@shamrocandroll I still can't find anything online why. The woman at the counter said it had just happened because just a few days before they had tons. From a 2017 recall on the bags it might be an issue with one of the samples?
@jhysmath I'm delivering at a Catholic hospital, so they won't tie my tubes. Annoying, but I can deal. But to refuse to prescribe a patient pain medication after a c-section? Like, what?! I mean, do people get to leave with pain meds after they've had a kidney removed? Or their appendix? You would think he would have another doctor write the rx if he won't.
I am big baby and my mom will be in the room with me and DF when he is born. Last time we let his mom come too but we have already agreed she is too much stress on both of us so it will be my mom and DF. DS will come after he is here, he will either be with my dad or with one of my best friends during. As far as people coming to visit I don't really care, my big thing this time is I want DS to get some time with us without a million people. When he was born some of my moms closest friends (who I have known my whole life) and some of my cousins and friends just kind of showed up. I was okay with it but there were a few times where it was overwhelming because I was trying to sleep. But this also led to kind of being left alone when I was home other than my mom which was nice.
@jhysmath I am surprised that they let that travelling OB do that. That is all insane to me, though that being said I do know my OB will not give an abortion unless medically needed because he is very Catholic but he will make sure to get patients to other providers who will.
@jhysmath Wow, that's awful. My hospital only gave me 4 strong pain pills, and then suggested ibuprofen (way better than tylenol for me!) for anything else, and I was discharged 36 hours post-op from my section (long story!), which ended up OK enough, but I thought was really dumb. None at all is awful.
Reminds me that I need to talk to my doctor though, and if I end up needing a section I want it in my notes to remove my tubes. Get that set now.
If everything goes smoothly and delivery is at home as planned, husband is getting the snip instead. But, if I'm already having surgery, I don't mind them doing more.
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Me: 33 DH: 32 Married 7/18/15 1st born at 35+4 on 6/6/16 Team green turned BLUE! 2nd born at 38+6 on 8/30/18 Team green turned PINK! Due with #3 on 6/6/20 Team Green
@pourmeanothermocktail Yes, definitely get that set now. I'm having removal and my insurance requires signed paperwork 30 days ahead of time, so check with your doctor about that.
@jhysmath Wow that’s ridiculous! Your poor friend. I get that everyone is afraid of over prescribing for pain meds, but just give a 2-3 day supply to get through the first few days if needed. No one should have to go through major abdominal surgery and be told you should be okay with just Tylenol!!! That crap barely works for the pregnancy headaches!!
On a depressing note, one of my cats hasn’t been eating much lately and he totally stopped eating Sunday. MH took him to the vet yesterday and all the labs came back normal today. The vet suggested a different food, so I picked that up tonight and my baby has zero interest in either the wet or dry food. He’s quite lethargic and he looks terrible. I’ve been crying my eyes out for an hour because I’m pretty sure he’s dying. At least if he were a human, I would say he has all the signs of being on his way out. My heart hurts. I called the vet and he’s supposed to call me back tonight. He had also suggested doing an ultrasound to check for cancer. I don’t know if that would help at this point but I don’t know what else to do.
@catem07 I don't think all do, but mine does. She brought it up at one of my appts and said she does them all the time and to just let her know if we want her to.
@sunshinesea22 I'm sorry to hear about your cat. It's so sad when you can't do anything for them.
@jhysmath I feel for your friend. It's terrible that she's learning about all of this now and not before going into labor. (Below is actual footage of my facial expressions while I was reading your post)
@sunshinesea22 I'm sorry to hear about your cat. Hopefully your vet gets back to you soon. I struggled for a full year trying to figure out my cat's stomach issues. At one point she lost 1/3 of her body weight, but after several versions of prescription food, medication, and an ultrasound we discovered she has irritable bowel syndrome. Her stomach can only handle wet food, specifically fish protein. Anything else and she'll throw up, lose weight, and lose hair. I hope that it's something similar for your cat and that he'll start eating soon.
