PGAL 10/17

meatballs37 · October 2018

This thread is a safe place for those who are pregnant after a loss. (PGAL). If you have suffered a loss please feel free to answer the questions below and keep things going throughout the week as a continuing conversation.

If you haven’t suffered a loss, please refrain from answering the questions, but know we welcome anyone who wants to come in and support the PGAL ladies and their milestones with encouragement or love tits! Thank you!

1. How many weeks are you?

2. Previous loss(es)?

3. How are you feeling? Emotionally and physically?

4. Any appointment updates?

5. Rants/Raves/Questions?

6. Any milestones coming up?

7. GTKY: Where is your dream vacation? What has been your favorite vacation?

meatballs37 · October 2018

1. How many weeks are you? 5+2

2. Previous loss(es)? 22w, 29w, 6w

3. How are you feeling? Emotionally and physically? I’m just counting down the days until first US

4. Any appointment updates?next Thursday, the 25th

5. Rants/Raves/Questions? I’m getting the cold DD has. But physically I still don’t really have any pregnancy symptoms. I POAS again yesterday just because the waiting game is so awful. The line was waaaay darker than the control line, sonit was a little reassuring.

6. Any milestones coming up? Next week my first US will be one day later than my D&C was in July.

7. GTKY: Where is your dream vacation? What has been your favorite vacation? My UO: I don’t like traveling. But I would love to take DD to Disney land like I did as a kid.

meatballs37 · October 2018

Oh I forgot a HUGE rave! I helped host a fundraiser for twin to twin transfusion syndrome on behalf of my boys Abe and Shep. We raised close to 900 dollars! That is about 3 months worth of grief boxes that we can now send out to parents of twins who have had their babies pass from TTTS.

We had a box sent to us last year after Abe passed, and it had so many resources that helped DH and I.

Im kind of proud of myself that instead of wallowing with my one year milestones with my boys, I did something to honor their memory.

srscott3 · October 2018

1. How many weeks are you? 6+5

2. Previous loss(es)? CP Dec 17, MC Feb 18

3. How are you feeling? Emotionally and physically? Emotionally I’m all over the place (not pregnancy related-see rant below). Physically, very nauseous and very tired but overall, not as bad as it could be.

4. Any appointment updates? First appointment next week! On the 25th

5. Rants/Raves/Questions? Sorry in advance for the novel. Rant: we were “broken up” with by our only friends in Chicago. We moved here in June and quickly made friends with people in our building (only 11 units in the building). Their son is a couple weeks older than DD. Well their son started hitting DD in the head and face, and pushing her down or in to things. This has been going on for a few weeks. I started staying super close and trying to prevent it, but they weren’t disciplining him. All they would say is “no!” Which was not effective at all. And I totally get it, kids at this age do stuff like this all the time, but I was sick of seeing my daughter get hurt. So I brought it up with them the other day that maybe we stick to play dates at the park or at one of our other usual places that we go, and not at their apartment because that’s the main place he tends to hit. Everything seemed fine with that conversation until DH and I got a text from them saying we “insulted” their son and they couldn’t get past that. There was also something where I apparently said I “didn’t want a son like theirs” which is a load of BS, but beside the point. The mom basically played the victim and didn’t even address that her kid hits. Well, actually she said “sorry she’s getting hurt, but I haven’t actually seen her cry”. That was the final straw for me. And while I’m totally okay to stop being friends, especially for the sake of DD’s well being, I’m having a hard time living in the same building at someone who doesn’t like me. I don’t like contention and I’m high anxiety. I keep picturing all these scenarios of confrontation in the building or at the park across the street and it’s keeping me up at night. Ugh. I hate this.

6. Any milestones coming up? Today actually! My MC in February was at 6+5. So I guess the milestone would be today or tomorrow

7. GTKY: Where is your dream vacation? What has been your favorite vacation?
Favorite vacation so far was to Turks and Caicos. So so beautiful. I would love to go to Europe though. That’s more of my kind of vacation, not the Caribbean/beach kind.

prpl11butterfly · October 2018

1. How many weeks are you? Based in lmp 5+6 but I suspect it's likely more 5+4

2. Previous loss(es)? MMC in March, CP in Sept

3. How are you feeling? Emotionally and physically? Physically achy. My back is killing by the end of the day and my hips hurt all the time. Emotionally I'm feeling okay. Still need to see a HB but since I'm feeling off it's really helping.

