Yesterday I was talking to my MIL about how much trouble I've been having breastfeeding. My baby had a tongue tie the first week of her life and it has really damaged my nipples. It's been over 3 weeks since the issue was fixed and I'm still in severe pain. I had her checked for a lip tie and the doctor said she was fine, but it wasn't her normal pediatrician and I still believe she has a lip tie. I was telling my MIL that I'm going to have her checked by her pediatrician tomorrow and if she doesn't have a lip tie then I can't continue to breastfeed through this pain. She surprised me and said, "I don't know how you could continue to breastfeed." I was really happy that I had her support because I've talked before about switching to formula and she and my DH made me feel like I was making a selfish decision.
Not 5 minutes later she was telling me about a family member who switched her baby to formula and they started getting terrible diaper rashes. She said, "if that is what it does to their skin imagine what damage it does on the inside." My husband then pipes in, "yes, because it's not natural."
I could have spit fire. Why does no one care about how miserable I am?! Both nipples now literally are bloody and have chunks missing out of them. I don't need you to tell me if I decide to formula feed I'm increasing the risk of SIDS, illness etc.
Im sitting in the nursery feeding my son and I can hear MIL and FIL talk to DH about my vagina and how it won't be the same for a while. Why is this a topic of conversation????
My mil and fil came over for dinner the night after we got home from the hospital and my mil asked how going to the bathroom is going, if I tore and if I think things will heal... All in front of my fil.... Um? Do you really need the answers to those questions? Also, they brought food but didn't clean up after themselves and just sat of their asses wanting to hold my baby the whole time. He spit up breast milk (it literally came in that night) and my mil insisted j start doing formula because he won't be able to keep his weight up if that continues...... Dear lord. They've come over once since then and I've just distanced myself from them. It's too much for an emotional woman and a newborn!
I get really overwhelmed going to MIL house because my SO has half siblings that are young. Today was the first day bringing the baby over and every one was kissing her face and getting really handsy. It was stressing me out to a whole other level, especially because my SO's nephew was there as well and he's sick. And no one stopped him from kissing the baby's face. So after LO pooped through her clothes (as usual), I was trying to clean the mess while everyone was crowding around me to look at the baby. I was flustered as it was and then my MIL says, "stop wiping her so roughly. You have to be gentle!" First of all, I don't think that it is possible to be "rough" when wiping a butt, I'm sorry. And even if there was, I was being gentle. I've been a nanny for years and I've never been told that I "wipe too rough". Then she told me that I need to put alcohol on her umbilical cord and after I told her that the doctor said don't, she proceeded to tell me that I'm narotic. I was just so turned off by her comments. I know I'm a new mom but I'm not an idiot! Maybe she should tell her children that it's not okay to kiss babies' faces, or is that too narotic of me?
@sadyy131 interesting how much opinions differ on putting alcohol on the baby's umbilical cord. I was critized for mentioning that I put some on my son's even thought it was part of the instructions I was given from the hospital. I was even given wipes with alcohol to take home to just rub around the stump. Go figure.
@sadyy131 interesting how much opinions differ on putting alcohol on the baby's umbilical cord. I was critized for mentioning that I put some on my son's even thought it was part of the instructions I was given from the hospital. I was even given wipes with alcohol to take home to just rub around the stump. Go figure.
It was on my discharge instructions, however, one of my nurses said that it isn't totally necessary. She said she never did so with her kids and shrugged it off. I haven't done it, it's clean looking and will fall off when it falls off. Yeah, all those comments would piss me off. There is offering advice or suggestions, and there is nagging and criticism. Sounds like your mil falls into the latter of those.
