Weekly Questions 2/19

coffeecocktailsandcake

If you're underweight, have weight fixation, or are having difficulty gaining weight or have worries about it and are looking for someone who shares the same concerns or difficulties it's a completely valid concern and I hope you can find what you're looking for here.

calimom2524

@coffeecocktailsandcake I sure hope you aren't suggesting I attacked anyone for bringing it up, I was simply warning it's a sensitive subject and may not be welcomed with open arms. 

missybutler94

I see that weight has already been mentioned in this post so I'm going to post my question here, I don't want to start a separate thread if it would be inappropriate!

I had my 16 wk appt today and got told to "watch what I eat" and handed a chart that shows I'm on track to gain 42 lbs this pregnancy. It was extremely frustrating to me because I don't feel that I have been overeating or eating very unhealthy things, and I also don't like sweets yet, however I eat what I want. I'm not going to start depriving myself of pizza when I want it or stop myself from eating an entire sandwich if I want to. I was also upset because I have a history of an eating disorder and my doctor knows that. I am at a normal weight for my height.

my question is, what would you ladies do? I'm considering switching doctors or just having a conversation with mine to remind her of my past issues and to please not say anything unless she thinks the weight gain is due to pre eclampsia or something of the sort. I just don't want to get into it with her and I also don't want to get lectured about weight gain this entire pregnancy. With DD I gained about 40-45 lbs and never got talked to, so this is new for me. Sorry for the long rant.

mrsbubbles-2

@missybutler94 I am so sorry that happened to you! I have never heard about any chart that says what you will gain your entire pregnancy being remotely accurate at 16 weeks. Weight gain during pregnancy isn’t consistent week by week, I don’t get it. If you are otherwise happy with your doc I would bring it up during your next appointment. Again, just sorry you had to deal with that.

missybutler94

@mrsbubbles-2 thank you! It's okay, I definitely found it strange and I don't remember any chart like that with my DD. I think I'll just remind her at our next appointment that it's a sensitive topic for me and unless it's really out of hand to just let me be! And never to give me one of those charts again!

lalala2004

@missybutler94 I’d be pissed. I don’t know that I’d switch doctors, but I would ask a lot of questions and make them feel like an asshole, especially considering you have past struggles they know about! But I wouldn’t blame you for switching. I gained 50 my last pregnancy and my doctor did say a word to me.

scottishlass1213

Wow yes I have never heard of a chart like this either! I gained 40lbs with my first and to be honest didn’t feel like it was out of control at all and i wasn’t just eating junk either. 

dirtanddiamonds

I have put on a TON of weight with each kid and I’ve never been warned about my weight. I don’t think 42 is ridiculous.  I think it’s normal. 

coffeecocktailsandcake

@missybutler94 with my first pregnancy it was at about this time they told me I was on track to gain a certain amount of weight, and they were right on.  I think it's quite possible to predict that if you gain more in the beginning and continue on the trend you can expect to gain x amount.  

I would take into consideration how much you were able to lose after your other pregnancy.  If you were able to return to a healthy weight I think you've got the experience to know what your body can and can't handle healthily.  

From my personal experience I put on a large amount of weight because of hormones.  A great deal of it was water.  My first trimester I started retaining.  I freaked because I was worried.  I tried to curb my diet but I already ate healthily and was moderately active.  It didn't slow down.  I ended up preeclamptic which explains some of it.  However six weeks post partum I had lost fifty pounds.  I continued losing weight after that even.  My body wanted to put that weight on.  I haven't had the same experience with this pregnancy so I'm hopeful I won't gain the same amount because it does take a toll on your body.  But if I do I'm not going to freak out like last time because I know my body and know what I'm capable of.  You know yours, go with your gut instinct.

shri929

@missybutler94 I’m with @mrsbubbles-2 I’m not sure you can always so easily predict, not every week is consistent. With DS some weeks I gained nothing, others 4 pounds. I also don’t think 42 lbs is something to write home about. I’d be mad and call your dr out

princesslockness

@missybutler94 With both of my Little’s, I lost over 50lbs before week 20 then gained it all plus 10 in the last 18-20 weeks.

