Has everyone felt like their practice has been supportive after their loss? Just curious because we all seem to be having very different experiences with our doctors.
So far yes @ncm1919. They gave me extra beta testing and both my US last week and next weeks are "extra". I'm not sure I'll get the standard 12wk one or not though. Everytime I've called the nurses have been great (not that they were not before but I feel I'm getting more compassion now). I won't actually see an OB until the end of Nov and he isn't the one I usually see but I hear good things and that he is very understanding of the emotional aspect of PGAL.
I was actually surprised at my midwife's response. She's been through two MMC's and two CP's with me. But when I called to follow-up on my progesterone test and to tell her I was pregnant again, a nurse called back and told me my test results were fine and to call back and schedule an appt around 6 weeks. Uh.. okay. I expected a little more of a response, but I guess not.
@ncm1919 I can’t stand the staff at my OB office. They have always been super rude over the phone with me and completely uncaring when I explained I had been through an mc. But my OB was absolutely incredible when talking to us about the mc and was so compassionate, understanding, and reassuring. DH and I were so impressed that we decided it was worth dealing with the crappy staff. I haven’t dealt with them much this pregnancy, though, so I’ll have to see how understanding they are. I’ve only been through one mc, so I haven’t tried pressing to get any extra appointment because I doubt the staff will be willing and I can’t actually see the OB until the second appointment (12 weeks) ☹️
My OB office is the reason why DH hasn’t taken other jobs in the last few months. We don’t want to lose our insurance with them. This will be our last baby hopefully if things work out. My OB who delivered the boys was going to come to Abe’s funeral, but ended up having to deliver a baby and called me to let me know. The day of the boys surgery at children’s at a different hospital, she called and left a message saying she knew it was surgery day and was praying for us.
When I called this time to say I’d like a lab draw to confirm pregnancy. She personally called back and said I could have whatever lab draws I wanted and gave me the option on what dosage made me comfortable on my syntheroid for my thyroid.
My first appointment isnt with her, but with my midwife from DDs pregnancy who works in the same practice. When the twins passed, at my postpartum checkup, the midwife came and saw me and cried with me.
All the nurses are wonderful and always make sure I feel safe and comfortable. I love how compassionate everyone is. No one makes me feel like a crazy loss mom.
@ncm1919 I don’t feel like my clinic listened to me. I called them concerned that my symptoms were going away and they just told me that sometimes that happens. That’s why I’m switching clinics. I just happened to make a new patient appointment for a different clinic on Friday. Now that appointment will my first baby appointment. I hope they are receptive. I’m going to ask them for two ultrasounds in the 1st trimester.
@ncm1919 I adore my doctor, though she is a family med doc with an OB specialty (extra fellowship), so I feel like that makes a difference. She has shared her own experience with MC/CP with me, and is always takes my concern seriously without giving in too much to the crazy, which I think is really helpful. She delivers all her patients' babies personally (since she is in family med there are a lot fewer than the typical OB) and she is generally really available. I do have to say, for me, it has been helpful to not be able to test constantly (no blood tests, first US this Friday at 7w). The way my anxiety works (and I had plenty, long before the MC), is that I seek out more and more and more information, but it never really quells my anxious thoughts for very long-- it just drives me to seek more reassurance, and kind of spirals downward. With this pregnancy, I am just trying to live in the uncertain muck, and be ok with it. It works some day better than others...
1. How many weeks are you? 5 weeks and 1 day. I think, lol.
2. Previous loss(es)? I had a MMC at 10 weeks July 27th of this year.
3. How are you feeling? Emotionally and physically? I feel a lot sicker this time around than when I was pregnant before. Emotionally, I am starting to get nervous. I know there’s really nothing I can do but I’m just starting to get nervous about going through another loss. I am excited to be pregnant though! I also think it’s not real. I expect to be told I’m not really PG and my body is developing a hysterical pregnancy lol.
4. Any appointment updates? i have my first appointment on Friday. I have a whole list of questions to ask. I am anxiously looking forward to it.
5. Rants/Raves/Questions? Last time when I went into my first ultrasound they said the baby was two weeks behind where It was supposed to be. Which never made sense to me because that means I would have conceived and got my first faint BFP 5 days later. That’s impossible right? That makes me think the fetus wasn’t developing as it should. Later I found out the baby passed away 4 days after the ultrasound. So I’m nervous for the first ultrasound. I have very irregular cycles so it makes it harder for me to really be certain about conception.