I get really overwhelmed going to MIL house because my SO has half siblings that are young. Today was the first day bringing the baby over and every one was kissing her face and getting really handsy. It was stressing me out to a whole other level, especially because my SO's nephew was there as well and he's sick. And no one stopped him from kissing the baby's face. So after LO pooped through her clothes (as usual), I was trying to clean the mess while everyone was crowding around me to look at the baby. I was flustered as it was and then my MIL says, "stop wiping her so roughly. You have to be gentle!" First of all, I don't think that it is possible to be "rough" when wiping a butt, I'm sorry. And even if there was, I was being gentle. I've been a nanny for years and I've never been told that I "wipe too rough". Then she told me that I need to put alcohol on her umbilical cord and after I told her that the doctor said don't, she proceeded to tell me that I'm narotic. I was just so turned off by her comments. I know I'm a new mom but I'm not an idiot! Maybe she should tell her children that it's not okay to kiss babies' faces, or is that too narotic of me?
Fiancé said that to me when we had our first. I was wiping his penis & all that to hard according to him. My son wasn't crying or whining at all about it. I've changed him the same ever since. But I did change my brother once (he's 4) & he cried & said I was hurting him. Idk if it was cuz I am rough or my brother is a big wuss lol but then again my kid split his cheek open & now has a scar & didn't drop a tear. Also if people were kissing my babies face idc if ur the freaking president I will make u stop. Idk were ur mouth has been. Or where the stuff u put ur mouth on has been. Yuck.
During my 31 hour labor, DH kept getting texts from MIL asking how *he* was holding up and mentioning that *he* should really try to get some sleep because *he* must be so tired. She didn't once ask how I was doing with labor, or even if everything was ok with the baby (it was an unplanned induction due to vaginal bleeding so while everything turned out ok, there was reason to be concerned). DH is normally very unoffended but actually got ticked off, and called her out on it. She didn't think there was anything wrong with asking how her son is doing. Ugh!
Also had an issue with my dad. They were in the waiting room and we told them that we would let them know when LO was born and that they'd have to wait 1-2 hours for skin to skin and could see us on the postpartum floor. Well, it took 3 hours for us to get a post partum room and when my dad finally did catch up with us, he was pissed off about having to wait when "other grandparents whose babies were born after yours got to see their grandchildren right away in labor and delivery. " I called him out there, even in front of the in laws that "I'm sorry about the 4 hour wait (1 hr pushing+ 3 hr after) but I was in labor for the past 31 and just had a baby and you really do not get to talk to me like that." I'm guessing that the in laws were shocked at that (DH and BIL never ever talked back to them--they're very proper and quiet) and it turns out my parents were "just worried about me" but we texted them to let them know we were ok, so they didn't really have a reason to be angry at and scold me the second they walk into our room.
Ok, if you got through that thanks. Just needed to get that out of my system.
I get really overwhelmed going to MIL house because my SO has half siblings that are young. Today was the first day bringing the baby over and every one was kissing her face and getting really handsy. It was stressing me out to a whole other level, especially because my SO's nephew was there as well and he's sick. And no one stopped him from kissing the baby's face. So after LO pooped through her clothes (as usual), I was trying to clean the mess while everyone was crowding around me to look at the baby. I was flustered as it was and then my MIL says, "stop wiping her so roughly. You have to be gentle!" First of all, I don't think that it is possible to be "rough" when wiping a butt, I'm sorry. And even if there was, I was being gentle. I've been a nanny for years and I've never been told that I "wipe too rough". Then she told me that I need to put alcohol on her umbilical cord and after I told her that the doctor said don't, she proceeded to tell me that I'm narotic. I was just so turned off by her comments. I know I'm a new mom but I'm not an idiot! Maybe she should tell her children that it's not okay to kiss babies' faces, or is that too narotic of me?
Your the mom it is your job to tell people not to kiss baby's face, or tell sick people not to touch. I am sure I have offended people, but my priority is keeping lo safe. It is ok to put your foot down, your kid your rules.
