Ugh, @jhysmath I have no advice, but hugs for support. That sounds awful and stressful. No thank you, don't fly her out and drop her on us, don't want. Sorry, not sorry.
_______________________________________________
Me: 33 DH: 32 Married 7/18/15 1st born at 35+4 on 6/6/16 Team green turned BLUE! 2nd born at 38+6 on 8/30/18 Team green turned PINK! Due with #3 on 6/6/20 Team Green
I just sent BIL a long ass text this morning now that he's gone and I'm at work. I told him that I'm hoping for a vaginal birth (hoping the word vagina makes him uncomfortable) and that having someone sitting around "waiting" for me to give birth will stress me out which studies show will prolong my pregnancy and I won't go into labor on my own. If I don't go into labor on my own I will need to be induced and my hospital will not do an induction for a vaginal birth after c-section so I will then need to travel to Dartmouth to be able to be induced and I would prefer not to do that. If for some reason there is a complication like this baby being breech like my daughter is and I do get a set c-section date I will not be able to climb stairs for two weeks (our bedrooms are upstairs and bathroom down stairs) so I will be sleeping on our couch and we will not have room for visitors. I will also not be able to go hide when I need to strip down to feed the baby in the first weeks you need constant skin to skin while feeding baby to keep them awake (might be stretching the truth, but it was needed with DD so I had to run to another room to feed my DD each time because I don't want to sit looking at MIL while feeding my baby).
I ended it with, Please do not plan anything until I've had a chance to heal this time around. I would really appreciate it.
Hopefully he's understanding, he's less of a mama's boy and actually read about baby development with DD and was telling MH certain things that DD should be able to do soon whenever we saw him. The down side is he's 49 and will always be a bachelor so I don't know if he has the empathy needed to put himself in a "new mothers" shoes seeing how he doesn't have a wife or children and never will, nor has he ever had a girlfriend. He's married to his work and always traveling.
I apparently wrote the time wrong for my appointment today and am here 45 minutes early 🙄🙄🙄 so I’m sitting in my car doing some work because why not. Also a work bitch we share an office building with another company, I am not and have never been a part of said company so why do I have to be there to get their deliveries? Why isn’t that on them?!
@jhysmath Good for you telling him how you feel and hopefully he respects your wishes. It sucks that your MIL kind of ruined your new time home with your DD and I hope that doesn’t happen again. Also LOL to your husband wanting his mother standing in your vagina as you give birth😂🤣
@jhysmath I think the text to your BIL is wonderfully written & you explained yourself well! Even though he probably can’t imagine what birth/healing is like, you were able to describe it medically for him to understand. Hopefully it works! I also know what it’s like to have a mama’s boy for a husband. He does everything that she says. He used to not be able to stand up to her at all, even if he didn’t want to do something. Over the years, I have gotten him to stand up to her or say no more, but it is still a struggle.
I found that the easiest way to draw boundaries for myself and my kids was to do it on my own. MH hates to be dragged between his mom and I because he doesn’t want to chose sides. I had to learn to be straight with MIL and tell her how it was regardless of how she might react or later say to MH. I’d always let him know ahead of time that I was going to talk to her and afterwards I’d rehash anything if he was concerned. Honestly MIL and I had a terrible relationship for the first 5 years. Once I started going to her and leaving MH out of it, we started to do much better.
She tends to try me once in a while, but as long as I’m quick to put her back in her place and remind her that it’s not going to fly, she backs off.
@jhysmath I laughed out loud at the "hoping the word vagina makes him uncomfortable" quote because that's totally something that I would do haha
I feel like I missed so much here just over a couple days! Work has been insanely busy. I'm regularly working 10+ hour days and still replying to emails at home. DH is in school so 2 nights of the week, I'm doing dinner and bedtime solo (which is obviously doable, but just exhausting haha). I don't pick DD up unless absolutely necessary because of the back and hip pain so sometimes she gets pretty needy and grumpy about that at night.
