@pocketrose unless you're prone to blood clot issues, I wouldn't worry about it. Just get up a time or two during the flight and move around. The biggest concern with long flights is having a blood clot form from sitting too long.
@Pascal86 man, I hope I figure out this magical position this time lol... I didn't make it long, at all, with nursing so it definitely won't be like riding a bike or anything this time. But, at least I'm mentally prepared this time, ya know? I feel like there's a lot to be said for that, for me anyway. With my PIO for DD, I felt like it was the WORST. Like, dreaded it ever night. This time, not that bad because I knew what was coming and that it would end.... it wouldn't feel like forever.
@pocketrose doc recommended them when I flew recently. I hate them but maybe they help.
A little follow up on my booty pain question earlier, had an appointment today and doc said all sounded normal, just a combo of constipation and stretching. Told me to up the Metamucil and call if it gets worse.
I also asked about heart rate when exercising and specifically if I should stay below a certain rate and she said no. She said her rule is to exercise at a pace that feels good and accept that now is not the time to achieve personal bests as far as speed, etc. So that made me feel good about resuming my running now that I’m feeling better.
@blaf322 I BFed until I was a little over a month pregnant, and I kind of thought it’d be like riding a bike... but BFing a 16 month old feels so much different than a newborn, I was caught off guard and it kind of felt like back to square one!
I feel you on the expectations - I didn’t really have issues with BFing but so many friends did, and they said it was so rough to deal with all the newborn stuff and then this thing they thought would be a non-issue was all-consuming. Hope it’s at least mentally easier this time!
@Pascal86@blaf322 I agree, I think (or at least I hope) it will be better at least mentally since this isn't the first rodeo. With the first, everything feels so high stakes, it's nice to now have the perspective to know that things will be fine, baby will grow, things will get better (until the next crisis, anyway lol). But I can say that now, then the cloud of postpartum hormones descends and who knows what crazy shit I'll be saying!
@meanjellybean the hormones... if that isn't the truth, I don't know what is. I went into BFing the first time with the attitude of, if it works for us, great. If not, I have no problem with her being exclusively FF. Then my doctor made a comment about how they see that BF babies tend to get over stuff a little faster and my crazy PP brain took over and I couldn't allow myself to stop. It's such a mind f*ck.
@meanjellybean totally - it also helps that when you have another kid, you just don’t have the mental bandwidth to stress over the newborn as much. I mean, total net stress will still be the same, just more distributed among both kids! 😂
Just jumping in on the painful BF discussion....IF the latch is nice and deep and there's nothing going on inside (because latch can be off on the inside due to things like tongue ties, which might not be visible on the outside), it shouldn't be excruciating. Yes it will be sensitive and irritated while your nipples get used to it no matter what. But if you're curling your toes and crying with every latch, something is wrong. Nipple shield will help with the pain but can affect supply if you're not careful and baby can become dependent on it. For me, my 1st had a tongue tie and could only latch w/ nipple shield so I never experienced the pain. # 2 was able to latch just fine without a shield but within 2 days of life my nipples had blisters, bled, and I was in terrible pain crying every time we started a session. Got his tongue and lip tie lasered and the pain went away instantly. I know ties are not always an issue but if the pain is unbearable there is a really good chance something is off with the latch or off inside and the LC might not be able to tell just from looking at the latch on the outside.
@blaf322 I even had a LC check the flange sizes while I was pumping once because it was so painful! Dang it- i never even though about using nipple cream on them.
@zande2016 that's all fine, and trust me, I heard that a million times when I was new to bf'ing. But telling a new mom "it shouldn't be painful" just contributes to the overwhelming guilt and pressure that they may feel. I know I felt it every time someone said it to me. "Your nipples will get used to it and toughen up!" Well they didn't. "Maybe she has a tongue tie!" She didn't. "Using a nipple shield will affect your supply, maybe she's hungry and that's why she's crying." Well, I EBF'd until 14.5 months with a nipple shield. My baby just cried a lot in life. She still does.
Basically, I agree that if it's painful then you should go to an IBCLC or other expert to make sure there aren't underlying issues, but maybe sometimes it just hurts.
The bf discussion is helpful to me. It's also a little terrifying but I need to know more. Several women in my family didn't make milk at all so not sure what boat I'll be in when the time comes.