My MIL is nuts. I've hated her since I met her. She's just.....her. We had a huge falling out over thanksgiving. She ask us to bring something so I wanted to do banana pudding, easy to make with a newborn. She then starts crying and saying that's "her" thing. So I backed off. I ask her what shed like me to bring and she says Hawaiian salad(fruit salad with marshmallows) so whatever, I did. The day before I call her to confirm time and all. We don't like going over there because there's 3 people that smoke in the house. When we go they usually go outside for a couple hours prior. Anyway, she tells me that if I want to come me and the baby will have to go outside while she smokes...excuse the F out of me?! We live in KY so it was pretty chilly. Around 50 that day. So I told my husband and he flips out on her and she changed her tune. But fast forward to dessert on thanksgiving day. We put the salad on the table and his sister says "who brought that nasty shit?" Come to find out, no one in the family likes it besides her!! And then we look to the banana pudding and its literally banana pudding. Just plain instant pudding in a bowl. Husband says "you gotta be shitting me" and we left. She's just so spiteful.
My MIL is nuts. I've hated her since I met her. She's just.....her. We had a huge falling out over thanksgiving. She ask us to bring something so I wanted to do banana pudding, easy to make with a newborn. She then starts crying and saying that's "her" thing. So I backed off. I ask her what shed like me to bring and she says Hawaiian salad(fruit salad with marshmallows) so whatever, I did. The day before I call her to confirm time and all. We don't like going over there because there's 3 people that smoke in the house. When we go they usually go outside for a couple hours prior. Anyway, she tells me that if I want to come me and the baby will have to go outside while she smokes...excuse the F out of me?! We live in KY so it was pretty chilly. Around 50 that day. So I told my husband and he flips out on her and she changed her tune. But fast forward to dessert on thanksgiving day. We put the salad on the table and his sister says "who brought that nasty shit?" Come to find out, no one in the family likes it besides her!! And then we look to the banana pudding and its literally banana pudding. Just plain instant pudding in a bowl. Husband says "you gotta be shitting me" and we left. She's just so spiteful.
MIL is here and we went out to eat. I brought a bottle for LO. She starts fussing so I take her out of her car seat and bottle feed her. She says "well that's not your job, bottle feeding is for grandma or dad". (I EBF) I knew she wanted to feed her so I handed her to DH just to piss her off. Sorry lady, I pushed her out of my bagina, I'll do what I fucking please, if I want to bottle feed her, I'll bottle feed her. My baby. My rules.
I could write on this post every. Damn. Day. Anyway, it's almost Christmas, cool! Last year around this time, I was helping my MIL decorate her house. My boyfriend's brother had just gotten married and my MIL was making a stocking for his new wife. She told me this story about when she first got married her own MIL had made her a stocking to help her feel like part of the family and that's why she was doing it for her DIL. Fast forward to this year, both they, and my boyfriend and I have had a baby. My MIL has made new stockings for both of the babies, but not one for me. Apparently the fact that her son and I aren't married disqualifies me from actually being a part of her family, even though I'm her grandson's mother and she gets pissy with me when she doesn't think she sees him often enough. Maybe this is totally petty of me, but it really hurt my feelings.
I could write on this post every. Damn. Day. Anyway, it's almost Christmas, cool! Last year around this time, I was helping my MIL decorate her house. My boyfriend's brother had just gotten married and my MIL was making a stocking for his new wife. She told me this story about when she first got married her own MIL had made her a stocking to help her feel like part of the family and that's why she was doing it for her DIL. Fast forward to this year, both they, and my boyfriend and I have had a baby. My MIL has made new stockings for both of the babies, but not one for me. Apparently the fact that her son and I aren't married disqualifies me from actually being a part of her family, even though I'm her grandson's mother and she gets pissy with me when she doesn't think she sees him often enough. Maybe this is totally petty of me, but it really hurt my feelings.
Are you kidding me? Of course it's not petty. Her actions are completely alienating. There's nothing worse than making someone feel left out on purpose.
My MIL has been driving me up the wall for a few reasons spanning over the course of 2 months so far.
Telling me and BF that if the baby is a girl, it WILL have the same middle name as her deceased mother. And if she was born on May 5th, she would HAVE to have the EXACT SAME name as her mother because that was the day she died. And that we were DEFINITELY having a girl because there was a reason that she and my BF weren't crying on her birthday (which was a few days prior to our appointment). "Because she's inside of you." Needless to say I was put off. I'm giving birth to my and BF's first baby, not the reincarnated spirit of her mother.