Weight is an odd thing in pregnancy and lactation. Some lose it easily, or gain by the handful. No rhyme or reason to it usually-that I can figure out.

coffeecocktailsandcake

The way they "predict" is similar to a scatter plot in that it shows trends, so it's not a specific week by week or any mathematical formula.

@princesslockness you lost 50 pounds before week 20? That would be so rough.  My body definitely felt like it was in a shock state when my weight started dropping.  I'm glad you added in lactation there.  Lactation can really mess with your ability to keep on or lose weight, depending on what your goals are.

Basically, I see the positive pregnancy test and throw my hands up, lol! 

missybutler94

Thank you ladies! I was really upset earlier but all of your responses have made me feel less crazy for being upset! I told DH and he wanted to march in there and tell my dr off. @lalala2004 I am definitely going to bring it to her attention at the next appointment and let her know I felt it wasn't appropriate. Honestly if I continue to have this issue I will be switching Obs because I know there has to be one out there that is more aware of the fact that everyone is different and there isn't a one size fits all approach to pregnancy weight.

elsieisamoocow

@laufisch I got the Halo Bassinest when it first came out for DS. I loved the idea of it, and it worked for a bit, but he basically refused to sleep anywhere if he wasn't in our arms or touching us, so I'd usually just put him in there when we went to bed and when he inevitably woke up a little while later, I'd just bring him into bed. Now they have a newborn insert for it that seems to make them feel more cuddled, so I'm planning to buy that, as well as a mobile, and hope that they help this one actually want to sleep in it. We'll see! I do recommend buying one secondhand or with a good coupon just in case, though.  

@missybutler94 I have also never heard of a chart like that! I would be upset if my doctor said that to me, and I haven't even struggled with an eating disorder. That's very insensitive of your doctor and I would bring it up at the next appointment for sure. 

@princesslockness whoa that's a lot of weight to fluctuate in such a short amount of time! I can imagine how hard it was on your body. I'm glad you mentioned lactation weight too. I've had a complicated history with my pregnancies, but with DS, I had gained only 10-12lbs when he was born at 30w4d and lost it all by my 6 week checkup. But once my body actually succeeded in producing milk (we had a rocky start due to 6.5 weeks in the NICU) I gained a good 20lbs, which my body held on to despite diet and exercise, until he weaned at 14 months. I felt SO self conscious about it because I had never heard of people gaining while nursing, but once I learned that I'm not the only one that happens to, I felt better. 

derbysquirrel

Weight causes me so much anxiety, and I'm glad we're able to discuss it here. I'm the only member of my family that isn't obese, and it's always been a struggle for me to stay fit. I'm terrified that I'm going to gain a ton of weight and it'll never come off. Hearing other women's stories makes me feel a whole lot better! It's still very hard for me to accept weight gain over the 25 lb "target" but I'm starting to be able to let it go to some extent. I know that weight can be a sensitive topic, but to me that's exactly why we need to be able to discuss it frankly. 

I gained about a pound a week for the first 12 weeks, and then dropped 5 between then and my appt at 15 weeks. I have no idea how much I've gained since then, but my bump has grown dramatically in the past week and a half, so I'm sure I'm gaining again. 

coffeecocktailsandcake

@derbysquirrel, it can be ok.  All of my family has struggled with weight and I am the only one who has managed a fit lifestyle.  I felt for sure my pregnancy was going to be different than theirs, so when I started gaining weight so rapidly I was upset and dwelled on it WAY too much.  My body just did what it did despite my efforts.  My ancestors must have really needed to store water....like camels...lol.  I felt so self conscious.  Now I look at pictures of myself and think "You were freaking adorable.". I left the hospital at the same exact weight as going in.  My first picture at home I looked full term but that's not what I see, I see this perfect little baby curled on my chest and I'm smiling and proud.

I've had other friends who can't lose the weight until after they wean.  It's their body's way of ensuring the baby has a supply if it needs it.  

By all means eat healthy and exercise.  But if you're not experiencing what you THOUGHT you would, don't carry the extra worry day to day.

aj1327

I’ve put this somewhere else but I gained 50 with my first and my doctor never said a word. Would I like to gain less this time. Obviously. Am I obsessing over it? No. It is what it is. 

