@kalesix3 comforting to know all is well but still such a disappointing experience! I'm trying to get in for an ultrasound later this week so 🤞 it's a different place than my usual so I'm definitely nervous that I don't know what to expect.
@thescarletmom oh that's so nerve wracking, my best advice is don't assume they'll give you any information/pictures and ask them to, I didn't think I needed to ask and now I wish I had. But I hope it goes so smoothly and you don't have to bring up normal protocol. Let us know how it goes, I'll keep my fingers crossed for a good outcome and some much needed placenta movement 💜
@francesgs ahhh how cute!!!! We have no animals since our two pities passed away a few years ago. DS and I always lobbied for another dog. DH always said no way. They our good friends got a dog who is very hyper and my son HATES him. So, he also says no dog now. *SIGH*!
TTC History:
Started dating DH 2006 . Married 2015
TTC July 2015-November 2015
BFP November 2015 Baby boy born August 2016
Oops BFP February 2021 MMC March 2021
Back on BC for a year to decide what we want to do.
@kalesix3@thescarletmom love these responses. My son always measured right on track and was born on his due date at a perfect 7lb 2oz. This baby measures more and more ahead at every scan. Most recently he was 8 days ahead and the MFM doctor gave me a little speech about my diet and exercising, etc. I am a little nervous but hopefully it all ends up okay with no c-section *fingers crossed*.
TTC History:
Started dating DH 2006 . Married 2015
TTC July 2015-November 2015
BFP November 2015 Baby boy born August 2016
Oops BFP February 2021 MMC March 2021
Back on BC for a year to decide what we want to do.
@ReadyForaB I have so much faith that he will be the perfect size, I know a lot of times a baby measures huge on ultrasounds they're actually not that big at all, several of my friends had that happen, one of the babies who started measuring 2 weeks ahead was born at 6lb12oz 12 days overdue so the estimates were really wrong. Anyways all that to say do what feels good to your body with exercise but I hope the stress won't get to you too badly. It's possible your son's growth will slow up further along, my son's did, he was dropping down into the high 50th percentiles in the last month or so when traditionally he had hung out in the 70s and 80s the whole rest of the pregnancy.
What the heck, I don't understand insurance and the billing system AT ALL. My NT ultrasound was $2500 and insurance covered all of it and my copay was only $30 for the drs visit, but my anatomy scan was $1300 and I just got the bill and my insurance only paid $800 so I'm being slapped with a $500 bill for a literal mandatory routine scan, how does that make sense? It must be a deductible thing but I hadn't met my deductible with my son's anatomy scan either and my copay was like $85 for that. 😵💫
@kalesix3@ReadyForaB apparently with my SIL (she's 10) they told my MIL that she was like 11+ lbs and if she had a vaginal birth, the baby would break her shoulder 🥴 girl was barely 9lbs when she was born via c-section. And c-section babies usually weigh a bit more because they don't have all the extra fluid squeezed out in the birth canal! So waaaay off. And my "big" (measured ahead) baby was literally the most average 7.5 lbs. I simply do not understand the purpose of stressing people out about baby's size when we truly don't have an accurate way to measure that late in pregnancy, especially if there are no other concerns.
@kalesix3 same exact thing happened to me! NT scan was billed around 90 bucks, my anatomy scan was a full 500. In my case I do know it's bc I had met my deductible for 2022 at the time of my NT scan.
Insurance in the US is inexplicable, I have given up trying to understand it. 🤦♀️
@kalesix3 I'm sorry your ultrasound went that way!! Thats awful, I'm so sorry! @thescarletmom I really hope yours goes well and you get the news you're hoping for!! @ReadyForaB I agree with all the other comments!! Doctors are always stressing people out with measurements!
A friend of mine had a 10lb 8oz baby. The baby was measuring normal the entire time. Imagine her surprise! Her next was 11+. She had both vaginally. I find the scans more stressful than helpful because as accurate as they may be in some areas, in others they are not. I just make sure there are 4 chambers and all the parts and hope for the best. Also to determine just by the size of the baby something bad would happen at birth is crazy. My friend is normal sizes and birthed those babes just fine.
My mom had a c-section with her first because baby was SOO big. He wasn't even 8 lbs.