I have noticed that my exhaustion has been worse lately. I took my prenatals that have iron in them twice a day for the last few days and I'm not sure if it was a placebo affect, but I felt better. So when I do my grocery shopping today, I'll be focusing on some higher iron foods! Any suggestions??
@jhysmath I personally probably would've just lied about my due date by a few weeks, but that miiiight make me a bad person and maybe you handled it more like an adult haha so kudos to you! I hope your BIL understands and will respect your wishes.
With DD1 DH was so excited and while I was in labor kept asking when he should start telling his family (they were like 45 minutes from hospital). I told him he can just wait until baby is born because it's not like they're going to rush back the second she pops out anyway. But whatever he said to his dad and step mom they ended up showing up waiting in the waiting room which was super fun because we maybe see them once a year and aren't even on great terms so exactly the people I want seeing DD within seconds after she is born. Thankfully it worked out that she was born just after midnight and by the time we had our time together, breastfed, and they took her to clean her up it was probably close to 3 before we were in a room and they had gotten "too tired" and left so win-win I guess. I've already warned him this time that I don't want anyone knowing when I even go to the hospital (other than my parents because I'll probably have my mom in the delivery room with us again and my dad will most likely be watching DD1). With DD1 I was induced though and made the mistake of telling people so everyone knew when it was coming. Hoping I can go on my own this time, but if not maybe I'll just casually not mention I'm being induced to everyone else?
Last night DD1 had a huge tantrum because I told her to stop drinking bath water and if she did it again she was getting out. Well she did it again so we got out. She screamed for probably 20+ minutes just yelling "I want my daddy I want my daddy!" over and over (he had just gone out to the garage). So clearly she thinks she can get away with whatever she wants with daddy. She kicked me the whole time I was trying to dress her, kept running away, telling me to go away etc. Finally she came to me for a hug and wanted me to hold her. I told her it wasn't nice to kick me and she needed to apologize and also she kicked her baby sister and that's not nice either. So in between sobs she hugged me and said sorry and then scooted down to my belly and hugged my belly and said sorry. I'm not sure if this is just the age where the REAL tantrums start or if this has something to do with taking her binky away last week and now she doesn't know how to soothe herself when she's upset. She isn't asking for the binky or crying for it, but I'm still wondering if she still had it if this wouldn't have gone on quite so long.
@mokay19 Not sure if you eat this but organ meats (liver) are going to be the most nutrient dense. Red meats, spinach, pumpkin seeds are great sources of iron as well.
@bananapanda Oh man the tantrums. I’m sure it’s really hard to deal with that but hold your ground on no binky and maybe the tantrums will be a little longer and worse right now, but you will be glad that you held up once she does learn to self soothe without the pacifier.
@mokay19 My midwife recommended Megafoods Blood Builder. I really like them as an iron supplement because they don't back me up or make me puke. They also have vitamin C in them to help absorption. With iron I learned at a young age (I liked donating blood and was always low on iron) that I needed to up my vitamin C to be able to have higher iron. I also had to avoid calcium for a couple weeks going up to my donation because calcium makes me not absorb well.
Thank you all for the suggestions with MIL, I try to let MH deal with things involving her because she's one of those ones that will call up someone and cry and say that so and so did a terrible wrong to her or some sob story. She always makes it about her. For example, her friend's husband died, and she found out the day after from someone else and she sent her friend and facebook message saying that she was very hurt that she wasn't told directly from her and that she had to find out from someone else. . . I'm sorry but when a loved one dies I don't think my priority is to call all my friends and let them know someone has died.
@bananapanda I hate to be the one to tell you this, but this is just what 2.5-3.5 or so looks like. DS regularly cries for the other one of us when one of us is disciplining him/following through on a consequence like that. It's just something they need to learn to work through. Letting them talk about how they are feeling and offering empathy and comfort is really all that you can do. When DS gets to the point where he starts hitting/pushing/kicking, we usually tag the other parent in if they're around, and we back each other up so it's not just one of us "being mean" and that seems to help DS understand that he needs to calm down, and then we will talk about his feelings and give him hugs. Hang in there! Tantrums are hard, but they all end eventually and then our sweet little babies come back and make us forget that they were so terrible.
