@elk90 I have all kinds of sharp and dull pains that come and go in my abdomen - sometimes generalized, and sometimes in one spot on one side. I’m never quite sure if it’s RL, cramps or gas! All I know is that a lot of pregnant women experience similar pains/cramping that can be sharp or dull. My doctor said not to worry unless it becomes severe and accompanied by heavy bleeding.
@elk90 I’ve been having random aches and pains. Dull sharp. All kinds for a couple weeks now. My doc said it’s probably just everything moving around and expanding to places it’s never been before lol.
@elk90 I’ve had generalized aches and twinges for a few weeks (14w today). When I talked to my doc she said as long as it’s not severe, constant, accompanied by bleeding, that it’s normal. I’ve had trouble with constipation, too, so I’m sure some of the stretching, RPL, and accommodation pain has also been confused with gas and digestive pains, too. I try to drink a lot of water and take 4-5 Metamucil pills a day, which has helped. But I still get the aches sometimes and since my doc didn’t seem concerned I’m trying to just chalk to up to growing pains.
Not trying to dive back into a full on BF conversation again (maybe that topic should have its own thread?), but I have had very tender breasts since I was 3.5 weeks pregnant. That was how I knew, actually. I sometimes (rarely) have days where they are less tender than other days, but mostly they’re pretty sore all the time. Does this ease up at all later in pregnancy, or should I expect to have sore tatas for the next year or 2? Also, does the tenderness indicate anything about whether I will be more sensitive (or hopefully less sensitive) to BF?
@angemtn my first pregnancy I remember it just being pretty bad the first trimester and then easing up. My second pregnancy I had zero soreness, which I guessed was because I was still breastfeeding so the infrastructure was still there and nothing new needed to happen?
No idea about early soreness correlation to sensitivity later on, but my guess is that it’s not related. But I would say it’s fair to prepare yourself to be thinking about / dealing with your boobs in some capacity for the foreseeable future. 😕
@angemtn breast soreness during pregnancy is a positive indication that you won’t have issues producing milk. It means they’re doing what they’re supposed to and getting ready for milk. I don’t think it correlates to nipple pain/sensitivity though. I would think in 2nd trimester the soreness should ease up but I can’t really remember from my 1st pregnancy. In 2nd pregnancy and this pregnancy I haven’t had much soreness and I think that might be because I nursed so recently that they didn’t have to change that much. During breastfeeding itself I don’t remember them really being sore that much
@angemtn I agree with what the other ladies have said. It’s common for them to be pretty sore/tender early on then it should ease up. I remember avoiding hugging people when I was pregnant with DD because it hurt so bad lol. Not sure about correlation between soreness and milk production and/or pain with bf. I remember my LC mentioning something about breast growth during pregnancy being an indicator for something, but my boobs didn’t get bigger at all during pregnancy last time and I didn’t have any issues with production after she was born. Don’t quote me on that though.
@meanjellybean I wonder why your LC said that about breast size/size increase and milk production. It's been proven that there's no correlation between size and milk production.
That said, I really hope the whole breast soreness/milk supply thing is accurate b/c mine are sooooo sore still and it would be great to know I might not have issues with supply again lol. I'll have to ask our LLL leader in my other group. She's on the way towards getting her IBCLC too, so she's super knowledgeable.
@blaf322 my understanding is it's not about actual size, but about whether or not there were changes in the breasts during pregnancy that predicts milk production. So if you have no soreness and they stay the same size, it could possibly be an indication of a production issue. I wouldn't read too much into it though because sorness is subjective and size can change without being super noticeable. I guess it's just good to have a head's up that it's possible there would be an issue.
@blaf322 right, what @zande2016 said. Her question was about increase in breast tissue during pregnancy, not breast size overall. If that were true, I'd reallyyyyy be in trouble lol.
Thanks ladies! I’m hoping that the major increase in the size of my breasts means that they will be useful for something lol. It’s unbelieveable that I’ve grown out of almost every bra I own by at least 1-2 sizes already, in addition to the serious tenderness. They better be making a ton of milk!
Reviving this thread to ask - those whose LO's go to daycare, what things did you look for when choosing a daycare? What should FTMs look out for as warning signs? What other advice do you have about the whole process?
(just went on my first daycare tour and am overwhelmed already)
@b_1029 I totally remember being in your shoes! We toured several daycares when I was pregnant with DD and in each room they would ask if I had any questions and I'd be like "nope." Lol I just had no idea. And the tours usually do a good job of covering everything you want to know. For us, we toured three and they all seemed great, so we went more on feel and word of mouth from people whose judgment we trusted.
The first thing is whether you are looking for an in-home or a center. There's obviously pluses and minuses to both. In-home feels more like home obviously and a center feels more like a school.