Strangely enough the size of the baby never worried me with any pregnancies. Maybe naively.
@thescarletmom yeah some babies just don't measure accurately at all, mine have but that still doesn't keep me from my largely irrational fear spirals about size and percentiles. It's hard too because I'm nodding along agreeing with your every word but I still have zero chill about myself, so I can't tell anyone not to worry but there is a huge chance measuring ahead is going to be no big deal.
@peyts228 ugggh it's the worst, I didn't need a $500 bill right now on top of everything else, sign. I know my deductible wasn't met with my son's anatomy scan and I didn't have a NT ultrasound with him either so go figure, something must be different this year.
@hitcj4687 thank you, I'm really bummed 😔 hopefully the next one goes better.
@kalesix3 it is exceptionally hard not to project your personal experiences and traumas onto life as a whole! It shifts your perspective on everything. And I am definitely the type of person where I think and believe one way, but when it comes down to ME things are different so I get it. Anxiety spirals aren't logical and you can't stop them with logic - every once in a while either me or DH will have to remind the other of that fact when we try to comfort with cold hard facts and the brain just doesn't care to hear them haha. I'm sorry you have to wrestle with the cognitive dissonance of your sincerely held beliefs and your trauma telling you something different 🩶 it can be very lonely to live in the middle.
Also boo to the scan bill 👎 my insurance for our whole family is company sponsored, so we don't pay premiums, but the plan doesn't pay a dime until we hit our massive deductible for the year so it's almost like we don't have insurance and I hate it 🙃
@thoseboysmama I definitely have never worried about size of my babies, but there are plenty of people who have tried to convince me to be, which is a bummer. It's always more hurtful than I think is intended because it just comes across as "your body can't do this/isn't good enough/etc." Just like all the people who told me I would be begging for an epidural when I told them I wanted an unmedicated birth 🙄 even if I mentioned that my first birth was unmedicated and I survived lol. I think a lot of it is just projecting fears, based or not, onto other people.
@thescarletmom why is it other people care so much about other people and how they manage pain in labor or don't? Lol. I never could understand. I'm the first in line for an epidural but I'm fully aware other women don't need or want one and I'd never assume they "can't handle it"! What the heck lmao. People are so weird to me! Bummer to a big deductible! Insurance is such a scam 😂😂 it's ridiculous
@hitcj4687 my personal theory is people care because misogyny thrives when instead of supporting each other, women are pitted against each other, not only that but the loudest mouthes about how women will be BEGGING for an epidural are male doctors who have no idea what it's like to birth a human 🤦🏻♀️ imagine what all of us could do if there was no debate or comparison between breastfeeding and formula feeding or pain management vs none in labor? We'd be so powerful together but nope, instead we have endless cliques online and in mom groups and each one thinks their way is the right way, it's really sad. I love unmedicated labors but it's not a flex and I don't do it for a medal of suffering, I got an epidural after my first birth for my placenta removal/ hemorrhage and I swear never again unless there's no other option, it was HORRIBLE. It wasn't the first time my body reacted really poorly to pain relief but it was the most scary, it was supposed to wear off and didn't until 21 hours later, I thought my legs were paralyzed forever, that experience was worse than a long labor in every regard and I never want to experience that powerless feeling in my own body. I think at the end of the day birth is hard, however anyone wants their experience to be is the right choice regardless of what everyone thinks and especially a Dr who's clueless lol.
@thescarletmom exactly 💯 it's such a weird space to be in, I know sooner or later if I'm able to keep having babies I'll have one whose growth is a personal trigger and I hope when the time comes I'll have the strength to be able to heal some of my fears. Also that sucks so much about your deductible, I hate insurance as a system so much, what's the point if you're forking out thousands of dollars a year anyways, if we just didn't have any insurance prices for random things wouldn't be nearly so ridiculous and that's my Ted talk lol 😆
@hitcj4687 it's so weird! I've known women who did NOT want an unmedicated delivery and for one reason or another, end up having one anyways. And most of them have said that it was awful, but admitted that a huge part is expectations/preparation. They *expected* to have that pain management and so they hadn't practiced other pain management tools and felt helpless and lost. So it's no wonder it would be a terrible experience! I think we've done women a disservice by not teaching maaany avenues of pain management, because then we don't know they exist and that we can use them. And even if you *want* an epidural with all the options laid out in front of you, what if it doesn't work? Nobody deserves a birth that feels out of control and like they have no options to manage their pain levels.
