DH rants and raves for October

KarasTwin · October 2015

I had a rough ride home last night, LO cried for about 40 minutes and I had to stop twice. It was 7 by the time we got home. DH took him, told me to pour a glass of wine and take a bath. When I got out, he had fed LO, changed him, and put him in his pajamas. I took LO while DH went and picked up mexican for supper. LO fell asleep in my lap so I let him nap on his quilt in the living room while we ate and I had more wine. DH put him down for the night. And before I got home he washed bottles and did a load of laundry. He works 10 hour days and has been super stressed at work, but he always tries to make sure I get a little me time.

KaLikeAWind · October 2015

I'm gonna rave about myself. Super humble, I know. We updated our laptop to windows 10 and since then the mousepad wouldn't work. We had a USB mouse so its wasn't a huge deal, but it still kinda sucked to have to find a place to use the USB mouse instead of using the touchpad. DH kept saying he would look at it and see what was going on there, but kept not doing it (not a rant - he legit had a lot of other things going on and this was super low priority compared to the other stuff). Well, after watching a youtube video, I fixed it! I'm not even going to say anything to DH and wait until he uses the laptop and notices its fixed. How many of you want to bet he will think it magically fixed itself vs the more obvious cause of someone else - me - fixing it?

ksimo6 · October 2015

@mellymar go with your bad self!

DH has two trips this month... He is prepping to leave tomorrow so he has spent the week doing all of the laundry and cleaning so I don't have to deal with it while he is away. We try to set each other up for success... He's going above and beyond.

Oh and he suggested we start using a grocery delivery service this week.... Seriously? Best thing ever. Why didn't I do this 2 years ago?!

KarasTwin · October 2015

@mellymar get it! You can learn anything on youtube, that's how I learned to tape, mud, and finish sheet rock.

@ksimo6 tell me more about this grocery delivery, is it expensive?

jessieR358 · October 2015

ksimo6 said:
@mellymar go with your bad self!

DH has two trips this month... He is prepping to leave tomorrow so he has spent the week doing all of the laundry and cleaning so I don't have to deal with it while he is away. We try to set each other up for success... He's going above and beyond.

Oh and he suggested we start using a grocery delivery service this week.... Seriously? Best thing ever. Why didn't I do this 2 years ago?!

We started shipt last week. I don't know how long we'll keep it (got wrong groceries, missing items) but it sure was nice to not go to the store.

caitlincunn · October 2015

I love peapod ( stop and shop delivery) even though on the weekends my fiancé can go to the store sometimes it's nice to have that extra time with him

HoosOnFirst · October 2015

We do grocery delivery too. More expensive but I buy less random crap and it's too hard to pick up say, cat litter, with LO.

ChardeeMacDennis · October 2015

Check your regular grocery store, too. Hy-Vees here do free delivery over $100, and I think it's only $5 if you spend less.

LO has barely napped today and is feeling it so when DH got home I told him I needed to sit in a quiet dark room with my baby. Now he's dealing with both boys and the kitchen disaster I left him. Good job, husband.

virginiaunicorn11 · October 2015

Yeah, grocery delivery is where it's at! We might end up spending more (to hit the $100 free delivery minimum), but we plan meals better and eat way healthier. Over time, we've learned how to use it best. We do not allow them to make substitutions for items out of stock; and we do not order fresh produce from them, because we get better and cheaper produce elsehwere. We also learned not to count on them to deliver in time for us to make dinner, because they are always late.
It's not a perfect system, but after a few tries you can figure out the best way to make it work, and for us, it was life changing.
We use Peapod, but also used Fresh Direct in the past.

jessieR358 · October 2015

If you have shipt in your area the delivery fee is free over $35. I did learn that they increase the price of the items in the store! But it was still cheaper than me going and buying random crap that never makes more than one meal.

ksimo6 · October 2015

KarasTwin said:
@mellymar get it! You can learn anything on youtube, that's how I learned to tape, mud, and finish sheet rock.

@ksimo6 tell me more about this grocery delivery, is it expensive?