4. Any appointment updates? Waiting for the nurse to call back about my US to see if I can go again late next week or early w/o 29th

5. Rants/Raves/Questions? Another house showing tonight. Looks promising. I've caved in demanding a master bath so long as I have a bathroom that I can banish the children from using. This house has 1 bed room and a full bath on living level and then 3 bedrooms and full bath on second floor. Land and location are perfect and it's only 2min from current house (and therefore 3min from my parents lmao). Rant is that my OB never called yesterday and my US reports are still not on the portal.

6. Any milestones coming up? Just needing to see HB and escape 1st tri

7. GTKY: Where is your dream vacation? What has been your favorite vacation? I want to go to Bora Bora ans stay in one of those water huts with the clear floors. Honestly if I could stay in an underwater place I'd be thrilled. Favorit vacation is probably St Augustine FL. Its beautiful there. PCB was great also but love the history that St A has.

prpl11butterfly · October 2018

@meatballs37 that's amazing! I think you doing that was a fantastic way to honor the boys memory! You are going to do great things for those families ❤

sparklingdiamond · October 2018

1. How many weeks are you? 5+2

2. Previous loss(es)? CP, M/C around 7 weeks, stillbirth at 32 weeks this past March

3. How are you feeling? Emotionally and physically? I am coming up to when i had my earlier m/c, so am trying to stay calm. It's hard. Especially when my appt isn't for 2 more weeks.

4. Any appointment updates? I went to LabCorp and had another beta done yesterday for my peace of mind.

5. Rants/Raves/Questions? DS woke up in the middle of the night and threw up twice. There has been a stomach bug going around his preschool and almost every kid has had it at some point this past week. So far, he hasn't thrown up anymore, so fingers crossed he stays that way. I had to take off work though to stay home with him.

6. Any milestones coming up? The 6-7 week mark when I had my miscarriage.

7. GTKY: Where is your dream vacation? What has been your favorite vacation? Scotland all the way. I have been to Edinburgh twice and want to visit other places there. So beautiful!

sparklingdiamond · October 2018

@meatballs37 I POAS today and was so hoping that the line would be darker than the control line, but it wasn't. Still super dark though. But it was a wondfo and I know those can be finnicky. That is so great about the boxes!! It's awesome you can honor their memory.

@srscott3 Wow that is ridiculous. I would be embarrassed if DS continued to hit another kid! I hope you can make some other friends there. It's so hard to meet people sometimes.

@prpl11butterfly I hope this house works out and you like it! Finding a house is hard.

prpl11butterfly · October 2018

@srscott3 that's tough. I would stick to being neighborly and polite in public. Perhaps they are just in denial about the issue and will come around. But they better have a nice apology at the ready because that's not cool to make it look like you guys are the problem.

srscott3 · October 2018

@sparklingdiamond @prpl11butterfly thanks ladies. I’m sure their reaction has some deeper meaning for them and whatever they may be going through. I’m just at a mix of mad, sad, and anxious. And I’m enrolling DD in little gym so maybe we’ll make some new friends there. Neighbors last text said to “think twice before making new mom friends”, whatever that means 😂

sparklingdiamond · October 2018

@srscott3 Ok that text is just weird! You can make better friends!

prpl11butterfly · October 2018

Yea, that's an odd thing to say. I'd guess she hasnt had much luck with mom friends....

srscott3 · October 2018

In the same text she said that moms shouldn’t talk like that about each other’s kids. So maybe that’s what she meant. Like don’t do this to someone else. I don’t even know. On to better friends!

meatballs37 · October 2018

@srscott3

sounds like you may have dodged a bullet with that family. Eek! I’m not sure how not correcting a child’s dangerous behavior = insulting to the son. I could maybe see them (the parents) being insulted that you mentioned it. But putting it on their son that he is insulted, nah dude. Clearly they don’t know how to parent if they give their kid that much power and it will bite them in the ass, probably literally.

