@mishmardhiono Yes. Daycare or a relative watching LO is a must for me. The day I go in I just have someone from 12-5 and then the day that I'm off for good I totally skimp on sleep and just have someone from 9-12 or 9-1. Mostly because I really miss my LO and I know I can sleep that night. @dancegurl1118 is right ...... Some people are fine with just taking short naps with their LO ...... My kid only naps at 40 min intervals so that wouldn't work for us! Lol
DH is also ridiculously bad at laundry. He ironed and hung my pyjamas in the cupboard and stuffed my cocktail dress in the drawers...
~~~~~~~ I told this to my DH, and he thinks your DH did that on purpose just to be funny / an a-hole
Edit, quote box fail
You could be onto something there.. And here u was thinking he was just stupid.. Haha.
Ah that's great, our best option at the moment is getting a live in au pair (in Aus its $106 per day for childcare without government funding) because it's cheaper and my husband works nights too so she'd be in 24 hour care at home 3 days a week.Kind of feel a little rotten putting her into care this young and for such a long time but I'm trying to study earn a full income and move back to where hubby is from so I'm not sure what else to do.. Any tips or reassurance that I'm not a monster would be greT
@mishmardhiono ^ I don't think that's a bad idea. You're definitely not a monster. Over here in the states most of us have gone back to work already, except for those like me who can or have to stay home. So most of us have their LOs in daycare or with some sort of care arrangement already. I think it just feels weird to you because of your country's much better maternity leave. We are all already used to the idea that we will have to have someone else watch our babies 'Murica, for the win (MUCH sarcasm in that sentence)
What's that saying, 'insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.' Come on bro, your techniques aren't settling her, so try something new!
I asked DH to do one thing last night- clean bottles because we are low. I made all the formula for daycare last night and typically we trade off those two jobs.
I get up this morning, nothing was touched... Including the components of her nebulizer that needed cleaning.
Cool. Cool cool cool.
He's lucky he leaves the house before I get up! At least he took the garbage out. And he does daycare pickup, so he only hurt himself on this one because he's gonna get home with LO today to no clean bottles!
I can just hear this in my head. That mix of disbelief, pissed off, 'you'll get yours, buddy', and satisfaction that he has royally screwed himself for later.
I can just hear this in my head. That mix of disbelief, pissed off, 'you'll get yours, buddy', and satisfaction that he has royally screwed himself for later.
DH just read this over my shoulder.
DH: What is this?! Me: The "complain about your husband" thread DH: Uh oh. I don't even want to know what you write about me. Me: Good because I wasn't going to tell you!
He's fun. He has been going around for two days, telling everyone LO is 2'2" and then cracking up at himself.
My DH is just the best at getting LO to sleep for the night (middle of the night awakenings are a different story). I could not do this without him. He's really stepping up in helping with household chores although we are forever behind in this. He's always been great in caring for LO & trying to help me get more rest. I'm just a terrible sleeper! Now if he had the magic to make her & me STTN we'd be golden!
yeah im around XD all this kid wants to do it eat. i get no breaks. his naps today are like 7 minutes long.
DH has been great lately. vaccumed the living room, built himself a home gym, made dinner last night. definitely still has his moments where i wanna punch him in the face though
DH is a smart guy, but can act like such a moron some times. DD has been fighting naps in the afternoon. I was lying on the couch with her to comfort her to sleep, and her eyes just closed when he walked in and loudly asked what I was doing. What does it look like genius? Que the crying baby. I handed her to him and said "here, you get her to sleep"
Sigh... DH is not in the good books tonight. Stated he was on his way at 10:30pm... It's now 1am and no sign of him or answer to my text. How he thinks this is okay is so beyond me... Starting to really lose the hope or desire to work on things because it's the same story over and over no matter how many times we fight about it. If our relationship mattered he would make an effort right?
I've not gotten a lot of sleep this week since we've been transitioning LO to his crib and he had an ear infection. DH sent me upstairs to sleep and took care of LO last night. I ended up coming down at 2:30 but got like 5 hours of uninterrupted sleep!
I don't know how to fix this, but DH cannot handle LO crying. He gets really worked up and angry - not at her - but just like, can't hang. He swears, his movements become rough (not violent!) but clearly he like, can't handle it. I feel like I need to take LO away every time and be the calm one. Just a rant, I guess... but we brought LO to the pedi today, which LO HATES, and I really wish I had gone by myself.
Sigh... DH is not in the good books tonight. Stated he was on his way at 10:30pm... It's now 1am and no sign of him or answer to my text. How he thinks this is okay is so beyond me... Starting to really lose the hope or desire to work on things because it's the same story over and over no matter how many times we fight about it. If our relationship mattered he would make an effort right?