6. Any milestones coming up? Well since I think the baby wasnt developing as expected I just want to make it to my first ultrasound to see if the baby matches how far along I think it should be.
7. GTKY: Where is your dream vacation? What has been your favorite vacation? My favorite vacation has been to San Diego and Hawaii. So I would like to go back there lol. I have developed an extreme fear of flying lately so I can’t stand anything further away.
Interesting to hear everyone’s perspective. My office had been great which I thought was the norm. They have let me call the shots- they’ve made suggestions but the ultimate call has been mine. I think I’ve been a lot more relaxed because they’ve given me the option and I’ve ended up going with their recommendations. I pushed for the early US but got it pretty much no stress
Previous loss(es)? I hope everyone understands why I'm sharing this in this space. My family and I lost a baby, but not in the way you would think. In Spring 2017 my family was contacted by a young lady looking for a family open to adopting the baby she was expecting. We went through all the paperwork and painstaking process to be approved for the adoption. July 2017 our baby girl was born. I was in the delivery room, held her right away, and was lucky enough to still be lactating from DD #1 and nursed DD #2 on day one. She spent 3 months in our home before things got messy. Birth mom had kept the pregnancy and baby secret from her family. Once she decided to share the news with them, her sister was upset because she and her husband had recently found out that they were unable to carry a child of their own. Through a lot of tears and conversations between birth mom and her sister, we decided to withdraw our petition for adoption, and allow birth aunt and uncle to raise baby. In the end, I think this was a plan birth mom was happier with and the best option for baby. It just sucked for our family. We get pictures annually, but we're trying to allow their family time to process all of their challenges, so we haven't had any visits.
3. How are you feeling? Emotionally and physically? I'm having some difficulty getting excited about this baby and not feeling like another shoe is going to drop. I feel like something is going to happen, which is a draining. I'm hoping that the US on 10/31 will help me get in the mood and excited about our second baby #2.
6. Any milestones coming up? The first week of October was the 1 year mark for when we handed baby over to the aunt and uncle. My DH was awesome and helped plan a mini vacation for us, which is what led us to our BFP.
7. GTKY: Where is your dream vacation? What has been your favorite vacation? I have a life goal of visiting every continent. So, my dream vacation is to Australia and New Zealand, which would allow me to cross off another continent on my list. Sometimes I like relaxing beach vacations, and for that I prefer white light sand of the Caribbean. But, other times I like to explore and go on adventures. My favorite domestic place for that is Washington DC and Tokyo abroad.
@charla1224 What a hard situation. I agree that it was a very selfless thing for you to do to give the baby back. I can't imagine how difficult it was.
@Charla1224 I'm so sorry you had to go through all of that. Your grieving just as we are. It was a truly amazing gift you gave that family. I truly hope that there is no other shoe for your family.
Hi ladies, I just wanted to say that reading this thread has been very therapitic for me
My 1st pregnancy ended with a MMC just recently in July & I’m newly PGA 4w3d. I was Slightly involved in the Feb 2019 group but deleted the app entirley the day of my D&C. I only downloaded in again this week & admittedly learned what PGAL meant. I wasn’t sure if this thread was going to be good for me emotionally so I decided to just read along for a while.
I’m glad I decided to lurk. Your stories have made me feel a sense of peace & not so Lonley.
I agree with others it’s been a hard PGAL few days. My symptoms subside for awhile and I convince myself it’s over. I think all the recent spotting posts haven’t helped bc I continue to check every time I pee thinking my time is coming. I just wish my US was this week, I could prob call to move it but I’m trying not to, bc even after that I’ll still be worried until the next scan. @Charla1224 wow, what an amazing thing you and your family did. I’m glad you felt comfortable to post here, it’s a great place for support.
Also, my OBs office has been amazing. From the nurses to the midwives to the OBs they have had great bedside manner and really listened to any questions/concerns I’ve had. My midwife basically asked me when I wanted to come back for another scan for my peace of mind. I picked 3 weeks after the first to split the difference between my first scan and when they can use the Doppler but she told me if I had any concerns to call and they’d get me in right away. I think anyone should receive this kind of support but it’s especially helpful after a loss
I started spotting again this morning and I am just a wreck. I have had healthy pregnancies with bleeding before and I know it academically but I am struggling all the same. I am convinced I lost too much weight from stress/being busy last year and my body isn’t healthy enough and my husband got me a Apple Watch and I have been obsessively checking my heart rate and just think it’s too high. And even none of that indicates anything and I know that but it is going to be a long day.