Eta: hold your head high and just smile at then when you see them. Sometimes that’s enough to diffuse some of the awkwardness. But if I were you I wouldn’t pursue anything more with them. You did nothing wrong.

srscott3 · October 2018

@meatballs37 you are awesome. Thank you. Definitely what I needed to hear ❤️

prpl11butterfly · October 2018

OBs office finally called back. Waiting on yet another call with the appt for my next US. Honestly, if I wasnt so desperate to see/hear a HB, I wouldnt go again because it was so traumatic.

ETA appt scheduled. 31st at 830am

kjr9519 · October 2018

1. How many weeks are you? 4+3 2. Previous loss(es)? MMC in July 3. How are you feeling? Emotionally and physically? Yesterday I was a mess because I haven’t felt any symptoms in a couple of days like I had started to, and I had cramping all day, some was very light, but some was a little stronger and worrying for me. I’m sure everything is fine, but sometimes it’s just hard to stop the worrying. 4. Any appointment updates? I need to actually schedule one. I had really bad experiences with the staff at my OB, but absolutely love the doctor, so I’ve been putting it off. 5. Rants/Raves/Questions? I just want to get out of the first trimester. 6. Any milestones coming up? None soon. 7. GTKY: Where is your dream vacation? What has been your favorite vacation? That’s a hard one. I’m going to go with Iceland because I wasn’t exactly looking forward to that trip, but I ended up finding one of my favorite places on earth.

Dcwtada · October 2018

. How many weeks are you? 5 weeks

2. Previous loss(es)? Early m/c

3. How are you feeling? Emotionally and physically? Anxious and alone. My loss was a long time ago with another partner before my Husband. He has zero sympathy and doesn’t even like to talk about it. He actually rolled his eyes at the candle on Monday. I understand he is dealing with his own anxiety (our last pregnancy was scary and my 1 year old still has heath issues that concern us) but it is getting to me. I am tempted to tell someone I trust so I have SOMEONE to talk to, besides you lovely ladies and a couple of my previous bumpies who stalked me and know now

4. Any appointment updates? In the process of getting a referral to my MFM. It’s all the way up in Chicago so I am hoping we can see a local OB for regular visits but insurance is not an understanding abstract concept

5. Rants/Raves/Questions? Anyone getting a random white hot pain in your previous c-section scar? I never had that was my other two but randomly now if I sneeze or move funny it burns like 3 weeks post op.

6. Any milestones coming up?

7. GTKY: Where is your dream vacation? What has been your favorite vacation? My dream vacation will be taking our RV across the country and visiting different states and off-road parks (we have a couple rzrs and love everything about camping and riding - although my definition of camping includes hot water, private toilets and A/C - don’t want to mislead anyone lol) favorite vacation was more a study abroad trip but it was in Japan - we went from Osaka to Tokyo over the course of 3 weeks

kjr9519 · October 2018

@Dcwtada I’m so sorry YH is not more understanding. I hope that you can find some good support from someone else in your life.

ruby696 · October 2018

1. How many weeks are you? 3+4.

2. Previous loss(es)? 1 MMC at 8 weeks in 2013, 1 CP 2017, 1 MMC at 6 weeks in 2018, 1 CP 2018.

3. How are you feeling? Emotionally and physically? Eh, mild symptoms are kicking in, so that's nice, but I feel like i still have to make it through the next few weeks before I can really believe it.

4. Any appointment updates? US Nov. 2nd.

5. Rants/Raves/Questions? I'm a little annoyed that my doctor doesn't want to do betas, but I also realize it doesn't really matter. This is either going to happen or it won't. Stressing myself out with numbers isn't really helpful (for me). I also kind of wish I hadn't tested so early. Ignorance is bliss.

