube videos occasionally of people living in tiny homes (on purpose) with children and while they don't all make it very long like that because, well, kids grow, they do manage to keep costs significantly low because they're forced to be creative and intentional with their expenses. I encourage you guys to just reassess your financial goals and make it work with the one kid. You know...eventually that kid will be old enough to help you run the inn (and then you can set up an IRA for him!)
I agree with others that the nursery furniture doesn't have to be matchy-matchy. Depending on how you "finish" the room, mismatched furniture can look intentional and great.
@cseley321 ohhh that's a good idea! Actually one of our friends is a designer there, well, more of a sculptor but I'm wondering if he'd be open to make something for us! DH would be so happy.
Me: 36 H: 40 Married 2015. Together since 2010. TTC: Sept 2016-Oct 2017 BFP Oct 2017. DD born July 2018. TTC: March 2020. BFP March 2020 Due date was Nov 2020 DS born Sept 2020. DS passed away Nov 2020 due to prematurity and birth trauma. TTC: March 2021 IUI #1 Nov 2021, BFN IUI #2 Dec 2021 BFP. MC Jan 2022 IUI #3 Aug 2022 BFN IUI #4 Sept 2022 BFN AMH test came back at .081. Was going to move on to IVF with DE, but have decided not to. Will be leaving it up to the universe now.
@cseley321@flockofmoosen3 Managing the one babe won't be a problem, and I know once the baby is here lots of things will change and that we'll be like the rest of the veterans and enjoy all the snuggles, etc. But having another kid later would be really hard in a lot of ways. Not to mention neither of us are super keen on parenting into our mid 50s.
The property we were looking to buy and build on is way waaaaaay out. Nearest private school would be almost an hour drive each way. May as well live on the moon. Even if we did that, wouldn't be fair to the kid because the commute would be so long and would make it really hard to participate in school things and spending time with friends. Unless we did boarding school, and that isn't really something I'm comfortable with. DH also suggested we just keep a small condo here in town and when the kid is in school one of us could live there with kiddo during the school week, but I don't like the idea of the family split up during the week. Plus kids have things on weekends so it would still be more time apart with one of us basically functioning as a single parent while the other manages the business and misses out. Staying where we are just makes the most sense.
So it's less of a financial concern, and more a logistical issue. We may still retire in 5 years but that really means just quiting what we both do now and find a fun job that maybe doesn't pay well but we enjoy. The inn dream shall have to wait just because of location.
Sorry, I'm just whining today. We opted not to buy the property because it wasn't going to make sense anymore given our situation and I just saw it's pending with another buyer now. Trying not to be disappointed.
+1 to nothing permanent. I don't see two as being our ending point, but that's coming from a stand point of a single child parent currently maybe two will push me over the edge! DH has made it clear he worries about being able to be the kind of parent he wants to be to three children, that he won't have enough of himself to go around as they get older and do activities especially if he's working a lot so I can stay home with the kiddos until they go to school. He will eventually get snipped, and I am anti-hormonal birth control after how long it took us to conceive this time compared to other times (It seems as I get older, its getting harder, and my cycles regulate less quick) so I dunno what we'll do to prevent. I do know that when I was preggo with DD, I was thinking about my baby timeline and how I wanted them all to be close in age, and was already planning when I was going to get preggo with #3. This time around, at this moment, waiting for awhile seems ok, even if it means I'll have teenagers in my house when I am over 50 (something I originally said wasn't ideal for me).
@hillbillywife Oh I thought everyone was talking about her comment in the actual thread...she said something like, "What a beautiful document...thanks!" and all I could think was....is this a random person who is going to take all this information? Why did they say "Thanks" ? lol
@SmashJam that's the comment I was talking about "Such an incredible document... Thanks" I'm on mobile so i cant tell - did she also add herself? Because then I feel less weird about it...
Me: 31 DH: 34 Married: April 2016 TTC December 2016 BFP 2/28/17 // CP 3/1/17 MFI Diagnosis: Aug 2017 BFP 11/1/17 // DS born 6/18 TTC January 2019 BFP 3/21/19 // D&C (MMC) 5/8/19
@SmashJam ok that one was creepy! I saw that too and was like uhhh.. def got the impression that they were hear just for everyone’s name and birthday lol.
ETA @MrsMiller8588 I’m up to date now! That one is creepy!
My random for the day: baby boy always wakes up for food. It takes him like .2 seconds to realize I’m eating and wake up and kick me really hard.
@noideawhatshesdoing I hear you about the life change being a shock. For us this one was planned—it’s our first—and we are likely a one and done family. Living in the Boston area is so expensive, and I’ll be 41 by the time this baby is born. People keep asking me if I’ll have another, but I’ve had four previous losses so it looks like this one will be our golden child.
@noideawhatshesdoing I hope you find a way to pursue your dream of an Inn, that’s super cool!