@missybutler94 I’d be pissed. 42 pounds is considered in the normal range anyway. So what difference does any of that make? I’m glad you’ve decided to talk to your doctor. I was mad for you when I read your post. 

@derby-squirrel just be kind to yourself. I honestly can’t imagine only gaining 25 lbs while pregnant.  I guess some people do, but I’ve yet to meet one. It’s definitely hard watching your body change and being unsure of what you’re left with, but it will matter so much less when you have the baby. And you’ll get back to where you were. It may take time though, so give yourself that. I remember crying when DS was 6 weeks and I couldn’t fit into my Pre pregnancy jeans. That’s a crazy expectation that I put on myself! 

Firemanswife11

@derbysquirrel same story about my family. But I was actually obese up until 8th or 9th grade, and lost 100 pounds on my own. I've kept it off other than gaining 60 with DS and it took me much longer than I'd hoped to lose (but that was truly my fault. I fell off the wagon). I know what "mistakes" I made after birth last time and I fully intend to take better care of myself post-pregnancy this time. Also, I'm working out this time (didn't last time) and I'm gaining at the exact same rate. 

I completely understand your fear and while it may not seem real to others, for those of us who are terrified of weight gain and "never being able to lose it," it is a VERY real and valid fear. And, it's okay. 

@coffeecocktailsandcake hahaha I laughed about the camels thing. I definitely weighed 4 pounds MORE this morning than yesterday and I drank a TON of water yesterday. I also had a big taco Tuesday dinner but...it was the water. Lol!!! 

And finally @missybutler94 42 pounds is totally normal. It seems scary to think of it in the small picture but big picture, that's fine. And your doctor sounds like an insensitive jerk. I'm sure you can tell by all the stories here that everyone gains weight differently during pregnancy. Some gain more, some gain less, and it's really all up to your body. You just have to trust it to do what it needs to do. 

mrsbubbles-2

I love that we're having this discussion. On the topic of weight gain and loss, I found this thread from another BMB. There are good points that even once the weight is lost, your body might look different after baby

https://forums.thebump.com/discussion/12720372/the-topography-will-have-shifted

Firemanswife11

@mrsbubbles-2 The way this conversation has gone (vs "how much weight have you gained") is the way these kinds of discussions need to go, IMO! Go us. 

ETA: on the link above ... my rib cage got bigger and so did my hips. Also, I still have a linea nigra from my son, and he's 3.5 lol. Those things don't bother me too much, honestly. 

mrsbubbles-2

@Firemanswife11 - YES!!! I our group, we can have all the serious talk and then flip the switch and gif it up.

BTW here's a pygmy goat for anyone that needs it this morning:

missybutler94

@derbysquirrel I can't imagine only gaining 25 lbs with pregnancy either! But that's just not the way my body handles pregnancy at all. Try not to worry so much about the number, I really feel like your body will put on what it needs!

@Firemanswife11 it's so interesting to hear that you are gaining at the same rate working out this time, and shows that it's a healthy rate for your body.
Im hoping to start working out again this week.

I had a long conversation with my DH last night about what my doctor said, and we read some articles together about pregnancy weight gain, and like you ladies are all saying, it really seems it's different for everyone, and that your body is going to put on what it needs to grow a baby, no matter what. Which we should all be SO thankful for! 
My husband joked that I should tell my dr whose baby I am growing, I'm 5'2'' and he's 6'3'' and just a bigger boned person. I'm not sure if that really has anything to do with me gaining more than the recommended 25-35 but it gave me something to think about. 

I know with my DD at the end I put on so much water weight, and then had to have an IV in the hospital, so that of course made it worse! @amac12999 I was no where near in my pre pregnancy jeans until my baby was at least 4 months! And I had already weaned at that point because of a severe case of mastitis. 

Thank you all for your kind replies, I feel so much better and just can't believe my doctor made me feel that way when it seems like there is so much information available saying each woman is different when it comes to pregnancy weight gain. I'm so glad we are able to support each other!

lolog531

I just have to say that I love the way this conversation is going about weight and pregnancy. Everyone and every individual body is SO different, and pregnancy can effect us all in different ways, including body changes and weight gain/loss. It makes me happy that we can discuss it without judgement, fear or criticism!

