Weekly randoms (10/22-10/26)

megpants209

@cmjenkies you are a better person than I for sure. If he wouldn’t be fired for it, I’d do it in a heartbeat. And legitimately the only reason I wouldn’t want him to be fired is potential child support. Usually I say take the high road but damn, I think with this I’d have to fight fire with fire. 

bww_0331

@cmjenkies wtf. I’m so sorry. What an ass. You have more will power than I do. I would report it to HR. Fuck both of them. 

cali1710

@cmjenkies you’re a better person then I am. Id be burning his world to the ground. I hope youre Holding up ok. Take care of yourself and the kiddies 

becks_726

I admire your level-headedness @cmjenkies. 

febmum

@cmjenkies what a colossal slimebag to do this to you. I'm so, so sorry you are going through this.

sjnsjnsjn

Both of them are complete garbage obviously.  The thing is, you know now that he is a garbage person and will move on (which all is goddamn awful and I am so sorry), and this dips-t and work dumpster fire will obviously not work out, and he's gonna be just another divorced, single POS dad who cheated and failed at all the things.  He deserves a kick in the teeth for being such a pathetic cliche of disgustingness.  I am so so sorry for you dealing him and this, especially now.

allthingsgo

@cmjenkies that is absolute bullshit! I’m so angry for you. Like others have said I hope you have support with you to help you get through this awfulness. I can’t imagine how someone can do that and put their family through this. So very selfish-both of them!

eggsandwich2019

What a piece of garbage @cmjenkies I am so sorry you have to deal with this shit. I definitely echo everyone else, get a lawyer ASAP - sending you hugs 

PurplePoppy424

@cmjenkies OMG. I just raged over here for you!!! Who the hell does that to their pregnant wife? He’s scum and she’s just as bad. You are a way better person than me because that would have been the first thing I’d have done. I’m so sorry that you’re going through this. 

hannahbananas11

@cmjenkies You've got this. He's a selfish piece of shit cockroach. You, on the other hand, are strong and resilient. This will be hard, so please take care of yourself right now, or try to be around people who can take care of you. All of us are here for you, and all of us will continue to concoct the most creatively ugly things to say about him in the meantime. 

etnyah

Wow @cmjenkies. That B must be something special to do what she did being a mom herself. I can't wrap my head around sleeping with someone when you KNOW they have a pregnant wife and kids at home. Sounds like a friggin catch! 

I'm impressed with how mature you're being regarding his workplace, that's some incredible self restraint. It'll definitely be better in the long run for you and your kids to be as civil as possible. You got this!! 

okayestmom12

becks_726 said:

I admire your level-headedness @cmjenkies. 

This. Precisley this. Because I can’t say with total certainly that I wouldn’t have already called/ emailed/ sent smoke signals to his work to alert them to his bullshit behavior. 

shellperry

@cmjenkies move on! Get a lawyer and clean him out!! Anyone that fucken selfish isn’t worth your time. I no it hurts and I no your in pain but he’s shown you how much he actually values you and your children. He’s not worth you pain or your love. You already have 2 amazing kids and now will have another fill for full custody and child support. There are plenty of amazing men out there that actually respect women and a relationship. If you can do this to you he’ll do it to her karma will get him in the end. Right now take care of you and your kids.what state are you in? 

smallbutmighty77

@cmjenkies unless it'll get him fired and f with child support,  you should report it, or get someone else to so it doesn't trace back to you. He doesn't deserve the courtesy you are giving him. I would have marched my ass into his office by now, told that B off, walked into his boss, told him and made sure his boss knew that you would appreciate he keep his job, bc you plan to get every penny you are owed and it would be very hard to do that if he was unemployed,  but you have no issue with the woman being let go for her role in this. Ugh. I am far more vindictive than you.

