@mishmardhiono what an interesting cultural tradition! And somehow its *your* fault she missed out on it? Oh hell no. I'm glad you lost your shit. If he knew that his family was going to want to follow this tradition, he should have mentioned it to you so you could at least discuss the idea. I probably also would have followed thru with it, it sounds fascinating! I would just tell your DHs family that he didn't tell you about the ceremony and so you didn't know you needed the parts. I'd also not hesitate to tell them you're mad at him for your LO missing out on this part of her family culture because he couldn't be bothered to speak up about it before she was born or while you were in labor. What an ass.
Thanks mellymar, I gave it to her as well. I told her she was failing as her Aunty in cultural terms. I'm Australian, we don't have these traditions and whilst living with them for 3 years I wasn't allowed to learn what to do because we weren't married so what Google has to offer is so limited. I speak English as my first language but am teaching her their language because they choose to speak English to her because she lives in Aus but his parents can't speak English so one day she will have no relationship with our LO. Everyone speaks English here, she doesn't need to learn your broken English. Morons, the lot of them are morons. They only think for today and they don't see how they are contributing to loosing her identity. In the end it's the typical IL crap and how there beautiful son can do no wrong.
@mishmardhiono what culture is this? It's awesome you want LO to have knowledge of that half of her heritage. (I would, too - of course! As you say, it's part of her.)
I have a rave. DS has been a terrorist lately and last week he had explosive diarrhea. An angry, absurd, terrorist with diarrhea. Awesome. Since I caught LO's cold and have been dealing with her, DH has been dealing with DS and all the poop. That man deserves a medal. And he is so good with LO. Whenever he changes her diaper, it's nothing but giggles and belly laughs. He is such a good man.
@mishmardhiono what culture is this? It's awesome you want LO to have knowledge of that half of her heritage. (I would, too - of course! As you say, it's part of her.)
I have a rave. DH has pretty much had LO all day today because of my headache. I got a 2 hour nap earlier, a long as hell shower, he went to the store and purchased me some more Tylenol (I'm going to completely gloss over the fact we needed more was because he ran out of Excedrin and so had been using my Tylenol on the sly, so when I went to get some THERE WASNT ANY), and got frustrated along with me that there was nothing I can do really to make my headaches better. He just knows how bad they are and feels bad that we couldn't make it go away. Also, he made split pea soup yesterday and its delish.
A rave for my DH: He really does love LO, you can see it in his eyes and the way he talks to him. He gets concerned for him when I let him know that LO is off. I'm confident that when work lets up and he has more energy and time they'll spend a lot more time together and I'll be a little let frustrated about not really getting a break.
Also he often tries to be helpful and I should be more appreciative of that. Like the other night I started to microwave my supper and then got busy with LO. I was hoping he would take over with LO but instead he finished getting my supper ready and arranged it on a plate and brought it to me.
He's a good guy. I know he doesn't do things to purposely make me upset... sometimes he is grouchy and makes bad decisions but overall he loves me unconditionally and he does try.
Rave- it was our 4th wedding anniversary yesterday and I got DH a card. DH got me three (!) boxes of chocolate - including those chocolate cherry cordial things - and a pair of pearl earrings (my birthstone)!
And then we went to dinner and LO behaved THE WHOLE TIME.
Rave: I've decided to do a couple of 30 day work outs and hubby decided to do them with me. I hate working out by myself so it was a blessing. Until realized just how bad pregnancy was to my ab muscles.. Pretty sure I looked like a seal doing push-ups :-??
I am putting LO to bed and DH is putting the boys to bed. Rave: he is always totally 50/50 with bedtime and is really engaging with them. Rant: why does bedtime involve screaming and laughing when there is an almost-asleep baby on the other side of the wall?!?
I am putting LO to bed and DH is putting the boys to bed. Rave: he is always totally 50/50 with bedtime and is really engaging with them. Rant: why does bedtime involve screaming and laughing when there is an almost-asleep baby on the other side of the wall?!?
So it's not just my DH and DS! Apparently males need to wrestle themselves to sleep.