@thepretzelchick I have state insurance, so they basically don't get to fight anything regarding contraception. But I want it in my notes so they don't declare it a split second decision. Chances of my being in surgery should be about 4% anyway, but again, would rather have it written down.
@sunshinesea22 Sorry about your kitty. We lost my kitty due to cancer when she was 12. Weird stuff showed up in blood work, and we didn't finish testing.
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Me: 33 DH: 32 Married 7/18/15 1st born at 35+4 on 6/6/16 Team green turned BLUE! 2nd born at 38+6 on 8/30/18 Team green turned PINK! Due with #3 on 6/6/20 Team Green
@sunshinesea22 I’m not sure how old your cat is, but before doing additional testing consider if the results would change anything you do in terms of treatment. If the answer is that it doesn’t change anything, then the stress of the extra tests may not be worth it. My dog quit eating for almost two weeks. I sincerely believed it was the end. We found she does have cancer and we try what we can to keep her comfortable, but have opted against things like surgery at her age. Well, the old girl won’t quit and despite the terminal nature of her illness she actually is doing better than she was. It’s been a year and a half since her diagnosis, and sometimes she has bad spells and I fear the worst, but most days she is pretty much normal with a normal appetite. She is begging for dinner as I type this! It’s always distressing when we don’t know for sure what’s wrong, and hopefully your kitty regains an appetite and rebounds soon. Pets can be resilient. Enjoy each day you can get with them. Hang in there. I realize I’m rambling now. I guess I’m just saying I know it’s hard, and hopefully it’s just a bad spell and your cat is doing better soon, and even in the worst case scenario we just have to be good friends to them and take care of them as long as they still have some fight left in them. Hugs.
So when she went to her ob (who delivered her other two children who are 9 and 2 years old) a few weeks ago to set her c-section date (repeat because their hospital doesn't allow vbacs) her Dr said that he'd be away at a conference so the traveling one would be filling in, that's when she found out that either she'd need a second surgery for her tubes or find a general surgeon willing to do so.
As far as circs go I assumed OBs did them I know our midwife asked if we had a boy what did we want to do, she performed them herself and could do it for us if we wanted.
@jhysmath that is crazy! I would be losing my mind and demanding somebody else. I don't think there's anything for me to worry about with mine but now I'll double check just to be totally sure.
@sunshinesea22 I'm so sorry your cat isn't doing well . I hope it turns out to be nothing or something easily treatable. My family dog acted kind of like that when he had Lyme disease, but the test showed he had it. Not sure if those tests ever give false negatives.
@sunshinesea22 I’m sorry about your cat. Last fall our cat stopped eating for like 5 days and was not acting like himself. We took him to the vet and he had xrays and lab work. Everything came back good. Our vet diagnosed him with pancreatitis. she just happened to get back from a conference talking about this in cats and how they don’t present with the typical signs and that it’s more prevalent in Siamese (which he is). He got fluids a couple times and some meds (one for nausea and the other for the pancreatitis). After a couple days he was doing much better.
@catem07 in my state, and I think in most of the northeast at least, the OBs more often perform circumcisions compared to the pediatricians. I feel like it must be because the OBs are in surgery setting more than pediatricians/family doctors (not that they aren’t qualified to do it), but either way it’s very very common for the OB.
@sunshinesea22 I’m so sorry about your cat. It’s so hard when animals have declining health 😓
Thank you everyone for your kind words. We’re bringing him back to the vet tomorrow to get nausea medication, an appetite stimulant and possibly pain medication. He has crystals in his urine but I can’t see that causing this much of an issue. I also scheduled an ultrasound for Thursday, just to see what they might find there. @pirateduck I have considered what I would do with the additional testing/knowledge. It’s part of what I do every day as a hospice nurse. I know that if it is cancer, I wouldn’t want to put him through treatment, but would rather seek comfort measures, but if it’s an irritable bowel or something like that, I’m happy to put him on a steroid and switch his diet. I just want him to eat if he can. I don’t want him force fed or artificially hydrated, that goes against what I would want for myself and I won’t do to my cat what I wouldn’t want done to me. The vet assured me he doesn’t think my cat is dying, but I can’t help but think that he has a lot of the symptoms of the dying people I care for. I’ll keep everyone posted as things progress. I really appreciate all the love
Does anyone else like to look at all the BMB's and see how many are behind us? Or maybe that's just me? Anyways, super exciting to see October up. I can't believe how far we've come.