@kalesix3 the people who told me I'd beg for it most definitively and rudely were all nurses (my dad, sister, and DHs aunt) 🙄 i hate how medical misogny seeps into every part of the system. I don't do epidurals for a number of obvious reasons with the whole homebirth thing lol but even if I had hospital births I wouldn't because I hate needles 🙅♀️ big NO. It also has some roots in wanting to be in charge of my own body and controlling my personal experience, but nothing to do with a holier than thou mentality or badge of honor for me either!
I stressed out so much about the baby’s size in my first pregnancy because of my GD. With poorly controlled GD babies can get big, but not usually all over, they tend to have a much larger abdominal circumference than other measurements, which is why they at higher risk of shoulder dystocia. So of course my baby’s abdominal circumference measured 2 weeks ahead of her head, even with good blood sugars. And my Aunt who developed diabetes when she was pregnant did not have a good outcome which was always at the back of my mind.
It’s a lot easier to not worry about the measurements now that I’ve had a couple average sized babies and uncomplicated births vs the first pregnancy when everything seemed more uncertain.
Honestly that’s one of the most frustrating parts of being a doula. Either all these people being intentionally misinformed or just generally not knowing because no one talks about how normal birth really is. Big babies can be normal, small babies can be normal, over due, early, cord wrapped, hours of pushing the list goes on and on.. I meet with so many women who are so scared because our culture talks about birth as something that needs to be treated, rather than a natural function of a human body. (To be fair, there are high risk situations that do need “treatment”) Half my job is just giving people information and helping them confront fears. No matter how they choose to birth, there always seems to be some amount of information that got lost in translation somehow.
@pttomato the first time is always the scariest when you don't know what to expect or how *your* pregnancies and babies tend to be, all you have to go on is other people. My mom terrified me telling me about her labor and delivery experiences (and telling me that since I was her daughter I was basically doomed to the same). I spent a lot of time worrying about forceps and vacuums and days-long inductions, blah blah. None of it ended up being remotely relevant to me experiences and I don't worry about those horror stories anymore. But damn did it eat at me with my first.
@bridgettetheboxer birth culture in the US (and honestly lots of other developed countries too, medical misogyny isn't exclusive to us) is just so messed up. I've had sooo many people tell me they're terrified to be pregnant and that they are leaning towards not having kids exclusively for that reason. It's a disservice to raise women to be terrified and not empowered by what their bodies can do and experience. I won't say pregnancy and birth is easy or always pretty, but the overarching theme of fear and disempowerment is a disease of the system. Misinformation, lack of information and informed consent, women being talked to like they don't have options, brains, or authority over their own body. That's the biggest issue to me. Not whatever choices someone makes for their birth, but whether or not they actually feel like they got to choose in the first place and had access to information about all their options. Ugh. I could soapbox for hours about it but I'll spare y'all. I get fiesty
@thescarletmom yes to all of that!! I truly will support you in however you choose to birth as long as I know that’s actually what YOU choose. Information is power.
@bridgettetheboxer our birthing culture is awful in America. I feel people trust medicine and whatever version of science is medically accepted, and nothing else. I have found the people in my life with the most medical experience have had the worst births. I don't find that to be a coincidence. On the other side of the spectrum the most granola type also seem to have worse births. I feel there is a happy medium and just succumbing to the birth Gods and knowing what will happen will happen. You really can't control too much. Just your mental during. Every birth even with the same mama is so different in their own ways.
@thescarletmom I feel like people project their own views onto you. Even if you are polar opposites. I had a friend who was not able to have any babies naturally try to convince me it is not possible and just get the juice. I think in a way it was her not wanting to see someone else succeed where she felt she had failed. Even though there is no failing IMO in birth. You bring a life earthside.... how fucking amazing women are!
@thoseboysmama It’s particularly difficult when you had ideas about how you wanted your birth to go and then it has to change due to things beyond your control. I had planned on having my first at a birth center with a midwife, didn’t want any interventions. And then I was risked out fairly quickly and ended up with an induction. It was a little hard at first to hear about how wonderful people felt about their natural births when I couldn’t have that.
