November 2015 Moms

Things my MIL says

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Re: Things my MIL says

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  • elbouelbou member

    Ugh...so my MIL is usually wonderful, but today she made some pretty insensitive comments when she came by to take DD1 for her homework time.

    A quick background...MH has been having a hard time adjusting to yet another surprise baby (go do something if you don't want more, genius) so I waited for a while to give him some time to adjust to the idea before telling people. Yesterday, we went out for an early Father's Day dinner as MH will be away and so will FIL. I figured that would be a good time to tell them, so we shared the news during dinner.

    Today, she comes over and starts asking if I have a plan for getting my older two to school on time, and making sure homework will be done, because "MH probably won't be able to take the time off like he did before". (Oh really? We haven't even talked about that yet, so why would you assume that he can't take any time off?) She keeps going on about needing a plan, which then led to he's having a hard time adjusting to the idea of 4 kids, and did I plan it? (Umm, how do you think *I* planned another baby without his input?) So I told her that it was a complete surprise to all of us, which slowed her down momentarily, but didn't stop her. Next she started commenting on how it would be different if I was like his aunts, because they at least organized their kids and scheduled them and could get things done. (She was referring specifically to my housekeeping skills here, in addition to implying that I won't be able to manage 4 as I can barely manage 3....gee thanks for repeating every criticism your son has ever had about me. Seriously, how is telling me I can't do it helpful!? Not to mention that the people she was comparing me to have dishwashers to help them clean the kitchen (which is where most of my housekeeping difficulties lie) and less kids to start with, gah!) I was fuming by the time she left.


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  • My MIL is a hair dresser and a licensed massage therapist ( don't know how to write it). Now in my second tri she said she could help with my pain from the back all down to my toes . Well she called me this morning at 9 am...after i was awake until 4 am am wakeing up at 6:30 when my boys left. Went back to sleep at 8:20 am...so yeah....when finally got to sleep the phone rang. I just didn't answer. But she called my h and he called me . I was thinking at murder. After that she wanted to come over. I told my h that i really want him home when she comes because i'm to nice to tell her something and he keeps her in line. We live 5 minutes away but see her 1 time/month. In 3 y and 3 m I don't really know her. Our parents met at our wedding, 2 y in our relationship ....so.... and she just pushes her ideas on me: go out, move,eat that, breastfeed give birth by v. First of all it is to hot and i've almost fell a few times. Since then i go out when it is cool ....not to often....i can't move much because of my dysplazia actually I have a hip dysplazia malformation of my spine and cervical dysplazia; i am in pain and a lot of movement does that even more. I eat what I can! Being sick is not pleasent and she knows that since she told me how horible her pregnancy was with my h. Breastfeeding or not is my choice. I had a horible experience with DS. And vaginal birth is out because of the HPV active virus. Sorry for the long post.
  • elbouelbou member

    Ugh...so my MIL is usually wonderful, but today she made some pretty insensitive comments when she came by to take DD1 for her homework time.

    A quick background...MH has been having a hard time adjusting to yet another surprise baby (go do something if you don't want more, genius) so I waited for a while to give him some time to adjust to the idea before telling people. Yesterday, we went out for an early Father's Day dinner as MH will be away and so will FIL. I figured that would be a good time to tell them, so we shared the news during dinner.

    Today, she comes over and starts asking if I have a plan for getting my older two to school on time, and making sure homework will be done, because "MH probably won't be able to take the time off like he did before". (Oh really? We haven't even talked about that yet, so why would you assume that he can't take any time off?) She keeps going on about needing a plan, which then led to he's having a hard time adjusting to the idea of 4 kids, and did I plan it? (Umm, how do you think *I* planned another baby without his input?) So I told her that it was a complete surprise to all of us, which slowed her down momentarily, but didn't stop her. Next she started commenting on how it would be different if I was like his aunts, because they at least organized their kids and scheduled them and could get things done. (She was referring specifically to my housekeeping skills here, in addition to implying that I won't be able to manage 4 as I can barely manage 3....gee thanks for repeating every criticism your son has ever had about me. Seriously, how is telling me I can't do it helpful!? Not to mention that the people she was comparing me to have dishwashers to help them clean the kitchen (which is where most of my housekeeping difficulties lie) and less kids to start with, gah!) I was fuming by the time she left.

