@kboydbowman totally understandable! I have had a few clients that I've styled when they're 34+ weeks and I'm like well....by the time you get this, you'll wear it twice and then have a baby. You'll have better options when you're not pregnant anymore too!
@babyodo you are in the same situation as I was with DD. She was the first grandchild on DH side. They would tell everyone how I was going to leave her there the entire summer. Buy her all these random useless things before we had even reached the second trimester. They always seemed to have a say on how I was going to labor or how they were going to be at the hospital the minute we checked in. They live 1.5 hours away. They are our closest family. A lot of this very quickly changed before I even gave birth. They told DH that they were going to bring him dinner when we checked into the hospital. They never showed up. Told us the next day they couldn’t come meet her because they had an appt with the a/c guy. They’ve had her overnight three times in her almost four years of life. They can easily go months without seeing her or us. The last time they had her overnight we had to go pick her up at 3am because she was too much to handle. Sorry I went off. I guess I’m trying to say don’t let it get to you too much. I think once the reality of everything sets in once your LO is born she’ll calm down a lot. In theory they have all these plans but the reality of executing those plans is a lot harder to do. Especially with an 11hour drive.
@babyodo I agree not to let it get to you too much because things will likely calm down. My SIL had the first grand baby for my in laws and they were crazy during her entire pregnancy. They lived in NV and she lived in MN, but they wanted to fly out there the instant she went into labor. My advice is let your husband know when you want guests visiting after the baby is born. My SIL didn’t want guests right away, but I guess her husband wasn’t that clear with his parents and they ended up going to visit when they baby was less than 2 weeks old after she had been in the NICU for 8 days, it was less than ideal for my SIL! I explicitly told DH that I didn’t want any guests for 3 weeks after our son was born. His parents listened and came to visit when our son was a month old. They actually live in the same town as we do now and I was so worried about it when they moved here, but it’s been fine. They help out when we need it, but aren’t overwhelming like I imagined they would be so things could definitely change once your baby is here.
@babyodo the distance thing is hard. My ILs only see my daughter 2-3x per year because they are 18 hours away. They don't make an effort to FaceTime or anything and I don't feel like it's my place to push that, so my daughter (and BILs kids too) dont really know them. Then MIL gets upset when they come in town and her grandkids don't want to like pose for pictures with her and stuff. They are toddlers and you are a stranger, what do you expect? 🙄 It's uncomfortable but we just deal with it since it's so rare that it happens. SIL and I have bonded over it actually.
@carrotsandpeas3 Same. My toddler who sees my mom maybe twice a year but FaceTimes with her all the time will willingly hang out with her when she visits. When we go see my in laws they get butt hurt that she doesn’t feel comfortable right away. She’s still the only grandkid on their side so we just deal with it alone. I wonder if they’ll be the same way with my SIL’s kids once she has some.
Thanks, ladies. I almost snapped at MH the other night and said, "I'm going to need your brothers to get to it so she has other grandkids to focus on." His older brother (he'll be 44 this year) got married 3 months after us and they've been trying for a LO since they got married and have had two losses, so I know it's hard for them. His younger brother (he'll be 34 this year) got married last summer and they have no plans to start TTC anytime soon, even though his wife is a bit older than me (she'll be 38 soon). Both couples live less than fifteen minutes from where MIL & FIL live, so they're very close and see each other all the time, too, so I'm sure once they start having kids then they'll get to do all the things with them, but for now, their focus is on us and our LO.
I know his parents have waited a long, long time for grandkids, and so the thought that they're not getting any younger is like a ticking clock for them. My FIL (72 y.o.) is almost totally deaf and his eyesight is starting to go, so that adds another facet to all of this, too. It's just added pressure on us to get in as much grandparent time before they're gone.
@babyodo silver lining though is that there are other children and future grandchildren close by them to focus on, without that, who knows but they might actually try to buy a house right down the road from you like mine are threatening us with.