@jhysmath - that's horrible for your friend! When she's a bit more recovered she should definitely file a complaint with his licensing board because refusing the care she requested because of his personal beliefs goes against his oath as a doctor.
@drkoyya everyone's experience is different of course, but I personally am not a fan of the newborn stage and the "fourth trimester" and wish I could skip ahead to about September lol. Sure baby snuggles are great, but it can be really hard. I'm hoping that as a STM I'll be a little more prepared and not feel so confused that I have no idea what I'm doing. I also wasn't really prepared for the baby blues/mild PPD or whatever emotional roller coaster I was on for the first few weeks probably partially due to lack of sleep along with everything else. But of course it's all worth it I did tell DH over the weekend that this part is great while she's still inside growing and you can feel kicks etc but you don't have to put forth that much effort and can sleep in sometimes when needed lol I think the worst for me was my struggle with breastfeeding and not realizing how much time it was going to take up where I couldn't even sleep more than 2 hours at a time which really did a number on me and wasn't something anyone else could help with really.
@sunshinesea22 sorry to hear about your kitty. It sounds promising that your vet doesn't think he's dying so hopefully you guys can figure it out and get kitty back to eating
I'm working from home today due to the forecast for snow moving in shortly. I was super excited because I don't have a ton to do so I was going to be lazy and relax. But then DD woke up whiny and not feeling well so I figured to be a good mom I should probably keep her home and let her have a lazy day rather than getting out in this nastiness which really interferes with my plans because she keeps wanting stuff from me lol. I turned on some Blippi hoping it buys me a few minutes of silence. Wish us luck!
@drkoyya Like @bananapanda said, everyone's experience is different. That being said, I find pregnancy to be worse than the newborn days. I'm exhausted for what seems like no reason, and I have to keep up all the other aspects of my life (work). On maternity leave the only thing I'm really expected to do is keep myself and my baby alive. I have an extremely supportive partner and family who lives nearby but also are decent at respecting boundaries. I expect the newborn stage to be harder this time around when I have a toddler, but she'll be in daycare still so I won't have to manage her all day along with the baby.
DD #1: April 2017 DD #2: May 2020 Baby #3: EDD May 2023; MC October 2022
@drkoyya It depends. I enjoyed DS as a newborn. He was totally chill and started STTN at 2 weeks old. It was wonderful. Even dealing with his medical issues wasn't a big deal. The shitstorm started when I had DD. I'm grateful I thought to take pictures and video because I have blocked out so much from that first year.
@drkoyya Yes and no for me. The last few weeks of pregnancy are SO UNCOMFORTABLE and downright painful that barely sleep and am miserable anyway. So physically, even the discomfort after delivery (by either method) is less bad for me than the last 4-5 weeks), and having baby outside helps my body a lot.The first 2 weeks for both my babies they mostly slept a lot and I recovered and they were OK, even with hormonal shifts and bleeding, etc. A little chaotic with our scheduling with multiple kids, and feeding baby and stuff, but by that point I'm actually getting more sleep at night even if I'm feeding every 2 hours, as baby passed out right after feeds and my insomnia was gone and pain lessened so I could at least sleep between those.
