October WTO - Page 2 — The Bump
TTC After a Loss

October WTO

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Re: October WTO

  • vlagrl29vlagrl29 member
    edited October 2017
    @aga31 most people test by 12DPO which is when I get my AF which in theory should turn a test positive.  BUT it's more like 28DPO by the time I turn a test positive - about the time I should be O'ing in the next cycle.  I had a CP at 5 weeks - HCG was around 350 at the highest then it started to lower.
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • I see, so you mean 4 weeks post ovulation. could you do a clomid after a cycle of using bc or condoms? and then do it every other cycle like that?
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  • vlagrl29vlagrl29 member
    edited October 2017
    @aga31 exactly - That is our plan even though DH thinks I'm a bit cray cray.  We will take a rest in Jan or use pull out method but avoid during FW - I would go with avoid lol. Then start clomid or Femara in Feb.  Do every other month for a year  - how exciting is that! - sarcasm.  By then I'll be 38 and say screw it - it aint meant to be.
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • @leahcimmichael FX your HSG helps! 

    @vlagrl29 With my second, I had a "period" at 12dpo as well. Full on bleeding, definitely not implantation bleeding. I didn't test because I thought it was my period but 4 days later, I felt off and got a bfp. 
    Ivy: July 2010  |  Stella: Dec 2012  |  BFP#3: MMC at 11Wk's, July 2017 | Wyatt: April 2019 | BFP#5: Twin Girls due Sept 2020

  • Tested this evening and I FINALLY got a positive opk!! Just in time too, as DH flys out Thur morning. 
    Ivy: July 2010  |  Stella: Dec 2012  |  BFP#3: MMC at 11Wk's, July 2017 | Wyatt: April 2019 | BFP#5: Twin Girls due Sept 2020

    aga31ELeighMayleahcimmichael
  • Well officially out. CD1. Moving on!
  • sprkls8506 Sorry you're joining the period party, but maybe this is our month. Hang in there girl. 
    sprkls8506
  • Period Party. Haha!!

    Had to reschedule my mammogram and u/s too so that’s Tues. Gotta go when u know ur not pregnant. I hope some day I will say all this torture of waiting was totally worth it.  :|
    ELeighMay
  • sorry @sprkls8506 - I ask myself the same thing?  hopefully it will be worth it.  I'm getting to old for this lol.  Pretty much why I will find a specialist soon for a backup plan come Jan.  Even with that though I don't want to do too much because we lack much cash flow and we already have a kid so we will be just one and done.  If we didn't already have one we'd probably go more into it.

    GL @robyn2201
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • I will keep trying but I seriously hate that it’s been a year. This month was extra hard. Next month we are doing Disney and the timing is during our trip. Nothing I love more than walking around Disney for 12 hours then “working” -as we call it.  ;)
  • sprkls8506 That one year mark was really hard for me too. I think it's because everything is based on "normal". It's "normal" to take up to a year TC. Once that year hits and you still have a BFN it's like, ok, this isn't cool anymore. Where's my take home baby? I waited the required 12 months... It just sucks. 
    sprkls8506
  • If only someone could say yeah sure you will get pregnant in 3 months...then I could handle the wait. The unknown is the worst. 
    ELeighMayleahcimmichael
  • sprkls8506 The unknown is always the worst. My DH and I set a deadline of December of this year as our end date for TTC and I'm scared to death about only having two more shots at this. Even if all the stars align, his stupid fish decide to cooperate, and we hit the O timing perfectly there's still only a 20% chance it'll happen. Those are crappy odds to begin with. We'll see how it goes. 
  • @ELeighMayFX for you!! The whole process of all of this is just so stressful and frustrating. Then I have to hear about people like the Duggars who live to have babies. Or people who don’t even care about the kids they do have! 
    ELeighMay
  • sprkls8506 Isn't that infuriating? I get added by our friends teenagers on Snapchat. For some reason they think I want to be included in their drunken teenage shenanigans...anyway, one of which happens to now have a 6mo and most of her snaps are of her boyfriend handing her a joint. I lose my s*** EVERY TIME. How is this fair? We're trying so hard and here she had an "oops" and this is the life she thinks this little guy deserves. She's otherwise a great mom, but it still makes me question the universe. 
  • @sprkls8506 even though it's been a year and yeah that sucks I'm feeling much less stressed about it than I was even just 5 months ago and even less stressed about it a year ago.  I find myself being pessimistic about it more so now.  Last night I had DH feel those twitches on my belly last night and he asked me if that was his son jokingly.  I replied - yeah I'm not that lucky.  That twitching is gone now thank goodness.  I know I can't really complain because people try 3 -5 years to get pregnant but I just don't have that in me.  I will do 3 more months of great timed sex and then I'm over it lol.  I'll get a referral from my OB for an RE.  I was showing DH on the calendar a couple days ago which day FW starts this month and DD overheard me and wanted to know what happens that day :) 
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • @ELeighMay I have set a deadline and then blown through the deadline so many times. My first deadline was end of 2015, then March 2016, then I got pg in September 2016 and was going to have a 2017 baby, so when I lost her, I said "OK when the chance of a 2017 baby is over, we'll stop". Then I got pregnant again and was going to have a 2018 baby. And now here I am still trying for a 2018 baby. I get so stressed and worked up about approaching deadlines that I broke down and DH said "there is no timeline, we'll know when we're done" which I have embraced. I mean, I can feel that we're both really close to being done (TBH, DH would have been done by now but he knows I'm not there yet), but you can't "force" yourself to feel done when you don't. I guess what I'm saying is that from experience, it's really hard to set a future "done date" because what happens when you get to that date and you don't want to be done but that's what the other person is expecting? If you don't think you are feeling done and you think the looming deadline is going to cause you stress and heartache, I would bring it up with DH now.  