I'm sorry to hear this. Could you maybe give counselling a go to see if the issues can be resolved? Write down your feelings and give him the letter? Only you know what's best for Your situation but I hope it will improve and you'll be guided in the best way about what to do.
I don't know how to fix this, but DH cannot handle LO crying. He gets really worked up and angry - not at her - but just like, can't hang. He swears, his movements become rough (not violent!) but clearly he like, can't handle it. I feel like I need to take LO away every time and be the calm one. Just a rant, I guess... but we brought LO to the pedi today, which LO HATES, and I really wish I had gone by myself.
My good friend was like this, she says that her babies cries just hit this really raw nerve. she was never awful or rough or violent with the babies and loves them dearly but the sound just really grinds on her and as they moved out of the baby crying phase it got A lot better.
Sigh... DH is not in the good books tonight. Stated he was on his way at 10:30pm... It's now 1am and no sign of him or answer to my text. How he thinks this is okay is so beyond me... Starting to really lose the hope or desire to work on things because it's the same story over and over no matter how many times we fight about it. If our relationship mattered he would make an effort right?
That's really tough, I'm sorry things are like this. I don't think he feels your relationship doesn't matter - he probably just doesn't realize how awful it makes you feel, and he is probably also feeling a little dissed (or at least, that's what happens in my relationship. We get into this bad cycle of being bad to each other because we both feel hurt and like the other doesn't care.)
Counseling does sound like a good idea, since you said elsewhere it's been this way for a while. Couples counseling seems overwhelming to me sometimes, so I've vowed the next time I feel it is needed, I will make an individual appointment with a therapist who also does couples counseling. So I can just focus on getting myself there first, then it will be easier to have DH come along once I've got it sorted.
This is just my approach - you know whether this will work for your situation. I also used someone else's advice on here, telling my DH, "I'd like to talk about X some time in the near future. Can we find a time in the next few days?" OR, I do something like make dinner, get us in a good mood and feeling bonded, then mention things have been difficult lately, I feel bad about it, and how can we make it better.
But maybe these aren't good suggestions for you, and you just need to vent. Big hugs, lady.
This Scary Mommy opinion piece is called "Marriage is Heavy" or something like that. I don't find it to be the best written piece, by any means, but I agree with the general point - we are at a challenging point in our lives and marriages.
Not a rant or rave...we got into it today. It's been four weekends in a row that DH has projects of one flavor or another, so once again I don't get any reprieve from the kids. LO and DS both had a rough night last night and DS woke up with yet another cold. I've already been running on fumes so the lack of sleep did me in. I asked him if he could come give me a break and I went outside for five minutes and sat in the sun by the water feature. As soon as I'm back in the house, he asks if I've had a break to which I reply (with snark), yeah that five minutes was awesome....and cue the fight. I know things will get easier and I will sleep again. It's just challenging right now because I feel like his lowest priority and as a SAHM I get miss adult interaction and time to myself. We at least spoke our minds so he knows where I stand and we are working towards a better balance of work, family, chores/projects, and me time.
I am starting to come to terms with the fact I'm having some serious PPD/A. Last night I confided in a friend who is a OB nurse. I was feeling pretty good today about our talk( I even looked myself in the mirror a couple of times and told myself you are stronger this and you will win), I am making a Drs appt on Monday to take the next step. This evening I thought DH was in a good mood to discuss it(first off he is a complete hard ass and second doesn't 'believe depression or axniety are real)...he told me to get me shit together and work out more and eat better. He is gone 90% of the time, yes when I can work out my whole body and mind feels better, but without anyone here to help(military and closest family is 9 hrs away) I can't do much. I left my jogging stroller at my moms when we went home last month(to ship it here would cost $250 and that's stupid, especially since she was already planning on in Oct.). So anyways working out isn't the issue...how can this sooooo educated man, I didn't go to college, I became a dental asst and he did go to college and then the military(which he likes to joke about me not being educated), not understand or have the 'education' to know these things are real. It's not just suck it up buttercup, because believe me if it would have been that easy then I would have done it. Sorry guys I'm just beside myself, I've talked to my friend as much as I could and I don't like to talk my family or close friends about relationship problems because I dont want them to harbor bad feeling towards DH. Thanks for listening!
@JMott22 sorry, but your husband sounds like he is being an ass. First off, he should be supporting you if you aren't feeling yourself. And second, he shouldn't be calling you uneducated; even if you hadn't finished high school, that's just not right to belittle someone you 'love'. Don't listen to him. You ARE educated and smart, and PPD/A IS real. I'm a military spouse too, so I know how hard it can be to separated from support when you need it.