    This is like "everybody loves Raymond" except when it is real life it's soooo not funny lol
    Is it like a specific episode or the show in general? I've never watched Everybody Loves Raymond, but now I'm intrigued. :)


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  • elbou said:



    elbou said:

    Ugh...so my MIL is usually wonderful, but today she made some pretty insensitive comments when she came by to take DD1 for her homework time.

    A quick background...MH has been having a hard time adjusting to yet another surprise baby (go do something if you don't want more, genius) so I waited for a while to give him some time to adjust to the idea before telling people. Yesterday, we went out for an early Father's Day dinner as MH will be away and so will FIL. I figured that would be a good time to tell them, so we shared the news during dinner.

    Today, she comes over and starts asking if I have a plan for getting my older two to school on time, and making sure homework will be done, because "MH probably won't be able to take the time off like he did before". (Oh really? We haven't even talked about that yet, so why would you assume that he can't take any time off?) She keeps going on about needing a plan, which then led to he's having a hard time adjusting to the idea of 4 kids, and did I plan it? (Umm, how do you think *I* planned another baby without his input?) So I told her that it was a complete surprise to all of us, which slowed her down momentarily, but didn't stop her. Next she started commenting on how it would be different if I was like his aunts, because they at least organized their kids and scheduled them and could get things done. (She was referring specifically to my housekeeping skills here, in addition to implying that I won't be able to manage 4 as I can barely manage 3....gee thanks for repeating every criticism your son has ever had about me. Seriously, how is telling me I can't do it helpful!? Not to mention that the people she was comparing me to have dishwashers to help them clean the kitchen (which is where most of my housekeeping difficulties lie) and less kids to start with, gah!) I was fuming by the time she left.

    This is like "everybody loves Raymond" except when it is real life it's soooo not funny lol

    Is it like a specific episode or the show in general? I've never watched Everybody Loves Raymond, but now I'm intrigued. :)


    Lol mostly the show in general, Marie is awful to her daughter in law Debra and sounds just like your mil!!

  • So happy my MIL is a sweet old lady :). I could see this happening with my family though but seriously I think they now better to say anything like that to me :) my SILs won't say anything to me either but they might say something to my husband. Good thing is with my in laws we only see each other 2-3 times a year so there's no point in being catty :)
  • SJFTCASJFTCA member
    @bjwatras What a horrible thing to say! I can't imagine the pain of a miscarriage, and then to be reminded of it during what should be a happy time and a time of celebration! I've posted earlier that I have some minor issues with my MIL too (she definitely hasn't said things that have really hurt my feelings, just pissed me off and made me concerned about her watching my child). And while my husband is steadfastly supportive of me, he is close with his family and an only child, so I just try to refrain from complaining to him or making him feel like he's in the middle. He wants to be the one who speaks with his mom about things she says that are out of bounds...has your SO said anything to his parents about your feelings being hurt and maybe encouraged them to be more sensitive?
  • My Mother in Law is only concerned about my boobs growing. I am a small chested women and they haven't changed much during pregnancy. Last time I saw her she made this comment after I said my belly is growing, "Anything else growing?" And looked at my chest. Yikes!
  • What doesn't she say that pisses me off ?! Lol I want a girl super bad ! She keeps saying how is my grand SON doing ? I can't wait to meet HIM? Your showing ALREADY? (I'm almost 20 weeks ).... Don't gain too much weight ...
  • elbou said:



    elbou said:

    Ugh...so my MIL is usually wonderful, but today she made some pretty insensitive comments when she came by to take DD1 for her homework time.

    A quick background...MH has been having a hard time adjusting to yet another surprise baby (go do something if you don't want more, genius) so I waited for a while to give him some time to adjust to the idea before telling people. Yesterday, we went out for an early Father's Day dinner as MH will be away and so will FIL. I figured that would be a good time to tell them, so we shared the news during dinner.