**TW**
Me: 35 | H: 40 Married Sept. 2013 DS1: Nov 11, 2016 MMC: 11/16/18 (9w6d) CP: 2/3/19 (5w3d) BFP! 8/24/19 DS2: May 10, 2020
@jhysmath I hope the text to your BIL works well for you. Sounds like a stressful situation that I hope is resolved easily. I liked @pirateduck suggestion of using the prepping for your NY trip as an excuse if the text seems to go no where.
@bananapanda I agree with @shamrocandrollabout the tantrum stage. 2-4 seems to be rough when they are trying to figure out hownto express themselves and gain some control/independence over situations. Sometimes it feels like a constant battle, but eventually gets better. Hang in there!
@shamrocandroll and @afranzen85 I think I actually prefer to hear that it's normal and not that we are screwing her up by taking the binky. I know tantrums are developmentally normal, but they've certainly ramped up the past week! Thanks for the support and hopefully she goes back to a relatively "normal" state before too long
@bananapanda my DD1 is 2y4m and I could have written your entire post. I think this is just a normal phase for this age. When I get super frustrated or upset with her behavior, I have to remind myself that 1) everything is temporary and no phase lasts forever, and 2) she's inherently and normally a really good, sweet kid and this behavior is out of the ordinary for her. It's really hard though, and I have a hard time remembering that it's not because I'm a bad parent.
In other news, I'm at Kaiser all morning for the 3-hour glucose test. Apparently because the numbers after my 1-hour test were so high, they actually had me wait while they tested my fasting levels to determine if they were normal enough for me to do the whole 3-hour. If they were too high, I would have gotten sent home right then. Luckily they were well within the normal range, so they had me stay. Just finished the drink and now I'm here for the long haul.
@soprano19 Same - I'm two blood draws in and one to go. So far only mild spells of nausea and no vomiting, so I think I'll make it through. I can't wait to eat something though.
Well, my first two draws were within normal range. Not sure what the third was, but I'm cautiously optimistic. It does look like I'm mildly anemic, so well see what my doctor does about that.
@ruby696 I'm glad your first draws were within the limits. From what I know being through this, you can fail one of the draws and "pass" and not be GD unless it's fasting draw.
BIL texted back that he was only asking for the date because he'll be flying into the state around DDs birthday which is at the end of May and he wanted to know if he should plan his trip for earlier or later and how long he should plan to be in the state (He has a house here and an apartment at his other office in MI, they also send him to Europe pretty much every other month for at least a week so he likes to plan out where he's going to be months in advance). He said that from what I said he will work on keeping MIL out of the state and away for the birth as well and that I should only have to worry about staying healthy and keeping baby healthy. I told him MH and I already fought about him flying MIL out and he said he would work on making sure they both know that it's not a good idea and they can see us this summer when we're in NY. I'm so thankful he's so level headed and understanding I should take things up with him more often than I do with MH
Good luck to everyone with their glucose test. I'm going next week during vacation at some point!
A fight broke out right next to me in the hallway today and my pregnancy brain had no proper reactions. It went from "oh look, children are scuffling" to "I should get the computer cart out of the way" to "guard the bump". Luckily a colleague had it together to call for security staff. Normal brain would have immediately picked up the phone. 🤦♀️
@jrouge12 Student fights thankfully don't happen often at our school. My first two years teaching though I broke up two different fights and all my students were shocked to see me run outside to break the fights up by myself. I'm at a tiny rural school with "good kids" who I truly believe would never hurt me or another teacher on purpose. I'm from a much larger school like 25 times bigger than this school and also a very urban school where fights would happen all the time in the hallways and you would just deal with it and push through, actually someone got stabbed recently there in a fight, so when I see two kids fighting here I feel like it's a just a joke.