Showing up to my/my mother's apartment uninvited with my BF's Pitbull because of a fight they had. She knew I couldn't take him but brought him over and said, "Either you take him or I am just going to let him go." This was during a time that my MS was horrible and I had just gotten off of work. She didn't give a damn and when my mom told her she didn't appreciate MIL just dropping this on her, MIL just kind of shrugged and went, "Sorry." And left.
She had asked BF what our plans for Christmas were. Mind you all, we have literally JUST moved into our own apartment and have had A LOT going on so we weren't exactly on top of Christmas planning. BF text her that we weren't sure because we were waiting to see what my Mom was doing. Well, he accidentally called my mom, "Mom" instead of saying "Lexi's Mom" and she threw a FIT. Saying that if he wants her out of his life all he has to do is say so and how she feels like an afterthought and he really broke her heart. She even signed off the text with, "The Other Mom." ALL THIS OVER A TYPO.
Several snide comments toward my mother because this is MIL's first grandchild but not my mom's. They were heading back for the Ultrasound and she made a comment along the lines of, "You must not be very excited since you've already done this before." And after that appointment, I told her I didn't want a girl because, jokingly I said, I am surrounded by too much estrogen (We have mostly girls in my family) and she told me, "If you ever get tired of your mom, I have an extra room." I told her that is not at all what I meant and she goes, "Still I know what it's like if you ever need to get away."
I am not a huge fan of her lately and I told BF if she keeps being petty and disrespectful, I don't want to be around her and he is in full agreement. I'm probably overreacting but she's the type of woman to do something nice and then use it as leverage to make you feel guilty. On top of the fact that she insists on starting drama over absolutely nothing. I have no patience.
Today at MIL's house, myself, MIL and DH are all rushing around trying to get everything together to leave for Christmas dinner. LO is in his car seat on the floor. MIL says, "he's bored on the floor, he has nothing to look at except the cabinets, we should put him on the counter so he can look around..."
Today at MIL's house, myself, MIL and DH are all rushing around trying to get everything together to leave for Christmas dinner. LO is in his car seat on the floor. MIL says, "he's bored on the floor, he has nothing to look at except the cabinets, we should put him on the counter so he can look around..."
I bet he would have loved it if you put him on the roof of the house.
My mil likes to call my husband about once a week crying because she feels like she doesn't see the baby much and she's gonna miss out on so much. They live 45 minutes away. She got upset bc she saw pictures I posted on Facebook of a Christmas party we went to and the baby was all dressed up...said she's gonna miss out on things. First of all they were out of town in another state that weekend and second does she think she's gonna come to a party with us with my friends? Lady this is your grandchild not your child. You've already raised your children. So after she calls once a week crying then my husband feels bad and wants for us to go do something so she can keep him by herself. I've let this happen a few times but I'm done. This week we went to the movies so she could watch him and she comes over and forgets her phone. We don't have a landline. I ask her this every time she comes over to watch him...do you have your phone. I'm not leaving my child with someone without a phone. And if you can't keep up with something so simple as a phone how can you keep up with a baby?! Drives me crazy.
I could write on this post every. Damn. Day. Anyway, it's almost Christmas, cool! Last year around this time, I was helping my MIL decorate her house. My boyfriend's brother had just gotten married and my MIL was making a stocking for his new wife. She told me this story about when she first got married her own MIL had made her a stocking to help her feel like part of the family and that's why she was doing it for her DIL. Fast forward to this year, both they, and my boyfriend and I have had a baby. My MIL has made new stockings for both of the babies, but not one for me. Apparently the fact that her son and I aren't married disqualifies me from actually being a part of her family, even though I'm her grandson's mother and she gets pissy with me when she doesn't think she sees him often enough. Maybe this is totally petty of me, but it really hurt my feelings.