    Today, she comes over and starts asking if I have a plan for getting my older two to school on time, and making sure homework will be done, because "MH probably won't be able to take the time off like he did before". (Oh really? We haven't even talked about that yet, so why would you assume that he can't take any time off?) She keeps going on about needing a plan, which then led to he's having a hard time adjusting to the idea of 4 kids, and did I plan it? (Umm, how do you think *I* planned another baby without his input?) So I told her that it was a complete surprise to all of us, which slowed her down momentarily, but didn't stop her. Next she started commenting on how it would be different if I was like his aunts, because they at least organized their kids and scheduled them and could get things done. (She was referring specifically to my housekeeping skills here, in addition to implying that I won't be able to manage 4 as I can barely manage 3....gee thanks for repeating every criticism your son has ever had about me. Seriously, how is telling me I can't do it helpful!? Not to mention that the people she was comparing me to have dishwashers to help them clean the kitchen (which is where most of my housekeeping difficulties lie) and less kids to start with, gah!) I was fuming by the time she left.

    This is like "everybody loves Raymond" except when it is real life it's soooo not funny lol

    Is it like a specific episode or the show in general? I've never watched Everybody Loves Raymond, but now I'm intrigued. :)


    The whole show lol it's on Netflix it is a hoot!
  • LOL!!! Agreed!
  • Thought I would update on my WONDERFUL mil.

    We had our anatomy scan today. We didn't find out the sex, we didn't want to. This is common knowledge to anyone who knows us. We asked the sonographer to only take photos of the top half (MIL is a sonographer too...) Anyway. Show MIL the photo and she says,

    "Oh looook. I can see its sex! Haha how wonderful, I know and you don't!"

    Now tell me she's not an absolute nasty b&@?!

    So now she knows. We don't. And also she's going to tell everyone that she knows but she's not allowed to tell them. I can't believe I was stupid enough to show her the photos. Fuming doesn't even cover it.
  • mamavbs said:
    Thought I would update on my WONDERFUL mil. We had our anatomy scan today. We didn't find out the sex, we didn't want to. This is common knowledge to anyone who knows us. We asked the sonographer to only take photos of the top half (MIL is a sonographer too...) Anyway. Show MIL the photo and she says, "Oh looook. I can see its sex! Haha how wonderful, I know and you don't!" Now tell me she's not an absolute nasty b&@?! So now she knows. We don't. And also she's going to tell everyone that she knows but she's not allowed to tell them. I can't believe I was stupid enough to show her the photos. Fuming doesn't even cover it.
    That's bull!  Is there any way she is just saying that to get your goat and she can't really tell? 
    YCSWU 




  • mamavbs said:
    Thought I would update on my WONDERFUL mil. We had our anatomy scan today. We didn't find out the sex, we didn't want to. This is common knowledge to anyone who knows us. We asked the sonographer to only take photos of the top half (MIL is a sonographer too...) Anyway. Show MIL the photo and she says, "Oh looook. I can see its sex! Haha how wonderful, I know and you don't!" Now tell me she's not an absolute nasty b&@?! So now she knows. We don't. And also she's going to tell everyone that she knows but she's not allowed to tell them. I can't believe I was stupid enough to show her the photos. Fuming doesn't even cover it.
    Wow!  That sucks.  Unless it's a clear shot between the legs I doubt she can tell.
  • My MIL thinks we should buy a house..to give some background. Me and my husband are buying our own business and i grew up in a small town..im a country girl. She has found the house we should buy,its intown on main street.and shell buy it and we can pay her...were still owe half a mill in our family run drive in movie theatre..so yeah i work with his father,step mother,and brother. She recently moved here from florida to help us wuth the business cuz it not going well. Movie companies are greedy bastards setting standards and price points leaving us to either be greedy and ruthless or close down. So now my mil & step father in law now work with me too and guess whos training her. Then to top it off she askes me how much weight ive gained(im not a big girl but i got curves) i just look bigger but im 17weeks only gained 8pound and im proud.
    now shes talking about watching her next summmer while i work rhinking im going to let her stay over night..i work 6days a week and sleep weird hourd from 4am to12pm. Its like i work second shift..if she thinks im leaving my baby(FTM here) with her for six days cuz when do i go pick her up at noon( i cant get her after work shed have to sleep their )and drop her off at 7 so i can go to work thats not happening. Ill quit and get a day job before i let her keep my kid all week only seeing my baby on my one day off.
    me and my husband are discussing me getting new hours doing office work but its like she already has it planned out. When she brought it up i knew she was right but now shes buying a crib and wants a nursery for her house..but and heres the cherry. Shes leaving for florida this fall when we close for 6 months i cant wait!
  • @modanz1 @wulfpackgirl I'm seriously hoping she's just being a bitch and trying for a reaction. Trust me, I've bitten my tongue so hard it's almost bleeding. No there's no clear leg shots so I don't know what she thinks she can see? But i won't know until I pop now and she can just agree and say "yes exactly what I thought".
  • mamavbs said:
    @modanz1 @wulfpackgirl I'm seriously hoping she's just being a bitch and trying for a reaction. Trust me, I've bitten my tongue so hard it's almost bleeding. No there's no clear leg shots so I don't know what she thinks she can see? But i won't know until I pop now and she can just agree and say "yes exactly what I thought".
    What a bitch.
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  • @VexyMommy :x right?!?! Thank you!
  • mamavbs said:

    Thought I would update on my WONDERFUL mil.

    We had our anatomy scan today. We didn't find out the sex, we didn't want to. This is common knowledge to anyone who knows us. We asked the sonographer to only take photos of the top half (MIL is a sonographer too...) Anyway. Show MIL the photo and she says,

    "Oh looook. I can see its sex! Haha how wonderful, I know and you don't!"

    Now tell me she's not an absolute nasty b&@?!

    So now she knows. We don't. And also she's going to tell everyone that she knows but she's not allowed to tell them. I can't believe I was stupid enough to show her the photos. Fuming doesn't even cover it.

    Wow. Just wow. I got angry reading that! Who the hell does that?!
  • KeHill08 said:

    mamavbs said:

    Thought I would update on my WONDERFUL mil.

    We had our anatomy scan today. We didn't find out the sex, we didn't want to. This is common knowledge to anyone who knows us. We asked the sonographer to only take photos of the top half (MIL is a sonographer too...) Anyway. Show MIL the photo and she says,

    "Oh looook. I can see its sex! Haha how wonderful, I know and you don't!"

    Now tell me she's not an absolute nasty b&@?!

    So now she knows. We don't. And also she's going to tell everyone that she knows but she's not allowed to tell them. I can't believe I was stupid enough to show her the photos. Fuming doesn't even cover it.

    Wow. Just wow. I got angry reading that! Who the hell does that?!
    I felt my blood pressure rise a little bit from reading that too...(which is probably good, my OB is threatening bed rest because my BP is so low). I can't stand people like that. I'm sorry :( and how you said she'll probably be like "just as I thought" I would straight up slap her if she was mine. Yuck! Here's to patience and self restraint!
  • I'm sure I've commented on here before so this is probably my second or third complaint. Background: me and my husband are buying our first home (far sooner than expected due to the surprise baby and living. In a studio flat currently) we have enough for our deposit on a small 2 bed town house just but are still scrimping for the solicitors fees. And haven't though about buying baby anything yet. Anyway. My sil is getting married next month (to a guy she met in January...and got engaged to 6 weeks later because she couldn't stand her brother being married first....if she had other was shed of got married two weeks after getting engaged as that was the week before us) now anyway... It's all been bearable and everything. Although she and my mil are furious that Im having the first grandchild, but last week we went round for dinner and they pulled out a list and a waistcoat. We smiled and Mat tried on the waistcoat, which was unfortunately too big (they could have texted me and I would have told them the size of the waistcoat from our wedding...) so they rang up and tried to swap for a smaller size. OK all good. My mil then said "so if you could pay us for it by Saturday that would be great" I was surprised (as we had bought everyone their waistcoats for our wedding, and we are nowhere near as well off as his sister or his mother) but I said oh ok how much. She said she couldn't remember and would text me later. So I left it. They then dropped that mat has to buy a new suit for the wedding.... I couldn't believe this. Their theme is dark grey and purple... Our wedding suits were dark grey. We hadn't asked ANYONE to get new suits for our wedding. (We are a small church community and it shouldn't matter) we asked them o try and have grey but not to worry. And we bought mats dad a suit as a gift. Admittedly we chose cheap suits..£75 which is great value, but still.... At this point I kinda said...but mats is grey...we don't have the money really with this house stuff going on. To which they just shrugged it off and said its only £135... But you should get a new shirt too- the ones the men are wearing are £32 so I'll take you Monday. I said we couldn't go Monday as we were working and we would look into a suit but at the moment we have less than £30 a week after saving left over and if they'd let us know earlier it might have been more possible. This didn't go down well. Obviously. But I couldn't believe how much they'd started reeling off for us to spend. That's not all... Then mil says oh and we told Scott (future sil) to book your place on the stag do. This made my blood boil. I immediately spoke in a loud voice and informed her... We told Scott that he was working that day and that Mat hates paintballing so would meet up for the meal. She just went oh. Scott said to me later that he'd told our mil that and shed insisted that he'd decided to book the day off. So now we hAve to pay £85 out of respect as Scott's paid, £25 for the meal plus may has to drive an hour and a half to get to where the meal is. So so far the tally that they're expecting us to pay in less than 1 week is £282. Plus I have his sisters hen do to pay for this Saturday to (another meal so add £30) and it's my brothers birthday tonight-(not that I begrudge birthday meals but with his present and meal that's £40) then yesterday I got the text about the waistcoat- £35 and we will have to pay for alterations as it doesn't fit and there are no smaller ones! I was fuming. I'm basically currently on the verge of paying nothing except the waistcoat. Sad thing is that Scott and my sil probably know nothing about the money that's been asked of us.
  • Eugh.