Location - generally I feel like you want to pick somewhere closer to your home than work, in case you work from home occasionally, but this really depends on many factors like the nature of you and your partner's work and your hours, etc.
What if anything do they provide? Some places provide diapers, some provide meals as your child gets older, some just snacks. I honestly didn't think about this when we were looking and we love our daycare but it would be SO nice if they provided food lol.
How do they communicate with parents? A lot of bigger centers have an app and people like that.
For us, our daycare is a center but the administrators and teachers treat the kids and parents like family. You genuinely feel like they care about your child. When they are so little, and you are trusting a virtual stranger with their care, that's so important. We've had little things we've needed to address with them over the almost two years she's been there, but they always were receptive and wanted to do what was best.
Last thing is that places that provide child care are required to be licensed by some entity in your state or county. You can search your state's licensing website for their complaint and compliance history which is usually required to be public. Almost no provider is going to have a perfect record. Some complaints or compliance issues may not be that big of a deal - like they left the lid off a trash can or something. But if it's something serious, like lack of supervision or allegations of abuse or something, then don't be shy about asking the director/owner about it. They should be open to discussing all of that with you like they would any parent.
@b_1029 it is such an overwhelming experience! When it came to choosing a daycare for DS, some of the things we had considered were:
Location - close to home vs close to office. We preferred close to home. we commute by train or bike into our work, so it just seemed better if DS was still playing during our commute time, also didn't want to deal with potential tantrums on the way home.
Building Quality - we live in Canada, so it gets cold in the winter months lol.
Food options - I didn't want to have to pack a lunch for DS every day if I could avoid it for a few years. So they have a full on kitchen staff with a decent menu that gets rotated
Program/Schedule - any early education/development learning program they offer was a benefit (I think that's common though)
Outdoor exposure - how much time would DS get to explore/play outside. (this was important to DH, as he grew up in South Africa and was able to play in the trees like monkeys lol)
Oh and Drop off/Pick up times! I think our daycare opens quite early and stays open later than a few of the options we had
And of course, cost!
DH is an engineer so of course we ended up having a nice matrix/spreadsheet that we filled out after each daycare visit (we went to about 6 locations), and it was tough to decide!
This LO will be joining his brother there eventually, so I'm happy we won't need to go through that exercise again.
@b_1029 Here are the things I either noted/asked about or would consider if we were looking for a new facility now. It's going to seem like a lot but, often, they'll tell you most of this during the tour and you'll only end up having to ask a handful of things. I made a spreadsheet to help me keep track of things.
Ask about their star rating, but keep in mind that 5 star isn't always better than 4 star as far as care.
Are there cameras in each room (and can you pull them up to watch, remotely, if you want)?
What is their sick policy? If they have a fever but it's because of an ear infection (or something else that isn't contagious), do you still have to keep them out for another day?
What all do you provide? (sheets, snacks/meals, formula, diapers, wipes)... pro tip- you definitely want somewhere that provides food once they're eating table food. I feel like I got my nights back the day we stopped having to prep bottles and purees. If we had to continue to prep meals... nope! If they provide snacks and/or food, find out what a typical menu looks like. One place we toured only gave snacks and they were saltines and canned peaches... every. single. day. Give the kids some variety!
What's your allergy policy? Are they nut free?
What's the earliest/latest you can pick up and drop off?
Do you charge extra for early/late pick up/drop off (ours charges extra if you want to drop off before 8am)
Do you have a bite policy? (if a kid is biting, at what point do they get the boot... or will they ever kick a kid out for that?... Are there any other measures they'll take to keep a biter from continuing to bite? remember... the biter might end up being your kid so make sure you're okay with their policy, either way.
How do you handle parent communication for both daily things (like diaper changes, feedings, naps, and activities) as well as less frequent things (like school closures and reminders)?
How much is tuition for each stage of life? (most decrease in cost as the child gets older)
Do you provide employer (or military) discounts?
What kind of security do you have in place to keep someone from walking in and taking my child? We toured one facility that had a deadbolt unlocked and hanging from the gate where the kids play outside. They tried to tell me that it's a regulation that they have it unlocked during school hours. That's straight up bullshit. Look around and pay attention to doorways and such. Make sure you feel safe about the enclosure.
What's your policy on giving back unused milk? (ours has to throw out anything leftover in the bottle.... which hurts your soul when BFing... but it's not uncommon. Just something to consider)
I chose to also ask about things for when they're older because our plan is to stay with one place until she's in Kindergarten. Things like...
How do you handle discipline when a child is acting out/misbehaving?
What activities, if any, are provided when they're a little older (some bring in companies like Soccer Shots or music lessons... some provide it for free and some have it as an optional activity you can choose to pay to participate in)
When they leave daycare to head to Kindergarten, what do you expect them to be able to do, academically (some examples: write their name, address, phone number, site read some words, etc.)?
