Randoms and Questions 1.30 - 2.5

pshaortao

Going into February! Psst don't forget to participate in the siggy thread.

Also, if you have a bigger question that will most likely get a lot more responses, don't hesistate to create a new thread instead

BabyMC517

Okay, so I just need a place to vent so I guess this qualifies as random lol I don't think we have a venting thread, but could always start one if everyone would prefer that. I'm just annoyed and frustrated and needed a place to get it out without getting myself into trouble! I apologize in advance for the long post and any grammatical errors lol as much as I catch stuff like that, when I'm upset I tend to miss! 

So, my husband is a mechanic and has been helping fix my mom's car this past week. There were quite a few things that needed to be done and he did them when he could at work. Then the battery died and needed to be replaced, which they should have a warranty but can't find the paperwork and the store couldn't find it under any of the phone numbers we have. So, after awhile H was able to get the battery for free even though they still couldn't find the paperwork (nice to know people). So, all is good right? He gives the keys and credit card back to my mom who he has been dealing with the entire day (Saturday) and lets her know what happened. Still good, right? One would think...so it was my dad's (step dad's) birthday Saturday as well. Had a family dinner that turned into a political discussion, well rather my parents being defensive and a whole other story. Anyway, so then Sunday we go to lunch for his b-day as well...still thinking everything is fine....last night however, my dad wants to talk to H. Turns out he was upset, but not mad at H for giving my mom's keys and card back to her and telling her what happened instead of giving it to him because he's "the man of the house. the king of the castle". Seriously? Now he know knows H is not that type of person and will continue to deal with the one he had been dealing with all day. So, it turns into this crap about being a man and how H made him feel like a b*tch because of what H did...wth?? Then proceeds to tell H I know you'll think about this because that's what you do so I hope you think  about your son and how you want to raise him to be a man and not a b*tch. 

I was livid! All you had to do was say hey I felt a little disrespected that you didn't come talk to me about the car and wanted to let you know to deal with me next time. He did not have to say all the other crap and then bring our son into it! I kept my mouth shut, for now, because I just don't have the patience or strength to deal with it at the moment. I just keep praying everything still goes well with the final stages of the house (loan review) and we will be out in a month and 2 weeks! Let the countdown begin!! 

Thanks for letting me vent, even if it wasn't the right place

ETA: Should probably note, if not obvious, that my dad, and mom really, are of the mindset that the dad runs the house (even though we all know mom does) and that mom should be there to do housework and take care of dad first. Both work however, but they just have a bit of a different relationship that my H and I. I take care of my husband, but we share responsibilities and don't fall completely into the old husband and wife standards. My brain isn't working and can't think of the actual term at the moment...ugh

mcvgal

@BabyMC517 that would be so upsetting. You would think he would just be grateful that the car situation was taken car of!

BabyMC517

@mcvgal....no kidding! I was upset the rest of the night that he did that. There was no reason to do it.

starphish18

@BabyMC517 I think the randoms thread is the perfect place to vent. I would have been so upset about what your step dad said. For one, your H is a mechanic...why wouldn't he help out with your mom's car?! Secondly, your husband is clearly going to teach your children problem-solving skills and the merits of being kind and helpful. Clearly, your step dad is feeling like he's not doing enough, which is his problem, not yours. I wouldn't worry about it, but I definitely understand why you're upset.

L1C4gal

@BabyMC517 I'm so mad for you (and H)! My H was a mechanic for 11 years and did/does a lot for family, so I know what a balancing act it is with trying to get his own work done--something that should always be appreciated! And let alone all the other crap, which is the main point of your story. What an inappropriate thing to say! I definitely understand keeping your mouth shut in the moment--that's what I would do, if only out of shock. But if it's likely to come up again, perhaps think of a good way to respond in defense of yourself, your husband, your son...and man/womankind in general, haha. I hope you get out of the situation soon!

