Say what????

katethemom · September 2018

@sweetyjenj I just ignored her and kept looking at my computer. If my job didn't require me to basically be a fly on the wall, I would have said something. But I'm not supposed to engage with the patients or involve myself in the conversation in any way. Lame, I know.

julesf817 · September 2018

My MIL said “it seems like you really get big fast.” Uh thanks? I’ve gained way less weight than I did last time by this point. I guess I can’t escape being compared to my SILs.

pttomato · September 2018

CoastieGirl79 said:

@pttomato we weren't even engaged in a conversation about weight gain or pregnancy, for that matter. She was packing up to leave for the day. It was the weirdest thing.

Yeah, it’s weird and annoying. I would have random people come up to me at the store or walking down the street and make pregnancy comments. It’s like seeing a pregnant woman makes people crazy.

LeahNicole · September 2018

I walked into work Friday and someone said "wow, you're looking really pregnant". My friend who recently had a baby made sure to let him know what a dumb thing that was to say haha

MrsDho11 · September 2018

Ugh. I'm really self conscious about how big my bump is already and how much weight I've gained, and I'm thoroughly expecting these comments to start rolling in... I may cry.

leighbrek · September 2018

@MrsDho11 I know it's easier said than done, but fight fire with fire to stop the stupid, insensitive comments. The last time someone told me my face is getting really round, I just point blank said, "I don't appreciate comments on my appearance."
I was cranky that day, but why do we feel so beholden to be polite when people are being rude to us?

MrsDho11 · September 2018

leighbrek said:

@MrsDho11 I know it's easier said than done, but fight fire with fire to stop the stupid, insensitive comments. The last time someone told me my face is getting really round, I just point blank said, "I don't appreciate comments on my appearance."
I was cranky that day, but why do we feel so beholden to be polite when people are being rude to us?

This is so true. Though I am holding onto the fact that if I DID cry, that would probably be pretty sweet revenge too. I know I’d feel shitty if I made a pregnant lady cry, and I like to think that’s true for a lot of people!

tosh24 · September 2018

@leighbrek I can't wait for someone to say my face has gotten round or I've gained a lot of weight so I can snap back with a smile "thanks, you/yours too" LOL! No mincing words here!

kerryann124 · September 2018

+1 to the caffeine comments! First of all, I'm drinking decaf and just enjoy a warm beverage, and second of all its not my coworkers job to police my eating habits. I've been trying to be nice and explain to them the rule my doctor told me (200mg) but I'm losing patience

pttomato · September 2018

Today when I told someone I am due in January she responded “Oh. You still have a really long time.”

skilouise · September 2018

pttomato said:

Today when I told someone I am due in January she responded “Oh. You still have a really long time.”

I received a similar comment over the weekend. Accurate, but depressing lol

leighbrek · September 2018

@pttomato lol Was that a creative weight dig??

Tonight my eight-year-old niece informed me that I have a baby bump, and I decided to educate her very early about making comments about a woman's body. I think my 'cool aunt' status went out the window for a bit after that.

KLS123 · September 2018

pttomato said:

@CoastieGirl79 For some reason people really liked to talk to me about how much weight they gained when they were pregnant last time. And some how it was always less than 25 lbs. Flat out asking is even worse.

yes, this! So many women have come up to me and said something along the lines of "well I only gained XX lbs when I was pregnant" like it's some sort of contest (and yes it's always way less than 25 lbs). I may start responding like "oh cool, so how much do you weigh right now then?" just to highlight the absurdity and inappropriateness of the whole conversation.

leighbrek · September 2018

This entirely goes against the beat of this thread, but I just wanted to say... I had two women talk to me about my pregnancy today, and both only said something along the lines of, "You look great!"
This has got to be a record.
Plus, I got a pregnancy perk today - I went to a sandwich place for lunch, and the guy handed me a bottle of water, on the house, and said, "It's important for you to stay hydrated."
And that was that.

BitterBetty12 · September 2018

This is also sort of out of line with the thread, but does anyone else get annoyed by the constant ‘how do you feel?’ Questions? I don’t freaking know, Susan. I feel like a normal human being just trying to do my job while also being kicked in the vagina by a tiny human. How do you feel?

I know they’re trying to be nice. But no one asks me that like it’s a normal question when I’m not pregnant.

skilouise · September 2018

@BitterBetty12 It can be tough to know how to respond to that question. In the case of coworkers asking, I believe that most of them genuinely care about the answer, and I appreciate their concern. However, I worry that if I'm honest all the time, I'll seem like a whiner, or like I'm unhappy to be pregnant.