hnbergeron

@cmjenkies first off, I am sorry you are dealing with this now. I may get flamed for this but here goes. I have never been in this situation so I don't pretend to know it all. I just hope you have peace about whatever happens. And I thibk you are doing the right thing holding off going to his work. It sucks, the entire thing sucks but he told you what happened which is more than I assumed would happen. Is he a good dad to the kids you have now? Is he there when they need him? I know this is said often but thinking about thenkids involved(which it sounds like you are). Do you want them to know you took the mature high road or do you want them to see the pettyness that can come from an ugly divorce. I grew up with just my dad and never knew my mom because of the divorce. She was petty and caused alot of grief. Although I did not comprehend everything(I was 4), I knew something was wrong. Until I turned 28 my mother was never brought up. We were not allowed to talk about her or ask questions. It was torture. My cousin told me everything. Not even my dad or grandmother. I am sure it is hard to not be petty when there is so much hurt and anger. But you are doing great and are strong. It sounds like you are processing this to the best of your ability. Just keep holding on, know people(even creepy internet people) have your back and will support you. Continue setting that great example for your kids

cmjenkies

Thank you all so much for your love and support and snark 

Some background info/answers to questions:
-I am in Indiana. They will not grant a divorce until the baby is born, if that is the route that is chosen.
-I am the primary breadwinner - I outearn him by almost double. I’m worried they would want me to pay him.. but surely not?
-He is a good dad, but he has no idea how to do all of the logistical things involved in child care. I don’t know that he could manage 3 on his own. (Heck, I doubt my ability to do the same.)
-I can’t take him for everything he has because we don’t have much. We are in debt and have a small savings which is supposed to be covering me for a part of my maternity leave. I’m not sure what will happen as far as bills and things go. I carry our whole family on my health insurance and our phones, car insurance, etc is together. I will have to sell my van and find a vehicle that is older so I can afford the payments on my own.
-I have asked him to please consider coming with me to counseling and he isn’t sure that he wants to. I’m going regardless.

sjnsjnsjn

@cmjenkies- Good for you on the counseling.  If nothing else, maybe the counselor will know of resources for you that are specific to this situation. One thing I know, no matter how hideous this is, is that you CAN do it.  Unfortunately, this sounds kind of familiar to me, because my father left my mom for another woman (with whom he worked as well) when I was an infant, and I am the 3rd of 3 kids.  My mother definitely did not have it easy but she did it, and raised three successful, relatively emotionally together humans, all of whom are pretty great parents.  Lean on every resource you can find!! Sending strength to you.

danixbanani24

@cmjenkies I’m glad you’re getting counseling because this is definitely a horrible situation to be going through on top of pregnancy.  I am flabbergasted at the audacity of people.  I also waffle between wanting to set him on fire and taking the high road.  I know the high road is better but dammit sometimes emotions run so high you just need to let the aggression out. Hang in there girl.

etnyah

@cmjenkies Sounds like you're in a good position for this kind of situation (if there's ever such a thing as "good" related to this shit pile). You have the income, and he's the one who fucked up. I think it's really telling that he's not even willing to go to counseling with you, sounds like he's the type of person who likes to avoid difficult - but necessary - conversations. If not, he would have told you he wasn't happy months ago instead of talking to some bitch at work. He's a spineless weasel, drop him like a hot potato as soon as you are able. 

Like @sjnsjnsjn, this sounds really familiar to me as well. My dad left my mom for his coworker (who also happened to be mom's best friend, it was ugly). They had four kids age 3 - 13 at the time. Mom was a SAHM so she was in a financially dire situation, had to go back to school while working a low paying full-time job AND raising four kids on her own (dad would take us on the very occasional weekend when he felt like it). We all turned out fine, and mom now has a job she loves and is very happy with her life in general. If it feels like you're drowning now, know that you can get through it! 

shellperry

@cmjenkies you will not have to pay home because he is the one who caused grounds for the divorced it’s going to go off his income alone cens you carry the health for the children ... FYI you can ask a judge to make it where he has to pay half also the amount he pays is based off the number of Childern you have if u google you and put in his income for your state and the number of children you have and it will show you roughly the amount you’ll get. Also even I you conecider joint custody I recommend you ask for 60 in your favor and 40 in his mean the kids primary residents is your address and you remain primary parent. You can also choose to keep him on your medical or not.do everything though the court do not trust a verbal agreement. Stay stroung as for single parenting my father raise 8 of us on his own my mother left befor my first birthday she desired she didn’t want to be a parent anymore so I no you got this.

cali1710

@cmjenkies you are a very strong woman. You got this! I think its great you’ve decided to do counselling even without him. As previous posts have said lean on any resource you can. Xo

kayjay44

@shellperry - Infidelity isn't grounds for an at fault divorce in every state, unfortunately.

That said, I would still consult an attorney so you know what your options are even if that isn't something you end up pursuing. And counseling for you for sure.

Also, fuck that motherfucker.