@zande2016 great insight! I had some (I think) normal cracking but nothing major. I really think some people are just tougher than others or have less sensitive nips. We didn't deal with any ties or latch issues (that ANY of the LCs I saw could tell). I think I just wasn't ready for that kind of pain because everyone told me it shouldn't hurt.... but, frankly, your nips are going from 0-1,00,000 the minute you pop out a baby. It's no wonder it's painful and maybe some just handle it better. Who knows! But I'm hoping this time goes better
@bluguitarhannah I have the same worry. My mom couldn’t BF any of us, she just really struggled. I also think I have a lot more access to LC and other supports that she just did not have. But it definitely stresses me out to know several women in my family had a lot of struggles.
I don’t have much to add about bf because I never did it past 4 months. Just wasn’t for me. Just wanted to add that sometimes an LC will tell your to power through and they even check for issues but it’s good to get a second opinion. My son was born with a severe lip and tongue tie. I was in so much pain and he was eating constantly but was told he didn’t have any ties. He got his ties revised at 7 weeks and then it was almost impossible to keep nursing. Had I been taken seriously in the hospital, I would have dealt with it quicker.
Going off of what @blaf322 said, I do think it truly is different for everyone and people's pain tolerances and whatever else come into play. I think I have a pretty high pain tolerance. I gave birth to DD unmedicated (not trying to be braggy about that, I'm just saying I can handle pain), but for me the pain with BF and milk coming in and rock hard boobs was significantly worse than labor pains. Maybe part of it was never having experienced it before, but honestly I'm sort of dreading those initial weeks based off my previous experience. I would like to try BF again, and I plan to take advantage of the resources available to me, but I'm going into it putting WAY less pressure on myself this time. I know the toll it can take on my mental health, and I'm not going to feel any guilt if I switch to formula again this time. Honestly I wish that we as a society didn't put so much pressure on moms to BF. The guilt associated with not being able to, not wanting to, etc. can really suck.
For the FTM worried over BFing, I'll tell you this... - educate yourself as much as you want to. Take the advice that makes sense for you and leave the stuff that doesn't (the book, "The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding" recommends LICKING your NB's head to help bond/build the BFing relationship. Licking. Needless to say, my friend, who read the book, passed on that advice lol). I didn't read up on much of anything. I asked a lot of questions of the LLL leader we have in the group, but that's it.
-whatever happens, whether it works for you guys or doesn't, your baby is going to be just fine. DD is just as healthy, now, as the FF babies, the ones who always supplemented, and those who EBF for 2 years.
I know it won't matter once you're hormones are all crazy. But just try to keep it in the back of your mind. You have support (here and through professional LCs, should you choose) and whatever you end up doing is totally okay.
@blaf322 LICKING?! Omg 😂 As if them living off of your nipples isn’t enough to create a bond.
I second what you say about not putting too much pressure on yourself. BF is hard. Even if it goes perfectly smooth from day one, it’s still a rollercoaster of a ride. Definitely educate yourself because A LOT of pediatricians are clueless about BF. An IBCLC or even some breastfeeding groups on FB are amazing resources of information. Give yourself some grace. You’ll figure it out. And if you don’t, that’s ok too. Formula was created for a reason by a lot of very smart people!
*Mamas who struggled with BFing, ignore this* I also want to add at this point that other than being a little painful for the first couple of weeks, I had literally no issues breastfeeding and it was fine. I didn’t love it, but it was fine. I had a friend encourage me to take a BFing class before birth and I was like, no thanks, I’ll cross that bridge if it’s an issue.
Just want to throw this out here to remind FTMs that BFing isn’t necessarily going to be a struggle, it can be a non-issue! I have mad respect for moms who worked through exhausting and frustrating issues to BF, or who found other good ways to feed their babies. But just remember that it might be totally fine and easy and you will get to deal with some other crazy-making issue like sleep problems or weird poops or something instead!
As long as you lick your baby regularly, everything will be fine.
Will pass on licking my babe. Thankfully not, but almost as bad as vaginal seeding (I’m just gonna let people who really want to know look that one up 😬). I am nervous for breastfeeding. But hoping to take the nurse side of bf classes prior to having baby. (I can do basics but not troubleshoot) So hoping that helps but I know the moment I deliver I will need all the help in the world 😂 (my mom is manager of the lactation clinic so I think that’ll be beneficial)
I'm going to jump in on the BFing posts....maybe not to add anything new, but I BF both of mine. My DD (my first) was super painful those first few weeks, but once we got things figured out we were good and BF for 14 months. My son was in the NICU, so I pumped for the first few days and then nursed him. He was a champ once he got the hang of it but had reflux, so had to get that under control. All I'm saying it every baby is different. The one thing I'm hoping to do this week is keep an open mind and to keep up my pumping longer than I did (I was burnt out from pumping with both by 10 months or so)
Both kids took bottles while I was at work, I pumped for them and started introducing milk in their bottles mixed with breastmilk around 10-11 months. My friends highly suggest the freemie cups, they will work with most pumps I believe. We can talk pumps closer to delivery, but there are SO many out there.
nursing was one of my favorite things those first few weeks with a baby. It is exhausting, but it's a special bonding time (and an excuse to stay on the couch for hours haha). But as others said...if BFing doesnt work, that's fine too, FED IS BEST.
