I was a little bit put off by this comment exchange on fb after I shared a photo of me and my sister from this weekend (I'd just hit 20w that day)...
Lady: Awww, your babies are growing!
Me: Yes, it took a while before I really started showing, but they're clearly in there now!
Lady: OH, yes. They certainly ARE!
It's like ok lady, I know I'm clearly pregnant now (which I'm obviously happy about), but I'm really not that huge, especially since I'm having twins. Did you really need to include the all caps? Let's tone it down a little because I'm only going to get bigger!
I brought in cookies to work today to share. One guy says "shouldn't you be bringing in healthy food?!". Ummm eff you, if you don't want my cookies don't eat them!
Me 29 I Him 26 Married 4/22/16
TTC 9/2015 **TW** BFP 2/1/16 I MC 3/21/16 (11w) TTCAL 6/15/16 BFP 3/23/2017 Team pink! Quinn Leigh EDD December 1, 2017
People have balls. I've actually been pretty lucky so far.
Once about a month ago an acquaintance was like "you're only 17 weeks?! are there 2 babies in there?!". She's my friend's much younger sister-in-law and my friend, who's very pregnant right now, took a while to show while I did not (probably because she's very tall and has a long torso, while I'm very short with a tiny torso). It's probably just what she was used to seeing so I didn't take it personally. There have been a few other odd little statements here and there, but I'm still waiting for the worst of it...
My mom told me this morning, before she got on an airplane to leave the country for three weeks, that I need to be really careful about my weight gain in the back half of this pregnancy because I'm so big un-pregnant than I should not gain anything -- or maybe even try to lose weight, sweetie -- while growing a human.
I offered to email her the current weight gain guidelines for obese women, and told her that my OB was perfectly fine with my weight management so far, thanks, we've got it covered. But it still makes me steaming mad.
@kyrwyn aaaahhhh! Mom's can be so crazy about weight. My mom was convinced I was anorexic even though I'm usually around the top end of normal on BMI. I was like, do you even know who I am? I can barely get between meals without snacking, there's not a snowball's chance I would ever purposefully starve myself. Pass the ice cream.
Meanwhile, I had a roommate in college that was a size zero, and her mom was always giving her crap about how she was getting fat. Thankfully, she recognized it for the nonsense it was, and just rolled her eyes and told her mom it wouldn't be terrible to put on a few pounds, and she was happy - so drop it.
TCC since Feb 2013 No, I'm not an early bird, but that doesn't mean I'm a night owl.... I guess I'm an afternoon duck? Type A personality, Type B body First BFP with donor sperm 04/11/2017
thatlauragirl I'm getting a lot of the "complete" family and "well balanced" comments, so annoying.
I've always been heavier set. This pregnancy I've been wearing dresses because it's summer, and pants suck. I thought I was looking cute, in a coral lace fit/flare dress, MIL called it a Muumuu....
I haven't gotten any this pregnancy, but when I was pregnant with DS a random man walked up and said "Wow, I think I could stick a fork in you, you look so done". Ahhh, what?!
I'm already getting tired of the "oh another girl? Will you try for a boy? Really? You should!" No thank you, baby girl will complete our family nicely
@KathrynJ088 before we found out the genders, my cousin seemed skeptical when I explained to her that we'd know for sure they were fraternal if they were boy/girl twins. It blows my mind that people can't comprehend the meaning of "identical" lol.
@KathrynJ088@leilagphillips I'd be so tempted to say something along the lines of " One has a penis and the other one doesn't, but yes, they are identical."
My aunt just asked me on my Facebook wall if we were considering "getting the snip" yet. I'm sorry but that's not her business and it definitely isn't the business of the internet. This is after telling me that December isn't a good time for birth... What?
Today one of my colleagues came over to congratulate me because he just found out I was pregnant (it's been pretty publically known where I work for the last month and a half, but I didn't make an official announcement, so a few people have found out late). The way he said it was "Congratulations! I noticed you'd been gaining weight so I went and asked so and so..."