On the other hand, if I'm not honest at least sometimes with my female work friends that don't have kids yet, I feel like I'm perpetuating that vast unspoken conspiracy of no one telling you how tough pregnancy really is until you're pregnant. I've been trying to fill them in on the stuff I wish I'd known a little bit at a time, without trying to scare them off of the idea entirely lol

BitterBetty12 · September 2018

@AshVA yeah I totally agree. I know they’re well meaning. So I am nice. BUT I hate having to answer that question on repeat all week - whether it be friends / family / coworkers. And also sometimes honesty is NSFW. + even if I do feel like garbage, I’m not interested in sympathy or a ‘break’. I think it really comes down to personality. I’m a generally private person and being pregnant makes people feel like your private thoughts / feelings / life are suddenly fair game in some sense.

leighbrek · September 2018

@BitterBetty12 Same, and I'm bored of the tediousness of the question. I'm still a person, independent of being a pregnant woman. Ask about my dogs or something, lol.

BitterBetty12 · September 2018

@leighbrek exactly! It’s like suddenly to non-pregnant people, my pregnant-ness now defines me. As if I am not still the same person with the same interests as before.

kns1988 · September 2018

@leighbrek I love the understated perks! All of my coworkers are men, and I frequently come back to a bag of chips or candy bar sitting on my desk. It's how they quietly support me being pregnant

saltedcaramel518 · September 2018

I’ve already gottten, “Aw, you’ll have to have a third child so you can try for a girl.”

*eyeroll*

LeahNicole · September 2018

I've been constantly getting the "oh how nice, one of each"...come on, I'm so relieved to have a healthy pregnancy, since when did the sex matter so much.

Dh's grandma, whom I don't really like had said a few times "is _______ excited to have a boy"..my response was "not more excited than he was with his baby girl" drives me nuts

kianarain · September 2018

@saltedcaramel518 cringing for you. The whole preconceived notion of what a family "should" look like bothers me. X amount of boys and X amount of girls! As though anything other than happy & healthy & loving matters.

I've posted on here before about this, but we get "so when's the wedding??" all the time.. Erm, same time it would have been before we got pregnant lol. Just waiting on someone to go "oh, oops!" so I can be like nope....planned.

wkuandrea · September 2018

@BitterBetty12 I also get annoyed with people asking how I'm feeling, or asking "how are things with the baby"? Ummm I don't actually know the details, it's growing in there? As for me, still sick, thanks? As others said, I try to be honest as to not perpetuate glowing pregnancy lies (LOL).

mrsmang · September 2018

@kns1988 I’m jealous! I work with a bunch of men as while, and while they’ve been sweet and supportive, no one has brought me snacks yet! That would be awesome!

KLS123 · September 2018

kns1988 said:

@leighbrek I love the understated perks! All of my coworkers are men, and I frequently come back to a bag of chips or candy bar sitting on my desk. It's how they quietly support me being pregnant

I love this! Starting a "Random Acts of Kindness" thread because I need a little faith in humanity to read about these days

rooonilwaazlib · September 2018

I kind of resent all the things people think I am allowed to do now that I am pregnant. Today I was walking into my building at work and met my boss in the lobby. We walked up the two flights of stairs together -- I usually take the elevator now because of the shortness of breath/general laziness but something about the peer pressure to be active inspires me when other people are around. So we talked about the stairs vs elevator dilemma and I said sometimes I take the stairs and sometimes the elevator (lie - I almost always take the elevator). So she goes, well you're allowed...you're pregnant. I said, well yeah but I did it before too. Chubby and lazy, table for one!!

molosmiles · September 2018

"you don't even look pregnant from behind!" I have gotten this remark every pregnancy...yeah, pregnancy shows in your belly. I'm not sure what pregnant lady looks pregnant from behind!!

rooonilwaazlib · September 2018

@libertymomrn said:

I just don’t understand why so many people, especially other moms, feel the need to tear FTMs down. Maybe they feel bad because their birth didn’t go the way they'd hoped, or breastfeeding didn’t work out for them, but we should be cheering and encouraging our fellow moms on in their hopes and plans. Yes, be there for them if things don’t go as planned for them, but don’t discourage them by telling them the can’t do it.

So to all the FTMs out there; you can do it! Whatever “it” may be for you!

THIS! Parenthood has enough of its own challenged without people trying to claw each other down. Insecurities ruin so much and I do not have time for people in my life who are telling me what I can and cannot do. WE are the ones going through OUR pregnancy, OUR labor and birth, OUR journey of parenthood (ahem...life). Screw them, we are all doing what we think is best and that is what truly is best for us. F%%% the haters.