    Me: 35 I DH: 38
    *TW loss and children mentioned*
    DD:2006 | Dx: Unexplained Secondary Infertility | DS: 2011

    TFAS since 2012

    Oct 16: Spontaneous BFP | m/c @ 9w1d (massive SCH) | D&C
    Apr 17: IUI #1 = BFN
    May 17: IUI #2 = BFN
    Jun 17: IUI #3 = Late BFP (18 DPO) | NMC 17Jul17 @ ~6w
    Aug 17: IUI #4 = Cancelled due to premature ovulation | TI = BFN
    Sep 17: IUI #5 = Cancelled due to overstimulation (10+ follies)
    Nov 17: IVF #1 = Cancelled due to non-IF related health issue | TI = BFN
    Dec 17: IVF #1 = Puregon 200, Menopur 75, Orgalutran, Suprefact trigger due to OHSS risk | 22R, 18M, 16F, 10B frozen  
    Feb 18: FET #1 (medicated) = BFN
    Mar 18: FET #2 (natural cycle) = CP (beta 1: 54; beta 2: 0)
    Apr 18: FET #3 (natural cycle) = cancelled due to missed ovulation
    Apr 18: FET #3 (natural cycle) = BFP! Beta 1: 201  Beta 2: 585 Beta 3: 3254 Beta 4: 9715 U/S 19May - one bean measuring on track with a HB of 125!
    EDD: 07Jan2019 Team Green
    My Rainbow Baby Boy born 03Jan2019 <3 

    leahcimmichaelELeighMaySmashJam
  • edited October 2017
    Y’all are speaking my soul right now! The waiting and uncertainties are so hard and unfair. Hitting the 1 year TTC mark was way harder than my EDD for me, because now I know there’s a for real issue as statistically I should be KTFU!

    @msstephanielynn @vlagrl29 @sprkls8506 Thank you! I feel less scared about it now knowing some of you have been through it and it wasn’t completely horrible. 

    @tosh24 Coming through with peer reviewed journal articles!!! Yaaaaasss!  
    Me: 34   DH: 36
    Married: 12/2016
    TTC #1: 8/2016
    MC: 11/2016 at 8w
    CP: 7/2017
    BFP: 11/2017
    EDD: 8/5/2018