@LaurenAsh23 thanks for reminding me of the big struggle I did have with both babies... they would NOT take bottles for the longest time, which was a nightmare when I went back to work. This time around I hope to get them to practice with bottles early and often, but I am all ears for anyone who overcame bottle-refusers.
So far the methods I’ve tried are a) let the baby scream for 8 hours non stop several days in a row while I’m at work and they’re being watched by grandparents and b) worked remotely from the community center attached to my daughters’ daycare so I could just BF her every hour or two until she learned to finally take a bottle... after two months of that.
the bottle struggle is one I do worry about if I'm able to nurse. Man, there's always something lol. Regardless, we'll get it worked out so I'm trying not to stress too much
@Pascal86 I think that’s such a good point. Don’t be scared away from BF! I had a similar experience to you, little pain in the beginning, but otherwise fine. It basically becomes a lifestyle after a certain point. I’m going on 22 months of BF my DS and it’s been a crazy but wonderful experience!
FTM chiming in just to say thank you all for sharing your BF stories and perspectives. It's unbelievably helpful. Honestly I hadn't thought much about the reality of BFing before and now I a little queasy lol. But I used to feel this way about L&D too and have learned more and feel better now. Appreciate you all!
Question for those who work outside the home - did you introduce pumped milk and the bottle to babe before going back? How far in advance?
@nursejenn5 I put epsom salt in my bath the other day and didn’t even think about it. I’m so terrible this time with thinking about maybe I shouldn’t use this anymore kind of thing...I think maybe it’s because it’s been 4 years since I was pregnant. I’m always like oh maybe I need to look that up... after the fact 😬😳
Also, I used the cream as well early on for nursing and pumping just to be sure because with my first I didn’t do that at first and it did hurt to pump and nurse. With my first I overproduced or at least produced a lot more than my second. For some reason with my second I could not pump unless I had her on my other side. It was this whole mental thing. I hope it’s not like that this time.
@mehugg we practiced with a bottle for each baby at like two weeks old, once... hence our issues getting them to take a bottle later on, when I needed to go back to work. My husband was always like, “why would I feed her a bottle if you’re right here?” And I was like, “no f-ing way I’m pumping to make a bottle for no good reason.” So it didn’t happen. And I regretted it so much! But I hear other people doing the same thing and their babies took bottles just fine when the time came. My girls never took pacifiers either, I guess just have a very specific taste for real boobs only. 🤷♀️
Re: BF and pain, I agree with @zande2016 - it shouldn't be excruciating. You shouldn't expect that BF won't be painful. A sensitive body part is suddenly going to have a lot of pressure and touch and friction on it; it might hurt while you adjust to all that. But it shouldn't be horrible pain. Something wrong is happening if there is. And maybe you'll want to figure out what's wrong and are able to make a change, and maybe you'll just decide that you'd rather not stress about it and feed your baby another way.
How much it hurts definitely varies from person to person, but it should get better after the first week or two. And BF shouldn't make you bleed or have cracked nipples or cause severe pain - there's something "off" if you're dealing with that. And it's not your fault! There are people who can try to help if you want, and don't be afraid to get a 2nd (or 3rd) opinion. Or to just move on to pumping or FF.
Even if you just hate the feeling of BF or don't want to deal with it, it's OK. It's not some sort of failure. Feed your kid formula and move on. Are there benefits to BF? Yes. Are there benefits to figuring out whatever combination of BF/pumping/FF works for your family? Of course! I think new moms need to have healthy expectations of what BF "should" and "shouldn't" be like, but know that there is variation within that. And decide ahead of time - before the hormones kick in hardcore! - how hard you want to pursue BF and have a plan in case you have trouble, whether it's to try pumping, which LC to meet with, whatever.