Other tips:
Just see how you feel about the teachers and the class in general. If your gut is saying something is off, just go with it. You'll never be able to shake the feeling. For example- we didn't choose one daycare because it was straight up chaos in the 3yo room (among other reasons) and, my biggest concern was, kids were being mean to other kids (which is normal) but it was completely unaddressed by the teacher. Another we saw was fine, but I felt like the teachers were just acting like babysitters. If I'm going to pay an arm and a leg for care, I want you to be doing more than just watching them play.
Like @meanjellybean suggested, look up their visit notes for violations when the state came through for evaluations (both planned and surprise visits).
@blaf322 wow, such a good list. I agree that if you plan to bf, then def ask bf-specific questions. Just be aware, though, that they may look at you like you have two heads, which is pretty normal lol. But are they open to listening when you talk to them about paced bottle feeding, etc? That's what's important. I had quite a few conversations with DD's infant teachers about it, but they always were receptive.
And definitely agree that you want to be observing how the teachers are interacting or not interacting with the kids in each class. Do the teachers look miserable to be there or do they look checked out? If so, that's a red flag.
@blaf322 that's insane that one place said they had to leave the door open during business hours!! Our licensing regulations require that any door that would allow access to children to be locked at all times, and they have to have a protocol around letting people in and out (like a passcode on the door). Yikes.
@meanjellybean yeah... she straight up lied to my face bc ours is the same. They were also the ones that only gave canned peaches and saltines for snack and the teachers acted like babysitters. It was a Goddard School too (if y’all have those) so I went there expecting magic 😂
wow thank you all so much - this is so helpful! luckily the place I went today checked a lot off the lists...I don't know how to look up violations though?? Either way - THANK YOU!!!
@blaf322 That's a great list! I wonder if it's too late to ask my kid's daycare those questions (she's been there for over 3 months lol). I might have been too chill about picking a daycare, I asked absolutely none of those questions lol. So @b_1029 go with her list. We went by mainly word of mouth, a lot of our friends' kids are at DD's daycare and are happy with it.
@mrsdrez if it makes you feel any better, my bestie is type-a and had her first a little over a year before I started my daycare search. All of the questions I asked them came from a list she sent me lol. Several of the things (like, handling bites) are things I would want to know about, now that I have experience.
@blaf322 That does make me feel a bitttt better lol. I mean we toured the place and they answered some of those questions. DD was so excited on the tour, she vibrated every time she saw the other kids. We went for visits before she officially started and everything was good. They have gardens in the summer and grow their own food, a dietitian makes the menu, we pay by the hour so if she's not there we don't pay, etc. etc.. Lots of really great things and we definitely got good vibes. (I did make it sound like I just dropped her off and was like "peace" haha). Also I was on mat leave until she was a year so I think that makes a difference.
Chiming in late, but it looks like all of the questions I asked have been covered! Do you guys think it's worth creating a separate daycare thread? I remember being SUPER overwhelmed when trying to make this decision as a FTM. It might be nice to have a dedicated thread where everyone can ask specific questions/give advice.
@mrsdrez omg... that daycare sounds amazing! I looooove that they have things other than just academics (like the garden!) I have some daycare envy right now lol
I think if we are going to do a daycare thread we should do it so Monet rather than later. We had to get on a waitlist at 8 weeks pregnant to have a spot by October. I can’t imagine I’m the only one in that situation.
FYI, I did create a dedicated childcare thread this morning. I plan to take the questions listed above and compile them in that thread later today for anyone wondering what to ask when touring centers, but... we'll see if that actually happens.
Re: The Great Question Thread
No idea about early soreness correlation to sensitivity later on, but my guess is that it’s not related. But I would say it’s fair to prepare yourself to be thinking about / dealing with your boobs in some capacity for the foreseeable future. 😕
https://www.gardenoflife.com/content/product/dr-formulated-daily-prenatal/
That said, I really hope the whole breast soreness/milk supply thing is accurate b/c mine are sooooo sore still and it would be great to know I might not have issues with supply again lol. I'll have to ask our LLL leader in my other group. She's on the way towards getting her IBCLC too, so she's super knowledgeable.
(just went on my first daycare tour and am overwhelmed already)
The first thing is whether you are looking for an in-home or a center. There's obviously pluses and minuses to both. In-home feels more like home obviously and a center feels more like a school.
Location - generally I feel like you want to pick somewhere closer to your home than work, in case you work from home occasionally, but this really depends on many factors like the nature of you and your partner's work and your hours, etc.
What if anything do they provide? Some places provide diapers, some provide meals as your child gets older, some just snacks. I honestly didn't think about this when we were looking and we love our daycare but it would be SO nice if they provided food lol.