    aga31
  • @[email protected]@eleighmay Even though it hasn't been that long for me i know the struggle of my sister, who just recently gave up on IVF after 3 years of it. Now they are trying to adopt and it is such a crazy process in Poland. You have to go to classes for several months, they do background check and psychological testing, not to mention the cost of the process. Then you see pg teenagers or parents who abandon their kids or don't take a good care of them and you ask yourself how are they qualifyied for parenting? nobody did a background check on them before they had unprotected sex, or ask them to take parenting classes when they were pg. Life is unfair, but to be honest I think my sis will the the best mom in the universe and that is all it matters. And I know we will both have kids and everything will be fine, but it sucks to wait and see other people's joy when you are quietly suffering. 
    To add to me being super prepared for pregnancy I went for a dentist visit today and I am the healthiest breeder ever ! Hahaha when I give my DH vitamins in a morning I say "that's for a shinny fur my beloved breeder" :)
  • tosh24 I totally agree. We have talked in length about our deadline. I'm the one dragging my feet about it. We're both 37 and DH is adamant about not wanting to continue for too much longer. I guess the deadline is far more on his side than mine, and I do struggle with that. I know that if we get to the end of December and have a BFN I am going to REALLY struggle with it. On the other hand I don't feel like I can force my DH to keep trying if he's genuinely ready to call it quits either. If it were the other way around and I just couldn't do it anymore I wouldn't want to be forced. I'm going to see how the next three cycles go, and I can guarantee based on the results (whatever they may be) there's another conversation about our deadline in our future. He's been consistent with when he's wanted to stop, but when it actually arrives we'll see if he sticks to it or not. I think it would be different if the IF issues were on my side. All the appointments, tests, etc. are for him and not me and that changes things too. I can endure all of that far better than he can. He's terribly hospital phobic as it is, so adding all of this to his stress level is likely not helping our cause. I'm really hoping that the Clomid does what they're hoping it'll do for him and I'll be flying out of here with a rainbow.
  • @vlagrl29@sprkls8506@ELeighMay @tosh24 @leahcimmichael yes to all that you guys have said. This whole process just takes so much out of you with basically a constant waiting game. And then right when you think the wait is over with a BFP, the universe decides nope, just kidding, you don’t get to keep this baby. I’ll be at a year of TTC in December, and I’m so not looking forward to that. Hugs to you guys that are already there (or past there...)

    On a different note, I was planning to get my flu shot at work today, but now I’m questioning whether or not I should delay it a week or so. My temps still haven’t confirmed O, but I’ve been having ewcm the last few days, so I’m hoping O is imminent. I know I’m likely overthinking things, but I really don’t want to do anything that would mess up ovulation, if it’s going to happen. What would you guys do?
    ELeighMay
  • @pumpkinpancake I went to get my flu shot last year and I had to sign a form and it mentioned you might not want to get it while TTC.  I called my OB and she said get it.  She said the pharmacy just puts on paper to cover themselves.  She said it was fine.  If you are concerned call OB and ask. 
  • @pumpkinpancake Flu shots are safe and even recommended during any time of pregnancy. I have PhD in immunology, I would know something about it ;)
  • pumpkinpancake I'm not sure if the flu-shot impacts TTC or not. That's a good OB question, but I had the same thought. I'm risking it and not getting the shot this year. I got the shot last year and ended up with Meningitis instead. :/
  • Everyone, get a flu shot!
    ELeighMaySmashJam
  • If anything your body's immune system after vaccination (except of live vaccines, those cannot be administered during pregnancy) will be focused on producing antibodies and not potentially attacking implanting embryo! 
    leahcimmichael
  • @ELeighMay I know exactly what you mean. The end dates have always been more for DH than I, because realistically, I could put myself through the wringer and not stop until the day I hit menopause. But DH is....fragile....he gets stressed out very easily about all the procedures and appointments (and he's not even the one going to all of them except the sample deposits!). I never wanted to push him further than he felt he could go, because I would obviously not want that done to me. So I tried to compromise with end dates. I don't know if you've spoken with your DH in depth about any feelings that may be behind his wanting to stop. For me, DH said he just wanted to stop because he didn't know if we should have anymore kids and he was stressed and then we got into this huge fight. When we actually sat down to have a heart to heart, he opened up about how the process brought up feelings of him being inadequate, not being able to give me what I want, and also it was tough for him to constantly see my heartbreak every month and he couldn't do anything to fix it. So once we got all of that out on the table, I reassured him that there was no blame and that I am a f*cking superhero and I can handle the obstacles thrown in our way, so I didn't want him to stress out worrying about *me*. He felt a lot better about things after that and he's been more open to continuing on :)