Unfortunately it sounds like you might have to go about this on your own at first. Definitely speak with your doctor and get yourself the help you need. And maybe when you speak with your husband, you can kinda put the conversation like this - "I understand you don't think depression is a for real thing, but I really just need you to have my back on this. That's what marriage is about, backing your spouse's play even if you don't agree with it sometimes. Also, it really hurts me when you call me uneducated. You could not go into my work and do my job, and I have pride in my work. Please don't say that to me"
DH is on my sh!t list because while we were at Fall Fest he bought 2 cans of a beer we haven't been able to find in our town. He drank his, but I told him I was specifically saving mine for tomorrow because I had already had what I felt was enough alcohol for me today. So I brought it home and put it in the fridge, and mutha comes out of the kitchen now with my beer, opened and poured into a glass! I'm like 'that was mine' and he says 'I'll share it with you'. I tell him, that totally blows by the point that I've had enough alcohol for the day, since I do some breastfeeding. So now I don't get my beer, either today OR tomorrow, and probably not anytime in the future, since like I said - we haven't been able to find it anywhere, and it was a lucky find at a booth at the fest. :-w
@mellymar thanks! I know LO and I will be OK! Sometimes his insenserity just makes me think WTH??? And I don't want LO(who is a girl), to have that type of influence from her father. It will all work itself out, I am going to do what I need to do. Just kinda heartbroken tonight, with his reaction to me just telling him I think I need to see the dr.
^^^^^ the best part of this story is the people who say "it's not real" are usually the people who say "why didn't he/she get help/ask for help? Their own fault" when something bad happens.......... Frustrating @JMott22
DH is on my sh!t list because while we were at Fall Fest he bought 2 cans of a beer we haven't been able to find in our town. He drank his, but I told him I was specifically saving mine for tomorrow because I had already had what I felt was enough alcohol for me today. So I brought it home and put it in the fridge, and mutha comes out of the kitchen now with my beer, opened and poured into a glass! I'm like 'that was mine' and he says 'I'll share it with you'. I tell him, that totally blows by the point that I've had enough alcohol for the day, since I do some breastfeeding. So now I don't get my beer, either today OR tomorrow, and probably not anytime in the future, since like I said - we haven't been able to find it anywhere, and it was a lucky find at a booth at the fest. :-w
That's rude! I'd be PO'd and definitely make it clear there's some making up (and finding more) to do.
The other night I kissed DH on my way to bed, and noticed he had something on his face.
Me: you've got something brown all over your face, what is it? DH: oh, I had that brownie. Me: you had the last brownie (your aunt) brought us?! DH: I didn't know you wanted any. Me: yeah, because you didn't ask!!
DH is on my sh!t list because while we were at Fall Fest he bought 2 cans of a beer we haven't been able to find in our town. He drank his, but I told him I was specifically saving mine for tomorrow because I had already had what I felt was enough alcohol for me today. So I brought it home and put it in the fridge, and mutha comes out of the kitchen now with my beer, opened and poured into a glass! I'm like 'that was mine' and he says 'I'll share it with you'. I tell him, that totally blows by the point that I've had enough alcohol for the day, since I do some breastfeeding. So now I don't get my beer, either today OR tomorrow, and probably not anytime in the future, since like I said - we haven't been able to find it anywhere, and it was a lucky find at a booth at the fest. :-w
That's rude! I'd be PO'd and definitely make it clear there's some making up (and finding more) to do.
The other night I kissed DH on my way to bed, and noticed he had something on his face.
Me: you've got something brown all over your face, what is it? DH: oh, I had that brownie. Me: you had the last brownie (your aunt) brought us?! DH: I didn't know you wanted any. Me: yeah, because you didn't ask!!
Men. [-(
Wtf? You don't take the last brownie when there is a woman in the house!! Ever! Much less a breastfeeding woman! You legit need those calories! [-(
@mellymar and @virginiaunicorn11 I'd punch them in the throat. Before I got pregnant I was on a low carb diet (lost 30 pounds, should probably do it again). Anyway, I found some bryers low carb ice cream bars and I had one left and after a particularly rough day at work, all I wanted was my ice cream and when I got home, DH had eaten it, even though he thought they were gross. I wanted to stab him
@JMott22 I'm so sorry your husband isn't being more supportive. I've suffered from anxiety/panic attacks before, and they are no joke. Continue leaning on your friend and anyone else you feel comfortable talking to. I'm so glad your seeking professional help and hopefully your husband will realize that this is a real issue. It takes WAY more strength to face it and tackle it than to try to sweep it under the rug.