    Well after a whole evening of brooding on this god awful woman & deciding if we should just kick off and have it out with her (again!)... I've decided just to live and learn from it. We know we can't trust her and we need to remember that from now on.
    Also, I'm hoping these experiences are going to make me a better MIL one day. Being on the receiving end of a bitch makes me definitely not want to be one. I don't want to be the nightmare that my kid's partners fear! I WILL be a better mil than what she is to me!!!
  • My MIL is usually the sweetest and I love her but she keeps asking me if i'm sure there's 'only one in there' and whether the doctor told me I was 'measuring large at my last appointment'.   Good gracious! My doctor didn't even examine me at my last appointment because she said I look great and baby's heartbeat is great and that she's not worried about anything. sheesh
  • My fiancé's aunt tried telling me I needed to baptize my son when he was only 2 days old and that she would get it done etc. I did baptize my son but there were specific people who I was going to have as my sons godparents. My son has no idea who she is. His family also refused to go to the babyshower my mother threw for me even though I specifically said that I wanted both families there because my son has 1 family not 2. So the same aunt threw her own. Despite the fact that I told her she was doing it way to late. Well I ended up going into labor the day of and had my son the same day of the shower she had. Ha! My MIL and her family think that her family is better then mine. & surprisingly it is a race issue. She's white & I am Mexican & Puerto Rican. Funniest part is her husband is Mexican! The things that come out of her mouth you wouldn't believe! Ugh. Sorry about the long rant. They drive me nuts.
  • Mine just wants to live with us after the baby is born. Like sooo bad.
    My mother tho...she's the interesting one. She asks for a bump photo every day and if I don't answer the phone when she calls, she automatically thinks I'm in danger and that something bad happened to the baby. Crazy women.
  • Unfortunately we tried saying no this weekend (started with just the waistcoat alterations) it just ends in "well it's necessary so we will put it on the credit card and you can pay us later" I put my foot down with that. They do it constantly and I HATE owing them money. What can you do but make the best of situations hey.
  • I'm so thankful after reading these stories that I have such a good mother in law. Her and my FIL have gone above and beyond for us and I can never thank them enough for all they do.
  • I'm so tired of families in general right now. We've chosen to take Bradley Method and take the natural approach and our family just makes fun of it and thinks it's ridiculous that were doing it. My SIL just had a baby last year and chose epidural, I never once told her about the possible complications or told her she was making the wrong decision (which I don't believe it is- it's just not the route I feel safest with) it's just BS. It makes me want to just distance is from them because I'm tired of feeling judged and made to feel stupid. Ugh. Okay, feeling slightly better
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