I am putting LO to bed and DH is putting the boys to bed. Rave: he is always totally 50/50 with bedtime and is really engaging with them. Rant: why does bedtime involve screaming and laughing when there is an almost-asleep baby on the other side of the wall?!?
So it's not just my DH and DS! Apparently males need to wrestle themselves to sleep.
rant: so last night LO woke up shortly after i had put him down so i went back in there to renurse him to sleep and LO was taking his time, so i get out of there almost 2 hours later and DH is just getting out of the shower and tells me "im gonna go to the pub" so instead of me getting out of bed to see if he wants to do anything.. i could have totally stayed in bed and gotten some sleep
Yesterday this came out of my mouth before I'd really thought about it, and it was a lightbulb moment for me (heh, @mellymar )
My dad asked why DH and I were arguing and I said, "Because we are exhausted and therefore mad, and have no one to blame, except the baby. And we can't be mad at him, so we just take it out on each other. Even though we know it's not our fault and we aren't actually mad."
DH is snoring next to me, and tonight I actually like it. We had such a fun weekend with my nieces. A large part of why I married DH is because he's such a family man. It's so fun to see him with the kids (LO and our nieces), and bonding with my dad. I complain about him on here too much, but he's 90% awesome and 10% guy, so... Yeah.
Rave: my kids are so sick! The doctor is pretty sure they have strep and let me tell you, twins and a toddler with strep is not simple. I was feeling pretty sorry for myself because yesterday I had planned my first girls night out since the babies were born and I was sure I would have to cancel. There was no possible way I could have left him with them alone. Just not enough hands. So instead of asking me to stay he said he really wanted me to go and arranged for his parents to come and help out! He's been so good these past few days when in the past he's gotten so frustrated and worked up when the babies cry. He's such a gem!
Rant - Where the f*¢k is my husband!?? His leave for Halloween starts (started) today and he isn't home yet despite it being almost noon (usually he is home around 930. 1030 is usually the latest). He did text me about an hour ago telling me he was dealing with some stuff related to his classes, but seriously! The kid has been cranky for the past 3 days, I've been looking forward to eating something other than poptarts and some actual conversation. Its your freaking week off! Come home and start your damned leave! (Namely, by entertaining the baby so I can eat something)
Note - I'm not mad at him specifically, just the situation. I'm sure that he would have left work already if he wasn't dealing with that 'school issues'
I have a tiny rant: I've been having a small amount of supply issues and have exhausted my stash every weekend dh doesn't take me pumping as a priority. So every weekend it seems like I don't make enough well last night finally used the last bit of stash at the house. Dh said 2 weeks ago he didn't want me pumping for long periods of time even though I usually get a second let down, because pumping has been really wearing me down (mostly because dh plays stupid computer games while I deal with lo). So he says he is totally fine with formula ( he totally isn't, I am because whatever way you feed your baby is good). Today though because now there isn't 5 bottles in the fridge ready he starts complaining about the cost of formula! Firstly we have 3 canisters in our pantry that we have been gifted. Secondly I'm still pumping at work and all the time. Thirdly we have plenty of baby food she can have and we should start using anyway! Fourthly you said you were 'fine with formula' two weeks ago!! Really I want to take his dang computer power cord and strangle him. I bet he couldn't last 1 week if roles were reversed! Ugh men. He is great with lo but drives me insane.
Rant - Where the f*¢k is my husband!?? His leave for Halloween starts (started) today and he isn't home yet despite it being almost noon (usually he is home around 930. 1030 is usually the latest). He did text me about an hour ago telling me he was dealing with some stuff related to his classes, but seriously! The kid has been cranky for the past 3 days, I've been looking forward to eating something other than poptarts and some actual conversation.
Its your freaking week off! Come home and start your damned leave! (Namely, by entertaining the baby so I can eat something)
Note - I'm not mad at him specifically, just the situation. I'm sure that he would have left work already if he wasn't dealing with that 'school issues'
I get so frustrated when my DH comes home from work late. We got into it on Saturday because for 3-4 days in a row he was supposed to get off early so of course I had my hopes up. Then didn't end up getting home until his usual time. Every single day. I told him to just stop telling me when there are days he's supposed to come home early to relieve me because I come to expect him and I haaate to be disappointed. Especially when there's a fussy baby involved. I feel for you!