@kalesix3 My in-laws DESPERATELY want to move closer. They’re in Indiana and all 5 of their grandkids live in the greater Seattle area. We don't see it happening because of the dramatic difference in cost-of-living, but I take comfort in the fact that if somehow they could manage to make it happen, it will be in an area that is much closer to my SIL than it is to us. Yes, it would be nice to have them be not most of the way across the country, but I could see my MIL wanting to babysit and my FIL popping in unannounced and neither of those would go over very well with me.
See, my mom is planning on moving here soon, but those plans were in motion before we even started TTC last year, since my stepdad is deployed to the middle east and she wanted to be closer to family and resources for my brother who has MS and my nephew who is on the autism spectrum. They live in rural KY right now, so resources are limited, and they were just getting ready to put their house on the market when we found out we were expecting, but the pandemic put a damper on that. This will be my mom's 8th grandchild, so she's familiar with everything and isn't putting as much pressure on us as MH's parents are.
And oh my goodness, I would feel endlessly guilty if my ILs decided to uproot and move here. They've lived in the same house since before MH was born. And my SIL (the one who has experienced 2 previous losses) pulled me aside when we were there for MH's other brother's wedding last summer when she found out we were TTC, and she not-so-gently told me how upset she'd be if I got KU before she did. It was an awkward time, but we've patched things up. Especially after my loss last October, I think it made her realize that our journey is not their journey. So, if MH's parents moved here to be around us and left both brothers and their wives behind, I'm sure we'd never hear the end of it. It would be WW3.
That’s a bummer that a lot of your families aren’t nearby! I feel pretty lucky that my mom and grandparents (who are like my parents too) are only 1.5 hours away. But this social distancing has really been hard not seeing them as much as we’re used to except for FaceTime. DH’s family lives 3 hours from us so we only see them at holidays and he isn’t as close with his dad and stepmom as I am with my family, but when we are there they talk for hours on end I guess to make up for it 🤷🏼♀️
You guys wouldn’t believe how hard it was to find a steam cleaner around here! I wanted the Bissell Little Green Machine and everyone was sold out, and amazon wouldn’t deliver it until June. But kohl’s actually had one here in town when I looked online so I did order pickup today! Can’t wait to clean my nursery glider cushions after I finish my lunch!
My mother retires at the end of June, and both she and I are very excited that consequently she will be able to come out for a couple months at the end of my pregnancy and after the baby is born. She lives in North Carolina and I live in California, so we only see each other about twice a year. This will be her second grandchild. My brother and his wife live about fifteen minutes from mom's house, so she gets plenty of regular grandchild time. The boy person's parents are deceased and he really had no living relatives, so that's a non-factor here (as he says, "you're carrying my only family." Talk about pressure!).
Current pregnancy - First BFP on 1/4/22. Due date 9/13/22.
Four prior losses, no living children - 1 first trimester miscarriage, 1 blighted ovum, 1 chemical, and one extreme premature live birth daughter who died at 15 days old.
My mom lives about 1.5 hours away and pre-pandemic she came every Thursday morning to watch DD while I work, stay overnight, and watch her on Friday. Then she leaves Friday afternoons. (This is while I work from home Thursday & Friday.)
MIL has never lived outside a 20-mile radius but we have the first grandchild... She and FIL are going through a divorce and she applied for a CEO job up here, got it, and then turned it down. Then she applied for another one at the beginning of this so that hiring is on hold...but I really don't want to get my hopes up AGAIN. DH's sisters both live near her and she does a lot for them. FIL has also mentioned moving here, and I like him, but I don't think he would be helpful so I'm kind of just indifferent about that.
This is completely random but thought I'd share--sandals are buy one get one free at target right now! 🙌 Ordered some nice sandals for DD 3 weeks ago and they apparently got lost in the mail and everything is 2-3 weeks out that I tried to order as of today. It's supposed to be mid 80s here this weekend, so I needed to find her something. Braved target for my first non grocery trip since probably February.
I'm with everyone on the far away parents, my mom and dad bought a house for retirement in TN a few years before I even know I could conceive. It's gorgeous there, but a 19hr drive. My MIL lives 2 hrs away, but is trying to moving less than 30 mins away. I love her, but I love her a lot more at 2hrs warning rather than "imma just stop by". One of my SIL lives in town, but shes super independent. Biggest issue is that my H is the oldest of 6 (hes 40) and still this is the first grandbaby. So my MIL has been waiting for this for a long time and his sisters are over the moon.