By the third time around I went into pregnancy knowing that I will have complications and interventions so at least my expectations are more in line with how it’s going. It’s still a little tough sometimes and I will have moments where I wish I could experience an uncomplicated pregnancy, but so far each one has been easier to cope with at least.
@pttomato I can fully understand that. I think that the key is to just go in knowing no matter what you dream of or hope of, there is very little you can control.
I definitely had a in my head version more so with my 1st than the others, but I also had a mantra of this too shall pass and what happens happens. Baby coming safely is priority. As is meeting them at the end of it.
I know no matter how you view birthing you will have an idea of what you want and hope for and that's completely natural. But we as women need to be graceful to ourselves when it comes to child birth. Which is not an all to easy thing to do. We have hopes and it can be a very emotional and somewhat disappointing thing. 1 of mine was very disappointing and it made me quite sad. But snuggling that baby after made it all better.
@francesgs@bridgettetheboxer maybe there is something to this because I HAVE to eat cereal every morning and sometimes for dinner, haha! I was the same way when when I was pregnant with my son. My go to is honey nut cheerios and, more recently, honey and oat cheerios.
TTC History:
Started dating DH 2006 . Married 2015
TTC July 2015-November 2015
BFP November 2015 Baby boy born August 2016
Oops BFP February 2021 MMC March 2021
Back on BC for a year to decide what we want to do.
@ReadyForaB Sometimes when I’m cooking dinner I’ll be thinking to myself that I really want cereal instead haha The other day my husband offered to take me to lunch when I already had my heart set on cereal and so I sat there eating my lunch sad (on the inside) just thinking about my cereal lol
@francesgs I know 😂 trying to get ready for the baby and moving is such a clusterfuck honestly, I feel like this dang move has been a raincloud hanging over me for months at this point. Just get it over with because I have stuff to do 😂 For me it's chocolate honestly, I want chocolate cake, chocolate milk, chocolate chip cookies, double fudge brownies, everything. I'm not a huge chocolate fan normally, like occasionally is fine but this is like next level craving. Whenever I start craving something specific I usually figure out which nutrient I'm missing and try to supplement with more of it, but I've upped my magnesium consumption which is usually tied to chocolate cravings and it hasn't helped at all so I don't even know 😂 I had cereal cravings with my son but this time around I can't stomach it at all.
Interestingly enough with my daughter I craved chocolate milk constantly and eating peanut butter made me violently sick and with my son's pregnancy I couldn't stomach chocolate milk and couldn't get enough of peanut butter and cereal and this time around peanut butter and cereal make me so sick and all I want is chocolate and chocolate milk so that's been fun lol. Have any of you noticed you're getting identical cravings from previous pregnancies?
@kalesix3 Yes to the identical cravings.. my chocolate craving with my daughter didn’t hit until the third trimester.. I had to have double chocolate fudge brownie ice cream like every night. I craved some chocolate at the very beginning of this pregnancy for a very short time. Also, Trader Joe’s has the best chocolate raspberry swirl ice cream… it’s amazing. It’s chocolate ice cream swirled with raspberry sorbet and it is perfection.
For me, I craved pineapple with my first and I crave pineapple with this and honestly just sour fruits in general. So like green apples, raspberries etc. Cereal as well 😂 and ice cream. All duplicate cravings!