But then both my kids screamed for so many hours from weeks 2-idk, 4 months ish? that it was harder. The screaming for hours no matter what I did was super wearing on all parts of me, and having to walk them for hours to stop the screaming was awful. Other babies I've seen who are more OK with a swing or being held while sitting some, look less rough than my experiences. I've also heard many babies are sleeping 4-5 hour stretches by 10-12 weeks. That wasn't my reality either. It was a little less emotionally difficult with my second because I was ready to accept that some kids are up every 2-3 hours every night for many months (over a year for each of my kids) and trying more things and taking more advice and having all those methods NOT WORK actually made it harder for me than just accepting that "this is a phase, I'm doing everything right, and I just have to live through it" was much easier emotionally. Much easier, but know everyone is different.
I made a point to be very clear when I was venting (whether in person, on phone, on Facebook, or in BMB) to say "I'm just venting, I'm not able to or looking to take any advice on how to "fix my baby's sleep" right now. Because having people say "Hey, you JUST need to (xyz) and they'll be perfect sleepers" when I literally tried dozens and dozens of methods over months and months (I had over 24 months collectively between them to try things!) was even more stressful, for me.
Also, accepting that months 1-4 mean a lot of TV time for all kids and me, and a ton of macaroni and cheese of chicken nuggets (hooray for toaster ovens!!!) makes things easier for men. I am hoping that a chair in shade and a backyard paradise for my older two will help. So maybe SOME time will be outdoors.
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Me: 33 DH: 32 Married 7/18/15 1st born at 35+4 on 6/6/16 Team green turned BLUE! 2nd born at 38+6 on 8/30/18 Team green turned PINK! Due with #3 on 6/6/20 Team Green
@catem07 We kept DS in daycare when DD was born and it made everything so much easier. I know some people feel guilty doing that, but I think it really helps your mental health. Plus, your oldest will be having a great time during the day. Win-win!
@drkoyya IDK, I think having a newborn and a toddler (who gets sick or has nightmares, etc.), who still needs mom and dad at night, is much harder than either of those pictures. But everyone is different, so hopefully you have an easy baby and find the 4th trimester to be NBD.
@sunshinesea22 that is good that you are considering all possibilities. It is important to treat what you can and make them as comfortable as you can. Hopefully you have some more definitive answers soon so you can have a plan moving forward.
I had an interesting conversation with someone at work yesterday. She is super excited as she is soon to be a grandmother for the first time. Her daughter in law is due in April. She is upset or not understanding the wishes of her daughter in law. I think after our conversation she will look at it a bit differently, but it made me realize our mothers and MILs point of view a bit as well. She couldn’t understand why a week after the due date might be too soon for a visit from out of town family and my gut reaction was no freakin way would they be welcome yet. Like how do you know baby will have even been born yet, how do you know how you will feel as a FTM, what if baby is in NICU, etc. She assumed because she had multiple kids years ago (all grown) and was ok with visitors right away that everyone is ok with this. Also she can’t understand why her daughter in law doesn’t seem to want her parenting advice, after all, she’s raised several kids. I think the whole thing is that no one wants parenting advice from their MIL and we all have ideas of how we’d like to try and raise our kids, and it doesn’t matter if MIL is right or knows what she’s talking about. I think there’s also that fear that advice may somehow be outdated and recommendations may no longer be considered best practice, etc. Basically the not wanting visitors and not wanting advice is nothing personal and people shouldn’t be offended, and every mom and every birth is different. I was so thankful when I heard my husband tell a family member on the phone last night that they might need to wait until the end of summer to visit and they’d have to Wait and see how I feel and what I want.
@pourmeanothermocktail yes on the playing outside! I hope that the nice weather (hopefully) when this one is born and the ability to get out of the house will help make everything easier lol we just started looking into nice big swing sets to add to update our backyard playground for DD1 so hopefully I can relax outside with the baby in the shade while watching DD1 entertain herself and get energy out.
I'm with @ruby696 in that I definitely plan to send DD1 to daycare still once the baby comes. I mean sure there might be days she stays home or we get her early, but I will need time to recover and bond with the baby without feeling guilty that I'm "just sitting around" and not entertaining a toddler. Plus I think it will be good for her to keep her routine at daycare.