^^ I don't ever expect him early. That will never happen. But its tiresome when I've been on my own with baby for 3 1/2 days and I'm desperately looking forward to handing the kid over for even an hour to rest my brain. Mental fatigue kicks in hard. I wake up every other Monday morning just really ready to zone out for a few minutes.
For real! And moms of twins. You ladies are my heroes.
Rant and rave: DH was in the doghouse yesterday because he drank too much, and couldn't help me with the MOTN wake ups. (I do all weekdays because he works, so on the weekends I get a little break. ) He must have felt my hatred for him that yesterday he did laundry, washed dishes, and just generally did a butt ton of work around the house. More than his normal amount.
I have a tiny rant: I've been having a small amount of supply issues and have exhausted my stash every weekend dh doesn't take me pumping as a priority. So every weekend it seems like I don't make enough well last night finally used the last bit of stash at the house. Dh said 2 weeks ago he didn't want me pumping for long periods of time even though I usually get a second let down, because pumping has been really wearing me down (mostly because dh plays stupid computer games while I deal with lo). So he says he is totally fine with formula ( he totally isn't, I am because whatever way you feed your baby is good). Today though because now there isn't 5 bottles in the fridge ready he starts complaining about the cost of formula! Firstly we have 3 canisters in our pantry that we have been gifted. Secondly I'm still pumping at work and all the time. Thirdly we have plenty of baby food she can have and we should start using anyway! Fourthly you said you were 'fine with formula' two weeks ago!! Really I want to take his dang computer power cord and strangle him. I bet he couldn't last 1 week if roles were reversed! Ugh men. He is great with lo but drives me insane.
So sorry! My supply issues and related stress have also led to a lot of disagreement between DH and I. Never would have expected that to be the topic that would cause the most conflict.
Me-37, DH-38
Married in 2006, TTC #1 since Jan 2012
Baby Boy born June 1, 2015
He settles her in her home as a happy mother of children, praise the Lord! (Psalms 113:9)
And the peace of God, which surpasses all understand, will guard your heart and mind in Jesus Christ (Philippians 4:7)
Rave - My husband is currently making dinner, already unloaded/loaded the dishwasher (and went ahead and washed them this time haha),and this weekend he washed all our clothes and finished painting my office! I am a very blessed woman, he's incredible and is so good with our LO. He also taught her how to growl this weekend so she's been growling at me all day and it's so cute bc I know he taught it to her..well and bc it's hilarious to hear a 4 month old growl..haha
So sorry! My supply issues and related stress have also led to a lot of disagreement between DH and I. Never would have expected that to be the topic that would cause the most conflict.
Seriously we fight about feeding lo, pumping since she had some latch issues. I think dh had this romantic idea that bf happens instantly and it's easy. He really ruined a lot of the first few weeks with her telling me what I was doing wrong and how I needed to do this or that. Who knew that men would be so annoying about that...
I can hear it now DH: "oh, that went well" Me: "sure. Especially when your solution to hearing your son cry is to put your pillow over your head to block out the sound and roll over"
Rant - well...sort of... Tonight I was pumping and I heard LO start to stir in her nursery. If we pop her soother back in before she wakes she will sleep for another few hours, so I nudge DH awake and ask him to 'give her back her soother.' He gets up with no complaints, but then I hear him turn off the monitor and he comes back with a half asleep baby and hands her to me. He thought I had asked him to go and get her...soo now I have a very awake baby and he's sleeping the rest of the night away.
ETA: it really was a miscommunication and he was trying to help (he always does) so rave here too I guess?
I can hear it now DH: "oh, that went well" Me: "sure. Especially when your solution to hearing your son cry is to put your pillow over your head to block out the sound and roll over"
My DH's line is, "How'd last night go?"
Makes me want to punch him!
Although the 4 months regression was impossible for him to sleep through which secretly made me happy.
Someone tell me that it's worth staying married. I'm so over this man child that I'm married to. The lazy shit leaves his rubbish and dirty dishes above the dishwasher after I spent 6 hours cleaning. Can't take his clothes to the laundry then whinges that none of his clothes are clean.