@francesgs I don't live by any trader joes but that ice cream sounds so amazing! I haven't been able to eat ice cream during any of my pregnancies without throwing up immediately, I can do sorbet but nothing dairy, and of course as soon as I'm pregnant I want to eat ice cream 😂 last pregnancy I ate a lot of raspberry sorbet pops and would break off the dark chocolate and throw it in the trash and this pregnancy I bet I would inhale the chocolate 😂 I was ridiculous! @hitcj4687 I wish I was craving green apples and pineapple, I would feel so much healthier, I'm sure these chocolate cravings are doing my weight gain and my anxiety zero favors 🤦🏻♀️
These conversations around birth freedom of choice and informed consent are so important! Honestly, since experiencing my own pregnancies and educating myself on the type of birth experience I wanted, I really had to check myself because if I'm being totally honest - I really struggled with not low-key judging my friends who opted for medicated births or wanted c sections from the moment they found out they were pregnant. (Definitely not talking about pregnancies with complications) Part of me felt like 'if they only had more information' and their ideas around labor and birth weren't 'warped' by our misogynistic/ straight up racist medical system that maybe they could imagine a different option. But after really checking in with myself I realized I can't be an advocate for freedom of choice and informed consent without wholey accepting that other people can and should be able to chose whatever interventions they are comfortable with. My best friend had initially wanted an unmedicated birth and then ended up having an epidural, plus additional interventions, including a vacuum assisted delivery. I truly supported her and never passed a word of judgement towards her decisions. I remember after I had my second daughter (a homebirth with really fast labor), she made a comment about 'how lucky' I was that I was able to do that and asked if I thought it was the red raspberry leaf tea that made my births so...easy/ uncomplicated. And in my head I was like - wtf? Like, I spent so much time and energy educating myself, actively practicing strategies to support the birth experience I wanted and sought out birth professionals who I know would support me in my choices. Like dang- if only it were that easy 🫠. I also totally get that sometimes decisions around birth and labor have to be guided by medical professionals and who the hell am I to think I know better (when it comes to other people's situations). So much to unpack with these conversations!
I'm on the carbo bandwagon over here. Like give me all the cereal, sourdough toast and more recently I'm just obsessed with cinnamon raisin sprouted bagels with cream cheese. I pretend because they have a good amount of protein that I can subsist on those alone. I'm also having a really hard time keeping up with my water. I don't usually have this issue, but recently it's just really grossing me out.
@sunny_native14 , I couldn't have said it better. My stepsister without hesitation schedules her c section for 2 weeks before due date. An image thing but also a I don't want to be in labor thing. And I dont judge her for it. It works for her and her babies. I personally dread the thought of one, but gladly welcome intervention when necessary. We are very fortunate to live in a time with soo many options and so many life saving tools. When they are used to rush nature, I disagree. But to each their own and thankfully so.
I have been advocating for myself for a VBAC this entire pregnancy. I've been doing everything I can think of to try to prep my body for a new experience at delivery. I've been doing exercised to help, trying to eat well, drinking raspberry leaf tea, listening to podcasts, watching videos, prepping my mind for what's to come. And I still keep finding people saying things to me like, "well if you have a csection" and it's actually upsetting to me. The amount of people that assume I just won't be able to have a vbac is slightly insulting. There is nothing wrong with having a c-section, I've had one. I didn't want it and had I been better educated at the time of my delivery, maybe things could have been different for me. This time, I'm going in with a different mindset and information that may be able to help me through a successful vaginal delivery. It's such a sensitive topic for me. The amount of people who have said "oh her delivery was easy cuz she just had a c-section"... what about major abdominal surgery is easy? It's rude! Nothing about birthing a baby is easy, no matter which way it ends up. Medicated or natural, c-section or vaginal, induced or spontaneous labor... it is HARD WORK and we are bringing humans into the world at the end of the day. I don't know if I have much of a point to this, those are just my thoughts lol.
@kalesix3 honestly sorbet sounds soo good. I wish I wouldn't keep craving ice cream. I do eat a lot of fruit right now but I've been loving carb heavy dinners and lunches. I can say for sure I am eating way better with this baby than I did with my first. I was in the drive thru line on a regular basis with my first, consuming so much junk. I am way more mindful this time around. And now I wish I had fruit in front of me but instead I'm with a client at the dentist's office
I think everyone here is coming from a good place and has tried to check in with themselves about biases. But for the benefit of any other members or FTMs whose experience might be closer to mine: the valorization of natural birth can be hurtful to those of us who did not have that experience or that option. Or, who simply made another choice.
I was as prepared as anyone possibly could be, but my son's delivery did not go as I would have liked. And it's not because I wasn't educated on my options, or I didn't have the right birth team in place, or I wasn't in the right position, or any other reason that places blame on the birthing person.
I've been open about the fact that I will have a C-section this time, and I hope any other members on this board who will have a C-section, a medicated birth, or a medically assisted birth know that their choices and their deliveries are valid and brave, too.
Re: February Randoms
TTC July 2015-November 2015
Baby boy born August 2016
Oops BFP February 2021
MMC March 2021
Back on BC for a year to decide what we want to do.