Totally not petty. My husband and I got engaged last year, got married in September and our son came early in October. For my SIL shower who had her son in April, my MIL got the crib, dresser set, car seat, stroller, extra base, pump and multiple little items. For my shower she showed up with a mug full of coffee and vodka. I understand the hurt! It's upsetting and made me feel like my son wasn't as important. Same situation happened for x mas! Dirt nothing, not to be greedy but it seriously hurts a girls feelings
My situation is not a mil situation, but a FIL. Yesterday he put on a slideshow of pictures of our daughter and made a big deal about it for us to watch and he had pictures of him and my mother-in-law with the baby on there together and individually, pictures of the baby and my husband that they had taken on their phones. All her newborn photos that my husband and I took with the exception of the pictures of just me and the baby, those were all intentionally left out. It hurt my feelings really bad and it was the first thing that happened when we got to their house. I didn't know what to do so I just kept my mouth shut and told my husband when we got home, he said he's going to talk to his mother but I'm not sure that that'll help. They don't really like to own what they do and try to make it seem like an accident or somehow I misread the situation. And honestly my mother-in-law tends to be super passive aggressive towards me whenever my husband isn't around so that she can try to play us against each other or make it seem like I'm the rude one. And his dad is clearly more blunt.
He believes me and knows that my feelings are hurt and for a very valid reason and wants to stand up to his parents, I'm just really nervous about how the situations going to play out. I honestly don't know how such a good man came from these two people.
My MIL is the sweetest, and I really do love her dearly. But if I hear one more time her asking if I'm coming home while my husband is gone for training... Like, I get that in theory it sounds great. Since my husband will be gone over a month, go back home so that I have family help and everyone can meet him. But that's like $1,000, a 10 hour flight alone with my 2 month old, plus we would have to figure out something for our dogs. Not to mention all the gear my little dude uses that I'd be without for a month. It's just not practical, and I've been saying that since I was like 6 months pregnant. And every time when the answer is no, it's like brand new information. I know my husband really doesn't help things much because he will say things like "I don't think it's going to work out" which leaves room for question as to whether it'll happen. Don't get me wrong, I really, really wish that I were going home. But I'm not. Me and Waylon will be holding down the Homefront here, sorry.
My MIL is the best, really, but sometimes she says things that make me feel really awkward. When we found out we were having a girl, she went on and on about how much more fun girls are than boys for buying baby clothes, and now that LO is out, she keeps commenting on how awesome tiny babies are (she was 6lbs2oz at birth) compared to big ones. Why does this all make me feel awkward? Because she has a grandson! Who came out really big! And another, likely big, grandson on the way. I know she loves him dearly, but it makes me feel weird that she's basically saying she prefers babies like my LO over the baby her other grandchild came out as. Maybe I'm just overly sensitive, b/c I actually wanted a boy at the start (though I wouldn't trade my little girl for the world!), and I think my nephew is the cutest kiddo ever.
I was changing his diaper and MIL ran over and said "oooh I want to see his little peepee! I haven't seen it yet!"
So weird.
Yes! Why is this a "thing"?! Every time I change my son and someone is over, they follow me to my bedroom (where the changing table is) and want to watch. Can my naked son have some privacy?
Apprently not. I guess she took LO blowing bubbles for foaming of the mouth? I wish I knew what runs through her head..
I joke with my husband about our baby having rabies when he is blowing a bunch of bubbles. But we are both totally aware that our son isn't rabid, haha
MIL- "I think that's a sign of rabies, I told you not to let the cats get too close to her"
Me- "no, I think that's a pretty normal milest...."
MIL- "I'm going to google rabies symptoms."
You've should've taken LO straight to her and wiped her saliva on her and said "Oh no!!! Now you have rabies. You should leave and get that checked out!!!!"
Re: Things my MIL says
Not 5 minutes later she was telling me about a family member who switched her baby to formula and they started getting terrible diaper rashes. She said, "if that is what it does to their skin imagine what damage it does on the inside." My husband then pipes in, "yes, because it's not natural."