I really feel like often times people insult others because of their own insecurities. Maybe after you've started counseling you could get your husband to join you some. It isn't okay for him to be insulting towards you, and I don't blame you for not wanting your daughter to see that behavior. Hang in there, lady!
@mellymar and @virginiaunicorn11 I'd punch them in the throat. Before I got pregnant I was on a low carb diet (lost 30 pounds, should probably do it again). Anyway, I found some bryers low carb ice cream bars and I had one left and after a particularly rough day at work, all I wanted was my ice cream and when I got home, DH had eaten it, even though he thought they were gross. I wanted to stab him
Gah! DH did this recently too with my fave Greek yogurt ice cream bars. He also said that he doesn't really like them (so lay off!). And he did it while I was putting LO to sleep.. Sneaky [-X
@mellymar and @virginiaunicorn11 I'd punch them in the throat. Before I got pregnant I was on a low carb diet (lost 30 pounds, should probably do it again). Anyway, I found some bryers low carb ice cream bars and I had one left and after a particularly rough day at work, all I wanted was my ice cream and when I got home, DH had eaten it, even though he thought they were gross. I wanted to stab him
Gah! DH did this recently too with my fave Greek yogurt ice cream bars. He also said that he doesn't really like them (so lay off!). And he did it while I was putting LO to sleep.. Sneaky [-X
@mellymar@virginiaunicorn11@KarasTwin@AlyLynn07 What is it with men? I can't eat dairy or gluten right now, so I can't eat half the food in the house. DH has no problems polishing off: gluten free cookies I made, Kind bars, GF cereal (when there's 4 other boxes in the pantry) or GF "non dairy frozen dessert". And he doesn't understand why I get upset every. single. time.
I feel a huge blow up coming on. I have an unhealthy habit of holding things in for a long time (like, months) until I get really upset. Well, I have bitten my tongue for months and now I am about to throw DH's cell phone out into the street. I use my phone a decent amount, yes. But he is truly on his all the time and ALWAYS while dealing with LO. I hate that for her. Lately, I have had to repeat stories 3 and 4 times because he's too busy keeping up on his Twitter feed to hear me. I just don't feel connected at all and I'm sure he's annoyed we haven't had much "alone time" lately either. Sorry, but last thing I want to do after working or doing housework all day while he watches sports and stares at his phone is snuggle up to him! He also has been pulling the "I don't hear her crying" in the middle of the night game this past week. Last night I shook him until he woke up and told him to get her. He did, but it was a dramatic effort. Just feeling so irritated!! This will end up in a teary meltdown within a day or so.
Yeah, so DH is just on a roll over here. We were eating breakfast this morning (pancakes) and he is holding LO while I eat and I look over and ask 'what is that on his face?' He wipes it away quickly and says nothing. 'No seriously, what the f*¢k was that on his face?' He pulls out his sheepish face and says 'pancake'. Asshole tried to give LO pancake while I wasn't looking! So, I potentially missed his first 'sweet' and first 'solid' food! There was no reaction from LO at all about it, so I didn't miss anything (honestly, I think he just gave him a piece the size of a pencil eraser, so tiny it wouldn't make a difference), but you can bet I chewed DH's ass for it. He said he 'didn't think about it that way' (that I would've missed a special and priceless reaction), which I believe because he truly is clueless that way sometimes. But all the same, he still felt like he felt he had to go behind my back, probably because he knew I would tell him not to, because BABY ISNT READY.
And then later he finishes feeding and changing LO while I am paying the bills online and he's talking about 'well I could finish up assassins creed right now' and I come right back with 'you should be playing with your son right now. You should be helping him to develop his abilities by helping him to grasp toys, or talking to him, or making faces, or doing tummy time'. It just pisses me off because he is either feeding LO, changing him, or trying to get him to sleep. If LO gets even a bit fussy he says he's tired and starts trying to make him sleep. Dude. He's fussy because he's bored. Try something else. He has definite sleepy signs, and whimpering isn't one of them. And put down your goddamned phone and engage with your kid. Don't be so eager to check your fb or llay xbox that you can't smile back at your kid. Fb and xbox will be there, that smile is fleeting. I feel you, @swaugh14
Re: DH rants and raves for October
I told this to my DH, and he thinks your DH did that on purpose just to be funny / an a-hole
Edit, quote box fail
@dancegurl1118 is right ...... Some people are fine with just taking short naps with their LO ...... My kid only naps at 40 min intervals so that wouldn't work for us! Lol
Ah that's great, our best option at the moment is getting a live in au pair (in Aus its $106 per day for childcare without government funding) because it's cheaper and my husband works nights too so she'd be in 24 hour care at home 3 days a week.Kind of feel a little rotten putting her into care this young and for such a long time but I'm trying to study earn a full income and move back to where hubby is from so I'm not sure what else to do.. Any tips or reassurance that I'm not a monster would be greT
'Murica, for the win (MUCH sarcasm in that sentence)
At least DH is trying
I get up this morning, nothing was touched... Including the components of her nebulizer that needed cleaning.