Weight is a very sensitive thing for me as I struggled for years with an ED, my weight has fluctuated so much over the years and I was terrified when I first got pg with DS. I gained about 20-25lbs, but I was already overweight according to BMI and then got diagnosed with GD, so once I had to follow that diet, the gaining definitely slowed. I'm staying away from the scale (or trying to at least) this time around so I don't obsess over it. Baby just wants carbs, but I'm trying to still make smart choices. At the end of the day, your body is going to adjust how it will, and it is doing AMAZING things - no one should criticize you, especially a medical professional, during th

princesslockness

It hasn't really come up yet, but BMI isn't meant to determine individual health. It is meant to help see health in a population. I guarantee that the short strong marathon runners don't fit their BMI into a health range. 

melbel0824

I'm thankful for everybody's input on weight gain during pregnancy. I'm mentally struggling some right now, not because of gaining weight, but because I'm in that stage where I don't always look pregnant but more like I had too many bagels. I know it will even out in the next couple of weeks, but it makes finding clothes that I feel good in difficult right now.

I do have a question though. An acquaintance of mine announced her pregnancy on FB last week and mentioned she was finally getting her rainbow baby. I reached out to her via text because I didn't know about her previous miscarriage and I wanted to congratulate her and tell her how brave I thought she was for putting it out there. But I also didn't tell her I was pregnant because I didn't want to steal her thunder. Do you think I should text her before we do a FB announcement next week? We're not super close, but we're friendly.

lakesideknitter

princesslockness said:

It hasn't really come up yet, but BMI isn't meant to determine individual health. It is meant to help see health in a population. I guarantee that the short strong marathon runners don't fit their BMI into a health range. 

Very true. I am a very muscular distance runner (was also a competitive swimmer for 15 years), I manage a fitness center (personal trainer and teach tons of different group exercise classes), and my BMI says I'm Obese. Body fat percentage and activity level are much better indicators of individual overall health.

hezzer78

@melbel0824 Do you see her outside of FB? Like do you guys hang out and stuff? I think if it's just a casual FB acquaintance, it's not super necessary to tell ahead of time.. If you're a little closer than that, it may be up to you. I don't think it would hurt anything... although it may be awkward if you're not close. 

dirtanddiamonds

On the topic of how our bodies look after baby (even after the weight is lost) - maybe I’m crazy but I’ve always thought I look better after each kiddo. I can’t quite explain it. But I look back at my teen years and 20’s and AGGHHH. Lol. It does get harder to get back in shape as I get older and with each kid but it always happens and I am always pleased with how I turn out. Lol. 

Firemanswife11

@lakesideknitter my BMI says I am borderline obese. It's definitely muscle lol. I have even lifted up my sleeves and shown my doctor my arms before when they wanted to talk to me about weight. Lmao. Ridiculous. They shouldn't even look at BMI for people who are athletic, IMO. 

missybutler94

@melbel0824 I agree with what @hezzer78 said! If you see her outside of FB or text her often enough it would be nice for you to reach out and say something before you guys announce. If not I wouldn't worry about it! She should understand that you were waiting for the same reasons she waited to announce and I wouldn't be offended if I were in her shoes, depending on how close you two are.

lolog531

I understand that BMI is a very outdated tool and not the best way to categorize overweight, obese, etc. I probably should not have referenced it in my post as I know it was discussed here previously and many voiced how inaccurate it was.
I was not working out at all when I got pg with DS, so I know my body fat was also not great, nor was my overall physical health. My comment with the BMI was just stating that I was/am overweight, almost obese, so between that and the GD diet I believe played a factor in how much I gained.

neeraja_k

It's refreshing to hear everyone's weight gain/loss stories. Right now I'm struggling with the general insecurities of being a big girl already, but now they're ramped up with pregnancy driven insecurities. I'm 5'3", stocky, muscular, big boned, plus a chubby middle thanks to PCOS. I used to lift weights in high school and college, and my arms and legs are so much more masculine looking than my husband's. Imagine the stereotypical Germanic beer maid and you'll see me. :P 

