Second Time Moms: Shower/Sprinkle?

onaed · December 2016

Just curious if any of you are having a shower or sprinkle for your next child (that family or friends are hosting).

I know you can look at it either way ("each child should be celebrated" vs "We already have everything"), however I wanted to see what women who are actually pregnant (second time or more) are doing.

My family and friends keep bringing up a sprinkle, however given that my kids will be 22 months apart and same gender, I am leaning towards no at the moment. I have considered hosting an informal gathering or sip and see for people to see my son after he's born, but have no plans to do another registry (given that the things I need are big ticket items that I don't expect others to buy for me), and would likely prefer no gifts. We shall see.

I know everyone's situation and preferences are diff, but what are your plans/ what are you allowing?

*original post edited for clarity*

awillis13 · December 2016

I wouldn't throw one myself, and I'm really not expecting one. This is #3 for us (but our first together, we each had 1 from a previous marriage). We have long since gotten rid of most of the baby gear (we have crib, stroller, pnp, but the other 'stuff' we would need to get again). I wonder since it's a situation where it's different families would there at least be a sprinkle, but I really doubt it.

We eloped last summer and we were planning on doing a wedding of sorts in June, so those plans are now scrapped. We will most likely do some sort of party in the summer to celebrate both events, but probably more of a backyard bbq than anything big.

mirdamae03 · December 2016

I didn't throw one for myself, but a handful of close friends and family had a lunch in Dean's honor and I got some diapers, gift certificates, etc. I wouldn't have felt comfortable with anything bigger than what we had. The boys are 3 years apart.

Kylieslip24 · December 2016

I'm hoping not. I don't like being the center of attention and we had 3 big ones for dd back in 2013. We have kept pretty much everything, so I figure if it's a boy he will have a few pink things. We can buy some boy stuff for him and I know my family will want to buy stuff because it would be the first boy. If it's a girl we really won't need anything, I think we could pretty easily cover twin girls with all we were given last time

Ahutch428 · December 2016

Same as @awillis13. I wouldn't throw one for my self, and I'm not expecting anyone else to either. Work does a small shower for each baby with diapers only. If someone wants to do something small, I would probably be OK with it.

DD will be 3 in March, so if this one is a girl we can reuse pretty much everything. Although, there are a few things I wouldn't mind updating.

Stankonia2014 · December 2016

Same as @mirdamae03, I had a small, informal gathering at a local restaurant with a group of friends and co-workers.

I would never expect one or throw myself one.

keniialise · December 2016

I would never have one for myself, that being said when I was pregnant with my second my friends just would not have that and they threw me a surprise sprinkle. My second was just 20 months older and also a boy so I was set on not having anything. It ended up being great, no big presents just diapers and small personalized things to celebrate the new babe

mamaelle27 · December 2016

My family is amazing/crazy and threw me a huge shower and gifted us with everything we needed (and some things we didn't need) 2 summers ago when I was pregnant with DD. I'm having another girl and they'll only be 22 months apart, so I don't need or expect anything. I like the idea of a "sip and see" type bbq when the baby is a month or two old (just to celebrate the baby, no gifts expected) but my family will all descend upon the house the baby's first few weeks anyway so a party's not really necessary for us.

CurlyMommy416 · December 2016

Where's that UO thread- I think throwing yourself a party is tacky, especially if it's an occasion that usually involves getting gifts. But hey, this is America and you can do what you want

This is our 3rd and it'll have been almost 6 years since we've had an infant around the house. I didn't expect any kind of shower because I'm an adult who can buy their own things now (as opposed to when we had our first and my DH was in law school, so broke) BUT, all my neighbor friends have begged to throw me a small shower. They're all past the baby stage and are so excited to have a newborn around town. I know they'll keep it super low key, so I think it'll be a fun time to hang out with some good friends and eat my weight in CFA. I think that's a win win.

kfry22 · December 2016

I was waiting for this bump classic can of worms to appear in our thread!!