Why is it that people feel obliged to tell expectant parents negative things about becoming a parent?
...more along the lines of sounding completely generic and frankly idiotic.
Apparently I'm never going to sleep again, have a social life and our marriage will be over. I should kiss my truck goodbye(that's a good one) , Or I will have no "me" time or "us" time, oh and this is a good one , sleep now while you can?
What the hell does that even mean?
Becoming a parent and having a family is probably one of the most exciting times in ours lives but it just seems like everyone's "advice" and is just a reflection on how their own parenting experiences are going.
I can only speak for myself and I can not wait for the the sleepless nights and challenges that are coming my way!
"Baby number 4 huh? So are you done or are you trying to be like the Brady Bunch?"
"Oh you finally tried for a boy! Now you can be done."
Screw you. For some reason it makes it more infuriating because we in fact are done and very happy with this baby being the last puzzle to our family. I'm just not going to admit that to an arrogant prick. And also, if this baby had been a girl it wouldn't have changed the fact that we are satisfied with our family. It's just so frustrating how people obviously value what body parts my babies have between their legs. Like somehow a boy is more coveted because I already have 3 girls...A family friend gets the same kind of crap except over having a girl because she has 4 boys.
Oh when are you due? Me: Dec 1. Oh so close to Christmas after eyes bulge out of head. Me:yes. Are you sure your dates are right me: yes. First baby? Me: no third oh what do you have at home and what are you having Me: third girl. Oh your poor husband? Don't you want a boy? Yes I would like a boy and why poor husband he adores his girls. finally I'm a Labor and delivery nurse and if one more person asks why I'm still working or says oh your in the right place I'm gonna throats punch them
Ok so this was the most asinine comment(s) so far in my pregnancy. Guy at the gas station says "soooo are we expecting orrr......" and I just stayed quiet , stared at him and let him squirm in the awkwardness. And then laughed, and said orrr what? He continues to get bashfully defensive and says "well, I don't know, it just looks like you are pregnant." Being as though I've been coming to this gas station since I was about 13, I laughed it off and said yes you are right l am expecting our first baby girl in the beginning of December. Then he continues to grill me with questions with how come I waited soooooo long. "Were you waiting till you were financially established, or established in your career or had I not met the right person till now?" I'm sorry Jon from Exxon, when was the last time you took me out to lunch or that we went and got our nails done together? How do people think it's ok to ask such personal questions to a complete stranger? You really can't make this shit up.
3 times today before 11am at work: "how much longer do you have?" (or some variation) Me: 3 months Them: "oh wow! So are they going to put you on bedrest?"
REALLY? I know my belly is big, and you know there's TWO babies in there.. but let me remind you again.
I know I'm a few days behind on this thread (more like a week.. but I'm trying to keep up!) but I had to share the shit comment I got from my best friend who is ALSO pregnant, and 10 weeks farther along than me.. This is my second pregnancy, but it's still taking me forever to get past the "pregnant or pudgy" stage of showing. I really felt like I was looking much more pregnant for the last week or two, so I wore a cute, fitted maternity top to her husband's birthday party the other night. I got SO many of the "I thought you might be pregnant, but I wasn't sure..." comments from strangers, and I told my husband that I was getting super self conscious that everyone thought I was just flaunting pudge and not a bump. I ended up saying the same thing "jokingly" to my best friend in front of some of the other women who had commented about my belly and bitch says "well you do have more of a beer gut shape going on still"!!!! She and I have been friends for 10 years and she is notorious for making stupid foot-in-mouth comments so they usually don't bother me, but that one stung. So now I'm back to favoring some over sized t-shirts until my "beer gut" rounds out more. *edited because mobile bumping never takes my full comment
@lovelylittledahls That was a real asshole thing for your friend to say, nothing like fostering insecurity in a pregnant woman. So sorry people are making you feel anything less than beautiful, you should rock your bump proudly!
I'm a bit behind, but all I have to say is WOW to some of those.
My friends and family have been pretty good so far, but the most ridiculous questions or statements have come from medical personnel!