@jrouge12@jhysmath we have fights occasionally at our school, but I generally don’t leave my classroom all day (including at lunch because I like to keep it open for kids) and am not aware of them. Music kids don’t tend to be the ones getting in fights, so I only hear about it after the fact when they come in gossiping after lunch.
Its hard to keep up with these randoms threads sometimes, and I feel weird jumping in coversations that are old, but I spit out my drink at "if he could have it his way she'd be standing in my vagina". Thank you for a good laugh @jhysmath
I couldn't find my shoe in my dream last night, I only had one shoe on for the duration of this long and very drawn out dream and I was very stressed about it. I woke up pleased to have two shoes to put on today.😂 sometimes it's the little things!
Ugh I do not know what clothes I'm going to wear post-partum. A) I plan and hope to breastfeed, B ) I get hot easily, C) I'm not going to be thrilled about my body, D) I don't want to spend a ton of money on these clothes I'll only wear for a few months. I'm due towards the end of May so it'll start getting warm pretty quickly after the baby is born (I live in Maine, so at least it shouldn't be too bad, but it also means I don't have central A/C).
I really like the tulip style shirts but you essentially have three layers of fabric over your front side.
Also let me bitch for a second about websites that call something a nursing top and don't show you how you actually access the boob!
DD #1: April 2017 DD #2: May 2020 Baby #3: EDD May 2023; MC October 2022
@catem07 I was just telling my friend this weekend that looking at nursing tops online makes me laugh because sometimes they show you nothing and sometimes they try to do a peek-a-boob thing that is only kind of helpful.
@emlettuce I definitely prefer nursing clothes. I have no qualms about nursing in public but prefer to do that in clothes that are made for nursing since they're often more discreet. I still have some from my first daughter, but most aren't that summery.
DD #1: April 2017 DD #2: May 2020 Baby #3: EDD May 2023; MC October 2022
@catem07 With DD I just invested in a lot of nursing tanks and layered loose t's, shirts, cardigans over top. It worked for me. It was nursing friendly, easy to dress up or down, and cost friendly.
Re: Randoms (2/1 - 2/29)
DH: 32
Married 7/18/15
1st born at 35+4 on 6/6/16
Team green turned BLUE!
2nd born at 38+6 on 8/30/18
Team green turned PINK!
Due with #3 on 6/6/20 Team Green
I ended it with, Please do not plan anything until I've had a chance to heal this time around. I would really appreciate it.
Hopefully he's understanding, he's less of a mama's boy and actually read about baby development with DD and was telling MH certain things that DD should be able to do soon whenever we saw him. The down side is he's 49 and will always be a bachelor so I don't know if he has the empathy needed to put himself in a "new mothers" shoes seeing how he doesn't have a wife or children and never will, nor has he ever had a girlfriend. He's married to his work and always traveling.
I feel like I missed so much here just over a couple days! Work has been insanely busy. I'm regularly working 10+ hour days and still replying to emails at home. DH is in school so 2 nights of the week, I'm doing dinner and bedtime solo (which is obviously doable, but just exhausting haha). I don't pick DD up unless absolutely necessary because of the back and hip pain so sometimes she gets pretty needy and grumpy about that at night.
I have noticed that my exhaustion has been worse lately. I took my prenatals that have iron in them twice a day for the last few days and I'm not sure if it was a placebo affect, but I felt better. So when I do my grocery shopping today, I'll be focusing on some higher iron foods! Any suggestions??
With DD1 DH was so excited and while I was in labor kept asking when he should start telling his family (they were like 45 minutes from hospital). I told him he can just wait until baby is born because it's not like they're going to rush back the second she pops out anyway. But whatever he said to his dad and step mom they ended up showing up waiting in the waiting room which was super fun because we maybe see them once a year and aren't even on great terms so exactly the people I want seeing DD within seconds after she is born. Thankfully it worked out that she was born just after midnight and by the time we had our time together, breastfed, and they took her to clean her up it was probably close to 3 before we were in a room and they had gotten "too tired" and left so win-win I guess. I've already warned him this time that I don't want anyone knowing when I even go to the hospital (other than my parents because I'll probably have my mom in the delivery room with us again and my dad will most likely be watching DD1). With DD1 I was induced though and made the mistake of telling people so everyone knew when it was coming. Hoping I can go on my own this time, but if not maybe I'll just casually not mention I'm being induced to everyone else?