@KarasTwin We use Coborns delivers. It's 5 dollars for next day delivery and I have found that the prices are comparable to our local store. The milk is 10 cents more per gallon... But you can use coupons for anything you order. I have also found that I am editing things out of my cart before ordering. That impulse buying I experience in the store is nonexistent. And For the amount of stress it takes off of me, it is worth the extra money.

KarasTwin · October 2015

@ksimo6, thanks, I'll have to see what's available in my area!

KaLikeAWind · October 2015

This weekend was the time I wanted to try to move LO to his room, but I wanted to install the monitor I bought first (otherwise, wtf was the point of buying it, right?). Well, DH sort of slacked on installing it Friday - it only came about 2 hours before we had to leave for bowling and we knew we had an hour of that to spend feeding LO before we went, so not totally on him. Yesterday (Saturday) he wanted to go do 'fall stuff' so we went and did a corn maze with LO (that was fun). We got home and we're both tired but I start to feed LO and I say that we can install the monitor this afternoon so that we can use it tonight. He doesn't say anything (which is what he does when he doesn't want to do something but also doesn't want to say he doesn't want to do something). I'm not able to pursue it because LO is screaming and I'm struggling to feed him and DH goes off to make dinner. After dinner, I'm barely able to keep myself awake, and he says "should we put him in his room tonight?". To which I reply we don't have the monitor set up yet. And he tells me I don't need it because we can hear him across the hall or with the little sound one alone. And I'm telling him - every single sound this kid makes wakes me up. So if we don't install in the video feed, every single time I wake up I'm going to have to get up and walk across the hall and come back. And I'm not doing that. Or..."every time I wake up cause he makes noise I can wake you up and you can go check him." Not surprisingly, the answer to that was no. So then he tells me to watch LO and he'll go up and install it right now. And I want it installed, but I'm also dead tired and wanted to go to bed RIGHT NOW. And I also know that because he tired too he will rush thru installing it and not bother to make sure of things that normally would be done if you attempt this project with adequate time (testing the signal, finding the best location to give the best view, making sure the cord is squared away so it can't be grabbed by little hands when LO is bigger). So another day passes without it being installed. Another day LO is in the room with us. Now its going to be AT LEAST another 3 days LO will be in this room with us, because I am NOT dealing with a crib transition night on my own.

mishmardhiono · October 2015

mellymar said:
This weekend was the time I wanted to try to move LO to his room, but I wanted to install the monitor I bought first (otherwise, wtf was the point of buying it, right?). Well, DH sort of slacked on installing it Friday - it only came about 2 hours before we had to leave for bowling and we knew we had an hour of that to spend feeding LO before we went, so not totally on him. Yesterday (Saturday) he wanted to go do 'fall stuff' so we went and did a corn maze with LO (that was fun). We got home and we're both tired but I start to feed LO and I say that we can install the monitor this afternoon so that we can use it tonight. He doesn't say anything (which is what he does when he doesn't want to do something but also doesn't want to say he doesn't want to do something). I'm not able to pursue it because LO is screaming and I'm struggling to feed him and DH goes off to make dinner. After dinner, I'm barely able to keep myself awake, and he says "should we put him in his room tonight?". To which I reply we don't have the monitor set up yet. And he tells me I don't need it because we can hear him across the hall or with the little sound one alone. And I'm telling him - every single sound this kid makes wakes me up. So if we don't install in the video feed, every single time I wake up I'm going to have to get up and walk across the hall and come back. And I'm not doing that. Or..."every time I wake up cause he makes noise I can wake you up and you can go check him." Not surprisingly, the answer to that was no. So then he tells me to watch LO and he'll go up and install it right now. And I want it installed, but I'm also dead tired and wanted to go to bed RIGHT NOW. And I also know that because he tired too he will rush thru installing it and not bother to make sure of things that normally would be done if you attempt this project with adequate time (testing the signal, finding the best location to give the best view, making sure the cord is squared away so it can't be grabbed by little hands when LO is bigger). So another day passes without it being installed. Another day LO is in the room with us. Now its going to be AT LEAST another 3 days LO will be in this room with us, because I am NOT dealing with a crib transition night on my own.