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CEBB11 · September 2018

We have a son and this baby is a girl, and I cannot tell y'all how many of my husband's family members have shrieked and crowed about how blessed we are and that we are done now, hurray! Ummmm... es'cuse me? I'm happy you're happy, but spoiler alert- we would be just as excited and just as done if it was another boy. Also, 🙌🙌🙌🙌 to letting other parents make their own choices even if they might be different than our own. We all just want to live our best lives both for us and our kids, and another spoiler alert - there is no right way to parent, only right for you. Anyone who says different is insecure in their own lives and should be avoided, full stop. You do you, girl - we all got this shit.

AliKay20 · September 2018

W the nature of my job, I work w a lot of healthcare professionals. Last week, I worked w ultrasound techs. One told me I looked 28 weeks pregnant. When she found out I was only 21 weeks along, she gasped and said, “omg I want to scan you right now! Either that baby is really big or you have a lot of fluid right now!!”

That made me panic. While I wanted her to scan me, that would go against all the rules of boundaries. Also, if she found something wrong, that would make things much worse knowing it wasn’t an actual appt.

Anyway, I tried to tell her this was my second but she just asked another tech to guess how far along I was. That other tech looked at me and said, “22 weeks?”

I gasped this time bc she was spot on! Apparently she’s been doing this for over a decade. The first tech has been doing this for 2 years so there’s that. Idk what else to make of it. Freaked me TF out at the 28 week comment.

kns1988 · September 2018

@AliKay20 Wow, that first tech was totally unprofessional! There are so many things wrong with what she said that I don't even know where to start. I also work in healthcare, and I'm currently working on a project with the maternal fetal medicine clinic that I'm also a patient at. Luckily, everyone has been totally professional.

CEBB11 · September 2018

@AliKay20 yeah, any amount of gasping unless its a legit emergency is probably unprofessional in the medical field.

AliKay20 · September 2018

I agree w you ladies! I wouldn’t have panicked but when she said how much she wanted to scan me that moment, I have thought the worst. I told her I had my anatomy scan a week ago and he’s just ahead by a week in terms of size and everything measured right around 20-21 weeks. Luckily, the OBGYNs I worked w didn’t seem concerned whatsoever when they asked my due date.

greenhillgirl · September 2018

My coworker who is not pregnant, no kids was asking how I'm feeling. I don't mind this since on my office floor I'm the only who one is/has ever been pregnant except a temp. They are curious and care about me. Lots of them are experiencing being around a pregnant person every day for the first time.

I said I was pretty good but having some back pain shooting down my leg lately and was going to yoga tonight. But then the temp sitting next to her said oh wow are you in the third trimester now? I said no, I'm 23 weeks. She goes oh wow, you're only half way there. You have a loonnnnggg way to go girl. She always seems to enjoy telling me how hard everything is going to be. Thanks, that's so helpful.

immaagain · September 2018

TW
Do twins run in your family? Are they natural?

umm all babies are natural. If they are rude enough to ask the second in a group setting I give my TMI answer which shuts them up and ensures nobody within earshot brings it up. “ I’m over 35 which increases the chance. I also conceived shortly after a later miscarriage which also increases chance of multiple eggs being released so the chance of twins was higher than for most.”

rooonilwaazlib · September 2018

@greenhillgirl this is a big pregnancy pet peeve for me. I hate when people ask how I am and then invalidate whatever my answer is by saying “just wait” or “it only gets worse” or something similar. I respond with a variation of “well this is what I’m feeling now so thanks for asking.”

mtengl · September 2018

@rooonilwaazlib my favorite is when they go “oh I never had to deal with that...” like oh good for you that you didn’t have to work 10 hour days with extreme nausea

sfgiantsgamerbabe · September 2018

I get the “how are you feeling?” question all the time. I know people mean well but I think ‘do you reaaallly want to know? Let me list all my pregnancy ailments to you...”

Yesterday, my mom told me it looked like I swallowed a pumpkin. We have a great relationship so I just laughed. I’m actually glad I’m rounding out more so now I look pregnant and not like I had too many burritos.

baileym9126 · September 2018

I always get the how are you feeling questions, and I’ve started to just lie and say good, because I feel like all I do is complain otherwise.

@sfgiantsgamerbabe that’s awesome you have such a good relationship with your mom and can just laugh about it! I’m so jealous. My mother and I have never seen eye to eye on things and it only gets worse as I get older. She asked me for the 6th time last week if I was sure I wasn’t having twins. (It’s probably been more than six, actually). Annoyed, I called her on it, and she rushed to tell me that it would just be really nice if it was twins and that she meant nothing by my size. She then proceeds to ask how much weight I’ve gained, and is shocked that it’s under 5lbs (I was overweight to begin with, so around 5lbs is on track for me)... I just can’t win with her.

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