1) The first time I was in the ER, my H was in Hong Kong on business. So when I needed to go to the ER at 10pm on Friday night, I called my mom like the adult that I am. :-) Anyways, so there I am, 15 weeks pregnant, no dad to be seen, with my parents. (Mind you, I'm 31...) Not one, but TWO nurses asked me if this was a planned pregnancy. Uh.. what bearing does that have on my medical care and what the hell business is it of yours? When I told my OB at our next appointment even she was embarrassed.
2) The second time I was in the hospital, following emergency surgery to remove a giant ovarian cyst, they put me post op on the postpartum floor. I had a nurse walk in, looking at my chart, and have the nerve to look around and ask where my baby was? Umm, I just had surgery to keep Baby in and cooking, it's a damn good thing he's not here for you to see! (Which also made me think about women whose children are in the NICU, how rude!)
3) (I already told this story in another thread, but it definitely belongs here too) The third time I was in the ER, I was miserable. The firs two times I was there for pain, but this time I was there because I was dizzy and nausous and could barely stand. After running all his tests, and not knowing whats going on, the doctor comes in and tells me "you're pregnant." Well no sh*t sherlock. He continues by telling me that his wife was pregnant, so he knows all about it.
Just no.
Me: 30 DH: 31
2 Dogs / 2 Cats
IUI #1 07/2016 BFN
IUI #2 10/2016 BFN
IUI #3 11/2016 BFN IVF #1 03/2017 - 23 Retrieved / 22 Fertilized / 11 at Day 3 / 1 Beautiful Embryo tf on Day 5 / 7 Frozen on Day 6 - Beta #1 4/5/17: 104 Beta #2 4/7/17 224
@djd0404@anewadventure Thank you guys! I'm trying not to let it bug me too much but I still end up with my hand on my belly to clue people in that I'm pregnant... so if they miss that hint I guess I just look like someone with a beer gut and massive gastrointestinal issues
@txmomma16 How infuriating! I had to have my gallbladder removed a couple weeks ago and I was terrified. I've never had any surgery or anything so to have my first while pregnant horrified me. I couldn't believe how many nurses came in my room and said "oh my goodness you're having surgery while you're pregnant! How scary!" another one was "we were all talking about this earlier, we can't believe they're preforming the surgery while you're pregnant". Like great, thanks medical professionals... obviously as pregnant mommas we're aware that surgery isn't ideal during pregnancy but we're doing the best we can and trying to keep our babies safe and keep ourselves from freaking out too. Don't need your help feeling worse! So sorry you had to go through that and I hope you and baby are doing great now!
@lovelylittledahls Ugh! I am so sorry! Surgery while not pregnant is scary, emergency surgery while pregnant is downright terrifying. I'm sorry you had to experience that. Those nurses sound awful! How terrible to be vulnerable and under someone's care that is saying that to you! I'm so glad that you're doing better! AFM Baby is a little champ and doing great. :-)
Me: 30 DH: 31
2 Dogs / 2 Cats
IUI #1 07/2016 BFN
IUI #2 10/2016 BFN
IUI #3 11/2016 BFN IVF #1 03/2017 - 23 Retrieved / 22 Fertilized / 11 at Day 3 / 1 Beautiful Embryo tf on Day 5 / 7 Frozen on Day 6 - Beta #1 4/5/17: 104 Beta #2 4/7/17 224
@breezybee She never thinks before she speaks! Thankfully we have the kind of friendship where I can easily tell her that she's being a raging bitch and she backs off and apologizes. What shocked me most is that she is on her second pregnancy as well, you'd think she'd be a little more aware of what she says. Even the other women there kind of scolded her! I wasn't able to address it then, for fear of crying like an idiot, so I made a quick exit to take DD to the bathroom. I will be mentioning it to her before we see each other again though!
Maybe it's just me, but the only people to comment on my bump so far have been men, which I find a little interesting. A patient in the waiting area yesterday was like, "Hey! When's the little one coming?" And I answered "December" with a smile and added, "We're excited." and went into my office. Then 5 minutes later he poked his head in my office and was creepily like, "Heh, you know what causes that don't you?!" and I played along with a titter.