Sorry for that jumble of nerves. I needed to get it out.
@Dcwtada I'm sorry to hear that you're spotting. I hope it's nothing, and that you can see someone soon to get checked out and relieve the stress.
@charla1224 What a difficult situation to be in. Your family made a selfless decision, and I hope that this is an easy and event free pregnancy for you.
@Meatballs37 It sounds like you have an amazing practice! Sometimes the kindness and compassion of others can make a horrible situation a little bit less awful.
Sorry to read that so many loss moms have doctors and nurses who aren't caring, or who don't understand. I know that they see it every day, but it doesn't make it any less devastating for the family going through it. I love my OB, but he's in a practice of several doctors who rotate hospital shifts, which means that he has never delivered a baby for me. When my youngest was born six weeks early, both he and I were very sick with a blood infection that I contracted in the hospital. My OB came in on his day off to get on us in the NICU, which was very sweet of him.
I don't really care much for my RE though, and we're with her until 10 weeks. She has a very flat personality and isn't at all warm or friendly.
@Dcwtada Your heart rate increases when you're pregnant, so maybe that's what's going on? In that case, I would think it's a good sign! My resting heart rate when from 52.8 pre-ovulation to 64.4 today.
@ruby696 that actually made me feel better, you are not that off from me. My resting is about 80 but I have no idea preconception. My active ranges from 120-180 depending on the activity (walking two feet to the fridge or chasing a half naked toddler across the house)
I am going to call my default OB today. We are in the process of getting our MFM referral and I have to go through my GP (I hate insurance more than a canker sore when you are eating popcorn) but I am hoping I can see a local OB for regular visits as the MFM I used last time is an hour and a half a way on a good traffic day so we are doing our best to avoid that every time I have to go in. Hopefully I get some answers when the office opens in a few. I am tempted to drag the kids out and buy another test but I think that may feed the paranoia more than alleviate it.
My beta that I did through LabCorp yesterday came back at 22,246 so it seems to still be increasing like it should. Now to just wait 8 more days for the ultrasound
@Dcwtada my resting heart rate got pretty high too. 74 ish before and 87 at it's highest. I turned the monitor off because it started fluctuating and I knew it was going to start worrying me.
@elliecele17 and @dcwtada As your heart gets used to the increased blood flow it will go back down some, or at least that's my understanding. @prpl11butterfly's decision to turn it off is probably a smart one.
@ruby696 that is exactly what I figured was happening. RHR slows as the muscles get stronger. It makes total sense that after working overtime for a bit it would in fact get stronger just like any other muscle in the body.
On another note, last night I couldn't sleep and I was freaking out about the logistics of a 3rd kid. I've gotten so used to losses, that I stopped believing it would actually happen. Now that I feel like we really might have a third baby, it was like, holy crap, how are we going to pay for this?! 😂
@ruby696 I could have written your post. I feel so bad thinking that way too. Like I finally might be getting a baby after 3 losses and now I'm like WTF am I going to do??? 3 kids?? I'm barely keeping up with 2.
TW
Me: 33 DH: 32 DS: March 2014 DD: May 2015 BFP: 12/24/17 CP: 1/2/18 @ 4w 3d BFP: 1/26/18 CP: 2/2/18 @ 4w 4d BFP: 5/16/18 MMC: 6/15/18 @ 7w 5d BFP: 9/25/18! EDD: 6/9/19 TEAM GREEN
@eleven_ Right?? I feel bad wondering how I'm going to deal with grocery shopping with six grabby hands! Lol! Actually, the most daunting issue for me is having 3 kids in daycare at the same time. We are going to be living on a budget, that's for sure. Luckily it's only for the first year, then DS will be in kindergarten. DD will follow a year later.
Re: PGAL 10/17
@ncm1919 I can’t stand the staff at my OB office. They have always been super rude over the phone with me and completely uncaring when I explained I had been through an mc. But my OB was absolutely incredible when talking to us about the mc and was so compassionate, understanding, and reassuring. DH and I were so impressed that we decided it was worth dealing with the crappy staff. I haven’t dealt with them much this pregnancy, though, so I’ll have to see how understanding they are. I’ve only been through one mc, so I haven’t tried pressing to get any extra appointment because I doubt the staff will be willing and I can’t actually see the OB until the second appointment (12 weeks) ☹️
When I called this time to say I’d like a lab draw to confirm pregnancy. She personally called back and said I could have whatever lab draws I wanted and gave me the option on what dosage made me comfortable on my syntheroid for my thyroid.