That totally sucks but I thought I'd give you some support. We put our DD in her cot at 3.5 months without a single issue ( I was the issue not her) she sleeps so much better and undisturbed. I truly believe we disturb her sleep as much as she did mine so hopefully it can be the same as you.

The first night I was going through "what if there's a fire, what if someone breaks in etc totally irrational things but after night 1 everything was so much better

virginiaunicorn11 · October 2015

@mellymar That sucks, I'm sorry. It also totally sounds like something that would go on in my house.
Men!!

wheresilenceismusic · October 2015

Hello from the July '15 board! I am switching over to June because you gals are a little more active here.

DH is in the Army and injured his hip/knee after I got pregnant last October. It was very difficult when he had hip surgery in March: I had to walk him to the bathroom, bathe him, feed him, dispense his medicine, etc.; and we are 14 hours away from family and friends. But after May or so, he seemed fully recovered, and we finally began to shift our focus away from his injuries and toward my pregnancy and our arriving baby.

Hazel Mae arrived 7/20 after an incredibly empowering, out-of-hospital birth. About 10 days after baby was born, DH's doctor recommended another surgery, this one for his knee. He scheduled the surgery without first consulting me, and when he did inform me of his plans, he was so excited and relieved for additional healing that I couldn't say no.

He had knee surgery about a month ago, when LO was 6 weeks old. I love DH dearly and am so excited for his healing… but I have to confess to you ladies, I am hanging on by a thread. Again, I am helping DH with everything: bathing him, feeding him, cleaning up after him. But in addition to all of this, I am taking care of our newborn. He does not help at all with Hazel. How can I blame him? He needs crutches to get around.

I am struggling with resentment. Logically, I know that DH is doing everything that he can for us (by healing himself) and he is emotionally very supportive. But that other part of me? I wonder… does he *really* need to take Percocet for the pain? Can't he help with folding laundry, fixing coffee… can't he do anything other than sit on the couch and play video games? I become furious at night when he joins me in bed. His crutches are loud and often wake Hazel up. The worst part is that I haven't left our apartment in 3+ months. I'm in North Carolina and in my 9th month of pregnancy, it was 100+ degrees -- too hot to go outside. Then we had a newborn. Now my husband physically can't walk anywhere and seems to need me for everything. I love him but I want to kill him!!

He heard news recently that he will be medically discharged from the Army. We've been together since we were 13 years old and I was never keen on the fact that he joined, so my response was: Great!! We will have the opportunity to start anew. But it's an additional stress: when his medical discharge is completed, we will both be jobless. We do not have a time line for when that will be.

I am struggling with PP anxiety (maybe depression) and I think DH may have depressive symptoms as well. It's been a big year for us! Lots to celebrate. Lots of change. Lots to "tackle."

Any ideas re: how to better cope with my resentment?

Any ideas re: how to care for DH if he is depressed?

Any ideas re: how to get out of the house with DH?

I suggested that we focus on our marriage, not his career. We need to go on a date or two.

I also suggested counseling but he wouldn't hear it.

TIA

dalinhardt · October 2015

@wheresilenceismusic Your situation is so similar to what DH and I have been going through! We are in NC and DH is getting out of the military. DH had shoulder surgery a month before LO was born and injured it again the day before I was scheduled to have my LO! I understand that same resentment, but cling to the knowledge that your DH is trying to get better for himself, you and your LO. It's better for him to recover while still in the service and a paycheck. There's a lot of unknowns for our men and women in the service and many of them joined young and have never experienced civilian life as an adult, add in the after effects of their years in the service. Unknowns are scary for everyone. My best advice is to sit down and talk and keep talking, have a heart to heart and support him even though it's hard sometimes when you feel abandoned with this new life. With communication the rest will flow! I wish you the best of luck!