But it's like yeah I know what causes it: taking my temperature every damn day and having the most unromantic timed sex for almost two years to the point where we're both 500% over it. Also it just felt like a skeezy way for him to bring up me having sex or picture me having sex...? I dunno but skeezy all the same.
Me: 36 | DH 35, Married 2007
TTC #1 June 2015 April 2016 - AMH, FSH, Progesterone normal June 2016 - HSG clear *TW* BFP - Aug16, demise confirmed Sep16, incomplete m/c, D&C Nov16 BFP 3/27/17, edd 12/7/17 DS - 12/9/17 TTC #2 December 2018 BFP 2/22/19, edd 11/4/19 DD - 11/1/19 My Chart
Yesterday, my male boss asked me if I was gaining too much weight and if my weight gain was on track. He said he remembered it being an issue with his wife. WTF?! I'm petite and on the lower end of the BMI scale to begin with, or else I would have been super offended. As it is, the guy's old with no filter/completely clueless.
Then today, another male coworker took one look at my stomach (I'm wearing a more fitted top today), and commented how the baby was growing bigger in there. True, but come on. Groan.
I agree with lots of you that I am 100% over the 'How are you feeling?" question. After having 2 miscarriages in a row everyone seems to be taking it upon themselves to constantly ask me. I'm always waffling between the easy answer "I'm fine" or the honest one "I"m an anxious mess, thanks for asking." Maybe if I start just breaking into tears each time, people will stop asking.
Also, my mom has told me like the last 5 times she's seen me "Oh honey, you look so tired." Really? Do I look that bad?
Can't decide if the male coworker of mine actually meant it when he said I'm not even showing or if he just thought that's what I would want to hear. But I wanted to be like, "Have you seen me?" Instead I was just like, "Yeah, I'm pretty small still..." (Which I do not believe.)
Re: Sh*t People Say to Pregnant Women
Me: 29 DH: 31
Married 10/13/12
TTC Since 8/2016
I was a little bit put off by this comment exchange on fb after I shared a photo of me and my sister from this weekend (I'd just hit 20w that day)...
Lady: Awww, your babies are growing!
Me: Yes, it took a while before I really started showing, but they're clearly in there now!
Lady: OH, yes. They certainly ARE!
It's like ok lady, I know I'm clearly pregnant now (which I'm obviously happy about), but I'm really not that huge, especially since I'm having twins. Did you really need to include the all caps? Let's tone it down a little because I'm only going to get bigger!
Married 4/22/16
**TW**
BFP 2/1/16 I MC 3/21/16 (11w)
TTCAL 6/15/16
BFP 3/23/2017 Team pink! Quinn Leigh EDD December 1, 2017
Once about a month ago an acquaintance was like "you're only 17 weeks?! are there 2 babies in there?!". She's my friend's much younger sister-in-law and my friend, who's very pregnant right now, took a while to show while I did not (probably because she's very tall and has a long torso, while I'm very short with a tiny torso). It's probably just what she was used to seeing so I didn't take it personally. There have been a few other odd little statements here and there, but I'm still waiting for the worst of it...
I offered to email her the current weight gain guidelines for obese women, and told her that my OB was perfectly fine with my weight management so far, thanks, we've got it covered. But it still makes me steaming mad.
Meanwhile, I had a roommate in college that was a size zero, and her mom was always giving her crap about how she was getting fat. Thankfully, she recognized it for the nonsense it was, and just rolled her eyes and told her mom it wouldn't be terrible to put on a few pounds, and she was happy - so drop it.
No, I'm not an early bird, but that doesn't mean I'm a night owl.... I guess I'm an afternoon duck?
Type A personality, Type B body
First BFP with donor sperm 04/11/2017
I've always been heavier set. This pregnancy I've been wearing dresses because it's summer, and pants suck. I thought I was looking cute, in a coral lace fit/flare dress, MIL called it a Muumuu....