SKZW

@BabyMC517: That completely stinks that he was acting like such a prick. And then dictating how you guys should raise your child. So uncalled for. What a jerk! I'm glad you vented here and I hope it helped you feel better.

BeachMommy2B

@babymc517 ugh that's so frutstrating!!! I would be mad too!

Funny thing i almost made a vent thread this morning. I'm just pissed we forgot to file our Homestead exemption when we built our house in late 2015 and got our statement showing our Mortgage payment went up an additional $700 a month due to escrow! .... Fiance is going to file it today, and after March we should be able to have mortgage company redo our escrow and help some... but still not exactly comforting also knowing your daycare bill is about to double as well!

BabyMC517

Thanks, ladies! I feel a little better venting and not feeling alone in this (H is there obviously, but you all know what I mean:)). I know myself too well and would definitely say something that probably wouldn't help the situation at this point haha I'm hoping to just let it roll off my shoulders, once the shock has worn off, and move on. If it comes up again, we will definitely say something! Pretty sure H was in shock last night, too because all he said back was "okay". So stupid 

laurapalmier

@BabyMC517 oh my gosh, it's really sad when men are all too eager to prove they are ~men~ because it just screams insecurity. It was lovely of your H to do the work for your mom, can't imagine not just being grateful for that! The thing about raising your son to be a man and not a bitch, I don't know if I could've kept my cool but understand not having the energy to get into those types of discussions with family. It would make me wary of leaving a son around him for too long. 

Fingers crossed that everything works out and you are in your own place so soon!!!

nda_roxybabe

@BabyMC517 Ugh! That's really frustrating.

nda_roxybabe

@beac@BeachMommy2B Oh no!

bubsalicious

@BabyMC517 What a jerk move! You guys handled it way better than I would've. Don't relay on my H to fix your car then talk about how you're man of the house. I don't care who you are.
@BeachMommy2B I hope everything gets figured out! What a horrible surprise.

BabyMC517

Thanks, again everyone! I'm definitely frustrated and a bit shocked. I mean I know how my dad thinks and believes about husband/wife relationships and being "the man", but he's not a very manly guy besides loving sports. He's not normally like this in the sense of making a remark like that so I think we are just shocked it came out that way. 

@BeachMommy2B I completely forgot to comment on your vent! I'm sorry you're dealing with that! I thinking I remember you mentioning something about it before (or maybe someone else? idk), so at least it sounds like you've got a plan in place! Hoping it all works out! 

Jens_Hoes

@BabyMC517 I'm so sorry about your (step-)dad! He's obviously feeling like "less than a man" because he couldn't fix the car himself.  Don't let other people's opinions get you down.  I don't know if I could have kept my mouth shut like you did!

I'm feeling a bit stressed lately myself.  My husband works for himself and winter time is always hard because he does excavation and obviously you can't excavate in the winter in NY.   So we are strapped for money, and even more so this year than previously and he has borrowed a significant chunk of money from my savings to get by.  He is feeling super stressed due to this, and just due to being slow and not having work.  I'm feeling stressed that he took all my money, and that I'm pregnant.  We had a fight last night because he is saying that I should "walk on eggshells" because of how overwhelmed and depressed he is with everything.  He "says" he acknowledges that I am stressed and overwhelmed being pregnant, but whether he says it out loud or not he always views his stresses as more stressful than mine. He's always in his own world surrounded by his own problems that he rarely sees mine.  I turn 30 today, and I'm feeling blue  We "celebrated" my birthday this weekend by getting Chili's take out and watching movies, not that that was a bad thing, but not what I wanted to do.  I wanted to go to a nice steak restaurant, but I didn't because I know he has such little money.  I'm also feeling super fat, gross, and just uncomfortable.  I know that part of being in a relationship is picking up one another when the other is down, but EVERY winter he gets like this.  I almost feel like he should plan better so that he doesn't get into such dire straits with money, and that he should be picking me up since I'm pregnant, but he can't see my perspective. 