KarasTwin · October 2015

Rant. DH hasn't seen me or LO since he left for work Thursday morning. He went camping and golfing with his buddies this weekend so LO and I went to visit my family. I called him when we were headed home and he was annoyed that he got woken up from his nap and then wanted to get off the phone and shower. When he finally called back he was whining about his reflux because he ran out of hid medicine and drank and ate crap food all weekend. He was at the store when we got home and when he got back LO was still asleep in his car seat. Then instead of talking to me, he starts watching a movie. LO woke up hungry, so he fixes him a bottle, hands it to me,and tells me he's going to feed himself. He has not held him since Wednesday night. He usually is all about talking to him and holding him, so I don't know what his deal is. Then he tells me that even though he's off tomorrow, he's still taking LO to his mom's house so he can run errands. Grrrrr

KaLikeAWind · October 2015

@wheresilenceismusic hi there gal! Another military spouse here, my DH is also active duty, for 13 years in the Coast Guard. So I know how it goes to be far from any support. And my DH works a 2 on, 2 off schedule, so he will be away from home for over 48 hours before he can come back home and then he spends time playing Xbox or mowing the lawn (on a riding mower, with headphones to listen to music, and a beer in his built-in cupholder. Sure...that's working REAL hard) or something. There's usually some reason why I have to still take care of LO on his days off. Some are legit, some just aren't. I'm not, however, dealing with having to have my DH be a second baby in my house. My hats off to you, gal.

First off, get the man a shower chair (sold in any medical supply store) so he can bathe himself. You might even be able to get Tricare to cover it. Even if his knee isn't supposed to get wet, you can help him by covering it with plastic so that he can do that for himself. And how does surgery on his knee prevent him from feeding himself? If his arms work to play Xbox, they can move a fork to his mouth. Unless you mean make meals, then in that case he is still able to warm up the oven and throw in a freezer meal. I like the Stouffer's meals, myself. And yes, there is nothing preventing him from folding laundry in a hamper in front of him. He can also hold LO and soothe her when she is cranky, and if you bottle feed in any way he can give her some of her feedings. There is plenty that he can do without standing up.

I know you said he wasn't having anything to do with counseling, but I think you should have some. I was able to get some counseling sessions because of PP anxiety / depression, and I brought him to a session. First off, the sessions helped me a great deal with own mental state. Helped me to center myself and come around to the kind of person I used to be. Second, we accomplished a lot in the one session he went to. I'd suggest telling you need to go for PPA/D and that he is going to have to be responsible for Hazel for maybe an hour and half while you go work on you. Then after a session come back and tell him that part of your therapy is a family session, and that he has to go to so you can continue to advance in your own treatment. My counselor kindly bent the truth (a little bit) by telling my husband that since having a baby is an adjustment for everyone (which it is) she needed to talk to everyone to help my PPD, not just me.

When I said above, some of the stuff my DH 'needs' to do while he is off is legit, and some is not, I learned to call shenanigans on the stiff that isn't legit. If he is playing Xbox and its time for LOs bottle (when he is home I bf first then supplement with a bottle of formula each feeding) I tell him its his turn to feed LO. If he says something like 'I'm almost done with this challenge (he's into Assassins Creed Unity right now)' then I tell him the game will still be there after he pauses it to feed his kid and change his diaper. I usually have to say at least once each time he is home 'and when do I get 'me' time?'. You have to advocate for yourself. Because if you don't, who will?

And lastly, welcome to June! These ladies helped me thru some rough times. You're in good company here

aj1327 · October 2015

@mellymar my DH set up the monitor yesterday after WEEKS of me bugging him. And I know he wants to keep LO in our room because he feels more comfortable with him in there but I am ready (or as ready as I'll ever be), and I know it needs to be done. I keep chickening out. It's happening on Thursday because LO will be 4 months. Got of track, but what is it with these men and monitors?!?

wheresilenceismusic · October 2015

Thank you for your encouragement and support, ladies!

@dalinhardt -- You might be my neighbor; we are stationed at Ft. Bragg.

Wow, your situation sounds very similar to mine! I agree that there are factors to be optimistic about and thankful for. I am so glad that we are caring for my DH's health now, while we have health insurance and a paycheck. The medical discharge can take as long as a year, so we will have time to plan for our future. And communication is always key. … I hope all is going well for you, your LO, and your DH. You have an excellent attitude and your family is lucky to have you! Has your husband healed from his surgery? What are your plans for post-military life, and what resources (on base or otherwise) are you using to make those?