@drkoyya 4th trimester is just a means to the end for me, and I have to push myself through it. like @bananapanda said, I wish I could skip right over it and get to the fall where I know my hormones will be more in control, the baby will be on more of a schedule, and I'll be able to think straight. For me, physically the end of pregnancy is harder, but emotionally those first few months are a doozy. I plan on keeping both my boys in daycare all summer to make it easier on me. I feel zero guilt about it. I want to focus on myself and the baby for that short time.
@pirateduck It seems like some older women have a hard time waiting to be asked for advice instead of just giving it. As a mom, first time or seasoned, it's nice to feel like family has confidence in your ability to keep your baby alive, you know? And if we need advice, we will definitely ask! As for visitors, I actually prefer them at the hospital because then I don't have to see them when I get home (and we don't have anyone who will travel and expect to stay with us or be entertained by us). But I don't tell anyone when I'm in labor. I send a text when I'm ready for visitors. This time, the announcement text will not be sent until DS and DD have met their brother and sister, because I don't trust my in-laws to wait, even if we ask.
I don't know why I would even feel guilt about keeping my daughter in daycare. She loves school, she learns a lot, she has other kids her age to play with. What's to feel guilty about?
DD #1: April 2017 DD #2: May 2020 Baby #3: EDD May 2023; MC October 2022
@catem07 With DS, I used to feel guilty if I left him in daycare when I had a short day. Like as his mom, I should want to spend every second I could with him? I got over it pretty quickly though. I have things to do that are infinitely harder with a toddler. Now I have every other Friday off and would never consider keeping the kids home. That's my day, dammit.
We're on the train of keeping DD in fulltime daycare when this new baby comes. First of all, she loves daycare and her friends. Second of all, she's obsessed with babies and I know she'll want to "help" a ton and I think it'll just be a lot for me to wrangle/box her out from the baby at times. Third of all, totally more acceptable to have a beer at home with just the newborn rather than 2, right?!
@ruby696 I definitely have never thought of the "allow people to visit at the hospital so they leave us alone at home" and I find that interesting. I'm basically no one in the hospital and only come to my house if you're giving me food or cleaning haha. That won't be as easy now that we're close to family.
So, I know I had questions about toddlers visiting after delivery, but what do you do when you go into labor? Do hospitals have like childcare in case someone can't come watch them right away? My first labor consisted of my water breaking while I was asleep at 2:45am and DD was born at 5:06am. I'm nervous DH would miss something because he'd have to stay with DD if someone can't make it in time... Obviously, this will be a question that I ask my hospital when I schedule the visit but I figured I'd hear your experiences, too!
Preschooler is in half day preschool, but it's seriously school-he is picked up by school bus, it's in a classroom at the grade school, and it ends in late May/early June until August. Toddler is just normally home all day. I'm a bit worried about (1) school still being in session, but only for 1-3 more days when baby arrives and struggling to get him to those last fun party type days, and (2) him suddenly being home all day for the summer (and it's his FIRST year, so he's never had to transition back to home for summer) and adjusting to new baby, and me being home alone with all three of them the whole time...
Husband has maximum 3 days he can take off. My mom will probably be in town to help for a couple weeks to help, but I won't have confirmation of those plans or her duration until that time.
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Me: 33 DH: 32 Married 7/18/15 1st born at 35+4 on 6/6/16 Team green turned BLUE! 2nd born at 38+6 on 8/30/18 Team green turned PINK! Due with #3 on 6/6/20 Team Green
@mokay19 I've never had to do this, but the nice thing about visitors in the hospital is you can ask the nurses to make people leave after 30 minutes or whatever you're confortable with. So they can't camp out for the day. Re: childcare - I haven't heard of a hospital offering childcare. I had a close friend on call that kept her phone on loud in case I had to go to the hospital in the middle of the night. She would come over if needed until my mom could get there. If you can, I would plan to do something like that. Your hospital might let you bring YD until someone could meet YH at the hospital and pick her up.