With that being said, I echo all of the previous posters. Would not throw one myself and definitely don't expect one. Actually hoping no one wants to do one because I find showers awkward and can be very shy. I also bought everything gender neutral for my son and he is only 14 months old so I still have everything.

onaed · December 2016

@kassyfry my bad!

Every time I tell someone I am not doing anything (gender reveal, sprinkle or shower), they seem surprised, so just wanted to gut check it with some ladies in a similar boat.

roo1381 · December 2016

My two dd's are 7 and 5 and this one is a boy. I fought it a little because I think it's a little presumptuous to register for gifts the third time around but a close friend wants to host a sprinkle in May and I do appreciate the thought/gesture. We've long since gotten rid of all things baby. I say graciously accept if someone offers but wouldn't ever ask or hint.

awillis13 · December 2016

@onaed we are still back and forth about finding out the gender, but one thing I have told DH, if we do find out a gender reveal is a hard no. I personally hate them. I don't know why. I think I just hate that absolutely everything has to be a party, or a stupid crazy one-up video for social media (and I know that's not why everyone does them, but it just seems like everything has to be the next unique gender reveal announcement).

CurlyMommy416 · December 2016

roo1381 said:

My two dd's are 7 and 5 and this one is a boy. I fought it a little because I think it's a little presumptuous to register for gifts the third time around but a close friend wants to host a sprinkle in May and I do appreciate the thought/gesture. We've long since gotten rid of all things baby. I say graciously accept if someone offers but wouldn't ever ask or hint.

I'm in the same boat (I also have a 7 and 5 year old

) The only things we have left are the crib and pack 'n play. My mom already wants to buy my carseat/stroller so I just made a small registry of little things.. swaddlers, bottles, THE DIAPER GENIE WHICH IS THE MOST NECESSARY ITEM, etc etc.

Yailani23 · December 2016

This is baby #2 for us and I'm on the same boat as some of you ladies. I'm not throwing one for myself and certainly not expecting one. If someone organized a small gathering I wouldn't mind.

I still have DD's (3) crib in great condition and plan on only purchasing a handful of items this time around.

kfry22 · December 2016

onaed said:

@kassyfry my bad!

Every time I tell someone I am not doing anything (gender reveal, sprinkle or shower), they seem surprised, so just wanted to gut check it with some ladies in a similar boat.

I didn't mean anything bad by it! It's just always a topic on BMB that have a lot of strong feelings. I knew it would show up here eventually and have been interested to see how our June ladies feel

delujm0 · December 2016

Nope. A shower's purpose is the welcome a woman to motherhood. So if you're already a mom you don't get another shower. Many people think that the shower is a celebration of the baby, but it is not. It's a celebration of the mother. if you want to celebrate the baby you do that once it is born.

I'm sure our parents will offer to buy us stuff and close friends may get us little things but I won't have an official event. And never throw it yourself, ugh, that is the worst.

onaed · December 2016

onaed · December 2016

teacher mom-2 · December 2016

I work in a very small private school where I have known a lot of the families for years. My students were over the moon that I was having a baby when I told them before Christmas break. I would not be surprised if the parents threw me a small book shower where the kids bring their favorite book for the baby. They did this with my first and with other teachers who had babies. That would be cute because I love reading the kids' messages each time I read a book to DD. The teachers might chip in for a gc and a cake. I am the only teacher who ever came back after having a baby and am now having another so I am not sure. I doubt friends or family would. So basically, what others said. I am not expecting one and would not throw one myself, but wouldn't be upset if someone threw something small for boy clothes or little things

keniialise · December 2016

delujm0 said:

Nope. A shower's purpose is the welcome a woman to motherhood. So if you're already a mom you don't get another shower. Many people think that the shower is a celebration of the baby, but it is not. It's a celebration of the mother. if you want to celebrate the baby you do that once it is born.

I'm sure our parents will offer to buy us stuff and close friends may get us little things but I won't have an official event. And never throw it yourself, ugh, that is the worst.