6. Any milestones coming up? Nope, not one. I guess making it to the end of next week would be good 😏

7. GTKY: Where is your dream vacation? What has been your favorite vacation? I would love to to go Ireland and Scotland. My favorite vacation is a toss up between Hawaii and Monterey. I've been on a couple of cruises to amazing places, but cruises aren't really my thing.

sparklingdiamond · October 2018

My beta from yesterday at 22 DPO came back at 5216! I know betas tell you nothing about whether it's one or multiple babies, but looking at beta base mine is way higher than the average singleton lol. So I'm just interested to see how it turns out.

dntstpbelieveing · October 2018

1. How many weeks are you? eh, I should be 6 weeks any day now (we will do a dating scan to be sure)

2. Previous loss(es)? 1 mc at 9.5 weeks in May

3. How are you feeling? Emotionally and physically? Doing ok. Anxious for next week. Caved and told my best friend today. I have not seeen her a lot recently and I ran into her at the court house (work) and she told me all about a fight with a co-worker so I wanted to cheer her up. Symptoms are coming and going. Generally worse at night.

4. Any appointment updates? US next Wednesday evening. Finding out today if I have a babysitter because I dont really want to drag my 2 year old along. Or he may go to my friends house worst case.

5. Rants/Raves/Questions? Not really. Just kinda feel like I am stuck in limbo.

6. Any milestones coming up? next one would be 9.5 weeks. I keep thinking that seeing a HB will make me feel better next week but in reality I saw a hb a week before my mc last time so who knows how I will feel.

7. GTKY: Where is your dream vacation? What has been your favorite vacation? DH and I would love to go to Greece. I studied abroad in Spain in college and would love to take DH on a tour of all the places I visited while I was gone (we were together when I went).

@meatballs37 Those boxes sound great and I think you are amazing for everything you did!
@srscott3 From just the little that you said they dont sound like super confrontational people, if they texted you instead of telling you in person when you had the conversation. My son was a hitter for awhile. It wasnt vicious, he would get excited and essentially flap and hit people. Daycare and I worked together on addressing it so that it was consistent but there was one morning I dropped him off and another little girl told him that she didnt want to play with him because he was mean and it about killed me. That afternoon we got a referral for early interventions because I was worried that it was because he wasnt talking/couldnt communicate. He did grow out of it eventually but it took a lot of work and he would still be doing it today if we had just said no and moved on. As a parent I was mortified at the behavior and in the beginning socially pulled back because I didnt want my hit to hurt someone else. I would have been totally open if someone had suggestions to still include my kid but keep everyone safe. Basically all of that to say that I think you were being a good friend and my guess is that these people have concerns that they are ignoring about something bigger and may be taking that out on you and that is not fair.

srscott3 · October 2018

@dntstpbelieveing first, I am so sorry you went through that. I have really been trying to think about how they must be feeling about all of this.
I think you hit the nail right on the head though. Their son is behind developmentally in language and he does seem frustrated a lot of the time. Unfortunately, they turned down early intervention about a month ago

and in the beginning it was definitely that excited hitting. Recently though it turned aggressive. If he didn’t feel like he was getting enough attention or if DD had a toy he wanted. But I think they already feel some pressure there because he’s been aggressive toward his 3 month old sister too.
Thank you again for your perspective though..I’m going to try to not take it all too personally ❤️

dntstpbelieveing · October 2018

@srscott3 dont get me wrong, they are dicks.

prpl11butterfly · October 2018

@Dcwtada I think confiding on someone IRL will be good. Aside from my parents, my 2 coworkers knowing has made life a bit easier. They are both super supportive of how scary this is and let me talk when I need or give me space when I'm clearly not having a good PGAL day. You need someone like that.

eleven_ · October 2018

1. How many weeks are you? 6w3d

2. Previous loss(es)? 2 CPs and 1 MMC ~7/8w

3. How are you feeling? Emotionally and physically? Emotionally I’m feeling a lot better after seeing HB yesterday. It’s still in the back of my mind that this could still end poorly, but I’m trying to let myself feel this true joy for the first time since seeing my BFP. Physically I feel like shit.

4. Any appointment updates? The RE said I can come back for another US, but my first OB appointment is 10/30 so I think I can wait until then.

5. Rants/Raves/Questions? I had a super awful morning with my kids. I have to get the kids ready by myself in the morning for daycare and I’m starting to think about how awful it will be when I’m in the third trimester.