How do they communicate with parents? A lot of bigger centers have an app and people like that.
For us, our daycare is a center but the administrators and teachers treat the kids and parents like family. You genuinely feel like they care about your child. When they are so little, and you are trusting a virtual stranger with their care, that's so important. We've had little things we've needed to address with them over the almost two years she's been there, but they always were receptive and wanted to do what was best.
Last thing is that places that provide child care are required to be licensed by some entity in your state or county. You can search your state's licensing website for their complaint and compliance history which is usually required to be public. Almost no provider is going to have a perfect record. Some complaints or compliance issues may not be that big of a deal - like they left the lid off a trash can or something. But if it's something serious, like lack of supervision or allegations of abuse or something, then don't be shy about asking the director/owner about it. They should be open to discussing all of that with you like they would any parent.
@b_1029 it is such an overwhelming experience! When it came to choosing a daycare for DS, some of the things we had considered were:
Location - close to home vs close to office. We preferred close to home. we commute by train or bike into our work, so it just seemed better if DS was still playing during our commute time, also didn't want to deal with potential tantrums on the way home.
Building Quality - we live in Canada, so it gets cold in the winter months lol.
Food options - I didn't want to have to pack a lunch for DS every day if I could avoid it for a few years. So they have a full on kitchen staff with a decent menu that gets rotated
Program/Schedule - any early education/development learning program they offer was a benefit (I think that's common though)
Outdoor exposure - how much time would DS get to explore/play outside. (this was important to DH, as he grew up in South Africa and was able to play in the trees like monkeys lol)
Oh and Drop off/Pick up times! I think our daycare opens quite early and stays open later than a few of the options we had
And of course, cost!
DH is an engineer so of course we ended up having a nice matrix/spreadsheet that we filled out after each daycare visit (we went to about 6 locations), and it was tough to decide!
This LO will be joining his brother there eventually, so I'm happy we won't need to go through that exercise again.
- Ask about their star rating, but keep in mind that 5 star isn't always better than 4 star as far as care.
- Are there cameras in each room (and can you pull them up to watch, remotely, if you want)?
- What is their sick policy? If they have a fever but it's because of an ear infection (or something else that isn't contagious), do you still have to keep them out for another day?
- What all do you provide? (sheets, snacks/meals, formula, diapers, wipes)... pro tip- you definitely want somewhere that provides food once they're eating table food. I feel like I got my nights back the day we stopped having to prep bottles and purees. If we had to continue to prep meals... nope! If they provide snacks and/or food, find out what a typical menu looks like. One place we toured only gave snacks and they were saltines and canned peaches... every. single. day. Give the kids some variety!
- What's your allergy policy? Are they nut free?
- What's the earliest/latest you can pick up and drop off?
- Do you charge extra for early/late pick up/drop off (ours charges extra if you want to drop off before 8am)
- Do you have a bite policy? (if a kid is biting, at what point do they get the boot... or will they ever kick a kid out for that?... Are there any other measures they'll take to keep a biter from continuing to bite? remember... the biter might end up being your kid so make sure you're okay with their policy, either way.
- How do you handle parent communication for both daily things (like diaper changes, feedings, naps, and activities) as well as less frequent things (like school closures and reminders)?
- How much is tuition for each stage of life? (most decrease in cost as the child gets older)
- Do you provide employer (or military) discounts?
- What kind of security do you have in place to keep someone from walking in and taking my child? We toured one facility that had a deadbolt unlocked and hanging from the gate where the kids play outside. They tried to tell me that it's a regulation that they have it unlocked during school hours. That's straight up bullshit. Look around and pay attention to doorways and such. Make sure you feel safe about the enclosure.
- What's your policy on giving back unused milk? (ours has to throw out anything leftover in the bottle.... which hurts your soul when BFing... but it's not uncommon. Just something to consider)
I chose to also ask about things for when they're older because our plan is to stay with one place until she's in Kindergarten. Things like...- How do you handle discipline when a child is acting out/misbehaving?
- What activities, if any, are provided when they're a little older (some bring in companies like Soccer Shots or music lessons... some provide it for free and some have it as an optional activity you can choose to pay to participate in)
- When they leave daycare to head to Kindergarten, what do you expect them to be able to do, academically (some examples: write their name, address, phone number, site read some words, etc.)?
Other tips:And definitely agree that you want to be observing how the teachers are interacting or not interacting with the kids in each class. Do the teachers look miserable to be there or do they look checked out? If so, that's a red flag.
@blaf322 that's insane that one place said they had to leave the door open during business hours!! Our licensing regulations require that any door that would allow access to children to be locked at all times, and they have to have a protocol around letting people in and out (like a passcode on the door). Yikes.
We went by mainly word of mouth, a lot of our friends' kids are at DD's daycare and are happy with it.