My first appointment isnt with her, but with my midwife from DDs pregnancy who works in the same practice. When the twins passed, at my postpartum checkup, the midwife came and saw me and cried with me.
All the nurses are wonderful and always make sure I feel safe and comfortable. I love how compassionate everyone is. No one makes me feel like a crazy loss mom.
BFP 11/30/2017 | MMC 12/31/2017
BFP 6/22/2018 | CP 6/27/2018
BFP 10/5/2018 | EDD 6/14/2019
Baby girl born 6/19/19
TTC #2 May 2020-November 2021
BFP 7/18/2020 | MonoDi Twins | MMC 9/10/2020
BFP 11/7/2020 | CP 11/9/2020
RE Consult January 2021 | Dx "borderline DOR"/RPL
IVF with PGT:
Standard Antagonist:
ER #1 3/27/2021 7R | 5M | 3F | 2B | 1 PGT-A Normal, 1 low-level mosaic
ER #2 4/22/2021 10R | 7M | 3F | 2B | 0 normal, 2 aneuploid
ER #3 5/19/2021 2R | 1M | 0F
Estrogen Priming Antagonist:
ER #4 7/10/2021 5R | 4M | 3F | 1B | 1 PGT-A Normal
Duostim (Standard Antagonist):
ER #5 9/22/2021 13R | 11M | 8F | 5B | 2 PGT-A Normal, 1 low-level mosaic, 2 aneuploid
ER #6 10/9/2021 9R | 6M | 4 F | 1B | 1 aneuploid
FET #1 11/5/2021 | EDD 7/24/2022
Baby boy born 7/19/22
TTC #3 since May 2023 (ntnp)
IVF Started Fall 2023 (Standard Antagonist)
ER #7 10/6/2023 | 9R | 6M | 5F | 3B | 2 aneuploid, 1 high-level mosaic
ER #8 10/31/2023 | 5R | 4M | 3F | 1B | 1 PGT-A Normal
FET #2 11/27/23 | CP (bHCG = 8)
FET #3 planned Jan 2024
2. Previous loss(es)?
I had a MMC at 10 weeks July 27th of this year.
3. How are you feeling? Emotionally and physically?
I feel a lot sicker this time around than when I was pregnant before. Emotionally, I am starting to get nervous. I know there’s really nothing I can do but I’m just starting to get nervous about going through another loss. I am excited to be pregnant though! I also think it’s not real. I expect to be told I’m not really PG and my body is developing a hysterical pregnancy lol.
4. Any appointment updates?
i have my first appointment on Friday. I have a whole list of questions to ask. I am anxiously looking forward to it.
5. Rants/Raves/Questions?
Last time when I went into my first ultrasound they said the baby was two weeks behind where It was supposed to be. Which never made sense to me because that means I would have conceived and got my first faint BFP 5 days later. That’s impossible right? That makes me think the fetus wasn’t developing as it should. Later I found out the baby passed away 4 days after the ultrasound. So I’m nervous for the first ultrasound. I have very irregular cycles so it makes it harder for me to really be certain about conception.
6. Any milestones coming up?
Well since I think the baby wasnt developing as expected I just want to make it to my first ultrasound to see if the baby matches how far along I think it should be.
7. GTKY: Where is your dream vacation? What has been your favorite vacation?
My favorite vacation has been to San Diego and Hawaii. So I would like to go back there lol. I have developed an extreme fear of flying lately so I can’t stand anything further away.
Previous loss(es)? I hope everyone understands why I'm sharing this in this space. My family and I lost a baby, but not in the way you would think.
In Spring 2017 my family was contacted by a young lady looking for a family open to adopting the baby she was expecting. We went through all the paperwork and painstaking process to be approved for the adoption. July 2017 our baby girl was born. I was in the delivery room, held her right away, and was lucky enough to still be lactating from DD #1 and nursed DD #2 on day one.
She spent 3 months in our home before things got messy. Birth mom had kept the pregnancy and baby secret from her family. Once she decided to share the news with them, her sister was upset because she and her husband had recently found out that they were unable to carry a child of their own. Through a lot of tears and conversations between birth mom and her sister, we decided to withdraw our petition for adoption, and allow birth aunt and uncle to raise baby. In the end, I think this was a plan birth mom was happier with and the best option for baby. It just sucked for our family.