    Me: 35 I DH: 38
    *TW loss and children mentioned*
    DD:2006 | Dx: Unexplained Secondary Infertility | DS: 2011

    TFAS since 2012

    Oct 16: Spontaneous BFP | m/c @ 9w1d (massive SCH) | D&C
    Apr 17: IUI #1 = BFN
    May 17: IUI #2 = BFN
    Jun 17: IUI #3 = Late BFP (18 DPO) | NMC 17Jul17 @ ~6w
    Aug 17: IUI #4 = Cancelled due to premature ovulation | TI = BFN
    Sep 17: IUI #5 = Cancelled due to overstimulation (10+ follies)
    Nov 17: IVF #1 = Cancelled due to non-IF related health issue | TI = BFN
    Dec 17: IVF #1 = Puregon 200, Menopur 75, Orgalutran, Suprefact trigger due to OHSS risk | 22R, 18M, 16F, 10B frozen  
    Feb 18: FET #1 (medicated) = BFN
    Mar 18: FET #2 (natural cycle) = CP (beta 1: 54; beta 2: 0)
    Apr 18: FET #3 (natural cycle) = cancelled due to missed ovulation
    Apr 18: FET #3 (natural cycle) = BFP! Beta 1: 201  Beta 2: 585 Beta 3: 3254 Beta 4: 9715 U/S 19May - one bean measuring on track with a HB of 125!
    EDD: 07Jan2019 Team Green
    My Rainbow Baby Boy born 03Jan2019 <3 

    aga31
  • Just to clarify, I’m 100% getting the flu shot, as im
    a firm believer in vaccines, but my question was more about getting it this week vs next. I’m just nervous because my signs pointed to my body trying to ovulate two weeks ago with no real temp shift to confirm it, and now I’m at the point where it’s looking possible again, but won’t know for a few more days. If a stressor of some sort caused my body to hold off ovulating last time, I wouldn’t want the shot to potentially do the same now? Obviously i know the shots are safe and I certainly will be getting one, I just wasn’t sure on the timing. 
    aga31
  • Hitting the one year mark of TTC is difficult. It took us 18 months to get pregnant with my first, so I understand the feeling. It's hard seeing others get pregnant/have children so easily and you wonder if it's ever going to happen for you. But for others their journey involves a long wait, or sometimes IF treatment or adopting. I'm glad there are places like this that we can vent and get support when we need it. Hang in there ladies! 
    Ivy: July 2010  |  Stella: Dec 2012  |  BFP#3: MMC at 11Wk's, July 2017 | Wyatt: April 2019 | BFP#5: Twin Girls due Sept 2020

  • @aga31 I used to not get the flu shots until I was talking about not getting one with my doc because they don't work...he lost his SHIT (nicely) and was like, "IT DPESNT WPRK BECAUSE NO ONE GETS THEM!"  I had never thought about it in that sense before. 

    Also I'm having a moment with O. I have a high soft c3rvix and huge amounts of EWCM  (could have been seen but this is two days after sex and it's still there, plus it stretches not breaks), as well as temps that are going lower, which often happens pre spike for me. My o is usually like, 8-10 days from now, but in the last few cycles I have bouts of all other signs pointing to pre o but no positive opk. Does everyone turn opk tests positive pre o?
  • @pumpkinpancake I feel like I would wait until the 2WW is over. I’m so insane about doing anything while I wait. I’m sure it’s fine but I personally would wait. 
  • tosh24 Yes, we've had the true heart-to-heart on the topic complete with emotional meltdown on the topic. The feelings of inadequacy are huge for him. He struggles with ED as a result of what's also causing the IF issues, and we are not at an age where you'd expect that would ever be an issue. I used to giggle at some of the ED commercials and think "that would suck" and come to find out it's actually a huge problem and starts as young as 18 in far larger numbers than you'd ever think. So he has to take meds for that as well and it's horribly embarrassing for him. I can do absolutely nothing but reassure him that he's not any less of a man for having medical issues he has zero cause control over. His other issue is that he doesn't want to get any older with a newborn, and I can understand that too. I think about the physical toll it'll take on me at this age, but it's totally worth it in my mind. I think the age and physical aspects aside, he just can't do it emotionally. Seeing the disappointment on my face when it's another lost month, and the guilt knowing he's the main cause is just too much after two years. He isn't vocal about how he feels about things, so when it's clear enough that I can see it I know he's struggling. We'll see. I'm hoping it'll be a non-issue. I have to keep up the positive front for the both of us sometimes, and that's a role I'm willing to take on to keep us positive and hopeful. 
    tosh24
  • All this discussion about the flu shot reminded me we have not gotten ours. I just checked and our medical clinic is doing flu shots this Fri. I put it on the calendar. Thanks ladies!