@mrsmiller8588 she did also add herself to the spreadsheet and it says she's from south africa, getting married soon, and excited to be a ftm
I was so happy with DH yesterday--we got a bill from the hospital in the mail yesterday for my follow up anatomy scan but the amount didn't make sense. He called the hospital's billing department, called insurance, and sorted it all out before I got home from work without having to pay the higher bill. Yay!
Add me to the anti-hormonal birth control list. It took 9 months after going off the pill for my period to come back and over another year to conceive DD. My cycles then were super long and unpredictable. My doctor didn't even recommend an implant birth control after her because she thought with my history that it could take up to a year to "get out of my system". I was nursing DD though, and my cycle didn't come back until 15 months post partem.
I've been in lots of places in my life where I stressed and worried over the future. It almost always works out in ways that I wouldn't have predicted and wouldn't change for the world.
Same here about BC. I actually quit 9 months before we conceived too, but had a chemical pregnancy (unplanned) 3 months after. What's funny is that I had quit bc because I wanted to run some fertility test (the basic kind I guess, the anti muellerian hormone or something like that) and DH did a semen test too because I was paranoid it would take us so long to get pregnant -yup I'm crazy. My cycle regulated pretty quickly; it was still hard to get over that unplanned (lost) pregnancy but we were not even engaged then and weren't really "ready" as we are now (are you ever??). I was going through a lot of shit at work and lost my dad shortly after so TBH it took me a few months to get over it, and I'm glad we waited a bit before trying.
Anyways I had been on bc pretty much for 16 years with a few breaks and I'm definitely done with it. If we decide to have a second and get pregnant relatively easily again (you never know with #2) then he'll most likely get snipped after.
RE: Birth control PP. Even though I was breastfeeding and didn't have regular periods, I got pregnant with this LO at 3 months PP! So even if it took a while the first time around, if you don't plan to have Irish Twins, talk to your OB about some kind of prevention or planning.
I was on BC for 10 years (part of that was Lupron, eww menopause). During the last year the pills didn’t help me anymore regardless of brand or strength. I was bleeding almost all month. Once we got married I stopped it to give my body a break and if we got pregnant then great! My periods went back to normal but no luck at conceiving in 4 months. So had my endo surgery and tubes flushed. We conceived within a month but lost. It took another 2 months to conceive DS. This time around the pill still wasn’t helping me PP bleeding all the time and decided to do the iud. Well that still didn’t help. In fact my cycle didn’t go back to normal and they were much longer. Got another surgery and tubes flushed and conceived the first month we tried. But we had a scare because i thought i was measuring behind but it was just my stupid screwed up long cycle. I am more against the iud than the pill but all this is what has lead to stopping at 2 kids and getting snipped. Hormonal BC can be life saving but after 10+ years i have learned it has its limitations.
I turn into the incredible hulk on the pill...not pretty... I was on BC from like 14-24 for heavy/bad cycles and they had to keep changing which kind/brand/strength because every 2 years I'd sort of reject it and go into menopausal symptoms. I did Mirena for a couple years and then had it removed to start trying for my first; had 1-2 cysts but overall was happy. Had a CP a couple months into trying for DD, then DD 2 months later. Used condoms between DD and trying again with a large attitude of what will be will be, then took 6 or so months of actual trying for this one with another CP a couple months before current. Not 100% sure what we'll do after this one...now that my tissue issues are known they probably don't want to do another implant...when FIL asked I told him abstinence was the plan
@gingerbride26 girl we were pretty much abstinent after DS even on the pill. I just wasn’t in the mood/tired and ppd made it hard. But no shame in that game. I’m allergic (get super itchy) to condom lubes so those are usually out.
@wildtot yea i can't imagine having energy/inclination with 2 >_< and i have no medical excuse I just HATE condoms. My drive is def close to non-existant and very tied to my emotional state... so like it just didn't happen during our rough patch... Right now has been rough because the inclination and urge is there thanks to hormones...but with all the high risk cervix concerns neither of us really want to chance it so we're both just frustrated a lot lol
I loved my hormonal bc from 16-22 but it took over 6 months for my cycle to regulate once I got off. After that I wanted nothing to do with hormonal bc. Between DS and this LO we avoided O times- DH has a pretty sad sex drive as it is so that wasn’t an issue for us. When we’re done he’ll be getting snipped, probably after 3.
I bought an Ava bracelet - right now it's on loan to my SIL but ya'll reminded me that I can definitely use it to avoid certain times of the month after this baby is born!
Breastfeeding completely kills my (already low) sex drive. I basically operated in a "fake it until you make it" mode during that time, and expect to do that again this time.
I am also 100% pro BC but after almost 20 years I'm done. We are honestly ok with condoms. It did kill my sex drive quite a bit so it was pretty awesome to not be on it! We will for sure be careful PP...I don't think my mind will go there for a while anyway... @TalesOfASocialIntrovert love the GIF !