I mentioned my in-laws but my own parents are very geographically close. We bought a house last fall that is 3-5 minutes away from the house I grew up in, which is where they still live. It is a huge gift; we bring our toddler to them daily so we can continue working, and they’re watching him Saturdays right now while we work on the nursery. They would NEVER “just stop by” which is key. We do wish we lived a little closer to my SIL and her kids, but it’s way better since they moved up to WA from CA. We haven’t seen them since January because my nephew does have immune issues.
@babyodo that sounds like an absolute nightmare TBH. I don't understand why anyone feels they have a right to tell someone else they can't get pregnant before they do.. chill tf out people and care more about your own lives, thank you 😂
@baseballismyfavoriteseason yeah my SO is an only child.. so there's no other kids to take the pressure off or to split the craziness between. Though recently MIL has just been saying things like "where you live is so awful" "I couldn't stand it out there" and "you need to move back here NOW". So as long as she thinks there's a snowballs chance in hell that we'll move back to DC, she's not focusing on buying a house so much but gosh I'm worried she's going to do something stupid with the market being in a prime spot. Seeing her once a year is plenty. I'm already dreading telling them about this pregnancy and I've put it off until I'm in the third trimester just so we all deal with her less.
Sorry I've been MIA, it's been abother crazy week! Can't wait for Monday off and the H got Tuesday off as well as a freebie from his company so I decided to take the day as well, yippie!
Anatomy scan went well, the technician wasn't too happy about H face timing, she was awfully quiet the whole time. OB sent me a message on the portal the next day to let me know everything looks great, phew! This baby is definitely bigger than my son but thankfully not a giant, she is between 55-67 percentile for all the measurements. Very active! The pictures the tech gave me suck...I'm considering going to a private US place I used with my son and get a longer, more fun US that H could attend. Since it's a private, small place, they allow partners. We'll see! @themoonandme could that be an option for the baby's parents?
@carrotsandpeas3 omg our rocker is totally fine and new but Lord knows I am in love with a different one I saw on Amazon and now I want it so badly! All this talk about rockers isn't helping! @mamahosch glad you found the steam cleaner I was going to suggest that. @baseballismyfavoriteseason like @aefsparrow said, you're the one up nursing so you deserve a comfy chair!!!
@babyodo sorry for the IL drama. First grandbabies are always a lot of pressure... regarding the pump, good choice and don't worry, like others have said you really don't need to learn until you have the baby and at least in my case they showed me how to pump at the hospital!
My parents are in Europe and my IL are in Texas so we are very independent. I have to say both sets are extremely supportive financially- against our will. But we are both only children so their argument is who else are we going to spoil? Now there's grandbabies! They visit as much as possible but covid clearly delayed plans. My IL bought a motor home last year so they plan on visiting here soon, they can park it by our house and they would only have to interact to get gas which seems overall pretty safe ... we'll see!
I'm also nervous about breastfeeding because I do not enjoy it one bit but hopefully it's a bit easier this time around.
Sorry for the word vomit lol, I gotta try to check on more now that the app works! Forgot 3 positive news! One, MY PLACENTA MOVED!!no longer previa, just anterior. Two, we decided spur of the moment to take my son's paci away for night time and naps and he has done amazing without it! I got emotional about it like a dummy. He has taken a bit longer to fall asleep on the first two nights but that's it. So proud of him!
Lastly, and this is silly...we got our Ikea order in one day like @baseballismyfavoriteseason! I was able to cancel the order I placed and made a new one that arrived the next day for the same shipping price. So we enjoyed dinner in the yard, my son loved his picnic table, and we now only have to put together the dresser. Progress!
With distance of parents I think I win. My parents and My boyfriend and I share a duplex. We moved here last year, and there have definitely been some boundary issues that have had to be set.
It has also been a great move for many reasons. We live in Southern California, and would not be able to afford a place that would be good for a kid. So if we didn’t move here I would not be on this message board because we wouldn’t have tried to conceive. They have also offered to wash cloth diapers, and baby sit if we need it. So it’s definitely has its pluses and minuses.