I have to disagree with you. Some cultures celebrate it as you described but I think Americans are 50/50 on that subject... all the baby showers I've been to have celebrated the baby, not the mother.

mamaraffe · December 2016

I thinks it's weird for people to host their own shower ... my family will most likely have something. If i said no they'd make it a surprise and donone anyway. My son and new Lo (girl) will be 21 months apart so I'd probably just receive monogrammed things and diapers, lots of pink and bows haha this will be my moms first granddaughter so she is really excited

delujm0 · December 2016

keniialise said:

delujm0 said:

Nope. A shower's purpose is the welcome a woman to motherhood. So if you're already a mom you don't get another shower. Many people think that the shower is a celebration of the baby, but it is not. It's a celebration of the mother. if you want to celebrate the baby you do that once it is born.

I'm sure our parents will offer to buy us stuff and close friends may get us little things but I won't have an official event. And never throw it yourself, ugh, that is the worst.

I have to disagree with you. Some cultures celebrate it as you described but I think Americans are 50/50 on that subject... all the baby showers I've been to have celebrated the baby, not the mother.

Based purely on actual etiquette standards (which can differ culturally or based on religious beliefs), baby showers have always been intended to celebrate the mother. Like bridal showers have always been intended to celebrate the bride.

A misunderstanding of the original intention for something doesn't change etiquette standards. I agree that many Americans choose to look at showers as a celebration of the baby, but that isn't correct. You can't throw a party in honor of a guest who isn't actually present. Celebrating the baby with a sip and see or similar once it is born is more appropriate if that is the intention.

This is like how brides now can't understand why honeymoon registries are not traditionally etiquette-approved. Asking for cash in any form is tacky, period, and that's what they are. People still do them in increasing numbers though. Just because something is becoming common doesn't mean it's proper, or that all people accept it. Some people will always see things like honeymoon registries and second+ showers and throwing your own shower as rude.

I mean You Do You everyone, just keep in mind that it's possible that some people would think you were being rude by breaking etiquette rules. That's why they exist in the first place - as a reference point to ensure that you won't offend your guests. I've been to second showers, and showers thrown by the guest of honor themselves, and I've contributed to honeymoon registries...but make no mistake, i side-eyed them. I'd never say that to the person they were in honor of, but it is true. And I'd personally be horrified if I offended a friend or family member similarly, so I don't do it.

Xath · December 2016

Baby #4 here so...nope. I made a registry for the completion bonus because the baby car seat is expired and we need a new one.

onaed · December 2016

@Xath ahhhh such a good point about the completion bonus (and for tracking items if you need to return)!

MotherofDragons · December 2016

I don't want/expect a shower but this is a girl and apparently means I need a shower in their minds. I don't have a choice. I've voiced my opinion to family/friends but I don't believe a single word I said sunk in to any of them.

Elyse1384 · December 2016

Giant yup to all of what @delujm0 said.

For the US because most associate a shower with gifts, I believe showers for STMs who already received a shower for baby #1 to be unnecessary. Beyond tacky when a woman throws her own. Just my opinion. A mother has already been welcomed to motherhood and should be able to purchase new items for herself. I don't believe having a different sex is an appropriate excuse for a second shower either.

If someone really insists on throwing a shower for me (happened with DD with new colleagues), I politely decline and mentioned that I was blessed to receive so many wonderful gifts while pregnant with DS. Just my preference there. Near my my due date with DD, colleagues instead threw a surprise ice cream party one afternoon (I mean who doesn't love that) and they gave me some diapers with a card which was so sweet, but unexpected.

mombod · December 2016

I do not mind attending showers/sprinkles for second or more babies. I ask very specifically if there is something they need or I give a gift card or clothes. I have never been to a shower that someone threw for themselves but would find that very off putting.I would never throw a shower for myself and do not expect anyone to throw a sprinkle. However, If someone offered to throw a non-gift low key party or a blessingway I would graciously accept.

alm52386 · December 2016

My mom and MIL have started talking about showers. I just requested that there only be 1 and that it's where I live, not in our hometown 2-3 hours away. My mom wasn't happy about a joint shower lol we had just 1 bridal shower and it was fine! Neither of us have enough family for separate ones!!

ladylolly89 · December 2016

I would never throw or plan anything for myself, but I know my mom or best friend will plan a little something if this LO is a girl. I have started a few registries for the completion discounts and so that grandmas or those who wish to purchase something will know what items are still needed/wanted.

erinh84 · December 2016

Baby #2 here. A shower means I have to put on pants and talk to people, so I don't want one. I'll never turn down gifts, but we already have so much.