2/13 Blighted ovum, D&C -- 6/13 MC -- 8/14 DD born -- 3/17 MC -- 9/18 DD2 born Expecting again -- EDD 7/27/20
@mehugg Yupp, definitely wanna make sure that baby will be able and willing to take a bottle once you’re at work. Obviously, it depends on when you’re going back to work and how your nursing experience/relationship is going. My personal experience was that my son had a 2-night stay in the NICU. He received a combination of pumped breast milk/formula through a bottle, as well as nursing, so he had a small introduction to bottle right off the bat. After we were discharged, he was EBF and I didn’t try the bottle out until around 4 weeks (rough guess). I was lucky in that he took right to it with the first bottle choice. We used the glass Philips Avent. After that, I would just sporadically give him a bottle when I felt like pumping to keep him used to it. I was still nursing him like 95% of the time though. Never any issues when I went back to work, thank goodness.
I also had a bottle refuser and it was miserable! Definitely keep them use to a bottle if you plan on going back to work. DD2 had her first few feeds from a bottle with formula because she was in the NICU. We just assumed since she took one in the hospital she would be fine after, so didn’t worry about giving her one. When I went back to work she refused all bottles. It was so stressful to get home from work and be stuck nursing for hours, especially with another kiddo running around and wanting to play
@mehugg I’m planning to intro a bottle once this baby’s latch is well established and give them periodically just to make sure we don’t have issues with him not taking it when we want to go out at night or when it’s time to go back to work. With DD, DH and I would trade off nights for who handled her bedtime routine so, what I’ll probably do is pump milk for him on those days so I can spend that time downstairs, in peace, by myself. That’s the plan... we’ll see how it works out lol
@meanjellybean I absolutely was not saying your nipples will toughen up just deal with it. The opposite actually. If it’s the type of pain that brings tears to your eyes and makes you want to quit, your nipples won’t just toughen up and get used to it. It means the latch is off or something is going on. Sometimes a baby just has a small mouth and needs time to get the latch right. Sometimes there’s a structural issue. An LC can help with either. To me it is helpful to hear this pain you’re in isn’t normal and let’s try to fix it, because when I’m breathing through every latch trying not to cry and some one tells me oh that’s normal you’ll get used to it, that makes me feel worse.
Anyway, I am was just saying the level of severe pain, cracks, bleeding etc is not just your nipples getting used to it. I get it that tons of women feel that pain in the beginning but that doesn’t mean it’s supposed to feel that way. Every IBCLC I’ve spoken to has said the same.
@zande2016 I agree that if there’s pain (or any issue really), a new mom should see an LC. If you read my previous post, that’s what I did. And there wasn’t anything “wrong” with her latch. Still it was too painful to not use a nipple shield, even weeks after she was born. The anxiety I felt from the first LC telling me using a nipple shield would gradually tank my supply was enough to make me just want to quit, so I’m glad I started seeing another one who told me if my goal was to continue bf, to keep using the shield and see what happens, that it woudlnt necessarily decrease my supply. That support was priceless and didn’t make me feel like I was shortchanging my baby. That nipple shield was literally my lifeline lol and if I had kept being told what you said, that it would decrease supply, I probably would have just quit. I hope this time will be different and I won’t have to mess with the nipple shield, but I think it’s a valuable tool that moms shouldn’t feel bad about using.
@meanjellybean I said the shield *can* decrease supply, which is true, but am all for it if that’s going to help you. Like I said I used one with my first, actually for about 5 months until I was able to wean him off. And I was told I should pump to protect my supply, but I did not because it was just too much to handle, and my supply was fine. So same experience you had. It’s still a possibility though, just depends on baby and how well they’re able to move the milk with the shield, so it’s something anyone using one should be aware of.
Hey, ladies. I’m currently 11+3. Just wondering if anyone else has been having dull aches in their lower abdomen? Every once in awhile I will get sharp pains on the sides more, and I’m sure that RL pain, but this other ache I have is more central. I’m hoping it’s from stretching and growing. I’m also a plus sized girl, so maybe that adds more pressure? I’ve also been having lower back/tailbone pain. Just wondering if anyone else has experienced something similar.
Re: The Great Question Thread
@Pascal86 man, I hope I figure out this magical position this time lol... I didn't make it long, at all, with nursing so it definitely won't be like riding a bike or anything this time. But, at least I'm mentally prepared this time, ya know? I feel like there's a lot to be said for that, for me anyway. With my PIO for DD, I felt like it was the WORST. Like, dreaded it ever night. This time, not that bad because I knew what was coming and that it would end.... it wouldn't feel like forever.
A little follow up on my booty pain question earlier, had an appointment today and doc said all sounded normal, just a combo of constipation and stretching. Told me to up the Metamucil and call if it gets worse.