We are also closer to his mom by making this move. She went from being about a 4 hour stressful drive to being about a 2 hour easy drive. She is very happy we’re within driving distance for her again.
Both our families have 4 grandkids each already, so we definitely don’t have the issue many of you are having.
I got the official call this morning that I am going back to work in person on June 1st! Maybe an UO but I am excited. I'm ready to not just be sitting in zoom meetings all day and back to doing my real work.
@morethanamama so glad your placenta moved! I Am definitely going to wait a month or two and go to a private place for better pictures. Plus they allow both DD and MH which would be awesome.
@morethanamama yes the cleaner worked so great! I could only find a Bissell stain remover machine that just uses hot water and cleaning solution rather than steam but it was great! The cushions are refreshed and no more stains I used Clorox wipes to wipe down the frame too because it was grimy and gross lol.
You guys I felt baby this morning finally!! 😭😭😭😍😍😍 I was stretching in bed and suddenly I felt 3 little pokes on my left side! DH brought me cereal in bed because he thinks baby was telling me he or she was hungry 😂
Anyone getting their hair dyed while pregnant? I have an appt scheduled in a couple of weeks but MH thinks it’s not good for the baby. It didn’t even occur to me but I figured I’d ask.
@babycakesday I don't dye my hair but I think the general thought is just not to do it in first tri. Once you are out of the major organ development period, I think it's considered pretty safe. Please correct me if anyone knows otherwise. I thought we had a hairstylist in here maybe?
@babycakesday I think I’ve read the same as @carrotsandpeas3... actually I think I read it on The Bump! But I am not 100% sure. Can you send your dr an email?
@babyodo ooh nice! Ours is such a pain to clean and my DS had some feeding issues too that is when isI really looking into other options but we haven't changed to a different still hehe. That's so tricky about your in laws. 11 hours is a good buffer I wouldn't worry as much about what they say now too either. My parents had plans on coming every month and then my mom was supposedly visiting every other week when lil man was born. My mom did that twice. My parents did pretty much come 1x a month but the other visits didn't happen. And my parents are only in NY. My in laws make ambitious claims too and are 20 min away but we only see them if we go to them. Family dynamics are so tricky
@morethanamama that's all so exciting!!! Placenta moving is so wonderful!!! AndWAnd a speedy Ikea delivery woohoo! What age is the ikea table good for?
@babycakesday so I have neon hair, so I've been doing ALOT of reading on this. The biggest cautions are to avoid developer or bleach on your scalp. Your hair strands themselves are fine, but the duration that the bleach and developer based dye would stay on your scalp causes a higher level of absorption. You should call ahead and ask your colorist if they can use a non-developer based dye, like a semi-permanent color. They dont have the same kind of chemical base and act more like a stain than a dye. It will fad a bit faster, but is much safer. My plan since I cant bleach my roots is to have her do a dark root base with a lightened ombre with low lights to help tie in my (now much darker) tone. Also make sure you are in a well ventilated location in the salon. They may also need to do strand tests as your hair may react differently to everything they normally use.
Thanks ladies. I did send my Ob an email so I’ll report back what she says. My stylist is doing appt only and even offered to come to me if I felt safer than going into the salon. She said she’s dyed plenty of pregnant women’s hair. I’ve been going gray since my mid twenties and this is the first time in awhile that my gray roots are showing!
Does anyone have experience going to an uber formal wedding, in the summer, while pregnant? What did you wear? I have no experience with formal weddings, I've only been to two weddings and they were both more local park events and people wore jeans.. so I'm really out of my depth.... I've looked on Pink Blush but all the dresses either look super casual or bridesmaid-y and I can't find anything that seems appropriate especially that's enormous boob size friendly. I have until July to figure it out but I am panicking. Please send help!
@kalesix3 maybe try Rent the Runway? I know they have some maternity stuff but I'm not sure if that includes formal gowns. They are pretty good about their descriptions, so you may be able to find something non-maternity that will work too!