Mtnmommy · December 2016

I'm actually looking forward to not having to have a shower/sprinkle this time around. I'm not one to be the center of attention either. We already have so much. Anything else we need, I don't mind purchasing myself.

michaela0704 · December 2016

Not a big fan of being the center of attention... with this being DS #3 on the way we really don't need much clothing (we are completely off season from my winter birthday twins though)... and the gear I got rid of shouldn't be all that expensive to replace as we have a crib, carseat, and stroller already.

I'm totally fine attending when my friends organize sprinkles or small gatherings or a dinner for one another with small gifts (i.e., no large gear, usually cute clothing or accessories). I've never been invited to one thrown by the mother... I would find that tacky UNLESS it was a dinner that explicitly said 'no gifts' as I would love to celebrate her in a group setting but I hate gift grubbing.

Secretly, I am hoping that my peers do something for me before or after the baby is born... at least a card and maybe flowers to the hospital or something small would be a nice touch... but I'm the only woman so probably nothing, haha!

onaed · December 2016

*For clarity sake: when I posted this question it wasn't to infer that a mother would ever host her own shower. However most of us would know if a family or friend was planning something (unless surprise) for us, which we could green or red light.

Wino0920 · December 2016

It's a hard no for me. People have already tried. This is my 3rd and I have so much crap that I don't need already.

They have turned it into a "sip and see" now. I guess when the baby is born, a party for everyone to come and meet the baby, which I am totally ok with.

Its crazy because I love going to showers/Sprinkles, just am so against for myself. It's just because I have so much stuff.

GoodWitchoftheNorth · December 2016

ladylolly89 said:

I would never throw or plan anything for myself, but I know my mom or best friend will plan a little something if this LO is a girl. I have started a few registries for the completion discounts and so that grandmas or those who wish to purchase something will know what items are still needed/wanted.

Exactly this. My mom LOVES to throw a good party.

sls · January 2017

Someone *might* throw us one, although probably not. If we were having just one baby, I'd be slightly embarrassed if someone wanted to throw us one. But since we're having 2, oy. Problem is that we don't need small things. We need big things. So.

My family is all spread out, though, so we did a virtual one last time. It was kind of weird/awkward over video chat. So I'm both hoping and not hoping.

jesselayne8 · January 2017

I had a sprinkle for number 2 but nothing for #3 and definitely not for #4. I don't think there is anything wrong with a sprinkle or second shower if you have friends that want to throw you one.

michaela0704 · January 2017

@sls I will admit people seem to be extremely generous when it comes to multiples... although it was my first pregnancy, we got both infant car seats, my Baby Jogger City Select stroller with second seat, RNP, swing, bouncer... and countless other things. So many cute matching and coordinating clothes too...

jc_twomamas · January 2017

I personally am within the understanding that a baby shower is to welcome a mother (and father) into motherhood/parenthood. So, a second shower or even a sprinkle is a pretty hard NO for me.

However, if one of the parents is a second time parent but the other is a first time parent, I can totally get on board with a full on baby shower.

And also, I didn't get to actually attend either of my baby showers since I was in the hospital so I FaceTimed during them.
I wouldn't put it past my family or very close girlfriends to put a surprise together. I guess I have no control over that...but I'm not even sure what they would purchase as we literally have everything from DS1 who is (almost) 21 months. (Edit from 22 to 21)

silliegirlie143 · January 2017

Well damn! If my shower was supposed to welcome me to motherhood, then where were MY presents?!?! I should have gotten nursing supplies or something...

Totally being a smart ass above so now for a real question: where are the etiquette rules? Meaning where can I read up? Are these American etiquette rules that dictate shower decorum? (Our families came from outside the US and what we do tends to be very different)

Second Time Moms: Shower/Sprinkle?

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