Last night DD1 had a huge tantrum because I told her to stop drinking bath water and if she did it again she was getting out. Well she did it again so we got out. She screamed for probably 20+ minutes just yelling "I want my daddy I want my daddy!" over and over (he had just gone out to the garage). So clearly she thinks she can get away with whatever she wants with daddy. She kicked me the whole time I was trying to dress her, kept running away, telling me to go away etc. Finally she came to me for a hug and wanted me to hold her. I told her it wasn't nice to kick me and she needed to apologize and also she kicked her baby sister and that's not nice either. So in between sobs she hugged me and said sorry and then scooted down to my belly and hugged my belly and said sorry. I'm not sure if this is just the age where the REAL tantrums start or if this has something to do with taking her binky away last week and now she doesn't know how to soothe herself when she's upset. She isn't asking for the binky or crying for it, but I'm still wondering if she still had it if this wouldn't have gone on quite so long.
- BFP: 3/10/16 — Baby Girl born 11/20/16
TTC#2 April 2019DD #2: May 2020
Baby #3: EDD May 2023; MC October 2022
Thank you all for the suggestions with MIL, I try to let MH deal with things involving her because she's one of those ones that will call up someone and cry and say that so and so did a terrible wrong to her or some sob story. She always makes it about her. For example, her friend's husband died, and she found out the day after from someone else and she sent her friend and facebook message saying that she was very hurt that she wasn't told directly from her and that she had to find out from someone else. . . I'm sorry but when a loved one dies I don't think my priority is to call all my friends and let them know someone has died.
Married Sept. 2013
DS1: Nov 11, 2016
MMC: 11/16/18 (9w6d)
CP: 2/3/19 (5w3d)
BFP! 8/24/19
DS2: May 10, 2020
@bananapanda I agree with @shamrocandrollabout the tantrum stage. 2-4 seems to be rough when they are trying to figure out hownto express themselves and gain some control/independence over situations. Sometimes it feels like a constant battle, but eventually gets better. Hang in there!
@pirateduck @chewie5990 thanks! I brought my laptop and a book, so I’m alternating between working, reading, and playing games on my phone, lol.
Married Sept. 2013
DS1: Nov 11, 2016
MMC: 11/16/18 (9w6d)
CP: 2/3/19 (5w3d)
BFP! 8/24/19
DS2: May 10, 2020
@soprano19 hope everything works out and that your sandwich is delicious!
BIL texted back that he was only asking for the date because he'll be flying into the state around DDs birthday which is at the end of May and he wanted to know if he should plan his trip for earlier or later and how long he should plan to be in the state (He has a house here and an apartment at his other office in MI, they also send him to Europe pretty much every other month for at least a week so he likes to plan out where he's going to be months in advance). He said that from what I said he will work on keeping MIL out of the state and away for the birth as well and that I should only have to worry about staying healthy and keeping baby healthy. I told him MH and I already fought about him flying MIL out and he said he would work on making sure they both know that it's not a good idea and they can see us this summer when we're in NY. I'm so thankful he's so level headed and understanding I should take things up with him more often than I do with MH
A fight broke out right next to me in the hallway today and my pregnancy brain had no proper reactions. It went from "oh look, children are scuffling" to "I should get the computer cart out of the way" to "guard the bump". Luckily a colleague had it together to call for security staff. Normal brain would have immediately picked up the phone. 🤦♀️
I really like the tulip style shirts but you essentially have three layers of fabric over your front side.
Also let me bitch for a second about websites that call something a nursing top and don't show you how you actually access the boob!
DD #2: May 2020
Baby #3: EDD May 2023; MC October 2022
FTM
BFP: 9/5/19 ~ EDD 5/15/20
DD #2: May 2020
Baby #3: EDD May 2023; MC October 2022