6. Any milestones coming up? Almost made it past my MMC date.

7. GTKY: Where is your dream vacation? What has been your favorite vacation? My dream vacation is Iceland. I would love to stay in one of those igloo bubbles and watch the Northern Lights from my bed. My favorite vacation is probably a toss-up between Hawaii and Switzerland. Switzerland was beautiful, but I’m also a beach girl at heart.

@meatballs SO awesome about raising 900 dollars! You are seriously amazing to do something that will help comfort other grieving moms. You have every right to feel proud of yourself!

@srscott3 I’m so sorry that you now feel anxious living in your apartment building due to those butthead parents. Just know, you are in the right here. You seriously handled it exactly how I would have.

@prpl11butterfly Best of luck with the house tonight! I seriously hope this is the one for you. I’m sure you are really stressed not knowing where you guys are going to live. Let us know how you like the one tonight!

@dcwtada I’m soooo sorry your DH is not being very sensitive to you right now. You need as much support and love as you can get right now. I would definitely reach out to someone you feel close to. Being alone with your fears is not something you should have to go through.

lovebamalife · October 2018

1. How many weeks are you? 4, I'm just starting, my crazy pee stick obsession let me know early.

2. Previous loss(es)? 2 at 6 weeks, second one was a blighted ovum

3. How are you feeling? Emotionally and physically? Feeling good physically, emotionally trying not to get too excited yet

4. Any appointment updates? No, waiting until 7 weeks to schedule an appointment

5. Rants/Raves/Questions? No

6. Any milestones coming up? No

7. GTKY: Where is your dream vacation? What has been your favorite vacation? My favorite vacation was to Belize and I'd love to go back.

mrsbaker89 · October 2018

I am here for support ladies!

prpl11butterfly · October 2018

@mrsbaker89 PGAL stands for Pregnant After Loss. Your stats show you've had no losses. If you have, please feel free to edit your post and participate. If you have in fact never suffered a loss, please refrain from posting here unless you are offering us support.

prpl11butterfly · October 2018

@meatballs37 could we add a blurb to the post (or title) for a bit until the newbies learn the lingo and what PGAL means?

I popped in to offer support to a new poster only to find that she's never suffered a loss. That's 2 this week I think and I know Eleven guided another last week.

ruby696 · October 2018

@eleven_ I remember how hard it was when I was pregnant with DD and had to get DS ready. Not gonna lie, I'm kind of dreading it this time.

meatballs37 · October 2018

@prpl11butterfly I think I even told one last week this is for loss moms.

Edited really quick, let me know if you guys want anything different in there.

bumblebee0210 · October 2018

1. How many weeks are you? 5+5

2. Previous loss(es)? MMC Dec 2017, CP July 2018

3. How are you feeling? Emotionally and physically? Emotionally, I was oddly zen for the last week, but I just scheduled the ultrasound for 7 weeks (earlier than I thought it would be) and somehow that has triggered the anxiety to start. Since I haven't ever actually carried a pregnancy to term before, I feel really divorced from the idea that this might actually result in a full term pregnancy and (gulp) an actual baby at the end. On the one hand, I want to feel connected to it, but on the other, it feels safer not to be. I do feel less obsessive than I did last pregnancy, which I think is good. I tend to be a ruminator. Physically-- still ok. Kind of in the sweet spot where I have just enough symptoms to still feel pregnant (boobs, queasiness, fatigue) but not enough to actually feel that bad.

4. Any appointment updates? 7w ultrasound on 10/26, first prenatal 11/16.

5. Rants/Raves/Questions? Work has been insane-- a research project I have been working on for a year just may have gotten shut down, which is not great. I think we can still do a study just not he one we thought. But it's also a nice distraction from the whole PGAL thing.

6. Any milestones coming up? My first ultrasound last time was 11/22 at 7w1d, and though we had a heartbeat in was really slow (around 70 I think). We were blissfully unaware of what a bad sign that was. A week later, there was nothing. So I'm not sure what to think of as the date where I will feel "safe" (if ever).