I know I just made my husband sound like a total douche nugget, and he's really not all the time. But right now, huge douche nugget.

lilmisscrafty-2

@BabyMC517 - Wow, I definitely would have been too shocked to say anything in the moment. Still shocks me when people have such strong feeling about male/female roles. 

I definitely would have participated in a vent thread today. I had to sit through the most passive-aggressive lunch on Saturday. MH got into a fight with his mother hours before his dad's birthday lunch. (About politics of course) MIL barely talked to us when we got there (not sure what I did to deserve the silent treatment). Most uncomfortable 2 hours ever.

Then Sunday I had the bright idea to confront my mother about some things she's said to me. The few times I've talked to her I felt like she was questioning my preparedness for the kid. Unfortunately when I tried to discuss this with her my hormones got the best of me and I started sobbing. Instead of letting me calm down, she starts yelling at me and hangs up the phone. I was able to calm down enough to call her back and explain that I had no attention to cry it just came out and explained what I was feeling. She explained that she was concerned because she felt bad that she's not going to be there for me after the baby is born. (Side note: she's not going to visit us after the birth because we have a cat who she's mildly allergic to. She doesn't think medicine will help her allergies. We live in an apartment and she suggested "maybe when she's older you can bring her down to the lobby so I can see her".) We ended things on a better note but with my mom you never know.

jayandaplus

@Jen_Shoes Wow, that's tough! You're right, ideally, DH would set himself up better over the good months in anticipation of this hard patch every winter. When do things start to get better for his business? Is there anything he could in the meantime, like a part time job? I'm sorry you're both going through all of the financial stress together, and while being pregnant! A fight never helps.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY! I wanted that to stand out on its own. 30 is going to be a great year for you-- you're bringing a baby into the world!

@LilMissCrafty Moms are hard! At least in my world. I'm sorry things are so edgy with you two, but maybe they will be better once the baby is actually born? My philosophy would be if she doesn't want to visit, then you don't want her to visit. Her negativity or lack of enthusiasm is not going to make you feel good when you have a newborn. Still, I know it must feel terrible.

nda_roxybabe

I could kick myself. I've realized that coffee is a trigger for my dizzy spells yet what did I do this morning? I drank a big old Dunkins coffee thing from the grocery because I was tired. I noticed it had a lot of caffeine in it (180 mg) and drank it anyway. Well, guess who is at work and feeling incredibly dizzy? This girl. So. not. worth. it.

psherman42wwsa

@jen_shoes that does sound stressful. Are there things your husband can do to keep himself busy and make him happy? I can sort of relate due to the fact my husband gets moody/depressed every winter because he cant do many of the outdoor activities he enjoys.. it annoys me every year. This winter he is going to the gym more, coaching his brothers basketball team and doing more house projects. So far all of the extra activities are helping which makes him less moody.

nda_roxybabe

@Jen_Shoes I am sorry you're dealing with that It's got to be stressful for BOTH of you. I agree better planning on his part may be helpful. Maybe once the slump is over and things are going better you could help him work on a plan for even-ing (wth? How do I spell that? Is it not a word?) out the year to reduce this in the future.

Happy Birthday! Even though money is tight, are you able to treat yourself with something special today?

lilmisscrafty-2

jen_shoes - MH also works for himself. The work isn't always consistent and things are a little tight around here as well. I try to get hime to focus on other things during times like these. Like reading more or watching movies that I hate but he loves. I got him into legos for awhile. But the sets can be really expensive.

@jayandaplus - Thanks! Usually I can shake her off. But being pregnant has made it so much harder. I keep telling myself she'll only make me feel worse if she was actually around after the birth.

nda_roxybabe

Q: Just now having intermittent stabbing (but not painful) pressure sort of feeling in my pelvis. Whats that about?

BabyMC517

Looks like quite a few of us had a rough start to the week! Maybe a venting thread wouldn't be such a bad idea to start one of these days...

Here's to hoping everything works out for everyone and we all have a better week starting now! 