@kalesix3 depends on what you mean by uber formal. Here are a few I found on pinkblush that I think could work. I've been looking as well because I have a wedding in September. I'm waiting though because the bride told me they are still deciding whether to push it back or not with COVID.
@themoonandme I totally forgot about rent the runway! Maybe I can grab a few dresses to try on and see what looks great, I just watched a try on from a fashion blogger with their maternity dresses so I don't know why I didn't think of that, thank you!
@carrotsandpeas3 I'm not entirely sure I know what that means either, tbh. That was what we were told the dress code was, the ceremony is at a huge old Catholic church and the reception is at a farm... So my summer floral wrap dresses are probably too casual.. but I don't want to look like a bridesmaid either. I really like those dresses you found, the mauve one is my favorite, I'm so worried it's maybe too fancy? I like the solid bodice options you linked because that will allow me to wear a supportive bra, so many nice maternity dresses have an open or sheer back 😫
Also I have a few of the convertible dresses like the last one you linked, I can't figure out how to wrap them to be supportive with a strapless bra so I scrapped the idea but maybe I should try again if all else fails
@kalesix3 I've been to a crazy number of Catholic weddings, and although they can vary in their fanciness, I think you could get away with more casual especially if the reception is at a farm. I really like the mauve one too but it also probably looks the fanciest, and I hate feeling overdressed. I had some friends mark their wedding as formal a while back and later found out that was because they were just trying to prevent some of their family from showing up in shorts. There were still people there in shorts. 🤦 I think as long as you are in a dress that doesn't look like you are headed to the beach/resort, no one will probably bat an eye. Also agree with wanting to wear a real bra by that point in a pregnancy! Definitely something that is important to consider.
@kalesix3 I’d say wear what you can. My husbands mother died while I was pregnant with DD. The dress I wore was black with bright flowers on it. I felt bad but I couldn’t find anything else to wear. All of the women in the family felt it was more than appropriate. Several of them said you’re heavily pregnant and your choices are super limited. So i guess what I’m saying is I think as pregnant women it’s okay to wear what’s available. Just do your hair and makeup nicely and wear some nice shoes and I don’t feel like anyone will judge you.
@babycakesday are you able to balayage your hair instead of all over dye? Then the color itself won’t touch your skin at all. That’s what I’ve always done with my hair. I too have a ton of gray.
Current pregnancy - First BFP on 1/4/22. Due date 9/13/22.
Four prior losses, no living children - 1 first trimester miscarriage, 1 blighted ovum, 1 chemical, and one extreme premature live birth daughter who died at 15 days old.
@kalesix3 I did 6 weddings in one year and my solution was to text the bride 2 or 3 dress options and asked her which she would prefer I wear for the ones marked "formal". That way I got to pick dresses I was comfy in, and also know at least the bride would be happy.
Re: May Randoms
I know his parents have waited a long, long time for grandkids, and so the thought that they're not getting any younger is like a ticking clock for them. My FIL (72 y.o.) is almost totally deaf and his eyesight is starting to go, so that adds another facet to all of this, too. It's just added pressure on us to get in as much grandparent time before they're gone.
Due with baby #2: Feb 2022
And oh my goodness, I would feel endlessly guilty if my ILs decided to uproot and move here. They've lived in the same house since before MH was born. And my SIL (the one who has experienced 2 previous losses) pulled me aside when we were there for MH's other brother's wedding last summer when she found out we were TTC, and she not-so-gently told me how upset she'd be if I got KU before she did. It was an awkward time, but we've patched things up. Especially after my loss last October, I think it made her realize that our journey is not their journey. So, if MH's parents moved here to be around us and left both brothers and their wives behind, I'm sure we'd never hear the end of it. It would be WW3.
Due with baby #2: Feb 2022
First BFP on 1/4/22. Due date 9/13/22.
MIL has never lived outside a 20-mile radius but we have the first grandchild... She and FIL are going through a divorce and she applied for a CEO job up here, got it, and then turned it down. Then she applied for another one at the beginning of this so that hiring is on hold...but I really don't want to get my hopes up AGAIN. DH's sisters both live near her and she does a lot for them. FIL has also mentioned moving here, and I like him, but I don't think he would be helpful so I'm kind of just indifferent about that.