Married May 2014
DD born August 2016
Baby #2 due December 2017
Married 4/22/16
**TW**
BFP 2/1/16 I MC 3/21/16 (11w)
TTCAL 6/15/16
BFP 3/23/2017 Team pink! Quinn Leigh EDD December 1, 2017
"Was it intentional to have two?" - how can you really intentionally have twins?
"Was it natural?" - well.. when a man and a woman love each other...
"Are they identical?" -usually after I've said they're boy/girl
I'm really not sure if I'm actually containing the eye rolls anymore.
May Siggy Challenge: TV mom
"Does this baby have a daddy?"
Why is it that people feel obliged to tell expectant parents negative things about becoming a parent?
...more along the lines of sounding completely generic and frankly idiotic.
Apparently I'm never going to sleep again, have a social life and our marriage will be over. I should kiss my truck goodbye(that's a good one) , Or I will have no "me" time or "us" time, oh and this is a good one , sleep now while you can?
What the hell does that even mean?
Becoming a parent and having a family is probably one of the most exciting times in ours lives but it just seems like everyone's "advice" and is just a reflection on how their own parenting experiences are going.
I can only speak for myself and I can not wait for the the sleepless nights and challenges that are coming my way!
"Oh you finally tried for a boy! Now you can be done."
Screw you. For some reason it makes it more infuriating because we in fact are done and very happy with this baby being the last puzzle to our family. I'm just not going to admit that to an arrogant prick. And also, if this baby had been a girl it wouldn't have changed the fact that we are satisfied with our family.
It's just so frustrating how people obviously value what body parts my babies have between their legs. Like somehow a boy is more coveted because I already have 3 girls...A family friend gets the same kind of crap except over having a girl because she has 4 boys.
Oh so close to Christmas after eyes bulge out of head. Me:yes. Are you sure your dates are right me: yes. First baby? Me: no third oh what do you have at home and what are you having Me: third girl. Oh your poor husband? Don't you want a boy?
Yes I would like a boy and why poor husband he adores his girls.
finally I'm a Labor and delivery nurse and if one more person asks why I'm still working or says oh your in the right place I'm gonna throats punch them
And then laughed, and said orrr what?
He continues to get bashfully defensive and says "well, I don't know, it just looks like you are pregnant."
Being as though I've been coming to this gas station since I was about 13, I laughed it off and said yes you are right l am expecting our first baby girl in the beginning of December.
Then he continues to grill me with questions with how come I waited soooooo long.
"Were you waiting till you were financially established, or established in your career or had I not met the right person till now?"
I'm sorry Jon from Exxon, when was the last time you took me out to lunch or that we went and got our nails done together?
How do people think it's ok to ask such personal questions to a complete stranger?
You really can't make this shit up.
Me: 3 months
Them: "oh wow! So are they going to put you on bedrest?"
REALLY? I know my belly is big, and you know there's TWO babies in there.. but let me remind you again.
This is my second pregnancy, but it's still taking me forever to get past the "pregnant or pudgy" stage of showing. I really felt like I was looking much more pregnant for the last week or two, so I wore a cute, fitted maternity top to her husband's birthday party the other night. I got SO many of the "I thought you might be pregnant, but I wasn't sure..." comments from strangers, and I told my husband that I was getting super self conscious that everyone thought I was just flaunting pudge and not a bump. I ended up saying the same thing "jokingly" to my best friend in front of some of the other women who had commented about my belly and bitch says "well you do have more of a beer gut shape going on still"!!!! She and I have been friends for 10 years and she is notorious for making stupid foot-in-mouth comments so they usually don't bother me, but that one stung. So now I'm back to favoring some over sized t-shirts until my "beer gut" rounds out more.
*edited because mobile bumping never takes my full comment
Met: September 2005 Married: October 2008 DS: 09/2014
TTC #1 since 12/2015
BFP 4/4/17, EDD 12/4/17
My friends and family have been pretty good so far, but the most ridiculous questions or statements have come from medical personnel!