I also asked about heart rate when exercising and specifically if I should stay below a certain rate and she said no. She said her rule is to exercise at a pace that feels good and accept that now is not the time to achieve personal bests as far as speed, etc. So that made me feel good about resuming my running now that I’m feeling better.
I feel you on the expectations - I didn’t really have issues with BFing but so many friends did, and they said it was so rough to deal with all the newborn stuff and then this thing they thought would be a non-issue was all-consuming. Hope it’s at least mentally easier this time!
Basically, I agree that if it's painful then you should go to an IBCLC or other expert to make sure there aren't underlying issues, but maybe sometimes it just hurts.
5.5.16 | 8.14.17 | 1.30.19
- educate yourself as much as you want to. Take the advice that makes sense for you and leave the stuff that doesn't (the book, "The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding" recommends LICKING your NB's head to help bond/build the BFing relationship. Licking. Needless to say, my friend, who read the book, passed on that advice lol). I didn't read up on much of anything. I asked a lot of questions of the LLL leader we have in the group, but that's it.
-whatever happens, whether it works for you guys or doesn't, your baby is going to be just fine. DD is just as healthy, now, as the FF babies, the ones who always supplemented, and those who EBF for 2 years.
I know it won't matter once you're hormones are all crazy. But just try to keep it in the back of your mind. You have support (here and through professional LCs, should you choose) and whatever you end up doing is totally okay.
Just want to throw this out here to remind FTMs that BFing isn’t necessarily going to be a struggle, it can be a non-issue! I have mad respect for moms who worked through exhausting and frustrating issues to BF, or who found other good ways to feed their babies. But just remember that it might be totally fine and easy and you will get to deal with some other crazy-making issue like sleep problems or weird poops or something instead!
As long as you lick your baby regularly, everything will be fine.
Both kids took bottles while I was at work, I pumped for them and started introducing milk in their bottles mixed with breastmilk around 10-11 months. My friends highly suggest the freemie cups, they will work with most pumps I believe. We can talk pumps closer to delivery, but there are SO many out there.
nursing was one of my favorite things those first few weeks with a baby. It is exhausting, but it's a special bonding time (and an excuse to stay on the couch for hours haha). But as others said...if BFing doesnt work, that's fine too, FED IS BEST.
So far the methods I’ve tried are a) let the baby scream for 8 hours non stop several days in a row while I’m at work and they’re being watched by grandparents and b) worked remotely from the community center attached to my daughters’ daycare so I could just BF her every hour or two until she learned to finally take a bottle... after two months of that.
Question for those who work outside the home - did you introduce pumped milk and the bottle to babe before going back? How far in advance?
Also, I used the cream as well early on for nursing and pumping just to be sure because with my first I didn’t do that at first and it did hurt to pump and nurse. With my first I overproduced or at least produced a lot more than my second. For some reason with my second I could not pump unless I had her on my other side. It was this whole mental thing. I hope it’s not like that this time.
How much it hurts definitely varies from person to person, but it should get better after the first week or two. And BF shouldn't make you bleed or have cracked nipples or cause severe pain - there's something "off" if you're dealing with that. And it's not your fault! There are people who can try to help if you want, and don't be afraid to get a 2nd (or 3rd) opinion. Or to just move on to pumping or FF.
Even if you just hate the feeling of BF or don't want to deal with it, it's OK. It's not some sort of failure. Feed your kid formula and move on. Are there benefits to BF? Yes. Are there benefits to figuring out whatever combination of BF/pumping/FF works for your family? Of course! I think new moms need to have healthy expectations of what BF "should" and "shouldn't" be like, but know that there is variation within that. And decide ahead of time - before the hormones kick in hardcore! - how hard you want to pursue BF and have a plan in case you have trouble, whether it's to try pumping, which LC to meet with, whatever.
Expecting again -- EDD 7/27/20
My personal experience was that my son had a 2-night stay in the NICU. He received a combination of pumped breast milk/formula through a bottle, as well as nursing, so he had a small introduction to bottle right off the bat. After we were discharged, he was EBF and I didn’t try the bottle out until around 4 weeks (rough guess). I was lucky in that he took right to it with the first bottle choice. We used the glass Philips Avent. After that, I would just sporadically give him a bottle when I felt like pumping to keep him used to it. I was still nursing him like 95% of the time though. Never any issues when I went back to work, thank goodness.
With DD, DH and I would trade off nights for who handled her bedtime routine so, what I’ll probably do is pump milk for him on those days so I can spend that time downstairs, in peace, by myself. That’s the plan... we’ll see how it works out lol
https://kellymom.com/hot-topics/sore-nipples-breasts/