DD - 12/28/17
TTC #2 3/2019
BFP 5/2019 || MC - D&C 5/2019
BFP 2/2020 || EDD 10/10/2020
@baseballismyfavoriteseason yeah my SO is an only child.. so there's no other kids to take the pressure off or to split the craziness between. Though recently MIL has just been saying things like "where you live is so awful" "I couldn't stand it out there" and "you need to move back here NOW".
So as long as she thinks there's a snowballs chance in hell that we'll move back to DC, she's not focusing on buying a house so much but gosh I'm worried she's going to do something stupid with the market being in a prime spot.
Seeing her once a year is plenty. I'm already dreading telling them about this pregnancy and I've put it off until I'm in the third trimester just so we all deal with her less.
Anatomy scan went well, the technician wasn't too happy about H face timing, she was awfully quiet the whole time. OB sent me a message on the portal the next day to let me know everything looks great, phew! This baby is definitely bigger than my son but thankfully not a giant, she is between 55-67 percentile for all the measurements. Very active! The pictures the tech gave me suck...I'm considering going to a private US place I used with my son and get a longer, more fun US that H could attend. Since it's a private, small place, they allow partners. We'll see! @themoonandme could that be an option for the baby's parents?
@carrotsandpeas3 omg our rocker is totally fine and new but Lord knows I am in love with a different one I saw on Amazon and now I want it so badly! All this talk about rockers isn't helping! @mamahosch glad you found the steam cleaner I was going to suggest that. @baseballismyfavoriteseason like @aefsparrow said, you're the one up nursing so you deserve a comfy chair!!!
@babyodo sorry for the IL drama. First grandbabies are always a lot of pressure... regarding the pump, good choice and don't worry, like others have said you really don't need to learn until you have the baby and at least in my case they showed me how to pump at the hospital!
My parents are in Europe and my IL are in Texas so we are very independent. I have to say both sets are extremely supportive financially- against our will. But we are both only children so their argument is who else are we going to spoil? Now there's grandbabies! They visit as much as possible but covid clearly delayed plans. My IL bought a motor home last year so they plan on visiting here soon, they can park it by our house and they would only have to interact to get gas which seems overall pretty safe ... we'll see!
I'm also nervous about breastfeeding because I do not enjoy it one bit but hopefully it's a bit easier this time around.
Lastly, and this is silly...we got our Ikea order in one day like @baseballismyfavoriteseason! I was able to cancel the order I placed and made a new one that arrived the next day for the same shipping price. So we enjoyed dinner in the yard, my son loved his picnic table, and we now only have to put together the dresser. Progress!
Both our families have 4 grandkids each already, so we definitely don’t have the issue many of you are having.
@mamahosch yay for baby kicks!
@babycakesday I think I’ve read the same, and also to let your stylist know you’re pregnant because sometimes you can react differently.
especially that's enormous boob size friendly.
I have until July to figure it out but I am panicking. Please send help!
https://www.pinkblushmaternity.com/p-47490-mauve-sequin-bodice-tulle-maternity-dress.aspx?DepartmentID=1
https://www.pinkblushmaternity.com/p-38065-navy-blue-lace-overlay-maternity-maxi-dress.aspx?DepartmentID=1
https://www.pinkblushmaternity.com/p-24922-teal-pleated-chiffon-lace-top-maternity-maxi-dress.aspx?DepartmentID=1
pinkblushmaternity.com/p-57088-green-solid-convertible-maternity-maxi-dress.aspx?DepartmentID=1
@carrotsandpeas3 I'm not entirely sure I know what that means either, tbh. That was what we were told the dress code was, the ceremony is at a huge old Catholic church and the reception is at a farm... So my summer floral wrap dresses are probably too casual.. but I don't want to look like a bridesmaid either.
I really like those dresses you found, the mauve one is my favorite, I'm so worried it's maybe too fancy? I like the solid bodice options you linked because that will allow me to wear a supportive bra, so many nice maternity dresses have an open or sheer back 😫
First BFP on 1/4/22. Due date 9/13/22.