A couple of randoms 1) I weigh myself this am and I lost a pound since Sunday, pregnancy weight sure is weird! This was also pre-poop and after all the Texas indulgences. Curious to see what the doc will weigh me at this morning 2) I was just mentioning on other threads about being nervous every time I don't feel baby much and yesterday he was CRAZY! Literally kicking around for 2 hours when I got home. It was pretty cute how he kicked everytime my DH talked to the bump asking if he was happy to be back home, lol. Also got an hour of kicks this am at 630 probably to force me to go pee and give him space haha
I've never taken BC of any form. We did the whole pull 'n pray method for about 6 years with surprising success (I guess DH has a lot of control). When I started charting for DD1 it took us 11 months to conceive her with all the right timing. For DS, my periods had just started coming back and the two cycles I had were long, but we conceived him pretty easily compared to DD1. This time...I wasn't charting at all and we didn't even bother with the pulling out part, so here we are. But I still had about 5-6 cycles before conceiving baby #3.
To prevent more babies after this one, DH is considering a vasectomy. FWIW, my friend's husband had a vasectomy years ago but when my friend was ready to have babies with him, they got it reversed. It took time for things to work again, but they have a happy and healthy 1 year old boy now. I'm not sure if there are different methods for vasectomies but clearly it can be successfully reversed.
@flockofmoosen3 that's why I think we would go the vasectomy route rather than the tube tying route - I've always heard they are reversible, whereas tube tying is not. I'm done with hormonal birth control for sure - the mini pill made me really emotionally messed up after my son was born, and we've been fine with pulling out/charting for a while now. I don't want the added risks of the hormones or anything invasive like an IUD. I have no clue if we will be done after this one or not, so definitely will just continue natural family planning for the foreseeable future. It's like pulling teeth getting my husband to use a condom. Not worth the effort so I just cut him off when I know I'm fertile.
So funny story/word to the wise on vasectomy's - we have a cousin who was a surprise after vasectomy because the uncle never went back for the sample in the cup to ensure there was no flow left...so don't forget to double check ;-)
ugh not sure if this is random/symptom/question or what but my anxiety is a 10 today. Mild cramping and spotting so I need to go into office at 245 (they offered to try other offices to make it sooner, but this way I could eat and try to calm down and DD could nap and be slightly less crazy at office). It's probably nothing but I can't shake that "off" feeling and he hasn't been as active today. My back was achey this morning but I just figured that was the discs, and now i'm overthinking. I asked DH to meet us at the dr to watch DD but he heard the sound of my voice and said he was coming straight home. He even offered to pick up comfort food. Hormones, pain level, and lack of sleep are my anxiety triggers...so I'm batting 1000 today.
Hope all checks out well, @gingerbride26! And much love for your DH for picking up on that and responding that way. Try to relax and distract yourself between now and then!
@gingerbride26 Hope it's nothing! Thinking of you. Happy the hubs is there to feed you and help keep your mind of things.
TTC History:
Me: 36 H: 40 Married 2015. Together since 2010. TTC: Sept 2016-Oct 2017 BFP Oct 2017. DD born July 2018. TTC: March 2020. BFP March 2020 Due date was Nov 2020 DS born Sept 2020. DS passed away Nov 2020 due to prematurity and birth trauma. TTC: March 2021 IUI #1 Nov 2021, BFN IUI #2 Dec 2021 BFP. MC Jan 2022 IUI #3 Aug 2022 BFN IUI #4 Sept 2022 BFN AMH test came back at .081. Was going to move on to IVF with DE, but have decided not to. Will be leaving it up to the universe now.
Re: Weekday Randoms 4/2/18
I agree with others that the nursery furniture doesn't have to be matchy-matchy. Depending on how you "finish" the room, mismatched furniture can look intentional and great.
Also is it just me getting stranger danger vibes in the spreadsheet thread? Maybe I'm reading too much into it...
TTC: Sept 2016-Oct 2017
BFP Oct 2017. DD born July 2018.
TTC: March 2020. BFP March 2020
Due date was Nov 2020
DS born Sept 2020. DS passed away Nov 2020 due to prematurity and birth trauma.
TTC: March 2021
IUI #1 Nov 2021, BFN
IUI #2 Dec 2021 BFP. MC Jan 2022
IUI #3 Aug 2022 BFN
IUI #4 Sept 2022 BFN
AMH test came back at .081. Was going to move on to IVF with DE, but have decided not to. Will be leaving it up to the universe now.
Managing the one babe won't be a problem, and I know once the baby is here lots of things will change and that we'll be like the rest of the veterans and enjoy all the snuggles, etc. But having another kid later would be really hard in a lot of ways. Not to mention neither of us are super keen on parenting into our mid 50s.