@mollymar -- yes, Yes, YES! I've been worried that DH is a little depressed, so I haven't been hard on him. But maybe what he needs is a little tough love. He *should* be taking care of himself at this point. He *should* be helping me with tasks that don't require standing. Recognizing his own independence can only help him feel better.

I made an appointment with a counselor for myself, just to talk about things. If DH doesn't respond well to me asking him to be more independent, I am going to bring him to counseling.

Great development: right after I posted this, I convinced DH to go out with LO and I to dinner. We got out of the apartment!, each had a beer!!, and LO was very well behaved.

aj1327 · October 2015

wheresilenceismusic said:
Thank you for your encouragement and support, ladies!

@dalinhardt -- You might be my neighbor; we are stationed at Ft. Bragg. Wow, your situation sounds very similar to mine! I agree that there are factors to be optimistic about and thankful for. I am so glad that we are caring for my DH's health now, while we have health insurance and a paycheck. The medical discharge can take as long as a year, so we will have time to plan for our future. And communication is always key. … I hope all is going well for you, your LO, and your DH. You have an excellent attitude and your family is lucky to have you! Has your husband healed from his surgery? What are your plans for post-military life, and what resources (on base or otherwise) are you using to make those?

@mollymar -- yes, Yes, YES! I've been worried that DH is a little depressed, so I haven't been hard on him. But maybe what he needs is a little tough love. He *should* be taking care of himself at this point. He *should* be helping me with tasks that don't require standing. Recognizing his own independence can only help him feel better.
I made an appointment with a counselor for myself, just to talk about things. If DH doesn't respond well to me asking him to be more independent, I am going to bring him to counseling.

Great development: right after I posted this, I convinced DH to go out with LO and I to dinner. We got out of the apartment!, each had a beer!!, and LO was very well behaved.

Welcome and I'm so glad you got out!!!

caitlincunn · October 2015

My fiancé got lo to nap all but 1 time this weekend. She's finally letting him put her to sleep. She couldn't get comfortable on his arm/chest for a while but they have figured it out finally! After doing all naps myself during the week it was nice to not have to bounce lo to sleep for a day or two!

dalinhardt · October 2015

@wheresilenceismusic Thank you, it's hard to stay positive all the time. We are stationed at Camp Lejeune, not far at all! DH just finished physical therapy and returned to full duty so he can get out! He officially has 10 days left! DH used part of his GI bill to take classes in the evening's. Hireherosusa. is a great resource and was also recommended by another bumpie. We plan on returning home to CO to be with our families!

KaLikeAWind · October 2015

@wheresilenceismusic if you are at Ft Bragg, that's a large enough posting that there should be a spouses group you can join that will help you make mom friends, which in turn should help you get out of the house more in general. Is there an ombudsman on base that will have info on meetups and work/life events? Also, you can reach out to the chaplain on your base to help you discuss things with your DH, and also should have leads on events you can bring LO to. You don't have to be religious (we aren't) to talk with the chaplain, most of the ones I've met are really mellow and calming and willing to help no matter what religion (or none) you follow.

krystleshel · October 2015

Ugh. So I have only asked DH for help at night ONCE. The night we came home from the hospital. I have gotten up, changed, fed, & got back to sleep
every night since then (16weeks). Now that she is almost 4 months, I told him I would need him to start getting up to help calm her back to sleep if she's fed. (So she doesn't feel the need to eat). So we tried last night at 330am. This crazy man puts her paci in and lays down and goes back to sleep WHILE she's still whining. NO! It doesn't work like that. You have to comfort her & make sure she's out. Ugh. Who's for sleep training these DHs?!

jessieR358 · October 2015

@wheresilenceismusic kudos to you for putting up with that. No way I'd let my husband get away with doing nothing for a month and me having a newborn to take care of. I'd be depressed too and ready to walk out that door! You need to give him tasks to do! And no, he probably shouldn't need percocets on a daily basis a month out from surgery.

virginiaunicorn11 · October 2015

@krystleshel Ditto!! Let's kick them out and be roommates, so we can help each other.

My DH was on board with helping at night, after I talked all day about the advice on here about how to help LO sleep. That lasted ONE night.