We get pictures annually, but we're trying to allow their family time to process all of their challenges, so we haven't had any visits.
3. How are you feeling? Emotionally and physically? I'm having some difficulty getting excited about this baby and not feeling like another shoe is going to drop. I feel like something is going to happen, which is a draining. I'm hoping that the US on 10/31 will help me get in the mood and excited about our second baby #2.
6. Any milestones coming up? The first week of October was the 1 year mark for when we handed baby over to the aunt and uncle. My DH was awesome and helped plan a mini vacation for us, which is what led us to our BFP.
7. GTKY: Where is your dream vacation? What has been your favorite vacation? I have a life goal of visiting every continent. So, my dream vacation is to Australia and New Zealand, which would allow me to cross off another continent on my list.
Sometimes I like relaxing beach vacations, and for that I prefer white light sand of the Caribbean. But, other times I like to explore and go on adventures. My favorite domestic place for that is Washington DC and Tokyo abroad.
DD: 05/14/16
My 1st pregnancy ended with a MMC just recently in July & I’m newly PGA 4w3d. I was Slightly involved in the Feb 2019 group but deleted the app entirley the day of my D&C. I only downloaded in again this week & admittedly learned what PGAL meant. I wasn’t sure if this thread was going to be good for me emotionally so I decided to just read along for a while.
I’m glad I decided to lurk. Your stories have made me feel a sense of peace & not so Lonley.
Huge Hugz!
@Charla1224 wow, what an amazing thing you and your family did. I’m glad you felt comfortable to post here, it’s a great place for support.
Also, my OBs office has been amazing. From the nurses to the midwives to the OBs they have had great bedside manner and really listened to any questions/concerns I’ve had. My midwife basically asked me when I wanted to come back for another scan for my peace of mind. I picked 3 weeks after the first to split the difference between my first scan and when they can use the Doppler but she told me if I had any concerns to call and they’d get me in right away. I think anyone should receive this kind of support but it’s especially helpful after a loss
@elliecele17 I’m glad you decided to share on the PGAL thread.
Sorry for that jumble of nerves. I needed to get it out.
DD: 05/14/16
@Dcwtada I'm sorry to hear that you're spotting. I hope it's nothing, and that you can see someone soon to get checked out and relieve the stress.
@charla1224 What a difficult situation to be in. Your family made a selfless decision, and I hope that this is an easy and event free pregnancy for you.
@Meatballs37 It sounds like you have an amazing practice! Sometimes the kindness and compassion of others can make a horrible situation a little bit less awful.
Sorry to read that so many loss moms have doctors and nurses who aren't caring, or who don't understand. I know that they see it every day, but it doesn't make it any less devastating for the family going through it. I love my OB, but he's in a practice of several doctors who rotate hospital shifts, which means that he has never delivered a baby for me. When my youngest was born six weeks early, both he and I were very sick with a blood infection that I contracted in the hospital. My OB came in on his day off to get on us in the NICU, which was very sweet of him.
I don't really care much for my RE though, and we're with her until 10 weeks. She has a very flat personality and isn't at all warm or friendly.
I am going to call my default OB today. We are in the process of getting our MFM referral and I have to go through my GP (I hate insurance more than a canker sore when you are eating popcorn) but I am hoping I can see a local OB for regular visits as the MFM I used last time is an hour and a half a way on a good traffic day so we are doing our best to avoid that every time I have to go in. Hopefully I get some answers when the office opens in a few. I am tempted to drag the kids out and buy another test but I think that may feed the paranoia more than alleviate it.
The more you know
DS: March 2014
DD: May 2015
BFP: 12/24/17 CP: 1/2/18 @ 4w 3d
BFP: 1/26/18 CP: 2/2/18 @ 4w 4d
BFP: 5/16/18 MMC: 6/15/18 @ 7w 5d
BFP: 9/25/18! EDD: 6/9/19 TEAM GREEN
@Dcwtada my resting heart rate got pretty high too. 74 ish before and 87 at it's highest. I turned the monitor off because it started fluctuating and I knew it was going to start worrying me.
+ all the great US news is making my day!
DS: March 2014
DD: May 2015
BFP: 12/24/17 CP: 1/2/18 @ 4w 3d
BFP: 1/26/18 CP: 2/2/18 @ 4w 4d
BFP: 5/16/18 MMC: 6/15/18 @ 7w 5d
BFP: 9/25/18! EDD: 6/9/19 TEAM GREEN