The property we were looking to buy and build on is way waaaaaay out. Nearest private school would be almost an hour drive each way. May as well live on the moon. Even if we did that, wouldn't be fair to the kid because the commute would be so long and would make it really hard to participate in school things and spending time with friends. Unless we did boarding school, and that isn't really something I'm comfortable with. DH also suggested we just keep a small condo here in town and when the kid is in school one of us could live there with kiddo during the school week, but I don't like the idea of the family split up during the week. Plus kids have things on weekends so it would still be more time apart with one of us basically functioning as a single parent while the other manages the business and misses out. Staying where we are just makes the most sense.
So it's less of a financial concern, and more a logistical issue. We may still retire in 5 years but that really means just quiting what we both do now and find a fun job that maybe doesn't pay well but we enjoy. The inn dream shall have to wait just because of location.
Sorry, I'm just whining today. We opted not to buy the property because it wasn't going to make sense anymore given our situation and I just saw it's pending with another buyer now. Trying not to be disappointed.
TTC December 2016
BFP 2/28/17 // CP 3/1/17
MFI Diagnosis: Aug 2017
BFP 11/1/17 // DS born 6/18
TTC January 2019
BFP 3/21/19 // D&C (MMC) 5/8/19
TTC December 2016
BFP 2/28/17 // CP 3/1/17
MFI Diagnosis: Aug 2017
BFP 11/1/17 // DS born 6/18
TTC January 2019
BFP 3/21/19 // D&C (MMC) 5/8/19
ETA @MrsMiller8588 I’m up to date now! That one is creepy!
My random for the day: baby boy always wakes up for food. It takes him like .2 seconds to realize I’m eating and wake up and kick me really hard.
@noideawhatshesdoing I hope you find a way to pursue your dream of an Inn, that’s super cool!
I was so happy with DH yesterday--we got a bill from the hospital in the mail yesterday for my follow up anatomy scan but the amount didn't make sense. He called the hospital's billing department, called insurance, and sorted it all out before I got home from work without having to pay the higher bill. Yay!
I've been in lots of places in my life where I stressed and worried over the future. It almost always works out in ways that I wouldn't have predicted and wouldn't change for the world.
Anyways I had been on bc pretty much for 16 years with a few breaks and I'm definitely done with it. If we decide to have a second and get pregnant relatively easily again (you never know with #2) then he'll most likely get snipped after.
I am more against the iud than the pill but all this is what has lead to stopping at 2 kids and getting snipped. Hormonal BC can be life saving but after 10+ years i have learned it has its limitations.
There’s no hope for the rest of us
Between DS and this LO we avoided O times- DH has a pretty sad sex drive as it is so that wasn’t an issue for us. When we’re done he’ll be getting snipped, probably after 3.
Breastfeeding completely kills my (already low) sex drive. I basically operated in a "fake it until you make it" mode during that time, and expect to do that again this time.
We will for sure be careful PP...I don't think my mind will go there for a while anyway...
@TalesOfASocialIntrovert love the GIF !
2) I was just mentioning on other threads about being nervous every time I don't feel baby much and yesterday he was CRAZY! Literally kicking around for 2 hours when I got home. It was pretty cute how he kicked everytime my DH talked to the bump asking if he was happy to be back home, lol. Also got an hour of kicks this am at 630 probably to force me to go pee and give him space haha
To prevent more babies after this one, DH is considering a vasectomy. FWIW, my friend's husband had a vasectomy years ago but when my friend was ready to have babies with him, they got it reversed. It took time for things to work again, but they have a happy and healthy 1 year old boy now. I'm not sure if there are different methods for vasectomies but clearly it can be successfully reversed.
ugh not sure if this is random/symptom/question or what but my anxiety is a 10 today. Mild cramping and spotting so I need to go into office at 245 (they offered to try other offices to make it sooner, but this way I could eat and try to calm down and DD could nap and be slightly less crazy at office). It's probably nothing but I can't shake that "off" feeling and he hasn't been as active today. My back was achey this morning but I just figured that was the discs, and now i'm overthinking. I asked DH to meet us at the dr to watch DD but he heard the sound of my voice and said he was coming straight home. He even offered to pick up comfort food. Hormones, pain level, and lack of sleep are my anxiety triggers...so I'm batting 1000 today.
TTC: Sept 2016-Oct 2017
BFP Oct 2017. DD born July 2018.
TTC: March 2020. BFP March 2020
Due date was Nov 2020
DS born Sept 2020. DS passed away Nov 2020 due to prematurity and birth trauma.
TTC: March 2021
IUI #1 Nov 2021, BFN
IUI #2 Dec 2021 BFP. MC Jan 2022
IUI #3 Aug 2022 BFN
IUI #4 Sept 2022 BFN
AMH test came back at .081. Was going to move on to IVF with DE, but have decided not to. Will be leaving it up to the universe now.