Dude is an amazing father from 9:30 am - 6:00 pm. If we had a part-time LO (or one who slept through the night, or at least part of it), that would be perfect.

aj1327 · October 2015

virginiaunicorn11 said:
@krystleshel Ditto!! Let's kick them out and be roommates, so we can help each other.

My DH was on board with helping at night, after I talked all day about the advice on here about how to help LO sleep. That lasted ONE night.

Dude is an amazing father from 9:30 am - 6:00 pm. If we had a part-time LO (or one who slept through the night, or at least part of it), that would be perfect.

My best friend has a 7 week old. We constantly are saying we should live together with the kids and put our husbands in a house. Haha.

hudson202 · October 2015

Rave: my DH is a perpetual student (working on degree #3) which can be hard sometimes, but last night he brought home flowers and asked me to homecoming (technically the homecoming football game). I thought it was pretty cute.

theletlers · October 2015

Warning: long rant (and I know it's fine I'm just annoyed and need to vent!)
So LO has been sleeping since 8:00 last night...AMAZING!! Only dream feedings. DH was at work until a little after midnight. I was still kind of awake so we were joking and kissing and it seemed like the night was going to end on a good note. Then DH tells me his pto request for Halloween was denied and that thanksgiving and Christmas would most likely be denied too. Then basically says goodnight and brushes it off like its no big deal. The thing is my whole family is like 4 hours away (without LO!) So I can't even see my family for the holidays. Which means I basically just sit at home with our son by myself for every holiday because I don't want to just sit with my MIL which is kind of the other option. It sucks. And I know he cant help it that other people have seniority, but how he brought all this up is crappy. I have asked before to not bring up sensitive topics after work like this because it only upsets me. So then I'm crying because now my son and I don't get to see DH or my family for any holidays this year and it's late and I'm exhausted, DH ignores me crying and gets himself a snack. I calm down and go to bed and nurse LO, trying to just let things go and get some sleep. DH follows me and just goes to sleep and starts snoring...here I am an hour later still upset and awake. I might make him get up with LO in a few hours. It was just how he handled the whole situation. Irks me to the extreme.

virginiaunicorn11 · October 2015

@theletlers That's awful, I'm so sorry. I would feel the same way. Any chance you and LO can go for one of those holidays to be with your family, or some of them could come to you? Big hugs

DH and I are having a bit of a hard time again. I am trying to remind myself that he's my favorite person in the world, and if genuinely marry him all over again in a heartbeat, given the choice. It's just a really stressful time. Once we get to our parents' today and get settled in (for the next 5-9 months...!!), things will hopefully even out for a while.
Just logging it here because it's not all unicorns and rainbows, but that's life and that's ok.

upandbelow · October 2015

virginiaunicorn11 said:
@theletlers That's awful, I'm so sorry. I would feel the same way. Any chance you and LO can go for one of those holidays to be with your family, or some of them could come to you? Big hugs

DH and I are having a bit of a hard time again. I am trying to remind myself that he's my favorite person in the world, and if genuinely marry him all over again in a heartbeat, given the choice. It's just a really stressful time. Once we get to our parents' today and get settled in (for the next 5-9 months...!!), things will hopefully even out for a while.
Just logging it here because it's not all unicorns and rainbows, but that's life and that's ok.

I just need to say that I really admire your attitude and point of view!

KarasTwin · October 2015

@theletlers sounds like our house, DH always drops bombs like that when I'm in a really good mood, or have had a really bad day. And it's always holidays or when we have plans, or having to leave for 3 days the day after our baby is born. My family is about 2 hours away, but when you have to pack up yourself and the baby, it's annoying

KaLikeAWind · October 2015

@theletlers I ahte when DH does this. Just casually announces the death of my hopes and dreams and then wanders off to grab a snack. Being that DH is military all of our holidays are away from family. In the past we have invited over youngsters from his work for dinner, so that we can still justify making the huge holiday dinner and having a little bit of company. Could you maybe do something like that? I know he wouldn't be there, since he is working, but maybe you could have some other moms over from a moms group or something?

wheresilenceismusic · October 2015

More good developments: I talked with a counselor AND went to a Babywearing International event yesterday. The counselor invited DH to our next session, to which he agreed. BI meet up didn't go as I expected to (no new mommy friends yet; it felt like a tight-knit clique where the women knew each other already), but hey! Progress!

