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7:46AM
Re: Weekly Randoms 3/5
So, now that my mom knows I'm pregnant, the madness has begun. I get that she's excited, but her prattling on about basically making a whole new nursery in her home made me extremely uncomfortable. She doesn't need to create a whole nursery at her home, because it's honestly not going to spend much time over there unless she quits smoking in the house at a bare minimum. For now, I told her she doesn't need a crib, that a pack-and-play will suffice for short stays, as you can fold it up and put it away when the kid goes home. But I don't think she was sold on the idea. Her home is like a damned antique furniture museum, and you have to walk sideways in rooms to get around crap, there's literally no room for a crib anywhere but the middle of the living room floor.
Backstory: She always wanted more kids, but I was the only one who survived to nearly full term. She had 3 late term MC's before me, and I was born premature and underweight, with an immediate hysterectomy right after the c-section. So I get why she thinks this is another chance for her, but I really need to dissuade her of this idea, I think.
Is there any way to be nice about it? Or do you just have to jump in the mud with both feet and hurt some feelings?
Then sit down with you mom and explain that you know she's excited, but you and your H talked about it and have decided that you are comfortable with ______.
If she gets upset, that's ok. If she wants to argue, listen then repeat what you are comfortable with.
When baby arrives, if she tries to overstep the boundaries you've set, have the conversation again. And again.
Really, it's just a matter of outlining your expectations and sticking to your guns. It's totally ok if she gets upset by it. At the end of the day he or she is your baby and you are responsible for deciding what is in her / his best interest.
Me: 37 Him: 38
Married 11.07.2015
August '18 March Siggy Challenge - You had ONE JOB
August 18 Siggy Challenge: April Showers
August '18 March Siggy Challenge - You had ONE JOB
My class today is just....nuts. I think they are super excited about the snow and are planning on a snow day tomorrow. 3pm needs to be here ASAP!
August 18 Siggy Challenge: April Showers
August 18 Siggy Challenge: April Showers
August '18 March Siggy Challenge - You had ONE JOB
Eta just remind yourself this is a public forum. Be careful what you post, you're making it public and leaving a stamp. You're never truly anonymous.
Is it very effed up to suggest looking at who posts/doesn't post in HDBD? I cannot think of another way to prove sincerity here. But I also don't like suggesting that EVERYONE has to do it....and I suppose HDBD pics can be altered so...yeah. Zero ideas.
@neeraja_k I agree with @ecwk about not being able to control what your mom does in her own home. She can decorate a nursery if she wants. My parents have a lot of things for my kids there and it's nice that they have it.
But, IMO I would not allow my child in a home where people smoke or even have smoked recently (it's in the walls, furniture, carpet, etc.). A smoker will not hold my child (it's on their clothes). I can't protect him against everything in life, but I will do what I can and that can be controlled.
Trolls happen, it’s attention-seeking. Whether it’s lee or this, honestly ignoring is the best thing. And yes, screen for fb of course.
Its truly sineone who probably is really bored, unfulfilled in their life, who knows. Regardless of if it’s true or someone stirring the pot, best to ignore.
11/18/16 missed m/c 9w1
08/03/17 no hb 8w
August '18 March Siggy Challenge - You had ONE JOB
Bertuccis rolls too - have you had them? Yummmmmm
August 18 Siggy Challenge: April Showers
About me:
Married 6.26.11
BFP 12.23.13, EDD 9.2.14 - baby girl, born too soon at 22w6d due to a placental abruption on 5.5.14
BFP 8.4.14, EDD 4.15.15 - rainbow son, born at 30w4d due to a placental abruption on 2.8.15, healthy 3 y/o now!
BFP 2.28.17, EDD 11.8.17 - baby girl, miscarried at 11 weeks on 4.21.17
BFP 11.28.17, EDD 8.8.18, delivering in July - another rainbow baby boy!
@neeraja_k I agree with others about not having much control over what your mom does in her own home. Try and discourage her from setting up a nursery, if only from the standpoint that she doesn't need to spend that money upfront. Once the baby is here, then she can determine what she needs. I would try that, even if I knew in my head that I wouldn't be letting the baby stay at her house without me or overnight.
I have not a lot of advice on boundaries because my mom is pretty chill. Now my dad like helicopters my son at almost 5 and I just flat out say stuff to him. We don't have a great relationship though so I also don't care about being mean to him hahah IL's are too far away for them to bother me much as well.
The smoking though would really bother me but that's a wonderful excuse for you to not be in her home anways, and completely valid!
Me: 37, MH: 38; Married August 2017
TTC #1 October 2017: BFP on 12/1/2017, DD born 7/24/2018 @ 37+1 after induction due to preeclampsia
TTC #2 January 2020: AMA, dx with DOR in May 2020
IVF July 2020: 16 eggs retrieved, 14 mature, 12 fertilized, 3 blasts, 2 PGT-A normal
FET 10/7/20: BFP on 10/12/20!!! (EDD 6/25/21); First beta 10/16/20 (9dpt): 148; Second beta 10/19/20 (12dpt): 621; Third beta 10/26/20 (19dpt): 4732; Fourth (and final!) beta 11/2/20 (26 dpt): 22,000+
With in-laws I've struggled. I originally felt comfortable speaking up for myself/son but boundaries were crossed in a way that I'm completely not ok with once. After that I told my husband it was his role to reinforce those boundaries for us. Sometimes he disagrees so we try to find another solution. I can tell that my in laws have sensed something has changed but that's up to them/my husband to clear up.
Plus, she's a spend-a-holic, ever since dad died she's been struggling to pay her bills as she blew through her retirement buying stupid useless antiques and is pretty much living on his pensions and social security checks right now...so I don't want to see her waste her money on even more unnecessary things, because I do care about that sort of thing. And we're planning to move more than likely next year, so it'd really be more of a waste of money than she realizes right now.
The smoking is a hard limit for me as well, and it's going to be a really ugly issue to address. She gets incredibly defensive about it even when I ask her politely to not smoke around me, then she gets passive aggressive about blowing the smoke at me, or lighting up in my personal space, just to antagonize me. Plus her house reeks of the smoke, it literally makes my eyes burn and water if I'm inside for more than a few minutes and you can taste it in the air. Everything that has spent any time there has to be washed to get the smell out, our persons included. I don't want my kid exposed to it like I was. I can just see her trying to rationalize it such that because I grew up with it and turned out fine, so that it's okay for my kiddo too. So, I don't know how to get it across to her when she's so set in her ways and willfully stubborn, short of just being blunt, putting my foot down, and letting her have tantrums about it.