RainyDays86

@BabyMC517 I'm so sorry your step-dad said that to your H!  I would have been pretty shocked too and think you have every right to be.  I understand not engaging with comments like that, but wow.

@BeachMommy2B oh wow I hope your fiance can get that figured out!  An extra $700 is a big deal, especially with a big increase in daycare costs coming as you say.  Good luck!

@jen_shoes I'm sorry you're dealing with that.  My H is wonderful be he definitely has a hard time with perspective when we're both struggling with something.  His issues always take priority in his mind, or at least equal out to mine when he's struggling to the point where he can't give support and sympathy and he just responds with "yeah me too" when I have something going on.  Right now is the exception because I think he realizes that he can't quite top cancer but that has definitely been a frustration of mine in the past. I completely agree with @nda_roxybabe that maybe it would be helpful to sit down with him when he is feeling better to talk about a way to budget to account for loss of income each winter.  I'm sure I don't need to tell you this, but with a baby coming things are going to be even tighter financially and I would hate to see his stress get worse than it already is.

On a better note, happy birthday!!! I hope you have a great day!  And @jayandaplus said, this is going to be a great year - the year you get to meet your baby!

I don't have anything to say except that today is my first day back at work since chemo and I slept in and was like and hour late and then went straight to a meeting and as soon as I got out I talked to a bunch of people and have been on the bump.  So it's 10:45 and I have done no actual work.  Employee of the year over here.

hp_momma

@Jen_Shoes Sorry to hear about your stressful money situation. I've totally been there before, hang in there. And HAPPY BIRTHDAY! Treat yourself to at least your favorite lunch today! 

achays11

@Jen_Shoes HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! I hope today is wonderful despite all of the stress for you guys. Maybe you could get yourself a treat to brighten today. 

@BabyMC517 I'm sorry that your dad said those things. Hopefully you and your husband can brush them off since it seems like you have a good balance in your relationship. 

I'm finally starting to feel better and I know MH is too. And I'm glad that we were able to keep DD from getting the bronchitis that plagued both of us. Now we're just praying to hear good news regarding MH's interview last week. 

hp_momma

@nda_roxybabe I get those dizzy spells in the morning pretty often (low blood sugar plus low blood pressure!) but I've found that it's usually triggered by not having enough protein the night before or that morning. I usually carry around a high protein Luna bar or Cliff bar for those situations until I can get something more substantial to eat! 
And those sharp stabbing pains sound like lightening crotch (STMs know what I'm talking about!) It is usually just more ligaments stretching, pelvic loosening, baby hitting your cervix, or just movements. It's annoying but usually no concern. Gets worse in third trimester when you feel like the baby is literally kicking you in the cervix! 

PghMom412

Ditto to the dizzy spells and lightning crotch @nda_roxybabe. I've tried incorporating a protein snack right before bed- right now I'm eating Greek yogurt with protein granola- and it's helping me not feel as dizzy in the morning. No advice on the lightning crotch except to agree with h&p that it will get worse before it gets better, unfortunately. 

hp_momma

PghMom412 said:

Ditto to the dizzy spells and lightning crotch @nda_roxybabe. I've tried incorporating a protein snack right before bed- right now I'm eating Greek yogurt with protein granola- and it's helping me not feel as dizzy in the morning. No advice on the lightning crotch except to agree with h&p that it will get worse before it gets better, unfortunately. 

Greek yogurt with protein granola is my go to breakfast too! It definitely helps as I'm not a big protein/meat eater generally. I need to start adding protein shakes probably. 

nda_roxybabe

h&pmomma said:

@nda_roxybabe I get those dizzy spells in the morning pretty often (low blood sugar plus low blood pressure!) but I've found that it's usually triggered by not having enough protein the night before or that morning. I usually carry around a high protein Luna bar or Cliff bar for those situations until I can get something more substantial to eat! 
And those sharp stabbing pains sound like lightening crotch (STMs know what I'm talking about!) It is usually just more ligaments stretching, pelvic loosening, baby hitting your cervix, or just movements. It's annoying but usually no concern. Gets worse in third trimester when you feel like the baby is literally kicking you in the cervix! 