Hubby still forgot to put dinner away last night and I ended up folding laundry... But at least he is healing. He graduated from crutches to a cane today. Baby steps.

KaLikeAWind · October 2015

@wheresilenceismusic That is progress! Great! Glad to hear it! :-bd

KaLikeAWind · October 2015

So... DH is home tonight and tomorrow. Earlier tonight LO had an overtired meltdown, and DH is trying to get him to stop crying (not criticizing him or ranting about his lack of effort) but he keeps trying to force LOs arms away from his face as if he is in a swaddle. I'm keep telling him to let LO have his arms because he probably wants to soothe with his hand, but he keeps being adamant about how THIS is the way it works for him, all the while bouncing LO pretty firmly. His whole demeanor was like someone who had to complete 100 pushups and was in the home stretch of the last 25. A kinda 'just push thru to the finish line' mentality. I get that our SO's have different ways of dealing with challenges with our babies, but if what you are doing is clearly not working, what harm to try something else? I kept telling him to relax and snuggle LO, and instead of pacing and bouncing so ferociously (which seemed like an 'energizing' vibe), to slow it down and act more like a spa environment. Well, he didn't. THIS is the way it works, and he's not going to try something else. Even once I point out that even for me I have to switch up techniques all the time. Finally he gets frustrated and hands him over. I snuggle LO up, let him do whatever with his hands, barely bounce my knees, and just sshhhhh and he quiets right down. Less is more, sometimes, I tell him. Relax, its not an objective to be achieved like in a video game. I'm not really ranting, I really am grateful he tried to stick it out instead of just giving up and handing LO back to me, even tho I offered to take over. But I'm frustrated that my advice (which I worked very hard at not making it sound like I was giving orders 'do this, not that') was immediately shot down as not viable.

Official rant - we came upstairs for bed and I sat down to feed LO a boob session before his bottle, and DH went right to sleep. Just got.in bed, laid down, pulled the covers up, and went to sleep. Tonight is supposed to be the night I get help with feeding and putting LO to bed. You'd better believe I'm waking his ass up as soon as LO is done breastfeeding so he can make a bottle and give it to him, then get LO to sleep and then go wash the bottle.

klkonwi · October 2015

^^^^ you wake his Ass up girl!!!

jessieR358 · October 2015

mellymar said:
So... DH is home tonight and tomorrow. Earlier tonight LO had an overtired meltdown, and DH is trying to get him to stop crying (not criticizing him or ranting about his lack of effort) but he keeps trying to force LOs arms away from his face as if he is in a swaddle. I'm keep telling him to let LO have his arms because he probably wants to soothe with his hand, but he keeps being adamant about how THIS is the way it works for him, all the while bouncing LO pretty firmly. His whole demeanor was like someone who had to complete 100 pushups and was in the home stretch of the last 25. A kinda 'just push thru to the finish line' mentality. I get that our SO's have different ways of dealing with challenges with our babies, but if what you are doing is clearly not working, what harm to try something else? I kept telling him to relax and snuggle LO, and instead of pacing and bouncing so ferociously (which seemed like an 'energizing' vibe), to slow it down and act more like a spa environment. Well, he didn't. THIS is the way it works, and he's not going to try something else. Even once I point out that even for me I have to switch up techniques all the time. Finally he gets frustrated and hands him over. I snuggle LO up, let him do whatever with his hands, barely bounce my knees, and just sshhhhh and he quiets right down. Less is more, sometimes, I tell him. Relax, its not an objective to be achieved like in a video game. I'm not really ranting, I really am grateful he tried to stick it out instead of just giving up and handing LO back to me, even tho I offered to take over. But I'm frustrated that my advice (which I worked very hard at not making it sound like I was giving orders 'do this, not that') was immediately shot down as not viable.