So I've been trying to come to grips that I'm only "supposed" to gain no more than 25lbs according to my doctor. Honestly I think the BMI needs to be taken out back shot, gutted, and burned. It just feels unrealistic considering my body does what it wants despite the best of my abilities as far as diet, exercise, and being on metformin. My belly just looks fat still, no real bump, which at midway of 13 weeks is becoming depressing. Without any real quintessential pregnancy symptoms, some days it doesn't even feel like I'm really pregnant. So I'm torn between thinking "my body does what it will do" and "I must fight it"...but in all honesty I'm already feeling tired of fighting. Trying to keep my blood sugar under control I feel like I'm barely eating and I'm always hungry. Between dietary concerns and food aversions, I feel like I'm eating the same foods every day and I'm so bored of it. The next 6+ months are going to be rough, I think.

Prior to pregnancy I was losing weight, finally. It was slow, but it was progress in the right direction. I don't really weigh myself at home as it usually just invites negative thoughts, but so far every weigh-in at the prenatal appointments has been a loss. I'm just afraid that at some point it's going to start going in the other direction and I won't be able to stop it. Weight loss in general is so hard for me, since I'm fighting my body and metabolism every step of the way, that post-partum weight loss scares the literal hell out of me. 

I don't normally obsess about my weight or my body, I just try to do the best I can and if I lose weight, great. Only now, it feels like there's more on the line than just me, and there is now. So I can't disappoint. Nothing real informative here, just general venting. And thankful that I'm not the only one. 

legallykate

I'm glad we are sharing but sad so many of us (including myself) are struggling with body/weight issues right now. I finally decided to just stop weighing myself at home. Seeing how much I was gaining wasn't helping me in any way, and getting weighed monthly at the doctor will suffice. Luckily my practice has consistently told me that they do not focus on weight unless it becomes an actual issue for my health or the baby's. I have been eating a lot healthier for the last week or two since MS subsided and I have more energy, but I am really trying to focus on eating for health/energy and not to slow down the gain, which is a lot easier when I am not weighing. 

vinerie

@Firemanswife11 I got the prescription for Fioricet and I take as needed. I can't wait for these pg headaches to go away!

scottishlass1213

I'm having a hard time with the loss of muscle tone right now given how fit and in shape I was just months ago.  I know I will be able to get it back, but I am still having a hard time with not even being able to do certain things already.  

Firemanswife11

scottishlass1213 said:

I'm having a hard time with the loss of muscle tone right now given how fit and in shape I was just months ago.  I know I will be able to get it back, but I am still having a hard time with not even being able to do certain things already.  

Meeee toooo.  

kburg15

I’m feeling so much solidarity with everyone going through these body/weight issues. My midwives live and die by BMI which is incredibly annoying. My goal weight gain my first pregnant was “15-20 lbs” and I gained 25 because I was terrified of disappointing them. Granted, I was overweight at the time. At the start of this pregnancy I weighed 30 lbs less than at the start of my last pregnancy and she still mentioned my weight was “higher than they’d like to see it” and that my target weight gain was “20-25 lbs.” They also make everyone keep a food journal for 5 days starting in the second tri. I just hate all the body and weight talk. Let me live!

missybutler94

@kburg15 that sounds terrible! I would not be able to do that at all or handle that mentally. do you love your midwives for other reasons or are you unable to switch? That sounds so stressful. You should be able to live and enjoy pregnancy and accept what your body craves/does during this time! That is what I keep telling myself. 

alinafed

Has anyone ever had birth photography for a previous birth, or is anyone considering it this time? I found a photographer I like and everything but now that the deposit is due I am getting cold feet. Giving birth twice was the most bad-ass thing I've ever done and this third time will be my last chance to document it... but I don't know if I will want such a private moment photographed. Then again it is just for me as a reminder of how kick-ass I am so really why am I so unsure? I feel like I am more likely to regret never doing it than doing it. Any thoughts?

calimom2524

@alinafed I did not and I wish that I did. Some of my close friends have had birth photography and I am MAJORLY jealous of the photos they have. It captures the birth in such a beautiful and artistic way.