We just argue over everything lately. He's so moody, just stops talking or starts ignoring me for no apparent reason. LO is sick, it's DH day off. I haven't slept in 3 days and the prick sleeps in until 10am until I threw a shoe at him. How dare he hear me struggle with LO and both of us having no sleep and then decide it's fine for him to sleep in.
Tonight we were talking about his chef knives ($1800) and I said I'm going to take them to get sharpened. He tells me no he will do it, I said he's not to touch them because they are so expensive to replace we are better just paying $10 a knife so if they get broken the shop replaces them. He then tells me I'm controlling, don't let him do anything, ruining his fun and walks out the door to work.
Thus guy goes out with his friends 5 times a week fishing and barbecuing, on overseas holidays by himself that I organise, I drive him on a 3 hour round trip with LO so he can go get Indonesian food & veggies every week. Im not sure I can stay like this anymore he's sucking the life out of me. Where is the beautiful man I married.
@mishmardhiono Have you had an honest conversation with him? Some of this sounds like poor communication, like making messes and sleeping in and throwing shoes. Some is legitimately poor behavior. It sounds like he expects you to cater to him and before LO it sounds like you did. The rules have changed with LO and you need to communicate that.
I'm no relationship expert, but 99% of relationships need more communication. You need to have a serious talk with DH, and probably more than one. Don't tell him how he's screwing up, ask if this is what he wants. Ask if he thinks he's being fair and if his behavior is appropriate. Tell him you want and need his help but you can't nag him every day. His reaction will tell you whether your relationship is worth salvaging or not.
But if you all in, guns blazing and self righteous, and tell him how much his behavior sucks and all of the things he's screwing up, he'll get defensive and shut down. It's a hard conversation to have, but it sounds like you really need it.
@mishmardhiono Have you had an honest conversation with him? Some of this sounds like poor communication, like making messes and sleeping in and throwing shoes. Some is legitimately poor behavior. It sounds like he expects you to cater to him and before LO it sounds like you did. The rules have changed with LO and you need to communicate that.
I'm no relationship expert, but 99% of relationships need more communication. You need to have a serious talk with DH, and probably more than one. Don't tell him how he's screwing up, ask if this is what he wants. Ask if he thinks he's being fair and if his behavior is appropriate. Tell him you want and need his help but you can't nag him every day. His reaction will tell you whether your relationship is worth salvaging or not.
But if you all in, guns blazing and self righteous, and tell him how much his behavior sucks and all of the things he's screwing up, he'll get defensive and shut down. It's a hard conversation to have, but it sounds like you really need it.
Great advice thank you, really shouldn't have thrown a shoe at him.
I have a serious rave for my DH: he's been going through a rough time lately. He used to work nights which was kind of depressing for him because he felt like he missed out on a lot. While I was on maternity leave he got a promotion to manager and is working day time now so I thought things would get better. They got slightly better but he is now overwhelmed at work because he has so much catching up to do because this department went without a manager for 6 months and everything is really backed up and his boss is being s hard ass saying he can't have overtime but he expects everything to be done (not possible!) so my DH has taken to drinking when he gets home and he's depressed about everything. He recently realized that this is a problem and made an appointment with a therapist without me suggesting it at all! His appt is in 2 weeks and I can't wait because I think that him talking to an impartial 3rd party will really help him, even if it's just to vent. He's such an amazing man and a great father and I'm so proud of him for realizing that he hasn't been on the top of his game and taking the steps on his own to make it better. :x
Rant- D/H scheduled to have our new gun safe (I don't want to hear any negative rants about guns) during lo's most important nap of the day! Wth?!?! So now d/h and these movers are going in and out of the house just banging the screen door and dropping plywood on the floor! I'm about to go get her and stand by all of them while she screams bloody murder! Let me also mention that d/h has been away for work for the last 3 days!
Re: DH rants and raves for October
Also, he made split pea soup yesterday and its delish.
Also he often tries to be helpful and I should be more appreciative of that. Like the other night I started to microwave my supper and then got busy with LO. I was hoping he would take over with LO but instead he finished getting my supper ready and arranged it on a plate and brought it to me.