I'm also planing on keeping DD in daycare while I'm on maternity leave. She only goes 3 days a week (the other 2 are with my mom), but I think it will be important to keep that consistency and routine for her. Also I think it will be important to have that time just me and the baby.
I like visitors in the hospital and at home. With DD we only allowed immediate family up to the hospital and my best friend. Immediate family that couldn't make it to the hospital came to visit us at home in those first couple weeks as well as the rest of our close friends and my two aunts that live in town. DD was a November baby so most everyone else got to meet her over Christmas. You bet when my brother and his partner came and asked if I needed anything I had them wash the small amount of dishes on the counter while I did something (I don't remember what I needed to do, maybe shower?).
@drkoyya I agree with everyone in saying it depends. While I was tired during pregnancy, it was nothing like the tired I experienced those first few weeks. However we had major breastfeeding issues and and I was basically constantly awake trying to feed, pump and then hand express... on repeat. Once we switched to formula it was much better, but still really hard. I do not do well with lack of sleep and once we would figure out a routine, things would change and we needed a new routine. The Wonder Weeks app/book saved my sanity when DD would change things up on us. Instead of getting upset I would realize it was a developmental leap and be able to go with the flow more. While I loved every stage with DD, things for me only got worse and worse. My health started to decline around 5 months pp and it took me getting worse and worse until I finally found a doctor who would listen at 18 months pp!! I was not functioning well at all, with treatment finally, it took me until DD was 2.5/3 to finally feel like myself again. Now I look back at that time and I do not know how I did it. I got through it all, but at the expense of a lot of things.
@drkoyya I also think it depends on your newborn and how easy they are. DS was hard. He didn't sleep well until he was about a year old and he would wake up so easily when putting him in his crib. He was that baby that required walking up and down the hall for 40 minutes to get him to fall asleep. DD was easy to put to sleep and not fussy at all. So I was far less tired. Neither of mine had colic or reflux, so they were probably both pretty easy compared to what some people experience.
Re: Randoms (2/1 - 2/29)
Reminds me that I need to talk to my doctor though, and if I end up needing a section I want it in my notes to remove my tubes. Get that set now.
If everything goes smoothly and delivery is at home as planned, husband is getting the snip instead. But, if I'm already having surgery, I don't mind them doing more.
DH: 32
Married 7/18/15
1st born at 35+4 on 6/6/16
Team green turned BLUE!
2nd born at 38+6 on 8/30/18
Team green turned PINK!
Due with #3 on 6/6/20 Team Green
DD #2: May 2020
Baby #3: EDD May 2023; MC October 2022
@sunshinesea22 I'm sorry to hear about your cat. It's so sad when you can't do anything for them.
FTM
BFP: 9/5/19 ~ EDD 5/15/20
@sunshinesea22 I'm sorry to hear about your cat. Hopefully your vet gets back to you soon. I struggled for a full year trying to figure out my cat's stomach issues. At one point she lost 1/3 of her body weight, but after several versions of prescription food, medication, and an ultrasound we discovered she has irritable bowel syndrome. Her stomach can only handle wet food, specifically fish protein. Anything else and she'll throw up, lose weight, and lose hair. I hope that it's something similar for your cat and that he'll start eating soon.
FTM
BFP 08/25/19, EDD 05/04/20
@sunshinesea22 Sorry about your kitty. We lost my kitty due to cancer when she was 12. Weird stuff showed up in blood work, and we didn't finish testing.
DH: 32
Married 7/18/15
1st born at 35+4 on 6/6/16
Team green turned BLUE!
2nd born at 38+6 on 8/30/18
Team green turned PINK!
Due with #3 on 6/6/20 Team Green
As far as circs go I assumed OBs did them I know our midwife asked if we had a boy what did we want to do, she performed them herself and could do it for us if we wanted.