1) The first time I was in the ER, my H was in Hong Kong on business. So when I needed to go to the ER at 10pm on Friday night, I called my mom like the adult that I am. :-) Anyways, so there I am, 15 weeks pregnant, no dad to be seen, with my parents. (Mind you, I'm 31...) Not one, but TWO nurses asked me if this was a planned pregnancy. Uh.. what bearing does that have on my medical care and what the hell business is it of yours? When I told my OB at our next appointment even she was embarrassed.
2) The second time I was in the hospital, following emergency surgery to remove a giant ovarian cyst, they put me post op on the postpartum floor. I had a nurse walk in, looking at my chart, and have the nerve to look around and ask where my baby was? Umm, I just had surgery to keep Baby in and cooking, it's a damn good thing he's not here for you to see! (Which also made me think about women whose children are in the NICU, how rude!)
3) (I already told this story in another thread, but it definitely belongs here too) The third time I was in the ER, I was miserable. The firs two times I was there for pain, but this time I was there because I was dizzy and nausous and could barely stand. After running all his tests, and not knowing whats going on, the doctor comes in and tells me "you're pregnant." Well no sh*t sherlock. He continues by telling me that his wife was pregnant, so he knows all about it.
Just no.
2 Dogs / 2 Cats
IUI #2 10/2016 BFN
IUI #3 11/2016 BFN
IVF #1 03/2017 - 23 Retrieved / 22 Fertilized / 11 at Day 3 / 1 Beautiful Embryo tf on Day 5 / 7 Frozen on Day 6 - Beta #1 4/5/17: 104 Beta #2 4/7/17 224
@txmomma16 How infuriating! I had to have my gallbladder removed a couple weeks ago and I was terrified. I've never had any surgery or anything so to have my first while pregnant horrified me. I couldn't believe how many nurses came in my room and said "oh my goodness you're having surgery while you're pregnant! How scary!" another one was "we were all talking about this earlier, we can't believe they're preforming the surgery while you're pregnant". Like great, thanks medical professionals... obviously as pregnant mommas we're aware that surgery isn't ideal during pregnancy but we're doing the best we can and trying to keep our babies safe and keep ourselves from freaking out too. Don't need your help feeling worse! So sorry you had to go through that and I hope you and baby are doing great now!
2 Dogs / 2 Cats
IUI #2 10/2016 BFN
IUI #3 11/2016 BFN
IVF #1 03/2017 - 23 Retrieved / 22 Fertilized / 11 at Day 3 / 1 Beautiful Embryo tf on Day 5 / 7 Frozen on Day 6 - Beta #1 4/5/17: 104 Beta #2 4/7/17 224
But it's like yeah I know what causes it: taking my temperature every damn day and having the most unromantic timed sex for almost two years to the point where we're both 500% over it. Also it just felt like a skeezy way for him to bring up me having sex or picture me having sex...? I dunno but skeezy all the same.
April 2016 - AMH, FSH, Progesterone normal
June 2016 - HSG clear
*TW* BFP - Aug16, demise confirmed Sep16, incomplete m/c, D&C Nov16
BFP 3/27/17, edd 12/7/17
DS - 12/9/17
TTC #2 December 2018
BFP 2/22/19, edd 11/4/19
DD - 11/1/19
My Chart
2 Dogs / 2 Cats
IUI #2 10/2016 BFN
IUI #3 11/2016 BFN
IVF #1 03/2017 - 23 Retrieved / 22 Fertilized / 11 at Day 3 / 1 Beautiful Embryo tf on Day 5 / 7 Frozen on Day 6 - Beta #1 4/5/17: 104 Beta #2 4/7/17 224
Then today, another male coworker took one look at my stomach (I'm wearing a more fitted top today), and commented how the baby was growing bigger in there. True, but come on. Groan.
Also, my mom has told me like the last 5 times she's seen me "Oh honey, you look so tired." Really? Do I look that bad?
DD - 12/28/17
TTC #2 3/2019
BFP 5/2019 || MC - D&C 5/2019
BFP 2/2020 || EDD 10/10/2020