    @pumpkinpancake Given how your cycle has been the last couple of weeks and how it geared up to ovulate and didn't, I think I would probably wait a week and then get the flu shot. A week isn't going to make a difference really. 
    Ivy: July 2010  |  Stella: Dec 2012  |  BFP#3: MMC at 11Wk's, July 2017 | Wyatt: April 2019 | BFP#5: Twin Girls due Sept 2020

  • For me EDD was super easy breezy, 1 year TTC mark was easy too - its the 1 year since loss that will kick my butt.  End of December for me.  For me age does play a bit of a factor in my decisions as to how much longer do we do this?  Personally I'd rather have a baby in my late 30s than 40s so yes I'm totally fine now with knowing an RE is our backup plan in Jan.  I told DH last weekend I can't keep doing this for 2 or 3 more years.  If it doesn't work with RE then we will be done.  I consider us blessed to already have 1 kid and we've always wanted 2 so we are disappointed it hasn't happened yet.  I feel that with an RE I may get some more additional tests that I haven't with my OB like maybe an U/S of my ute to check it all out.  I know my tubes are nice and clear.  I'm ok with spending a little money for it instead of staying with an OB and always wonder what the hell is going on.

    and I'll just hide here in a corner because I've never got the flu shot.
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • I started TTC in January 2016.  I've had two losses.  For me the EDD and the anniversary of loss was the hardest.  We are about coming to the end of our journey, we have about 2 more cycles of IUI and then will probably be done.  I'm 42.  We may try on our own after but not sure. We will discuss that when we cross that bridge. It's a draining process and not sure how much more I can do.  I need to take care of my hip as it needs to be replaced so I just want to get back to my old self 
  • My EDD with my first loss was hard. I'm taking the day off work on the anniversary of the baby's death (Nov. 15th) because I think I will need to cry and be angry and just lick my wounds that day. It was one year ago today that I went home on my lunch hour and took an HPT and found out I was pregnant. Then I took the afternoon off and planned this whole reveal for DH because I was SO EXCITED after 4.5 years of TTC. Filmed it and everything. Needless to say, today's been a rough day as well.  
    Me: 35 I DH: 38
    *TW loss and children mentioned*
    DD:2006 | Dx: Unexplained Secondary Infertility | DS: 2011

    TFAS since 2012

    Oct 16: Spontaneous BFP | m/c @ 9w1d (massive SCH) | D&C
    Apr 17: IUI #1 = BFN
    May 17: IUI #2 = BFN
    Jun 17: IUI #3 = Late BFP (18 DPO) | NMC 17Jul17 @ ~6w
    Aug 17: IUI #4 = Cancelled due to premature ovulation | TI = BFN
    Sep 17: IUI #5 = Cancelled due to overstimulation (10+ follies)
    Nov 17: IVF #1 = Cancelled due to non-IF related health issue | TI = BFN
    Dec 17: IVF #1 = Puregon 200, Menopur 75, Orgalutran, Suprefact trigger due to OHSS risk | 22R, 18M, 16F, 10B frozen  
    Feb 18: FET #1 (medicated) = BFN
    Mar 18: FET #2 (natural cycle) = CP (beta 1: 54; beta 2: 0)
    Apr 18: FET #3 (natural cycle) = cancelled due to missed ovulation
    Apr 18: FET #3 (natural cycle) = BFP! Beta 1: 201  Beta 2: 585 Beta 3: 3254 Beta 4: 9715 U/S 19May - one bean measuring on track with a HB of 125!
    EDD: 07Jan2019 Team Green
    My Rainbow Baby Boy born 03Jan2019 <3 

  • tosh24 I can't imagine. *Hugs*
    tosh24
  • @tosh24 sending hugs your way 
    tosh24
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