@sunshinesea22 I'm so sorry your cat isn't doing well
Edit: words
- BFP: 3/10/16 — Baby Girl born 11/20/16
TTC#2 April 2019Trigger warning
married since October 2015-started trying immediately
dx: PCOS, anovulatory
rx: provera metformin progesterone
*TW*
BFP August 2016- early mc- Enoch Matthis
1 clomid cycle (March 2017)
BFP March 2017 ~ EDD December 13, 2017
di/di TWINS!!!!! vanishing twin- Hannah Jordan
DS-Nov 23, 2017- emergency induction-- Pre-eclampsia
*End TW*
BFP Sept.2019
DD #2: May 2020
Baby #3: EDD May 2023; MC October 2022
FTM
BFP 08/25/19, EDD 05/04/20
@sunshinesea22 sorry to hear about your kitty. It sounds promising that your vet doesn't think he's dying so hopefully you guys can figure it out and get kitty back to eating
I'm working from home today due to the forecast for snow moving in shortly. I was super excited because I don't have a ton to do so I was going to be lazy and relax. But then DD woke up whiny and not feeling well so I figured to be a good mom I should probably keep her home and let her have a lazy day rather than getting out in this nastiness which really interferes with my plans because she keeps wanting stuff from me lol. I turned on some Blippi hoping it buys me a few minutes of silence. Wish us luck!
FTM
BFP: 9/5/19 ~ EDD 5/15/20
DD #2: May 2020
Baby #3: EDD May 2023; MC October 2022
But then both my kids screamed for so many hours from weeks 2-idk, 4 months ish? that it was harder. The screaming for hours no matter what I did was super wearing on all parts of me, and having to walk them for hours to stop the screaming was awful. Other babies I've seen who are more OK with a swing or being held while sitting some, look less rough than my experiences. I've also heard many babies are sleeping 4-5 hour stretches by 10-12 weeks. That wasn't my reality either. It was a little less emotionally difficult with my second because I was ready to accept that some kids are up every 2-3 hours every night for many months (over a year for each of my kids) and trying more things and taking more advice and having all those methods NOT WORK actually made it harder for me than just accepting that "this is a phase, I'm doing everything right, and I just have to live through it" was much easier emotionally. Much easier, but know everyone is different.
I made a point to be very clear when I was venting (whether in person, on phone, on Facebook, or in BMB) to say "I'm just venting, I'm not able to or looking to take any advice on how to "fix my baby's sleep" right now. Because having people say "Hey, you JUST need to (xyz) and they'll be perfect sleepers" when I literally tried dozens and dozens of methods over months and months (I had over 24 months collectively between them to try things!) was even more stressful, for me.
Also, accepting that months 1-4 mean a lot of TV time for all kids and me, and a ton of macaroni and cheese of chicken nuggets (hooray for toaster ovens!!!) makes things easier for men. I am hoping that a chair in shade and a backyard paradise for my older two will help. So maybe SOME time will be outdoors.
DH: 32
Married 7/18/15
1st born at 35+4 on 6/6/16
Team green turned BLUE!
2nd born at 38+6 on 8/30/18
Team green turned PINK!
Due with #3 on 6/6/20 Team Green
@drkoyya IDK, I think having a newborn and a toddler (who gets sick or has nightmares, etc.), who still needs mom and dad at night, is much harder than either of those pictures. But everyone is different, so hopefully you have an easy baby and find the 4th trimester to be NBD.
I had an interesting conversation with someone at work yesterday. She is super excited as she is soon to be a grandmother for the first time. Her daughter in law is due in April. She is upset or not understanding the wishes of her daughter in law. I think after our conversation she will look at it a bit differently, but it made me realize our mothers and MILs point of view a bit as well. She couldn’t understand why a week after the due date might be too soon for a visit from out of town family and my gut reaction was no freakin way would they be welcome yet. Like how do you know baby will have even been born yet, how do you know how you will feel as a FTM, what if baby is in NICU, etc. She assumed because she had multiple kids years ago (all grown) and was ok with visitors right away that everyone is ok with this. Also she can’t understand why her daughter in law doesn’t seem to want her parenting advice, after all, she’s raised several kids. I think the whole thing is that no one wants parenting advice from their MIL and we all have ideas of how we’d like to try and raise our kids, and it doesn’t matter if MIL is right or knows what she’s talking about. I think there’s also that fear that advice may somehow be outdated and recommendations may no longer be considered best practice, etc. Basically the not wanting visitors and not wanting advice is nothing personal and people shouldn’t be offended, and every mom and every birth is different. I was so thankful when I heard my husband tell a family member on the phone last night that they might need to wait until the end of summer to visit and they’d have to Wait and see how I feel and what I want.