He's a good guy. I know he doesn't do things to purposely make me upset... sometimes he is grouchy and makes bad decisions but overall he loves me unconditionally and he does try.
And then we went to dinner and LO behaved THE WHOLE TIME.
My dad asked why DH and I were arguing and I said, "Because we are exhausted and therefore mad, and have no one to blame, except the baby. And we can't be mad at him, so we just take it out on each other. Even though we know it's not our fault and we aren't actually mad."
DH is snoring next to me, and tonight I actually like it. We had such a fun weekend with my nieces. A large part of why I married DH is because he's such a family man. It's so fun to see him with the kids (LO and our nieces), and bonding with my dad. I complain about him on here too much, but he's 90% awesome and 10% guy, so... Yeah.
Almost spit my wine out!!!!
My mom thinks they are in appropriate... So I stopped sharing them with her.
Its your freaking week off! Come home and start your damned leave! (Namely, by entertaining the baby so I can eat something)
Note - I'm not mad at him specifically, just the situation. I'm sure that he would have left work already if he wasn't dealing with that 'school issues'
Single moms get my serious props
Rant and rave: DH was in the doghouse yesterday because he drank too much, and couldn't help me with the MOTN wake ups. (I do all weekdays because he works, so on the weekends I get a little break. )
He must have felt my hatred for him that yesterday he did laundry, washed dishes, and just generally did a butt ton of work around the house. More than his normal amount.
So sorry! My supply issues and related stress have also led to a lot of disagreement between DH and I. Never would have expected that to be the topic that would cause the most conflict.
So sorry! My supply issues and related stress have also led to a lot of disagreement between DH and I. Never would have expected that to be the topic that would cause the most conflict.
Seriously we fight about feeding lo, pumping since she had some latch issues. I think dh had this romantic idea that bf happens instantly and it's easy. He really ruined a lot of the first few weeks with her telling me what I was doing wrong and how I needed to do this or that. Who knew that men would be so annoying about that...
DH: "oh, that went well"
Me: "sure. Especially when your solution to hearing your son cry is to put your pillow over your head to block out the sound and roll over"
Tonight I was pumping and I heard LO start to stir in her nursery. If we pop her soother back in before she wakes she will sleep for another few hours, so I nudge DH awake and ask him to 'give her back her soother.' He gets up with no complaints, but then I hear him turn off the monitor and he comes back with a half asleep baby and hands her to me. He thought I had asked him to go and get her...soo now I have a very awake baby and he's sleeping the rest of the night away.
ETA: it really was a miscommunication and he was trying to help (he always does) so rave here too I guess?
Makes me want to punch him!
Although the 4 months regression was impossible for him to sleep through which secretly made me happy.
We just argue over everything lately. He's so moody, just stops talking or starts ignoring me for no apparent reason.
LO is sick, it's DH day off. I haven't slept in 3 days and the prick sleeps in until 10am until I threw a shoe at him. How dare he hear me struggle with LO and both of us having no sleep and then decide it's fine for him to sleep in.
Tonight we were talking about his chef knives ($1800) and I said I'm going to take them to get sharpened. He tells me no he will do it, I said he's not to touch them because they are so expensive to replace we are better just paying $10 a knife so if they get broken the shop replaces them. He then tells me I'm controlling, don't let him do anything, ruining his fun and walks out the door to work.
Thus guy goes out with his friends 5 times a week fishing and barbecuing, on overseas holidays by himself that I organise, I drive him on a 3 hour round trip with LO so he can go get Indonesian food & veggies every week. Im not sure I can stay like this anymore he's sucking the life out of me. Where is the beautiful man I married.
I'm no relationship expert, but 99% of relationships need more communication. You need to have a serious talk with DH, and probably more than one. Don't tell him how he's screwing up, ask if this is what he wants. Ask if he thinks he's being fair and if his behavior is appropriate. Tell him you want and need his help but you can't nag him every day. His reaction will tell you whether your relationship is worth salvaging or not.
But if you all in, guns blazing and self righteous, and tell him how much his behavior sucks and all of the things he's screwing up, he'll get defensive and shut down. It's a hard conversation to have, but it sounds like you really need it.