I could have spit fire. Why does no one care about how miserable I am?! Both nipples now literally are bloody and have chunks missing out of them. I don't need you to tell me if I decide to formula feed I'm increasing the risk of SIDS, illness etc.
I haven't done it, it's clean looking and will fall off when it falls off.
Yeah, all those comments would piss me off. There is offering advice or suggestions, and there is nagging and criticism.
Sounds like your mil falls into the latter of those.
We're going over to her place tonight and tomorrow, so I'm sure I'll have more to contribute to this thread then!
My MIL has been driving me up the wall for a few reasons spanning over the course of 2 months so far.
- Telling me and BF that if the baby is a girl, it WILL have the same middle name as her deceased mother. And if she was born on May 5th, she would HAVE to have the EXACT SAME name as her mother because that was the day she died. And that we were DEFINITELY having a girl because there was a reason that she and my BF weren't crying on her birthday (which was a few days prior to our appointment). "Because she's inside of you." Needless to say I was put off. I'm giving birth to my and BF's first baby, not the reincarnated spirit of her mother.
- Showing up to my/my mother's apartment uninvited with my BF's Pitbull because of a fight they had. She knew I couldn't take him but brought him over and said, "Either you take him or I am just going to let him go." This was during a time that my MS was horrible and I had just gotten off of work. She didn't give a damn and when my mom told her she didn't appreciate MIL just dropping this on her, MIL just kind of shrugged and went, "Sorry." And left.
- She had asked BF what our plans for Christmas were. Mind you all, we have literally JUST moved into our own apartment and have had A LOT going on so we weren't exactly on top of Christmas planning. BF text her that we weren't sure because we were waiting to see what my Mom was doing. Well, he accidentally called my mom, "Mom" instead of saying "Lexi's Mom" and she threw a FIT. Saying that if he wants her out of his life all he has to do is say so and how she feels like an afterthought and he really broke her heart. She even signed off the text with, "The Other Mom." ALL THIS OVER A TYPO.
- Several snide comments toward my mother because this is MIL's first grandchild but not my mom's. They were heading back for the Ultrasound and she made a comment along the lines of, "You must not be very excited since you've already done this before." And after that appointment, I told her I didn't want a girl because, jokingly I said, I am surrounded by too much estrogen (We have mostly girls in my family) and she told me, "If you ever get tired of your mom, I have an extra room." I told her that is not at all what I meant and she goes, "Still I know what it's like if you ever need to get away."
I am not a huge fan of her lately and I told BF if she keeps being petty and disrespectful, I don't want to be around her and he is in full agreement. I'm probably overreacting but she's the type of woman to do something nice and then use it as leverage to make you feel guilty. On top of the fact that she insists on starting drama over absolutely nothing. I have no patience.
>He believes me and knows that my feelings are hurt and for a very valid reason and wants to stand up to his parents, I'm just really nervous about how the situations going to play out. I honestly don't know how such a good man came from these two people.
So weird.
My MIL is the best, really, but sometimes she says things that make me feel really awkward. When we found out we were having a girl, she went on and on about how much more fun girls are than boys for buying baby clothes, and now that LO is out, she keeps commenting on how awesome tiny babies are (she was 6lbs2oz at birth) compared to big ones. Why does this all make me feel awkward? Because she has a grandson! Who came out really big! And another, likely big, grandson on the way. I know she loves him dearly, but it makes me feel weird that she's basically saying she prefers babies like my LO over the baby her other grandchild came out as. Maybe I'm just overly sensitive, b/c I actually wanted a boy at the start (though I wouldn't trade my little girl for the world!), and I think my nephew is the cutest kiddo ever.
Every time I change my son and someone is over, they follow me to my bedroom (where the changing table is) and want to watch. Can my naked son have some privacy?
MIL- "I think that's a sign of rabies, I told you not to let the cats get too close to her"
Me- "no, I think that's a pretty normal milest...."
MIL- "I'm going to google rabies symptoms."