I'm with @ruby696 in that I definitely plan to send DD1 to daycare still once the baby comes. I mean sure there might be days she stays home or we get her early, but I will need time to recover and bond with the baby without feeling guilty that I'm "just sitting around" and not entertaining a toddler. Plus I think it will be good for her to keep her routine at daycare.
DD #2: May 2020
Baby #3: EDD May 2023; MC October 2022
@ruby696 I definitely have never thought of the "allow people to visit at the hospital so they leave us alone at home" and I find that interesting. I'm basically no one in the hospital and only come to my house if you're giving me food or cleaning haha. That won't be as easy now that we're close to family.
So, I know I had questions about toddlers visiting after delivery, but what do you do when you go into labor? Do hospitals have like childcare in case someone can't come watch them right away? My first labor consisted of my water breaking while I was asleep at 2:45am and DD was born at 5:06am. I'm nervous DH would miss something because he'd have to stay with DD if someone can't make it in time...
Obviously, this will be a question that I ask my hospital when I schedule the visit but I figured I'd hear your experiences, too!
Preschooler is in half day preschool, but it's seriously school-he is picked up by school bus, it's in a classroom at the grade school, and it ends in late May/early June until August. Toddler is just normally home all day. I'm a bit worried about (1) school still being in session, but only for 1-3 more days when baby arrives and struggling to get him to those last fun party type days, and (2) him suddenly being home all day for the summer (and it's his FIRST year, so he's never had to transition back to home for summer) and adjusting to new baby, and me being home alone with all three of them the whole time...
Husband has maximum 3 days he can take off. My mom will probably be in town to help for a couple weeks to help, but I won't have confirmation of those plans or her duration until that time.
DH: 32
Married 7/18/15
1st born at 35+4 on 6/6/16
Team green turned BLUE!
2nd born at 38+6 on 8/30/18
Team green turned PINK!
Due with #3 on 6/6/20 Team Green
Eta: forgot a word
I like visitors in the hospital and at home. With DD we only allowed immediate family up to the hospital and my best friend. Immediate family that couldn't make it to the hospital came to visit us at home in those first couple weeks as well as the rest of our close friends and my two aunts that live in town. DD was a November baby so most everyone else got to meet her over Christmas. You bet when my brother and his partner came and asked if I needed anything I had them wash the small amount of dishes on the counter while I did something (I don't remember what I needed to do, maybe shower?).
@drkoyya I agree with everyone in saying it depends. While I was tired during pregnancy, it was nothing like the tired I experienced those first few weeks. However we had major breastfeeding issues and and I was basically constantly awake trying to feed, pump and then hand express... on repeat. Once we switched to formula it was much better, but still really hard. I do not do well with lack of sleep and once we would figure out a routine, things would change and we needed a new routine. The Wonder Weeks app/book saved my sanity when DD would change things up on us. Instead of getting upset I would realize it was a developmental leap and be able to go with the flow more. While I loved every stage with DD, things for me only got worse and worse. My health started to decline around 5 months pp and it took me getting worse and worse until I finally found a doctor who would listen at 18 months pp!! I was not functioning well at all, with treatment finally, it took me until DD was 2.5/3 to finally feel like myself again. Now I look back at that time and I do not know how I did it. I got through it all, but at the expense of a lot of things.
- BFP: 3/10/16 — Baby Girl born 11/20/16
TTC#2 April 2019