Just curious if any of you are having a shower or sprinkle for your next child (that family or friends are hosting).
I know you can look at it either way ("each child should be celebrated" vs "We already have everything"), however I wanted to see what women who are actually pregnant (second time or more) are doing.
My family and friends keep bringing up a sprinkle, however given that my kids will be 22 months apart and same gender, I am leaning towards no at the moment. I have considered hosting an informal gathering or sip and see for people to see my son after he's born, but have no plans to do another registry (given that the things I need are big ticket items that I don't expect others to buy for me), and would likely prefer no gifts. We shall see.
I know everyone's situation and preferences are diff, but what are your plans/ what are you allowing?
*original post edited for clarity*
Re: Second Time Moms: Shower/Sprinkle?
We eloped last summer and we were planning on doing a wedding of sorts in June, so those plans are now scrapped. We will most likely do some sort of party in the summer to celebrate both events, but probably more of a backyard bbq than anything big.
DD will be 3 in March, so if this one is a girl we can reuse pretty much everything. Although, there are a few things I wouldn't mind updating.
I would never expect one or throw myself one.
This is our 3rd and it'll have been almost 6 years since we've had an infant around the house. I didn't expect any kind of shower because I'm an adult who can buy their own things now (as opposed to when we had our first and my DH was in law school, so broke) BUT, all my neighbor friends have begged to throw me a small shower. They're all past the baby stage and are so excited to have a newborn around town. I know they'll keep it super low key, so I think it'll be a fun time to hang out with some good friends and eat my weight in CFA. I think that's a win win.
With that being said, I echo all of the previous posters. Would not throw one myself and definitely don't expect one. Actually hoping no one wants to do one because I find showers awkward and can be very shy. I also bought everything gender neutral for my son and he is only 14 months old so I still have everything.
Every time I tell someone I am not doing anything (gender reveal, sprinkle or shower), they seem surprised, so just wanted to gut check it with some ladies in a similar boat.
I still have DD's (3) crib in great condition and plan on only purchasing a handful of items this time around.
DH: 35 | Me: 29
BFP #1- 07.25.12, EDD: 03.24.13, DD born 03.26.13
Surprised BFP #2- 02.25.15, EDD: 10/29/15 |*m/c 7w4d, D&C 04.02.2015
BFP #3- 01.21.16, EDD: 09.29.26 |*m/c-blighted ovum 2.19.16 8w1d, D&C 03.04.16
BFP #4- 05.24.16, EDD: 02.04.17 |*natural m/c- 07.08.16, 9w1d
BFP #5- 09/25/16, EDD: 06.07.17 GROW, BABY, GROW!
I'm sure our parents will offer to buy us stuff and close friends may get us little things but I won't have an official event. And never throw it yourself, ugh, that is the worst.
A misunderstanding of the original intention for something doesn't change etiquette standards. I agree that many Americans choose to look at showers as a celebration of the baby, but that isn't correct. You can't throw a party in honor of a guest who isn't actually present. Celebrating the baby with a sip and see or similar once it is born is more appropriate if that is the intention.
This is like how brides now can't understand why honeymoon registries are not traditionally etiquette-approved. Asking for cash in any form is tacky, period, and that's what they are. People still do them in increasing numbers though. Just because something is becoming common doesn't mean it's proper, or that all people accept it. Some people will always see things like honeymoon registries and second+ showers and throwing your own shower as rude.
I mean You Do You everyone, just keep in mind that it's possible that some people would think you were being rude by breaking etiquette rules. That's why they exist in the first place - as a reference point to ensure that you won't offend your guests. I've been to second showers, and showers thrown by the guest of honor themselves, and I've contributed to honeymoon registries...but make no mistake, i side-eyed them. I'd never say that to the person they were in honor of, but it is true. And I'd personally be horrified if I offended a friend or family member similarly, so I don't do it.
DS1 - 7/2011, DD 12/2012, DS2 - 4/2014, MMC - 12/2015
For the US because most associate a shower with gifts, I believe showers for STMs who already received a shower for baby #1 to be unnecessary. Beyond tacky when a woman throws her own. Just my opinion. A mother has already been welcomed to motherhood and should be able to purchase new items for herself. I don't believe having a different sex is an appropriate excuse for a second shower either.
If someone really insists on throwing a shower for me (happened with DD with new colleagues), I politely decline and mentioned that I was blessed to receive so many wonderful gifts while pregnant with DS. Just my preference there. Near my my due date with DD, colleagues instead threw a surprise ice cream party one afternoon (I mean who doesn't love that) and they gave me some diapers with a card which was so sweet, but unexpected.
I'm totally fine attending when my friends organize sprinkles or small gatherings or a dinner for one another with small gifts (i.e., no large gear, usually cute clothing or accessories). I've never been invited to one thrown by the mother... I would find that tacky UNLESS it was a dinner that explicitly said 'no gifts' as I would love to celebrate her in a group setting but I hate gift grubbing.
Secretly, I am hoping that my peers do something for me before or after the baby is born... at least a card and maybe flowers to the hospital or something small would be a nice touch... but I'm the only woman so probably nothing, haha!
They have turned it into a "sip and see" now. I guess when the baby is born, a party for everyone to come and meet the baby, which I am totally ok with.
Its crazy because I love going to showers/Sprinkles, just am so against for myself. It's just because I have so much stuff.
My family is all spread out, though, so we did a virtual one last time. It was kind of weird/awkward over video chat. So I'm both hoping and not hoping.
MMC: 09/13 (9 weeks)
DD: Born 8/22/14
Babies #2 & 3: Due dates 6/9/17
And my other love: writing
TTC#1 for 19 months with PCOS and MFI IUI#3 + injectables = BFP!!!! Beta#1-134(13dpiui) Beta #2-392(15dpiui)
#1 born December 2011
TTC#2 - Beta #1 -51@10dpo Beta#2 -1353 @16dpo
#2 born May 2013
TTC # 3 June 2014 BFP 12-1-14
#3 born August 2015
#4!!!!!!! due June 2017
However, if one of the parents is a second time parent but the other is a first time parent, I can totally get on board with a full on baby shower.
And also, I didn't get to actually attend either of my baby showers since I was in the hospital so I FaceTimed during them.
I wouldn't put it past my family or very close girlfriends to put a surprise together. I guess I have no control over that...but I'm not even sure what they would purchase as we literally have everything from DS1 who is (almost) 21 months. (Edit from 22 to 21)
DH: 29
DS: 18 months 4/2/2015
Baby #2 EDD: 6/1/2017
Totally being a smart ass above so now for a real question: where are the etiquette rules? Meaning where can I read up? Are these American etiquette rules that dictate shower decorum? (Our families came from outside the US and what we do tends to be very different)