TTC Since March 2022
MMC June 2022
BFP September 2022 - Due June 2023!
TTC July 2015-November 2015
Baby boy born August 2016
Oops BFP February 2021
MMC March 2021
Back on BC for a year to decide what we want to do.
TTC Since March 2022
MMC June 2022
BFP September 2022 - Due June 2023!
Insurance in the US is inexplicable, I have given up trying to understand it. 🤦♀️
@ReadyForaB I agree with all the other comments!! Doctors are always stressing people out with measurements!
@peyts228 ugggh it's the worst, I didn't need a $500 bill right now on top of everything else, sign. I know my deductible wasn't met with my son's anatomy scan and I didn't have a NT ultrasound with him either so go figure, something must be different this year.
@hitcj4687 thank you, I'm really bummed 😔 hopefully the next one goes better.
@thescarletmom exactly 💯 it's such a weird space to be in, I know sooner or later if I'm able to keep having babies I'll have one whose growth is a personal trigger and I hope when the time comes I'll have the strength to be able to heal some of my fears. Also that sucks so much about your deductible, I hate insurance as a system so much, what's the point if you're forking out thousands of dollars a year anyways, if we just didn't have any insurance prices for random things wouldn't be nearly so ridiculous and that's my Ted talk lol 😆
TTC July 2015-November 2015
Baby boy born August 2016
Oops BFP February 2021
MMC March 2021
Back on BC for a year to decide what we want to do.
TTC Since March 2022
MMC June 2022
BFP September 2022 - Due June 2023!
For me it's chocolate honestly, I want chocolate cake, chocolate milk, chocolate chip cookies, double fudge brownies, everything. I'm not a huge chocolate fan normally, like occasionally is fine but this is like next level craving. Whenever I start craving something specific I usually figure out which nutrient I'm missing and try to supplement with more of it, but I've upped my magnesium consumption which is usually tied to chocolate cravings and it hasn't helped at all so I don't even know 😂 I had cereal cravings with my son but this time around I can't stomach it at all.
@thescarletmom @bridgettetheboxer I agree with all of what you said so much!
@hitcj4687 I wish I was craving green apples and pineapple, I would feel so much healthier, I'm sure these chocolate cravings are doing my weight gain and my anxiety zero favors 🤦🏻♀️
My best friend had initially wanted an unmedicated birth and then ended up having an epidural, plus additional interventions, including a vacuum assisted delivery. I truly supported her and never passed a word of judgement towards her decisions. I remember after I had my second daughter (a homebirth with really fast labor), she made a comment about 'how lucky' I was that I was able to do that and asked if I thought it was the red raspberry leaf tea that made my births so...easy/ uncomplicated. And in my head I was like - wtf? Like, I spent so much time and energy educating myself, actively practicing strategies to support the birth experience I wanted and sought out birth professionals who I know would support me in my choices. Like dang- if only it were that easy 🫠. I also totally get that sometimes decisions around birth and labor have to be guided by medical professionals and who the hell am I to think I know better (when it comes to other people's situations). So much to unpack with these conversations!
I'm on the carbo bandwagon over here. Like give me all the cereal, sourdough toast and more recently I'm just obsessed with cinnamon raisin sprouted bagels with cream cheese. I pretend because they have a good amount of protein that I can subsist on those alone. I'm also having a really hard time keeping up with my water. I don't usually have this issue, but recently it's just really grossing me out.
@kalesix3 honestly sorbet sounds soo good. I wish I wouldn't keep craving ice cream. I do eat a lot of fruit right now but I've been loving carb heavy dinners and lunches. I can say for sure I am eating way better with this baby than I did with my first. I was in the drive thru line on a regular basis with my first, consuming so much junk. I am way more mindful this time around. And now I wish I had fruit in front of me but instead I'm with a client at the dentist's office
I was as prepared as anyone possibly could be, but my son's delivery did not go as I would have liked. And it's not because I wasn't educated on my options, or I didn't have the right birth team in place, or I wasn't in the right position, or any other reason that places blame on the birthing person.
I've been open about the fact that I will have a C-section this time, and I hope any other members on this board who will have a C-section, a medicated birth, or a medically assisted birth know that their choices and their deliveries are valid and brave, too.