Official rant - we came upstairs for bed and I sat down to feed LO a boob session before his bottle, and DH went right to sleep. Just got.in bed, laid down, pulled the covers up, and went to sleep. Tonight is supposed to be the night I get help with feeding and putting LO to bed. You'd better believe I'm waking his ass up as soon as LO is done breastfeeding so he can make a bottle and give it to him, then get LO to sleep and then go wash the bottle.

I had the same thing happen with my DH tonight and and over tired baby! I come back down from my shower and LO is crying, not in his pjs (he was when I left him) and every noise on in his room "because LO likes the noises". It drives me bonkers he won't stick to the bedtime routine that I have done every single night for over a month. I finally make him give me LO and we snuggle in the rocker and he's calm as can be and falls asleep. The anxiety I have about this going back to work is really getting to me! Like please just stick to the bedtime routine. It's like my DH doesn't believe it is actually calming for the baby and is good for him! I know he isn't doing it on purpose but it sure feels like it sometimes. That's my rant.

KaLikeAWind · October 2015

jesshrou said:

mellymar said:
So... DH is home tonight and tomorrow. Earlier tonight LO had an overtired meltdown, and DH is trying to get him to stop crying (not criticizing him or ranting about his lack of effort) but he keeps trying to force LOs arms away from his face as if he is in a swaddle. I'm keep telling him to let LO have his arms because he probably wants to soothe with his hand, but he keeps being adamant about how THIS is the way it works for him, all the while bouncing LO pretty firmly. His whole demeanor was like someone who had to complete 100 pushups and was in the home stretch of the last 25. A kinda 'just push thru to the finish line' mentality. I get that our SO's have different ways of dealing with challenges with our babies, but if what you are doing is clearly not working, what harm to try something else? I kept telling him to relax and snuggle LO, and instead of pacing and bouncing so ferociously (which seemed like an 'energizing' vibe), to slow it down and act more like a spa environment. Well, he didn't. THIS is the way it works, and he's not going to try something else. Even once I point out that even for me I have to switch up techniques all the time. Finally he gets frustrated and hands him over. I snuggle LO up, let him do whatever with his hands, barely bounce my knees, and just sshhhhh and he quiets right down. Less is more, sometimes, I tell him. Relax, its not an objective to be achieved like in a video game. I'm not really ranting, I really am grateful he tried to stick it out instead of just giving up and handing LO back to me, even tho I offered to take over. But I'm frustrated that my advice (which I worked very hard at not making it sound like I was giving orders 'do this, not that') was immediately shot down as not viable.

Official rant - we came upstairs for bed and I sat down to feed LO a boob session before his bottle, and DH went right to sleep. Just got.in bed, laid down, pulled the covers up, and went to sleep. Tonight is supposed to be the night I get help with feeding and putting LO to bed. You'd better believe I'm waking his ass up as soon as LO is done breastfeeding so he can make a bottle and give it to him, then get LO to sleep and then go wash the bottle.
I had the same thing happen with my DH tonight and and over tired baby! I come back down from my shower and LO is crying, not in his pjs (he was when I left him) and every noise on in his room "because LO likes the noises". It drives me bonkers he won't stick to the bedtime routine that I have done every single night for over a month. I finally make him give me LO and we snuggle in the rocker and he's calm as can be and falls asleep. The anxiety I have about this going back to work is really getting to me! Like please just stick to the bedtime routine. It's like my DH doesn't believe it is actually calming for the baby and is good for him! I know he isn't doing it on purpose but it sure feels like it sometimes. That's my rant.

Right! Thank you for trying, but obviously 'your way' isn't working. How about trying something a little different? Andplusalso - how in the world would they imagine that a million toys with noises going off or being aggressively rocked is calming? Just slow it down, boys. And give it a chance to see if what we are suggesting works.

klkonwi said:
^^^^ you wake his Ass up girl!!!

Oh, I did. And he looked at me so balefully, but went and got a bottle and gave it to him. I did put the baby to sleep tho out of pity. DH had been certifying with guns yesterday and had a large-ish bruise from repeatedly firing all different kinds of guns for hours on end yesterday, and his method to get baby to sleep is to bounce on the exercise ball. It probably would have taken a lot longer and been hell on his shoulder to hold LO and bounce.

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