Cool. Cool cool cool.
He's lucky he leaves the house before I get up! At least he took the garbage out. And he does daycare pickup, so he only hurt himself on this one because he's gonna get home with LO today to no clean bottles!
DH: What is this?!
Me: The "complain about your husband" thread
DH: Uh oh. I don't even want to know what you write about me.
Me: Good because I wasn't going to tell you!
He's fun. He has been going around for two days, telling everyone LO is 2'2" and then cracking up at himself.
DH has been great lately. vaccumed the living room, built himself a home gym, made dinner last night. definitely still has his moments where i wanna punch him in the face though
Your situation but I hope it will improve and you'll be guided in the best way about what to do. My good friend was like this, she says that her babies cries just hit this really raw nerve. she was never awful or rough or violent with the babies and loves them dearly but the sound just really grinds on her and as they moved out of the baby crying phase it got
A lot better.
Counseling does sound like a good idea, since you said elsewhere it's been this way for a while. Couples counseling seems overwhelming to me sometimes, so I've vowed the next time I feel it is needed, I will make an individual appointment with a therapist who also does couples counseling. So I can just focus on getting myself there first, then it will be easier to have DH come along once I've got it sorted.
This is just my approach - you know whether this will work for your situation. I also used someone else's advice on here, telling my DH, "I'd like to talk about X some time in the near future. Can we find a time in the next few days?" OR, I do something like make dinner, get us in a good mood and feeling bonded, then mention things have been difficult lately, I feel bad about it, and how can we make it better.
But maybe these aren't good suggestions for you, and you just need to vent. Big hugs, lady.
https://www.scarymommy.com/club-mid/when-marriage-feels-heavy/
Don't listen to him. You ARE educated and smart, and PPD/A IS real. I'm a military spouse too, so I know how hard it can be to separated from support when you need it.
Unfortunately it sounds like you might have to go about this on your own at first. Definitely speak with your doctor and get yourself the help you need. And maybe when you speak with your husband, you can kinda put the conversation like this - "I understand you don't think depression is a for real thing, but I really just need you to have my back on this. That's what marriage is about, backing your spouse's play even if you don't agree with it sometimes. Also, it really hurts me when you call me uneducated. You could not go into my work and do my job, and I have pride in my work. Please don't say that to me"
Hugs gal. >:D<
Frustrating
@JMott22
The other night I kissed DH on my way to bed, and noticed he had something on his face.
Me: you've got something brown all over your face, what is it?
DH: oh, I had that brownie.
Me: you had the last brownie (your aunt) brought us?!
DH: I didn't know you wanted any.
Me: yeah, because you didn't ask!!
Men.
[-(
Edit, spelling
I really feel like often times people insult others because of their own insecurities. Maybe after you've started counseling you could get your husband to join you some. It isn't okay for him to be insulting towards you, and I don't blame you for not wanting your daughter to see that behavior. Hang in there, lady!
@mellymar and @virginiaunicorn11 oh hell no!
This is a rant and rave. DH went and got Mexican food & Marble Slab last night.
Rave: It was awesome!
Rant: I keep telling him I need his help to eat healthy. He is 6'2" and like 160. Clearly he can eat whatever. So not fair!
And then later he finishes feeding and changing LO while I am paying the bills online and he's talking about 'well I could finish up assassins creed right now' and I come right back with 'you should be playing with your son right now. You should be helping him to develop his abilities by helping him to grasp toys, or talking to him, or making faces, or doing tummy time'. It just pisses me off because he is either feeding LO, changing him, or trying to get him to sleep. If LO gets even a bit fussy he says he's tired and starts trying to make him sleep. Dude. He's fussy because he's bored. Try something else. He has definite sleepy signs, and whimpering isn't one of them. And put down your goddamned phone and engage with your kid. Don't be so eager to check your fb or llay xbox that you can't smile back at your kid. Fb and xbox will be there, that smile is fleeting. I feel you, @swaugh14