7. GTKY: Where is your dream vacation? What has been your favorite vacation? We have done a lot of traveling-- Japan last year was supposed to be our last pre-baby trip, but we have been to India and Zambia since then and still no baby! Japan was amazing, as was Hawaii (we did Maui & the big island). I really want to go to Greece or Italy, which I have not done yet.

@eleven_ I am so relieved for you! I hope all of us get that sweet sound soon...
@srscott3 That sounds terrible, I'm not a mom yet, so I don't fully understand the intricacies of these interactions, but I do agree it's possible that they are taking out their own insecurities about their child's behaviors on you. Either way, that's probably not a great friendship for the long haul.
@meatballs37 That is such a great idea! It's wonderful to turn your grief into something positive. Especially with relatively rare conditions, I imagine it's easy to feel alone, and reaching out to those parents is such a loving gesture.

eleven_ · October 2018

@ruby696 I swear it gets harder as they get older too. My kids are now big enough to make it difficult for me to get them dressed. I can't imagine having to pin down a 4 year old with a huge bump

Also, I know we didn't post much together in TTGP, but I'm so happy you are joining us

@meatballs37 Looks good to me!

eleven_ · October 2018

Do you guys know what the normal range for a HB is at 6 weeks? I'm getting conflicting answers when I Google.

ETA: NM. I found this one that I'm satisfied with. I need to step away from Google.

Image: https://us.v-cdn.net/5020794/uploads/editor/5p/y13qrotni8di.png

meatballs37 · October 2018

@eleven_ I imagine I will be googling this next week if we have a Hb. I see anywhere from 90-110. But that looks like it goes down to 5 weeks.

ruby696 · October 2018

@eleven_ OMG yes and how they want you to run and chase them. The mom guilt is no joke. Also, thank you

prpl11butterfly · October 2018

@meatballs37 perfect, thank you!

@eleven_ it's hard when your doing it all alone in the morning. Especially if your like me and totally not a morning person..... ETA step away from the google!!

mackorori · October 2018

1. How many weeks are you?
6+5

2. Previous loss(es)?
7/16 (11 wks) and 8/17 (5 /12 wks)

3. How are you feeling? Emotionally and physically?

Emotionally - I was on such a high after seeing our little bean and a good HB Monday, but as the PGAL brain gets to you I'm trying not to get too worked up about the next US. The good news is my RE wants to see me weekly so hopefully that will alleviate some of the stress of knowing one way or the other how things are.
Physically - OK but just bloated and occasional cramping/nausea all day

4. Any appointment updates?
US next week 10/24

5. Rants/Raves/Questions?
Rant - It would be awesome if they made progesterone suppositories any color other than red!

6. Any milestones coming up?
Each US and I would love to get past the first trimester unscathed.

7. GTKY: Where is your dream vacation? What has been your favorite vacation?
So many vacations have been amazing, but one of my favorites was renting a yacht in St. Maarten with friends for the week. So relaxing and we didn't have to plan anything, the crew did it all! My current bucket list of vacations includes Argentina/Chile (hike Patagonia then wine tasting) and also to stay at one of those huts on the water somewhere like Bora Bora or Tahiti.

@srscott3 I'm so sorry you had to deal with neighbors like that. It definitely sounds like a case of people taking their insecurities and issues out on you rather than taking care of their own business and being decent human beings to others. Hopefully you are able to meet better people to make your Chicago experience that much better. I lived there for 15 years and it's a great city! I still work for the same company, so I can go back every couple of months to get my city fix and then come back home to the mountains.

@eleven_ I don't know a "range", but my RE said they are happy if the HB over 100 (said at 6 1/2 week appt).

dntstpbelieveing · October 2018

@mackorori They do make them in different colors!!! My Dr. has to write it one the script but I have white one this time.

sparklingdiamond · October 2018

@mackorori Mine are pink and I've often thought the same thing!

So I called to make an OB appt and they won't schedule one until starting the 31st or later either. I really am just trying to figure out why that day in particular. I would be 7+2 then. So now my OB appt is the day after my RE appt! But at least they are both scheduled. Now I just wait two weeks.

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