The protein is a great idea! My breakfast of pop tarts probably isn't quite cutting it. I have a bunch of protein bars, I'll start having one in the mornings.
Ahh, I was wondering if perhaps that's what it is. Oh baby...

BabyMC517

@Jen_Shoes HAPPY BIRTHDAY! man I'm forgetful on posts...I hope you have an awesome day and get to treat yourself!  

laurapalmier

@Jen_Shoes HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! There is also zero shame in buying yourself a cake
I agree with all pps who suggested that maybe when he's out of this winter slump you could try to strategize with him for next year. As women, we will almost always carry more emotional weight and put in more emotional effort in our relationships with men. I've struggled with this too but it's hard to talk about! Often guys will take offence/be defensive before they can just hear the words we're saying and understand. But sometimes if I'm just really adamant and keep saying "It's not that I think you're not a good partner and I'm not trying to argue with you but I really just want you to know how I feel," it doesn't turn into an argument and I can see my SO is visibly less defensive. 

I hope you have a good rest of your day and please please do something just for you!!

nda_roxybabe

I'm needy today. I need brain cell help. Will this frame work for 8x10 prints? I'm ordering 6 8x10's for the nursery to do a gallery wall. I want the frames to be bigger and have matting to take up some space.

https://www.ikea.com/us/en/catalog/products/40305867/#/20305868

BeachMommy2B

@nda_roxybabe it doesn't look like that matting is for exactly 8X10. looks like there is about a 1/4 inch on each side that will be covered by the matting....
Mat opening, width: 7 ½ "
Mat opening, height: 9 ½ "

BabyMC517

I was talking to my H at lunch about a daycare we are looking into. I was telling him about the application and how you need to take the app in and we should schedule a tour. He goes "what do you mean by you? You as in me or you as in us?". So, I said "you as in us.....like general us". His reply "Yeah but they better talk to me and only me. I won't stand for anything else." lol trying to make light of what happened and moving on...I love him! I told him he can email/call for a tour and that he is now in charge of the bills 

Slow day at work...appointments keep canceling...

WombThereItIs

I think you want the hole just slightly smaller than 8x10, that looks correct. If the hole were 8x10 exactly you wouldn't be able to secure the print in place. That tiny 1/4 inch overhang on each side is where you can tape the print in place. 

jayandaplus

@nda_roxybabe I have been getting some sharp pains, but I can tell it's baby. (DH said, "is Baby scratching you?" Yes, that's what it feels like. Or pinching me. With it's tiny baby fingers.) Oh the joys of pregnancy.

As for that picture frame, I think a true 8x10 wouldn't fit. It says the picture with mat is 7.75" by 9.75". But if you can lose 1/4 inch off the edges of your picture it should be fine.

On another note, I'm having an overwhelming guilty day. I did not sleep at all last night (insomnia was strong) so I feel bad about that. I also ate an exorbitant amount of banana chocolate chip cookies last night, and feel incredibly guilty about that! I'm not even tired, (haven't been since my guilty 3pm nap yesterday) but I feel so lazy and slothy and fat and unproductive. I'm reading baby books, doing laundry and dishes, but it feels like I'm frittering away my day and it makes me feel bad. Why do I have such bad guilt all the time?

nda_roxybabe

@BeachMommy2B That is what I was thinking, @WombThereItIs makes a good point though! Hmm..

Yiggle09

My dog passed away suddenly this past tuesday. We are having no luck finding a new buddy for the remaining dog. Just in a sad mood recently.

KMD1106

I'm sorry some of your are having a rough start to your week. I hope it turns around!

@Jen_Shoes Happy Birthday! I hope you get to do something you enjoy today even if it isn't what you originally wanted. 

BabyMC517

oh no @Yiggle09 ! I'm so sorry to hear that! Hoping can find a new buddy soon...its always a tough situation losing a pet.